""Hhw
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VOL. XXVIII. NO. 27. TIONESTA, PA WEDNESDAY, OCT. 23, 1895. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
Forest
REPUBL
Massachusetts ami Now Jorsey aro
lending Iho country in road improve
ment. Miohignn ling decided tlint for judi
cial purposes an oath administered by
tolcphono in binding.
Not ono lifo insurance company is
now doing business in Kansas. Tho
statutory conditions aro bo onerous
. that all havo withdrawn.
Tho now woman is pleased to reflect
that thoro nr, according to tho cen
sus, a million and a linlf more men
than women in tho United States.
Tho Minnesota census thiH year pre
sents nuuuomtily. Exoopting Dulntb,
the cities haven't grown much, but tho
farming population has greatly in
creased. Tho pcoplo of tho United States
use, on an average, 12,000,000 post
ago stamps of all kinds each and ovcry
day of tho year, or a total of about
4,330,000,0110 per annum.
It is proponed to run ou aluminum
works iu Great llritaiu by power from
tho falls of Foyer, but tho "National
Trust for Places of Historic Interest
or Natural Boauty" is fighting tho pro
ject. England's hnrveat will bo a very bad
ouo, according to tho Mark Lano Ex
press, owiug to tho fcvoro frost iu tho
"spring, followed by a Ions diought.
All crops aro below tho avorago, tho
percentages being : Wheat, 73.5 ; bar
ley, 84. 9 ; onts, 7H.5 ; grass and hay,
fill; potatoes, 80.7; bcaus, 72, and
pea?, 75. 'J.
i -An
odd step iu tho movemont for
booming looal industries, whioh has
lately started up and nttuiuod much
headway in tho West, has boou mado
at Sioux Falls, South Dakota, notes
tho Now York Sun. An or.linauoo has
beeu passed requiring all poddlers aud
hawkers who sell goods not manufac
tured or produced iu tho Stale to pay
a license of $10 a day.
Tho Surceo Indians recently in
formed tho Ooveruor-Gouer.il of
Canada that they did not intend to
work, nor did they believe in it, an it
was unhealthy. Tho idea is not origi
nal with them, observes tho Trenton
(N. J.) American, but it shows that
the savage mind is not oquul to grap
pling with philosophical problems that
havo agitated their oivilized brethren
for agoe.
Iu the new British Parliament there
aro 131 ftraduatoa of Oxford, 110 of
Cambridge, twenty-four of Loudon,
thirty-ouo of SootoU aad twonty of
Irish universities. Of tho public
tchoola Eton is first with 101 mem
bers, then comes Harrow with fifty
one ; Itugby has only seventeen. Tho
oldest member is Mr. Villiors, who
is ninety-three ; next comes Sir John
Mowbray, who nominated tho Speak
er; ho is cighty-ouo. Iho youngest
members aro Mr. Richard Cavendish,
tho Hon. A. li. Ii.ithuret and Viscount
Milton, all twenty-three, and all be
longing to families iu tho poerage.
Tho fulliug o!T In rural population,
as shown iu tho last census, is mostly
within tho first hulf of tho doea le,
itutcs tho Boston Cultivator, There
has long boou a tendency from tho
farm to the cities, but it is at last
cheeked, and wo believe that tho pop
ulation of eouutry towns is now email
er than it is ever likely to bo agaiu.
All that is ueodod is to secure better
roads, thus couuoctiug these rural
towns with their neighboring oitios
. . and with the world at large. Thero is
. already tho beginning of a movement
of tho wealthy towards the country.
With better moans of communication
between town and city, this uiovonieut
will bo sure to incrouso and give to
farm lauds in Massachusetts a greater
value thau thoy havo had for many
years.
, Charles Johnson, of New York City,
is one of tbo --nluckiest mon liviug,
and he is iu a fair way to bo crushed
by circumstances over which ho has
no control. A short time ago, 'relates
' ,the Atlanta Constitution, Mr. Johnson
fell three stories and cracked his skull.
This was bad enough, but when a jury
. awarded him damages for his injuries
" tho defonduut failed aud he got little
. or nothing. The worst, however, was
. still to come. Ho hal employed a
medical expert to testify to the nature
and extent of his wounds, aud because
ho is unable to pay tho man's feo uu
tier an order oi tue court no is now
serving three mouths for contempt iu
Raymond street jail. It is a pecuiiur
case, aud should bo recorded anions
the curiosities of justice. Here is a
man who is lunoceut, with a good
oasr, us tho verdict shows, aud be
csuue the defendants have failed to
pay him the amount of hi judgment
Us must be punished like a felon,
OPEN THE DOOM.
