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VOL. XXVIII. NO. 33. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 4, 1895.
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M pud la adranoa, '
Job work aaah oa delivery. ,
Korea it beooming almost as erratio
and turbulent as. a Bouth Amerioan
Republic.
The great exodus from Canada to
Abe United States ha, booorae a party
issue in the Dominion.
Building ground coraos high in
London. Lately a plot of fifty-seven
square yards in Lombard street sold
at SGGOO per square yard.
The Director of the United States
Mint estimate, and boliovos bis esti
mate to b within the mark, that the
world's production of gold for 189S
will amount to 8200,000,000.
The great decrease in the percent
age of diphtheria mortality in New
York City for 1893, as shown by the
Hoard of Ilealth statistics, is a strong
argument in favor of the anti toxins
remedy.
The failure of several water-power
cleotrio plants from dry weather sug
gests to the Atlanta Constitution the
necessity of a small steam power in re
sorve in case of works using nearly all
their available water powor in ordin
ary dry seasons.
Chinese rainmakers dress a dog in
comio attire and carry it through the
streota, in the belief that the laughter
excited will cause a pleasant frame of
mind among the gods and induoe them
to end a dronght. The Chinese claim
that their rainmakers are as success
ful as the Amerioan and far less ex
pensive. A French scientist has reoontly dis
covered a means of increasing the
illuminating power of ordinary coal
gas about fifteen times. The increase
is accomplished by supplying a small
but constant current of air to the
flame. A tiny electric motor is fixed
in the body of the gas lamp whioh is
it diminutive ventilator. The motor
ja run ot a current supplied by a
couple of small accumulators. The
flame has a remarkable brilliancy, and
lamps bavo been constructed on this
pattern with au illuminating powor of
830-oandle power.
The young King of Spain saw his
first bull tight the other day, an
nounoes the New York Tribuuo. His
mother, who has a horror of the brutal
sport, postponed the event as long as
possible; but even she was unable to
override the ancient court preoedent
that prescribes attendance on bull
fights as part of the education of a
Christian raonaroh. The little chap
viewed the sport without betraying
any enthusiaHin, and departed without
rewarding the successful matador, in
accordance with custom. And some
Spaniards, therofore, foar that he may
bring discredit on his order and race
by taking a stand against the National
port when he growj to man's estate.
Spain now has in Cuba an army of
f 0,000 men. This is a foroe greater
by 10,000 than the whole British army
in India. The entire population, white
and colored, is only four times an
great, and its proportion to the num
ber of whites capable of bearing arms!
is about that of one or two. Rarely
does history record an instance where
a couutry so small has been invade 1
by an army so great, oud when it is
remembered that the Spaniards con
trol the whole administrative and in
dustrial niachiuery of Cuba, and that
they have the more or less effeotive
oympatby of a not inconsiderable local
party, the New York Times thinks
their lack of sucoess is a startling
commentary both on the military
still of Spain's Oenerals and soldiers
and on the merits of the cause for
which they are supposed to be fight
ing. The New York Independent pub
lishes one of the most rrninrliaVe Vi
coveries ever made in American his
tory. It is nothing leas than the
oldest document in existence of the
period of the Dutch settlement of New
York. It is a long official journal
kept, in the winter of 1631-30, by
Areot Tan Corlear, one of the loading
men in the colony, who made a vibit
to the villages of the Iroquois con
federation, consisting of the Mohawks,
Oneidns, Ouondagas, Cayugas uud
"Seneca Indian tribes. This journal,
which has lain lost in a garret in Hol
land for two hundred and sixty year?,
has been found by General James
Grant Wilson, and brought to this
country, and the translation shows
it to be of extraordinary interest for
the history of New York and the geo
graphy of the region between Albany
and Utioa, wbioh was theu wholly held
by Indians. The conclusion of the
journal consists of a list of Indian
words with their translations, making
the earliest Iroquois vocabulary
known, the publication of allien is de
layed till another week.
IN THE FIELDS.
The reapers thoy are singing in the Holds
of golden grain,
And a morry song arises on the mountain
and the plain)
And It's ho i for life and living, for no bless
ing heaven denied.
and a song of glad thanksgiving goes in
muslo to the skies !
