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VOL. XVIII. NO. 3.
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TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 6, 1885.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
;en of i
anonymous
cumiuuiiicauoni,
EPIGRAMMATIC OEMS.
A FOP.
A fop Is one who taken great palm
About everything except his brains.
A CAriTAt. INVESTMENT.
If I had a fortune ot gold to invest,
It would causo littlo worry or troublln';
To Ireland I'd wind it, that ''Isle of the
Bloat,"
Where the Capital always in Dublin.
THE BWKKT BU Y-AND-BY.
"By and by is cosily said." Hamlet
At Jones and hit wife so buxom and sweet
Taased a milliner's shop on thoir way down
the street,
Where a "duck of a bonnet" she chanced to
espy,
And with words most seductive she coaled
him to buy.
"It's only twelve dollars ; come, dear, let's go
buy it."
'All right," repliod Jones, and passed on;
"let's go by it I"
SYMBOLIC LOVE.
My love for U will ne'er D K
Nor ever grow 0 loss ;
1 0 U both night and day,
& love U 2 X 8.
rOETRY VS. PROSE.
Success is the poetry of life as it goes,
for w find, to our cost, ita re-verses are
proso.
A 'ard 'it.
CfC the letter h throughout their land,
The English seom to have a dread ;
They've seldom got it in their 'and,
And never in thoir 'cad.
AX ENIGMA.
From majesty take head and tail,
Be sure, nn I leave tho rest :
Then, if you do, you caunot fail
To see it's but a jest.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
THE LOST I. 0. U.
Some men seem to tnko naturally to
whatever promises to bo unfortunate to
them, and it must have been in a blind
obedience to this law that Charles Day
Insisted on regarding Jonas Terry as his
friend. There was nothing in common
between the men but a love for Josio
Merritt, and such a circumstance is not
usually conducive to friendly feeling.
Charles had wavy brown hair, a pleas
ant face, and a lino tenor voice. Jonas
kept his hnir cut after somo penitentiary
fashion, his features were thick and
ommonplaco, and he had a short, stumpy
figure. Their mental differences were
quite as great: Charles was rapid and
bright, Jonas slow and secretive; Charles
also was affectionate and prodigal, .Tonus
saving and prudent, and Inclined to
make a merit of always looking out for
himself, Both were young men of some
fortune and position, but Jonas alone
wos in business. Charles lived upon tho
rents of his property, and ;dovoted his
time to tho ladies in general, and to
Josie Merritt in particular.
One evening iu June the v sat together
in tho library of Charles' line house.
They had bvcu discussing some summer
plans and Onirics said,
". Leave oil griuding at that money
mill of yours, Jonas, and come with mo;
we shall have a pleasant month's cruise."
"I cannot possibly do it. To tell tho
truth, I am in a very tight place, and Jt
is a bad time for raising money."
"How much do you want?"
"About twclvo thousand."
"Will ten thousand do?"
"Yes; ten would put me out of straits.
In fact, ten thousand now might be
worth fifty thousand to me."
Charles walked to his secretary, and
unlocking it, counted out the amount iu
bills, and handed thum to his friend,
laying:
"Just g'.ve mo your I. O. U., Jonas,
for two months after date. Will that be
long euough?"
"Von don't mean this, Charles?"
"Why, yes, 1 do, old fellow. It is
not much of a kindness, after nil. You
see, Merritt paid nio my quarter's rents
to-day, and 1 ihall bo sure to spend all
before the quarter is over if I keep the
money where I can get at it. In two
months I shall be out of funds, and in
the height of the season. It is a plan
of mine to secure ton thousand for a
clcariug up in September."
''Thank you, Charles. I will accept
the lodn"with pleasure, and if you should
need it before, why, just drop me aline.
I shall be out of trouble long before Sep
tember. "
The young man then drew a pen and
some paper toward him, wrote out the I.
O. U., and handed it to his friend, ob
serving, as he did so, "Allow me to say,
Charles, that it is foolish to keep so
much money here. Put it with your
banker."
''Certainly. Merritt paid mo
thi&i afternoon. It was so hot
when he left I thought 1 would not
go down-town until the morning. There
is no (lunger. Nobrdy but you and
Merritt uud myself knows anjthiug
about it."
