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IIJIOI lib
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Oftl-Jeiit Bj-.ipnrbniTGh & Co.'a Building
ELM STrtEKT, TIO.NIiSTA, P.
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VQL. XVIII. KQ. 45.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 3,
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
f i 13
.Edward Oondby, an English statis
tician, hns been figuring up the cost of
tlia Franco-German war, tho Russo-Turk
ish war, tho Russian conquests in Asia
and tho French operations in Tunis and
Tonqnin, and puts the figures ut $2,787,
500,000. ! The now marriage license law in Penn
sylvania Liis proved a bonanza to New
Jersey preachers ' living near the State
lino. Hundreds of Pennsylvania couples
ovoid tho publicity and expenso of a li
censo by crossing tho river to have tho
knot tied.
There was a novel affair in Paris lately.
Two French women entered into a con
test to determines which of them could
talk fastest. A common friend was ap
pointed umpire, and the sum of $200 was
t' go to tho victor. For three hours they
read from a novel, and during that time
tho victor succeeded in pronouncing
390, 31 1 words. Her adversary came in a
bad second with 20!S.500 words.
Coral jewelry is daily becoming more
costly, owing to- tho diminished supply
of tho material. Tho fisheries this year
have been unsuccessful. Few persons are
aware of the extent of the coral traffic.
Naples alone employs five hundred ves
sels and five thousand men in this fishery.
The Naples merchants export $2,000,000
worth yearly to India alone, to any noth
ing of exportation)! to other places in
Asia and Africa.
There was a fire in New York city last
year for every forty-two buildings, all
told, 2.479 fires, with a total loss of $3,
789,283. Twelve persons were killed at
fires; twenty-three fatally injured; 102
seriously and 190 slightly. Altogether
there aro 104,102 buildings in the city,
exclusive, of sheds. The number of
buildings uptown has increased, and the
number downtown decreased, as large
structures take tho place of many small
ones. Ia 18811 there were 130 alleged
fireproof buildings in New York. At
the end of 188j they hud increased to
522, whilo the buildings that are over
four .stories high had increased from
8,251 to 14,190. These facts are con
tained in the annual report of tho fire
department.
We 'read in the Florida Herald that
"tho eyes of the Northern mill men are
turning eagerly to tho comparatively
virgin fonts of the South, and heavy
sales of timbered land aro constantly be
ing announced. If the ravenous saw
must be fed, and no better and cheaper
building material than wood can bo de
vised, then tho people of tho South
should not dispose of their heritage for
a mere pittance of its actual value. These
huge tracts of yellow piuo can be con
verted into yellow gold, and should not
be sacrificed as a worthless possession.
We should make the most of our oppor
tunities, and not yield too readily to the
pressure of greenbacks. These huge
areas of undisturbed trees are daily en
hancing in value and iuiyrtance as the
supply in tho North and AYest diminishes.
It is idle to talk of tho "inexhaustible"'
forests of tho South, when Mr. Little of
Montreal, an authority on the subject,
estimates that tho saving capacity of the
North is sufficient to consume the mer
chantable pine of this State in less than
a yK-7. The South possesses mines of
wealth in her noble forests, and they
should not be disposed of carelessly, Hiid
without a full appreciation of their true
and real value."
The Chihuahua Mexico) Enterprise
reports the discovery of some remarkable
ancient ruins on a hill or mountain four
leagues south of Magdalenu, in Sonora.
The hill is about 700 feet high, and half
way up there is a layer of gypsum which
is as white as snow, and may be cut into
any conceivable shape, yet sufficiently
hard to retain its shape ulU r being cut.
In this laver of stone are cut hundreds
upon hundreds of rooms from 0x10 to the war, and promotion was actually so
10x18 feet square. So even and true are j rapid that his boast is the truth. He has
tho walls, floor and ceiling, so plumb and j been flouting round Washington ever
level, as to defy variation. There are no since I can remember, and will probably
windows in the rooms, and but one en- be here when I am gone. There is a
trance, which is - always from tho top. choice assortment of soft things in con
TV. e rooms are but ciirht feet hiirh from nection with the judgc-advocate-gener-
floor to ceiling. The stone is so white
that it seems almost transparent, and the
rooms are not at all dark. Ou the walls
of these rooms are numerous hieroglyph
ics iiiul reoreseutatioiM of human
beings cut in the stone in different places ;
. It ,,. ts,.i .ill Hi.! hands h..v
uu,, ....... j,
five lingers and a thumb, and the feet
have six toes.