The reapers they are singing, for the bar
vest smiles to God,
Where the heavenly bonedlotlon gave the
color to the clod;
There Is gtndness In the morning there Is
gladness In the night;
For the corn Is hanging heavy, and tho cot
ton Holds aro white !
The roapors tbey are singing, for the sum
mor days are past,
nd toll Is crowned with plonty, and with
sweet reward at last !
And It's ho! for life and living, for no Moss
ing heAven denies,
And songs ot glad thanksgiving go In muslo
to the sklos!
Atlanta Constitution.
EFFECT OF A STORY.
fcuuAra it was
partly her fault,
or may be it was
all his fault. Any
way, they had just
had a quarrel, one
of those unpleas
ant little affairs in
wbioh neither oue
nor the other will
give in or acknowledge being in the
wrong, but thinks it the duty of the
oilier, equally blameless participant,
of course, to first say, "I am sorry."
And it was their first quarrel, too.
Then he falls back on the old re
sort and says, "I am going to the
club." He gets his hat and coat and
is about to open the door to step out
when she half repents and asks hi in
not to go, but to stay at borne with
her, "at least one evening in the week. "
But he is either obstinate to her ap
peal or does not hear her, for he oloses
the door with a bang and leaves her
alone, to return, perhaps at midnight,
perhaps at dawn. Then she takos the
usual course, throws herself on a
lounge and cries.
He goes directly to the club. There
lie meet a few ot his friends and tbey
it down for a smoke. Thus they sit
for perhaps half an hour, when the
entraooe ot a rather fat individual
seems to create quite a commotion
among the smokers. He is besieged
ou the right and left to oomo and join
them in their smoke and Robert Lang
don wonders who this rather Btnut in
dividual who enjoys such popularity
oau be. "Major Hont, one of the
most capital story tellers we have had
for some time," answers one of his
friends, in reply to a laughing query
lrom Langdon. "Wait until you hear
ono of his stories; you will think so,
too."
"Major, this is my friend Lang
don." The Major has hurdly made hiuself
oomfortable before he is asked to to
tell one of his stories, and after a
while yields to the entreaties of the
crowd and begins :
"There is not an army post in the
country, or in the world, which has
Dot tome little romance interwoven in
its history. But one whioh I espe
peoially remember is oue in whioh
the faithfulness of woman, as 1 will
oall it, played suob an important part
as to fix the story in my mind for
ever. "It was about five years 'ago, at a
Western fort, that this inoident hap
pened. We had there a young private
who came, I believe, from the some
where. I never did find out exactly
where be came from, and I have even
forgotten bis name now. He seemed
to be an indifferent sort of a follow,
rarely joining the rest of the men in
their larks, and keeping pretty muoh
to himself. Ho was a haudsomi
young man, too, nearly six feet
tall, if I remember correotly. It was
his mysterious manners which made us
wonder what he did with himself dur
ing his spare moments that is, when
bis time was not required by Uncle
Sam. We tried in vain to find out
All that we could ever learn of him
was that he was always in his mess
room during these intervals, and his
oompanion privates there said, 'He
reads and reads all the tiino,' that's
all. Army life did not seem to agree
with him very much and we could not
see why he ever entered into it. Still
there was no one in the fort with
nerve enough to ask him the questions
we were so auxious to have answered.
He was the one mystery of the fort.
Perhaps you will wonder why we olfi
rsers ehould take any interest in a
common private, but before I am
through yon will see who that was.
"What was also a mystery to us was
how he had managed to become well
enough acquainted with the quarter
master's daughter to be seen occasion
ally out walking with her. Her name,
you must remember distinctly, is
Genevieve Hutle. She was the belle
of the fort. I do not believe to this
.day that there was hardly a man in
that fort at that time who would not
have stood even Indian torture if she
had so wished but don't be alarmed,
gentlemen. No sunu thought would
ever have entered that girl's mind.
And theu she was very beautiful, Per
haps this had something to do with it.
Those among us who had been sick
had especiul reasons for feeling grate
ful to her, for as soon as she heard of
a case of sickness she seemed to be o i
pi us and needlos until she received
consent from her father to nurse the
sick oue, whether he was officer or
private. In truth, her kindness and
charitableness to all made adorers out
of half the men in the fort, and the
other half were dead in love with her.
