iTbe Forest Republican
Ii pnbHsbed ovary WodnoaJay, by
J. E. WENK.
Office In Smearbaugh & Co.'i BuilOing
ELM STREET, TIONESTA, TA.
Tcrmi, 1.(() 1'or Yonr,
No sntwerlpllons rornlvBd for a shorter
period ihnn throe month".
Oornwpondonce solicited from nil parts of
the country. No notloo will bo takeu of
nnonymous communications.
RATX8 Of ADVERTISING! '
On. Bqmtr, on. isnk, im Im-Ho. .1 I
On. Hqatr, on Inoh, on, month. . IW
On. BqtiM, oa. tnoh, tarm motiUi. . 0
On, 8quar, on. Inch, on jr,M. . WW
Two Hqaar-M, on, year 1 00
Siim.rtmr Column, on. 7Hr.,.M W 0&
ilf Column, omj f 0000
'On, Column, on, yr.-r-. 100
Vftd advwrtlMauaai to oat, par Dm
sen timrtkn.
Marriage. " !
All bill, f orrrly KlTw-tlwni.nt, mM
jurtrlT. Imponrj mArvUmmm) mm
it nrirl in idnno.
Job work ouh oa dslinry.
i
TO A SUNBEAM.
. Forest Republican.
: .
VOL. XXVIII. NO. 20. TIOKESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 4, 1895. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
Genornl Sohoflcld wants the United
States Array increased to 100,000
men.
In some of the Pacific Const State,
a horse is not worth so much aa a
Bheep dog.
William Cnrrol, of Brooklyn, who
Lag 107 years' experionoo of the world'!
affairs, snys that it is steadily growing
better.
With the exception of Belgium,
whoeo debt hns boon incurred for In
ternal improvements, every European
National debt is in great part a war
The New York Mail and Express re
marks: "It is a hopeful sign whou
more than 1,000,000 industrial work
ers receive an advance of wagon aver
aging about ten per cent., during the
first half of the year 1895. And the
figures aro official."
A prominent physician thinks, it
nmaziug to sea so many people travel
ing for their health with a rapidity
that suggests they have been shot out
of a gun. He thinks it rather remark
ftblo that so few of them kill thorn
selves iu trying to get well.
The first practical attempt to raiso
joiirnulimn to the height of a learned,
acknowledged profession in Germany
is being nindo at Heidelberg Univer
sity, whero Professor Adolph Koch,
I ho hiHtoiian, is delivering a series of
lectures on the history of journalism
and of the press.
Tho cn pi tul employed in banking in
tho priuoipal countries is as follows :
Great Britain, $1,020,000,000 ; Unitod
States, 12,035,000,000; Germany, $1,
423,000.000; Frunce, 81,025,000,000;
Austria, S3J.033,000 ; Rujsia, $775,
000,030; Italy, $133,000,000; Aus
traliu, $123,000,000; Canada, $175,
000,000. Tho Atluutu Constitution observes:
Tho new directory of St. Taul givei
that city a population of 190,000,
whereupon tho Miuneapolitans ex
claim : "Oh, wait till you hear from our
directory mun. lie's not slow. lie will
rbeto thooccusioii." With these rival
cities it is a question of which direc
tory comes out lust, or, as Colonel
Ciirter, of Western Texas, used to any:
"I like to hear the other fellow lio
find. I then know just how fur I must
go to annihilate him."
How ninny of tho pooplo who use
the "pump-haudio" handshake know
its origin? asks tho Pathfinder. A
Wostornur hit the idea of its discom
fort when ho Bnid it was "for all tho
world like shakin paws over a barbed
wire feuce." The truth of the matter
is that it was originated by the Prinoe
of Wules when "that august person
age" was sufiVriug from a boil under
tho uruy necessitating tho awkward
movement. Doesn't Shakespeare say,
"New customs, though they be never
so ridiculous, nay, let them bo unman
ly, yet are followed."
Speaking of the harvest outlook,
the New York Herald any, that winter
wheat fured very bally, but the loss is
considerably repaired by spring wheat,
the average condition of which is
102.2, and for all whent tho average
condition is 70.2 figures which indi
cate that the total wheat yield will bo
over 400,000,000 bushels, from threo
fourths to four-fifths of an averago
harvest. Tho nverago condition of
corn is 99.3, and the acroage 107.8, as
compared with tho area planted in
1834. Tho largest oorn crop over pro
duced in the Unitc'd States was 2,000,
000 bushels, iu 1891. But if the
present estimates of the Doparttnout
of Agriculture prove to be correct tho
corn crop of 1893 will break even this
record.
