THE FOREST EEPDELICAN
la pobllhod rrerj Wednedr, by
' J. E. WENK.
OtHoe la Smear ban gli & Co.' Building
ElJheTRKKT, TIONESTA, Pi.
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VOL. IX. NO, 4.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 25, 1887.
$1 50 PER ANNUM
There is one convict to every thousand
inhabitants in this country, and one con
vict laborer to every fifty persons in the
country engaged in mechanical pussuits.
The 4.'5,277 convicts engaged in produc
tive labor performed in ono year services
to the value of $28,750,000.
The average age of those who enter
college is now seventeen. One hundred
years ago it was fourteen, and it will be
doubtless nineteen ere long, for our wisest
educators affirm that a youth of sixteen
seldom knows the value of study, and the
older students do the best work.
A silk colony has been established in
Florida under the auspices of the "Women's
Silk Culture Association, which is said to
promise good resnlts. It is thought that
many invalids who go to Florida for their
"health might like to engage in silk cult
ure as a light and pleasant occupation.
The California Legislature has appro
priated $15,000 for the improvement of
tfcc Yosemito Valley. New trails will be
.faW""1 and the mountain streams will
be stocked with fish, that tourists may
have the pleasnre of fishing with the hope
of catching something. The mountain
trout can only be caught by an Indian. It
. is his secret.
The United States Supreme Court has
handed down a decision that an insane
person who takes his own life does not
"committ suicide," and that life insur
ance may be recovered even though the
policy may provide that it shall be void if
the insured person shall die by suicide ;
self -killing by a lunatic person. is bylaw
to be regarded as an accidental death.
In speaking of the "anaesthetic bullet,'
which is said to have been invented re
cently by a German, and which will
render wounded men unconscious for
twelve hours, the Portland Press says
that "but ono thing is lacking to com
plete the usefulness of this original prin-
. i xi. i - e rrn.- n . - r
uipiu miuu tu b oi w in. auu niies noiu
which these bullets are to be fired should
J)e furnished with needle-pointed bay
onets through which hypodermic injec
tions of morphine may be administered
- to the soldiersC,tho enemy who may fall
in the way ofGerman bayonet .charge."
President Chauncey M. E"epcw is test
ing the various methods for heating and
lighting the cars of the New York Central
Ifculroad's linea-without danger from fire
in the event of accidents. Experiments
are being made with electric lighting ma
chines, stored-up gas and hot-water ap
paratus, and doubtless some efficient,
. practical system will grow out of the in
genuity expended on these essays. A
rain has already been successfully run
from Boston to the Grand Central Depot,
in New York, thoroughly heated for 240
miles by the Martin steam-heating ap
paratus and lighted by electricity.
"The most expensive human hair is sil
ver gray in color and is worth $100 an
ounce," says a New York dealer. "Most
of the human hair used in our trade," he
adds, 'iv imported from Bohemia and
France. It is not uncommon for a Bohe
mian woman to cut eight inches of hair
from her head every year. Peddlers ex-
change finger rings and other articles of
personal adornment for these clippings.
Tho use of hair restoratives and the gen
eral lack of vigor on the part of Ameri
, can women destroy the value of American
hair.. Drab shades of human hair are
more expensive than brown or black."
Patti says ', that she is called the
"Queen of Song," not because she is the
greatest singer, but because she has
many gifts. She enumerates them as
follows: "I pass for pretty, that's one; I
am tolerably graceful, that's two; I am a
good dresser, that's three ; I have a way
with me that's piquant, that's four; 1
like my public, that's five; I have a good
voire, that's six ; I know how to sing,
that's seven; I always know my music,
that's eight; I act fairly well the roles
'given me, that's nie. AVhnt more do
you want in a singer?" And an enthusi
astic public hastens to answer: "Noth
ing, dear Patti, except a repetition of
flome, Swuet Home.' "
Grave doubts have recently been cast
on M. Pasteur's success in curing hydro
phobia. The weight of English scientific
opinion is now adverse to his treatment
for anthrax in cattle. His method in
both these cases is the 6ame. By inocu
lating the virus of a specific contagious
disease from one starving animal to an
other, he claims that at length the poi
son is so weakened that if received by
inau only the harmless symptoms of the
disease will appuur, and that the body
will be protected agaiust future attacks,
the disease never occurring twice iu a
lifetime. The theory is beautiful, but it
has not been successful in practice.