"Now to get down to the story. One
day there came Hie announcement
that the Indians had goue on the war
path and that the mun should be got
in readiness to leave at almost any
moment to hunt down a band of rov
ing bucks, who were thought to be in
our neighborhood, before they had
muoh chance of robbing and killing
the settlers. One morning the com
mand came, and a troop of oavalry
was dotailed to go out, and, if possi
ble, bring them in. The matter had
now taken quite a serious turn, for
the few bucks who had started the dep
redations on a small scale bad been
joined by the others, until several hun
dred of them had gone on the war
path in dead earnest. It happened
that the mysterious private's troop was
the one detailed to go ouCVirst on a
sort of a reoonnoitering trip, and if on
investigation it was thought seoessary
to scud out more men they were to re
turn for reinforcements.
"It was a busy scene at the fort that
morning. Soon the bugle sounded,
the men leaped into their saddles and
moved up to the gate of the fort. It
was a proud moment for the men who
composed that troop, for it was their
first actual expedition after the enemy.
Then came the sound of the bugle
again and the men were off, with the
cheers of their comrades ringing in
their ears.
"We in the fort had many anxious
hours that day and night, wondering
how the expedition would turn out,
though we little thought that there
would be any serious results. They
would probably return, we thought,
with, the whole band of redskins as
prisoners. We had no idea that the
red imps would dare defy them or
much less fire on them.
"During the night a terrible snow
storm sot in, however, and we' kept
anxious watch to see if they would
give up the chase on this aooonnt and
roturn to the fort. But no. The night
passed away and dawn still saw no
trace of the men. The storm seemed
to become more fnrious with the ad
vent of day, and the blinding flakes
made it impossible to see many feet
outside the fort. Then misgivings re
garding the safety of the men began
to take form. We had now almost for
gotten the Indians, and our only
thoughts were of the men and how
they would manage to return to the
fort in this terrible storm. About
noon there was a lull in the wind and
snow, and couriers were sent out to
see if any trace ot the troop could be
found. They might' be wandering a
a few miles outside the fort, we
thought, unable to find their way in.
The searchers returned, however, after
a fruitless search, saying that it was
impossible to find any trace of them,
not knowing exactly where to look for
them. The ground, of course, having
been covered by the snowstorm after
their departure, it was impossible to
follow in their tracks."
"About 3 o'clock in the afternoon,
however, we were rewarded in our
watch by seeing a dark mass off to the
west, and as it drew nearer a shout
went up from the watchers, as we dis
covered our missing troop.
"When the men rode into fort again
they were ,plied with questions as to
what they bad done during the terri
ble storm. But the queries were cut
short by the announcement that they
had been pursued by at least threo
hundred Indians, who had poured bul
lets into the little troop tor a while,
and that one man was missing alto
gether. Then for the first time we no
ticed that many of the men were cov
ered with blood. They had not been
out of the fort five hours, they said,
when they were attacked by a band of
redskins most unexpectedly, for they
had no idea that tbey were so near the
fort. They seemed to have been wait
ing for them, for their retreat back
was out off by half the band, while the
rest kept up a fire on them from am
bush. They managed to get out of it
without the loss of any men, however.
A hot fire bad been kept np on both
sides while the retreat lasted, and sev
eral on our side had been woundod,
and, as somo of the men insisted, the
Indians bad lost quite a few to the
happy hunting grounds. They at last
gave up the cause when the storm set
in. The 'mysterious private' was
missed when the troop emerged from
a strip of woods about twenty miles
from the fort. He was wounded dur
ing the fight, and had evidently givou
up the flight from exhaustion. While
the men were telling this we stood
about and wondered what would be
done to find the poor fellow, who had
now undoubtedly passed into another
world.
"The storm had again commenced
with seemingly added fury, and we
realized what a daugerous undertaking
it would be for anyone to Bet out with
the intention of findiug the poor fel
low's body. We retired to our quar
ters after hearing no end of narrow
escape stories from some of the pri
vates, to await orders from the com
mandant as to the next move.
