THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
It published every Wednoaday, by
J. Z. WENK.
Onioa la Bmearbangh 8c Co.'a Building
ELM STREET, TIONE8TA, Pa.
Terms,
I.BO per Year.
No enbecrlptlnne received for a shorter period
than three mouihe.
Onrranpondcnca solicited from ail parte of the
country. No notice will be taken ofanonymoue
nwiu unlratlona.
nerr Krupp has the largest fortune and
Income in Germany. That is because he
makes guns to kill with, and killing ia
the best business in Europe.
la Holland women are rapidly usurp
ing the occupation of drug store assist
ants. Out of a total of fifty-five enndi
dates, nineteen out of thirty-one females,
and only eight out of twenty-four males,
were successful in the recent State exam
ination. Deer iti tho far West are fast going the
way of the Buffalo. One dealer in Jack
sonville, Oregon, in two months bought
1,300 deer skins, and other dealers in
aouthern Oregon have bought as mnnv.
These were all killed for their skins only,
contrary to law.
A fashionable wedding present is a
door-plate for the newly-wedded couple.
It is a sort of "good-bye" on the part of
tho bride. There is also a chance to ring
in on the bride an old witticism revamped
for tho occasion by explaining that the
plate, like herself, is something to adore.
A vessel with a cargo of forty-four
ostriches arrived recently at Galveston,
Texas. This ia the second cargo within
twelve months. The birds are for os
trich farms in California, where this pe
culiar industry is coming into play. Tho
birds came from Natal, South Africa.
Although the best of the public lands
have gone, it is encouraging to note that
there still remain unsurveyed about 0,
000,000 acres in Colorado, 12,000,000 in
Arizona, nearly 30,000,000 in California,
39,000,000 in Dakota, 7,000,000 in
Florida, 44,000,000 in Idaho, 7,000,000
In Minnesota, 39,000,000 in Nevada, 74,
000,000 in Montana, 31,000,000 in Utah,
more than 20,000,000 in Washington
territory, and so on.
A circus was sold at auction in Phila
delphia recently. Emp;ess, a vicious
elephant, who killed her keeper last year
and hits mangled two or three other
keepers, was knocked down for $1,500.
Queen, another elephant, not so vicious,
Drougni $i,uuu. cniei, a vicious ele
phant, brought $1,300. A Bengal tiger
was sold for $350, a leopard for $180, an
African spotted hyena for $45, a sable
antelope for $400, and a big lioness for
$250.
In the event of a war in Europe Ger
many would require 400,000 horses;
France, 375,000; Austria, 200,000, Russia,
. 400,000. Should there be a war there
fore, the powers would require 1,395,000
to begin with, and more from time to
time as the wimals should be killed or
used up in service. England has no more
horses than it needs, so that a war across
tho water would stimulate the American
horse market as well as the demand for
provisions.
A German chemist has invented a new
tf?kind of aesthetic bullet, which he urges
will, if brought into general use, greatly
diminishes the horrors of war. The bul
let is of a brittle substance, breaking di
rectly when it comes in contact with the
object at which it is aimed. It contains
a powerful anaesthetic, producing instan
taneously complete insensibility, busting
for twelve hours, which, except that the
action of the heart continues, is not to be
distinguished from death. While in this
condition, the German chemist points out,
the bodies may be packed in ambulance
wagons and carried oil as prisoners.
Among the questions given to pupils
of a St. Louis school for examination in
order to receive certificates of graduation
were the following: '"What aro the dis-
Tiictive features of paleozoic fishes as re-
garus caudal tin and teeth?' "Expand
an original enthymeme to the form of a
syllogism." "What is the distinction be
tween idealism and materialism?" "Give
the classification of the mollusca to the
orders." "Translate into Greek: 'He
scolds not only others but the judge.'"
They seem to have startled the parents of
the children, since one wants to know
what an enthymeme has to do with the
common affairs of life.
There is a certain frontier atmosphere
about a scene in a Kansas City court that
is refreshing. The president of a railroad
was on the witness stand undergoing
cross-examination before United States
Commissioner Parry, when one of the
parties to the suit that was before the
court came in. The railroad president
had promised to shoot this man on sight,
and he therefore drew his revolver as he
eat in the witness chair, und would have
begun a fusillade had not the court offi
cers disarmed him. Little incidents of
this nature suffice to vary the dull monot
ony of the legal procedure, and yet the
railroad president has been held for trial,
on a charjfai ti imaUj't with intent to kill.
