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ICAN
VOL. XXIX. NO, 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 1890. $1.00 PER ANNUM.
1Ty x-x -rrv ttA ri.
"Q:X?13T TRY
I3UCyJL UJ3JL
JL hjlJLVKJ-i-o:
The only blcyolo patents now in
force mo those covering specialties.
It is estimated Hint tbo population I
of the Argentina Rrpublio 1ms in
creased thirty-flvo per cent, in the last
twelve years.
New York Las found out that n
geogrnphy used in her schools has a
good deal to say about tbo greatness
nnil importance of Chicago, and is
making a fuss about it.
It is about time, writes Walter
Wellnian to the Chicago Times-Herald,
there wns a statue of Ooncrnl Grant
in the National Capital. "To this day
there is not a single momorial to the
fame of the great commander in tho
city."
Biltmote, the now North Carolina
estate of Goorgo Vanderbilt, is a
wheelman's paradise. . There aro 95,
000 acres in tho estate and the system
of roadways is so perfoct that Mr.
Vanderbilt, who is a wheelman, can
go a hundred miles over a manndn
mixed road without going off his
cstah?.
Tho American propensity to leave
moucy to cdncation.il institutions
?ecmj to Harper's Weekly tobo spread'
ling across our northern border. Mr.
II. A. Massey, a manufacturer of
Torouto, lately loft 3470,000, by will
to Methodist colleges in Canada, bo
tides $178,000 to Cnnadian churches
nnd charities, and $00,000 to tho
American University at Washington.
Tho Atlanta Constitution says:
After a careful study of the situation
the eottou mon of Now England have
decided to compromiso tho issuo bo
, iween tho cotton mills of that section
und those of Georgia, Alabama and
other Southern States, by agreeing
that courper goods can be manufac
tured at a greater proBt in tho South
whilo those of finer quality can bo
produced to better advantage by the
cotton wills of New England.
Commander J. W. Miller, of tho
New York Naval Militia, oalls atten
tion in the Forum to tho fact that tho
"system developed by large corpora
tions has given powers of command
and habits of obedionoe to numbers of
citizous, and has trained employes to
much ttr.'ctcr methods than obtained
formerly in tho regular armies and
navies of tho world." That tho rant
social systems of America exercise a
tremendous edticationaliutlueucoupon
great musses of our people is very evi
dent to the New York Observer ; aud
it is pleas-nut to feel that in somo re
spects at least this subordination of
mo nil armies of men to great eouinior
cial powers an I organizations is hav
ing a beneficial effect in tho direction
of moral discipline a:id development.
i
Tho Atlantio Monthly remarks : Of
Iho pauper and criminal oiusses tho
Scandinavians havo a smaller propor
tion than any other alien element ex
cept the British. The Danes, Nor
wegians and Swedes are particularly
Tree from other than traditional tie
binding them to the mother countries.
No dramatic outbursts of National
sentiment ou tho other sido rekindle
tho old enthusiasms here. As Swedes,
Norwegians and Danes thoy fust 'dis
appear; merging, not into Scandi
navians, but into Americans. As
Americans, they will bo builders,
not destroyers; safe, not brilliant.
Best of ull, their greatest service will
be.au a mighty bteadying influence, ro
iuforoing those high qualities which
we sometimes call Puritan, sometimes
American.
Much ryo bread was eaten in this
conutry in the beginning of the cen
tury, aud much ryo and Indian a
healthful compound that disappeared
when stivessuperseded the huje brick
ofen iu which t'ae maize ingredient
was rendered digestible by being
cooked all night. The snowy whoaten
loaf, as tho staple bread of tho land,
dates only back to the cultivation of
the wheat tlelds of New York in the
early part of this century J aud simul
taneously there seemed to arise a
"fashion" of white bread, .- The. using
of bread made from anything loss than
"the best Gonesee flour" was thought
a mark of poverty. About 1810 there
appeared about au even distribution
'of dyspepsia throughout tho Northern
and Eastern States, more especially
ntnoug those well-to-do people who
used only the "best Genesee." One
investigator announced that the root
of tho initehief hiy iu robbing the
'wheat of its best elements iu tho pin
cers of milling, und taking awuy its
outer costing. 'Ibis mm was Sylves
ter Ciruhiim a mouoiuaniao ou his
own hubby ; but he rendered a i lu
p3i taut service to tho tcii-iiee of u!i
juent.ilioii, thuu.'h the epithet "brau
bread" was derisively applied to the
tuit that i.till bears bis name.
BPOHSH AT SEA.
All men go down to the sea In shlnsi
With a trembling hand and faltering Hps,
We spread our sails on the deep unknown,
Each for himself and (toll alone.