A FRIEND S HAND IN MINE, LADS.
Sometimes tis May, lads,
She Ay soft and bright;
We sing on our way, lads,
With brave hearts and light
But May cannot last, lads;
With great clouds rolled,
The skies are o'ercast, lads,
The world turns cold.
A friend's hand in mine, lads,
A kind hand and true,
In rough ways and dark days
It help a man through.
We've small gifts to give, lads.
A poor purse to show,
But what man can live, lads,
With naught to bestow?
A word of brave cheer, lads,
A warm grasp and strong,
Bents all your gear, lads,
To help hearts along.
A friend's hand in mine, lads,
A kind hand and true,
In rough ways and dark days
, It helps a man through .
Do what you can, lads,
And do it with might;
God isn't man, lads,
To judge by the sight.
Pence pounds outweigh, lads,
When wills are right good,
And, oh! to hear Him say, lads,
" He's done what he could."
A friend's hand in mine, lads,
A kind hand and true,
In rough ways and dark days
It helps a man through.
Frederic Langbridge.
THE BOX IN THE CORNER.
It is some years since I was station
master, baggage-agent, telegraph-operator
and ticket-seller at a little village near
some valuable oil wells. The station-house
was quite a distance from, the unpre
tentious thoroughfare that had grown up
in a day, nnd my duties were so arduous
that I had scarcely leisure for a weekly
flitting to a certain mansion on the hill
where dwelt Ellen- Morris, my promised
wife. In fact, it was with the hope of
lessening the distance between us that I
had undertaken these quadruple duties.
The day hud bec;i gloomy, and toward
the afternoon ominous rolls of thunder
protended a storm.
Colonel Ilolloway, the well-known
treasurer of the oil company, had been in
the village several days. About one
o'clock he came hurriedly into the office
with a package, which he laid upon my
desk, saying:
"Take care of that, Bowen, till to
morrow. I'm going up the road."
The commission wus not an unusual
one, and my safe was one of Marvin's
best I counted the money, which footed
up into the thousands, placed it in the
official envelope, aliixedthe seals, and
deposited it in the safe. As I turned
away from the lock, a voice at the door
said:
"Say, mister, can you tell me the way
to the post-ofiice?"
A sort of shock went through me at
the unexpected presence that seemed to
have dropped down from nowhere, and I
replied, irritably:
"You could not miss it if you tried.
Keep straight ahead."
Soon large drops of rain came down
then faster and more furiously, until
the air was one vast sheet of water,
and little rivers leaped madly along the
gullies and culverts. Forked lightning
kept pace with the pealing thunder, and
heaven's own artillery seemed let loose.
Anything more dismal or dreary could
not well be imagined, and gradually the
loneliness grew oppressive. Every strag
gler had lied to shelter, and the usual
idlers had deserted the platform. But I
resolutely set to work at thedry statistics
of the station-books, with an occasional
call to the wires, which were ticking like
; maa, so nerce was the electric current.
I T ..ma t! .,,.! 1. 1 1
o JH.-U1 jiyu u cioui. wiicu u lOIlir
freight train came lumbering by, switched
off a car or two, then dragged its slow
length onward. This created a brief di
version, then once more was deserted.
The next passenger train was not due
till ten o'clock. I lit the lamps and re
signed myself with questionable patience
to the intervening hours. An agreeable
interruption came in the form of my
supper, which was brought in a water
proof basket by a sort of jack-at-all-trades
whom we called Jake. Shaking
himself like a great dog, he '"lowed
there wa'n't much more water left up
yonder nohow."
"I hope not, indeed," I said, glad of
the sound of a human voice. "Jake!"
I called, as he left the office, "come
back as soon as you can I may want
you."
I had a vague idea of dispatching
some sort of report to Ellen that I had
not been entirely washed away," and ob
taining similar comfort as to her own
fate. I little thought I should really
need him.
