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Republican.
VOL. XXVIII. NO. 45. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, FEB. 20, 189G. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
live million dollars are spent each
year in England on the game of foot
ball. Since tho MnnnlicLer gnn caraointo
n bo the ratio is four killod to one
woimded-'-jnst the opposite to what it
formerly was.
Quoon Victoria for the last year or
two baa manifested an inclination to
direct the affairs of her own Govern
ment, much to the disgnst of her
Trimo Minister.
They say, remarks the New Orleans
Ticayuue, that the New York specula
tors made enough out of British bond
holders over the late war scare to pay
pretty well all the expenses of tho
war, if it should come.
The Chicago Physioians'Club has de
cided that "organized charity means a
wild doHiro on the part of some peo
ple that other people should holp the
poor," and that the doctors generally
get tho heavy end of the stick.
It is claimed that the largo gold
fields, covering several thousands of
acres in Buckingham County, Virginia,
Lave recently been investigated by ex
perts and that the average of the ores
gives a much better percentage of gold
than either the Month Afrioan or Crip
ple Creek districts.
According to William E. Curtis,
New York City is alarmed at the pos
sibility that Chioago may capture
most of the trade with the South it
the proposed Chicago and Southern
States exposition is hold next fall. A
counter demonstration is therefore
bciug planned in Gotham. This will
tako the form of a monster parade of
the blue and tho gray. Negotiations
to seoure cheap excursion rates over
aU railroads for the masses and passes
for merchants, prodnoors, shippers,
bankers and leading Orand Army of
the Bepnblio men in tho South and
West are being made. By these means
it is expected that a big crowd can be
secured and the Chicago projeot nulli
fied or at least prevented from accom
plishing all its promoters antioape.
lu a recent address before the Lib
eral Club, of Buffalo, Hon. Carroll D.
Wright, United States Labor Commis
sioner, male some interesting state
ments regarding the wealth and prog
ress of the South. The strip of terri
tory stretching from Pennsylvania to
Alabama, Mr. Wright siid, oontained
foity times tho coal accessible to
economic production and distribution
that was contained in Great Britain
before a pick was strnck. He esti
mated that the production of cotton
in the South is double what it was be
fore the war j in twenty years the
manufacture of pig iron has increased
1000 per cent., the railroad mileage is
150 per cent, greater now than in 1880,
and the passenger traffic 500 per cent,
greater, aud the freight tons moved
400 per cent, larger. He says that
sinoe 1830 the Southern railroads have
more than doubled their earnings, the
banking capital has increased in like
proportion, and the money spent in
the support of schools has also boon
doubled.
In 1894 there were in the United
States 12,731 mercantile failures. The
u umber increased last year to 13,013,
2.2 per cent, more than the number
for tho-previous year. The per cent.
of failures during 1893 was 1.23 as
compared with 1.21 for 189 and 1.50
for 1893. The percentage of assets
was fifty-five in 1893, as against fifty-
three per cent, in 1891 aud sixty-five
in 1893. Bradttroet'e, commenting
on these figures, says that the "in
crease in business failures in 1893 con
trasted with 1891 amounts to only
292, for which gains the Western,
Northwestern and Middle States are
responsible, they having been respec
tively 333, seventy-seven and sixty
four. While the increase in tho total
number of business failures in the
Western States was apparently large
about eleven per cent. the in
crease in total liabilities of failing
traders did nut amount to more than
seven per cent., from which it may be
perceived that commercial and indus
trial embarrassment! in that region
were largely among smaller concerns.
It will be seen from the figures given
above, observes the Atlanta Journal,
tuut the number of failures in the
South last year was much less than the
number for 1891. The increase in the
number for the whole country was
292, but the increase in the Northern
and Western States was 472. There
fore, the South shows a decrease of
182 in the number of mercantile fail
ure i last year. This speaks remarka
ably well for our part of the country
and is another proof that the South
endured the panio better and cam. out
from it with less injury than any othst
notion.
tOWN THE STREAM,
Love! It began with a glance,
Grew with the growing of flower,
Hmlled in a dreamful trance,
Hecked not the passage of hours;
Our passion's flood rose ever,
Flowing for her and me,
Till the brook became a river,
And the river became a sea.
(Irlof! It began with a word,
Grew with the winds that raveJ;
A prayer for pardon unheard.