The stronK tide flowoth unceasingly)
God only knows our destiny.
And ships may most, as Voitrs nnd mine-,
With a tender Rloani, the dook-llghts shine;
There are wide-swept words of kindly cheer
A sonff, a smllo, pnrchnnco a tear;
Then on, for the ever-hurrying soa
Slugs of tho shadowy yet-to-be! '
And the light dies out of each shining trnclt:
Tho course Wns chosen, wo turn not back;
No hands aro clasped o'er the soundless bjue,
But hearts though severed may yot bo true;
And a sweeter story mt'or shall be
Than of momory'sshlp-liiihts spoken at son.
Emma Huntington. Nnsoa.
"WITHOPO T?I17PI
l V ill U Liil 1 I lj.
HAUNCEY WARD
was a confirmed
bacholor. All his
friends so affirmed
and ho himself ad
mitted the indiot
ment. "I snppoto
I am entirely too
particular," said
be to himsolf as he
mused over hii
bachelorhood
tfST "Now, the
KatyDoan
' X pretty, wo
I musical, a
tnexe was
ane, very
omanly,
musical, and all
that, but she wore number five shoes,
I could not endure to hare a wife
whose shoemaker I would 6e ashamed
to meet. '
"Nellie Keene's weak point was her
bands. I should have said strong
point, for her teohnique on the piano
was masterly, but her hands wero to
largo ; why, I am sure she could renoh
ten notes as easily as I can an octave.
To see such hands offering me my cap
of coffee evory morning would render
mo absolutely miserable. Susie Hunt
was perfect until you heard her speak,
but her voice I A half houf of it gave
me a hcadacho lor all day.- What
would a lifetime of such screeching
have doner Driven me wild, I'm
afraid. It doesn't seem to me that I
am so very unreasonable after all, '. I
only want a woman with a fine figure
a pretty co, I mean an intelligently
beautiful face; fair complexion, line
cj os I'm not so particular as to color ;
and blonde, nntnrAlly waving bair; u
soft, low, womanly voice ; good musi
cal ability and a delight in classical
music, A woman of mind, of course,
not too literary, and a good house
keeper. That is all. I certainly ought
to bo alilo to find such a combination,
and I 'won't iuurry until I do. If I
asked for money, or were in any way
unreasonable, it would bo different,
but I abk no 'impossible she.' It is
truo I am thirty, and have nover yet
(een my ideal, but I'll wait another
thirty years before I marry a woman
who does not meet my niodost require
ments." Channcey Ward was a businessman.
His sign aud cards read L. D. Ward &
Company. v ...
His place of business- was simply an
office, aud his corps of employes were
principally "on the road." Opening
out of tho office was a suite of pleaiunt
rooms, where Mr. Ward kept bachelor's
nan. uuo oi tnese, wnion served as
a private office as well as parlor, held
a tino upright piano, and near it on
tho wall was a bell telephone. "A
streak of eoonomy putting it in here,"
he explainod to a friend. ".Saved just
fifteen dollars."
"How is that?" inquired his friond.
'.'A telephone ill the ptlioe would
have been sixty dollars a year, as that
is the prioe of one's place of bnsiuess.
At one's residence it is forty-five dol
lurs a year, and this is my residence!
you know."
"Hu, ha!" laughed, the friend;
"Quite a dodge. I'll remember it." i
One blustering April day Mr. Ward
found Jiimself a victim Vf influenzal
-aud surrendering . the otiloo to his
clerk, withdrew to the seclusion qF-hie
parlor, where ho sneezed and suullled
in lonely solitudo. growing hoarser' as
the day wore on. He felt too misrr
abJe to play the piano,, his vyes wire
weeping so constantly thut he could
not read, aud he was listening dole
fully to the airs played by his magnifi
cent music box, when a callcnss from
the telephone. Ho stepped to tho door
of the ollieo, but Smith was out; there
was nothing to do but to answer the
cull himself. It proved to bo from a
customer in on adjoining village. The
man was a Jittlo stupiel as well, as a
littld dea, aurl with all: hii-.eliarts
Ward could not muke him understand.
The matter was an important one, and
so iu spite of trembling limbs and
aehiug head, nnd the aceompauimeut
of sneezes aud flourish: of handker
chiefs, the poor fellow strove to make
the busiuess intelligible to his distant
customer. He was almost despairiug
when a musical voice spoke thron"b
tho telephone, "Let mo assist vU,
Mr. Ward." Cbanucoy tturted. "Who
is that? Ah, the girl at the Centra
ofiiets What a sweet 'voioe I" These
were his thoughts. . His words were,
"1 shall be uiuit grateful if you cau do
unytUmg to help me," I am so hoarse,
"I understand," said.' the musical
voice "and 1 cau bear you with much
leas effort than the gentleman in li-
Tell mo what you want to say and I
will repeat it to him."