"We had all given up the idea of
going after the body by nightfall
that is, all but one.
"Before my time for arising the
next morning there came to my ears
tho loudest cheering, mixed with
shouts, tbut I have ever heard in all
my lifetime. I hastily dropped into
my clcthes and ran out to see what
was up. Near the gate I saw almost
the entire population of the fort, so
it teemed to me, most of them en
gaged in cheering and shouting over
something. Before I resohed the
crowd it parted and two persons roJo
toward me the 'mysterious private'
and Genevieve Hutle. As she passed
me, standing almost glued to thj spot
with surprise, she called out, 'Ploos
autmoruing. Major,' just as though
she had come in lrom a uioruiug's
pleasure ride.
"That girl had actually ridden out
of tho fort at dawn to hud that young
scamp, who did uot seem to be hurt at
all save for a few scratches such us
the rest of the troops had received.
She bad met him, fortunately, ridi'i-r
toward the fort, er do 1 know wh.it
might have become of that brave girl
in the snow. It surprised me a little
perhaps, to see her so happy after
such a dangerous undertaking. But
that was, of course, natural then, as I
did not kudw what had passed be
twen them on that ride.
"During the absenoe of the young
fellow one ot his comrades bad cheek
enough to examine his effects to find
out who be was and notify his rela
tives of his death, so he said, but as I
believe, to see what the duoe it was
that kept him so busy during the
evenings. But the big stories the man
expected to tell of what he found are
still untold, for he found 'only a lot
of books, principally law books,
newspaper clippings sf testimony in
trials and a lot of other useless trash,'
a, he expressed himself. What the
deuce the follow was doing with these
was more than be coald imagine. Then
a great light burst upon me. Im
agine a private in the service of Uncle
Sam giving np all the pleasures of
army service very few there are
for the sake ot studying law, ahd yon
have a view of our 'mysterious pri
vate,' with the mystery cleared np.
"Well, as you hove perhaps already
guessed, they both left us a few
months later. The young fellow's en
listment expired, and I guess he was
pretty tired of army life. He went to
New York, I believe, taking the belle
of the fort with him. I have strong
reasons to believe that this was settled
during that ride into the fort. I
heard of him once since then. One of
his friends at the fort said he had
quite law practice down East here.
"The Indians were rounded up af
terward and subdued. They were
soared, I guess, by what they had
done, and "
"What's the matter, Langdon, not
gcing already, are you? The story
did not effeot you so seriously, did it?
Why, man, I actually believe there
are tears in your eyes I"
JWell, no but I really have to
go now. I have an appointment at
home and I've got to go now, or I am
liable to be late.
Whether Robert Langdon had an
appointment at home or not, does not
matter much. Sufficient is it to say
that he did go directly home, where he
found his wife on the lounge, just
where she had thrown herself as he
left to go the olub. A sob greeted
him as he approached her.
"Genevieve, can you forgive me?
It was all my fault, and if you'll for
give me, I'll never do it again."
She turned up her tear-staiued faoe
to him and he bent over and kissed
her, wondering how it over entered
into bim to be so cruel.
"No, it was not your fault, it was
mine. I actually drove you to that
horrid club, when I know you don't
care to go there."
"Well, we will not fight about that
just now. Do yon remember Major
Hunt at the fort? I heard him tell
a story at the olub to-night a story
of how a young girl at a Western fort,
a few years ago, rode out into the
snow to resoue a man who bad got
lost from bis troop, and how she
brought him in safe and sound. Shall
I tell it to you? I remember it, word
for word."
"No, yoa need not, and if you're
not going to stop your ever'asting talk
about that I am just going to get
angry again ; now I"
lie stopped. Chioago News.
Transplanting Teeth.
Among tho wonders of modern sur
gery there is nothing more remarka
ble than the transplanting of teeth.
Some years ago a dentist on the Pa
cilio ocast created a sensation by ex
tracting a tooth from the jaw of one
person and inserting it in the jaw of
unother. Since that time the opera
tion has been repeatedly tried, but
with not altogether satisfactory re
sults. At least twenty-five per cent,
of the cases have failed of sucoess.
