THE FOREST REFDBLICAN
la published every Wadaeadar, by
J. E. WENK.
OiHoe) lo Smearbaugh 3c Co.'". Building
XLH 8TRKKT, TIONKSTA, Pa.
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C-trreaporxienre nolietted from e0 pert ef the
VOL. ITIII. NO. 49.
coniTT. no none Ul be UUn of aaoi
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31. 1886.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
m on in out
cvinuiujzicauvus.
, A statistically-Inclined sportsman has
figured out that there were in the United
States, last Mason, 1,034 flat, 411 hfiit
nd 19.1 steeplechases and hurdle races,
and that the different jockey clubs put
up $973,0l3..'O in purse and stakemioney.
Those who dance must pay the fiddler.
An "anti-plumage league'' has been
formed in England to check the destruc
tion of birds, caused by the present
fashion of wearing bird and feather orna
ments. The league receives additional
strength from the fact that Queen Vic.
toria is in strong sympathy with its ob
jects. Justice Field, of the supreme court,
takes deep interest in the electrical in
ventions of Mr. Edison. "I would not,"
he is reported as saying, ''be surprised
any day to hear that he had discovered
the secret that the alchemists searched
far so long, and invented some method of
'keeping the vital spark alive forever.
The Tital spark is nothing but electricity,
after all."
A farmer of Kimbles,Pcnn., put strych
nine into the carcass of an old horse that
had died, and placed the body in a spot
where foxes, who have been overrunning
the vicinity, would get at it. The result was
that fifty-eight dead foxes and fourteen
worthless dogs were found near the
house of the- farmer. Two Italian
quarrynien also partook of the poisoned
horse, fried, and had a narrow escape
from, death.
The Old World" watches are no
longer what they used to be in the esti
mation of the American public. The ab
solutely accurate and unvarying work of
machinery which has attained almost to
perfection here hag crowded out the for
eign made watches, no two of which are
alike. There are various reasons for this,
one being that the American watches are
better, and another that they are much
easier and less expensive to repair.
Dr. Edson, of the New York Health
department, has had the dye of some
bright red stockings, which were made
in Saxony, examined, and the analysis
discovered that it contained arsenic
and antimony. Both poison the skin,
and what is known as antimony rash is
produced by underclothing the dye of
which is fixed with antimony. Children
are the worst sufferers from antimony
rash, as they are the most likely to wear
the bright colors which contain the
poison.
High-priced singers are out of favor
this year, observes a writer in New
York Town, Toput. Even dear Madame
l'atti is having hard work to barter her
exquisite voice for the fabulous sums of
former seasons. Heretofore, when she
found the effete audiences of Covent Gar
den reluctant in pouriug their shekels at
her shrine, she simply packed up and
came to the out-stretched arms of enthu
siastic America, or went to Russia. This
year she decided to hazard a less remote
continental tout. She was recently an
nounced to sing ir Amsterdam, and in
order to reimburse her manager for the
large sum he was to pay her, the price of
tickets was placed at a figure which evi
dently shocked the prudent and econom
ical Hollanders, for when the hour ar
rived only two tickets had been sold. It
is needless to ay that she did not sing,
and that the first train bore away a very
indignant and probably wiser prima
donna.
The startling decrease in the numbers
of many of our birds, brought about of
late years by the unceasing persecution
waged for the sake of fashion, has aroused
the Ornithologists' union to a recognition
of the necessity for instant and decided
effort in behalf of our birds. The ob
jects of the committee are as follows: 1.
The gathering of all possible information
bearing on the subjects of the destruction
and protection of North Americ in birds.
2. The diffusion of information among
the people in respect to the extent of the
laughter of birds for millinery atd other
inercenarp purposes; the wanton killing
of birds in sport by men and boys ; the
robbing Jof birds' nests; the destruction
of the eggs of rails, terns, gulls and other
birds for food ; and the marked recent de
crease of many species resulting from this
general destruction; the spreading of in
formation, also, in respect to the utility of
birds as a natural check upon the increase
f insects injurious to vegetation, and
with reference to their interest and value
from an ifsthetic point of view. This
.with the object of developing a public
sentiment in favor of the rigid protection
.ct our native birds, a sentiment that will
naturally spring up strongly and w idely
as soon as attention is called to the sub
ject. The head quarter of the committee
are at the Amerii.au Museum of Natural
History, Outrul Park, New York city,
vhere the officers or any of the members
be addressed.