Open the door, let In tlio air,
The winds aro sweet aud tho flowers are
fairs
Joy Is abroad Id tho world to-day.
It our door Is wldo open he may oome this
woy.
Open the door.
Open the door, let iu the sun,
Ho hath a smile for cvory one;
lie hath mado ot tho raindrops gold and
goms,
Ho may change our tears to dladams.
Open the door.
Open tho door ot the soul, lot in
Strong, pure thoughts, which shall banish
sin;
Thoy will grow aud bloom with a graoo
dlvlno,
And their trult shall bo sweeter than that ot
' the vino.
Open tho door.
Open tho door ot tho hoart, let in
Byinputliy sweut for stranger and kin;
It will make tho halls ot tho heart so fair
That angels may ontor unaware.
Opon the door.
-rhlongo Inter Ocean.
A DELAYED ERRAND.
ELL, ot all the
things! Jim Car
roll, Lev you got
home at last t"
A rod-faced and
angry woman
stoo d in the
kitchen door, her
sleeves rolled tip
ana tier arms
akimbo. A ruoek
littlo man dis
mounted from Lis horse at tho gato,
and proocoded to nubuoklo tho girth
and take off tho saddlo, which he
threw upon tho fence. A pull at the
headstall removed the bridle, and tho
horeo, with a snort of satisfaction, at
ouco lay down and rollod in tho sandy
road. Tho bridle was thrown across
the saddle, and the littlo man opened
tho gate slowly and hesitatingly, as
one who knows what things the tor
turer is preparing for him.
"1 was a-comin', Mincrvy," ho bo
gan, bnt tho stridout voice interrupt
ed him.
"Comin' I Yos, I rockin so I So is
Christmas a-comin' I Here I've had
this supper ready one solid hour, an'
the coffee's not fit to drink by this
time I An' tho olo red cow o' Petcrses
has been in tho corn again, an' no
body but me to drive her out ; but it's
littlo you keor what I hov to suffer,
so's you kin go to town an' sot roun'
tho stores an' tell lies with that no
'couut gang that stays there 1 An' I
know jest as well as ef I'd a seen it
that you never brung that thread nor
thorn piepuus I"
"I was a-goin'togit'em, Minervy,"
began the little man, meekly, "but
they was up thar makin' up a com
pany "
"Didn't I know it, Jim Carroll I
Didn't I know it? If ever there was a
woman neglected an' abused from one
year's end to another,' I am that wo
man. Hero I am, slaviu' an' slnvin'
from morniu' till night, an' never
knowin' what it is to go nowhere ex
ccptin' to preaehin' oucot a mouth
an' graoious knows if it wan't for beiu'
a Christian I never could stand this
kind of a lifo, an' you know that well
enough ; an' hero are you, gaddin'
about like of yon didn't Lev a kcer in
the world I"
Tho red-faced woman withdrew into
tho house, aud the meek littlo man
followed her. He hoped that the
worst of tho storm was over, and he
ventured to rouiark with a conciliat
ing smile :
"I never thought you'd bo so mad
about it, Minervy."
"Thoro it is!" shrieked the now
thoroughly aroused lady. "Yoo kiu
tear around this house au' treat mo
worso thau a slave, but if over I Bay a
worU the lat s in the lire. Things has
come to a pretty pass if I can't opeu
my mouth bnt what somebody Las to
accuse me o' beiu' mad I I reckiu I'll
Lov to be gagged after a while, Bo'ji I
can t say notbin I II ever 1 did soo a
dominecrin', ovorbeariu' man, you're
that man. Here you kin insult me as
much as you please, but I don't dare
to Bay my soul is my own. An' when
you knowed Low I needed that thread
au' them piepans, au' you go all tho
way to town, uu then come buck with
out 'em I Go out an' git a armful o'
wood to git breakfast with t I rockin
you kin remember that? Gracious
knows, if all tho meu was liko you the
women folks would bo a plagued sight
hotter off without 'om than thoy uir
with 'em."
Tho littlo man went out at tho opon
door and aiound tho house toward the
woodpile. Ho paused thero to draw
his hand across Lis perspiring fore
head, and to make a remark to him
self. The remark was simply
"Whowl" but it oonvoyod au amouut
of expression. Then he picked up
two or three sticks of wood, aud then
ha stood up, looking off down tho val
ley toward the town, whoso lights ho
could just see glimmering faintly iu
the gathering twilight.