Following this suggestion, Ward
found that tho girl was quick to' bear
an I rompreheud, una he could hear
her clear musical tonus repeating with
au enviable dUtiuctuess of euunciutiou
his word of directness or explauation.
Iho customer, i-atislied at last,
chi.-ed bis part of tho conversation,
uiiil Ward expressed his th inks to the
girl for her kind assistance.
"N'o tliauks aro necessary," was the
reply, and the eir uit was at onou
In oli en and lurther speech mile mi
possible. All tin) f.bt yf th. tvruiu -
fff-
the tones of the unseen girl rang in
his ears.
"The sweetest voioe in speeoh I ever
heard," ho mused. "I wonder how
she looks. She must be blonde ; no
brunette could speak so softlyi" .
It will boMltmisodfrom out friend s
admiration of blondes that bo himsolf
was a brnnctte. His revcrlos were
interrupted by another call through
the telephone. This time it was from
a young frioneV who was in tho hov
pitol suffoiing tith a broken leg. "I
sityt Ward, old boy," said the poor
follow, "can't you do something to
cheer me up a little?."
"Can't talk a bit, Charley," roared
Ward hoarsely, "hut I'll wind up tho
musio box for you." So the box was
wound, and began playing its cheery
melodies to the hospital patient, who
apparently was charmed by the sweet
tones, for after a tune came the call,
"Good night, Ward, I'm j ttst gding off
to sleep.'' . . .
Several times during tho next day
or two did the sweet voiced telephone.
operator assist Ward ixl his efforts to
Communicate with distant friends nnd
customers, and it may safely bo im
aginod that his delight in hearing her
melodions repetition of his own words
was bo great that his convalescence
was consequently delayddi Hut the
tantalising thing was that she persist
cd in declining all thanks and id clos
in it tho conversation as soon as it
came to b between her nnd Mr. Ward
alone. He was not satisfied, and when
he onee persisted, after eho had broken
the circuit, and called her back to
thank her, she said, "If you feel un
der obligations, yod fiarl repay md by
letting your music box sing to me,
Ward did not wait for further
words, bnt instead of winding tho box
he seated himself at tho piano and
poured forth his thanks in an impro
visation, Ho was a skilled mtisician,
but his thief delight for years had
bees to give expression to his own un
premeditated thoughts unon the pi'
ano, and, this silvery voiced girl was
an inspiration. . "
He had never playoit more brill
iautly, and he was therefore disap
pointed to find, as he ended his rhap
sody and went to the telphone, that
no word of acknowledgment came for
his efforts to please his unseen friend,
mused Ward, and he was surprised to
sea how much this thought grieved
hint; Unconsciously to himself he had
endowed this unknown telephone girl
with all tho sweet womanly qualities
hor voice had seemed to indicate, and
he could not bear to have tho illusion
destroyed. Yet why Bhould he Oarn
anything about a girl whom he had
never seen, of whom he knew nothiug,
save that she had a musical Voice and
worked for her living? That last
thought was not wholly agroeable to
him. He had not outlived the old
idea that a woman must be supported
by some one, and that to labor for her
own subsistence wos in a degree lower
ing to her dignity. She was ignorant,
perhaps, of the neoessity of making
auy acknowledgment for his inusid,
aud yet she had seemed to know 'what
belonged to good manners. He had
beou very foolish to think of hor at
all. No doubt if ho should see her
tho disillusion would be complete.
With these thoughts he triod to dis
miss her from bis mind, and wa3 pro
voked at himself to find that it was not
altogether possible. After an hour or
so there came a ring of the telephone.
It this Mr. Ward?" asked the well
kuown voioo. "Yes," was the reply,
rather gruffly given.
"I am afraid you thought me very
ungrateful for your magnifioeut
music," said the girl, "but there oame
a very urgeut oall which took me away
before you were through, and pre
vented my sayiug how good you were
to spend no much time and skill .on
poor me."
The words wero eubugh to prove to
Ward that his improvisation had been
fa lly appreciated, but as here was a
chanco for a little Conversation with
her.iio. determined ta. improve it.. .
"i'on have never allowed mo to
thank you for yonr kindness . to me,"
he said. "Why (hould I expect you to
thaulr ,piji iforjthat wbk:a fvas pnlv aj
payniutpi dbjr $ -4 J (
'Ilfyod Aid not expect it of mo,
said the girl somewhat fulteringly, "I
ceitainly exjicvttyi it of myself."
