THE FOREST REPUBLICAN Ii published ararj Wednesday, bf J. E. WENK. Oitloe In Smearbaugh & Co.'a Building ELM BTRKET, TIONKSTA, r. ' RATES OF ADVERTISING. On Square, on Inch, one insertion. t 1 00 One Square, one Inth, one month..... I 00 One Square, one Inch, three mnnths. M One Square, one loch, one Tear It M Two Squares, one year II 00 Quarter Column, one jear. I M Half Column, one year M SO One Colnmn, one rear ...... .11 M I,c(rl adrertlaementi tea ceits pn line eee la onion. Marriage and death notices gratia, All bills for yearly adTartuements ewlUrted nw terly. Temporary advertisements mast fee p4 In advance. Job work cash on delivery. 4 sl.BO per Year. No snWrlpttoni received for shorter period than three ninntha. Correspondence solicited from ill parts of the oantry. No noilce will be taken of anonymous communication!. VOL, XVIII. NO. 30. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1885. $1.50 PER ANNUM. THE F AIM Kit's THEASURES. The farmer lay dying, and standing around Were his throe sons, for idleness famed; They had novcr put shovel or hoe to the ground, And all share in the toil had disclaimed; But now they were waiting to catch bis last breath, And near him they cngerly pressed To hear what, perchance, he might say before death Of the treasures tliey thought he possessed, "My boys" so ho whispered "I worked for the gold That I now must be iucath unto you, Who never have helped me, though feeble and old, Ai more dutiful children would do. But yet I shall leave all my earnings between You three, now my life's race is run, Treating each, at this moment at though he had been A faithful, affectionate son. "But the treasures are buried deep down in the soil , I shall not name the place where they lie They cannot be roached without patience and toll Which, perhaps, it won't hurt you to try." The farmer was dead, and his sons were nr rayed, An army of workers at last; Every inch of the land was disturbed with the spade, And slolh was a thing of the post. But where was the wealth that their father had said Lay buried deep down in the breast Of the toll? Thoy could get no a 1 vice from the dead ; But ono, less obtuse than tho rest, Saw tho treasures that lay in the newly turned earth; The talo lo his brothors ho told, And next year tho old farm laughed aloud in its mirth And bloomed out In a harvest of gold! Edmund Lyons, in the N. V. Clipper. THE EMBALMED HEART. One evening a poor physician sat In his room in Florcuce, wishing that some Christian soul would have pity upon bis roeagcrly filled purso and fall ill where he should be forced to take the case iu charge. Not tho smallest accident or the most trilling sickness hed come into his bauds in weeks, and starvation was staring him in the face. At this moment a man wrapped in a dark mantle glided into his room, addressing me for I who write am the hiiro of my s'ory by namo: "I need your assistance, doctor," ho said, iu an agitated whimper, "not for the living but for tho dead. My sister, who came here with me on a visit to some relatives from our home in a for eign country, has just died, and before iutcrring her remains in this strange land I desire, according to the custom of our family, to carry away with me her em balmed heart, that so much at least of our beloved one may reposo among the ashes of our kindred. .My mission is to ask if you will assist me in this painful duty. It is necessary that it be dono at night, and quietly, since we do not wish to start the tongues of the gossips, or to allow the servants of the house to become aware of it. Here is the certificate of her death signed by her rogulnr physi cian, and as an earnest of my willingness to make the visit worth your while, al low me to lay this purse of gold upon your table." Seeing the glimmer of the large, bright pieces in tho Humes of my expir ing" lump, I could no longer hesitate. Besido the straightforward manliness of my visitor and his evident emotion quite won my sympathy. I followed him, and after a long walk during tho latter part of which I consented to bo led blind folded we stopped at the small side gate of a large and stately palace Open ing this, wo ascended in 'he dark a winding staircase, emerging iu a dimly lighted corridor. Proceeding me with noiseless footsteps, tho strangei touched the spring of a secret door, which, fly ing back, revealed a lofty chamber lighted by a silver lamp swinging be tween marble columns. Here on a low couch lay the body of a beautiful young girl. "You will excuse my personal attend ance, doctor," said my guide, turning away his face as if to conceal his tears. "It is more thun I cau bear, and I shall wait without until your task is tin ished." After a brief examination ot my sub ject, who lay as if