Pardon in turn nncrnvedj
The stream so swift to be free!
Till the brook became a river,
And the rlvor became a ses.
Life! It began with a sinb,
Grew with the leaves that are dead;
Its pleasures with wings to fly,
Its sorrows with limbs of lead;
And rest remalnoth never
For the woarler years to be,
Till the brook shall become a river,
And the river become n sea.
Lord Houghton.
FOR ERICS SAKE.
EARLY 3 o'clock in the
morning had arrived
when Norah's carriage
drove np to the door
of the nouse in South
Audley street. The
footman rang the boll,
and, alighting, she en
tered the hall, running quickly up
stairs to the drawing room.
Her tall figure was still slight and
girlish i her blue eyes wore a look of
elation ; for her beauty had never
aroused greater admiration, her sue
cess had never been more triumphant
than that evening.
"Has baby been all right?" she
asked her maid. "Oh, and can you
tell me whether Mr. Fordyoe has eome
home 1"
"Mr. Fordyce came home at 10,"
was the aniwer. "He has been in the
study "
Not waiting for the end of the sen
tence, Norah went downstairs again.
"Too bad, Digby. Shabby not to
tnrn up
She had begun to speak as she
opene l the door, but as soon as she
saw his face, stopped abruptly.
The rcom was cloudy with tobacco
smoke. though the June evening
was hot, the fire had been lighted and
the grate was full of papers burned to
cinders; but what astonished her the
moBt was Digby's own appearance. As
he stood upright their eyes met for
moment; thou his were cast down
shamefacedly. He had shaved off his
heavy black mnstaobe, transforming
his swarthy, handsome face; he wore
a shooting suit instead of his evening
clothes.
"What is the matter, Digby?" she
demanded "if you really are your
self." "I I by heaven II can't tell you,
Norah."
Drawing nearer she restod her band
caressingly on his shoulder.
"Anything serious, darling?"
"I've got to make a bolt of it.
There's not a minute tc lose. To
morrow will bo too late. I only want
ed to see yon. I couldn't go without,
happen what might."
"But I don't I don't understand,"
she faltered, gazing into his taoe in
bewilderment.
"I've played my game and lost;
that's all. For the last, four years I've
been a heaven help met It will be
all over the town to-morrow. - I lost
my last chance to-day. My name will
be a byword."
Sitting down, she conld still stare
up helplessly into his pale, haggard
face. The diamonds in her fair.brown
hair caught the gaslight and sparkled.
"Barford will know everything di
rectly ho gets to the office to-morrow,"
Digby oontinued. "I must be ont of
the way before then. Norah. I should
like to see the youngster."
Antomatio allyshe rose and left the
room, shivering as she drew her rioh
pluBh oloak round her shoulders. On
her return, she made a charming pic
ture, standing with the four-months-old
child in her arms just as she had
taken him from his cot.
"Poor little beggar ("muttered Dig
by, bending over him.
Laying him gently on one of the
large armchairs, Norah faced her hus
band.
"I I can't realize it yet," she said.
"I have looked forward to nothing
else the last four years."
"Before before you married me?"
she demanded. "You knew this when
you first met me I You knew it, and
asked me"
"I loved you, Norah."
"Love !" she cried, contemptuously.
"And you loved me."
"I loved the man I thought you
were. A man who never existed."
"For heaven's sake be merciful!"
he said, buttoning his coat.
"You have made me a party to your
crimes," she cried, and raising her
hands, trembling with anger, she tore
from her hair the diamond tiara.
"At least a word of forgiveness," he
said, taking up the jewel quietly, and
thrusting it in hisjacket pocket. "Just
a word before we part it will be for
ever, Norah."
"I can't forgive you, "she answered.
"It is no use. I could forgive much ;
if it had begun sinoe our marriage, it
might have been different But you
deceived me too utterly."
It had fallen upon her like a bolt
out of the blue, without a warning
sign, at the moment of her supreme
success. Henceforth she would be
known only as the wife of adefaultiog
solicitor. Her love seemed to be
crushed, together with her hopes.
Long after be had gone, while the
chi d lay sleeping on the ohair, Norah
stood in the smoky room, half dazed
by the reoeut disclosure, till the day
broke, and a new era in her life began.
