THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
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J. E. WENK.
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RATES OF ADVEWTISIWq.
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On. Square, M Inch, three months. .. 1 W
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9url CIdoi, .m ;eu MM
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Ob. Column, on. yaar IMM
Lata! tdT.rtlMBi.nti tea cost yr Um Back m
sartloa. Marrlafei tad death BOttees (rati.
all hill, for yearly aitoertlernrata eollBetea na
teriy. Temporary adT.rUMm.nla muat a. paid 14
adfaaea.
Job work caah .a daurery.
EPUBLICAN
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thn tare months.
Oorrpondne tolleltaa fram all BrU a tha
eonntry. N, aailoe will k takes. eTuiMjmoui
VOL. XXIV. NO. 7.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10, 1891.
S1.50 PER ANNUM.
ID1
EST
Iowa boasts that its percentage of Il
literacy is the lowest la the Union.
The London Laneet wants nil doctors
to wear a distinguishing style of hat.
This has already been adopted in Berlin,
hut hats have been put on doctors' coach
men instead.
It Is a mistake, asserts the Chicago
Herald, to suppose that polar research
has coat enormously in human life. De
spite all the great disasters ninety-se'ven
out of every 100 explorers have returned
alive.
Count Von Moltke understood the vir
tues of silence. At no time during his
ninety yean was he much given to speak,
ing, although ho was an accomplished
linguist. Indeed, it was said of htm that
ho knew how to hold his tonguo in ten
languages.
Nut farming is a now industry in North
Carolina. Small manufactures are prose
cuted with vigor in many parts of tho
South, and several now plantation and
forest industries are steadily developing
that region. "These," comments the
Washington Star, "are among the signs
of hope on the American horizon."
The Mail and Erpresi thinks that ono
of the most unique railroad stations in
the country cau be seen on the Green
wood Lake Road at Soho. The platform
is laid around the baso of a giant elm
tree, while the roof is in the form of a
huge wooden umbrella around tho tree,
the whole structure resembling an im
mense summer house. We doubt if a
more picturesque station cau be found in
the world.
At least one person in threo between
the ages of ten and forty years is subject
to partial deafness. The great majority
of cases of deafness are hereditary and
due to the too close consanguinity of the
parents. Deafness is more prevalent
among men than among women, because
the former are more exposed to the vicis
situdes of climate. It is thought that
telephones tend to bring on deafness
when one ear is used to the exclusion of
tho other.
An interesting incident in connection
with Presdeut Harrison's visit to Atlanta
was his meeting with Mr. Oeorge Cook,
a courtly, eldorly gentleman, and a well
known piano manufacturer of Boston.
Tho grandfather of Mr. Cook was the
Captain Cook who saved the life of Gen
eral William Honry Ilarrison from the
Iudians at the battlo of Tippecanoe. Mr.
Cook and Mrs. Cook had been spending
a few days with Governor Bullock, and
on invitation of Mayor Hemphill went up
tho road to meet tho President. Tho
meeting of the two grnyhaired grandsons
was very cordial, and they enjoyed a
pleasant chat during the rido into tho
city.
Joe Shakespeare, the Mayor of New
Orleans, was asked whether he knew
how he came by his surname. "Ob,"
said he, "you think, perhaps, I claim
descent from the Bird of Avon. Well,
I'm an Amorican, and you know what
Americans are after. I never heard that
the Bard of Avon left anything but a
name, so I took no interest in his family.
If hu had left money it would be differ,
cnt." As a matter of fact Shakespeare
did leave an estate that was reckoned
good in its time. . Tho now Shakespeare
of New Orleans is a native of the neigh
borhood of Baltimore, where his ances
tors were fanners. Ho is a rich iron
founder.
- - i
George W. Childs, of Philadelphia,
has consented to exhibit his fine art aud
souvenir collection at tho Chicago Fuir.
Among his treasures are the little green
harp which belonged to Tom Moore, and
which he carried into hundreds of Irish
homes; the massive silver va?e presented
to Ileury Clay, when he was at the height
of his popularity, by the Whig ladies of
Tennessee; Washington's champagne
glass; cups, saucers and glasses which
came from Louis Napoleon, the late
Emperor William, the late Emperor
Maximilian and the ex-Emperor of
Brazil, a miniature ship, formerly the
property of President Andrew Jackson,
and the silver waiter presented to Gen
eral Jackson after his victory by the citi
zens of New Orleans.
