THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
U published (very Wednesday, by
J. E. WENK.
Office la Smearbangh & Co.'. Building
Ut STREET, TIONESTA, Pa,
Term.. . . . II.BO perTttr.
celTed ,or
nmnnlcatlona. 01 """ljmons
v
Willi,
VOL. III. NO. 47.
TIONESTA, PA, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 23. 1887.
A prominent Baltimore physician est!
mates that 100 bodies are used every
winter for dissection by the 6S medical
ttudenta in that city, half of which, he
thinks, are stolen from the city grave
yards. It is stated that Louisiana, Mississippi,
Arkansas, Missouri and Tennessee have
expended $61,375,000 for leveeing low
lands on the Mississippi, amounting to
23,762,000 acres, with a population of
1,925,723, that produces annually ii"Ti-
culturat products amounting in value to
f .3,723,000.
Professor Humphrey's investigation of
me physical condition and habits of cen
tenarians shows that out of fifteen males
even smoked mmh, one smoked a little
uu eoven uia not smoke at all. Anions
n . . .
"eniy-eignt female', four smoked much
one a little, ono moderately and twenty
two none at all ; two used snuff.
Four prosperous citizens of New York
earn their livelihood as doctors for the
lap-dogs of rich women. As a rule, the
only medicine they use is starvation.
They fling the dear pets into barred
boxes, and deprive them of food for four
days, having found out that the usual
trouble with pet dogs is that they are
fed extravagantly and improperly.
In a paper on the eclor of eyes in
France, M. Topinard has called atten
tion to the extreme rarity of greenish
yes in Europe, only six cases having
been observed by Professor Yirchow in
6,000,000 Germans. With us a green
eyed person must bo fully as uncommon
a sight. Yet Chinese annals record that
green eyes abound in parts of Asia, and
Pallas notes that they ae met with in
Siberia.
i. writer mat anadian pa,KT, speak
ing oi ine possibilities of pulp as a sub
titute for lumber in the manufacture of
furniture and other articles now exclu
ively made of wood, calls attention to
. the resources afforded by northern Can
ada for the best pulp-making woods. It
u found that in some localities the for
jests are now at the best age for pulping
purposes, and capable of yielding from
forty to one hundred an J twenty cords
per acre, if the whole of the timber wire
utilized. By mixing the pulp with clays,
tcalite, asbestos, plumbago, mica, etc.,
substances of every possible color and
compactness may be produced.
A report has been returned by the
Government relative to the amount of
forests consumed in this country to sup
ply railroad ties. We have at present
150,000 miles of railroad and the report
is based upon the return from 01 per
cent, of the roads. From this report we
tind that, allowing the ties to be renewed
once in seven years, there will be ic
quired for this purpose and for the sup
ply of new roads from year to year, the
timber from 5t.,,7H acres. As thirty
years will be necessary to renew the
growth, we must set aside as a "railroad
reserve" a tract of woodland embracing
16,971,420 acres to supply the necessary
timber for ties or an area larger than
Vermont, New Hampshire and Massa
chusetts combined.
BETWEEN WINTER AND SPRING
That weary time that comes between
The last snow ami the earliest green I
One barren clod the wide fields lie,
And all our comfort is the sky.
We know the sap fs in the tree
That life at buried roots must be;
Yet dreary is the earth we tread.
As if her very soul were dead. .
Before the dawn the darkest hour!
The blank and chill before the flower!
Beauty prepares this background grey,
Whereon her loveliest tints to lay.
Ah, J alienee! ere we dream of it,
Springs fair new gospel will be writ
Look up! good only .-an befall.
While heaven is at the heart of all!
Lucy Larcom, iti Youth g Companion.
AFTER 'NIGHT THE DAWN.
not once thought of the difference in
their circumstances, for he was rich as
she was poor.
Now she had heard her name coupled
with the obnoxious terms "adventuress"
and "fortune hunter." and the prophecy
that "if Mr. Carlton marrhtf her he
would soon know, as did all others, that
it was his wealth that won her."