"Ah, NotAb, anything np? Wbsrs's
Difbyt"
1&
Major Armistead glanced round the
dining room. He was tall and spare,
the more noticeably because he al
ways buttoned himself tightly in a
long frock coat. His darkly tanned
face appeared above a very high col
lar; he wore an enormons iron-gray
mustache. Long a widower, since
Norah's marriage two years ago he had
lodged near Hyde Park, possessing
only a Bmall income besides his pen
sion. She took his hand and kissed him,
then looked out of the window.
"A delicious morning after the
rain," she faltered.
"Come, come, you didn't drag me
out before breakfast to tell me it was
a fine morning, Norah. Little chap
all right?"
"Oh, Eric is splendid," she said.
"Then what on earth is it? Yon're
not looking woll this morning too
mnch dissipation. Isn't Digby down
yet?"
"He's gone gone away. He is
ruined."
"Ruined I Digby I Bless my "
"Worse," she oontinued; "he Las
committed a crime. You can hardly
realize it? Neither oould I, But it is
true. He has committed a crime. All
this," she waved her hands, as she
glanced round the large, handsomely
furnishod room, "all this is the result.
I am wearing some of the proceeds. I
can't stay, father; take me away from
it all me and poor little Erie."
The evening papers were full ot the
news, and sold largely inconsequence.
The hue and cry being raised, and a
reward offered, a few days later the
fugitive was arrested. Tried and con
victed in due course, Digby Fordyce
was sentenced to seven years' penal
servitude.
Major Armistoad rented a small
house, almost a cottage, on the out
skirts of the town of Tunbridge.Wells,
and there Norah lived with her boy.
Only twenty-three, she had bidden
good-bv to the world ; instead of
thousands a year, her income consisted
of bnt a few hundreds, and these not
ber own.
Yet she was not entirely unhappy.
Compelled by ber altered circum
stances to devote herself to the child,
he soon afforded a new interest in her
life. She watched his developing in
telligence, listened for his earliest
lisping ntteranoes. The day he first
stood alone was a red-letter day. Her
father became Erio's guide, philos
opher and friend ; and later was'fought
a battle royal to decide who should
teach him to read. Major Armistead
took his defeat so much to heart that
Norah magnanimously gave way, and
would sit always working, sometimes
laughing, at others half crying, to ob
serve the impatient man s patience.
When Erio was more than oommon-
ly winsome, Major Armistead always
said the same :
"Pity his father was a sooandrel."
And Norah never demurred. It was
the simple truth.
Etio was now six years old, tall,
thin, delicate, with his father's hand
some features and black hair.
"I hope to goodness Digby won't
begin to pester us," cried Major Arm
istead one evening. He was an old
man now and inclined to peevishness.
Norah looked np quickly.
"It isn't seven years."
"Ihev don't serve their full time if
they behave themselves. In prison
Digby would behave himself.
"He will not trouble us, father."
"I don't know. Scamp enough for
anything. He may think you will take
him back.
"I shall never do that," she replied.
"After what passed between us he
knows I shall not."
"I hope not, Norah. I hope not,
for Erio's sake. Is that Erio cough
ing?" he asked presently.
After listening attentively for a few
moments Norah laid aside her work
and ran upstairs, where he still slept
beside her own bed. The ohild was
feverish. Next day a doctor was called
in, and now began a period of intense
anxiety, till one night the end seemed
imminent.
Major Armistead did not undress;
at regular intervals be looked into the
room, and Norah shook her head des
pondently. When the morning sun
broke through the clouds at 10 o'olook,
all the blinds in the little house were
drawn down, and the light had gone
out of Norah s life.
A few days later she stood with her
father white-haired and bowed now
beside the open grave. The gray
clouds hung low, and the October
wind blew chilly across the cemetery.
Henoeforth she spent many hours
thore, always alone, since tbe'distanoe
was too great for Major Armistead to
walk. She always pictured Exio's
grave as a kind of bed, and himself
asleep, as the often used to watch
him.
"I should like to put up a handsome
tomb, said the old man. "it lsn t
much, but it's all I can do for the
little chap. I feel I must do some'
thing."
"If we could make some other ohil
dren happy," Norah suggested. "That
is what I should like; to endow cot
in a children's hospital."
Major Armistead entered into the
scheme with immense enthusiasm.