OH, SILVER CLOUD.
Oh, silver cloud, a moment white
Thou gleam eat fair within my sight,
Then off beyond the mountain's blue
I lose thee in the darkening hue
Of comrade-clouds whose racks unite.
Are thou a snow -clad neophyte,
Attendant on the Qnwn of night,
Hurrying to join her retinue,
Oh, silver cloud?
Mayhap, oh, truant, by her might
Eos demands thy service-right
To bind her golden locks, or woo
Her rosy face to smile anew
Or dost thou follow Fhrebus' flight,
Oh, silver cloud?
-Edgar Irving Brenner, in th Current.
THE MISSING LETTER.
BT MRS. MILES IT. MACNAMARA.
Ten-3 ear-old Fhebie Conryn pounded
with all the concentrated power of her
two clenched little fists, but the iron
barred door continued unimpressed and
unmoved. Phebie added a few savage
knocks with extra force, accompanied by
an extremely wicked squeal of fury,
which proved our Phebie was not an nn
gelic visitant but of purely human and
sorely tried flesh.
She retreated a step at last, and gazed
anxiously up at the windows, then began
on a tear-mixed solo wail: "Ur. Alcot!
Oh, Mr. Alcot! Please let me in !''
"Hi, hi I What do you want, Phebie;
is any one sick at your houe?"
The window above the door had been
raised and a very pillow-frizzled head
craned far over the sill to view the small
personage who replied, with reproachful
entreaty. "You sleep mighty hard, and
oh, please, Mr. Alcot, is Willie here!"
"Bill? Why, of course not. Just
bide there a bit. I'll be down in a w hip
stitch." Phebie now attended to the great
blanket shawl which had slipped from
her head and was trailing on the ground.
She muffled herself closely in its com
forting embrace; for the thermometer
waa toying with a very chill-inspiring
mercury, and the dawn was making a
last struggle with obstinate night, which
made the air doubly frosty to the child
whose tiny nose was uplifted and eyes
squinted to read through the gray atmos
phere the letters on. a sign overhead,
which gave information to inquiring
humanity that here was the "postorhee,"
while a larger sign above this proclaimed
of "dry goods and groceries'' also to be
had within.
After considerable growling and blus
tering a light gleamed through the win
dow grating, and a brusque but not un
kindly welcome opened to the waiting
child.
"You don't mean to sav that Bill's been
out all night f"
"His bed ain't been tumbled. Ma
woke up and found the lamp burning at
one o'clock, so she looked in his room,
but he hadn't got in. She is a'most wild
by this time, and sent me over to see if
maybe you had kept him."
" 'Taint likely I'd keep the boy out all
night without lettin your mother know.
Here, Hattie, Hattie !" he called, going
to a door leading upstairs from the rear
of the store.
"What is it, father ?" a feminine
voice responded.
"Slip on your clothes and run over to
Mrs. Lester's with Phebie. The poor
woman's a-most distracted !"
In a marvelously brief time a startled
young girl hastened down, pale and ap
prehensive. "What did you do with Bill, last
night?" queried her father, jesting to dis
guise his uneasiness.
"Why, is not Will at home?"
"Phebie says his bed isn't mussed."
"He ain't been home since he changed
his clothes to go to Centreville farm after
you," the child explained.
"For mercy's sake'. Where can he
be!" cried Hattie, in growing anxiety,
"Westood in the kirchen talking a few
minutes after he had put the horse up "
she hesitated, and a painful blush spread
over her face and neck, then hastily
added: "He said he, was going home; at
least he did not say he was going any
where else !"
"It's odd, to say the least of it," Mr.
Alcot remarked, "If this town was not
pretty free from resorts to attract young
men. I'd think "
"Nonsense, father !" testily exclaimed
Hattie. "Willie is above 'temptation!