She did not know that the remark had
been made expressly for her ear, had
been made, too, with theunuttered hope
that its barbed bit terness rTiifrht mnVU
in her heart, for had she not dared to,
kindly but unmistakablv, refuse the at
tentions of the speaker's son?
Keenly sensitive to the nnlninrn nf
others, she might vet have dared their
censure, if this latter gucuestion hud not
given her pause. She loved him so trulv
iie couia not bear that he should think
of her, even for a moment. as sl, th,,,,.hf
of Harry Vance; better that thev should
part, at once and forever. This was
what she had told herself, ao-air, .d
again, every hour of that long day and
night. J
"If she Was Sure, ntiife anr. " aim fnlrl
herself, "that her wiiiincmes. t ..,.,-...
him had not been caused, in part, at
least, and almost uncoosciously to herself,
by her intense hatred of
teathing, she would not triv thoimt
to what other might think, or say, b it
she must be sure, quite sure, herself,
then' but the day had been so weary
ing. she was so tired, she must hr
to think it all out. Hut tim.LU
destined not to have, for scarcely had
the echoes of the shout n. th
cipated urchin died away in the distance
when Mr. Carlton came un to the .,n.
painiea pine desk, where the youn
teacher sat with her head bowed upon
her hand.
Her face was so pale, and she did not
look up and smile as she was wont to do:
her whole attidude was so suggesive of
weariness, if not of dispair, she Was such
a wee morsel of humanity, and he was so
strong and manly, that somehow, before
he well knew what he Was SftVlnv Isa u-ot.
telling her his passionate longing' to take
her into his arms and shield her hence- 1 .tion the loss of sight is
The door of the country school-room
closed behind the last noisy pupil, and
the young teacher was alone. She
bowed her head wearily upon her hand,
and looked around the bare, comfortless
room, with its hard benches, curtainless
windows, and rusty, broken stove, with
a shudder of disgust.
There were days -and this had been
onewhen every tber of her sensitive
being shrank from association with the
motley crowd of urchins, and from con
tact with the dirfv. rl,.,.-....,r,,i ,
the grim v desks, ami iinrr ..ii.. v...l
snc never allowed thes tjm,.. :
. v i.ii.J vV 111"
nuemeher; the duties of her nnsitinn
were conscientiously performed, the
more So, perhaps, because they were so
disagreeable.
She had dismissed nr.nl n
earlier to-day. ostensibly to enable her to
correct the compositions hnndp.i in
to-morrow's reading; really because she
had seen Hoy Carlton drive bv, and
knew that he would return to ask her
company for an hour's drive behind his
handsome bavs: and she nm. M
self that she would because she must
refuse henceforth and forever, all things
mas ne migut ask of her; and she
wished to have a little time , .fr .,.,
herself, to "have lier dark hour unseen,"
before she should shut the gate forever
between that world of ease and happi
ness, and, more than all else, of Boy's
love, and her werld of poverty, loneli
ness and sorrow.
. he uld not help but love him, he
bad laid so many drifts of sunshine
across her otherwise shadowed pathway
had been such a rock of refuge in her
desert of friendlessness, since she came
over a year ago, to this dreary little vil
Iage to earn her living by teaching
cue uuci not clioseu this
Because
because
... unu mere seemed to be no place
fnr hep . 1 ...... 1. .. . i ,
"v v.omucic iu me ranKs
era.
. .u slrons o loitow it steadfastly to the
grim fiend of poverty; she had, until ensure npues might
two years before, "fed on the roses, and . -v ,
lam in the lilies of life." Then cimo n , v month after his rejection
the death of her father, followed almost 1 y , hls atI:lirs in tho hands f his
immediately bv that of her mofn, , steward, to whom he gave power of at-
she was left unprepared to face the world torney aad went a7 to the city. A
alone. , year passed, and the dUbone-t steward
Her father's wealth, which she alwavs ; urmnS everything except the Carlton
fact is, I am thinking of getting mar
ried." 6 K
"Ellice," he said, brokenlv, "it was
cruel to come here to tell me that. Did
you think I had still any hopes that you
cared for me. that you sbould come
here to kill them with that announce
ment?'" "'o." she replied, and then, as no
other words would come, sat staring
helplessly at the pale face, as he leaned
against the cushions of his chair. Pres
ently she arose and stood beside him,
letting her fingers toy with the cri3p'
dark curls that shaded his brow.