It really looks now, asserts the New
York Sun, as though the action of the
Italian Government toward this country
had so frightened King Humbert's sub
jects as to make tens of thousands of
them hasten to fly from Italy and seek
refuge hen. They are couiiug over as
fast as they cau And ships to carry them,
and, according to recent despatches, the'
Mediterranean ports are swarming with
Italians anxious to secure bunks in the
steerage of the steamships bound for
America. There U reason for enter
taining the apprehension that, if King
Humbert were to threaten to make war
upon the United States, we could not And
room here for the hosts of his subjects
who would bo seized with the desire to
fly from his kiugdom.
ILLUSIONS.
Go stand at night upon an ocean craft
And watch the (olds of ita Imperial train
Catching In fleecy foam a thousand glows
A miracle of fire unquenched by sea.
There, in bewildering turbulence of change.
Whirls the whole flrmanent, till as you gaze,
All else unaeen, It is as heaven itself
Had lost its polae, an each unanchored star
In phantom haste flees to the horixon line.
What dupee we are of the deceiving eye)
How many a light men wonderingly acclaim
la but the phosphor of the path Life makes
With ita own motion, while above, forgot,
Bweep on serene the old unenvioua stars!
Robert Underwood Johnson, in Century.
UNCLE FLAXLEY'S HOBBY.
BY HELEN FORHKST OKAVK8.
The white,' vertical light of a Feb
ruary day shone down through the sky
light of Julian Dover's studio, its pitiless
brightness bringing out every layer of
dust on tho Venetian red draperies, every
spot and slain on tho much beuicked
walls.
The lay figure was doubled up in a
most impossible attitude against a big
chair, covered with cotton velvet and
cheap gilt fringe; a bunch of faded roses,
in an old "crackle" vast, hung limply
down, and Mr. Dover, in a shabby
plum-colored velvet co."t, and a Turkish
fez perched jauntily on one side of his
handsome head, was painting desperately
away, intent on economizing every sec
ond of the precious winter daylight.
"Oh, tho deuce I" ho exclaimed, ab
ruptly. "What mndo you jump so,
Clarief A man don't want tho current
of his ideas disturbed just when "
The model lifted her large, wiue
brown eyes to his face, with a depreca
tory smile.
"I hear Kitty Flaxlcy outside," said
she.
"Outside she must stay, thonl" re
marked Mr. Dover, frowning at his pal
ette. "I can't bo interrupted; every
minute is a lump of golf. Wait!" ho
roared, as a gentle rapping sounded on
the door. VClarie is posing for me I"
And then one perceived a Blight,
graceful figure in a coarse lilac cotton
gown, and a striped handkerchief care
lessly twisted around her rich, brown
locks, leaning in an artistic nttitudo
against a window-sosh studded with
many small panes, that was supported be
tween two standards.
Her fingers were intertwined in her
hnir; her elbows rested on the sill, where
a coarse flcwer-pot or two were ranged.
She was not Mrs. Julian Dover for the
time being; she was "Tho Fisherman's
Wife," destined b good luck and the
grace of the hanging committee to figure
iu the forthcoming spring exhibition.
"Oh, Julian, I am so tired 1" she
pleaded. "Every bone in me is cramped.
Mayn't I rest?"
"You've no idea of true art," said
Julian, slowly. "You haven't posed
half an hour yet."
"I'm so sorry; but "
"Jump, then I" said the painter for
the first time realizing how pale and
woru tho delicate, oval face was. "I
suppose I can be putting in tho distant
sea while you gossip with your Kitty."
He caught her hand us she skipped
past him, and kissed her a kiss which
was a rich reward for all the cramp and
weariness she had endured aud she ran
out to the hall, tugging as she went to
remove the knotted red silk neckerchief
which supplied au element of warm color
to the picture.
There stood her quondam schoolmate,
Kitty Fluxley, with cheery lips and spar
kling eyes.
"Oh, Claire, how odd you lookl" said
she.
"Yes," said Mrs. Dover, composedly.
"I'm 'Tne Fishermau'g Wife.' Every
bono in me is a separate pain, with sit
ting so long watching for my husband's
bout."
Both laughed; and then the artist's
wife led Miss Flaxley iuto the studio,
where Juliau nodded a pleasant saluta
tion to her. '
"You won't expect me to stop work
ing?" said he.
"Of course not!" said Kitty. "It's
work that I've come to talk about. Such
news as I've got ! Tho family fortunes
are alt made. Our Undo Flaxley came
home yesterday. Thut is, he isn't our
uncle he's ouly a sort of cousin; but
mamma naturally wants to make the re
lationship as near as possible; so we are
all instructed to call him 'uncle' "
"And wuo is Uncle Flaxley?"