disposed for burial, and noting with interest the fact of her extreme youth and beauty, I prepared to make an incision in the region or the heart. Quickly, but less skillfully than usual, I plunged my long, sharp knife into her breast when, horror un speakable! the dead girl stirred, opened a pair of dark, imploring eyes, moaned once, as tho blood gushed in a current over the bed, and then lay mo tionless as when I had seen her Grst. So completely did this circumstance unnerve me that my hand was paralyzed. Evi dently the case hud been one of sus pended nuiimuion, and the bund that might have rescued tho poor girl from the jaws of death had but served to hurl her into them. Dizzy aud despairiug, cursing the poverty that led me to accept this fatal commission, not dariug to look a second time at my victim upon her blood-stained bier, 1 dashed my knife upon the floor and lied. The door opened easily, but my visitor was nowhere to be seen. My wish now was to avoid him, and I rushed headlong down the long stone staircase into the courtyard, into the street, believing the stars above u thousand watchers sat there totauut me. How I finally reached home I know not, but when I foiiud myself once more in the quiet of my poor room, everything as 1 hud left it, books in their places, the cat purring, my moth er's picture looking at mo with a smile from the frame Above my bed, I felt as if I had been wandering like Cain with a mark upon my brow during a century of woe. Throwing myself upon my couch, I hid my face in my pillow, trying to shut out tho look of her dying eyes. Not until tho day broke did I full in a tortured sleep, awakening from which toward midday with a start I tried to persuade myself that tho event of the night was nothing but a dream. But there in the drawer, where I had locked them on going out, were the gold pieces, a silent but eloquent reminder of my misfortune. Seizing the purse with feverish fingers, 1 set out for a long tramp in tho environs of tho city, deter mined to bury the accursed thing out of my sight forever. In a remote spot on a solitary hillside I made its grave, wish ing that I too might rest beneath the sod. As I walked home, hunger and thirst overpowered me. I gave my last bit of copper to a woman who was milking her cow, receiving in return a draught of the foaming fluid. This sustained me to roach home again, and in the street I met an old comrade, who, railing me on my wild looks-, invited me to breakfast. As I had no dinner tho night before, poor human nature urged me to accept, and with tho hot coffee, tho rolls, tho fruit and sho omelet, a semblance of comfort stole into my heart. While talking with mv friend an undercurrent of thought about the tragedy kept lapping up over every other subject, as the tide comes in that nothing can hold back. Then it occurred to mo to wonder if tho brother, finding my mission unaccomplished, would not return to remonstrate with mo. and to take away the money I had not earned. How could I explain to him the reason of my failure and my flight? Yes, surely, ho would come to seek "me, and as an honest man it was my duty to face him. As to explaining to him, that was another matter. Only ono person in the world could hivvo told that my knife was plunged into n living breast, and not A dead one, nnd she would sneak no more. Why harrow her survivors with the unavailing knowledge of her brief return to life Alter all I hod acted without knowledge! and at the instiga tion of the ono who loved her best. Cer tainly ho loved her, ns brothers rarely love their sisters, it seemed to me. I re called tho shudder with which he turned from a brief glance at the bed of death, and the sob in his voice that came, ap- Foreutly, from mighty grief. Assuredly should see him again. Even now he might be awaiting me at my lodgings. As I rose to go, my friend, who had been carelessly looking over a journal of the morning, read aloud a paragraph an nouncing tliaf. this was tho wedding day of the young Princess N , a Russian beauty, famous of late in Florentine soci ety, who was to marry Prince L , a Roman nobleman, as young, rich and well born as herself. "Let us go to the church door," said Paul, my friend, j 'even if wo are not bidden. A cat may look at the king, and all the world may admire a brido alighting from her car riage." Excusing myself on the plea that my garments did not entitle me to a place even upon the pavement, I broke away from him and returned to my soli tary room. As 1 mounted the steps, I walked slower, dreading the apparition of my visitor of tho previous night. I opened the door to find that the room was empty and undisturbed. But upon my table lay a parcel, and tearing it open I saw within my bloody knife enfolded