The New York Ledger maintains
that the seoret of Chiua'a downfall is
iu her insulaticn, whiob has lasted for
thousands of years, and strongly re
pulled all exterior inlluenoos. She
marked time while tho West marched
past, aud her rude uwakeuiug has
come from Western forces via Japan ;
that is tbeex&ot truth of the situation.
Perhaps the agonies she has endured
in the late war may be the birth-throes
of a nobler Nutioual cxistcnoe for
China. Certaiuly, if the rulors were
not so blind, thera is not a more
patient, quiet, enduring man than the
Chinaman, aud unpopular though it
may ba to say so, wo believe that the
last word bos not yet been spoken,
nor the hst gun fired, in the struggle
for Asiatio supremacy. The Jap i
the Frenchman of Asia; tbeChinamau
is the German. Germauy knew the
bitterness of Jena, aud saw Napoleon
enter Berlin. But the also knew how
to wait, and Sedau followed oa Ber
lin. History has always repeated
itself. If Chiu really awakes, kh(
ill bo heard of in an irrevowiive tiy
THE OLD CHURH BELL,
up o'er tho bonds of tho pooplo
That pnm llko vague whips on tho street,
It hangs In lis home In tho steeple,
That throbs with tho wind's rhythmlu bent;
What hood It the world or Its noises?
What rooks It of trafllo's loud din?
Of tours, or tho clamor of voices
Tlmtsponk of tho light hoarts withfnr
Enough that Its duty Is ringing
In evory condition of wonther,
Enough thnt Its mission Is bringing
The spiritual household together)
Enough thnt It strikes for the hours
Thut spood in a no'er-eadlng chain,
And chimes over nuptial flowers,
And tolls for tho funeral train.
Enough thnt It speaks to the mothers
In clear, unmistakable tone,
And fathers aud sisters and brothers,
From all tho earth's populous sonos;
Enough that It brings to the altar
The ones who have strayed from the truth,
As well as the weak ones who falter
'Mid trials unknown la tbolr youth.
Bo there, while the pale stars are marching,
And rivers roll ou to the sea,
And heaven's blue vault is o'er-arohing,
The bell In Its belfry will be;
tud then, when Its mission Is endod;
Aud turned Is the last burial sod,
Its echoes full-toned will ho blendod
With trumpets thnt call us to Ood.
-Alfred E. llostolley, In New York Obsorvor.
AN ANNIVERSARY.
DAIR SELKIRK
ar.d I were quietly
married in the dear
little church of our
Dative Tillage, and
as Adair had nl-
. ready scenred em
ployment in a dis
tant town of some
importance, we left
f shortly after the
ceremony for our
future borne.
We secured board
in a private
family, and lived in this way until the
birth of our baby boy, who camo to
gladden our hearts ten months before
the oponing of my story.
Soon after this important event
we rented a eosey little oottage in the
suburbs of town, and after securing
the servioe of my old bjack "Mammio,"
settled down in an humble establish
ment of our own.
We had lived thus about six months,
wheu the third anniversary of our
mariage rolled around. We decidod
to celebrate the occasion by inviting
Adair's best friend, Usour Davenport,
and his wife (who had been a sctiool
inato of my own), together with our
minister and his wife, to a 5 o'clock
dinner ; after which wo antipipated a
delightful evening together,
a Old Mammie aud I were in a flutter
of exoitement over the prospects of
giving our first entertainmont, aud we
spared so pains in arranging to have
everything served in our best possiblo
style. In order that this might be
done I engaged the services of a waiter
from one of tho hotels, and he was o
present himself at the cottage at noon.
The morning of the third dawned
cloudy aud cold. A thick mist filled
the air and th-j clouds threatened a
heavy rain before noon. As I kissed
Adair goodby at 8 I had many fore
bodings of a sad termination to my
anticipated day's pleasure.
Just as tho clock struck 12 the door
boll rang, and aa Mammie left the ice
cream freezer to answer it she said,
with a High of relief: "Well, dat
waiter's ou time, and I'd pow'ful glad
ou it, 'ouzo turuin' dis hero crank ain't
no easy job, -1 tell you. He sho is
welcome. "
In a f iw minntes she returnod, fol
lowed by the boy James, and handed
me a note which had just been reft by
n servant from the rectory. On open
ing it I read as follows :
"Dear Fhiend Mr. Clarke was
taken sick suddenly in the night.