Considering that the experiment is iu
its iufancy, this is encouraging. The
method is to scleot the tooth required
for the purpose, pains being taken
that it is of just the size and shupo to
fit the space of the one removed. The
crown is severed from the root, which
is then deprived of its pericementum
and shaped to suit the operator. A
thorough cleansing of the nerve canal
is next in order, then the apex ot the
root is filled and hermetically sealed
with a tiny platina tube carefully
fitted into the nerve canal. After the
most careful' course of antiscptio
treatment the socket is prepared to
received the new root, which is se
cured in place and so covered that it
is safe from shooks and pressure. Af tor
about six weeks, or when the union
has taken place, provided the opera
tion is successful, a porcelain crown
is attachod to the root and the patient
has a tine, strong and natural-looking
tooth. New York Ledger.
A Babe Burn Fond ot Bicycling;
A lady in Reno has a baby loss than
a year old which has inherited a pe
culiarity. The child has been very
puny and appeared to be constantly
craving something. Ono thing after
another has been given to it and every
means known to professional nurses
was used iu au endeavor to satisfy
this craving.
The mother is an expert bicyolist
und is very fond of riding. It was
remembered that before the birth of
the child she had an almost irresistible
desire to take a spin on her wheel, and
it was thought likely that the child
had been marked in this respect.
About two weeks ago a basket ar
rangement was uttuched to a bicycle,
the child put into it and giveu a ride
of a mile or two. A ohauge was im
mediately noticeable iu its condition,
uud daily outings of this character
huve resulted iu a complete cure of
the Uttlo one's peevishness, and the
child has rapidly gained strength and
it m un 1 r t'iis. treatment. Reno
i.Vlv.) Gazette.
SCIENTIFIC ASD INDUSTRIAL,
Over seven thousand varieties of
microscopic sea shells have boon enu
merated by naturalists.
The perfume of the nutmeg flower
is said by some naturalists to have an
intoxicating effect on small birds.
The ivy-leaved lettuce opens its
leaves and flowers at 8 o'olock in the
morning and generally closes again
by 4.
A Canadian experimenter preserves
wood from the boring beetle by soak
ing it two or three months in a satu
rated solution of lime.
The Southern Paciflo Railroad Com
pany will use crude petroleum from
the Los Angeles oil fields as fuel for a
number of their locomotives.
One legal ohm equals 1.0112 British
Association nnits ; hence, to transform
resistances expressed in British Asso
ciation units to logal ohms, the nu
merical values have to be reduced by
about one-tenth per cont.
It is reported that a vein of iron ore
has been discovered in Midland Coun
ty, Michigan, lying from a few inchos
to a few feet under the surface, run
ning for a distance of one and one-half
miles before coming to the end, the
vein being eighty rods in width.
In the case of musk, as it comes to
the refiner, the odor is so pungent and
unpleasant that those who have to ex
amine the pods in whioh it comes have
to wear cloths over their mouth and
nose, and in some cases inhalation of
the odor produces bleeding at the nose.
Behring's law says that the blood
and blood serum of an individual
which has been artificially rendered
immune against a certain infectious
dr'soase may be transferred into an
other individual with the effeot to
render the latter also immune,no mat
ter how susceptible this animal is to
the disease in question.
Among the latest foreign rivals to
cordite is "normal powder," which is
manufactured in Sweden, and whioh,
its owners say, is more reliable than
cordite. They offer to bear the ex
pense of competitive trials between
this and all the best known rifle pow
ders in Europe. They claim also that
by "normal powder" remarkably even
velocities and low pressures are ob
tained. The cotton thread used for the fila
ments of inoandesoent lamps is parch
mentized before carbonization by
passing it slowly through a solution of
sulphuric acid two parts, water one
part, and finally washing it in water
nntil every particle of tho acid is re
moved. The parchmentized thread,
after drying, is reduced to a uniform
diameter by drawing it through dies,
after the manner of wire drawing.
Acme ot Ingratitude.
A well-known auctioneer, inter
viewed in London recently, tells this
story :
We had the conduot of a sale of the
library and effects of a gentleman well
known in his day for his speculations
and his varied career as their result,
and the usual crowd attended the auo
tion. The first day's sale passed with
out any incident, but in the seoond
day's proceedings a remarkable inci
dent ocourred. Just before the first
lot of the books was offered a gentle
man walked into the room and asked
the auctioneer if he'oould purchase the
library iu its entirety, so that the
books should not be disturbed. There
could be no objeotion to this as the li
brary had been previously valued, and
its price was named by the auctioneer.