Charcoal is found on the
floors of many of the rooms; implements
of every description are to be found. The
bouses or rooms are one above the other
t,. three or more Morics high, but be -
twecu each story there is a jog or recess
the full width of the room below, so that
thi-y present the appearance of large steps
Jeaduij up the mountain.
Tho Indian women ans coming hourly
to tho front. At a Into meeting of tho
Presbyterian synod of Dakota, tho Indian
women reported having raised f00 for
missionary work among their own peoplo
lust year. This was more than nil tho
money raised by their white sisters in
three societies.
Lawrence Barrett, the actor, has been
talking to a reporter, and gives to the
world the information that ho is now a
vegetarian. It appears that he met a'
physician who told him that Americans
ate altogether too much underdono beef,
and ruined their lives thereby. Barrett
at once determined to leave off beef eat
ing and, although the struggle was hard,
he has finally conquered, and says he be
lieves tho vegetable diet has improved
his voice.
Professor C. II. Hall thinks that "tho
farmer is in need of a higher education
the disciplined mind and a larger amount
of information as a means of self-protection,
that he maybe able to defend
himself and his against the sharks and
humbugs which so often entangle him.
What ho wants is ability disciplined, and
knowledge widened, until ho is able to
measure aims, forecast results, and thwart
the purposes of his unscrupulous foe.
He wants to be drilled so that he may be
able to meet the intellect of the knave on
the road, of the scoundrel on the street
corner."
Washington seems to have two very
successful bill collectors. One of these
rides a home-made tricycle of peculiar
build. If a man doesn't pay he sits on
his machine in front of tho house, and
gazes mournfully tip at the windows,
bill in hand. "Tho Tricycle Man" is
well known, and his machino always at
tracts attention, so ho has little trouble
in collecting even the most hopeless bills.
Tho other sends in his bill in a big en
velope that has his name and vocation
printed on it in large type. A man doesn't
like to get theso great circus poster en
velopes and so pays up.
A leading Northern physician calls at
tention to tho fact that one of the most
common and fatal forms of disease at this
season of tho year, especially if tho tem
perature is above the froeziag-point, is
pneumonia. ,The illness results from ex
posure to violent changes in tho atmos
phere, such as are experienced on going
from overheated rooms into the damp,
chill air outside without sufficient protec
tion in tho form of wraps. Men are
tempted to leave off overcoats when
called to go short distances, and women
neglect to put on the same weight of gar
ments for a brief walk which they are
accustomed to wear under ordinary cir
cumstances out of doors. This folly is
too apt to bo indulged in by persons who
room in one house and take meals in an
other. "It is only a step," they say, but
that '"step" may be long enough, to pro
duce a thorough chill, which induces the
conditions favorable to disease. Another
danger, particularly to women, lies in the
thin-soled shoes worn without rubbers.
Ladies clothed in heavy furs and woolen
are frequently seen upon the wet streets
shod with light foot-gear, regardless of
the fact thut the extremities are the parts
which should be best protected. These
comouon. means of defying the simplest
laws of health keep the doc-tors busy and
increase the mortality statistics of cities.
A naval officer, in speaking of an as
sociate, said the other day to a Washing
ton correspondent: "Ho is a good fel
low, but he is a Coburgcr." When asked
to explain the term ho replied: "There
is a certain class of men in the navy who
have always held soft berths, and whom
it seems impossible to dislodge. They
are official favorites, and we call them
'Coburgers.' There are scores of them iu
the navy department here. I know of
one who has attained the rank of full
commander, and whose boast is that 'he
never stood a watch.' He was graduated
from the naval academy near tho close of
al's bureau; Judge-Advocate-General
Keuiey himself has a pretty easy time of
it. He is only a captain in the marine
corps, but his total sea duty is very
small. He has been so lung in Washing-
j ton tbat people have almost forgotten his
! real rank. I knew of another case which
, ls evua wornC
A certain officer, now
stationed at the League island navy
)'"ril. hasn't been more thun twenty-four
I hours' ride from Washington for the last
sixteen years, l lie navy ueparuuem nere
! full of just such people. How do they
manage it t Petticoat influence. lean
mention live women in this town who can
keep me here until I'm a rear admiral if
they only said the word."