Early this morning I called in our
physician, who prououuoed his ease
to be more serious than we at first
supposed. He will require careful
nursing for several days, so it will be
impossible for us to be with you to
night. We send our best wishes for a
pleasant eveuiug aud for mauy happy
returns of this day. Your friend,
"Annib Clarke."
Just then the rain came down in a
steady patter, and with a sigh whioh
gavo expression to my disappoint
ment, I went over to the window and
Btood gazing out into the gloomy
street.
"Come, now, Miss Cressiu, hauey,
don't be a 'dulgiu' in no sioh sor'ful
thoughts. Jist turn you? mine back
fer three years, and thiuk uv how
happy you was dat night as you went
rr ridiu' up to de ohu'oh do. Mars
'Daro'll be here presently, aud ef'u do
oompauy don't oome be aud de baby'll
be here, and we'll 'joy our own selves
jist as much as ef'tl doy all hod been
here."
1 bow much wisdom in Maminie's
remarks, and immedlatuly resolved
that I would not allow the disappoint
niout to oust a shadow over the third
anniversary of my wedding day, aud
began a romp with baby, who eat tied
in his high ohair by the table amusing
himself with the big kitchen spoon.
Thus some time passed pleasantly
away, when James aunonnoedthat the
table was ready for my inspection.
The afternoon was now far ad
vanced, and after changing my dress
I seated myself in the little parlor,
with baby asleep in my arms, anx
iously awaiting 'my husband's return,
as I knew he would make every effort
to get ofl from, the office at an earlier
hour than usual. Presently the wel
come aouud of his footsteps greeted
my ears, and soon he Btood beside me.
"Isn't it too bad," I said asl tuoked
baby away on the sofa, "that we
should have such a miserable eveuiug
lor our first effort st fcospiUUtv f
n rrxrrrm V
"It is, indeed, my little wife, but it
is just as well so a greater disap
pointment is yet in store for you. I
havo received instructions from Mr.
Bonodict to meet his partner in the
city to-night on important business for
the firm. In order to catch the train
I must leave you in half an hour. Dav
enport is to aooompnny me ; therefore
you need not expect him or his wife."
I felt on the verge of a flood of
tears, and my faco must have given
expression to my feelings, for my hus
band drew me close within his arms
and said: "Don't give way to those
feelings, but listen to me. I have
some good news to tell you. The
property I owned in Marville has at
lust found a purchaser, and as real es
tate hns gone up there I received for
it $3000 in oash. Tho money came to
mo by express this evening, and as I
bad no time tc go back to the bank, I
must trust it to your care for the
night."
So Baying, ho placed the package in
my hands.
"I Ehall be in the city only a few
hours," ho contiuuod,"and will return
by the night express, bo you may look
for mo about 2 o'clock in the morning.
Don't make up your mind to be mis
erable while I'm gone, but retire early
and sleep well, aud dream pleasant
dreams about how you will spend some
of the money you have there."
He was soon gone, and I watohed him
until he was out of sight ; then turn
ing from the window, I threw myself
into a large armchair before the fire,
and did just what Adair had told me
not to do burst into a flood of tears.
After indulging myself in this fem
inine weakness for about twenty min
utes I felt equal to the task of break
ing the news of great disappointment
to Mammie. When I had told her of
Adair's return and depsrture,her phil
osophical turn of mind caused her to
remark : "Well, honey, man he 'poses,
and God He desposes! Sbo'ly doy
ain't no telliu' what a day '11 bring
forth I Here we is done been er work
in' all day fer what? Jist to teach
you a lesson in pachunce I and dat yon
musn't set yer heart on nufUn' in dis
life 1 Well 1 et'n we wants to git these
things put away 'fore dark, we'd bet
ter git about it. Jemes you kin jist
fold up de table linen, and put up de
silver, and I'll teud to puttin' up de
vittles."
It took us but a short time to undo
the work which had occupied us .all
three since noon and after having
paid James and dismissed him, I re
turned to the parlor where baby still
lay sleeping.
As the. rain was still falling in tor
rents, I resolved to remain down stairs
until Mammie had finishod her night's
work and would be able to aocompany
mo up ttaira. I have never been a
timid woman ; but that night, as I sat
alone listening to the wind whistle
about the house corners and driving
the rain drops furiously against the
shutters, a feeling of great uneasiness
took possession of me a strange fore
boding of approaching evil.