On? friend 1'olt that his remark had
not been quite kind in tone, and
hastened to sny; "Please do not mibtiu
di rotund what was a lame attempt at a
pleasautry, I acknowledge that I
fcur'ed Jr"h 1 lrc.l fr olt!iuleLi ypu 1
bv,
my Ion'-winded musical cstnuiunic
nica-
tiou, but now that I know I was mis
taken I am well pleased. I have only
ouo wisH.uow, ajid that .you cau. easily
satisfy." '
"Aud what is that wish?"
"To know tho uamo of the young
lady who has proveu herself of such
great assistence to me."
There was a souud of laughter in
tho voice that now aakod, "Why do
you call mo yoau?"
It was n thought tiiatjhad not before
6U;(ested itself to hitn. . Tobo sure it
was not inevitable that she should bo
young. He felt his face rlush hotly iu
thus botrayiug himself. But ho col
lected his thoughts oud replied gal
lantly, "youth is not a matter of years,
aud both your deeds aud your voice
;.vo that you huve a young heart."
The luughter was not now subdued,
but rang out iu a clear, silvery peal,
that was even more muMcul th in her
speech. After waiting u mouiout ho
mked, "Aro you not going to tell me
tho name of my ussistaut?"
"Oh," replied she carelessly, "I am
Number Five."
Mr. Ward - shuddered. "Number
Five, like a convict without n ,
lie could not call her simply a num
ber. "I'liut will not do," he answered.
'If you do not tell mo your name, I
shall call you Mother Hubbard."
Agaiu that merry laugh. Then a
moment of h 'Sllul nil I ufter lb tl
h'j said col il i , ".My in u s 1 -i 1. sUr."
'.I'; vi- Mr.i. ;" s.;e. he, but ill le
sponse came tho words, "That's all,
good-bye.
It was but a few days after this that
Word again attempted to opon a con
versation with Miss or Mrs. Lester,
bnt Crtdld Obtain nrl otiswef. His Call
for "Number Five" was responded to
in the shrill fominino tones with which
shop girls generally call "Cash, cash,"
and whioh aro sucu a terror to a sen
sitive oar.
"Han Miss Lester left tho office?"
ho Inrpnl'eJ. ,
"I don t know any such person,
was the reply soreached in his ear.
"Where is ftttmber rive, was ms
next attempt.
"I'm Number Five. What do you
want?"
"Nothing," growled he in his gruff
est tones, and thereafter kept away
from the telephone, putting tipdn
Smith tho task of all communications.
It was early id September, and
Chnnncev Ward was beginning td
think Of his somi-annual visit to New
York, when one day Smith at the tele
phone bogaa to carry ou a conversa
tion with some one without asking his
employer what to say. Half of a con
versation is1 always amusing, and
piques tho curiosity to know what the
other half might be. Smith's hre
id this Conversasion was j
"No."
' "No." '
"1 doa't know." . . . '
. "No. Who are you?" 1 ,
"Number Five t" . . " 1. .
At these words Mr. Ward started
an, "Whd is talking?" be asked.
"I dou't know ; it is a girl whd says-
sho is Nnmber Five and asks if you
are sick."
Ward rose with somo excitement.
"Has sho a shrill, screechy voioe?"
,"Oh, no, indeed V she has n very
nice voice, I think."
"Let me Jhere,",said Ward, pushing
Smith rather rudely away.
"Js it MiBS Lester?" he asked.
"J.t is Number Kivo," was the reply
with tiio remembered sound df laugh
ter in the tones.
"Where have you boen this long
while?" inquired Ward eagerly.
"I have been very ill." ,
"Are yon sure yon are quit woll
ndw? Are yott able td be at Work?
Ought you not to havo Btayed at hduie
another week?'1
Ward was amazed at his owri anxiety
in asking those questions.
He was surprised at the solieitudo
ho foit as he noted tho evident weak
ness nnd weariness of the woman ia
her voice, as she replied, "1 am not
very strong, but I could not afford to
be idle any longer. "
"iiavo you no one td take care of
yon?" ho asked.
There was now a sound of tears in
the voico that sadly replied, "There
ure several who are depending npon
me."
"IPloase, .Miss or Mrs. Lester, I
don't caro which it is, do not tie
offended with me, but I unlet say what
is iu my thoughts, you are toe weak to
be permitted to go homo alone: Let
mo call for you and take you hdme iu
my buggy, . I can come at any hour. "
A pause. "You can trust me. In
deed, you can. I mako the proposi
tion with only a feeling of humanity.