VOL. III. NO. 50.
CHARITY.
Bha does not live to please the eye
With fragile loveliness,
But common ways to sanctify,
And bumble hearts to bless.
In purling is the stream not wise?
In carolling the birrlf
Ay I so Is she in sacrifice,
And smile and loving word.
Israel Jordan, in Youths Companion.
MY SPEECH.
After two seasons of hard toil, and
two winters spent in the cold seclusion
of those Colorado Monntains, we gave
up our silver mine and abandoned the
claim. I was quite ready to return. Two
years away from a razor, two years of
bacon, beans, syrup and canned corn;
two years of struggle wiih sour dough;
two years spent at an altitude where it
takes six hours' boiling to cook potatoes
(astoning phenomenon to every tender
foot) cured my mining fever for evermore.
I joined that great procession which
the railroads never advertise, the dis
gusted ones returning East or West from
those silver lodes with twisted back bones
and empty pockets.
Home again I learned, to my amaze
ment, that Cousin Brooks, one of the
most stupid boys that ever gaped over
his books, had just become Governor of
the State 1
When I went West to find an opening
for my money, Brooks was a sedate, hard
working lawyer. I never supposed he
would earn his salt.
After becoming tolerably well ac
quainted with mother again, and the
boys, and making brief vain quest for
employment, I took a run up to the capi
tol one day to see Brooks. He greeted
me cordially. lie always did like me. I
suppose because I used to help him out
in his lessons, between thrashings, al
though upon leaving school I bore a re
morseful feeling that I had been unmer
ciful to poor Brooks.
lie was in his official apartment at the
state room, a lofty room with frescoed
ceiling, huge plate windows, elaborate
furniture, library, and elegant writing
desks. He was sequestered by ante
rooms and guarded by ushers, but I went
straight through to his presence without
a check, while the clerks stared in sur
prise. This was because I so resembled
Brooks that I came upon them like an ap
parition, for he and I were of similar
form behind the same ancestral nose.
Greeting over:
"And how are the mines, Chug?"
"They are still there."
"You have made your fortune West, I
hope!"
"No. The West did pretty well. I
didn't. The West kept all I took there."
He looked at me doubtfully. Brooks
never quite understood my way of talk
ing. Yet I speak clear classic English,
always.
"You haven't lost every cent, Chug?"
"Oh no. If I can sell my mine for a
hundred thousand I am all right."
"Is is good for anything?"
"Not that I know of."
"Hum!" Brooks was a fine looking
fellow, large, portly, benignant. A kind
hearted man, somewhat changed since I
saw him last. He had aged greatly, far
more than I, notwithstanding all the
vicissitudes and bacon I had undergone.
He seemed more serious, more fatherly,
and appeared tired. He looked at me
with something of the old appeal in his
face.
"Stay here and help me, Chug. I had
to discharge my secretary yesterday. He
was a schemer, more anxious to gain out
side friends than to do his duty by me.
I want somebody who is reliable. It pays
two thousand a year. Probably I can
put some perquisites in your way also."
As a kindness to Brooks I consented.
He led me over to a handsome work
desk charged with innumerable pigeon
holes, rolls of red tape, seal stamp, wax,
and other vital elements of government.
A pile of letters and documents already
burdened the slope.
I sat down before a half ream of
selected mail, my brief instructions being
for this heap: "Say no to every want, but
make a friend of every writer." This
mountainous task strained my early sab
bath school training severely. However,
I evolved a general letter applicable to
most of these cases and submitted it to
Brooks. He was good enough to praise
its conciliatory tact and gracious denial,
and I proceed to duplicate the form and
scatter No broadcast.
An hour latter Harold, our clerk, ap
peared at the door.
"Here is the prison delegation."
Brooks put down his documents and
straightened up with great concern.
"Let me see, what do they want? Chug,
there is a memorandum on your desk some
where." I searched and found the appointment
slip.
Tues., 11 M., Cedar County delegation to
urge amelioration of convicts.
Brooks ran his hand through his hair.