"Of course," he said, presently,
"you must remember that you won't
have niueh to live on after i am gone,
dear."
"That does not matter," she an
swered. "Nothing of that kind mat
ters now. Nothing matters in an
empty world. There is nothing left
to live for.
"I will write to Oroioud street and
inquire how much it would cost," said
Major Armistead. "We will call it
Erio's Cot."
Two days later, going to the ceme
tery in the afternoon, Norah came to
a sudden standattll a few yards from
tb. grave, then hiding herself behind
some headstones, watohta th. shabby'
locking man who stood btrtbtadtd at
its foot. In spite of hit blaok, beard,
and mustache, in spite of bis white,
haggard, dissipated face, the recog
nized him on the instant.
After stan ling there a few minutes
he oovered his face with bit hands,
and presently, stooping, broke off one
ot the faded flowers from the tolitsry
cross Norah had placed there.
Having stayed until he went away,
she also left the cemetery, but on
reaching home said nothing to her
rather. All the rest or tbe afternoon
she busied herself in various ways,
her father glancing at her from time
to time, wondering what transformed
and illumined her faoe.
Despite her troubles, she was a
beautiful woman. Her figure had de
veloped, and albeit sad and grave, her
faoe had retained all its former oharm.
To-night it seemed to Major Armistead
like the face of an angel.
At 8 o clock the postman brought a
letter, bat when he would have broken
tbe seal she came to his chair, resting
a hand on his arm.
"From the hospital, Norah."
"Father," she said, "I i have
thought of another war.
"Well, let us see
"I saw Digby this morning," she
faltered.
'Ab, I know the scoundrel wouldn t
leave us alone I" cried Major Armis'
tead.
"He did not see me. He was stand
ing by the grave. Before he went
away be stooped aud and broke off a
pieoe of etepbanotis. He is, in very
low water.
"He deserves to be 1"
"Yes, he deserves to be. But I I
am afraid he is sinking lower. He
looks utterly broken degraded. He
can nave no hope in life nothing to
help him upward "
"Norah I" her father exolaimed,
"you're not going to play the fool I
You know you don't love the man."
"I I don't know. Since Erio's
death I feel differently about many
things. I am not certain about my
self. I see what he has tallen to, but
he is still a young man clever oh,
might there not be some chance for
him if . Bnt I doubt my own
strength. I am not sure I can do it.
As I watched him at the grave the
thought flashed upon me. We talk of
a memorial for Erio 1 Could anything
be better than to save Erio a father,
body and soul?"
"Too late, Norah, my dear; too
latet"
"Ah I but is it is it ever? If there
were not a germ of good in him, would
he have come to the grave ? You don't
know that the cot at the hospital will
actually save a child a life, yet you
would endow it So with Digby. He
has fallen very, very low ; he may be
inourable, but is that any reason why
I should not make the effort?
Major Armistead leaned forward and
kissed her forehead. For his own
part, he sincerely hoped she would
never see ber husband again, and yet
he no more liked to interfere than he
would have done with her performance
of some religious rite in which he
could not participate.
For several days Norah walked to
the cemetery at the same hour, but it
was not till a few days before Uhrist
mas that the taw Digby again. As he
stood lost in thought at the foot of the
grave she drew near.
"Digby I"
He started like'a man whose nervous
strength is sapped.
"Norah I"
Instinctively his right hand went np
to his cloth cap, as be stepped a few
feet away. They stood one on each
side of the grave, which was now hid
den by young evergreens and plants.
"You have been here before," she
said, hardly knowing what to say.
"I did not intend to come again. I
saw the announcement of the boy's
death. Tell me of him, Norah."
Across the grave she gave him in
formation conoerning Erio's short life
and last days, and then she asked :
"Why why did you come to-day
Digby?"
"I oame in the hope of seeing you.
I had no right to put myself in your
way but I am leaving England. I
have fallen very low."
He threw out his hands. "You see
what I am. The first time I came
simply to look on the spot where the
boy lay. I saw you had put my name.
'Eric,' " he read from the headstone,
"dearly beloved son of Digby and
Norah"
"I hesitated," she admitted. "I
hesitated, till I was looking for a text.
Then I thought it ought to be there.
Where where are yon going?"
"Heaven knows. I neither know
nor care. What does it matter? Look
at me. Do you think I can sink
lower?'