"Hoy," she whispered, hurrvimr intn
speech, lest her courage should" fail,
"Hoy, don't vou know tht I in.. .l
better than any one else in the world? I
loved vou then, but T lw
hundred times more now. My life has
been one loDg regret ever since. I came
here to-day to ask you to marry me.
Don t refuse me, Hoy. I have suffered
enough for my mistake and I love
you."
"Oh! Ellice," he cried, between pain
and pleasure, "how can I consent? It
would be such a sacrifice."
I know it, Hoy." she answered, will
fully misunderstanding him, "when you
are worthy of the best woman living
but only let me be vour wife, und T w?ii
irjr so nara to make you happy."
"I am blind." he murmured
lessly.
$1 50 PER ANM
f A TYPICAL SWELL DINNER. '
i
' HOW ONE WAS GIVEN BY "EX-
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
One Sqoare, one Inch, one Insertion. f 1 W
One Square, one Inch, one month..... t 00
One Sq-iare, one In ft, three months. i UV
One square, one Inch, one year , 10 p
Two Squares, one year u 00
Qnar'.er Column, one year so 00
Half Column, one year gg M
One Column, one year 100 to
Lerral alrrtnei!nt tea ctan Ker ua eaa ta
r'on.
Marrage and death noticea gratia,
All biilf for yearly adrertiwrnenta collected oner,
advance rarl dTmlMnieB's pala id
Job work esab on delivery.
CLTJSIVE" NEW TOHKEH8.
finest'
ArtJst
, " r r j '
he murmured, hope-
Let me be your eyes. Oh I Roy," she
sobbed, turning away and covering her
face with her hands, "don't send me
away. I cannot bear it. I cannot live
without yo;i."
He was silent for a moment tViPn K.
arose and turned toward her.
"It seems unmanly to accept your sac
nfiVe, EMce.'' he cried, "but my life is
so dark, and," his voice grew infinitely
tender, "I love you so, come to me, lit
tle one," holding out his arm', "for I
cannot see you."
Then, as he clasped her to his heart,
and kissed the warm lips so near his own,
he whispered :
I never knew before what a depriva-
forth from every discomfort.
ene looked up then, with something
of the look the hunter sometimes sees in
the eyes of a wounded doe, looked up
and crushed the hope out of his heart
with a cold refusal.
Then came, for her, the slow agony of
llvl"S o?. day after day, knowing that
she had in that one hour of weakness i.a
I aii mat made life worth living: of
Ana how s ion can we be married,
darling?" he asked, as she was about to
leave him,
"Whenever you wish, Roy," she re
plied. "Really?"
"Yes, really," she answered.
"To-day, then," said he, promptly.
vi, wui, uub uuilb ho irtnn a that
She Said lau?hin(r -Knf ;n
walking daily through the furnace of perhaps; yes, two weeks from to-day "
trial, with the ghost of her dead hopes ! . be an age," he declared, kiss-
iug iiL-r goon-Dye, "lor I cannot even
write to you."
But he did.
A week later she received a few lines
from him. The words were blotted and
the letters, uneven, but she did not think
of that, for he wrote :
"Vou brought me si?ht. T
tinguish the shape of the paper upon
which I write, and I live in hones that
ever reproachim? her with th
that put an eud to their bright, but brief
existence.