in a paper on which these words were written : "I return to you your property, my somewhat enrckssnnd decidedly nervous doctor. You w;ll probably never hear from mo again, but considor your gold well earned." A cold sweat broke out upon my brow. Now, indeed, had my feet touched tho waters of a dark and unknown sea. Could it bo that I wus the instrument of a crime! I pass over the anguish of that day. In the evening, able no longer to endure my thoughts, I went out to a cheap cafe where I could venturo to ask for a sim ple meal on trust, since by to-morrow would arrive the small allowance sent me by my widowed mother every month. I asked for little, but I ate les. In my dazed state I wa conscious that people around mo were talking excitedly. By and by some newcomer suggested to havo the story over which they were all gabbling, told counoctedly. " Thus it was that, like a creature in a dream, I heard of tho tragedy with which Flor ence that day was ringing the talo of au infamous attack tho night before upon lovely Princess N , ou the eve of her wedding day, by some unknown miscreant, who, slabbing her while she lay asleep, hud left her there for dead. That sho did not die was a marvel, but the stab, though deep, was not neces sarily mortal. Clearly the assassin's hand must have wavered in its aim. Almost immediately the attendants, roused by some noise in the princess' room, had found her, and by prompt measures the unfortunate lady was re stored to consciousness. Although hardly possiblo that she could survive, the physicians yet gave some hope. Useless to speak of the sorrow befall ing the noble household, or of the young bridegroom thus cruelly robbed of his intended. .Much more was printed and said regarding the murderer, his motive, and the search for him that wus to be set on foot, but for that I cared little. I was ready to deliver myself up at that moment, if it could serve to ex pose the villain who had used me for his tool. When I returned home again to meditate upon the best course for mo lo follow, I found another note from the destroyer of my peace, curt and mys terious as tho preceding. "Fear nothing, doctor. You are safe and unsuspected. Our patient has es caped us." Some years Infer I went ono evening to the opera. Looking up at the srray of beauties above mo I saw her. Never to to be forgotten wns the exceedingly whito skin, with the large, dark eyes nnd hnir of raven blackness. She wore a robe of white, with row after row of priceless pearls around her throat. "That's the beautiful Princess L," said a gos9ip near me. "Sho has just re turned to Florence with her husband for the first time since the tragedy that so nearly cost her life. Do you know there was a rumor that she had been drugged in some powerful fashion before the murder was attompted? But the whole affair was bo hushed up that little was ever really known about it." "Strange that no clew was found to suggest a motive for the crime," rejoined his neighbor. "If sho, young, loving and beloved, was so attacked, who is safe? That handsome man in the back of her box, who is leaning over het shoulder see, he has just withdrawn into the shadow is her husband, I sup pose?" "No, the prince is the slight, youth ful one, who is talking with the lady in velvet. The other yes, there ho comes forward is tho Count do 8., who has been no long absent on his travels in the East. They used to say he was a suitor for her hand, but apparently the fancy is forgotten." There, sitting at her elbow with an air of easy confidence, evidently the trusted and familiar friend of wife and husband I saw my enemy and hers. Chicago Inter- Ocean. A Famous Resort for the Sick. Tho following is the regimen pre scribed to the majority of Carlsbad pa tients. They begin tho day by rising not later thun II and go to the springs. After having drank three glasses of watci at intervals of a quarter of an hour, they walk for an hour and then breakfast. This meal consists of two small rolls ol rusks, a boiled egg, aud a cup of tea, coffee or chocolate. It may be noted in passing that the custom is for each per son to buy his rolls or rusks at a baker's shop and carry them to the place where the rest of the breakfast is provided. Tho hourof dinner is from lto 2 o'clock; as a table d' hote is unknown in Carls bad, each person or party dines opart in a restaurant. Three courses constitute the dinner, consisting of soup, roast most and a dish of vegetables, or, in place of vegetables, a little stewed fruit. A quarter of a bottle of red Austrian wine may be drunk ot dinner, and this is mixed with Giesshubler, a f park ling and very pleasant tuble water. At 5 o'clock a cup of tea, of coffee, of choc olate, or a glass of water is permitted to those who