He stood thero eo long, absorbed in
his own thoughts, that an impatient
step began to resound through tho
house, and a sarcastic- voice was pro
jected into the gloaming :
"Jim Carroll, air you a-comin' with
that wood, or air you a-goiu' to ttuy
ull night?"
Tho sound awakeuod him us from a
trance, and he started so violeutly that
tho sticks ot wood full from his arms.
Some strauge emotion seized him at
tho noise made by the falling wood.
Ho pulled Lis hat dowu over his
brows, gave one gluuco back over his
shoulder, scaled tho fence and fled
wildly down the elope of thehill uudcr
the thick shadows of the trees.
It was a long time before he could
convince himuelf that he was not pur
sued. The rustliug of the leaves be
hind Liu lent wings to his feet, A
dozen times he felt Mincrvy's hand on
his ooat collar, and he know that if it
were there ho wonld have no choico
but to go back. Such time was novor
made Binco the days of Turn O'Shan
ter. Over fallen trco trunks, around
upturned roots, vaulting ovor gullies,
dodging low hanging limbs, dragging
himself free from tho ombraco of too
affectionate briars, away he went down
tho hill, pursued by the avenging
shadow of Minorvy.
At tho foot of the slope, whore tho
hill and valley met, ho emerged into
tho road. It was quito dark, and the
fear of pursuit haunted Lim no longer
that is, not to any great extent. Ho
didn't run now; ho only walked rap
idly. Ho carried his hat in his hand,
and mopped his perspiring brow with
his handkerchief, and remarked in an
amazed undortouo :
"By Nodi" ,
In tho littlo town a vacant store
building was thronged with men, many
of whom had just enlisted as volun
teers, and many others had como to
look on, filled with curiosity, but not
overflowing with patriotism. Tho war
was but a fow months old, and only
vague rumors of it had penotratod to.
those remote districts. This was tho
first company of volunteers to go
from this section, and it was mado up
wholly of those more daring spirits
who were willing to risk anything in
tho mere lovo of adventure.
A commotion back by the door told
of a now arrival, and the crowd will
ingly made way for Lim. A little man,
rumpled as ti hair and tattered as to
garments, struggled into the clear
space in front of the enrolling fSjcer
and said :
"Ef tho oomp'ny ain't made up yet
you kin put me in."
Everybody knew Lim, and every
body laughed. The laugh was a
cheery ono, brimming with amuse
ment, and it tilled tha room and ex
tended out into tho street.
"How'd you manage to git off from
Minervy, Jim?" askod a tall fellow
who was going to stay at Lome, pre
sumably because he couldn't "git off
from" the wife over whom he domi
neered. "Docs Minervy know yon'ro out?"
shouted anothor jccringly.
"Jist think of it, boys," 'drawlod a
third. "Think o' Jim Carroll j'inin'
tho Smithville Tigers 1 He's a whale
of a tiger, ain't he?"
"Nevor mind," interrupted tho en
rolling ofllcor grimly. "He'll make
as good food for powder as any of
you."
With whioh choerful suggestion Jim
Carroll was duly enrolled as a private
in the Smithville Tigers, and by dawn
tho next morning the company was on
the road, marching gayly off to tho
tuno of "Tho Oirl I Left Behind Me."
About a mouth later one of tho
Tigers, Silo Colburn, remarked in a
general way to several of the others :
"Wall, boys, fur's I'm concerned,
yon kin leavo off laughiu' at Jim Car
roll an' pokiu' fun at 'im. Jim, Le
never growls at tha marchiu', nor tho
weather, nor nothin' else, an' he doos
moro'n his sheer o' tho work, yon all
know that blamed well. An' he sloops
on tho groun' without any kivor bo's
to givo me his cxtry blankit all o' last
week, when I wau't fooliu' so mighty
vigris. I'll bet they wonldn't none o'
the rest o' you 'a, done it."
"Jos' wait till a buttle comes up,"
said long Bon Finks scornfully. "You
won't nevor hear of Jim Carroll agaiu
after tho fust gun fires. He'll pitch
out a-ruuniu', nn' he'll be a-ruuniu'
yit whou the truuipit Bounds for the
mcrleunium."
Within thrco days there was a bat
tle ; a battle- for which some of the
Tigers had longed, and whioh others
had awaited with dread. The wejik
littlo man who had tied from Minervy
found himself, with the other Tigers,
and dim, gray-coated ranks beyond
charging up a hill, in the face of a
battery that plowed through their
ranks and laid rows of slaughtered
meu along tho slope behiud them, but
still they rushed on, their faces set
grimly. Jim Carroll was ono of the
lirst to leap upon a smoking cannon
and snatch away tho fuse, aud thenou
iu tho pursuit, as the enomy retreatod,
btubboruly lighting their way iuch by
iuoh.