So two years drifted hv nl
he lik, "r'fVr sheVdid n0o?' b,1 that t7
she felttha'thfs prenar I "Ll.P'T ie .f
. i r , .uiv oam.uuiag3; learned to do a law
'T y i i unV ,;erseI1. ald, once having chosen a
v. painway. Knowing it to be right, grew
Sl.nnt(.l..J.l...... ... .. ""US l IO110W
in hopes that
dear ft.ee.
And that hope was not vain.
when we meet I shall h nhia au
v WWV jum
, The French Academy of Medicine has
, had an animated discussion on the Pas-
teur system, in which both members and
auditors showed as much party passion
as is displayed at political meetings. M.
Peter gave details of five deaths among
M. Pasteur's hydrophobia patients, ap
parently due to the paralytic form of
rabies, that is to say, to the f Vteur, not
to the canine, virus. On the other side
it was stated that of 2,f.82 persons
treated up to the end of last year, only
thirty-one had died, ten of these being
among the 186 persons bitten in the face
or head. No death, moreover, had oc
curred among the fifty of those lijij per
sons to whom the intensive treatment
had been applied. As in most discus
sions, each of the two parties adhered to
its original opinion.
Thirty-three thou-and readers of an
English newspaper competed recently
for a prie offered for tje be;t list of the
greatest twelve nmonsr living men. The
results of this competit;on are somewhat
curious. Mr. tiladstone led the polls,
receiving 32,544 votes, while liismarck
got 32,245. Tennyson camu third, with
23,064, and l.e Lesseps fourth, with
19,776. The remaining eight members
ef the great dozen, as determined by
this election, are Lord Wolseley, the
Marquis of Salisbury, Count Yon Moltke,
John ISright, Lord Randolph Churchill,
John Ru-kin, Heury Irving, arid Henry
M. Stanley. For the last place among
the twelve, Stanley and Pasteur were
almost neck and neck, the explorer beat
ing the hydrophobiosopher by less than
thirty votes. It will be observed that
there is no American among the greatest
twelve, unless Stanley is counted as an
American. ,
supposed from their htyle of living to be
amrle. faded awav hf,.r )-, .T i.
or his creditors like snow in the sDrino-.
time. Her high sense of honor woufd
not allow her to hold back even the old
homestead and household fnrnit., .
dear from the association rincon.
around it, and reserving but one or two
orticles, she allowed the rest, even her
piano, to be gold.
Her summer friends drifted away one
by one, and .she noted their departure
with scarcely a sigh over their defection.
Was it because she realized of how little
worth was their evanescent friendship?
or had her heart, suffering a
wound, bciomedead to the smartin-' of
these lesser hurts
Harry Yance had been her ideal of a
gentleman. She Lad cherished for him
a strong friendship, which, before her
father' dea h, had bidden fair to ripen
into loe; his attentions had been very
lover-iike, and this small world in which
the two moved had a ready, iu imagina
tion, coupied their names together, when
the clouds of misfortune .-hrouded her;
and he, with some trite sentences of con
dolence upon his tongue, had stepped
nimbly out of their shadow, probably
congratulating hime!f that he had cot
poue do iar Dut what it was still
recede.
easy to
She sighed, not for him, but for her
shattered ideal, when she saw that he
sought out a shallow, brainless favorite
of fortune, and sought bv a vigorous
courtship to obtain her hand in marriage
and possession of the property he knew
she held iu her own right, and in that 1
sighevhaled the last lingering perfume
of the friendship Kllice lirav had felt
not lor Harry Yance, butfort'he man she
had imagined him to be; and in its place
grew loathing and contempt for Harry
vane, the fortune hunter, iiitensi.led an !
hundred fold, when, lat.T, bhe heard of
the debts and duns that
pathway. For, strictlv upri-htaud hon
orable heiself, she could tolerate no dU
honesty in others, and iu her vocabulary
thett and debt without means or intt
tion of payn eut were synonymous terms
-Many a heart is i aulit in tho
bound" proved true in this case, for Kl
lice had came to this little village to lo-e
the heart that had never really been in
Ham s keening.