LOVE'S CALENDAR
The Rummer comes ond the Rummer gees;
Wild flowers are fringing the dusty lanes.
Tk swallows go darting through fragrant
rains,
Then all of a midden it snow.
Dear Heart, our lives so happily flow,
S lightly we heed the flying hours,
We only know Winter is gone by the
flnwwi,
Wa only know Winter is come by the snow.
T. B. Aldrich.
THE WRECKERS.
a sailor's smnr.
Speaking about sharks, alligators, pi
rates and such, may be I can interest you
In an adventure which occurred so re
cently that all the particulars aro yet
fresh in my mind.
I am a sailor man, and I am as honest
as the general run of them. I was in
New Orleans, knocking around for a
berth, when ono day on the levee, at the
foot of Canal street, a man with a blink
to his left eye seems to take a great shine
to me. He invites me to drink with him
and to join him at dinner, and, when he
believes the time to bo ripe, he says;
"You looks like an honest chap, and I
don't deny that I've taken a liking to
you. How would you like to ship with
my captain?
"Aud who may your captain be?" I
asked.
"Captain McCall, of the schooner
Glance, and I'm saying to you that a
better man never gave orders from the
quarterdeck, and that a better vessel
than the Glance was never put together."
"And what may be the voyage."
He looks hard at me a long time before
replying, and then draws down his left
eyo and whispers: "Come aboard and
ee the captain. He'll be glad to shake
hands and tell you all about it."
I must own to my confusion that
I am a drinking man, as most sailors are,
and that this chap with a blink to his eye
had me half-seas over before wo left tho
saloon. We hail another drink or two
before reaching tho schooner, and when
wo went aboard I was in no condition to
judge of men or things. I remember of
meeting three or four men and of drink
ing again, and then all memory was gone.
Wnen I came to my senses the schooner
was in the Gulf of Mexico, heading almost
north, and the hour was 4 o'clock in the
afternoon.'
- Stiff and sore, and thoroughly fright
ened to find myself at sea, I crawled out
of the close and ill-smelling forecastle
and made my way ou deck. The crew
rere all there, including tho captain.
There were five white men, two negroes,
and I made the eighth man. There was a
light breeze from the southeast, and an
island was in sight off to the northwest.
A single look satisfied me that we were
headed for Chundcleur Eay, on the Mis
sissippi coast.
I was greeted in a pleasant fashion by
the men, aud the captain beckoned me
into his cabin, poured out a stiff glass of
grog, and said :
"You'll feel better after drinking it.
It's good grog that puts heart into a sailor
man."
"Will you tell me what schooner this
is, and how I came to bo aboard of
her?" I asked, never minding his soft
ways and the liquor he had placed under
my nose.
"Why, man, have you gone clean daft?"
he calls out. "You came to mo for a
berth on the Glance, and I, Captain Mc
Call, signed you for a trip to Santa Kosa
island and return. You were sober
enough when you signed articles. Come,
down with the grog, and wish us a suc
cessful voyage."
"Captain McCall, I never signed with
you!" I says, looking him straight in tho
eye. "And if you are bound to the north
east, why are you holding to the north?"
"Tut, tut, man ! I am not used to such
talk aboard this vessel. Go on deck and
do your duty, and if you dare talk mutiny
I'll put a bullet through your head."
With that I turned and left him, and
to say that I was in a jage would hardly
describe my feelings. My sailor's instinct
had shown me that I was on a wrecker,
and such wreckers are no better than
pirates. I had been duped aboard to
make up the complement of men, and
if they discovered that I was not hand
and heart with them they'd have little
habitation in taking my life.