I think I am not by nature more
timid than other men, but as the dis
mal evening closed i.i I took from my
1 desk two revolvers kept ready lor pos
sible emergencies, mid laid one upon the
desk where I was making freight en
tries, and the other on the table where
the electric battery stood. At inter
. vals a fresh package for the night ex
press was brought by some dripping
. carrier, who deposited it, got his re
ceipt, hung about for a few moments,
' then hastened away to more comfort
' able quarters.
I Still the rain poured in torrents. It
' must have been nearly nine o'clock
when a wagon, hurriedly driven, sud
denly stopped ut the platform. In a mo
ment the door wus thing open, and I saw
' u small ambulance well known about the
village. Two men sprang out, and, with
the aid of the driver ami his assistant,
j proceeded to lift out a box which from its
dimensions could contain only one kind
of freight, to wit, the remains of a hu
man being.
Carefully placing this box in a remote
corner of the room, near other boxes
awaiting transportation, the driver and
his man returned to their wagon, while
the two strangers approached the desk td
enter their ghastly freight. They wore
slouched hats and were very wet. They
produced a death certificate of one John
Slate, who had died at a farmhouse sev
eral miles away, of a noii-contngious com
plaint, and was to be shipped to friends
down the rond. This was all. There
was nothing singular about it, and yet,
when the door closed upon the strangers
and I was again alone, or worse than
alone, a feeling of awe came over me.
Clearly the storm had somewhat unstrung
mc.
Only one hour till the 'train was due,
after which I could turn in for the
night.
A louder peal of thunder 6hook the
house, and fiercer flashed the lightning.
Minute after minute went by, and each
seemed an age. The roar and din of the
elements only deepened the gloom inside,
where tho uncertain kerosene darkened
the shadows.
Suddenly, to my overstrained nerves,
the ceaseless clicking of the wires seemed
to say: "Watch the boxl Watch tho
box 1 Watch the box !" As a particular
strain of melody will at times repeat itself
in tho mind, and obstinately keep time
to every movement, till one is well nigh
distracted, so this refrain began to en
chain every sense: "Watch the box!
AVntch the box ! Watch the box !" Ti."
now my depressed spirits were due only
to the solitude and the storm. No sus
picion of evil or danger had tormented
me.
Peering more closely into the dingy
corner I saw only ho ordinary pine box,
with what seemed to be a square, paper,
or placard, on the side facing me. Prob
ably the address, bungingly adjusted on
the side instead of the top, or else a stain
of mud from the late rough ride. At all
events, I was not curious enough to ap
proach more nearly the ghostly visitant.
Then minutes had crept by, when a
mulllcd noise in the dark corner distinct
ly sounded above the pelting rain drops,
while, as if to mock at my quickened
fears, the wires continued their monot
onous warning: "Watch the boxl Watch
the box! Watch the box 1" I did watch
the box, and as by inspiration I grasped
the situation. There was indeed a man
in the box, but not a dead one. A living
man, who had boldly lent himself to a
plot to rob or murder me, perhaps both.
I remembered the straggler who had
surprised mq while at the safe, several
hours before. lie had doubtless followed
Colonel Ilolloway and witnessed the
money transaction. Quick and fast flew
my thoughts in the startled endeavor to
grasp some plan of action. Single
handed I was no match for any man, hav
ing recently recovered from an attack of
malarial fever. This one in the box (if
indeed there were one must mean to se
cure his prize before the train, was due,
and escape the consequences. lie must
have accomplices, and these were doubt
less on watch, waiting either to give or
receive a signal. At least it was not
probable that he would undertake the
job alone, and the fact that he had con
federates had already appeared.
Perhaps the sight of my pistols had de
layed the attack. Perhaps some part of
their plan had miscarried and caused de
lay. At all events I must bo cool. I
fancied I saw his eyes through the dark
patch on the box. I was almost sure he
was slowly lifting the lid. There was no
help near, and much might be done in
the time still to elapse before the train
was due.
Quietly walking to the battery, I
feigned to take a message. Iu reality I
sent one to the conductor of tho on-coming
express, as the only device whereby
I could secure assistance, and this would
doubtless be too late. Yet it was all that
I could do iust now.
With every sense on tho alert, I arose
to secrete my keys if possible, when the
door burst open, and Frank Morris, my
future brother-in-law, rushed, in, followed
by a huge dog that was Ellen's special pet
and attendant.