She knew Rov would ask her to .;
wife, and she had allowed herself to
dream of how hippy she could be with
him; with what a blessed sense of rp,t
and peace she could creep into the shel
ter of his manly arms and lay her Lead
upon his loving brtast But now the
awakening had come, and the dream was
oyer. he had loved him to entirely for
himself, for that great, generous hetfrr nf
his that 6eemed bre enough to take in
ail mankind as brothers, ttat the had
mesteau into monev. iratiwrpH ut
booty and fled; and no one knew Roy's
address.
Ellice Gray knew nothing of this.
M hen vacation came she had given up
her s. hool, lor she could not stay where
everything reminded her of Roy. She
was teaching in a distant village, when
one morning the postman brought her a
letter which proved to be from a former
pupil in Shafton, Roy's home. It told
of the loss of his property, stated that he
had of late returned to his home; that
while in the city he had joined a volun
teer corpa of mea. end while In the
discharge tf hi J had Ixen stru k
on the .tt- . : r by a falling tim
ber.aud carr d aar .iijeusib e. "Anon
he revived,'' U tter went on to sav,
"he was baud The bysician talked of
paralysis of the optic" nerve, thought
taue, or electric treatment, when he had
somewhat recovered frtm the shock,
might be beneficial, but,"sa'd the letter
".Mr. Carlton doe not get better, he
seems to have last all interest in life."
Then the writer went on to give the
other news of the village, but Kllice did
not read it. Hastily she prepared for a
journey, aad when the next train left
the station, it bore her in the direction
of Shafton.
i The rosy blushes chased each other
over her otherwise pale cheeks whenever
she thought of her errand, but she did
not falter, even when she rang the bell
at the "Suuire's," and was ushered by
the prim housekeeper iu'o the emmr
parlor. Her heart beat tumultously as.
she heard the slow, uncertain step come
down the stairs, and the hand grope for
the knob of the door. He camu in and
closed the door, and then stood moving
his head from side to side, as if looking
for sous.'; one. 3
"I beg pardoin," he said at last, for
Elhee did not speak, "but does any one
wait to see me I am blind."
"Yes, Roy," KUice answered in a
choked voice, putting out her hand to
lead him to a seat, it was the first time
she had ever called him by h s given
name, mm uc saw ine Hum flash
his la e.
over
"Klhce, oh, my darling l" he ex
claimed, then he stammered, "forgive
me, Miss Gray, that I forgot for a "mo
ment It was very kiud of you to come."
1 f. ar you will thiuk the motive self-
iu, wueu i nave given vou my reasons
for coming," she replied, struggling
bravely for composure as she sat dow n
near him. Then, "the train leave in
two hours, and 1 must return, so you
w ill pardon me if 1 am somew hat abrupt
in naming my errand '"
"Certaiuly," he replied, courteously.
"Well," said his visitor, somewhat '
weakly, striving to gain time, now that
the decisive moment had come, "the j
Seeming Intoxication.
In no class of people does heredity do
a more disastrous work than in the de
scendants of drinkers, whether excessive
or moderate. A morbid appetite for.
liquor in such cases, with the disadvan
tage of an inherited nerve degeneration,
may manifest itself iu many terrible
forms. Among these many forms are
the ordinary symptoms of intoxication in
a per-on perfect y temperate. Dr. Croth
ers of Hartford, Conn., presents many
such case in a paper read before the
American Association for the Cure of
lueonaies, and published in the AUenUt
arU Zcrolojht. The first cases that at
tracted his attention were two boys, sons
of drunkards, in the Hartford Heaf and
lmuib Asylum, who had shown clear
signs of intoxication from their birth.
He was afterward surprised to find such 1
cases not uncommon. In some persons
the symptoms are present all the time :
either appearing at birth, or slowly de-
veloping with the growth of the child.
Most of such cases show other marked
indications of physical degeneration as
idiocy, imbecility, or bodily deformity.
In a second class of cases, almost any :
excitement is sufficient to bring on an
attack. This class may include persons
of average intellect, and even of genius.