I went forward to the bows, and pres
ently the mate joined me. He was the
man with the blink in his eye, and I laid
all the trouble to him. Ho spoke very
aoftly, but I was so bold and bitter that
he soon flew mad and abused me in the
foulest manner, and finally ordered me on
watch under pain of being placed in irons.
It would have been foolish to resist, and
I took my place among the men and
turned to for duty.
The schooner held on, passing between
the East and West Chandeleur islands
about dark, and holding to the north.
Soon after night the wind fell, and final
ly there was a dead calm. We were then
opposite the Middle Chandeleur, and only
four or five miles away, and as there was
a current setting us to the east the an
chor was let go, an anchor watch set, and
the rest of the crew were privileged to
turn in. The captain and mate retired
to their staterooms, aud, as the night
was pleasant, tho rest of us held the
deck. As I stowed away myself forward
for a smoke and a think, one of the white
men came over to me in a rathercautious
way, bunked down beside me, and whis
pered :
"Come, comrade, the better face you
put on the matter, the better it will be for
you. There's no question but they made
you drunk to get you off this voyage, and
as for your signing articles, that' all
bosh."
"What sort of a voyage is it?"
"For what we can pick ii."
"And what made you -.hipi"
i
"Well, I was obliged to dodge the law j
for a scrape I got into at Mobile."
"I shall leave her at the first chance."
"That's your lay; but keep quiet. The
captain and mate are bad men, and won't
stop at murder to hush your talk. If
there is a chance for a break depend upon
me to go with you."
"How far to the north do we go?"
','We shall cruise among the islands,
snd perhaps along the Alabama coast.
Take my advice and do duty and keep
your eyes open."
With that he left me, and after finish
ing my pipe I slept until about 2 o'clock
in the morning, when we got a slant of
wind from the Gulf, and the mate called
us to up anchor and make sail. We
crept along at a slow pace, and about
sunrise had the Big Chandeleur is
land under our beam. During the
afternoon we ran down to the northern
end and came to anchor within a few
fathoms of a coasting schooner, which
was then lying a wreck on the rocks
within a stone's throw of tho beach.
Her masts were gone, bulwarks stove,
and tho .beach was covered with wreck
age. It was plain that she had come
ashore in a gale, but in the tail end of it,
and the sea had not broken her up.
Long enough before we came to an
chor, although I was at the wheel of the
Glance, I saw a man on the wreck mak
ing signals. It seemed to me that the
captain and mate placed themselves pur
posely in my line of vision, to prevent
my seeing the man, and we had not yet
begun to take in sail when the mate took
the wheel, and the captain sent me into
tho hold to look up some spare oars for
the yawl. I was rummaging around
down there for half an hour, the oars
being only a pretence to keep me off the
deck, and when the captain finally called
me up the sails were down, the anchor in
tho water, and several of our men were
aboard the wreck, having taken our
yawl to convey themselves across the
space.
I was not allowed to go aboard of the
wreck, but was ordered to remain on the
schooner to help receive cargo which the
others broke out. Tho yawl presently
made her first trip, bringing a load of
ropei chains, and sails, and these trips
wve continued at intervals all day.
WVn they came to break out cargo the
yawl brought us flour, hardware, grocer
ies, and clothing, some damaged and
some in good shape, and the mute bore a
hand to help us on the schooner.
There was no knocking off for dinner,
and from the way the men were rushed it
was plain that tho captain feured discov
ery and was in a hurry to get everything
out of the wreck and be off. We had a
bito to cat as we worked, and at sunset
we were piped for supper. This we ate
on our decks, and my friend of the night
before, who gave me his name as Bill,
planned to take a scat near me. I had
worked hard and without grumbling, and
captain and mate no longer felt sus
picious of me, or at least showed no
signs of it. There was an opportunity
now for a few words with the man Bill,
and I asked him if it was a case of salvage.
"Wuss'n that!" he whispered back.
"Wasn't there a man one of the crew
on the wreck when we first came up?"
"Yes."
"Where is ho now?"