The would-be purohasor drew his
oheok for the amount and the library
was his tor a few minutes only, for
be said, "X am unknown to the man
whose books you have just sold, and I
wish you to hand them back to bim
with my card."
The gentleman who made this gen
erous gift was an engineer and con
tractor, and a member of a firm
of world-wide celebrity. Some
years afterward I met him on Brighton
Pior, and reminded him of the cir
cumstance. He then told me, to my
astonishment, that tho recipient ot the
books had iu no way acknowledged the
gift, which, to say the truth, was
more remarkable than the generosity
of his benefactor New York Mail and
Express.
Brought Them Back.
A Now York man bought his own
despised horse back at an auction sale
not many moons ago, and now a tale
to match it comes from London. A
man with a passion for good bargains
in second-baud furniture failed to se
cure a wife who shared it. When the
house got so full of relics that there
was no room for more, she selected a
few piece whioh she thought would
not bo missed and sent them to au
auction room to be sold. Tho even
ing of tho day ot tho sale came, and
with it a return of all those pieces and
a few more. Her husband had hap
pened in ou the sale and, not reoog -nizing
his own furniture, bought it
over again at a bargain whioh made
the terms of the ongiual purchaser
sink out of sight. Detroit Free
Tress.
Au Enormous Steamer,
The Westmeath, a new freight
stsamer receutl.y launched ut Walls
end, England, is a wonder in ship
architecture. Sho is 4Gj feet long,
fifty-six foot beam, 34 foet moulded
beam, and has a currying capacity of
10,500 tons dead weight of cargo, or
14,500 tons by measurement. The en
gines are triple expansion, with 18)
pounds pressure. The bottom is
double, aud the construction is a sys
tem of outlast tanks. It is supposed
that the vessel is ructioully unbank
able ; but there huve bueu so many ac
cidents aud failures in this lint that
eveu the most Buuguino believers iu
water-tight compartments have grown
skeptical. New York Ludgur.
THE MEKKY SIDE OF LIFE.
8TORIKS THAT ARB TOLD BT THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Fashionable Ailment One More
Victim Kneiv Its Dangers A
Sufficient Kxplanatlon, Ktc, K.tc.
"One vlnwn thne thing!",'' said BrVr for,
"Anonr ling hp his light Is.
I do not dotiht those gr.ipne are sweet,
Dut I fear appendicitis."
ONB MORE VICTIM.
"Anything new on hand, Ethel?"
''Yes; another engagement ring."
Detroit Free Tress.
KNEW ITS PANOERS.
Lady of the House "Aro you fa
miliar with all kinds ot work?"
Weary Willy- "Yes, mum; I'm
onto it. '"- Puck.
THINK OF THE BrTTEHMItiK 1
"We had some lovely grape butter
in the country."
"Do you know now they made it?"
"Oh, churned the juice, I suppose I"
Chicago Reoord.
A SUFFICIENT EXfT, NATIOS.
ne "I don't see why you need
blubber so, even if Charley has gone
away."
fc'he "Don't you see I'm quito un
manned?" Harper's Weekly.
A TjWELT MOIWXfl.
Teaoher "What excuse bavo you
for being late?"
Truthful James "Me watch was
stole by a lr'gbwiiyman ; an' it took me
hulf an ho-ir tcr kill him au' git it
back I" Puck.
OOINO HIM ONE BETTKH.
"I beiran life without a ceut iu my
pocket," said the purse proud man to
an acquaintance.
"I didn't eveu have a pocket,' re
plied the latter, meekly. Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
no DMansc.
Husband (admiringly) -"There's no
use trying to disguise tho fact, yoa
are smarter than I am, my dear."
. Wife . (complacently) "The fao!,
my love, has never been iu disguise
among these who know us."
TOO SOaCIKSTIVB.
"I don't eat any more nt Snajg's
restaurant."