In them the neurotic inerve) degenera- i
tion may, at a later date.end inimbeciiitv
or insanity. A farmer, fiftv-four years
old, a man of wealth and character j
whose father was a drunkard, but who 1
himself never u-ed any kind of spirits,
showed symptoms of intoxication after
meeting with an accident from a run
away horse. At the funeral of a child,
some months later, his family were
greatly mortified at his silly language,
staggering gait, and other markedly mpl
toms of intoxication. A year later a
similar attack followed the burning of
some buildings ou his farm.
There are similar cases in which the :
nerve degeneration is due, not to heredity, j
but to early habits of intoxication. A
noted temperance 1". turer, a total ab- ,
stainer for ten years or more, received J
while lecturing a despatch announcing j
mo jBiui unless i i uis daughter. He
drank a gla-sof water, became confused,
staggered, and was led from the stage
laughing and shouting in a maudlin way.
He had drank no spirits, but the au
dience supposed him intoxicated.
Yutltlil Coilllnlltilili.
Kill of Fare With Kuch
Portrait Drawn ty an
nat wit ir.aten.
In one of her New York letters Clara
Belle says: The anti-dance dinners are
careful affairs, it need scarcely be said,
for they are inevitably compared, con
trasted and discussed bv the truesta
j when they assemble immediately after-
ward. Mrs. William Waldorff Astor's
: dinner, on the last of these occasions, was
, for only twelve couples. The long table
had no cloth, the beautifully polished
i mahogany being bare, except for a strip
; of finely embroidered velvet through the
center, on which stood rare flowers in
i art vases and wax candles in elaborate
: candelabra. At each guest's place lay a
j hand-painted bill of fare, with his or
her name not on it. but instead a carica
; ture portrait, by meant of which loca
tions were made. Thee pictures did not
distort the faces, nor at all offensively ex
i aggerate any personal peculiarities, but
i were merely big heads on small
' bodies, and" altogether rather flat
! tering than otherwise. They were
i exquisitely drawn by some clever
, artist, and one who did not
: care to be known as having done
i such utilitarian work, for no mark of his
1 identity could be discovered on the cards.
To every lady was also provided a big
corsage bouquet, tied with satin ribbon to
harmonize with her toilet. A great va
riety of colors must have been providtd
beforehand and selections hastily bat ac
curately made by (some expert after the
arrivals, because no instance of a bad
match could be seen the table round. The
gentlemen got button-hole bunches of
flowers. Mr. and Mrs. Astor led the way
into the dining-room, but separated and
took places opposite each other at the
centre of the board. The rest found
their assigned chairs in pairs. The femi
nine toilets were beautiful and costly,
but in no instance gorgeous. Simple ele
gance seemed to be aimed at.
The repast began with raw oysters,
tiny ones,opened on the deep shells, the
outsides o! which had been burnished
until they were fit for jewelry. They
were not served on plate's, but in frames
of twisted and silvered wire, each of
these novel contrivances holding ten.
The next course was clear soup in hand
painted dishes. Boiled salmon, with
white sauce and Parisian potatoes, came
third, The fish was not brought on
dishes ornamented with pictures of fish.
Such crockery has gone out of fashion
with the extremely swell, and now it is
not thought refined to have representa-
, nous oi anyemng eataDie painted ou
j dishes. Even flowers are not approved
i for such purposes. The idea is, that if.
I in lifting a morsel of delicate food
a rose should be uncovered, the
1 highly educated and acute palate of the
eater might be offended, i. hicken cro
t quettes aud asparagus were fourth; next
j small broiled birds, then fillets of beef
j with mushrooms; then ices with cake.
; and unaliy coffee. It will be seen that
! no great variety was afforded, but the
I cookery was perfect. The dinner begau
I at s o'clock and Listed until 11. Talk
, occupied much of the time, but there
was hearty eating generally for it is con
sidered stylish now for women to have
robust appetites.