require something. Supper is taken at 7 o'clock, and this is conliued to cold meat, bread, and wine mixed with water. Between breakfast and din ner a bath is taken every other dav, and all spare time between meals is passed in walking. After a well-spent day, in which the patient has displayed the self denial of an anchorite and has covered as much ground as if he were in training for a walking-match, ho goes to bed be tween 9 and 10 o'clock, there to rest his weary limbs and dream of dining with Lucullus. Tho course of treatment lasts from three to six weeks. -Patients undergoing tho treatment urc advised to keep up their spirits, forget worldly cares, and amuse themselves by contemplating the beauties of nature. If any have been accustomed to smoke tobacco they are allowed to do so in moderation, but sub ject to the condition that they never smoke at the springs in the morning and that they always smoKo good cigars. Patients arc also advised to avoid excit ing conversation ; to refrain from going to the theatres when tragedies are per formed ; to read light literature only and newspapers in particular; to listen to good music when they have the opportu nity, and to abstain from everything which fatigues or distresses them. So far as catiug or drinking is concerned, the hotel and restaurants proprietors do not heartily co-operate with physicians in keeping patients out of temptation. Everywhere notices are displayed to the effect that the food or drink displayed it "kurge mass," a word for which there is no English equivalent, its meaning being that the articles in question arc suitable to be taken during the treat ment. But, as manv persons visit Carls bad who do not drink the waters, pro vision has to bo mude for them also. London Times. Forecasting Tornadoes. If tho knowledge of tornadoes gained by solar observation were combined witt that gained by the signal service, a great advance in the science of meteorolog might be made. It may yet be possible by combined effort to locate a tornado path before tho destruction occurs. Tho only case in which the forecasting of a tornado track would have been accurate was that which destroyed Rochester. Minn. Upon the previous appearance of the same solur storm a train of cars was swept from the track not far from Rochester. At tho next appcurance of the sun storm by the sun's revolution Rochester was destroyed. I'pon the J third appearance a tornado occurred to the north of Rochester. But this coin cidence was not sufficient to establish a basis for locating tornado puths, al though it may help to determine a method. Rochester briiwrat- Chronicle. The Difference. 0 This is nit apple, large nd round, At the top ot the barrul always found. This the apple small and mean, Always at Uie bottom seen. Sridgtuattr Independent. niE PEOPLE OF LABRADOR. UNIQUE PEASES OF LirH IS TEE FAR WORTH. touch Hemp. Perrlied on Bare trk Wlntrr I'.lglit nonlh. I,oig- A Dreary Existence. If environment molds a people, then tho Labradorcani should have strong traits. The climate, tho unique features of the country, the undisputed supre macy of tho sea, the isolation from the world all their circumstances, indeed are so strongly marked as to be irresist ible. Tho population of tho Canadian part of the coast down to the boundary lino at Blanc Pablon is of French origin, Canadian and Acadian; the Newfound land part of Labrador tho Strait of Bolle Isle and the Atlantic const is in habited by English-speaking people. Moravians and Esquimaux are found in tho far North. The French Canadians consist of two classes; a part of them como here every spring to fish for the merchants, and return every fall to their families and small homesteads between Quebec and Gaspe; othets live here per manently, own little isolated establish ments, and fish on their own account. The Acadians have collected in two principal settlements, Esquimaux Point and Natashquan, where they have their schools, priests, churches, and some other features of village life. 1 was fortunate in being storm-stayed at a few of these French Canadian homes, where I found now and then a person able to give mo some account of tho summer and winter life of the peo ple. To begin with external and ma terial things, the average home of Labra dor generally consists of a rough board dwelling, with two rooms and a garret, n small dock and storehouse for receiv ing, cleaning, curing and storing fish, and two or three open fishing boats. All these buildings perch like anxious water fowls on the bare rocks; they never im press me ns homes, for they make for themselves no niche or place in the sur face of the earth; you expect them to be washed or blown away at the next gale ns they sometimes are. For the sake of being