Then he lifted tho I. O. U., glanced
at it, uud rose to put it in hi secretary;
' but as ho was crossing the room Jonas
Slid, "I heard to-day that Josie .Merritt
, to marry Lieutenant Price."
In tin instant tho yotingumn's thoughts
ere diverted front his money affairs.
, lie was much excited ut tho informa
tion, refused to believe it, uud went over
. apd oer, with a passionate earnestness,
his reasons for being certain that such a
thintr could not be.
"Why," he kept repeating," "I have
nown her ever since she was a little tut
, crirl. I carried her books to school ;
L went with her to the dancing class;
her father has been my lawyer ond my
adviser; I have been as much
at home in Merritt's house as in my own.
Pooh! tho thing is impossible. Josie
never would treat mo like that. , won't
believe it."
"Go and ask her a straightforward
question."
"I can't. It is too Into to-night, and
I leave by tho noon train to morrow. I
intended to have that matter fully un
derstood this summer, but I was in no
hurry. A love affair is all spoiled when
papa and mnmma and the lawyer and
the world como into it. I have told
Josio that, and sho and I understand
one another. Will you be calling there
soon, Jonas?"
"1 will try, if you wish it.
"They leave town in a few days, but
call before, if you can, and send me word
if you sec anything of tho lieutenant,"
"1 will. Lock up your secretary,
Charles; I sen it is still open. I am very
much obliged very much."
"All right. You aro very welcome I
am just putting ten thousand safely
away for when I need it."
Charles was much annoyed at what he
had heard, but ho did not forget his sec
retary. It had a secret drawer, and wafl
capable of being fastened by three in
tricate locks. He carefully secured all
three, and then sat down to smoke and
think over again tho absurdity of Josie
caring for any one but himscif. In half
an hour ho was satisfied that tho thing
was impossible, ond ho rose rather wea
rily, determined to sleep upon his faith in
her love.
As ho passed the tabic ho saw a piece
of paper that at tracted him ; it was Jonas'
I. O. U. Ho had forgotten to put it
away, and it was too much trouble to
unlock tho secretary again. Ho hesitated
a moment where to secure it, but almost
instantly selected a place ho considered
singularly safe, deposited it there, and
then went to bed and to sleep.
Tho next day he went to Newport.and
there waited impatiently the advent of
tho Merritts. Before ho got any letter
from Jonas, Josio herself had satisfied
hi in. They had a charming stroll to
gether, in which everything was talked
over, and left Charles in what he consid
ered a very happy and enviable posi
tion. Nothing marred the heaven of their
next two months. At tho end of that
time tho.rcckless lover begun to be in
want of unds, and as he had heard
nothing from Jonas, he determined to go
to New York and collect his I. O. U. He
had not a care on his heart about it until
he had searched his secretary again and
failed to find the paper. He lit a cigar,
and sat down to think. Then he sud
denly remembered that ho had found the
paper after he had locked his secretary,
and that ho had hid it. He even re
membered tho littlo laugh of delight
with which he had put it in such a capi
tal place. But what place? He could
not remember that.
The room, us said before, was the li
brary, nnd the walls were covered to a
considerable height with books, tho top
of 'tho shelves being ornamented with
busts, Indian boxes, and Chinese cabi
nets and jars. He looked behind all the
books, opened those within easy reach,
rifled the boxes and rabinuts, and peeped
into all the vases. The search was con
tinued he.lf through tho night, but tho
paper was not found.
Ho tried to think that it was of no
consequence, but somehow his heart
failed him. Early next day he went to
the otlice of Jonas Terry, and found him
there. Jonas was busy writing, but he
lifted his head with a smile, and rose
heartily to greet his friend.
"Jonas," said Charles, with a puzzled,
eager look, "that I. . U. I have lost
it. Searched everywhere all night for it,
and can't lay my hands on it."
"Whut I. O. t. f"
"The ono you gave me ' for tho ten
thousand dollars I leut you in June.