Come Phebie, perhaps he is at home by
this time."
The two ran quickly to the little, one
storied, frame house, situated in the cen
ter of a small tract of land that was cul
tivated by the Widow Lester in "garden
truck." From this slender traffic the
family of four was maintained until
AVillie, the eldest of the three chil
dren, began to realize a
small salary assisting in Mr.
Alcot's store. His usefulness developed
with his years, until two years previous,
at the age of twenty-one, he began to re
alize that his future w aj promising be
yond his mother's fondest expectations,
when his employer not only gave him
what may, for a village ambition. In
termed a living wage, but hinted that
as there was no junior Alcot torival hiui,
Willie Lester might hope for succession,
when he, Mr. Alcot. felt disposed to re
tire from active business and live at eue
with his one "chick," his idol, his
motherless daughter, Hattie.
It was now daylight. The woman
who was employed to assist with the
housework and clean the store came
down from her attic chamber and began
to clean up behind the counter of the
postoffiee department, as the portion re
served for that purpose was called, while
Mr. Alcot removed the blinds and pre
pared for business, gossiping iu hid
usual familiar tone with the trusted "ser
vant," who was not by any means treated
as such.
In Western country towns such distinc
tions are not tolerated by the employed.
' "And who's been fussing with the
mails, I wonder?" suddenly exclaimed
the woman, handing Mr. Alcot two let
ters she had found on the floor.
"That's Farmer Slayback's mail," re
joined the postmaster, as he stepped
quickly to the section of pigeon holes and
examined the Playback "box." "How
on earth did they get on the floor? Look,
Martha, there ought to be another one.
It'not in the box! It's a registered
money letter!"
With increasing uneasiness he began
nervously to hunt. The floor was searched
thoroughly, every letter-box scrutinized
ami each superscription read, as if there
might be a possibility that the letter had
been misplaced. "Although I know posi
tively the three letters were togctherin the
right box" the now exceedingly anxious
man exclaimed.
"Mavbe Willie put itawav," suggested
the woman.
"No. . I had the letters in my hands
after hr drove away to bring Hat home."
A frightful thought suddenly assailed
him ; his ruddy face turned white. He
clutched his beard in a tremulous fash
ion, as if to steady and repel the painful
idea developing in his mind.
"Impossible!" he muttered. "Bill
wouldn't do a thing like that! But
what's lecome of that letter, registered
containing two one hundred dollar bills?
And where's Bill?" As if in answer to
his cogitations two quite tranquil young
people entered the store.
"Thank God!" w:is Mr. Alcot's men
tal ejaculation. "Bill's not lit out with
that letter, anyway!"
"Where do you think h3 was.futher?"
laughingly exclaimed Hattie. Mr. Alcot
looked sharply at his clerk and replied
shortly: It's to be hoped he can explaiu
to his mother's satisfaction."
The young man responded with a de
precating smile.
"I am sorry I have occasioned you all
such uneasiness," then added jestingly.
"I hope you did not imagine that I had
eloped with Mr. Slayback's money let
ter?" "Somebody did, for it's gone!" was
the terse reply.
"Oh, father! You an? joking!" cried
Hattie.
Willie stared in amazement, then ran
to the letter-box, followed by the young
girl.
"It's not there, I tell you! Martha
picked those two up from the floor; the
registered letter is not to be found, high
or low. Give an account of yourself,
young man!"
"Why, Mr. Alcot, can you do you
suspect me?"
"Give an account of yourself, I say!"
was the wrathy reply.
"Tell father all about it," tenderly en
treated Hattie, gazing compassionately
at the young man. who turned pale and
red by turns, tears of indignatian and
mortification welling to his flashing blue
eyes.
Mr. Alcott turned angrily upon his
daughter.
"What do you know about it, Miss?
Have you two fools conspired to give me
a shock? A wretched joke, I swear!"
"Oh. father! You are unjust. I'm
sure Will knows as little about the disap
pearance of that letter as I do. I want him
to tell you about his patent."
"I don't want any foolery. Where
have you spent the night, Bill?"