Tho next duy something happened.
Jim Carroll was offered promotion for
bravery on tho held of battle.
"I'm much obligod," he said, fumb
ling with his bat in an embarrassed
niauuer, "but it it's all the same to
you, I'd rather not. I'd lots ruther
do jest plain ilghtiu'."
So Jim Carroll was loft to do plain
fightiu', and there is no denying that
he diil it well. It enmo to be acknowl
edged as a settled fact that the littlo
mau wtoin Minervy had ruled with a
rod of iron did not kuow what fear
was. Tho first guus of u battle tired
him, as tho sound of tho trumpet
roused the biblical warhorse. He
rushed into a charge with head up and
eyes flashing. His only trouble was
that hu could not bear to retreat, and
whou the exigencies of battle demauded
a retreat ho yielded with tho uioit
ludicrous unwillingness.
His superior ollieers found Lim out,
aud whou thero was a dillicult or dan
gerous mission Jim Carroll was the
man to bo sent upon it. The meek lit
Mo muu with timid aud appculing look
mado more thau one journey into tho
enemy's lines, aud returned with in
formation which no ouo else could
have gained. Loutr aud lo-ioiy jour
neys, through sections bristling with
duugers, fell to his share, uud he was
frequently placed where nothing but
quick thought aud ready uit could
save him. No ouo had ever suspected
him of having either res ) i; .'. , b-it he
came out of every diflieulty uuscathed
and reported at headquarters with tho
old meekuess aud gentleness.
"Thut Jim Currull is a caution," re
marked Sile Colburn to a crowd of his
native villagers, when bo was taUiu , u
liU'e ririoiijU uu a.-.'v.iut of a bulUt
through Lis lung. "It's my boliol
that Jim Carroll's the bravest man
that's fit into tho war. Why, when
ou Colonel went down iu that laf!
battle, what does Jim do but run righ
back into tho faoo of tho enomy, grab
a Ioobo horso, git our Colonol onto 'im
an' come a-bringin' 'im away, cool as
a ououmber. The enemy yelled like
mad when thoy seen it, an' ho could 'a
got a pcrmotion then an' thar ef he'd
'a had it. But he said no, I thank
you, Jim did. He said he'd lots ruther
do plaiu fightiu'."
Tho four years were past tho "plain
fightin' " was over. Appromattox was
a recent memory, and along all the
roadways trailed dusty and forlorn
figures, their facos turned toward
whatever region thoy had once called
home. Two men limped painfully
down the valley to the littlo town
lying peaceful and serene in tho even
ing light as though thero had boon no
such thing as war in all the world.
Purple shadows ot clouds drifted
across the distant hills, and along a
strip of whito road on the outskirts of
the town a company of small boys with
paper caps and wooden guns wore
playing soldi'.
"Now, Jim," nrged Silo, beseoch-n8-y
"don't go back on your word.
Remember wha', you promised, Jim.
Don't yo go an' lot Minorvy git the
stait of you ag'in. Jest think how
you fit into tho war, an' stan' np for
your rights."
"I 'lowed I would, Sile," replied
Jim, but there was a faltering in his
tone as he glanced np the hill toward
the cabin, where a thread of blue
smoko curled softly np into the even
ing air.
"Now, Jim, ef you give down I'll
be plum ashamed o' yc, that's what I
will. If you let Minervy got the start
o' you oncet more it's goodby to your
chances. An' a man that fit like you
did, too."
"I'll take keor, Sile," said the hero
of battle and scout. "I'm a-goiu' into
a store a minute to buy Bomethiug.
an' thoi I'm agoin' np homo."
Mjnorvy had the snppor nearly
ready in the little oabin on the hill.
She was iu a Lurry, because every
thing must bo cleared away before
dark. Candles wcra too scarco to bo
wasted, and tho tall woman in the
homespun dress had learned all thoro
was to be learned in the way of pinch
ing economies. She had set the yel
low platter of "corn pone" on tho
table and was turning back again
when a figure in the doorway startlod
hor.
"Minorvy, bore's the wood you sent
mo after," said the meek littlo man,
I and ho went across tho room and laid
the armful of wood beside the hearth.
"An' here's that thread an' them
piepans."
A grim humor iu the utterance
struck hor, and sho foil back into a
chair, liughing and crying at the same
time, and clapping Ler worn, brown
bauds.