"That's just it," said Kitty, laughing,
"no went to. the South Sea Islands,
thirty years ago, aud people took no no
tice at all of his exit except to say some
thing about 'good riddance to bud rub
bish.' He comes back, aud you would
think him a canonized saint. Nothing
is good enough for him."
"Oh!" euid Dover. "He's uuulo
money?"
"Eiactly," nodded Kitty. "But he's
the oddest old fish a little, dried-up,
parchment-faced man, who goes about
finding fault with everything aud every
body, and promulgating tliu most out
landish theories thut ever were heard of.
The first thiug he did was to upset all
our family traditions. You kuow, Claire,
how mamma has brought us up like the
lilies of the field, thut toil not, neither
do they spin) Now, we are each of us
to learn a trade. I'm going iuto dress
making!" 'Impossible!" cried tho artist's wife.
"Theodora is going to tackle art em
broidery. Constantino says she hasn't
decided yet between telegraphy and
typewriting. Oh, you may well look
amazed 1 It's all Uncle Flaxley. Ho
says he'll give us a thousand dollars
apiece when we've each learned a real,
bread-winning, practical trade. He says
it's what every womtlu ought to do.
Dora wants to get a thousand dollars to
get herself a stuuuing set of diamonds.
Con would like to go to Canada with the
Trelawueys next year, aud I don't loll
anyone, please, Claire nd Julian but
I shall give mine to Komhritndt Alison,
so that he can go to 1'uris and study iu
tLe Louvni."
"Good I" cried Juliau Dovtr. "fheu
it's really true that you are engaged!
Kitty, Kitty, an artist's wife is a first
clnss martyr 1"
"An artist's wife is the happiest crea
ture in the world, Kitty?" counter as
serted Claire, her soft eyes lighted up
with love. "A thousand dollarsl Oh,
I wish I could make a thousand dol
lars!" "I'm going down town every day to
learn the Graftenburgh system," said
Kitty. "I Bhall have to work three long,
endless months before they give mo a
diploma; but I shall have something to
work for, don't you sec? And now
good-byl I'm off for Graftenburgh'sl"
Uncle Elimoloch Flaxley walked
around the house of his cousin's widow,
with his hands hooked under his coat
tails, and his blue spectacles balanced on
tho bridge of his nose, peering into
everything, criticising everything, nnd
finding fault with everything.
Mrs. Petor Flaxlcy smiled at all his
commonts. In her eyes his conduct was
perfect.
"What!" Undo Flaxley had cried,
"three girls, and not ono of 'cm taught
to earn her living! That's no way to
bring up a family, sister Annabel. Every
woman should have a trade. Every
woman should be able to support herself
the same as if she wore a man.
This was Uncle Flnxley's hobby. He
trottod it out, he bridlod it and saddled
it and rode it perpetually, and tho upshot
of it was that the thousand dollar propo
sition was made and promptly accepted
by his three nieces.
"It's dreadful!" sighed Mrs. Flaxlcy;
"but of course it is our interest to con
sult your uncle's wishes in every re
spect." "I've always thought I should like to
learn dressmaking," said Kitty. One
could clothe one's self at half the ex
pense. And then a thousand dollars, all
of one's own think of it."
"I kuow ever so many nice girls who
do type-writing," said Constantia, a tall,
willowy girl, with yellow hair and pallid
skin. "If one must have a trade, I be
lieve there's nothing more genteel."
But Theodora, the beauty of the Flax
lcy family, turned up her nose.
"Such an absurd idea of Uncle Flax
ley's!" said she. "I'm a tolerably de
cent embroiderer already, and if the
woman's exchange accepts a piece of my
work, I suppose the old crank will rec
ognize it as a token of being an expert
iu that particular trade!"
And as she shut herself up with silks
and satins and several do.en ounces of
rainbow-colored filoselle and crewels, to
design a pattern which should take tho
world of tapestry by storm.
Kitty wrestled bravely with the tech
nicalities of the Graftenburgh system.
Constantino worked diligcnlly at the
clicking marvel of the nineteenth cen
tury. Theodora was tho first to look
back from the plow-handles.
"I hate it!" said she, pettishly. "I
can't make anything out of it! Such
wooden-looking things as my cat-tails
and storks are 1 I mean to go and seo
Philomel Alison about it."
Young Rembrandt Alison's studio was
far smaller and less picturesque than
that of his compeer, Julian Dover.
He slept on a sofa under the window
of nights, and his sister Philomel, who
kept house for him on the most econ
omical principles, occupied a three
cornered closet at the rear, which sho
called a bedroom, and which, besides
tho cot-bed, held exactly two bandboxes,
and a chair with a wash-bowl and pitcher
on it.