"Why do they bother me now! Why
can't they torture those fellows in the
Legislature, and after they get in their
bill come und ask of my upproval? Why
consume my time for un object so remote,
What shall I do with 'em Chug? I have
more work here already than I can finish
in good season."
"Do!" I exclaimed, rising energetically
and feeling something of the old scorn
for him, "why, man, let 'em in. Say:
'Fellow citizeus, I am proud to meet you;
glad to see the cause of our criminals en
listing the sympathy of such advocates,
and anything I can do to further the good
work, be assured I shall rejoice to do.
At the same time all government moves
by routine, and I must commend you to
the usual procedures. Secure Legislative
action affecting the ends you aim at, and
as I feel sure the object will be justifiable,
I shall take pleasure in signing your bill.'
That's all. Remain standing and let
TIONESTA, PA, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 1887.
them stand. Fidget to and fro from your
desk. Let them know you are in a hurry,
although courteous, ana get rid of 'em
quick."
"Cedar connty," mused Brooks. "I
don't know anybody up here likely to be
in this delegation- Chug, you look a good
deal like me. You may receive these
pcple and act as Governor."
"JNo, thank you!" said I, bolting to my
desk and catching up my pen.
"Hallo?" cried Brooks, with slow sar
casm, "you can brag, but not perform,
eh?"
This blunt reply stung me. It was
3uite unlike the Brooks of my school
ays. I used to pride myself on superior
force. It would never do to let him find
me lacking nerve, or my old ascendency
would vanish wholly. So I promptly rose
again.
"Why, I can receive the delegation if
you really want me to Brooks, but "
"All right, Chug, you may receive
them. Treat them well. That will give
me time to go over this paper, and I must
do it before noon."
I was somewhat ngitatcd. To confront
these fellows face to face grew every in
stant more disagreeable to me. For two
years I hail rusted in the mines. Proba
bly this delegation contained, preachers,
lawyers, practiced spokesmen,' to answer
whom would require more than mere au
dacity. But Harold stood looking on
perplexed, and Brooks himself was peer
ing up from his papers with a covert
smile. I put a bold face on it.
"Here, Harold, help me put these
chairs in the private room." And I seized
an arm chair in each hand.
Harold looked at Brooks with aston
ishment and protest.
"You win need the chains, of course,"
he said.
"No, I'll make 'cm stand. I'll soon
get rid of the prison delegation," I cried
emphatically. Brooks nodded, and Har
old unwillingly joined in removing every
chair to the inner apartment, save the
ones which Brooks and I had occupied.
"Now bring 'em," said I, and while
Harold was gone I threw off my coat,
untied my neck-band, put my watch in
open sight upon the desk, and took a
pen, freshly dipped in ink.
"I'll let these fellows know that time
is precious ! " I said decisively, looking
down at Brooks.
The door opening from the ante-room
swung on it3 hinges. Harold appeared
upon the threshold. He gave a look of
dismay as he saw me in my shirt-sleeves,
but I stood erect and firm. There was a
rustling of silks, a prophetic fragrance,
soft murmuring voices, and then a bevy
of ladies flowed suddenly into the
room. I stared dumbfounded.
' 'Great 1 er ladies ! "
I dropped my pen, sprang to my coat,
and plunged my arms frenziedly into the
sleeves.
"Excuse me, ladies, I , I had for
gotten the , the sex of your delega
tion , it is such a hot day "
I fumbled my necktie. The horrible
fear came over that I had failed to comb
my hair that morning. Mother accused
me of rank neglect since my return from
Colorado. But I caught sight of a dis
tracted phantom in the mirror ; happily,
my hair, though somewhat browsy, bore
suggestions of combing.
"Governor," said Harold gravely, "Let
me introduce Mrs. Minor, the head of
the delegation."
Now I ought to have bowed in a state
ly way and said : "Madame, I am happy
to meet you and to find that prison re
form enlists advocates at once so fair and
capable."
But I did not say this. I observed that
Mrs. Minor was a tall, matronly lady,
with gray hair, Roman features and pale
complexion, very stylishly dressed in
black, with white lace about her throat
and wrists. I observed that her compan
ions were mostly elderly, well-bred, taste
fully attired, self-possessed and eminently
ladylike. At the rear were some younger
women, notably one brunette, with flash
ing black eyes, wearing a broad-brimmed
hat, with a rich red plume und a brocaded
dark red velvet dress, with a profusion of
ribbons. She looked demurely over the
shoulders of her companions directly into
my eyes, and I, but just returned from
such a long exile, unused to feminine
proximity, was instantly bereft of all
senses.