"Well, you waited for 'em to grow,
I rockin," sho ejaculated between
sobs. "But it dou't niako no dill'
ruuee, Jim. I'm done scoldin' the
rost o' my life. Supper's ready, Jim.
I'm glad you got home in time for
supper. "
And while she cried, tho "bravest
man who fit in tho war" wiped away
the tears from her face with a baud as
tender as though it had never handled
a gun or been blackened with powder.
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Bid Drinking Water.
Too much stress cannot be put upon
the necessity of pure driuking water.
Not only is it important for villages
and cities, but too oftou tho location
of the well ou a farm has beeu a mat
ter of indifference. Eithor from care
lessness or ignoranoo it has been made
whore it will take surface drainage or
from some underground fissure re
ceive water from the barn or, wors3
yet, seepage from tho kitchou slops or
other house drainage.
The following sad exporionoe affords
a warning: Miskawaka, a little Til
lage near South Bend, lud., had been
visited annually by contagious disease
causing many deaths. Thrco mouths
ago au opidemiu of diphtheria broke
out, which quiokly spreud over tho
entire village, aud caused a number of
deaths. Workmen cugagod ou an
electric plunt were obliged to shut oil
tho water yesterday aud drain the
reservoir from which the water mains
of Mishawuka are supplied. Tho bed
of the pit was fouud covered with
dead fish, snakes, eels, cats, dogs, and
other uuimals. The workmen who at
tempted to clean tho pit were over
come. All of the water used iu Mishawaka
was drawn through this mass of de
caying annual matter. Farm, Field
aud Fireside.
Discovery Abaut Filter.
It is well kuowu that the thickness
of the layer of line sand iu littering
buds oauuot bo reduced beyoud a cer
tain poiut without endangering the
quality of tho water that liltors
through. Dr. KurtU, ot Bremen, has
found iu vxuuiiuiug water tiltere 1
through a layer not suflioieiitly thick
that the number of bacteria was great
ly iuereased, owing to tha preseueo of
a special microbe that could not bo
fouud iu tho water bofor j it entered
tho filter. Tlieio luijrobes must,
therefore, have existed iu tho filter
ing material uud havo beeu developed
by tho passage of water through it.
New York Sun.
Preventive o! Ivy Poison,
A writer iu Garden and Forest says
a workman iu his garden, whenever
he had occasion to meddle with pois
on ivy, always pulls ouo of the small
leaves aud eats a piece of it, assurliug
that the workmen ou railways ulou
wlio-n embankments the plant abounds
iiutuys do thi :u n preventive lueas
i urc, uud escape pououiug.
SCIENTIFIC AM) INDUSTRIAL,
Camphor and gun cotton are the
chief constituents of celluloid goods.
A Geneva firm is manufacturing
phonographio clocks, which call the
hour instead of striking it.
Dr. Alexander states that several re
cent cases of typhoid fever have boon
traoed to the eating of wateroross
whioh has grown in polluted water.
According to tho Commandor-in-Chief
of India 50,000 ont of 70,000
mon composing the army Lave been
sent to tho hospital within two years.
A Pennsylvania inventor has pro
ducod an explosive which in recent
tests proved five per cent, moro pow
erful than dynamite It is safe from
concussion and explodes with a fuse.
Dr. Lawrio, of Hydorabad, India,
Bays that there are no parasites in the
blood in malaria, and that the Italian
investigators have mistaken tbo nu
clei of the white cells in the blood for
microbes.
The London Connty Counoil are
considering a proposal to tunnel un
der the Thames, from Rothcrhito to
Shadwell, and will be asked to take
steps to ascertain tho nature of the
bed of the river.
It is well known that where a solu
tion of sulphate of iron Las been used
for spraying potatoos there is a
stronger growth of vino, whioh cor
roborates the claim that iron in small
proportions deepens the color of
plants.
Acetylene, the brilliant new gas, can
be easily liquified and stored until
needed. When it is to be used tbo
pressure is lessened, and it becomes
gaseous agaiu. It gives more than
ten times the light of coal gas burned
in tho best burners.
Tho Committee for tho Study of
Glaciers, which was appointed at tho
moeting of the International Congress
of Geologists of Zurich, Las recontly
made soma interesting discoveries.
Tho glaciers of New Zealand have been
carefully explored and mapped out.
It has boeu found that tbo rate of
movement of tho Now Zealand glaciers
averagos 151.2 inches per diem. From
observations in tho valleys containing
large glaciers it is concluded that the
ice has passed at four different levels
in its dosoent.
About Kceplnir SIiojs.