"You can rise higher, Digby. Is it
ever too late?"
"Oh," he cried, "I dare say you are
right. Sometimes I feel 1 have it in
me. It is memory that throws me
back. Norah, you don't know what
the utter desolation of it is. Ab, I
know; you have lost your child, and
he had a scamp for a father ; but yon
don't know the curse of boing your
own accuser. On all the earth there
is not a human being who cares wheth
er I go under or how soon"
"Yes," she said ; "there is one who
cares."
He stared at her for a few moments,
then leaned eagerly forward across the
evergreens.
"What what do you mean?" he
muttered,
Norah held out her right hand.
"Digby," she said, "I will bury the
past, and if you will let me, I will do
my boat to help you in the future."
"Do you mean you will come oome
away with me?"
"For Erio's sake," she sai 1, quietly.
The caretaker of the cemetery
stopped to look at the poorly clad
man, beside the grave, and Norah
standing with ber hand on his
shoulder.
it first Digby shrink from laolug
Major Armistead ; bnt nba ner ved hlra
to this as to much besides. North
had found once more a purpose in
lfe, while Erio s father began a new
career that day. And a oareer whicu
went far to make atonement for tho
past. Household Words.
SCIESmiC AND INDUSTRIAL,
Some experiments at Leavenworth,
Kan., thow that paoked snow offers
an exoellent resistance to bullets.
Tbe atmosphere is to clear in Zulu-
land, that objects can be teen by
etarlight at a distanoe of seven miles.
The month of the lobster is small.
and he must tear his food to pieces
with his clawt before he can devour it.
Telegraph poles in Switzerland are
preserved from rapid decay by being
oharged with a creosote compound,
pressed by gravity into one end of the
wood.
As BDeakin? tubes are found not to
work on the English war ships owing
to the rattling of the machinery, the
Admiralty has determined to try tele
phones.
The eleotrio stevedore is a movable
conveyor for loading a ship with flour
or grain in bulk. It works on the
endless chain and bucket plan, and
has a record of seventy-five tons per
hoar.
A new knapsack attachment without
straps is being tried on the Gordon
Highlanders. The paok is fastened to
the shoulders by metal hooks, and is
prevented from wabbling by a baok
plate.
Egyptians are very prolific. The
native births in 1894 were 335,549,
while the deaths were only 192,103;
the native population of Egypt np to
the Second Cataract and inoluding the
oases, is about 8,000,000.
A proposition has been made recent
ly by bicycle riders ta several agents
and manufacturers of bicycles that
the mannfactarers get together in a
convention and agree to reduce nu
merous parts of their different ma
chines to standard proportions.
An examination of the two products,
butter and oleomargaine, for microbes,
reveals an average in the former of
from 700,000 to 1,500,000 to tho grain,
against 25,000 to 40,000 in margarine.
Cold, moreover, reduces the microbes
in margarine thirty-three per cent.,
and in butter but three per cent.
A change of 100 degrees in tempera
ture changes the length of an iron
post in one of the monster buildiigs
by an inch and a half. In case of fira
a change of 1000 degrees may result,
causing an expansion ot fifteen inches.
This would wreck the building, as the
brick and tile would not similarly ex
pand. Among illustrious personages with
queer fads must bo numbered Priuce
Luitpold of Bavaria. His collection
of beetles is the most extensive and
complete in the world, and tbe Prince
is a skilled entomologist, deeply versed
in the habits of ants, bees, moths,
flies, earwigs and all creatures that
creep and crall and wriggle.
Where They Should Uo.
Singers to Alto, Ga.
Bakers to Cakes, Penn.
Jewelers to Gem, Ind.
Smokers to Weed, Cal.
Printers to Agate, Co!.
The sleepy to Gap, Penn.
The idle to Bust, Minn.
Cranks to Peculiar, Mo.
Toets to Parnassus, Pcnn
Dead heads to Gratis, Ohio.
Actors to Star City, Ark.
Perfumers to Aroma, 111.
Apiarists to Beeville, lad.
Tramps to Grubtown, Penn.
Bankers to Deposit, N. V.
Small men to Bigger, Ind.
Widowers to Widows, Ala.
Brokers to Stockville, Nev.
Old maids to Aniquity, Ohio.