She was a skilled embroiderer, and
worked her finger-ends oil, whilo her
brother, rapt in visions of Titiau aud
Buonarotti, stood before his canvas.
"Children, you work too hard, both
of you," said a little, old, ycllow-com-plcxioned
man, who had once known
their father on the Mexican frontier,
and who came occasionally to the studio,
aud viewed them with not unkindly eyes.
"It's work or starve, ir," said Alison,
with short laugh.
"What do you ask for this picture?"
abruptly questioned Mr. Flaxley.
"Two huudred dollars when it is
finished."
"Tut, tut!" said the old man. "Too
mucal Two huudred dollars for a bit
of canvas eighteen inches square?"
"It's not a mere bit of canvas," said
Alison, coloring up; "it's my brains
my ideas the visions I seo nightly iu
my sleep."
"I'll give you fifty dollars for it,"
hazar Jed the yellow-complexioned man.
"I couldn't possibly sell it for that."
"Humph 1 humph!" snorted Fluxley.
"The next I know, Philly hero will be
wanting to sell her bit of browu-aud-ycllow
needlework for two hundred dol
lars, too?"
l'bijjjmel looked gravely up from her
work.
"No," she said. "I'm to receive fifty
dollars for it. It is au order."
"What is tho world coming to?" crieJ
Mr. Flaxley. "People must be aching
to spend their moucy. What is the
thing, anyhow ducks paddling iu a
poudl"
Philomel shook her head.
"Hersus," said she, "iu a marsh full
of reeds aud rushes. Those lines of yellow
silk see? ure where the sunshine
strikes the water.
Flaxley peered dubiously at tho mass
of bright colors.
"One has to exerciso considerable im
agination," said he.
"I wonder," suid Philomel to her
brother, after the fussy little visitor was
gone, "if I ought to have told him that
I was doing this work for his niece iu
Kadclitle street?"
" 'Speech is silver, silence is golden,' "
suid Rembrandt Alison, mechanically.
"It's uLways best not to talk. Do you
think, Phil, I've got tho red too deep
in this peasant's jacket I"
Mr. Flaxley, making his way home,
thought of the studio he hud just left,
with a softening of the heart.
"They are uicc children, '"he pondered.
"Their fatLer was a nice man. He took
me into his ranch mid cured me thut
time I had the pulley fever. I might
have died if it hudu't beeu for hiiu."
Time passed on ; the three months ex
pired. Constantia copied some letters
for her uncle on a typewriter with such
skill and rapidity that he wrote out his
check for a thousand dollars on the spot.
Kitty showed him her diploma from
Graftenburgh & Co., and proudly called
his attention to a trimly-fitting dress that
sho wore.
A second time Uncle Flaxley inscribed
his autograph on an oblong slip of pale
green paper, and then Theodora unrolled
a banner of dark-olive satin, glistening
with rich embroidery.
"It has just been sold at the woman's
exchange," said she, "for a hundred and
ten dollar;. Here's tho receipt."
Uncle Flaxlcy pricked up his feather
like ears; he stared very hard through
his spectacles.
"Your work?" said he.
"My work!" repeated Theodora, with
dignity.
"No, it isn't!" curtly contradicted Mr.
Flaxley, whose lorte was not conven
tional repose. "I've seen those ducks
and marsh-grasses before 1 I saw them
when Philomel Alison was working them.
Young woman, you have deceived me?"
Theodora turned scarlet. The sudden
ness of his contradiction had stricken her
guilty soul dumb.
"No thousand-dollar check for you,"
said Mr. Flaxlcy. "Go and say your
prayers and read over tho Ten Command
ments, where it says, 'Thou shalt not
steal!' For you are a thief I "
He bad scarcely overcome his wrath
against this backsiding relative when he
trotted around to Rembrandt Alison's
studio the next day.
"I can't get that young fellow's wist
ful face out of my mind," thought he.
"I guess I'll buy the eighteenth -inch
square of canvas after all."
Ho stood wiping his boots on the mat
in the studio vestibule, and plainly heurd
Kitty's voice saying:
"Do take it, Kembrandt! I've earned
it myselt. It's mine to give, and I've no
possible use for it. I thought of you all
the time, and I do so want you to go to
Paris and study in tho Lnuvre I"
Uncle Flaxley pushed the door open
with a bang and walked in, regardless
of etiquctto.
"Yes, take it, Alison," said he
"take it in the spirit that she glvtos it.
She's a trump, that girl is!"
Rembrandt Alison looked at Kitty's
scarlet face with grave, searching eyes.
"I will take it," said ho, "if Kitty
will give me herself, also. There can
be no crushing sense of obligation where
love bridges the way."