You are sick, you need a little of the
attention aud care which an old, for
lorn bacholor like mvsolf can give
honorably, ond simply in the case of
common brotherhood, Say that I
may come."
There was a silence, Ward fancied
he heard a smothered Bob, and his
heart beat rapidly at the thought that
she was stineriug, but be would not
nr.o her further. It certainly was
asking a great deal of bor, but if she
trusted him she should not regret it.
Tho answer given, with hesitation,
was, "I am not Sure that I am doing
right, but I am really very weak, and
I will trust you. You oan come at
six. How will I know you?"
Ward described his horse and car
riage, and the place at which he would
bo waiting for her, and at the ap
pointed hour was promptly on hand.
One after another, girlish and wo
manly figures camo down tho stairs
aqd took thdir vitrioas ways, but no
one looked as if expecting; biru.
"Has sho fooled " me after all?"
thought he; but just as he was con
cluding that be was. the victim of a
hoax, he saw a light figure come
weirily down tho stairs, and after
hesitating a moment, cross the side
walk to whero hie carriage stood. Sho
wus rather tall aud light, her face was
hidden by a vei!,' bnt all doubt as to
her identity was dispelled by her ap
proaching and sayiug in the well
known voioe, "Is this Mr. Ward?"
In a moment ho was on the pave
incut and assisting her into the buggy.
As he took bis place by her sido he
inquired, "Whero shall I drive?"
"Forty-seveu Carrol street," was
the reply.
They drovo iu sileuce until tho busy
portion of tho city had beou left, und
then, turuiug to hii conqiauiou, he
said, "I havo missed you a long time.
Have you boon ill long? And when
did you come back to the ollice?"
"Yes, I have ha 1 a serious illnest,
aud I only returned to ttie offioo work
regularly yesterdiy. I wus very weary
.Inst riight when I reached home, au I
to-uight was looliug that I should
never bo able to get there, when you
nittdo your kiud offer. I believed you
to bo a goutlcmau, aud I accepted it."
"1 believe I am a geutlemau, Miss
Mrs. which is it?" ho ajked
abruptly. "You surely will tell mo
your uamo now."
"I am not married," i-bo acswerod.
"Aud now one more kindness. Let
iu feo your luce?"
Without a word fhe raised her veil
aud dii-elo.su 1 a pale, thin face, which
eveu iu health lucked elements of
beauty, au I yet which bure, eveu iu
illuesu, tracer nl modesty, intelligence
an 1 s'.v, clues, disposition, liaviug
til el ll.'.l liuli f:tr M'ss Lester
lie i il.i ii el i i t: Is, ilil.l hllil
ti iU -1', ' tl I 4 VU4 f I e ft' ieris sulhceil
to put hiin in possessiod of hor bltstdry
and present circumstances.
Her father was a disabled soldier,
with a slim pension, hor mother a par
tial invalid, and thero were several
younger children ; aud all were largely
dependent npori her exertions for sup
port. Tho father did sncli lipht work
as offered itself, suited to his strength;
The mother could do nothing bat keep
the children out of mischief.
"They are all waiting for me to
come and cook their supper," said sho,
smiling waiilv;
"Poor ohild !"
As the tears sprang to hor eye nl
the pity and commiseration expressed
in his tones, ho felt as if he must take
her, like a tired child, in his arms and
soothe her grief. Ho thought noth
ing about the size of her bands or feet,
the color of her hair or complexion,
he only felt that sho was an overtired,
brave little woman, struggling along
under burdens Which even his broad
shoulders would find too heavy to be
borne; How could ho help her? Thif
was the question that puzzled him day
nnd night. He thought not of hor
hands calloused aud brown with toil,
not of tho fact that her hair was neither
golden or wavy, nor that sho was a
working woman. He only remembered
that she was a delioate, bravo, true
beafted woman, sorely needing sym
pathy add aid. How could he help
her? He answered tho qnery 88118100'
torily to himself for several evenings
by being ready at tho close of the day
to drive her to her little home.
Then she quietly said that she wai
well now, and ncodod not to further
impose dd his kindness,
"But I want to do it.''
"Nevertheless you must not," shd
persisted, adding that it would only
place her in au embarrassing position
iu tho eyes of her neighbor?, whoso
good opiniod shd highly prized,
"I will not annoy you any more,
said he, "for I am going to New York
to-morrow ; but when I return"
The sentenoe was not completed
until his return, when he discovered
that Mr. Lester was j list the man ho
needed in his office. He then discov
ered a stont German girl who needed
a good homo and insisted upon pi acini4;
her ia Mrs. Lester's household as maid
of -all-work. His final disoovery was
tliot ho needel the sweet voiced telo
phdne girl so Hoar at hand that tele
phone communication would be need
less. "What number shoes do you wear,
my dear?" said Mr. Ward to his Wifd
as Christmas drew near.