Lovers to Spoonville. Mich.
Hunters to Deer Trail, Co!.
Young ladies to Bangs, Va.
Hucksters to Yellville, Ark.
Cobblers to Shoe Heel, N. C.
Politicians to Buucombe, N. C.
Theosophists to Mystic, Conn.
Physicians to Doctortown, Us.
Puzzle fiends to Riddleville, Ga.
Drummers to Modest Town, Va.
Druggists to Balsam Lake, Wis.
Prohibitionists to Drystoue, Cal.
Political oratori to Stumptown,
Penn.
The gum brigade to Chewtown,
Penn.
Newly married couples to Bliss,
Mich.
Three-card-moute meu to Trick um,
Ky. New York World.
Electric Li','lit fur Invalid.
There has been designed by a clever
Englishman a little electrio-light fit
ting for the bedroom that deserves
to be widely appreciated. It is in
tended more particularly for the use
of invalids, especially in houses
still unequipped with tho electrio
light. The lamp is of two-candle
power, and gives a beautiful soft
illuminatiou. It cuu be fastened to
any part of the bedstead and concen
trated in whatever direction may be
required. The accumulator is con
tained in a small box, which may bo
placed beneath the bed. New York
Mail and Express. .
Ail Kiiifliu'criug Freak.
"If you want to see a curiosity in
the way of railroad engineering, " said
a prominent railroad otlloer, "you
must take a ride over the (iuerueville
branch of the Donahue road. It is a
narrow-guugo line, with more twists
aud curves in it than you would think
possible. In one place an imrneuse
redwood stump stood'directly on the
surveyed line, aud instead of blustiug
it out the meu who constructed the
road built arouud the stump, and there
it proudly stands to-day, the only
stump in the couutry that ever made
a railroad tur i out." Sn Frauaisco
Fust.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORTKS THAT ARE TOLD BT THB
FlISHT MEN OF THB PRESS,
An Irresistible Comblnotlon De
ceptive Countenance Precau
tionary Just the Thlnjr, Ktc.
Little drops of water.
Little grains of sand
7irs and nerve together make
A. combination grand.
Detroit Trli,une.
rf!3CArT10SABY.
"Do you know there ate deadly mi
crobes in the ice?"
"Dear met Will I have to put
moth balls in the refrigerator?"
Chicago Record.
deceptive countenance.
"What a benevolent look old Mr.
Podds has?"
"M'hm. I'll bet he wastes the time
of more beggars than any other man
iu town." Cincinnati Enquirer.
A WORLD AT STAKE.
"Columbus took big chances when
ho illustrated that the world was
round."
"How 10?"
"Suppose tho egg had been a bad
one. "Truth.
JUST THE THINC1.
"We have no use for bear stories,"
said the editor. "Onr readers demand
something spicy."
"Well," eaid the man with the man
uscript, "this story is about a cinna
mon bear." Sports Afield.
NOT A BIT.
Jock "A woman doesn't know how
to conceal ber feelings."
Jess "Doesn't, eh? She can kiss
the woman she hates."
Jack "Of course ; but she doesn't
fool the woman any." Puck.
NO DIFFERENCE.
Clara "He broke off the engage
ment just because I wanted tho ring
reset."
Maude "How foolish of him !"
"Wasn't it? But I am going to
have it reset jmt the same." Puck.
BEASSUBED.
She "Why do' you start so?"
Ho "Did I understand 3ou to sy
that your father is failing?"
She "Physically, I mean."
He (settling back) "Oh, all right 1 1
was afraid it was something serious."
Pick-Me-Up.
THE UP-TO-DATE BAT.D.
Jenks "Ab, but you modern poets
are not much like the old singer.
Bmks "No? Well, just imagine
John Milton taking 'Paradise Lost' to
a dyspeptio editor, and being told to
change it into dialect, and put iu a
bill at fifty cents an inch. Life.
A MISCALOULATOR.
Wife "Amos, why don't you tpend
more of your time with me?
Husband ".My angel, I just couut
th3 hours that keep mo from your
side!"
Wife "Then there is something
wrong with your arithmetic." In
disnapoli8 Journal.
CHANGED HE1I MIND.
"I am going to be married,
Miss Trotter to Miss Kittish.
said
"You! You going to be married!