"I'll give her to you," said Undo
Flaxley, holding pushing Kitty lorward.
"Things aro happening just to suit me."
"Me also," suid Philomel, in a whis
per, her pale face lighted up with joy.
"Herel" said Uncle Flaxley; "what's
the price of this picture and this and
this? I'll buy 'cm all I Gracious me! il
you're really going to Paris, there's no
reason Kitty shouldn't go, too, on hci
wedding trip." .
Of all Uncle Flaxley's eccentricities,
this was the most delightful. Kitty
had a long story to tell Julian Dover and
Claire, in their studio across the hull,
that day.
"It will be such a glorious thing,"
cried Claire, still enacting "Tho Fisher
man's Wife," "for you to mnrrv an ar
tist!" But Mrs. Flaxley declared chat hei
rich relation had been "shamefully
partial" in the matter of the thousand
dollar proposition. It is so hard to suil
everybody ! Saturday flight.
A Wonderful Clock.
A marvelous piece of mcchauismhai
recently beeu exhibited in Paris. It is
an eight-day clock, which chimes tho
(juarters, plays sixteen tunes, playing
three tunes every hour, or at any inter
val required, by simply touching a
spring. Tho hands go as follows: One
once a minute, one once an hour, one
once a week, one once a month and oue
once a year.
It shuws tho moon's age; rising aud
setting of the sun, the time of high au I
low tide, besides showing half ebb and
half flood. A curious devico represents
the water, showing ships at high watei
tide aa if they were in motion; and, us it
recedes, leaves them high and dry on the
sands.
The clock shows the hour of the day,
the day of tho week, the day of the
month and the month of the year. Tho
mechanism is so arranged as to make its
own provisions for long and short months.
It also shows the signs of the zodiac,
equations and tho difference between sun
and railroad time fcr every day iu the
yeur. San Francisco Examiner,
Balm of Gllead.
The balm of Gilcad, which is alluded
to iu the Old Testament as being ex
tremely precious, and which is spoken
of by Strubo, Pliny and other ancient
writers as being a euro for almost every
disease, is a liquid resiuous substauee of
high fragrance and enjoys a very high
reputation iu tho East. It is genorully
believed to be taken from a species of
balsumodendrow, a small tree growing
in Arabia and Abyssinia, and known as
balsam of Gileadeuse. The finest balsam,
culled obobulsam or balm of Mecca, is
obtained by incisions, is at first turbid
and white, but finally becomes a golden
yellow color aud of the consistency of
honey. Inferior kinds are obtained by
boiling the fruit and tho wood. Brook-
llti Cttill'H.
The Derivation of Buckrum.
Buckram, so called from Bokhara,
where it was originally made in the Mid
dle Ages, was much esteemed for being
costly and flue, anil fit for use iu church
vestments aud for secular personal weur.
John Grundisou, Bishop ol Exeter, Eng
Uud in 13:27, guve to his cathedral flu';a
of white and led buckram, and among
the five very rich veils for covering the
movable lectern iu that church three
were lined with blue bokeram. As Iuto
us the beginning of the sixteenth cen
tury this stutf was hehl good enough for
lining to a black velvet gown for Cjuetu
Elizabeth. JJiy mJL Lhronkl.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
A Bethlehem (Peon.) hammer weight
12S tons.
Electricity runs a Wurtcmburg (Ger
many) iron works.
Gas must be furnished at fifty-two
cents per thousand feet to compete with
electricity in lighting.
At Pittsburg the Second Avenue Elec
tric Street Car Company is equipping its
lines with vestibuled trains.
The system of riveting by hydraulic
power is being successfully applied to
the shell plating of vessels in course of
construction on the Tyne, England.
A fire engine that does away with the
use of horses and forces the water by
means of power generated by a storage
battery is a recent electrical invention.
It has recently been shown that when
cast and malleable iron are used in the
structure a galvanic action is set up be
tween them and the malleable iron is
corroded.
A calico printing machine h'as been in
vented in this country, the novelty ol
which is that the cloth may be printed
on one side in eight colors, or on both
sides with four colors each.
It is well known that vegetable and
animal oils are unsuitable for cylinder
lubrication, and recently in France where
colza oil was used it was found necessary
to burn out the deposits in the ports ol
the locomotive cylinders.
English manufacturers are bleaching
paper by an electrical process without, it
is stated, impairing its strength. A mag
nesium chloride solution is decomposed
by a powerful electrio current with the
evolution of chlorine and oxygen.
A newly-devised insulated screwdriver
has the shauk so thoroughly insulated,
nearly to its tip, that shock can be
avoided. The metal shank is flattened
and bent into a loop at oue end and then
moulded into a rubber handle, which
gives perfect protection from tho cur
rent.