"In our barn "
"In your barn !" sneered Mr. Alcot.
"A likely story!"
The young man bit his lips to keep
down rising anger, when Hattie inter
posed. "Please, father, listen. Willie has
been at work a long time on a patent
stopper his own invention. At night,
after he leaves here, he works at it in the
barn, so that hi- mother won't be dis
turbed. Last night, although it was
late when he left here after bringing me
home, he said he felt just like work. He
has secured patent rights on a crude de
sigu and was axious to get the perfected
model done and sent away and every
thing all secure b -fore he said anything
to anyone. This morning the finishing
touches were put on it, and after it was
packed he sat over it thinking" Hattie
looked at him w ith a loving smile at this
int "and then he fell asleep. That's
w here I found him "
"You? How did you know?"
" h, I knew all about it from the very
first?"
"Oh. indeed! If you know so muc'i.
just tell me what has become of that let
ter," was the sarcastic reply.
' Perhaps the rats hive grt in the
house again." she suggested.
"Kits! Oh. yes; no doubt. Two
legged rats, who need money to secure
patent rights and make models." sneered
the troubled man. with irritation.
'.Mr. Alcot! Dare you "
Hattie ran to the affronted and angry
voting man, quickly placed one hand on
his mouth, and the other crept around
his arm, upon which she caressingly
pressed her cheeek. saying :
"Darling, don't mind father; he cannot
mean it so; he is anxious "
"What do you mean, my girl? What
is there between you two; Heaven be
good to me! Sue h dishonesty and deceit
right under my nose'."'
"Mr. Alcot. hear uie "
"I won't hear. Re-tore that letter and
clear up this mystery. Harriet, go into
the kitchen and see to breakfast."
Hattie pressed the unhappy Will's hand
lovingly and obeyed her father's com
mand. "Now, young man, vou and I w ill have
a talk."
At this moment the door leading to the
second floor opened, and Martha, who
had gotie up stairs to attend to the
t hamber work, entered the store again.
Iu her hand sLe held that inis.-iug 1. 1
ter. Will gave ens jovous bound toward her
and pra-'ped at It as one d ranting might
grasp at a Iife-suving oar.
"Father in heaven I thank thee 1" be
cried, fervently, and then Hattie! Hat
tie! The letter is found! the letter! the
letter!"
Hattie came flying in, gave one answer
ing glance and burst out crying: "Oh,
Will! And father suspected you."
Mr. Alcot clutched at his beard again,
took the letter and asked in a voice hoarse
with emotion :
"Where did you find it, Martha?"
"In your bed, twixt thecase and pil
low you slept on."
"Goodness gakes! nave I taken to
walking in my sleep again as I did when
I was a youngster?"
This was doubtless the case. The last
thing before retiring he had gone to see
whether that money letter was all right,
and in his sleep it haunted him, with the
I result that caused its removal to safer quar
j ters near his person. The other two were
! cast aside as unimportant.
"Bill I'm a hasty old fool," began
the postmaster in awkward, self -reproach-lul
tones.
"Mr. Alcot, don't say a word. Who
would not suspect, under like circum
stances. To think that I should chance
to fall asleep and absent myself unac
countably naturally led on to doubts.
Beside, I deserve some punishment for
returning to rob you of something more
precious than money."
"It was not the money, boy, alto
gether. It was betrayed confidence that
pained and enraged me. Things did
look kinder black, now, didn't they?"
"Indeed, father, your suspicions hit
right home about the two-legged rats "
"Shut up, you saucy baggage. You
sly one, you ! I saw you hugging Will
awhile ago!"
Will caught her as she was retreating,
and holding her hand, spoke np like a
man.
"If I dared to hope for your approval,
Mr. Alcot, to make her my wife ! My
patent is not of great scientific value, but
I have secured rights as an inventor, and
am already negotiating for profitable
privileges from a large bottling establish
ment for its use; hence I can make an
independent beginning and offer your
daughter a home."