"Whynot5"
"I complained of tho stean yester
day, and he told me to bridle my
appetite." Detroit Free Tres?.
FISE PELICACT.
She "He is a man of tho finest
delicacy of feel in?, I don't cure whit
you say about him."
He "Ihat'B so. ne only touched
mo for a quarter when ho might have
made it a dollar." Detroit Free Tress.
OF THE WOHliO.
Higgins "Do you think the earth
is rouud?"
Wiggins--"Blesscd it I know. Judg
ing from ray experience with the
people who live ou it, I'm pretty sure
that it isn't square. "--Detroit Frjo
Press.
his nriiixa nssio.
"Bonkins is worth mill ions, " re
marked one of the clerks iu the tax
office. "And yet I'll bet anything ho
will be on the delinquent tax list as
usual."
"Yes," was the reply. "I uever iu
my life knew a mau so crazy to get
his uamo iu print." Washington
Star.
A GREAT HENUNCIATIOX.
gaily Gay "Miss Oldg-d ha I a ter
rible battle between pride an I in
clination last night."
Dolly Swift --'Mo was tint, leir?"
Sally Gay "Why.it washer thirty
first birthday, aud old Jack Gid lyboy
wanted to kiss her onoe for each year,
but she took only tweuty." New York
World.
A GOOD Tl'RV.
Drummer "1'vo doue a big day's
work to-day; bavo tnkeu order for
over 83000 worth of goo.K"
Bill Collector "Wu j urd the Dir
ties?" Drummer "All to Skinner At Slow
P7." Bill Collootor "Thst raeaus stealy
employment for me for ten months.
Thanks; don't kuow what I should do
if it wern't for you. "Boitou Tran
script. His srsi'icioN.
"Mabel," suid her iuther, after Mr.
Statute had left, just iu time to catch
the last oar, "that young mau owns
stock in tho gas compauy, does ho
not?"
"Yes."
"Aud be is also heavily interested
in the coal trade?"
"I believe so."
"Well, hereafter ho must bo ro
miuded that his departure is due at 10
p. in. I am convinced that his devo
tion to you is not disinterested. "-
Washington Star.
NO ( Al'SK FOR ALARM.
Her Father (appeariu suddenly
over the wall) "Ah ! youu mau ; it's
you, eh? Did uiy daughter promise
to moet you here?"
The Young Muu (scared iuto tolling
the truth) "Y-e-e-, sir. She prom
ised to meet me here a quarter of au
hour ago; but but 1 huven't seen
anytuiug of her."
Her Father (angrily) "That is ju.t
like a women, for all tho world I Tutiy
have no respect for au engagement,
whatever. You just stand here, aud
I'll go back to the house aud hud her,''
Puck.
THE BEST WOR L.D STILL,
It's a sad old world when th.-suu don't shlno,
But tlmro ain't no use rcjiiniu';
There's a bright, sweof snot, where the roses'
twine,
An' lovo whon tli sun ain't shinin'.
An' tho winds mny blow,
An' the frosts mny killj'J
It's the best old world
la the couutry still!
It's a oold, cold world when thesilver's gone,
But there ain't no uso bewnllln';
Tho seas run high, but tho ships sail ou
An' the sailors sing with the sniliu'.
An' tho winds mny blow,
An'thellghtin' kill;
It's tho best old world
In the country still !
F. Tj.'.Stnnton, In Atlanta Constltutou. -
HUMOR OF THE BAY.
A minister of war Tho army chop
lain. Puck.
"I will take some of this material
but will it wear woll?" "Oh I it is in
destructible uutcnrnblo everlasting
it will wear till you pay for it!"
Sometimes when you thiuk your
neighbor is enjoying himself because
he annoys yoa, he really annoys yon.
Viananaa i a 1 a i Ti 1 n T" i TWT ltimuptf
Puck.
Bellofield "Tho Fayes comet is
said to be very faint." Bloomtield
"You would be faint, too, if you had
traveled as far. " Pittsburg Chrouiolo
Telcgvaph. "This is a hard world," murmured
the young man. "Yes," ropliod she;
"one doesn't realize how hard it is
till one falls off a bicyclo once or
twioe." Washington Star.