"Knocked on the head and thrown to
tho sharks I"
"Do you mean that he was murdered?"
"That's just it, matey! While you
were below tho captain and mate
rowed off to the wreck. We all saw a
man aboard, but none of us have seen
him since. Had he been allowed to live
on it would )ve been a caso of salvage.
With him dead, what's to prevent our
captain from owning all he can get.
"And you talk as coolly as if only a
dog had been thrown overboard!"
"Hush! If there is tho least show for
escape I'm oil with you this very night!
No more now wo are watched !"
After supper tho yawl was sent off
again, and we worked until about 11
o'clock. Two-thirds of the cargo had
been transferred, and our captain meant
to hang right by until he had secured
everything or a shift of weather drove
him away. There hud been a fair breeze
all day and it still held, coming from the
south-east. There was doubtless a smart
surf on the -ither side of hIio island, but
8n c.r side the water was quiet
enough.
When the crew turned in tho man Bill
was left on deck as un anchor watch.
The man lopped down i2tL:ck, some
without a thing between them and the
planks, and in half un hour their snores
were Ijearty and continuous. Then I
cautiously rose up and joined Bill. The
yawl w."s towing a-stern, with the oars on
the thwarts, and I was determined on
escape. To my surprise I found him
eager and anxious to go with me.
Whilo captain und mate both appeared
asleep, we dared take no risks. If we
got away in the boat it must be bare
handed. Any attempt to look up water,
provisions, and the mast and sail might
upset our whole plain.
While Bill walked the deck whistling
to himself, I drew the yawl under the
stern and slid down the painter. In a
minute or two he came after me, and
then cut the rope and pushed us off. We
at once began to float to the northwest,
and in a quarter of an hour were out of
sight of the schooner. It would not do to
use the oars yet, however, aud we were
waiting to increase our distauce, when all
of ii sudden the waters around us grew
alive with sharks. I have suiled iu most
seas and have seen a sailor's shuro of
sharks, but never before nor since did I
witness such a congregation of the
voracious monsters. They seemed deter
mined on destroying us, und every minute
dealt the bout such thumps thut we looked
to ace the planks crushed in. They jumped
half their length out of the water ut the
gunwale of the bout, and twice the head
of a shark rested ou the. seat in the stern
lor several seconds.
We realized that wo must niuke some
demonstration, even at the peril of being
overheurd on board the schooner, ami,
getting out the oars, we punched and
jubiwd with all our might. As soon as
we got well out from tho land the wind
bore us along at a faster pace, but the
sharks were not to be left behind. If
there was one there were 200. They bit
at the oars and splintered the blades, and
if the men on the schooner had not been
over tired they must have been awakened
by the row.
We had drifted perhaps two miles
when a tcrribio thing happened. We
two sat on one thwart, Bill minding one
side and I the other. Ho was bending
over the rail, punching every shark
within reach, when I heard a scream, and
turned my head in time to see him pulled
overboard. A shark had jumped far
enough out of water to seize him. There
was a terrible commotion in the water for
a few minutes, every fish anxious to se
cure a morsel, and for a time I was en
tiro neglected and driving along alone.
By and by three or four sharks came
after me, but they no longer attacked the
boat, nor did the number increase.
When I had got my nerve back I put
the best oar over the stern and sculled
away, keeping to the northwest, nor did
I rest beyond a few minutes at a time
until daylight came. I was then entirely
..ut of sight of the schooner, and making
a good pace of it. I saw half a dozen
coasters on the bay, but made no signals.
The Louisiana coast was in full sight, and
I preferred driving ashore to being picked
up. I knew how the coasters felt toward
wreckers, and if I were picked up, my
story would probably land me in the
courts.
Soon after noon I fetched the shore in
a bit of a bay, but I soon realized that I
was no better off than out at sea. I was
hungry and thirsty, but there was neither
fresh water nor food. I sculled all
around the bay in search of a creek, but
found none, but toward evening a
smart shower came up, and a
gallon or so of fresh water was caught
in the boat. It was full of filth when
I came to drink it, but it relieved
my burning thirst and put new life into
me. Shortly after that I found a dead duck
floating on the water. 1 did not stop to
investigate its condition but stripped off
a part of the feathers and cut out and ate
a large portion of the raw meat.