In vain did I endeavor to shake it
oil'. Wheu Mammie came in we made
a tour of inspection to seo that the
house was securely fastened, and then
wo ascended the stairs to my own
arpartments. Thanks to Mammie, a
bright ilro was burning in the grate,
and wheu the lamps were lighted baby
opened wide his eyes and announced
his intention of keeping awuke. At
any other time I should have been im
patient at his obstinate wakefulness,
bu to-night I gave him all the en
oonragement he needed. While baby
and I engaged in a great romp, Mam
mie nodded to us from her Beat iu the
corner. It was twelve o'clock and
still baby seemed' not to grow tired.
In leaning forward to place him on
the carpet before me, I distinctly
heard a noise iu tho direction of the
bed. Turning my eyes that way I es
pied a foot protrudiug from under the
mosquito bur that fell in folds to the
floor,
My breath almost left mo. I felt
myself grow weak aud faint, but som
mouing all the courage in my nature
I went ou playiug with baby. I
thought of the $3000 which my hus
band had given mo, aud I felt sure
that if any ouo had overheard our
conversation at the time he gave the
money, that persou also kuew thut
Aduir expected to reach home at 2.
It was theu nearly 12, aud the robber
would soon grow impatient with wait
ing, come out from his place of con
cealment aud demand of me the money,
nud, perhaps, murder us all. Some
thing must be done, and done quiok
ly. After turning over iu my miud
many plans of escape from our hidden
enemy, 1 decided upon this scheme :
"Mammie," I said, "I hour a noise
downstairs at the kitheu window. I
believe some one is trying to break
iuto tho house. Wuko up get tho
candle, aud we'll frightem them off.
Hero is Adair's pistol ; you take baby
aud give me the caudle. I am not
afraid. Now follow mo but wait I I
have $'3000 about me thut Aduir loft
in my keeping, aud I must conceal it
in this room for fear of aooident. I'll
just put it ou the shelf iu the closet
here until we return."
So suyiug I opened the closet door
and pretended to hide away the pack
age. Coming out, I olosed the door
tightly, aud, followed by Mummie,
went nut iuto the hall, closing my
bedroom door behind me. I then
hurriodly whispered to Mammie what
I bud seen, aud bade her take the cau
dle aud go on down stairs with bihv,
who still kept up his chatter. I took
a stand at the door and listened uutit
1 heard the closet door hastily open ;
stealthily I turned the bolt ol the
chamber dooi, rushed toward the
olosct, slammed and looked tho do r,
ut the same time culling toMayiinie to
returu. r
As the closet had been fit tod up for
the reception of our silver, given to
us as wedding presents, I knew the
lock was strong ; aud as the burglar
had b??ij surprise hy li t "Wilt U'W
no tools that would enable him to ef
fect his escape. Therefore 1 nrmod
myself with Adair's pistol, and Mam
mie and baby and I kept watch over
my prisoner until we wore relieved at
2 o'clock by the arrival of my hus
band. Going out into the street, he sum
moned a policeman. The burglar was
brought out handcuffed and oarried
away.
I was not bt rprised to reooguize the
waiter James. New Orleans Times
Democrat. llronjrjit to Light.
At a general election in Euglnud, a
candidate personally unknown to the
voters of a certain borough was asked
by parly loaders to stand for it. He
belongod to a good family, and was a
barrister of promise iu London. His
path to suooess was opon, as tho
borough belonged to his party. But
when he mounted the platform to
address the electors, after a sentence
or two he snddedly became pale and
confused, his eyes fixed on a board op
posite on which was Bcrawled with
charooal, "Forty pounds I" He
stumbled through a short speech, and
then hurriedly left the stand.
A few days later he rose to speak in
another town, and again the myster
ious words written in black on the
wall confronted him. Again he left
the platform, and that night retired
from the contest for the seat in Parlia
ment. Not long afterward he disap
peared from public life, and retired to
an Euglish colony where he hid him
self on a ranch. The words, it was
found, referred to a theft committed
in his youth, whioh he supposed had
been forgotten.
Alexis Piron, the French poet and
satirist, sought for many years to ob
tain a neat among the Forty Immortals
in the French Academy. He was rec
ognized among the poets of his day,
and was confident of his ultimate ad
mission, when a vile ode, written wheu
he was a boy, was brought to light,
and ho knew that the door of tho
Academy was closed in his face for
ever. In both of the great political parties
of this country there have been iu
stanoes of men eminent in mental Mobil
ity, who have failed to'recoive the high
political honor?, because of tho
shadow of some fault or folly of their
earlier days.