Was there alcohol in this dinner?
rienty. Total abstinence is not prac
ticed in any swell .ew York family that
I know of. A different wine was brought
with every course. And each wine had
its separate and faueiedly appropriate
glasses. Chablis came in a small glass,
with a slender stem and concave sides,
holding no more than a good swallow,
which was taken down at one gulp bv
most of the guests. That w as regarded
as an appetier, and accompanied tLe
oysters. The soup was simultaneous
with red wine, tasting like .Macou, and
served in stemmed "glass w hose sides
were convex, thus holding enough to sip
slowly during the course. The fish was
contemporaneous with a Rhenish wine
in a green, thin tumbler, aud in this case
decanters were left within reach of all
the diners, so that leliliiug was handy.
With the chicken came red and white
Bordeaux iu the original bottles, .lust
lifter the beef a rum punch was served iu
tiny cups of some rare China ware. The
champagnj arrived with the desert, and
there was a choice of three makes.
A DOWN THE STREAM.
The sunbeams gild the purple stream.
The bubbles float upon its breat;
The landscape in a peaceful dream
Seems sleeping in a soothing rest.
The tall, gaunt pines adorn the cliff.
Appearing like a fortresa brown.
While she and I in gladness drift
Beyond the noises of the town.
Fair clouds of beauty slowly float
Above us like a snowy shroud,
And hide in shade our little boat,
As tears are hidden from a crowd.
The shores grow dimmer to the sight.
The woodlands wear their plumes unfurled.
And silent shadows of the night
Descend upon a restless world.
T's then we w hisper, soft and low,
The sacred love-words from the heart;
The joys and pleasures we would know
Together in the halls of art.
Tis then that gladness steals aronnd
Upon us while the star-gems gleam,
'Tin then, when Love is shadow-crowned.
We drift adown the purple stream.
H. Carlelon Tripp, in the Current
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
A parlor suit Courting in the front
room.
A garden party The Shanghai.
Puck.
Go West young man and freeze-up with
the country. Puck.
"Man wants but little here below"
zero. Bosttn Courier.
Congressmen use six hundred towels a
day. They ought to have "clean hands."
Xorristou-n Herald.
Maud S. is said to have a stride of fif
teen feet. How a man must envy her
when the sheriff's after him. Philadel
phia Cull.
Customer. "Don't show me any more
Astrakhan. Pray what is that fur?"
Clerk. Fur? Why. fur to keeD ver
hands warm !" Harder' Bazar.
The toboggan business is only a tem
porary mania. We'll bet a new hat that
every slide in the country will bo aban
doned before July 1. Detroit Free Preu.
A naturalist recommends eating raw
onions for insomnia. The theory prob
ably is that you will go to sleep to
avoid smelling your breath. Sett 1'ark
Tribune.
"Would you marry an old man for hi
money?" asked Mildred. "Well, I de
clare," exclaimed Laura with a startled
air, "you surely don't suppose anything
else would induce me to marry him!"
Pittsburg Jtiy atch
Mrs. Brimmer Why, Mr. Brimmer,
here's a fly. Where did he come from
this cold weather? See him hover around
that book. What is he after? Mr. Brim
merLooking for the fly leaf, I suppose.
Boston Budget.
"If there is anything I like better than
classical mu-ic,"said ".Major Brannigan,
in a high voice, as he moved with the
throng out of the concert room, "it's
lemons. They both set my teeth on
edge." San FrancUco Post.
The minister's quite discouraged.
As he looks at the empty j ews;
So few have his efforts encouraged,
So few who care for his views.
And he sas, with a voice full of sighing,
"The gospel most people are scorning;
Ah ! i his world is giving to lying,
Yea. lying in bed, Sunday morning.
UoodaW Hun.
Professional Diners Out.
I Coineratioii.
horthand notes were taken of the fol
lowing conversation at a recent fashion
able reception
lJ ide--' Really, now."
She "Yes, indeed."
Dude--"Awfully funny, you know."