As the shores were dense canebrakes,
through which I could make no progress,
I tied the boat up for the night and went
to sleep, but darkness had only fairly set
in when the mosquitoes came down upon
me by the million. Sleep was out of the
question. Indeed, within an hour I was
obliged to scull the boat out into .the
bay against a smart sea rolling in, and
hold her there by hard work to keep
from being devoured alive. Whenever I
would let up for a few minutes, over
come by want of sleep, the boat would
drift back and the pests would attack
me, until I found them in my mouth.
After midnight the wind came up so
briskly that the mosquitoes could no
longer come out of the swamp at me,
but a new danger arose. I had no thought
of alligators until, as the boat rested
against the reeds, a monster reptile rose
up and clashed his jaws over the stern.
In two minutes there were three or four
swimming about me, and others were
thrashing around in the swamp. From
that time until daylight I had to shout,
splash the water, and keep moving from
one end of the boat to the other to
frighten my enemies away, and it seemed
as if I lived a month in those few hours.
As day broke the wind changed off the
land, and I drove with it out of the bay.
I was hardly out before an oyster
schooner picked me up, and in a couplo
of days I was safely landed in New Or
leans. When the captain asked for my
story I offered him the yawl as a free
gift in place of any explanation, and he
accepted it, and did not ask another
question. New York Sun.
The Maple Sugar and Syrnp Trade.
At this season of the year maple sugar
is abundant. In order to ascertain some
thing about this product, a reporter for
the New- York Mail and Erprevt called
on ono of the leading operators in that
city. He said that the sale of maple
sugar in New York aggregates over a
million of pounds each year. His house
this season alone handled 200,000 pounds.
"What becomes of so large a quan
tity?" "It is retailed by grocers and confec
tioners as maple sugar. But the larger
portion is boiled down into maple syrup
by manufacturers, who supply it to
grocery stores. The can style of pack
ages has been made attractive by means
of very handsomely decorated labels,
which add to the present neat appear
ance of fancy grocery stores. The niunu
l.ictunug of syrup is confined mainly to
Chicago and this city. For the past five
years there has been tyrreat demand for
maple syrup as a del'ious table food.
More and more .Afrit has been used every
year. Why? Because it is far better
than molasses or cane syrup for buck
wheat, wheat or other cukes, of which
you know a large quantity is consumed.
It is more delicious and suitable to tho
palate than the cane product, because it
neither sours on the stomach nor clogs.
The time is not far distant when tho
uiiinlo syrup will be used by every family
und every restaurant aud hotel."
"How do confectioners use it?"
"They use more maple sugar than
syrup. They buy the pure product, and
make it into candies of various varieties,
for which the sugar is very suitable.
The price of maple sugar iu cuns aud
tubs is about two cents per pound higher
thun cane sugar."
The blissful elasticity of spirit which a
self-made man is supposed to possess, is
despondency itself compared to that elas
tic buoyancy of soul w hich permeates the
being of the street Arab w ho has learned
! piay a tune on the mouth organ.
ENSIGN EPPS, THE COLOR-BEARER
I Ennigu Epps, at the battlo of FUinders,
Sowed a seed of glory and duty
That flowers and flames in height and bnauty
Like a crimson lily with heart of gold.
To-day, when tho wars of Ghent are old
And bUT-ii-d as deep as their dead eom
mnnders. Fnsign Epps was the color-bearer
No matter on which side, Philip or Eirl;
Their cause was the shell his deed was VhSt
psarL
Scarce more than a lad,' he had been
sharer
Ti " t day in the wildest work of the fluid,
He was wounded and spent, and the fight was
lost;
His comrades were sluin or a scattered hosts,
i But stainless and scatheless out of the strife
I He had carried his colors safer than life,
j By the river's brink, without a weapon or
! shield,
He faced tho victors. The thick heart-mist
j He daahed from his eyes, and the silk be
kissed
Ere he held it aloft in the setting sun,
As proudly as if the fight were won,
And be smiled when they ordered him to
yield.