I Lave before me a pair of shoes ;
ono, save for tho shape of tho foot
having destroyed tho stiff outlines of
newness, looking as if it might Lave
just left the store ; the other shoo
looks as if even a tramp might paes it
by with contempt, Yet thoy are
mates.
One Las been cleaned, the other Las
not, is all the difference ; yet neither
has ever been "blacked ;" the shoos
have nevor been worn with rubber?,
yet when cleaned tho loather is soft
aud pliable as one could wish ; yet
with all the spick and spanuoss they
aro half worn out. How is it done?
Havo three small, clean aloths, a
basin of water, a bottle of cosmoline,
vaseline, petroleum jelly, or whatover
namo you like to call it, it is all the
Mmn. and n. fdnan ubno nnlifiliini" nr
! eloth brush.
Tho shoes should bo wiped as froo
of mud as possible bo fore drying aud
should bo hung iu a warm current of
air, say two or three feet above a reg
ister or stove-pipe, not underueuth
the kitchen range, where they will bo
scorched on to and wet underneath.
When they aro perfectly dry wipe
the mud stains off with a damp cloth,
be sure to get them all off ; thou rab
hard with a dry cloth, then polish
with the brush, boiug careful about
tho etitchiug aud arouud the solo. It
is best to do only a part at a time, Bay
first tho vamp, ono side, thou the
other, not forgetting the heel.
Unless your shoos havo beeu badly
scuffed aud rotted by bad shoo dress
ing they will look almost like now.
Now rub cosmoline over them with a
cloau cloth and rub it well iu ; use it
liberally, for too littlo will only de
stroy the polish, while plenty of cos
moliuo improves it. Tho whole shoo
should be carefully doue, even among
Iho buttons aud buttonholes, aud
presto, your shoes aro soft aud pliable,
black, aud just polished enough to
look well; will not staiu yonr under
clothes or fingers wheu puttiug them
on, uud a little water will do them no
harm.
Try it ouco, and you will novel
aut to do it auy other way. Phila
delphia Times.
('igautie Peti'illed Oyster.
A bed of petrified oysters was fouud
on tho top oi Big Mountain, just back
of Forkston, Wyoming County, Penn.,
a short time since. A. Judsou Starke
aud Willium N. Reynolds, Jr., oi
Lafayette College, amateur geologists
of Tuukhaunoek, spout a duy on the
mountain and brought back a lino col
lection of them. Soma of tho speci
mens are of mammoth size, one uioas
uring twenty-two inches long by uiue
inohes wido, and weighing forty
pouuds. The specimens range iu all
sizes, from this dowu to the ordinary
cdiblo oyster of tho present time.
Some of the speciricus show tho eye
oi tho oyster perfei t'y, atd in ull oi
thcin the meat is ci. .ily removed from
the shell. Tho bod seems to bo cou
lined to a small mound retting ou
broad pluteau, ut tho extreme top ol
tho mountain, near the Sullivan
Couuty line, uud was first unearthed
by workmen iu grading a railroad
from Lopez to tho Jennings Brothers'
lumber tracts. Philadelphia Ledger.
Must Prove They Cuu Itiie,
Bicycle accidents are very rure iu
St. Petersburg, Russia, for tho simple
reason that tho authorities do not
uUow tho use of tho bicycle iu public
except by riders who huvu given satis
factory pioof of proficiency before u
severe bourd of exumiueru,
THE MERRY SIDE OK LIKE.
BTORIKS THAT ASK TOI.T) BY THE
FDNlfT MEN OF THE PRE33.
The Bicycle Kacn Those tient le Crea
tures Sufficient Cause Why llo
Did It A Touchy Point, Ktc, Ktc.
"Ah, mo, what ponl do environ
Tho mnn who m 11U! with cold tronj'
I startnd on my Hvlnit whwl,
Tho flush of xtreis to ftl.
When, dlscoiitonted with its load,
It seuttertM mt' along the road,
And though I lit ou every place,
The most of It was on my (nn:
5iw York Hun.
T1IOSB OENTI.K CREATI'IIEH,
Miss Oldnm (playfully) "I'm older
than you think I am."
Miss Canstiquo "I doubt it."
Chicago Record.
WHT I1B DID IT.
Fond Parent "Bobby, did you pick
all tho white meat oil this chicken?"
Bobby "Well, pop, to make a clean
breast of it, I did."
SOTTICKNT CAUSE.
Daughter "Papa went away iu
very good spirits this moruing."
Mother "Good gracious I That ro
minds me that 1 forgot to ask Lim for
some money 1"
THB TROUBLE WITH HIW.