I thought you were an inveterate man
hater, who wouldn't marry the best
man living.
"Yes, but that was before one of tho
horrid men had proposed to me."
Life.
THE HOUSEHOLD HUM0m.1T.
Mrs. Wickwire "You don't know
what a grief it is to have a husband
who thinks ho is fnuny."
Mrs. Watts "What is tho trouUc,
dear?"
Mrs. Wickwire "I asked him hut
eveuing to briug home some good up-to-date
literature, and ho brought a
bundle of almanacs." Indianapolis
Journal.
rOETHV AND BKALITY.
i Mrs. De B "So you received fifty
dollars for your 'Ode to tho New
Year,' Mr. Soribley ? You seem in low
spirits for one who cau command fifty
dollars just for an ode.
Scribley "Had to invest it iu an
other one, right away."
"Another ode?"
"Yes. Owed to my tailor." Brown
ing's Monthly.
MIOIIT MAKES PEACE.
Mamma "I hear, Bobby, that you
were a very good littlo boy this morn
ing, and didn't strike Tommy Jones
back when bo hit you ; you mii-t have
remembered what I told you about 'A
soft answer turned awuy tvratli."
Bobby "I did, mamma, aud be
sides "
Mamma "Aul besides what,
Bobby?"
Bobby "Tommy Joucs's bigger
than I am." Harper's llaz.tr.
nE WAS (SYMPATHETIC.
Johnnit) Fewcads "It breaks mo
all up to see a man so reduced to pov
erty that ho has to go around begging
money from his friends."
Hostetter MoUiuuis "lo whom do
you allude?"
Johunio Fewcads "I allude to Gil
hooly. He has beeu to me at least a
dozen times duriug tiie past wte with
tears in bis eyes, begging me to pay
him thui 83 I borrowed from bim lusfc
4th of July." Texas Siftiugs.
The Atlanta (Ga.) fair wound up
with the year iu a blaze of glory, au.t
with a big cash balance to its credit.
The firs-cent ttrttt car fart bat t.j
bta tt-titabliihid la Atitott.
. t f - j.-i cn r.
f;Vii1 1 Fu!i!e hr.n Is in cir-r fT dr.-1
X- loiitf'V s!roke tity hair.
Am I ' tan' ou"n vt! prcud to i.ral:J
K.)r''-1 to ! lit I he fair.
J i-:'.i it it rr.y na-n- an 1 though hi
Mil e in th't eaiii--liyar 1 n-.'.1! 1
1 will nri.-' and cm" t l:i" i
An 1 w r!)ij n of oM.
An ! sh .uM I mf'St til' wriukii'd lroV,
Or Iln.l I'.im silver trsy,
lVj! w ir-'. t ) m", It w i ll I be thou
I c ml no. love tliee I.m--.
"Ciirv-'t l-)e tl.iv waa ot'ps strifo
U'Yit n i'.v l would be t!e n;
Th" ery th it brought m- bae'.; to lifo
YVjul I ir.aUe the young atjiiin.
Alfred Austin.
HUM .Mi Or' TllK 1)VY.
A lady's mm Tho new womno.
A blessing iu disguise ij only half a
b'.esin.
A cvuio is a man who is satisfied
v.itii hii dissadifaotioj.
Ma Ige "Why did you paiut your
wlirel black?" Kate "Dear me,
di fu't von know I was in mo'.iruins?''
Puck.
He "If I could but bo installed in
your heart as" She "My heart is
no installment house." Cincinnati
Euquircr.
Hs " Vby do tliey call women the
fair sex?" She "lo distinguish them
from thouufair ecx, no doubt." Ros
bury Gazette.
Teao'ier "Supposo you woro a
king, Tommy, what would you do?"
Tommy "I'd never hava to wash my
face any more. " Texas Siftings.
Reggy (quoting Hamlet)- "If thou
wilt nee Is marry, marry a fool."
Maude "Oh, Tom, this H so sud
den." New York Evening World.
"Gussie, why did you refuse Smith"
ett? Did he show the cloven foot?" .
"No, hut he s'jowel the cloven
breilh." PhilaJelpb.i.1 TilojnpU.
Teacher "Whit is the ebief end of
raau?" Pupil 'The barber thiuks it
is the heal, but tho boolblaiic thinks
it is the feet." L'o ;t ju Transcript.