A new system of house wiring for elec
tric lighting consists of fitting the build
ing with continuous tubes of insulating
material, through which the wires art
drawn. The tubes are made of paper
soaked in a hot bath of bituminous ma
terial, and are said to be hard, strong an
tough.
A handy lock is now used upon tri
cycles, boats, chests and boxes. It
weighs about half a pound, and, although
not much larger than a watch, is consid
erably thicker. This padlock is a com
bination, and it is fitted with a numbered
dial, very much like those used for safes
and vaults.
The highest atmospheric pressure on
record seems to be 31.72 inches, whict
occurred at Sempalatinski, on Deccmbci
16, 1877; and the lowest at any Innri
station is quoted at 27.13 inches, whict
was recorded on the coast of Orissa, o
September 22, 1885. The difference o!
4.6 in these readings is probably tht
maximum range of the barometer cvei
observed at the earth s surface.
Chicago's latest rapid transit project
calls for the building of a single-track,
single -column elevated electricul railway
Cars will be operated continuously in tho
some direction in a loop twenty miles 1:1
extent and at a distance apart of 75t
feet, which is equivalent to a headway
of tweuty and one-quarter seconds, un
nrraugement considered feasiblo with
single car units, with special truck
brakes. This would give 140 cars in
continuous operation on the circle.
A new apparatus for water has np
peared in the form of a still, which it
described as consisting of "a series ol
large flat disks of metal, placed upright
and kept in position by pipes running
horizontally on the top and bottom.
Water is boiled in a vessel and the steam
is conducted from the same to the dish
through a pipe. The steam radiating
from the water is condensed in the disks
by a current of air, and the water is col
lected in the bottom pipe." The size o.
still designed for family use has eight
disks, and is said to distill a gallon of
water in an hour.
The Papal Swiss Guards.
Most foreigners, who havo been in
Home, remember the entrance to the Vat
ican with the Portone di Brouzo at tlu
end of the semi-circle at the
right of the Bernin colonade. Ou the
wuy to the mass you pass along this por
tico, beloie the post of Swiss guards,
whose uniform of "lansquenets" of tho
sixteenth century is one of the curiosities
of Home; and you may hear the halberds
clashing upon the stone floor iu salute
of some religious functionary as he comes
iu.
I need not describe these guards, with
their heavy mustaches aud beards; their
fresh-colored faces and their unconscious
swagger and their doublets, which
seem so wofully out of place iu modern
Home.
On a little triangular place, at the foot
of the high aud massive wall of the Sis
tine Chapel, between the great stretch ot
the Pontiflcial garden aud the colossal
sides of St. Peter's Church, there is an
other Swiss guard, at thut door of the
Vatican by which, last spriug, Leo XIII.
made his little excursiou into the outer
world, which was so much talked about
iu the newspapers. Near by a sentinel
of the Italian Army stands guard in the
name of King Humbert. Here we huv
the two opposing principals, with theit
picket lines scarcely twenty puces upurt.
Act York Journal.
Leanness and Self-Reliance.
The ra.or-back hog, the yellow dog,
the lopsided Thomas cat, despised of the
world, the hurd-feutured billy-goat who
nervously chews his tough quid aud looks
at the world iu uumitigatod disgust all
these eurn their own living. The fat
shout, the fat dog, the fut tom-cat, the
fat billy-goat, the which we have never
yet aecu, are wholly without self-reliance,
have no object in life, keep no move ou,
tliey can't sing, they can't tight, they
them nothing ou earth except fut, which
their musters huve put there. Let us be
leuu aud iudepeudeut, ii York Journal.
SIIOWING THEM THE TOWN.
HELPING STRANGERS TO SEE A
GREAT CITY'S SIOHTS.
The Work Which Is Done by "Cha
peron ftnrcam" A New and I'ae
fut Feature of Metropolitan Lire.
The time has passed for the "unpro
tected female" to look forward to a visit
to New York With fear and trembling.
She need not wait the convenience of
any male relative, or write imploring
letters to city friends asking to bo met
and taken in just when their spare rooms
are full, or they are planning a trip to
Lakewood. All sho has to do is to send
a postal card to tho chaperon bureaus
a comparatively new feature in New
York, though long familiar in London
saying when she is coming and in what
part of the city she desires to stay. Then
she checks her trunk and starts, with no
more thought for the morrow than a lily
of the field.