She - --The drollest thing in life."
Dude "Why, to ( sure."
he - "I wa3 so surprised."
Dude "Nothing surpri-es me."
And thus do we keep up our reputa
tion as the Atheus of America. Botvn
Lmharrased Clerks.
The clerks iu music stores often have
laugha'de ex crienccs. A young lady
walked into one of the largest on vYash
ingtun street and said, or seemed to say
"1 want Willie Nye." A boy was seut
to scour the store lor William", and whec
that young gentleman presented himsell
it would b- hard to say whither he or
the girl look the more astonished. '-Hq
you ask lor Will Nye he said. "Cer
taii.lv not," she replied. "I want that
new song: -Will audi.'" An entirely
new clerk at another store came near
fainting several times during his first
day behind the counter. He had hardly
taken his position when u young ladv
with 1 ionde tr esses and eves w Inch !
seemed made of bus of ifal.an skv i
walked up to the counter. Fixing iltr '
orbs up .a him, she said: "Kiss M, 1
Darling, e re , ou i.o." Thev had to I
take him out aud place him under the '
faucet, while arrother clerk gave the cus- j
tomer the muic she desired. He had
hardly recovered enough to resume his
place when a ma den, of" perhaps severity j
winters, remarked to him: Ah1 w.u.l.l
that 1 couM love :1kv less!" 1 Hiring the
severe illness whici lollowe.I h nl
turned a raven black. Rut to-Jay thia
clerk is the most calk. used man iu the
more. All day long girls talk to him
like this: "I want a beau "' liiveiue
back my heart, my love " ( ih. tell u,0
that you love me!" 'Come. Bird e, com.
and livu w th mel" And he merely re
plies: "Fifty cents, please!" an 1 Wraps
i. ...I u. hi. in-, can gel used
' Jthiu. La time Louh nr.j.i
I meet them every day in the season,
dodging out of side streets, in even
ing dress and immaculate linen, posting
along to eat with Smith or Brown or
Jones, with appetites sharpened bv the
light diet of the day. He may be "middle-aged
or old, but the professional
diner-out is never young. If any youn
man were to attempt such shifts for exLst
ence as he practices, society would
promptly denounce him as an irreclaim
able dead beat and leave him to starve.
It would probably be impossible for
anygoiial censor to define exactly the
line of demarkatian between the "pro
fessional dead beat and the professional
diner out. In both cases it is a man
pretending to be w hat he is nat, in order
to get something for nothing; a sort of
confidence game played quite as dex.
trously iu society by Pousonby de Tom
kyns as miiht be pra tice 1 on the
confiding, vulgar public bv Hungry
Joe. Hut we are adepts at making
nice distinctions ia these days of ad
vanced social polish, and it is not in this '
direction alone that we send one man to
Coventry or Mng Sing for what
rew ard iu another as a special virtue.
The stock in trade of the professional
diner out is his dress suit and the people
he know s. Smith invites him because
Jones does, and Brown because Jones
aud Smith do He lives inexpensively
in cheap lidgings or a club; where he
never pays lor any meal but his break
fast ludeed. a diner-out who is master
of his profession can get plentv of invi
tations to b eakfast, too, so" that his
actual outlay ou himself mav be reduced
to the merest rust of bed and clean linen.
Ikuow one man who. n au income of
1,-.Hk a year, whicn is the rent of a
house left him as sole inheritance by
some relation, feeds fatly from year's
end to year's end, and still has money
over. And no one to me t him at the
festal board would s. t him down for
anything less than a millionaire. Sew
it'ik Acer...
to
Another Sid Failure.
Sweet Url -"And s vou have been
on the plaius for -ten y arsr"
Handsome l owbov "-"Yes, this is the
first time I've been baekiuto real civiliza
liou. "
"Now please tell me, in that lonely
l!le, so far removed fr,,m the refiaiiig
intluemva of civtii. ation, you know"
jWh-jit did you miss m.st" " '
" Outers."
I