Behind all the happiness of life, be
hind even God's love, there is such a
thing as law. "Who breaks it always
pays the penalty." God may forgive
him, but the linos on his face, the
taint in his soul, remain to tell of the
vice of his early dayi. Youth's Com
panion. Metal Workers of Asia.
Among the half civilizod peoples of
Central Asia are many artistic workers
in metals. One of these Natious or
tribes, the Burates, is famous for in
laid work. The Russians cull these
workmen "Bratskaya Robata." Thoy
use gold, tin and silver for iulaid work
on iron. The art has boon practiced
by them for thousands of years, aud
their skill has been recorded in tho
ancient folk songs of Asia. A writer
describing their work say they ham
mer the silver, gold or tiu very thin.
Then the part of the object to be iu
laid is made rough with a hammer,
the surface of which is rougheued like
a file. Templets of birch bark serve
to cut the metal into the proper Bhupj,
which is laid upon tho heated object
and lightly hammered into tlri rough
surface, then heated to a bluo color,
and tho inlaid metal is hammered
smooth with a polished hammer.
SoieutiUo Americuu.
Write I'hecrliil Letter.
The populur woruau docs not write
doleful letters; she waits till sho is iu
a better .'rame of mind before begin
ning them, for she realizoj. tliat there
are burdens enough in lilo, without
adding to them by inflicting pesimis
tio epistles ou her friends.
If she writes a letter of condolence
it soems to come from the heart, for it
it does not sound that way she will
not let its coldness further grieve u
bereaved one ; and if she sends con
gratulations to a bride or a mother
she makes a point of reoolluotiu,? or
looking up some rousing good wiaho.i
thut have the ring of genuine inter
est. Oue womuu drops a fragrant Howcr
in a letter, not to a gushiug school
girl, but to an old ludy or a tired
mother of au exaotiug family, and by
this bit of sentiment not sentimen
tality keeps her memory groeuiu tho
hearts of her friends. New York
Herald.
The Puisoii ol the Uriiithoi'liyuchus.
The hind feet of the ornithorhyuoh
us, "the mole with webbod feet aud
the bill of a duck" that puzzed zoo
logists so much for a loug time, ui j
provided with a solid spur oounected
with a glund. Have we here r. poison
gluud? From some apparently trust
worthy accounts that have reached him,
Mr. Stowart thinks wo have. This
glaud is ut luist venomous at a oertaiu
season. A dog wa wouuded by one
of these i.purs throo times, uu 1 tbu
symptoms the first tima were those of
puiu aud somuolenoe, but there were
no convulsion", titubutions or tremb
ling. Upon the two othor occasions,
the Bymptoms were less prououuoed,
aud even null, thus indicating habitu
ation. The poison has provod mortal
to the dog in four cases, but in mau
the symptoms disappear without caus
ing deatu. Scientific American,
A Primitive toulesiionu!.
It was a custom of the Crow Indiuus
thut the members of a war party wheu
takiug the trail hbould confess their
immoralities to each o her. The most
solemn oaths of xecrecy were taken,
and women wrro never admitted to
the irci'i-t nuieiii?, til l; cat-ibiishe 1,
X9r YuA Worl l,
BCIENTIFIC AM) IXDISTIHAL.
In civilized countries tho avcraga
age at which women marry is twenty
three and one-half years.
What is left of pototo pulp after tho
starch is extracted is used, among
other things, in 'the manufacture of
boxes.
M. Tassinari, a Paiisian scientist,
finds the smoke of tobacco to be one of
the most perfect germicides and disin
fectants ever used.
It has been found, on investigation,
that the cucumber has a temperature
of one degree below that of tho sur
rounding atmosphere
Trunk wires to connect London by
telephone with Edinburgh, GlaBgow,
and Dublin have just been erectod by
the British postoH'ioo.
A small electrio lamp is being used
instead of a bell in somo of the tele
phone exchanges in England. The call
for connection lights the lamp.
Diamond dust was supposed to be
poisonous by tho early chemists, but
it has been settled that thore is no
poisonous matter in the diamond.
Two cases have recently been re
ported of interference with electrio
signals on a steam railway by the
ground current from an electrio trol
ley line.
One of the most striking of the ex
periments in a recent lecture before
the Royal Institute of Great Britain
showed frozen soap bubbles floating
on liquid air.
Schiffen & Kircher, of Grunstadt,
Bavaria, have discovered a new min
eral compound which is plastio in
water, but become .extremely hard
when dry. They oall it apyrite.
Tho concrete footing of St. John's
Cathedral, Now York City, is made of
-one part cement, two parts Baud and
three parts round, smooth pebbles. It
is made and mixed by machinery.