I Btood irresolue. Mrs. Minor also
stood a moment hesitating. Then as I
made a halting movement forward she
held out her gloved hand, which I shook
awkwardly.
"We ought to be old friends," said I,
glancing at Brooks, who buried his head
in documents, while his chair shook sus
piciously, "for I was a miner myself un
til" The appalling reflection that in my im
personation as Governor ull reference to
my Colorado experience was out of place,
now tripped the remark. I added, to
complete the sentence: "Until I become
of age."
Brooks glanced up with agony in his
face, a look which conjured me whatever
else I did by all the gods not to profane
his identity through such abhorrent
puns.
Mrs. Minor introduced her companions
to me. " Mrs. Griffin, Miss Minx, Mrs.
Quaker ;" and she went through the
group, standing a little aside so as to
keep the ladies and myself in our re
spective places. I felt perspiration
trickle over my brow as I bowed to Miss
Mulwine, the brunette, who was the last
one presented. A desperate desire to do
something gallant came over me.
" Take seats, ladies; sit down. Er
Harold, where are the chairs? Bring in
the chairs, sir! The chairs ought always
to be here."
Harold winked, put one hand over his
jaws and staggered into the back room.
He did not reappear, but handed forth
the chairs behind the partly open door
without showing his couuteuetice. Then
I heard him go out into the ante-room bv
way of the back corridor, and became
conscious, from the bhufllinj; feet, that
he had posted all the clerks against the
communicating door so that they would
overhear my speech.
There were not chairs enough for the par
ty, so I took the chair from my desk and
placed it for Miss Mulwine. I remained
standing before them.
" Mr. Governor, we have come to ask
your co-operation in ameliorating the
condition of our convicts."
Here was another great opportunity. If
I had kept my head ; if that paralyzing
brunnette had not eyed me so steadily, I
might have said :
"Ladies, the condition of our convicts
has long enlisted my anxious study.
Nothing stirs my sympathy; nothing
seems to me of greater importance than
improvement in facilities for their com
fort and moral welfare. Any practical
mpasure which you have matured will
command my cordial support."
But I didn't say that. Instead, I re
plied :
"Yes, there is too much laxity. Those
frequent escapes remind me of our expe
rience in Colorado. A drunken miner
shot a fellow one night, and the sheriff
took him to the Town Jug and locked
him up. The jug was only a log build
in set in the hillside. He got out so
quick that he met the sheriff: on his re
turn in front of the Welcome Ear, and
asked him to stop in and take a drink.
Then the crowd carried him off to the
nearest tree. He didn't get away that
time."
"Perhaps you do not quite understand
us," said Mrs. Miner, gravely. She un
folded a large package and disclosed a
mass of papers, "Here are the petitions,
circulated in every church in our county
and signed by all the best people, asking
that greater social and religious privi
leges be extended to our criminals."
"You don't get them up as handy as
we did in Colorado," I rejoined. "When
we had our struggle for the county seat
we strung the petition on an old wringer
frame so we could roll it up with, a
crank."
Brooks gave a loud "hem!" I looked
across. He was glaring at me in warning
wrath, and again I recollected that these
Colorado reminiscences were inopportune.
I started around, caught the unfathom
able eyes of that marvelous brunette, and
lapsed into hopeless incapacity.
"Pardon me for interrupting you, Gov
ernor," said Brooks, in a cool, earnest
voice, which at once commanded silence
and attention. "But it is fitting these
ladies should know that their petition
ought to be givoa to their representative,
and he should press for appropriate leg
islation. Until that time this office is
powerless to act."
3Irs. Minor replied: "Oh, we quite
understand that. We only wished to
show the petitions for a moment here as
evidence of their popularity, and ascer
tain the Governor's feelings toward the
movement."
"Entirely favorable, madam," said I.
"Then we will bid you good day and
withdraw. I know your time is valu
able. Many thanks for your kindness."
They bowed. The clerks scattered in
the ante-room and the ladies retired
gracefully, while I stood stupid, not yet
recovered from the surprise of their ar
rival. The door closed behind them.