"Number five," was the smiling ro
ply. Mrf Ward did not look at all horri
fied, btit as lie todk his Wife's hand,
no longer callous and broWd, but
smooth and shapely, id bis own, he
said, "I should have been disappointed
if you had made any othei reply.
Five is to me the dearest number in
the world." Womankind.
Jloilenl Weapons Against SavageM.
In au articlo entitled "The Italians
iu Abyssiuia," General Cossoron do
Villenoisy says: "The battle ol
Adowa, where Menolek's troops over
threw well-armed Europead forces, at
tacking the infantry iu hand-to-hand
light, and taking entiro batteries with
out their beiu;j able to fire a single
round, has disconcurted those who
hitherto insisted that it would be im
possible to got anywhere near troops
equipped with modern arms. This is
because firing in actual warfare and ia
peace practice have nothing in com'
mon, vnilo in tne latter case mo
target is clearly discerniblo and tho
distance readily estimatod, in war tho
enemy keeps well out of sight, and
there will always be slight undula
tions of the ground, hedges, bushes,
or maybe even herbs or tufts of grass,
whioh more or less obstruct tho view,
and hence tha fire is aimed at random,
aud almost invariably too high. There
is always a dangerous zone at, some
distance, where tho bullets fall thick
est, and by advancing beyond this the
enemy can avoid most of the dancer.
This is what happened at Adowa, and
what will always be fatal to young,
impressionable troops, while the fire
will have its full effect iu tho case of
calm aud experienced, that is to sav,
old soldiers. . Napoleon's words still
remain true that 'A man is not a sol
dier.'." L'Avenir Militairo.
. . Helgoland foil.).
Wlyit do the Helgolnnders do with
their birds? Soaio are scut away to
tho Hamburg murkot, and tho rost
kept for homo consumption. Koast
ing beforo u slow fire, with the tail
on, over toast,! is practically an un
known art or at least one rarely prac
ticed. Everything goes into the pot
for soup. "Tros-sel soup" is au insti
tution much lauded. Mr. Gatko tells
in how it should be prepared. Take
caro to oominit somo forty or fifty
thrushes, according to tho require
ments of tho family., to the soup pot,
uud do not have the fattest birds drawn,
nnd if the cook is a true artist, no
ouo will fail to nsk a second helpiug.
A favorite Helgoland dish is kittiwuko
pio. Iu November aud December
these gulls aro very fat, and tjrbeu
prepared iu Helgoluudish fashion are
considered u delicacy, ultiiough u
somewhat lishy one. Tho gray crow
is ulso u very favorite dish. Cham
bers's Journal.
Sin 11 .Masonry oi' csimiiister Abbey.
There is a singular feature iu the
early masoury work of Westminster
Abhey, us, wheu removiug or repair
ing u iy of the more uuciout stone ivork
of the abbey, it is always found that
the largo stouos aro i-et or leveled with
oyster thulls. The shells ure very tint
and thicK, uieasuriui; lour anil u halt
inches in liiumeter, and retain the
small bhell incrustations on iho out
side. As the story of tho ubbey's
foundation points to lis association
Willi fishermen, tho oyster shells wero
irnl,K.!ily used lor upeciul religious
i s--sous, 1'lticago lutei -Ocettti.
THE MI5KKY SIDE OK LIFE.
ST0BIK9 THAT ARE TOliD DT THE
I'UNHT MEN OF THE PKEaS.
Somcwlint or a Mystery In tbo
(Street Car llnnl Lurk landless
Crrtfty Force of Habit, Kle.
She is jijst a sweet Bs siiirnr,
This girl 1 hate in mind;
But. aln! too much f fenr ra,
That sleVstlie powdcroj kind.
-fu-.k.
'Do you lot your wife have'lho last
word ?"
"Sho nover has any last word."
Boston Courier.
ITAItD liVCZ.
Zibrcy "Do you consider it lucky
to pick np a horseshoe?"
Jazlib "Yes; if it isn't hot."
Roxbury Gazette.
A SrECrXATTVlS INQflHY.
f5bc"Who would you rather bo it
yon were not yourself ?"
He "I can't sny that I havo nny
second choice." Fuck.
IN TT1E STHKEr can.
"What is meant by being on tho
'anxious seat,' pa?''
"Being afraid yon will havo to give
it uj. to a woman." Truth.
VERf NATURAL IXQOII'.Y.