near the Ashing grounds these shelters are generally established on some outlying island offering a mooring or else a beach for the boats; they seem to bo banished from the earth as far as possible seaward. They stand up gaunt, stark naked in the gales, in the midst of a desert of sea nnd rocks. In the best places there may be in a hol low a little sand, enriched with dacaying fish, where a few turnips and cabbages manage to show themselves during a brief season. You get a gleam of hope and horror on beholding a gaunt scaffold about eighteen feet high; but it is not a gallows for the ending of life, only a platform for keeping the frozen fish "for dog meat. Tho interior of these homes is not quite so distressing as their hard surroundings, for the human hand in doors can make its mark, which is not always a clean one. The furniture, diet, costumes, are rough and common place; but the people are courteous and kind, and they observe well their religious rites. Their isolation is such that they keep the run of time by marking the davs of the week on the door post. An exception to this dreariness is to be met here and there, at a light house, or at tho homo of a merchant I asked nn intelli gent fisherman how ho could content himself in such a place. 'Well, sir, I expect we're fools to stay here. The worst of it is, our children aro growing up as ignorant as we are just like the dogs. Hardly any ot us can read or write. Our houses are too far apart to get the children together for school, excepting at Esquimaux Point, Natashquan and Mutton bay. TheD, too, we enn't see the'priest more than once or twice a year, and that's very inconvenint about dying, for pleurisy and consump tion are very headstrong. And there is no doctor at all, nor any roots or herbs for medicines. We keep alivo on pain killer nnd salts that the traders sell. It's a hard life, and we don't live to be very old. We have to do all our own work jack-of-all-trades, you know. When we came here to live, my wife and I cut all the timber in tho winter for building these houses, sawed it by hand in a pit, and in the spring rafted it down tho river." The social season of Labrador is the winter. There is no lishing thou to keep people at home; cutting wood ond a little hunting arc the only occupations. Wiuter lasts about eight months; when the channels among the islands and the bays are frozen over, dog teams can run up and down the coast for threo hundred inilcs from Mingan to Bonne Esperance. People then go visiting; they carry no Erovisions, for everybody keeps open ousc, and the little cabins aro often packed with people and dogs. The winter homes, as a rule, are back some miles from the const, where wood is handy. Several families who fish at Whale Head live ou a swamp in wiuter, where the tread of a man ulong the street shakes every house. The Abbe Ferlaud says that in bin time about fifty years ngo the hospitality of the coast was such tho penplu on going away from home used to leave food, and sometimes even money, on the table, and the doors unlocked, that needy travelers might enter and help themselves. But tho ad vent of moro travelers iu these days has led to more caution and less generosity. These fishermen are not behind other seafaring men in ei'her the number of their superstitions or the faith they re poso in them. But Labrador, in time, will doubtless produce still more aston ishing results in this regard; for what other region on earth offers Buch elemen tal powers, such weird scenes, such im pressive hardships and honors f Here is a regiou without a mile of road iu three thousand miles of coast; I never else where appreciate a wheel and it horse hhoe. Some of these people have no idea of the shape and size of a cow or a horse, and they flee like hares at the coming of a stranger. Lawlessness often prevails, and those who are in need do not hesi tate to break open stores and help them selves.' But their most astonishing traits are laziness nnd improvidence here in sight of Ihenrt-rending hardship and want. Labrador, however, was formerly a sea of plenty; fishing, scaling, trap ping, gave even tho indolent a sure, though a miserable living. In n few weeks the average man could catch fish enough to exchange with traders for tho necessaries of life. This enabled him to idle away three-fourths of the year, and relieved him of any sense of respon-jf bility. But now fish, oil, and fur are no longer so abundant. The average fami ly spends about one hundred dollars per year to get only the absolute necessities of life: and yet the government is obliged very often to distribute flour nnd pork to prevent actual starvation; and it offers free passage and work to those who will leave the coast. The lazy de pend upon