There was silence a moment. Brooks
sat with his back turned. He lifted up
a page of manuscript and remarked with
flattering emphasis :
"Chug, you made a beautiful speech."
"Oh, shut up! shut up!" I cried wild
ly, throwing myself into a chair.
Brooks's fortitude suddenly gave way.
ne cost himself forward - on his desk and
laughed hilariously. He rose and bowed
himself shrieking over a chair. He
dropped full length upon the sofa, on top
of the pamphlets, helpless and uproari
ous. He ha-ha-ed all over the office and
crowded me with his outrageous mirth.
When at last he was completely exhaust
ed he sat down and faced me, quizzi
cally. It dawned upon my mind that Brooks
and I had changed positions ; that the
superior force of character, perhaps, now
was his; that the coolness in emergencies
which is the test of strength, was most
manifest in him. Inspired in this dis
covery, and by this occasion, I justly re
marked :
"I believe I am the biggest fool of all
our state officers."
Ere I had concluded I became aware
that the door was open. A perfume of
jockey-club floated to my senses. Harold,
grinning, had shown in the beautiful
brunette, and she was upon the threshold,
looking and listening.
"Did I leave my parasol?" she asked
sweetly.
Harold picked it from the floor for her.
She bowed and went away.
Once more Brooks hung himself in
festoons over all the furniture, entirely
careless of his own reputation in the
matter. When this unseemly mirth sub
sided he came to me where I sat with
moist brow, clasped in both hands up
right before my desk, and said sooth
ingly :
"Never mind. Chug. Life is but a
succession of mistakes, with tho best of
us."
"Yes," I replied. "So far as I am con
cerned, I begin to observe that. "
A Chinese gentleman, bearing the sim
ple name of A.urizawa Ryochi Nichoma
Sanjukanboz Kioboshi-Ku, has discovered
the secret of photographing in natural
colors. It is hoped he will not, in imita
tion of Daguerre, christen the new pro
cess with his own name. Think of going
to a photographer and telling him you
want a dozen Azurizawaryoi hininiehoma
sanjukanbozkiobashikuotypes taken !
There are 149 American students in tho
University of Berlin, nine studying
theology, five law, forty-seven medi
cine, hfiy-'ight philosophy, twenty-scviu
mathematics and natural science, and two
political science.
$1 50 PER ANNUM
MR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
WHAT HE SAID TO HER IN PUBLIC
AND IN PRIVATE.
Patting the Bout Side Before Vlsltora
Mrs. Bowser Ventilates Her Do
mestic Grievances.
I suppose that Mr. Bowser is like tho
majority of men in putting his best side
before the public. The other morning
when he left the house he knew that baby
was sick, I had a headache and the cook
was disabled by cutting her hand on a
piece of glass. I had told him that we
were out of butter and coffee and pota
toes, and he said he would stop and order
them. Once on the car he had forgot all
about it, and at half past 11, meeting an
old schoolmate, he insisted.
"Now you come right up to dinner
with me. I want you to see my house
and my family and have a visit."
"But your wife won't be expecting
company."
"Oh, you come right along. My wife
and my house are always ready for any
visitors I may bring home, and your pres
ence won't cause us an iota of embarrassment-"
At 11 o'clock I told Jane to pick up
any sort of dinner for Mr. Bowser, and at
12 Mr. Bowser and his friend entered the
house. Leaving him in the parlor, Mr.
Bowser rushed in on me with :
"Get into your Sunday clothes as soon
as possible dress the baby up tell cook
to have three kinds of meat send for a
waiter to wait on the table, and run
through the room and pick up things."
"Mr. Bowser, have you been idiot
enough to bring some one home to din
ner?" "Of course I have. What is there
wrong about that, I'd like to know?"
"Well, where are the groceries you
were to order?"
"Groceries? I I forgot!"
"Jane can't use but one hand, while I
should faint away if I tried to dress.
You'll have to take him to a hotel."
"Never! When I invite a man to par
take of my hospitality I'll never skulk
him off to a hotel ! It is a pretty state of
affairs that my house is all upset in this
manner at this time. Mrs. Bowser, you
and I must have a reckoning! I'll be
hanged if I put up with, such conduct as
this i"
And then he returned to the parlor and
I heard him :
"Will, old fellow, I find a note from
my Birdie (that's me) stating that she has
taken the little angel (that's our wall
eyed baby) over to her sisters lor the day.
and our idiot of a cook didn't expect me
home and has no dinner ready. We'll
have to go down to the restaurant."