Pastor (reading notices) "Tho
standing committee will please remain
niter the services."
Edith (aged six) "Mamma, doesn't
that Commit tee ever sit i.own?''
Jadge.
rtrttBiNo rr iv.
Corn "Why do you think women
re frivolous?"
Merritt "Becanso when a girl
makes au onomy .if a man for lib) sho
always tells him that they cau still bo
friends."
CnAl'rY.
lie "Nico dog! 'Havo you taught
him any new tricks Binco I was hero
last?"
S.io (sweetly) "Oh, yes; ho will
fotoh your hat if you whistle!" Bos
ton Globe.
FORCE OP HA HIT.
''Whr does Bates insist ou callin4;
that whito horse ot bis cream-colored?"
"Because ho used to be a milkman
nnd still clingi to tho tricks of his
trade." Detroit Free Prcs.
QUESTION OP SEX.
Teacher "Now, here 1e nn cxatnplo
in mental arithmetic. How old would
a person be to-day who was born in
18(18?"
Tommy "Flcnso, muui, was it a
man or a woman?" New York World.
PKl'ltESKEP,
Jones "Brown seems to be out of
spirits. What is tho trouble?"
Smith "He met with a sovero dis
appointment on Saturday. Thero were
two boll games at llootjr'rt Turk, and
he could only get off in tiuio to see
ouo." Fuck.
most or TnnM do.
Teacher " Whit does h-a-m-m o r
spell?"
Tommy "Don't know, mn'um."
Toucher "What dots your mothor
drive nnils with, stupid?''
Tommy "A stovo lifter." Sun
Francisco Wave.
REASON TNOPOiT.
"What is the malter with Jcukons
of late? Ho seems worried."
".Stage fright."
"Why, I didn't know ho was ever
on the stage !"
"His wifo is (icvelopioj into a so
ciety amateur." Tuck.
NOT TUB KAMI!,
Wife "George, didu't yon say you
were tho heaviest batter in tho uino
hut summer?"
Husband "Ye?, dear."
Wife "Well, would you mind boat
ing a carpet for mo ubout halt un
hour?" Texas Siftiugs.
OF.STI.E WOMAN !
Mrs. "Bingo "I thiuk if you arc
looking for a ro 4d servant, tlu ouo I
have ut present would like tho place."
Mrs. Von Bluinei " Won't she tt:iy
with you?"
"No; sho complains that she bus
too much silver to clean." Buck,
THE HAUIT AT LONELY WOOD.
Mrs. Isolate (at tho breakfast table)
"Ferdinuud, tho lawn uco Is mow
ing badly."
Mr. Uolnto-"Vell, if Sarah will
go over to tho C'itilya' uud succeed iu
borrowing our lau mower back
again I'll see what 1 can do about it."
Judge.
man axo orroHirsTrY met.
Hooter "A friend of miuo hud a
load of bricks dumped on bun tho
other day aud i. scape. I without tho
bbghlesc injury."
Baseball Magnate "You interest
inc. Whero can ho be found?''
Hooter "Why, what do you want
v, il ii him ?"
Baseball Magnate, "ilu'j ju.it tiio
fellow for a good umpire. " Philadel
phia North American.
Tho Dul.o of Athol may claim
to
have tho reitist Lumber of title".
BesideM bis diliie.loiu ho holdii two
linircjui.-ciucs, live earldoms, t'iireo
vixfountii e, eight b iiiiu e . an I is n so
a Knieht o." tim Thi.-lle. Twenty dis
tinct titles m nil. Ho l , moreover,
co-heir ol livu other biiiouiej
FORTUNE TELLING.
When on tho grain wan summer's gold,
Aud blue was summer's sky,
TV'e went to have our fortune told,
A witching mat I nn.l I.
Tho grpsy silnl se-med uncouth
And weird to look upmi.
And yet for each ot im iu south
A merry tale she spun.
Jllno was n kindly linroseopo;
I heard mv hirth above
lln 1 hung the happy star of Hope.
The lambent star of Love.
The star of Love that bringcth bliss,
I learned, still shed its glow.
Much mora the sibyl s lid, but this
Was all I cared to know.
Then into Sylvia's slender hnml
I saw the gypsy peer,
And words I longed to understand
Were whispered in her ear;
While on her cl'.eok a blush had birth
Tint spread in rosy fire,
As when til ! winter-uwakcHHd earth
Feels spring's divine desire.
PVe left behind tho gyp7 old.
And 'nenth n dusky pino
Asrnin was that fair story told
That ended, "Hweet, be mine!"
Then Hylvia, tbo roguish-eyed.