Tho Borwind-White Coal Com
pany, of Osoeola Mills, Penn., have
a new mine turning out 11,000
tons a month, in which no mule was
ever employed. Eleotricity does the
hauling.
An electrio fire alarm now being in
troduced in Switzerland acts automat
ically through the expansion of a
metallio rod under heat. This makes
an electrio connection, and it ia said
that the alarm is so sensitive that it is
put in operation by holding a lighted
match near it.
Bodies do not rise in Lake Geneva,
Switzerland, in loss than seventeen
days, and frequently not at all. Thero
is said to be au underground connec
tion botween Lako Geneva and tho
chain of great lakes, and some people
have a theory that bodies are ofteu
carried into the larger lakes and nover
rooovered.
Attacked by Whales.
Captain Mitchell, of tho steamer tug
Thomas J. Smith, whioh arrived hero
from sea, having in tow tho boue-ludeu
Italian bark, from Bueuos Ayres,
whioh she picked up to tho southward
of Fenwick Island, reports having
been attacked by a tremendous school
of whales while cruising forty miles
southeast of Capo Henlopeu. The
whales surrouudod the tug for a period
of four hours, blowiug large streams
of water into the air, whioh com
pletely shut out all view of tho Hiir
roundiugs. Captain Mitchell Kays
that iu thirty years' service at
sea on tugs he never before saw BUeh
large whalos, nor wero they ever
kuowu to cougrcgato in such numbers
so closo to tho laud. It was a serious
time on board tho frail tug, aud all
hands were badly scared, as these
monsters seemed infuriated aud dashed
along tho sides of the boat with great
force. Captain Mitchell ran tho en
gines full speed aud attempted to get
cluar of the school, but the hugo
marine animals followed the tug, al
most swamping her with thu immense
volumes of water they threw ou board.
Finding that uny attempt, to get away
from them was futile, Captain Mitchell
loaded up a largo iiorse-pistol ho hal
on board and began tiriug iuto them,
but the bullets took no effect. Ouo
monster he put six shots iuto, but it
only infuriated thu uuiiual still more.
It was about 3 o'clock iu the afternoon
when the leader of tho school hen led
off shore, aud soou tho whole number
followod and disappeared. -Philadelphia
Press.
Droto uinjr Hoy Saved by a 1 ;:.
A lurge Newfoundland dog saved u
boy's lifo at Baltimore yesterday. Tlio
boy is Howard Couuuubuugh, eight
years old, and tho dog, formerly u
tramp, is now cared for by Edward
Lynch. The boy and the dg wero
romping on the dock iu the moruiug,
when the boy uooideutly fell over
board. There is twenty feet of water
in the dock. The big Newfoundland
saw the boy full, and just as he caino
to tho surface sprang iuto the dojk
aud swam to the fast-siukiug boy.
The boy clutched the wooly hair ou
the dog's neck, which kept him alloat,
aud then tho dog sturted to swim with
his burden to the other sidj of tho
dock. A mun rushed to tho rescue,
aud whou the dog reached tbo place,
jumped iuto a rowboat aud uiuua je l
to pull both the dog aud the boy out
of the water. The dog became a hero
in the eyes of the people who ha 1
been attracted to the scene, aud he
was given a first-class dinuer for his
heroism. Baltimore .'.moriuau.
A Theory About Musical l'rciligie-.
It is believed by some who bavj ex
amined the historic of so-called musi
cal prodigies that they are developed
by making wheu children thu discov
ery that the tips of their ttugors will
produoe on a piano the same time uu I
tone they muke with tho tips of their
tongues in their uioutus, N York
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT A HE TOLD BT THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRE33.
Dressed That Way Discouraging
Nervous Letting tho Cat Out of
the Hag Not a Jilt, Ktc, Ktc.
I wish 1 were a ninn." olio sighol.
He (juiekly raised hi head.
And looked at her In wild surprise;
"1 thought you wore," he said.
Urouklyu Lifo,
DlSCOURAOINO.
Clara "He is so obstinate."
Maude "In what way?''
Clara "It's the hardest thing iu
the world to convinco him that I nin
always right." Puck.
NEnvors.
Uncle Treetop "We must put in a
day on tho river ; the fish aro biting
now."
Jess (a -niece from tho city) "Is
their bito poisonous?" Life.
LETTING THE CAT OIT OP TUB BAd.
Principal (to new apprentice)
"Has the bookkeeper told yon what
you have to do in the afternoou?"