"That's all right. You've got a beau
tiful home here."
"And the nicest little wife, and the
prettlst baby in all the world !" exclaimed
Sir. Bowser, as he slapped his leg.
And the other evening as we sat by our
selves he suddenly inquired:
" Was a man here to-day to see about
selling me some fruit trees?"
" Why, no. What on earth do you
want of fruit trees f"
"What does any one want of fruit
trees? I suppose your advice would be to
surround our premises with a line of bass
woods." " But where can we put 'em?"
"We? shall set them out on this
lot, of course. I might just as well be
raising $500 worth of choice fruits each
season as to raise nothing but grass and
weeds."
" Well, I suppose you'll have your own
way."
"Oh, you do! Well, if you can con
vince me that the way of one born in
Coon Hollow, brought up on johnny cake
and educated in a 10x12 log schooihouse
is better than mine I'll adopt it!"
Just then the doorbell rang, and he
went through to the door. Some friends
had come to spend the evening, and Mr.
Bowser greeted them with.
"Hip! hurrah! Well, this u a genu
ine godsend, und no mistake! Pussie
(that's me) und I were just wishing some
body would drop in."
I entered the parlor after two or three
minutes and hint scarcely welcomed the
visitors, when Bowser patted me affec
tionately on the shoulder ami said:
"Now, cherub (that's me), run and
bring our litte darling (that's our wall
eyed) and show him off. lie's just the
sweetest, cutest, nicest little rose-bud in
all this world, and everybody admits it."
We played cards and had lunch, and
during the evening Mr. Bowser called
me Daisy, Pansy, Sweetie, Darling and
many other fond names, and when the
subject of diamonds happened to be
mentioned he exclaimed:
"By George! that reminds me! Say,
deary, we are to go down to Smith's at 10
o'clock to-morrow and have you select
the stones for your ear-rings."
When 11 o'clock came and the last
guest hail been bowed off the door-step,
the mammoth grin which had hovered
over .Mr. Bowser's face all the evening
disappeared like a flash, and he turned
on me with:
"Now, then, Mrs. Bowser, you got
that gang in here to break up my even
ing and eat and drink out of my pocket,
and if you see another new dude inside
of six months you just ring me up by
telephone." Ih trait t'rre Pnss.
The slaughter of lobsters at Prince
Edward Inland is something astonishing.
There were exported the past season Ul.OllO
cases, mostly to Europe, which involved
the killing of ;).", OoO.uoo ln.-iers.
Before the adoption of the fusee in
1500, watch movements were made en
tirely of steel, then brass was adopted for
one thing and then another, until steel
was used for pinions alone.
The American Minufiiturer thinks
iron blocks may yet be used with ad
vantage for city street paving instead cf
stone or wood.
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
One 9qnara, one Inch, one Insertion..........! I M
One) Somre, one Inch, one month I 00
(me Manure, one Inch, three month - i 0
One Square, one inch, one year , 10 00
Two Sqnarea, onyear II 00
Quarter Column, one year. W 00
Half Column, one year M 00
One Colamn, one year ............. ..100 M
Leiral lcrUifli?n t ten ceiua jer Una eeea In
ertion.
Marriajre and death noticea gratia.
All bills for yearly adrertieementa collected qnar.
trly. Temporary adveruaemeau moat fee paia In
advance.
ink work caah oa delivery.
SOLITUDE.
Kot In the deepest tangles of the wood,
The turtle's haunt, the timid squirrel's la!r;
Not on the ocean beaches, rough and bar
With never-ending battles, unsubdued
La war of winds and waters hoar and rude;
Not in the mountain pa.sses, where the air
Sobs low, and life is hke a long despair
Thy home is not in these, O Solitudel
But in the busy concourse, long and loud.
Where not one pulso of human sympathy
Beats through the grasping spirits of the
crowd
Where each is rapt in snatching greedily
His brother's portion 'neath a shallow
shroud,
We know thy truest haunt and weep for
thee.
Arthur L. Salmon, in Chambers's Journal.
HUMOR OF TIIE DAT.