"Confound you !" said Frank, splutter
ing about, and shaking himself as vigor
ously as the dog. "I'll be flowed if
ever I go on such another fool's errand as
this."
"Why, you are pretty well 'blowed
now,' I said, with a poor attempt to be
funny, but immensely relieved. "I never
was so glad to see anybody in my life!"
and I meant it.
"There it is," he said; "make much of
it," as he cleverly flipped a little white
missive over to me. "Such billing and
cooing I never want to see again. Reg
ular spoons, by Jove! , Can't go to sleep
till she knows you haven't been melted,
or washed away, or something. And
t'ato must come along to see that her pre
cious brother doesn't get lost. Ugh!
Lie down, over there, old fellow!" Then
tome he said: "Here, help me out of
this wet thing."
But I was engrossed, just then, and
ridding himself of tlicoffendinggarment,
the broad-shouldered young athlete
strode about in mock impatience.
"Heavens! what a night!" he ex
claimed. "What time does your train
pass? Ten? Just three minutes. 1 guess
I'll stay; but we'll have that young dam
sel floating down here if she doesn't hear
pretty soon. Hello, Cato!' What's the
matter?" as the dog gave a low grow l.
"What's that in the corner, Bowen'"
The dog continued to growl and look
suspiciously about as the young fellow
rattled on.
"That," I said, "is a deed man."
"Humph!" he laughed. "Jolly good
company for such a night. I bay, Bowen,
you've, jjot a nice toy there," and he took
up the pistol thai I. iv on the table. .Mean
while I had scrawled on apiece of paper,
which I quietly placed near the pistol:
"The man in the box is a burglar,
rendv for sn attack."
"Oho! that's thegnme!"hesaid, aloud,
nnd instantly strode across the room, as
Cnto sprang np nnd barked furiously at
the box. Simultaneously the top of the
box flew up, nnd uttering a shrill whistle
the man sprang to a sitting posture,
while through the wide flung door the
other two ruffians appeared with pistols
cocked. At once there began a deadly
struggle. The dog had leaped upon the
box and knocked the "dead" man's pis
tol out of his hand, as Frank shouted,
"Tsho, Catol" unwilling that tho dog
should tear him to pieces, but wishing to
keep him at bay.
"Your keys!" yelled tho other men;
"or by heavens you'll drop!"
Instantly closing in, man to man, the
fierce struggle went on amid shouts,
curses and pistol shots.
"Call off your cursed dog!" screamed
the "dead" man continually.
Tho encounter, which had occupied
scarcely a minute, was at its deadliest,
both Frank and I endeavoring to disarm
rather than kill, when the whistle of tho
train sounded, and in another moment
the conductor and his men were among
us.
"Seize that scoundrel 1" shouted Frank,
breathlessly, indicating the man in the
box. "Here, Cato!" and tho obedient
animal unwillingly retired, but continued
his savage growls.
At this juncture my man fell heavily to
the floor, wounded iu tho leg, and utter
ing groans and imprecations. It was
quick work to secure tho men, and Jake,
who opportunely reappeared, was sent to
summon tho village police. Some of the
passengers, impatient at the delay, had
got wind of tho adventure, and now
crowded into the station in no little ex
citement. The box was found to have a
false side piece, next tho wall, which was
easily pushed down by the man inside,
for greater comfort in his cramped posi
tion ; and there were beside a number of
air-holes. It was the moving of this
side-panel that caused the muffled noise
I had heard.
I was questioned in all possible ways,
nnd tho curiosity of the passengers was
fully gratified amid the clamor of the
prisoners who continually swore at each
other.
"What did you wait so long for?" said
one of them glaring at the "dead" man.
"What was your hurry?" retorted the
other, sarcastically.
It was plain from the quarrel which
ensued that the sight of my pistols, and
my evident uneasiness, together with tho
effect of the fearful storm, hnd unsettled
the fellow's plan and robbed him of his
presence of mind. While puzzling as to
the safest course, the sudden entrance of
Frank and the dog had precipitated tho
catastrophe.
The men wero conducted to the
County Jail, and I was the hero of tho
hour, although I could not claim much
credit for personal valor in tho matter.