On arriving at the station she is met
by an attractive-looking woman in a
tsilor-mado gown, who wears a little
knot of bluo and white ribbons on her
left breast. This is the professional
chaperon, and in less thnn no time bag
gage checks have changed hands, a di
rection has been given to an expressman,
and both women are on their way to the
comfortable boarding house where
rooms baie been engaged. During the
journey the chaperon chats easily, points
out places of Interest and inquires
whether tho visit is for shopping, pure
and simple, or for amusement, in the
sense oi sight-seeing and meeting with
friends. Su3h attentions are especially
needed by quite young girls, and most
of all, perhaps, by elderly women who
have outlived the love of experiment and
adventure.
Arrived at the boarding house, the
chaperon settles all preliminaries, and
either gives her charge such bits of in
formation as may make her independent
in going about town, or promises to call
at any time sho may be needed, either
ending the connection then and there or
becoming guide, philosopher and friend
for the wholo of the stay. If the stran
ger bo disinclined to look after herself,
the chaperon knows what is going on at
every theatre in town, when the trains
leave for everywhere, which line of
street cars is most convenient, where
every one lives, and all about picture
galleries, libraries and places of interest.
She takes the visitor over the Brooklyn
Bridge, to the top of the big buildings,
and let's her grip her (the escort's) arm
black nnd blue when they whisk round
a curve on the elevated railroad. She
nearly walks her feet off from shop to shop
after bargains, nnd gives her opinion
about bonnets and gowns when desired.
AU this time she is bright Kid amiablo,
never shows herself bored or wearied,
and gracefully ignores the fact that she
is earning her living by "knowing her
New York," and is an agreeable com
panion at so much an hour.
The announcement of tho chnperon
bureaus, "AlHcgitiniate. service promptly
rendered," scarcely expresses the number
of things the energetic women in charge
do for travelers. They have nicely ap
pointed dressing rooms, where a refresh
ing bath may be had, or hair dressed and
a different gown assumed if an evening
entertainment is to follow the day's
shopping. Parcels are received and
sent over to the station in time for tho
train, telegrams are dispatched, letters
ore typewritten and appetizing lunch
baskets are packed; stewardesses are
tipped, parlor car tickets are secured
aud the novel bought to read ou the
way. Alladin's lamp seems to have
materialized in those modest olliccs, so
promptly is the "Certainly, mudume, in
fifteen minutes," heurd in answer to al
most any request.
The lists of available chaperons aro
classified according to age, religious be
lief and temporament, so that a congenial
corupuuion is. assured, and the most con
servative need fear no jarring remark or
suggestion. With a laudable desiio to
have plenty of irons in the tire, the
managers of these bureaus recommend
dressmakers, let rooms, do shopping ou
commission, retail Turkish bath tickets,
sell some of them investment securi
ties aud pluce advertisements iu news
papers, all at so reasonable a feu that it
is a temptation to let theui do all things
down on their catologue just for .the fun
of it.
Tho roost amusing part of it till is that
one bureau keeps a list of men divinity
students and steady college boys who
will perform all the above-mentioned
services for the youthful visitor from the
rural regions, without once culling him
"hayseed" or letting him find out how
frightfully- his coat is cut. -Yeo York
lkcorder.
"A Suall'a Pace."
"A snail's pace" need not bo used
any longer as a term more or less in
definite. By au interesting experiment
at the Florence Polytechnic Institute a
few days ago the pace wusucertained ex
actly and reduced to figures, which may
uow bo used by perse us who favor tho
use of the exact terms. A half a do.eu
of the luollusks were permitted to crawl
betweeu two points ten feet upurt, aud
from this the average puce was ascer
tained. Iu working the calculation into
feet, yurds, rods, furlongs aud miles it
was found that it would take a small
snail exactly fourteen days Ui crawl u
mile. St. Lou in Jh public.
Two Thousand Times an Inventor.
Jojiu Y. Smith, of Doylestowu, Penu.,
bus the record of Ikuviug made over 'JU(ii)
inventions. The principal one is a
vacuum air brake; the others mainly re
lute to a lino of machinery, lie is now
working iu the sphere of photography,
emleavoiing to discover a way to photo
graph iu natural colors. Mr. Smith is a
iar,'e muu with gny board, and is about
sixty years old. He bus made un im
mense fortune through his inventions,
and has beeu honored in many ways by
tho crowned heads of Kuiope iu recog
nition of his seivbes to progress,
2 imes-Vtmvcrat,
THE A D V.
There are three little lettar J
That are used on every days,
In every publication,
With undisputed sway.
That are so very modest I
Ne'er prominent they'll be,
But 'way down in a corner
Lurks the a-d-v.
You read about a shipwreck,
A hundred people drowned; j
The wreckage of the noble ship
For miles is strewn around.
Your heart then swalla in pity
For those upon the sett,
Until you read on further,
To the a-d-v.