the industrious, the provis ions are shared, and if navigation is tardy, tho first sail is watched for in tho spring with eagerness. Harper' t Maga zine. An Iron Hand In Reality. Whilo passing down Dupont street near the academy of sciences recently, a Chronicle reporter observed a mau pounding away on a nail with his hand. It was in a blacksmith's shop which opens on the street. The nail seemed to penetrate further and further into the wood, and the man did not appear to feel as if tho striking of his hand against tho nail hurt him at all. Approaching nearer, the reporter saw that the hand was made of iron. The steel-fisted man said that while participating in a Fourth of July celebration in Marysville in 1804 he lost his right arm at the elbow by the premature explosion of a cannon. Being a blacksmith and key fitter, the loss com pelled him to abandon his trade. For five years he wandered about the coun try, doing one thing or another. One day, while in a blacksmith's shop in Val lejo, the idea entered his head to fabri cate an artificial hand out of iron. He gave his directions and had the contriv ance he now wears manufactured. It con sists of a steel cylinder about four or live inches long. To this is affixed a leacher apparatus, which enables him to adjust the artificial hand on the stump of his arm. The stump fits into the apparatus and is carefully strapped. The hand may then be used as a hammer, and tho dents in the steel show how much it has been so applied. The deficiency of fingers to grasp a file is supplied in the following manner: A long hole projects into the bnso of the cylinder, into which a file or knife may be screwed. This is properly tightened, nnd the loss of fingers is not felt. If the iron-handed man desires to Eick up anything ho adjusts a peculiar ook or instrument resembling a chisel, and he can bring to his reach anything he may require. Beside the heavy hand, which he generally uses for hard work, he has a more delicate apparatus of brass, manufactured by himself, for easy work. He says that he has worn tho steel hand for sixteen years, and he has grown to regard it with great affection. Ho scarcely feels the loss of his natural hand. As he hammers or tiles at saws behind his little glass window ou Du pont street, the passers by gaze curiously. San Francisco Chronicle. ( Keeping His Balance. There U a story, told among the Tar tars, which has a moral for the civilized men of the present day. It is to this effect: Robo, cousin of the Great Mogul, was condemned to death for participa. tion in a rebellion. The most skilful swords in the empire was provided for tho execution, and tho Gieat Mogul and his court were present as spectators. The thin, keen blado flashed in the sunlight and descended upon the bare neck of Robo, who stood upright to receive tho stroke. The executioner's work was so deftly done that though tho head was severed, not a vital organ was disturbed. Robo remained standing. "What, Robo, art thou not behead ed?" exclaimed the Great Mogul. "My lord, I am," replied Robo, "but as long as I keen mv balance right, my head will not full off." The Great Mogul was placated, a ban dago was put on Robo's neck and he re covered. Ho afterward becamo a loyal subject and was made cashier of tho em pire, becaus", us tho Great4Mogul re marked : "Ho knows that if ho keeps his bal ance right, his head will nut come oil." Building u Bruin. Our present lifo is signalized by a union between soul and body. AU at tempts to disturb the harmouv of this marriage tie are futile and mischievous. Tho devotees of India crawl into cuves, cultivate long hair and dirt, and starve nnd torture themselves to emphasize their hatred of these vile imprisoning bodies. They devoutly believe that the soul can rise only as it climb's on the ruins of the body. This struggle to di vorce the soul from the body has ap peared among many peoples. We have not altogether escaped it. With many of us a pule, languid woman is more of a lady than a rosy, robust one; and a sepulchral clergyman more of it saint than a broad chested, fun-loving ono. We are just beginning to uppreheud the spirit of the old Greek, uud to re gard the body as an honorable uud beautiful puit of man. Already we speak of building u perfect body, crowned by perfect brains us at once tho greatest problem and grainiest hope of the race. lio J.etci.i. Conuecticut is the only State iu the l iiioii, it is said, whose legislature re tains judicial functions. The Connecti cut legislature is still a supreme court in ouuity. A NEW POEM BY BURNS. A poem by Robert Burns, hitherto unpub lished, has boen found in one of tho poet's manuscript excise books, and is given to the world by the Dramatic Review of London, which endorses it as genuine. It 1 entitled "Youth," nnd is ns follows: Y'outh Is the vision of a morn That flioi the coming day; It is the blossom on the thorn. Which wild winds sweep away; It is the image of the sky In glassy waters seen, When not a cloud appears to fly Across the blue serene. But, when the waves begin to roar And lift their foaming head, The morning stars appear no more And all tho beavon is fled. 