"Rising nicely, ain't Le, mamma?"
"Jimmy! What on earth have you
beon doing with Fido?"
"He's just e't three yeast cakes au 1
drunk a pan of sour milk." Chicago
Record.
KILLS EVEUV TIUE.
"I see they aro introducing an army
musket which is said to be very dead
If" "Yos, it is so constructed that no
body can tell if it is loadod or uot. "
Detroit Tribuno.
A TOUOHI rOINT.
He (pleadingly) "Why can't wo bo
married?"
She (coyly) "Oh, I cau't boar to
leavo father alono just yet."
Ho (earnostly) "But, my darliug,
Lo has had you such a loug.lou " timo?"
She (f roezingly) "Sir !"- Pittsburg
Dispatch.
ONE OF TUB COM HON HERD.
Mrs. De Stylo "I mc afraid that
young man who called ou you last
evening is not accustomed to good so
ciety." Daughter "Why, mother?"
Mrs. De Stylo " Whenever ho
speaks, ho Bays something." New
York Weekly.
HIS ANGEL.
"What is that, dear?" tho young
Lusbaud asked.
"Angel food," said she, sweetly.
"I I guess you better eat it your
self. You aro tho only augel iu tho
house."
And ho Lelped himself liberally to
the bread and beef. Indianapolis
lournul.
AND HAD NO BBTl'BMH.
"Odd about that kiliiug of Smodly,
wasu't it?"
"I hadu't heard."
"Yes; took out a 8500'J policy only
last week aud yesterday was shot and
killed."
"Woll, Bomo fellows wero born
lucky I've beeu paying pieiuiums for
twenty-five years." Chicago Record.
tommy's lo:uc.
Mr. Bliss "No, Tommy, you can
not have any moro cake. Dou't you
know it is very wrong to ask tho sec
ond time for auything?"
Tommy Bliss "You did it, papa."
Mr. Bliss "I did it, Tommy 1 Why,
what do you mean?"
Tommy Bliss "Why, mamma's
your second wife." Youkers States
man. AT A LEOATION IlEC'EITION.
Miss Fuller "Whou our Americans
go to China thoy build railrou Is, start
live enterprises, and are of great beue
fit to your o mutry. Wheu a Chiua
mau comes here he is eouteut to open
a laundry. How do you aceonut for
it?"
Mandarin Hit Rico "Molicaus need
bleep more cleaning. " Lesiio's
Weekly.
HIS OllJECT IN HPEAKINtl.
He "Miss Perrymead, while I may
not bo the man of your choice ot this
moment, yet I venture to hope"
She "1 cau only bo a sister "
"As I was saying. Miss Perrymead,
while I may not bo your choice, 1
dou't waut you to forget me when the
time comes for you to look for u
chauco instead of a choice. " Indian
apolis Journal.
THE UNEXPECTED.
The landlord presents his bill lo the
traveler. The latter looks at tho sum
total aud prepares to pay without de
mur. Mine host, stupefied ut this uuwouted
promptitude ou tho part of a guoit,
stum mors out :
"Beg your pardon, sir, will you let
me have another look at the bill? 1
mutt huvo omitted something."
A CANl'Ui MAN.
Mr. Billus had bought a new piano.
A lusty follow with red hair was as
sisting iu currying tho inMi anient
into the house, wheu Mr. II i U u s thus
addressed him :
"What a pity it is, Lally, that, you
'and I wero not born rich instead of
handsome."
"Excuse me, sor," replied Lally,
taking a good look ut lmu, "but I
think wo were late va both." Chi
cago Tribune.
WHEN COTTON BALES COME IN.
Bo the cotton bales art? cominc, and they'll
Boon be with us hirp.
When the streets will all he K'adilenoil wltt
the whlto Bloom of the Ywir!
From the boats and car3 and wa:ns will
arise a rhythmic din.
And the world will he a-hlossom when the
cotton tales come In!
The world will he the whiter.
Our hearts will all be lighter, f
Aud prospects loom tlio brighter,
When tho cotton bales come In!
Iu the uplaud fields nul bottom, like a
spreading Hummer snow,
Old Klug Cotton's boou a-dreamlng of the
happy time to go.
For he'll blep- a hundred Nations, and above
the roar aud din.
He will hear the eople's hlessiugf, when tho
cotton bales come Iu!
The earth will glimmer newer,
Aud bosoms bent the truer,
While skies will beam the bluer, 1
When the cotton bales come In!
Will T. Hale, in Memphis Commercial.