Mr. Alcot embraced bis child with pa
thetic emotion, saying, "I suppose I
must submit. The young will mate, as
the parents did before them ; but Bill
my son" he clasped the young man's
hand. "You must share my home, for I
cannot be left alone, now that the tricks
of boyhood are cropping out in the old
man."
"You dear, good, best of fathers, do
you think I would leave you?" murmured
Hattie.
"You see, children, I need some one to
look after 'two-legged rats,' " Mr. Alcot
interpolated with penitent humor, look
ing into Will's eyes, there seeking and
receiving pardon for the unjust suspi
cions in connection with that registered
letter.
- The Wild Cossacks.
The Cossack dress, the long coat and
the hat and knife are so well known in
England, front drawings in the illus
trated papers, that no description is
needed. It is a workmanlike dress un
doubtedly, but not what an English cav
alry officer would call "smart." The
horses, too, are more like rough cobs
than horses, but they are said never to
tire, and, in fact, they do look stout, use
ful beasts. Our officers and men may
well take a lesson from them. They are,
as a Russian officer said, thoroughly
"mobile." The Cossack has no tent and
his horse no covering, even in the depths
of winter when on service, while our
horses are not prepared to stand out
without three heavy felts, nor are the
men prepared to go on service without a
servant and a pony to every two of them
and tents to cover them. In short, the
Cossack is a well-armed, mounted rifle
man and scout, and one can well imagine
what yeoman's service a cloud of such
horse in the front of any army would
perform. It has been too much the aim
of our native cavalry officers to turn
their men into dragoons, and though
they would in the open undoubtedly be
better mounted and heavier than the
Cossacks, one cannot help feeling that
the others have on their side many ad
vantages. Ours are more for show, and
theirs more for Use. A cavalry man
would answer by asking to see the hos
pital rolls after six weeks' campaign in
winter, and no doubt that is to us. where
men and animals cost money, a powerful
retort, for we know how the Russians suf
fered in the Balkans from sickness. With
all that, we have a lesson to learn from
the Cossack, and it would be well if of
ficers would think it over, and remember
that we cannot always be at peace, and
that our next war miirht carry us further
than one hundred and fifty miles from
our Indian frontier.
One of our officers, at any rate, will
remember the Cossacks as long as he
lives. He accompanied an officer out
side the mess tent to lxk for something
when the latter introduced him as a
brother officer of cavalry, and he, in re
sponse, drank the health of the Cossacks.
Before he well knew what had happened
he was picked up by twenty strong arms
and placd ball with to a chorus accom
paniment. I am not sure that he was
not embraced before they put him down.
This stems to be a Cossack custom, and
once a year their own officers get
tossed," and it is the greatest honor
they can pay you. But think what
would happen, and how splashed they
might be, if they let fall a twenty-stone
old colonel that they did not like.
Mr. Yahashi of Tokio has invented and
patented a method of weaving cart'ts
with leathers. According to his iuetnod
feathers are reduced to a silky state by
the action of chemicals, and then Wuvau
Ilka ordinary cotton stuff.
Ingeiioo Girl Squatters.
A woman, unmarried and twenty-one
years old, has the right to take up land,
und in Dakota many have availed them
selves of this privilege by acquiring pre
emption or tree claims. Bethrothed
couples from the East sometimes take up
adjoining claims and then marry and
settle down on 490 acres. One of the
conditions of the law, however, is that J
any one taking up a claim shall live on
it f;r sjx months. Four girl pioneers,
who wanted to take up claims, adopted
a good plan to meet this requirement.
Taking up a section of 640 acres they
built a cabin on it containing four cor
ner rooms, the center of the house being
just over the point where the four sec
tions met, as shown by the following dia
gram: Each woman then moved into the room
located on her 180 acres and yet enjoyed
the society of her companions. They all
provided themselves with revolvers, but
as a rule women on the prairies are as safe
as those who live in large cities. Mil
waukee Sentinel.
A Signer's Joke.
President Harrison's great-great-grandfather,
who was one of the regicides of
Charles I. was convicted of high treason.
Pepys, in his diary, October 13, 1660,
refers in this comforting way to bis execu
tion : "I went out to Charing Cross to see
Major-General Harrison hanged, drawn
and quartered, which was done there, and
he looked as cheerful as any man could do
in that condition."