Youth "Yes, sir. lwastowakcu
him when I saw you coming." Da
heim. .,
THAT SERVANT OlRL.
"No!"
She spoke in accents of scorn.
"I can not be yours."
He turned away despondently and
sought another employment bureau.
Truth.
NOT A JILT.
"Have you broken your engage
ment with Fred?"
"Yep."
"When did that happen?
"Oh I When I married him.'' New
York Ledger.
AN UNSTEADY LIGHT.
"I'm very glad I don't live in
Rome," remarked Mrs. Bickers.
"Why?" asked her husband.
"I'm suro I never could learn to
read by the light of Roman candles."
Detroit Free Press.
HELI3VED OP A BAD HABIT.
First Sportsman "Does your setter
chase rabbits?"
Second Sportsman "Not now.'
"How did yon euro him?"
"I've peppered him bo full of bird
abotthat ho couldn't run if ho triod."
Chicago Reoord.
A CHANCE IN THE CRY.
Wayside Ways "Say, Ragors, don't
dese calamity howlers make yer
tired?"
Restful Rogers "Naw; dey ain't
half as bad as der business revival
shunters wot's inquisertivo 'cnuso yer
ain't at work." Puck.
HOW BE BROKE THE ICE.
Gus "How did you happen to ask
hor to marry you tho first time you
ever mot her?"
Chollie "Well ah you soo I had
just been iutroduoed to her, and I
ah couldn't think of anything else to
say." Harper's Bazar.
, ANTICIPATION.
Now Customer - "Is that your dog?"
Barber -"Yes, sir."
Now Customer "Ho seems very
foud of watching you out hair."
Baiber "It is not thut, sir. Some
times I raako n mistake and take a
leotlu piece off a gentleman's cur !"-
Tit-Bits.
THE KVENINU l'HAVEll.
Little Pet (ou her knees, before re
tiring) "Mamma," may I pray for
rain? '
Mamma "Y-e-s, if you want to,
but why?"
Little Pet "Susie Stuckupp didn't
invite me to her picnic." New York
Weekly.
VXMKHCIKl'L.
Miss Mature "Do you know, peo
ple are always makiug tho uioit absurd
mistakes about my age. Why, somo
men guess mu to bo no older thau
somo of tho chits of silly girls one
meets."
Miss Smart "Ah I that's wheu you
talk. "-Judge.
THE 1NEVITAUI.K CONCLUSION.
Freddy "Mummn, our priuoipal
says that his school duys wero the
huppiest days of his life. Do you be
lieve th it?"
Mamma "Certaiuly. Ho wouldn't
say so if it wero not true."
Freddy "Well, I suppose he played
hookey and didn't get caught." Life.
LIKE THEY DO AT A CIRCUS.
The performance of thu comic opera,
whioh was beiug rendered by the tul
eutjd amateurs of Hawville, Okla
homa, hud beeu guiug on for a consid
erable time without hitch or interrup
tion, when suddenly Alkuli Ike, the
affianced husband of Miss Lillie Cu
suoli, tho prima douuaof the occasion,
rose up iu the midst of tho cultured
and refiued audience, with a loud
snort of wrath.
"Yere, now, Iko!" remonstrated
Colonel llaudy Polk, who was officiat
ing as stage mauuger aud also acting
as tho heavy villain of the opera.
"What iu thunder is the mutter with
you? If you don't like the perform
ance and huiu't got tho mauuers to
keep still, git out 1"
"I came yere to-night," answered
Isaac, hoarsely, "with the firm de
termination to behave like a meek and
humble rabbit, but, by hung, the next
geutleman that dings a peanut into
Miss Cusack's mouth will thiuk that
I'm a wolf and this is my night to
lowl ("-Truth.
8o, lightly touch her dreaming head,
Nor sunder eyelids sealed asloep.
But fleck with fire the shining sweep
Of hair about her pillow shed,
Ho, lightly come and go.
And lose yourself and find yourself
In tawny tangles of her hair;
Coutont you with the golden snare,
Nor venture llkea saucy olf,
To stray below her ehln.
On carvon tcmplee lightly lio,
Nor vex the ami or cyo that's hid
Neath either violet-veiled lid,
Ah! Swoon across her check and die
Upon her fervent mouth.
For, having sipped the honey thero,
You may not live another hour,
To wanton with another flower
Nor burning rose nor lily rare,
But perish in tho kiss.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
"Isn't Smith a poet?" "No ; oan't
borrow a quarter to have his hair out
that's all!" Atlanta Constitution.