"I'm wedded to art; that, nlou-'. In my heart
Is the pnwngo that always survives."
"It's a pity," sho siyhml, '-but it can't bo de
nied, That somo husbands are bad to thoir .
wives."
Washington Star.
"And so you bavo started iu to es
tablish a magazine?" "Yes," replied
Mr. Bullions. "Do you write for it?"
"Yon bet I do. I writo about seven
teen page.) a week for it ; in my check
book."
Customer "Waiter, just look at
this spoon ; it's dirty. Somebody has
been drinking chocolate with it, aud
it hasn't been washod." Waiter (with' "
emphasis) "That, Bir, is not choco
late ; it's verdigris." Pick-Me-Up.
Blobbs "What nonsenso it is for
the newspapers, in their ncoouuts ot
weddings, to describe the bride being
led to the altar." Slobbs "How soi"
Blobbs "Well, most girls would Uud
their way in tho dark." Philadelphia
Record.
Mr. Slopay "This bill is outrag- .
oous. You charge for tcu visits and
you attended me only five times dur
ing my illness." Dr. Slooum "Yes;
uus you lurgut uiy uvu vinitu iu at
tempting to collect my bill." Phila
delphia Record,
. Brown (after visiting a sick friond)
"Poor fellow I Did you uotico that
he was slightly delirious?" Jones
"No; I didn't. He seemed to me to
be quite rational." Brown "Oh, no I
Didn't you hear him sny he knew just
how he got the cold. Puck.
The Editor's Littlo B y 'Top says
there was a donation r .rty up at your
hoiise last night ; what's that?" The
Minister's Little Boy "Why, that's
when folks come to your houso and
-bring pie and cake, and cat it all up,
and then go home again !" ruck.
She "I understand Mr. Kinks is
quite literary." He "Not thut I
ever heard of." She "Why, Soma"
nnfl told me be vnit.o for thp mnnrn.-(
Bines regularly." He "Of oonrso he 'f
does. He's our newsdealer aud sup
plies the trade." Detroit Free Press.
"I'm going to give up my place at
this restaurant," said a Broudway
waiter, with a look of disgust ou his
face. "Why?" "Why? Why, be
cause they insist ou my eutiug mush- -rooms
before the customers to show
them they're not toadstools." Toledo
Boe.
"I havo half a notiou to cud my
existence," said the dejected youth.
"I huve nothing on earth to live for."
"Better wait a while," said tho Cum
mngsville sage. "After you get to bo
a few years older you wou't want any
thing to live for. Just living will bo
sousiderublo satisfaction. ' Cincin
nati Enquirer.
"Reuben," inquired Mr. Upjohn,
iharply, "if tho gate had beeu closed
all night, as you say it was, how do
you supposo that pig got into tho
stable yard? It could uot have climbed
through tho fence." "I guess it must
havo crept through a cr ick, dr,"nn.
swvred Reuben, tho coaehui tti, with
dignity. I'uicugo Tribune.
Teacher "Polly, dear, bupposo I
Were to tdioot at n tr.'o witli li v. bir.l
on it and killed three, how nmuy
would be left?" Polly (a-ed six)
"Threo, please." Teacher "N'o ; two
would bo left." Polly -"No, there
wouldn't. Tho threo shot would bo
left, uud tho other two would bo Ilied
away." Philadelphia American.
"How is business, John?" a- ked
Undo Alleu Sparks, as tbj Chinese
luuudrynmii huuded him his washing,
Not velly good, uusw. red the China-
muu. "lly too wav, John, mused
Uuclo Allen, feeling iu his io-kct for
the change wherewith to pay the cel
estial, "what le vour name?" "Xauio
ChiuChiu." "Drop lauiulryiug and
try tho uuclioueer busiuess, John."
Chicag-J Tribune.
"There's no uso in trying to get
away from tho solium f.u-t," t.ud the
dreamy-eyed young man, "t he uew
woman is u most practical aud iiusoul
ful creature." "What make you
think to?" "I told M.s lij;K-igh
that bliH had iuspired som-i of luy best
poems." "What did she say to that?''
"Nothibg. Sho mm;-j to luy pub
lishers lor a pun-cut t u of thj iuy.il
ti." Washingtou .Star.