Or perhaps upon a railroad
You'll read of a big smash.
And many people Injured
In the overwhelming crash. 1
You wonder if some relative i
Upon the train could be; .
Then you kick yourself, because
You see the a-d-v.
And so you And it daily;
In everything it lurks;
'Tis seen in every paper,
And ne'er ita duty shirks.
To tell the truth, dear reador,
And we laugh aloud with glee,
This poetry's not paid for
It's an a-d-v.
Printer' Ink.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
In purple and fine linen A bandaged
black eye.
A burst of eloquence is a consequence
of mental dynamite. Boston Courier.
"And why were you discharged from
your last place?" "I'd served me time.'"
Not Intimate: "Have you met with
success?" "I know it only by sight."
l'uck.
Marked down Tho young man's mus
tache when it begins to be visible.
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Tho fact that riches havo wings may
be tho reason that they enable a man to
"fly high." Washington Post.
When a bachelor is asked to rock tho
cradle he feels more like stoning the
baby instead. Somertille Journal.
Consider the man who is always punc
tual how much timo he wastes waiting
for other people. Elmtra Oatette.
Tramp "Will this dog bite a poor
old tramp?" Hired Girl "Just as quick
as a fut young one. Git!" Epoch.
When the other man begins to quote
statistics you may assume that you havo
wou the argument. Elmira Gazette.
If you wish to be entertaining just
forget yourself long enough to talk to
somebody about himself. Dallas A'eict.
Boulangcr is having another desperate
wrestle with obscurity, and with all the
chances in favor of obscurity. Boston
Post.
Fogg says that, after all, your true
huc-ers of wood and drawers of water
are ycur landscape artists. Boston Tran
scrijit. llo "So Jack isn't devoted to Kate
any more. Did they fight?" She
"Yesj they had nn engagement." Yale
lierord.
"The man I'll wed," says sweet Sixteen,
"Must beauty have and youthful be."
"Of him I'll wed," says 'i'hirty-flve,
"I but demand thut he'll huve mo."
lick.
The saying, "Nothing succeeds like
success," wus probably invented bofore
the modern "business failure" system of
succeeding was discovered. itoie York
Herald.
Really Enthusiastic: "Oh, Mr. Brown,
your picture is absolutely enchanting.
Only oue Italian word can describe it
und I have forgotten that." FliegemU
Jlladter.
"Here's your bill," said tho milk
denier to tho dissatisfied customer.
"Well, turn about is only fair play; sup
pose we chalk that up awhile." Wash
ington Post.
"It strikes me that Russian authors
have a remarkably vcnerablo aud care
worn look." "Yes; but then look at
the language they have to do their think
ing iu." Washington Post.
Clara (just engaged) "Ah, Emma, if
I ouly knew how to inuko Edward hap
py!" Emma (a student of human na
ture) "I'll tell you, my dear. Don't
murry him." Flicgende Blaetttr.
"I can command my salary," said tho
Thespian in reply to the remarks of an
envious rival. "No doubt," was the re
ply. "It's so small it would be afraid
to disobey you." Washington Post.
"Tho Superfluous Muu" is the titlo of
a recently published essay. This is the
tirst time that the muu who goesshoppiug
with his wife has figured in serious litera
ture, we believe. .Yew York Jkcorder.
Miss Cuustique "I hear you won the
4it)-yards run." I)e Boaster "Oh,
easily. The other fellows weren't iu it."
Miss Cuustique "Ah, you were the only
one entered, I presume." llarcai d Lam
tooli. "The face of the returns," suid tho
chairman of the incctim;, "shows sixty
seven ayes and no noes." "What a qucer-i.
looking face that must be," remai ned au
old lady iu the back row. Hathing. n
St,ir.
Mrs. Snng;rs (raiding) ".V first cousin
of the King of Swedeu is living iu Lyuu,
Mass." Snaggs "Poor fellow! Why
do they bring that up against him if he's
trjing to live a respectable life." 1'itts
lunj Chronicle- I'tltgraih.
Au c llo it was made i:i Ohio to cure I
girl of a dog-bito by usiug a uiadstone,
but it tailed. The trouble was the stone
wus used too lute. It ought to havo beeu
applied to the dog before he bit the
girl. Jl. ill i more . 1 mtrica n .
Complainant "Your h uor, she
struck me iu tho face with her clenched
list. Thut gash was cut by her ring."
The Court "Where did she get too
riii.; I" Complainant "I gave is to a-r
It was our engagement ring." The
Court "The prisoner is dischurued.
This is clearly a casu of contributory
uc-liycuce." vckiW Woikly,