Exactly lis years after this event, Ben
jamin Harrison, the father of President
Harrison and the great-grandson of the
good man who departed this life in such
a gentlemanlike manner, according to
Pepys, had just signed the Declaration of
Independence in Philadelphia. His
weight was nearly 300 pounds, while that
of Elbridge Gerry, who sat beside him, was
hardly more than that of the late Alex
ander H. Stephens. "Gerry, "said Harri
son, "you'd better not sign that paper.
There's been some hanging in my family,
and we are somewhat used to it. More
over I will have another advantage over
you. It will be over with me in a minute.
This ponderosity will crack my neck,
while you'll be kicking and squirming
about in the air long after I'm gone." But
Gerry signed the paper even while he and
Harrison roared with laughter. Ben:
Perky Poore.
The Lightning's Stroke.
A person struck by lightning does not
know it, the fluid being much quicker
than thought. The nerves which convey
pain are rather slow in their power to
convey information. Stick a pin in the
tail of an elephant and quite a percepti
ble interval occurs before the noble ani
mal gives his opinion of the man or boy
at the end of the nervous system on trial.
Lightning does its work before the victim
knows anthing. Two men were struck
while taking refuge under a tree. Both
were carried into the house, and laid out
for dead. One of the men revived, and
after weeks of suffering and infirmity, he
got out again, and is still living. He
said he knew no more about having been
struck by lightning than he was con
scious of having lived before the flood.
It was all news to him when told of the
fact.
The Destrnetire Peepal Tree.
A curious destroying of human works
in India, according to Dr. R. F. Hutch
inson, is the peepal tree. This is a kind
of fig, which multiplies beyond the power
fj( man to destroy, its little seeds being
sown broadcast over the land in the drop
pings of the birds and bats which feast
on its fruit. The peepal rises everywhere,
and its effect is the disintegration of rocks
and buildings, the danger being so great
that the keepers of large structures are
constantly on watch during tig time for
bird-droppings. A an illustration of
what the tree may do and of its wonder
ful vitality, it is stated that on the sum
mit of the northern minaret of the great
mosque of Barei'.ly, 150 feet high, a
jM-epal flourishes grandly beyond reach,
uud its ever active roots are gradually
breaking up the cupola of the minaret.
The Ambulance.
This is a modern invention of French
origin. Ia ancient times the wounded
were left to die on the battlefield, but
war now has the ameliorating influence
r f surgery. There are two kinds in use.
The heavy ambulance is left with the bag
gage, while the light one moves over the
Latt lefield iu order to convey the wounded
to the rear. Each ambulance is attended
by seven surgeons, and the largest are
drawn by four horses. A surgeon on
borstbai k guides the others to some place
where a field hospital is established. A
yellow flag is then displayed, which pro
tects the sx.t from the tire of the enemy,
liaruu Larrey w ho reached destinction in
surgery during Napoleon's war, orgauz ed
the ambulance system with a great per
fection, and it is now in use a!l over the
civilized world. Iiorhetter Chronicle.
A prominent Pennsylvania coal oper
ator nas noted that the gntat majority of
coal-mine disasters occur between mid
night aud 3 e. M.
The haTc of a Pei ies of rig of Zanzi
bar hre used in that part of Africa for
polishing wood, jut as we employ sand
pipcr. Thry impart a fiuUh, however,
which wtndpapcr uoes sot.
THE GRAY DATf.
Evermore all the days are long, and the
cheerless skies are gray,
Restlessly wander the baffling winds that
scatter the blinding spray.
And the drifting currents come end go like
serpents arrow my way.
Wearily f ales the eve jing dim, drearily wears
the night,
The ghostly mists and the hurrying clouds
and the breakers' crert of white
Have blotted the stars from the desolate skies
have curtained them frem my sight
i' y--lmg alone, my ware-toseed bark encoun
ters no passing sail.
Welcoming friend nor challenging toe an
swers my eager hail
Only the sobbing, unquiet waves ad the
wind'i unceasing wail.