'Tis fleeting as the passing rays Of bright electric fire That flash about with sudden blaze. And in that blaze expire. It is the morning's gentle gale, That as it swiftly blows Scarce seems to sigh across the vale Or bend the blushing rose. But soon the gathering tempests soar And all the sky deform ; The gale becomes the whirlwind's roar. The sigh an angry storm. For Care, and Sorrow's morbid gloom, And heart-corroding Strife, And Weakness, pointing to the tomb, Await the Noon of Life, HUMOR OF THE DAT. Bred upon tho waters Reared at sea. One rent paid is worth a dozen in your pants. Waterloo Observer. "What is ease?" asks u philosopher Ease is a thousand-dollar salary and a hundred dollar job. Puck. A school journal advises, "Make the school interesting," That's what the small boy tries to do to tho best of his ability. Burlington Free 1'rcss. It is wrong for married women o make fun of old maids. They would have been old maids themselves if they hadn't got married. Somerville Journal. He was a bore and he remarked to the 'editor: "I wish I could leave town;" and the editor answered, "I wish you could," uud the conversation ceased. Boston Post. Lilla M. Cushman, the poetess, says: "My bac'r is almost broken with this weary, weary load." She ought to make her husband carry up the coal. Burling ton Uaukeye. An exchange refers to a young phy sician in a neighboring town as a dude. It is inferred that when he lances a boil is not the only time he "cuts a swell." A'orrintotcn herald. In some parts of Europe men drink cologne instead of liquor. When a man comes home very late in those countries his wife is puzzled to decide whether he has been in a saloon or a barbar shop. Wchmond Whi'j. Little boy, beware! The good, kind lady who gives you gingerbread to day, when you come over to play with her little boys und girls, may bo your mother-in-law some day in the rosy future Merchant- Trawler. "A sixteen-year old girl" in the Boston Globe asked for a remedy for too hard hands, und a "Mother" in Maiden sent in the following heroic remedy: A sixteen-year old girl can soften aud whiten her hands by soaking them in dish water three times every day. She took his watch, aud said to him: "When you have learned to do The things 1 ask, and you forget, I'll give it back to you." Thnt evening when she asked, in tones Of confidence sublime, "Kay, did you get it' "No," he said, "I didn't have the time.' Merchant-Trawler. A New York physician has written an article entitled "Kissing as a Medium of Communicating Disease." It has long been known that kissing causes a species of heart disease which terminates in matrimonial fever, nnd tho victim dies sooner or later. Generally lator. Nor riitoicn JleialJ. Erudite grocer (balancing a can of peaches in his hand) "My dear madam, did you know that wo really knew noth ing about canning fruit and vegetables until the ruins of Pompeii were uncov ered, nnd splendid suecimens recovered, canned over twenty centuries ago!" Snap pish lady customer "No, I didn't know it. But" I did know your canned goods were very old. How long before you will have your stock from Pompeii worked off?" Chicago Tribune. A farmer wns hoeing hard on his patch of laud when one of those town loafers approached tho fence. "Hello, Fanner I!., what do you think of tho outlook?" "Whut outlook?" "Why, the business outlook." "Didn't know there was one." "We nre all talking about it down nt the store, and they sent me to hear what you had to say." "Oh, yes, I see; well, tell 'em if they will stop talking and go to hoe ing that the country will prosper without any outlook. Do vou hear' Snake F.ut Snake. The following snake story is rolled by a gentleman of uuq i -limed veraci ty, says a recent Zanesvide i1 hioi letter: Whilu harvesting a few days ;!; :i party of men on the farm of J. R. r,. in Madison township, Perry count;, a few miles from here, killed an i.nu 'ally large black suuko, which had tho tail of another snake slicking out of its mouth. I'pon pulling them apart the snake which the black snake had swallowed was found to bo three and a half feet long. A large knot iu the body of the inner snake attracted their attention, and upon examination the men wore wonder sun ken to tied that the smaller suake hud also been cuuuiisulizing, u full sized ground s piirrul being found iu its stomach.