Was it fate or Providence that befriend
ed me? But for my presentiment, or
whatever it was, I should have urged
Frank's immediate return to my anxious
betrothed. But for her loving anxiety
he never would have come down on such
a night. But for the dog ono of us must
have been killed. And first of all, but
for the instinctive sense of danger the
telegraph wires would never have spoken
a warning to my excited fancy; and this
manifest feeling of apprehension, though
I strove hard to conceal it, held the man
in tho box at bay.
The practical result of tho episode was
a more .commodious station-house, and
more men on duty. My salary was
raised; but eventually I gave up the sit
uation because my wife could never feel
satisfied to have mo perform night work
after the fearful experience I have
related.
As to Frank, ho is not backward with
explosive English whenever tho subject
in mentioned, and no amount of persua
sion could ever reconcile Cato to tho old
station-house. ZYaiik Leslie's.
An Ancient New-Mexican City.
To the eastward of Socorro, New
Mexico, two prospectors a few days ago
accidentally stumbled upon indications
of ancient ruins projecting above the
shifting sands of the plain. A careful
examination convinced them that be
neath their feet buried in the desert
sands lay the ruins of an ancient town.
Turning to with their shovels to explore
their find a few hours' work brought
them to the floor of a small room in the
form of a parallelogram. The Socorro
JSullioii thus describes the relics un
earthed: "They found the remains of
several human beings, several handsome
vases carved with geometrical tigures in
different colors, stone axes, hammers,
pieces of cloth apparently manufactured
from the fibre of yucca, several strings of
beads, seat-hells, arrow-heads, an abun
dance of fragments of obsidian quartz,
and an incredible quantity of pieces of
broken pottery, including several with a
blue glazing. Only in one other instance
have we ever heard of this color and
quantity of ware having been discovered
in this Territory, and that was at the
ancient pueblo near the Santa Rita, in
this country, and it indicates that the
Spaniards had lived in New Mexico be
fore the extinction of the race who in
habited this ruined and buried village."
The miners do not know whether they
tapped the best or the poorest spot iu
their buried town in this lirst excavation.
They have, however, resolved to con
tinue digging. They are of the opinion
that they may be able to unearth a cabi
net of curios the sale of which will
bring them more coin than they would
make in the same time at prospecting for
precious metals. Virginia, City (Ate)
L'tttrprixe.
An HgricnltorHl exchange informs us
ut what "time in the mooii to plant corn."
In this section fanners prefer to plant
j their corn iu the earth. PUiUidetpltia Cult.
B'A MOUNTAIN OF MARBLE.
THE FAMOUS QUARRIES OF CAR
RARA IN TUB ALPS.
Getting Out Immense Masses of
Itrauttfitl Whtto Marble Men
Who Work in the Quarries.
The city of Carrara nestles under tho
protection of its mountains, the Apuan
Alps, a comer of the Apennines. Some
of these, rising to the height of 7,000 feet,
overshadow the north of the town, while
to the right and left they arc softened
down to hills, richly clothed with fir,
chestnut, olive trees and vines in a de
scending scale; to the south is a gap of
nbout a furlong, through which winds
the River Aven.a, and beyond the six
miles of intervening country tho blue
Mediterranean can bo seen.
The quarries are one of the sight s of tho
world, occupying three or four descend
ing ridges, which unite in the lofty Monto
Sagro. They have been worked nt
latest from the timo of tho Emperor
Augustus. From then until now all the
best marble has been obtained from
them.
The mountains of marble in some places
seem to rise almost perpendicularly ; high
up their sides are the quarries or "caves,"
as they are locally called, presenting from
the town the appearance of patches of
snow which refuses to be melted by the
sun, while sometimes it seems as though
partially dissolvod snow had begun to
slide down tho mountain side.
To see tho quarries, and tho mode in
which tho "cave man" works, says a
writer in the London 'J rapine, ouo must
bo up with him in the morning, and fol
low him to his toil ns I did.