Ensign Epps, with his broken blade,
Cut the silk from the gilded staff.
Which he posed like a spear till the charge
was made.
And hurled at the leader with a laugh,
The round his breast, like the scarf of love,
He tied the colors hia heart above,
And plunged in his armor into the tide.
And there, in his draw of honor, he died.
Where are the lessons your kinglings tcachf
And what is the text of your proud com
manders? Out of the centuries heroes reach
With the scroll of a deed, with the word of a
story
Of one man's truth and of all men's glory.
Like Ensign Epps at the buttle of Flauders.
John Boyle O'Reilly, in Outing.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Justifiable homicide Sleighing girls.
Citizen.
If a man is to die by inches ho wants
to be tall. Next Turk 2iewg.
A snow-plow is like a bad habit
A good thing to cut adrift. Bo&lon Bul
letin. Jones "Can you always tell a fool?"
Brown "If he doesn't ask too much.
What would you like to know?" Bing
hamton RepuhlicMn.
They are going down to dinner: He
"May I sit on your right hand?" She
"Oh, I think you had better take a chair."
He did. Pari Newt.
Dio Lewis says that hot water will
cure all complaints. In that case im
provident men ought to be extra healthy,
for they are always in it.
Entering the asylum for inebriates, he
asked: "Do you treat drunkards here?"
"Yes, sir," "Well, I'm one. Where's
yer bar?" Chieaijo New.
An exchange says the "fall of tho ska
ting rink has coino." Well, it is time.
The rink has caused enough falls in ita
time. Neto York Graphic.
A brass band has been organized
among tho employes of a Columbus car
riage' factory. They are said to bo musi
cal felloes. Ohio t-tata Journal.
An Eastern physician has published a
work telling how to prevent scars. A
treatise on minding one's own business,
most likely. Chicago Ledger.
In regard to modern languges it is said
that the Chinese is the most difficult. We
find this out when we try to explain to
our Chinese laundryraan that a pair of
our socks is missing. Sifting.
Billy's little sister had fallen and hurt
her nose, and she cried a great deal
over it. Heuring his mother tell her to
be careful lest she'd spoil it next time,
he said: "What's the good of a nose to
her? She never blows it."
Every man ia the architect of his own
fortune, they say, aud it needs but a glance)
to convince the most skeptical that soma
men don't know any more about architect
ture than a hen knows about artiriciui in
cubation. Merrluiid Traveler.
. Man in a carriago (to a farmer in the
field) "That corn doesn't look as
though' you'd get mor'n half a crop."
Farmer iu the field (to man in a carriage)
"Don't expect to. I'm working it on
shares." I mean vou won't get much to
the acre." "Don't expe-jt to; only got
half an acre."
i A.X OPTIMIST'S LAY.
, The buttercups thut gemuiod the vai.
In summer's golden hours are fled;
The wiid rose red, the priinrtso pale,
I The hyacinth till, all are d.d.
I 'o more at morn in beauty's pride
Their tinted petals they "unfold
JL. :;ci!iit the hiww; they diiMd and died
When chill winds swept across the wold.
I
j But why should we their loss deplor.
Why spend our tune in vuin rugreU
i Whuu urtui grinders to our door
Come duily with "fcSweet Violets?"
j Boston Courier.
Four Valuable Instruments,
A correspondent slates that a wealthy
person who was devoted t music died
lately in Paris leaving behind him f mr
stringed instruments, all made by Stradi
varius, which could with dirliculty be
matched. One violin, dated 17:i, the
year of the maker's death, was his last
work, and was named by Stradivariu
the "Swan's Song." Its owner pai
17,000 francs ($:t,4o0) for it. A .second
violin, duted 1704, was purclia.-ed for
12,7."jO francs (2,.5,'iO). The viola dated
1 7JS was bouiflit for 19,000 francs
(::!, NMI), and for the violoncello, inula
iu JUOil, the owner paid l'.'iCO l'ranc
($;l,5uo). Duly authenticated docu
ments attest the origiu of each iiiuru
ineut. -i-Liiidon Tii'us.