Laughed in her winning way;
"That's what," triumphantly sho crlod,
"The gypsy said you'd sav!"
Cllulou Soollurd.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
It takes an effort to bo mean, anj
then you will never enjoy it. Adams
Freeman.
"Is your father very rich, Mias Tur
niptops?" "Bich? Every inch of
barbed wiro ou the farm is gilded."
Chicago Becord.
"Well, it takes all sorts of people
to make a world." "Yes, and all sorts
of other people to put up with them."
Chicago ltocord.
"Ragsey, let's git ns ono o' them
bisickles." "Gee, Frolics, yer loony ;
want ter wear yersolf out a-ridin' an
a-wakin' at tho same tinio?" Chicago)
Pvocord.
"That is a very fine attitude," said
tho dog to the indignant cvt, "but it
doesn't deceive me for a minute. You,
never rode a bicycle in your life."
Indianapolis Journal.
CunUflo "Did Boarer ever reaiiz
anv of his political ambitions?" "No,
poor fellow ; ho never got any higher
than tho position of a favorite tou."
Philadelphia North American.
She "This novelist writes of his
horoine as a tall girl with becoming
blond hair." Ho "I suppose ho moan
by that thot sho was having; it
b'loaohed. ''Cincinnati Fuquirer.
Shortson "Shysou, autil now I
havo nover felt obliged to usle you for
a loan." Shyson "And straugo to
say Shortson, until now I havo never
felt obliged to refuse you." Koxbury
Gazette.
Miss Dainty "Go uway, dirty
tramp!" Restful Roddy (with dig
nity) "Madam, that is u puroly su
perfluous imputation. Wo aro all
mere clay." Philadelphia North
Aniericau.
Hopkins "There's no reform about
theso bloomers the women nro wear
ing." Brown "Why?" Hopkins
"1 find it just as hard as ever to find
my wife's pocket." Philadelphia,
North Ameiicou.
There are some pas-tive people ia
this world who never shoulder a re
sponsibility if they cau help it; but
they will get up at -1 o'clock in tho
morning for the sake of beiug led into
temptation. Puck.
Gawgc "How much does your bi
cyclo weigh?" Oholly "Fifteen
pounds, tho agent said ; but so long as
tho last installment isn't paid, it
weighs about two tons ou lay mind."
Somuiervillo Journal.
"Your line," said tho judge, "will
bo a dollar aud costs." "Couldn't
you mako it ninety-eight cents?"
iiskod the lady who bad been convicted
of riding otter dark without a lighted
binteru." Indianapolis4 Journal.
No Love Lost: Magistrate "Is the
prisoner known, constable?" Consta
ble "Yo, bo's well known to the
police, your Worship." Prisoner
(savagely) "Ibirn ! I ain't ou 5pi;ak
in' tonus with nouu o' yer?" Fun.
"What nro you looking tor? We've
got everything worth taking." "I am
looking" 'i'ho other burglar con
tinued bis search, " for the uiuoli
larger booty which tlu newspapers
to-morrow will tsuy we overlooked.'
Harper's Bazar.
Teuoiier "How mmy we-.'ks in tho
year, Toiumio TimkiuV" Tommy
"Only fifty this year." Teaeher
"1'ou kuow very well that there uro
lilty-two." To i uiy "NVm ; not this
year. Pa says he is going to take two
weeks oil." Roxbury Gazette.
Among tho Brigand-.: FriendlyJVa
tives (bhakiur hauls witU mauler
ubout to depart) ''I wish you u
pleasant journey, sir, an I hope you
wou't be molested by tho brieunds. "
(b utleiniiH (who had been bidly ileeeed
it tho inn) "Your udvi-ej comes too
Into, my friend ; tUetlnuj's done."
Letchualle.
A tlirions t ;i-o til" Bt'ci ptioi4.
A euriuiis ease id' ilev.ep: on is re
ported in au oruitholoeieul 'ourual.
It is said tiiai a ptrso'i jaiut.d seven
tltrtloV e;;:;s und .id tiiemas the rjro
eg-s of tiicL'arollua p iro-.ptut--, receiv
ing Sl'l r.pte -e for the do.-tored eggs.
Tho ham.-pamud i. ;. '- a -rind thut
Kiupri.so.l the ooioji.sli v.aeii they
leurued of tneiii.
A Mouaieli oi l!ie ti'i.s4.
The largest pine i it tho Noriiiweit
wu: cut recently in Oeoiito I'uuuly,
Wi-sOonsii:. Jt u js m-uu leet tiio ;it
the base and eiit n sulci ii-in 'l logs,
o.ding oer svri K-.-t of bruber. Yet
I it was worth only ;'sO.