The Thin Ono--"i)ear mo. foil
are losing all your oiul'.tus." Tha
Fat One- -"And you aiM gutting to bo
no tiros else. "--Cincinnati Enjuirer;
Mrs. Snopleigh "I it any trouble
to you to thow goods?" Mr. Cashcall
"No, ma'am. Bnt it's a good deal
of trouble to sell them .'oaietimes."
New York Hprald.
In the ltentauraui: Waiter "What .
shall I get for yon?" Professo;-(absent-minded,
readier,' the bill of
lure) "I a'n busy now ; usk me after
dinuer. " Fliegende Bluetttr.
He "Yes; I was out eleifthiuc;.
And froze iill my finders. " Sliu (wuj
wa?u't along) "I dou't nee how u
youug man can get tho fingers ou both
hands frozen." In.liunijiolis Jo-.irnal.
Squildig "What doctor did poor
.Taysmith have!" MeSwilligeu "He
had two of them. Oue was Dr. D.,
but I forgot the nam of his accom
plice." Pittsburg Chroaiele-Telo-tr.un.
Miss Passee- "I understand you do
handsome wort; and inaku very pretty
pictures." Photographer "Yes, miss;
but I could make a natural likeness of
; ou, if you prefer it." Philadelphia
-Itcord.
Mrs. Henry Pec'.t "J5a'j ! I only
married you beoa'.io I pitied you
wueu nobody eisa thought anything
ajoutyou." Mr. lleury I'e.-k (wearily)
"Ah, well, dear, everybody pities
;ne now." Piiuch.
Dealer "This violiD, ma lum, is a
Stradivariu. It is f:"r!y 2" 1 .year.! ....
old." Mr.. Newrich "You dou't sup
lose I would take that? I can afford
vhe latest style, let ruu tell yon."
x'biladelphiu Record.
Would-be Cyclist "I thought yon
ta d that after twelve lessous of tin
hour each I should kuow how toride?"
Cycling Iustruotor "So you would,
sir, if you htdu't sp?nt the best pari
of the time on the ground." Tit iiits.
"Miss Birdie," faltered young
Moore, "is thera any hopo for me?
Do you thiuk you could' ever leuru
to " Tueu Birdio said, mockingly:
"Never, Moore I And tho jouth weut
away ruviu' mil.- Chicago Trib:iu-.
Willey "I tell you, it's better iu
the end to be houe.-d. Did you ever
kuow a rogue who wasn't unhappy?"
Shalley "No; but, then, one would
hardly exorot h rosnu lo b happy if
he is known." Pittsburj Chronicle,
Telegraph, Jessie "I'm o annoyed at tho;d
criticisms of my hiuiue; at the eoj.- -cert.
They speak ro (-lighting! y i
my voice." Florence "Still, they
toy you were very pretty." .Iissio
"Oh, but every oiu kuoiva t!iat.r'
Brooklyn Li'e.
Novel Reading b.y Proxy: .U.iiotii'n
(to lady companion) "I'lio bjjjiuniiivr
of this novel is horribly dull. llaM
tho goodness, Fraulein Brocuhurdt, ti
read the first two or three c!i inters fur
me; I will then j;o uu with tun
fourth." Fuierabeud.
She "Do you see thai :n ui w'u
has been s-tariujr at nm for quit au
hour?" George (with blood iii!iir;i
"T'ae teouudrel ! Shall I ro aul
au I give him my ear IV ' She (shy
ly) ".Mo, go and aud givj hiu
mine." I'ick-Mef;..
"K.'iuember that po! it en .:: uUayi
pays, my boy," raid the b ir .-volenti
old gcutliiiuuu to tir' boiitLil.it..-.
"Meble," replied tbj pra'Mieal boy,
"but I'd rattier have a ni-kel lln i
a 'thau't ye' for bltiekiu; i-lioes. "
Pitt.-burg Chr juiele-T.-Iey ri;.i.
Wife "I tau remember tho tn.ii
when you followed uj v.h . rever t
went; uo you do uot on re t.i .;. a
where Wita me. I never thoiijt the
your lovo would so oo:i prow old."
".Xuu&eutt ! A mail det-n't r iu tor 4
ttrcut car afttr hs Ik.s c.iub; -iiostoo
Titcr rij't,