We were just in time to see a lingo cor
ner of marble, weighing about a hundred
tons, forced from tho mountain. Round
it men have driven a chain of holes with
crowbars, shaped at the point liko a
chisel. Bv strikincr the surface and dex-
j tyfously turning the bar at each stroko a
hole is soon formed about three leet into
solid rock, thus isolating the desired mass
as much as possible. Into these holes
gunpowder is placed by a boy, who in
variably performs his task with a lighted
cigar in his mouth ! Clay is then rammed
in, a train laid and a warning shout
raised. We betake ourselves to some
such shelter as an overhanging rock or
small cave; the foreman gives another
shout, applies tho match to the train and
runs for his life. A few moments of anx
ious waiting the whole mountain seems
to shake, thunder and groan in agony at
having to give up its treasures a cloud
of dust a rumble of falling pieces we
creep out in time to see two masses of
marblo tumbling over the last ridge on
their way to tho valley.
The explosive power in this instance
had been nicely calculated tho huge
mass had been just loosened. Sometimes
the moving force of tho charge is under
estimated, then tho whole block topples
over, often to pound itself into hundreds
of pieces iu its headlong course down the
ravine.
Being too heavy nnd largo to be moved
entire, it is divided in the simplest way,
a row of holes bored across it (a line
chiseled between them), plugs of dry wood
driven into the holes, water poured upon
thonfcindin time, tho wood haviflgswollen,
the block cracksacross and through. Men
then go to work upon each half with a
hammer and chisel until they arc made
tolerably square, huge cables or chains
nro fastened around them, and they arc
lowered by short stages from ledge to
ledge to the wagons waiting below.
Tho "cave" men are Surely almost as
primitive and hardy in their habits ns
their historic namesakes ; many of them
live in tho hamlets among the hills, six
or eight miles from their work; they
leave their homes at daybreak, each
equipped with a pair of thick boots
which are never worn at home, a gourd
slung by his side, to be tilled at tho
mountain jst ream he passes, a hunk of
coarse bread under his arm, possibly an
apple in his pocket. On this food he ex
ists during the day, earning about two
shillings, and working much harder than
a steak-fed English navy. Iu the even
ing at home ho sups on a mash of meal,
mingled with oil and flavored with the
never-failing garlic; meat ho seldom if
ever tastes. On Festa days only does he
drink anything stronger than water; then
ho will spend as much and even more
than he can afford upon cheap wine.
Almost every Festa brings with it a quar
rel, and the evening its inevitable result
a stabbing affray.
Of the 20,000 inhabitants living in
Carrara and its immediate neighborhood,
about (5,000 are "cave" men; tho town is
entirely devoted to the marble commerce,
marble stares you in the face everwhere,
the walls, roads and paths are made of
it, the floors of the house are paved with i
it, everything that can be is hewn out of
marble, from a perfect copy of the Venus j
to the common "bathing tub," as a local ;
advertisement has it. Countless t opic"
of the antique are sent out from the 4110
studios iiml find their way to the various
art markets of Europe and America. Oc-
casionally a good original statue or bust (
is executed, but the greater number of I
sculptors devote themselves to rcpro-
din ing copies either of the old masters,
popular modern examples or chiseliu
sepulchral monuments.
An Eye to llusiness.
A good story is told of an Omaha doc
tor. Some years ago he, became engaged
in a tight with another man, whom he
finally knocked down with a heavy china
pitcher. The man received an ugly scalp
wound, which the doctor sewed up. One
would naturally suppose that the victim
would not be called upon to pay for tho
surgical attendance, but il is a fact that
.he doctor pn sentcd a bill for $20, and
what is more he gel the money. TIiiti 'j
nothing like having a., eye U business. -I
Ouo.lui Htr.
WINGS FOR HOME.
My heart hath taken wings for home;
Away! a way! it cannot stay.
My heart hath taken wings for home,
tiorall that's Iv.'st of Greece or Rome
Can stop its sway.
My heart hath taken wings for home,
Away !
My heart hath taken wings for home,
Oh, swallow, swallow, lend the way I
Oh, little bird, fly north with me,
I have a home lieside the sea
Where thou canst sing and play
My heart hath taken w ings for home,
Away I
My heart hath taken wings for home,
Hut thou, Oh littlo bird, wilt stay;
Thou hast thy little ones with thee here,
Thy mate floats w ith thee through the clear
Italian depths of day;
My heart hath taken w ins for homo,
Away!
My heart hath taken wings for home,
Away I away I it cannot stay.