11UM0K OF THE DAY.
lie "I can toll a woman's age, no
matter how old she is." She "You
must be a brute." Puck.
Magistrate "Now tell me why you
stole that watch." Prisoner "Oh,
just to while away the time." rhihv
Uolphia Record.
"Help 1 Help 1" cried the man who
was being robbed. "Calm yourself,"
said the highwayman. "I don't nocd
any assistance." Town Topics.
AdolpUus "Why, Ethel, aro you
looking at mo so intently?" Ethel
(dreamily) "I was gazing at vacan
cy, Dolly." Boston Transcript.'
Manager "Yes, we advertised for
a night watchman." Applicant
"Then I'm just the ono for the place.
The slightest noise will wakd mo np."
Customer "These trousers don't
sit just right about the hips." Tailor
"They're all right what you need
is something more in tho pockets."
Chicago Record.
A. "Have you ever heard the eight-year-old
violin player who is creating
such a sensation?" B. "Oh, yes! I
heard him in Berlin twelve years ago 1"
Ephemere Couiiqne.
Alphonse "You never hear of
women ca shiers running off with thoir
employers' money." Heuri "Not
often ; but when it does happen thoy
take the omployer too."
Old Girl "You sav that you would
Lustle after a mau?" "New Girl
"Yos, certainly." "Why do such an
unsecming thing?" "lo reduco my
wait." Adams Freeman. ,
"I've an idea in my head," exclaimed
young Mr. Goslio. "But are you
quite sure that you can distinguish
between ideas and wheels?" asked Miss
Kittish. Detroit Freo Press.
He "What a pity that Miss Vera
de Vera should havo lost her good
name." She (greatly shocked) "Iu
heaven's name, what do you moan?"
Ho "Why, marrying a mau named
Jones, of course."
"We must fly," said Murat to Na
poleon, on oue occasion wheu tho bat
tle had gone sorely against thorn. "It
is impossible," repliod the latter.
'The enemy Las destroyed bothwiugj
of the army." Harper's Bazar.
Visitor "I dou't hear that awful
piauo upstairs?" Bagley "No, they
don't play it auy more." Visitor
"What's the matter?" Bagley "I've
bought a deerhouud which howls every
time he hears music." CLicago
Record.
School Teacher "If you had your
choice, Willie, would yo I rather be
as wise us Solomon, us great us Julius
Ciosur, us rich as Ci'(us, as eloq'icnt
as Demosthenes or as tall as Goliath?"
Willie "I'd rather be a drummer in
a bran baud I"
They wero driving together, when
Miss Rocks, unsolicited, gurgled forth
her views upon matrimony. "Love ia
u dreary desert," she said, "an I mar
riage uu oasis." Whereupou Mr.
Shyly remarked that "it certainly di.l
re. pure a deal ofsun l."
Weary Business Mau (hanging to
strap) "Why in creation dou't you
run more ears?" Street Car Presi
dent "My dear sir, it would paiu me
exceedingly to deprive courteous gen
tlemen like yourself of the privilege
of giviug up a seat to a lady."
"Jeremiah," said Mr. Jingle's wife,
as that gentleman eame home some
what late, "you don't write me touch
ing apostrophes us yo.i use to."
"No," replied Mr. Jingle, "and you
didu't used to talk question marks Hr.ii
exclamation points us you do now."
Washington Star.
Aiislralia Sees l'r till I it Her Pl.irir.
Rabbits may yet save the country.
Tho Secretary for Agrioulturo bus re
ceived a letter from Mr. Berry of tho
the Agent-General's ollico statm that
it is expected during tho comin ? sea
sou that tho price of rabbits will bo
from tweuty cents to twenty-two cent
each. The charges for dock dues,
curtugo uud commission at London
are about two eeuts per rabbit, aud to
Hull or auy other lu iuuf icturiug pro
vincial citioi about two cents extra,
lie adds: "There is uot the slightest
doubt that a very lire trade indeed
is open to Victoriuu rabbits in tlio
ereat manufacturing districts, such a.
Leeds, Manchester and iShelliehl,
where ull the members of u fauii!.
work ut the mills, uud therefore havo
not much time to spare for cooking.
Rabbits can be easily cooked, and ara
accordingly mujh favore I by mill
workers, aud it u no uuusuul thing
wheu rabbits are cheap for thorn t J
bo the sole looal meat food eaten by
tho family during tho week." lie
strongly ures Victoriuu shippers ta
tike a small profit iu order lo assist. iu
pushing trade iu rubbit.s m these dis
tricts. Melbourne ( Vistraliii) Argus.