Kitty "Why do they call it 'Ocean
Bluff House?'" Tom "Because it
makes a bluff at being on the ocean."
Puok.
Jack "To feather your nest you
must have money." Tom "Yes, there
is nothing bo delightful as cash down. "
Truth.
Now the druggist's face Is beaming, as tho
nickels to him pass,
And he thlnk's there's fun In selling froth
at half-u-diiue a glass.
Boston ourier.
"I'm going to marrv a sensible wo
man." "Impossible"." "Why?"
"They are tho ones who won't marry
you." Truth.
' 'I hate these bicycles built for t wo, " .
said Miss Jemmison. "It enoourages
people to talk behind your back."
Harper's Bazar.
Little Girl "What is tact, papa?"
Papa "yomethin every woman has
and exercises until she gets married."
New York Weekly. ,
"Oh, I don't mind it so much, "said
the sporty ex-banker, cheerfully, after
tho failure ; "we had a run for our
money, anyhow 1" Puok.
First Physioiau "Is this a case that
demands a consultation?" Second
Physician "I think it is. Tho
patient is extremely rich." -Truth.
Tommy "Paw, what is the board
of education?" Mr. Figg 'In tho
days when I went to school it was a
pine shingle." Indianapolis Journal.
"Ho has money to burn," Is a phrase played
out,
Iu this season beforo dog days aro felt;
Aud uow, to ease a lluauniul doubt,
We aro prone to say, "He has lee to molt."
Detroit Free Press.
Ho "Is this tho first time you've
ever been iu love, darling?" She
(thoughtlessly) "Yes ; but it's so nioo
that I hope it won't be tho lust I"
Tit-Bits.
"Guy, do be quiot," said mamma;
"you are so uoisy." "I'm obliged to
muko a noise, mamma ; somebody
might take mo for a girl." Phila
delphia Times. .
Jasper "As men grow older they
grow meaner." Jumpuppe "Natur
ally. The older they grow the more
they leuru how meau the rest of the
world is." Truth.
Clara Wiuterbloom "There is only
euough to about half fill this trunk.
Whot shall I do; fill it with papers?"
Mrs. Wiuterbloom "No; lot your
father puck it. "Brooklyn Lifo.
Cuwker "Barlow made a rash pre
diction just now." Curnso "What
did he guy?" Cuwker "Ho said that
tho time would como whou it would
bo respectable to bo houost." Judge.
"I huve heard worse playing than that,"
said he,
As U ceased, with a cheerful air;
Aud the nudieuce rfearily rose to go,
A'ilslly murmured "Where?"
-Life.
"Who is the master of this house?"
asked tho agent of the man who an
swered his ring. "Well," was the
curious response, iu a resigned tone,
"I am tho husband and father."
Iiifo.
First Little Girl "Aud isn't your
cut afraid of mice?" Second Littlo
Girl "Oh, no, not a single bit,"
First Littlo Girl "That's queer. And
ahe's a ludy cat, too, isn't sho?"
Konierville Journal.
Van Pelt "Isn't $1 a day rather
high for u hotel iu tho mountains?"
Landlord "But, my dour sir, you
should thiuk of thu scenery." Van
Pelt "How much do you charge for
thut?" New York World.
Kitly "I uuderstuud Mr. Solteigh
fell off tho dock and it was fifteen min
utes before ho was fished out." Jane
"How did ho keep his bead above
water so loug?" Kitty "It was tho
lightest part, I preiumo. " Detroit
Free Press.
Chose uu Aiuudiisr Text.
Au Euglish clergymuu who was su l
douly -called ou to preach to a con
gregation of college studouts was un
able to speak without uotos, aud had
only ouo writteu sermon with him,
which was ou the duties of thu mar
ried state. The topic was hardly oue
that ho would havo choseu for the oc
casion, bu- he hoped that it would
pass muster as beiug appropriate by
anticipation. But unfortunately ho
did not rea 1 the sermon over, and so
before ho kuew it he hud uttered this
appeal: "Aud now, a word to you
who aro mothers." New York World.
A r'auioiM lielure lf:irue'.
During the Are at Mar Lodge, iiouio
of the Duke of Fife, desperate but
vain efforts were made to save Lau 1
seer's famous picture of "1'ho IStag
Hunt," which he paiuted ou the wall
of tho diuiug room duriug oue of his
visits. A number of uieu attempted t
cut out the wall bodily, but the iKuies
burst into the room and compelled
theiu tJ retreat. New Wrk Post.