One spring, from ltrunellosehi's dome,
To Venice by tho Adrian foam,
Then west ward be my way,
My heart hath taken wings for homo,
Away I
Dennis F. McCarthy.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Ono aero enough Especially if it be a
tender corn. Siting.
An exchange says that when ono is
caught in n burning hotel ho should keep
cool. It is a great truth. Judge.
"Say, do you think it's true that red
headed girls are quick-tempered?" "Urn
nh supposoyou ask one of theiu about
HV'l'ittHburg Dispatch .
Pretty School Teacher "Thomas.stato
some of tho beauties of education."
Thomas (oldest boy in school) School
ma'ams. Aew York Hnn.
"Do you rectify mistakes here?" asked
a gentleman as ho stepped into n drug
store. "Yes, sir, we do, if tho patient is
still alive," replied tho urbano clerk.
"Another terrible washout," remarked
Semaphore. "Where?" asked the superin
tendent. "IXiwn at the Chinese laundry."
And the superintendent said he did hate a
fool. lSurdettt:
The biggest woman in the world is in
a Philadelphia dimo museum. She
weighs 7-17 pounds. This lady had a
husband once, but she sat on him nnd
the neighbors were obliged to bury him
betweeu two sheets of paper. liurlington
Free Presn.
A Chicago man swallowed a $1,000
United 8tatc3 bond to save it from a
burglar, and tho comptroller has refused
to issue a. duplicate to him. Wo don't
see why tho comptroller could bo ex
pected to do otherwise. The Chicago man
is in 11,000. lioMon Post.
A Washington paper says the Presi
dent has not altered any iu his manner
since his marriage; that when ho is in
introduced to any one lie simply shakes
hands, bows, smiles, speaks a few words,
and passes on. There was a rumor going
round that ho twisted bin friend's arm,
threw a back somerset, and yelled de
fiantly. Life.
(osinopolitau San Francisco.
San Francisco has many admirers and
but few haters, writes Edward Robert
in the New York Post. In some respects
it is the most interesting city in America
to visit, whatever it may bo to live in.
Tho interesting features are varied and
many, and all visitors are Impressed with
the unlikeuess of the place to any othel
American city. Every nationality seems
to bo represented: China in one quarter,
Italy iu another, Germany here, Franc
there. You can dine irt the restaurant ol
any country as inclination prompts,
served by an almond-eyed Celestial or by
a courteous Frenchman; and if tired ol
wandering in quarters that apparently
are not in America at all, you have but to
turn the corner and walk a block to find
everything as American as heart could
wish. I think, and indeed know, that 1
should never enjoy living in San Fran
cisco, and I am equally sure that my visits
to it will never bo otherwise than agree
able. Tho city, like Paris, for instance,
has a liveliness and buoyancy that quick
ens one's sense of enjoyment; and then,
too, the climate is invigorating, and
one sees more (lowers sold on tho street
corners than he has been accustomed to
in our staid old Eastern cities, that would
be shocked, 1 fear, if they had to coun
tenance all the gayetiesol' San Francisco.
It is far from beingan eminently propci
place, this city of which 1 write. Many
of its people go to church, but as many
more do not, and the places of amusement
have the most liberal patronage. There
are vast numbers of underground concert
and beer saloons, where the air is hot. nnd
foul, and from which one hears boister
ous music and shouts of noisy applause.
Such places are called "dives;" and their
presence gives to Sail Francisco many of
tho characteristics of mining towns in
Colorado. The theatres of the city, are
as a rule, dingy in appearance and unat
tractive, the only exceptions being the
Ha M w in and the Alcanr, two play
houses where one feels at home and is
able to enjoy much comfort. Hut the
plays presented at all tho theatres arc
equal to those given in the East.
Speei Ileal ions Necessary.
"Look out !" exclaimed a mail over
whose face a harder was moving his razor;
"you are cutting off my mustache." "You
didn't tell me not to cut it," the barber
replied. "With me a m.in must always
specify. "All right," said the customer.
hen the barber had finished the man
arose from the chair, approached the ar
tist and gave him a violent kick. "Look
out! you are kicking me ! yowled the
barber. "You didn't tell me not tit kick
you. With me a man must always speci
fy," said the customer."