An unsteady man, like an unsteady
light, is apt to go out nights. Burlington
Free Press.
No true musician will verbally ask a
girl to marry him. He will propose by
note. Merchant Traveler
"Where is the ideal wife?" ask. a
prominent lecturer. In the cellar split
ting kindling, most likely. Philadelphia
Call.
"They never throw anything away In
New England," T. B. Aid rich said to me
one day; "they always put it up in the
attic." St. Nicholas.
There is a man in Cedar Rapids that
has such a weak and bony horse that
when it lies down he has to give it bak
ing powder in order to have it rise.
Electric Light.
"What's the difference between a piano
and a gun, Charley?" asked a young wife
of her non-musical husband. "A gun
kills the quickest, that's all," was the
staccato response. Danville Breeze.
AN EARLY SPRING POEM.
Id the sprig the yon bad's eds he frequently
prodoudecs ed,
For the sprig is just the tibe for idfluedza of
the bead.
Life.
A new volume just issued is entitled
"The Anatomy of Money." We trust an
entire chapter is devoted to the vocal
organs, to show how and why it is that
money talks and what it says. Philadel
phia Press.
"It strikes me," said a city and county
hall man yesterday, "that we do not
want any war with Canada. When we
were drafted in 1861-4 we knew where
to go, but in case of trouble with Canada
where could we go?" Buffalo Courier.
There are 18,000 operatives engaged in
the collar and cuff trade at Troy, N. Y.,
at a pay-roll expense of $7,000,000 a year,
and in spite of this no one of them has
succeeded in turning out a collar that
won't saw its wearer's ears after the third
laundry visit. Tid-Bits.
Oht softly the lover did lute on his lute,
loeath the pale gentle light of the moon.
But he swiftly turned ana began to scoot
When he noticed the dangerous, large-sized
boot
Of the man who came too soon.
Alas, too soon.
Merchant- Traveler
A Bed of Adders.
Mrs. Allen Cushing, who, with her hus
band, has been engaged in missionary
work in Burmah for many years, in ad
dressing the Foreign Missionary Union at
the anniversary meeting, told the follow
ing incident of life in that wild coun
try: "We had been traveling through
the country away from any settlement for
several days," she said, "and one after
noon, when it was unadvisuble to pro
ceed further that day, feeling very tired
I threw a blanket upon a pile of dead
leaves and lay down to have a quiet nap.
I had hardly closed my eyes when, feeling
something crawling on me, I looked to
find with horror that it was a deadly
brown adder. The reptile was nearly five
feet long, and ho was sliding slowly across
me. To move or cry out would have been
instant death, so I determined to lie per
fectly still and pretend to be without life.
Closing my eyes und holding my breath I
waited until the udder crawled slowly
along and over my face. His cold, slimy
body in touching my face produced such
a sensation that it was nearly more than I
could do to remain passive, but I man
aged to do so until the reptile had gotten
away some distance, and then I jumped
up and screamed just like a woman. The
coolies and my husband ran to my assist
ance, and when they stirred up the
leaves on which I had made my bed ad
ders came squirming out in ull directions.
It seems that I had laid myself directly
on a nest of them." PhiludelphUi Bulle
tin. 140 Elephants Captured at Once.
Mr. Sanderson, Superintendent of
Government Khcdduhs, succeeded oil the
!4th in capturing an immense herd of
elephants, numbering no fewer than 140.
This is the largest capture on record, and
represents, it is estimated, about a lakh
of rupees. The scene of the capture is
only six miles from the Tura headquar
ters station of the Gam hills. The stock
ade in which the elephants are enclosed
is immensely strong, but is being further
strengthened against pressure of so many
powerful animals by being packed up
with powerful timber supports, while an
extra stockade is being prepared into
which some of the elephants may be ad
mitted before the tying up process with
tame elephants commences.
The main stockade is literally tightly
packed with elephants of all sizes,
t'ulouel Graham Smith, Coimnissurv-
General, who is paying an odicial visit to
the Kheddahs, was, u li li .Mrs. Graham
Smith, fortunate enough to he present at
this most exciting capture, and to wit
ness u scene line. puled ill Khtddah
operations. Unfortunately, during the
drive, out' lc phant, breaking buck, es
caped, and in doing so killed one of the
hunters. CaLutta L'.hi'uAiiuih.