Hopefully still my sails are bent, my pilot is
faultlessly true.
He holds my course as though the seas and
the mirrored skies were blue,
And the port of peace, where the winds are
still, were evermore in view.
For over the spray and the rain and the
clouds shines the eternal sun;
The unchanging stars in the curtained dome)
still gleam when the day is done;
And the mists will be kissed from the laugh
ing skies when the port of rest is won.
Robert J. Burdette, in Brooklyn EagU.
II UXOR OF THE DAT.
Yery'taking" in its way Smallpox.
Hot itprinjt Seirt.
Shear nonsense trying to cut the hair
of a bald-headed man. Barber j Gazette.
According to the Darwinian theory our
ancestors were all tail-bearets. Hartford
Timet.
The calcium light is ofttimes the bright
est part of theatrical entertainment.
California Mater kk.
There is one thing to be said in favor
of coasters. They don't want the earth. .
Burlington Free Pre.
A turnpike tender down South became
enamored of a young woman who often
passed over his road, but he never tolled
his love. Botton Bulletin.
Burdette says : "I hold it to be a sol
emn, self-evident, heaven-born truth that
a man who will play chess for amusement
would saw a cord of wood for a joke."
The bicycle rider usually falls forward,
when he falls, and stands on his head.
The skater falls backward, and doesn't
stand on anything. This allows the
amateur sport to choose the sport of
bumping. Picayune.
A correspondent wants to know if it is
proper to urge a young lady to sing at an
evening gathering after Bhe has refused
once. It Is proper to urge a little, but not
too mucli, lest she should change her
mind. Pittabury Chronicle.
Mrs. Lillie Blake raises her voice to
inquire: "Who owns the baby ?" From
what w e have seen of that interesting
creature, we have no hesitation in re
plving that the baby owns itself, and the
entire household in the bargain. Button
Trnnseript.
A free translation of the heraldic
motto which secretary Manning rented
for his recent dinner party, is said to be:
"The eagle does not catch flies." Of
course not. The American eagle is bald
headed. The flies catch him. Buffalo
Ej-pre.
Well, bow do you like him? Come, old man,
Bt-tter the bargain elsewhere, if you can,
He's young, and as spry as a goat
"I think." said the farmer, while looking
askani'e
At the horse, and then at the owner a
glance
"He is old enough to vote."
Judge.
Newspaper Advertising.
Newspaper advertising is now recog
nized, by business men having faith iu
their own wares, as the most effective
means for securing for their goods a wide
recognition of their merits.
Newspaper advertising compels in
quiry, aud when the article offered is of
good quality and at a fair price, the
natural result is increased sales.
Newspaper advertising is a permanent
addition to the reputation of the goods
advertised, because it is a permanent in
fluence always at work in their interest.
Newspaper advertising is the most ener
getic and vigilant of salesmen, address
ing thousands each day, always in the
advertiser's interest, ami ceaselessly at
work seeking customers from all classes.
Newspaper advertising promotes trade,
for even in the dullest times advertisers
secure by far the largest share of what is
being d'.ne. While the advertiser eats
ami sleeps, printers, steam-engines and
printing-presses are at work for him;
trains are 1 aring his words to thousands
of towns and hundreds of thousands of
readers, all glancing with more or less
interest at the message prepared for thm
in the solitude of his office. No preaeher
ever spoke to so large an audience, or
w ith so little effort, or so eloquently as
vou. reader, may do with the newspaper
man s assistance.
leflnitious of the Day.
A taking title Pick-pocket.
A dead imitation Catalepsy.
Within an a e of it The king.
Slaves of the weed Gardeners.
Always ou ice The polar-bear.
Come" to stay Your poor relations.
Badly stumped The legless veteran.
Out on the fly The .-scaed convict.
Poetical Justice Killing the bad
poets.
Old rounders The bands of the clock.
A German count tins, zwei, drei,
etc.
A pair of nippers A cyclone and a
blizzard. PnA.
Krnpp sguuoi kat Esseu have turned
out more guns bincu September than are
usually produced in twelve months' titus:.