After you went I sat down to think
about josio Merritt, and when I was get
tiug bleepy I found it on the table. I
was too lazy to unlock my secretary
again, and I hid it somewhere; or else I
thought I hid it, and left it about, and
tho servants have swept it uway. How
ever I will give you an acknow'edge
ment that will cover all possible claim if
cverit I should turn up. That will do,
you know."
"You must be dreaming, Charles. I
know nothing about an 1. O. U-, and I
don't at all seo whut you are drifting
at."
"Jonas! You could not bo such a
scoundrel! Y'ou are ioking, of course."
"Mr. Day, 1 request you to leave my
office at once, sir. I am not to be bullied
or black-mailed in this way, I assure
you."
Then Charles struck tho scoundrel, and
there was such an uproar of words and
blows that the police were culled in, and
tho alliiir became EulHciently public, and
indeed went into tho courts. Of course
Charles got tho worst it it every way.
llo had uo particle of ovidence to show
for his claim; ho was fast, fashionable,
and extravagant, while Jonas was uni
versally spoken of us "estimable uud re
liable." Society turned the cold
shoulder toward him, and mothers for
bade their daughters to ride in his com
pany or accept hiin for a partner iu the
dance. "But then," as Airs. Merritt
shrewdly said, "his engagement to our
Josio has just become known."
It was remarkable that after this quar
rel Jonas Terry's business grew with an
amazing rapidity, l'erhaps the saving
of that ten thousand had been lha turning-point
of his fortune, We all know
how tho want of a tive-dollar-bill can
sometimes lose us an amount amazingly
disproportionate. Socially, too his suc
cess was very great. He married a beau
tiful, stylish woman, who fully shared
his antipathy to the Days, and who
never lost an opportunity of mortifying
them: and social slights are bit,ter
enough to those whose whole life turns
upon social success. In fact Mr., and
Mrs. Jonas Terry, with their grand house
and exclusive entertainments and fine
turn-out, were tho Mordccai sitting in
the gate of all Charles' and Josio's hap
piness. Many a time the two had gone together
over everything in tho room, taken every
book from the shelves, and examined
every crevice in the cases, but all in
vain. Tho I. O. U. was evidently lost,
and Charles Miid, after every fresh search
and disappointment, "No use, Josie; I
tell you everything goes against honor
and virtue. If you want to bo pointed
out as a pattern of all excellencies, you
must be in secret a natural and practical
villain."
So the years went by fifteen of them.
Tho I. O. U. was not forgotten. They
lived in a society where people have lit
tle clso to do but remember the antece
dents of its members, and Charles Day
and his wife very often felt the influence
of Jonas' accusation. The two men
never spoke. If they passed each other
on tho drive Jonas cracked his whip of
fensively, or Mrs. Terry looked scornfully
at the shrinking couple, but thoy had
long ago said all to each other that it
was possible to say.
In the fifteenth summer after the loan
Charles went yachting, and on one
memorable night was shipwrecked. Al
most by a miracle, and after he had sunk
thrice, he was rescued. The first words
he uttered to his wife were: "Josie, I
have found the I. O. U. Write down
just what I say: "Shakespeare, Knight's
Edition, vol. iv., page 213, fourth com
partment, lourth shelf, fourth book."
Josie wrote it down ; but he was so
restless lest anything should now happen
to the library that ho returned to New
York as soon as there was the least
safety in doing bo. When he arrived at
home ho went straight to the library,and
putting his hand on a certain volume,
opened it at the page he had indicated,
and there was tho lost I. O. U.
"When I was drowning, Josie, the last
time I sunk, everything 1 ever did be
came in a moment's flash clear as day to
me, and I saw myself putting the note
in tho place I found it. It is wouderful.
But it is true, and, Josio dear, thank Godl
my nemo will be cleared at last."
Tho clearing of his name was Charles'
first thought, but after it curae tho very
satisfactory one of muking Jonas pay
the principal and interest due him. "And
after this is done, Josie, I shall sue him
for defamation of character, and make
him pay for every insolence."
This was no idle threat. Tho next
morning Charles' lawyer confronted the
false-hearted scoundrel with his I. O. U.
and entered proceeding at once to re
cover. Jonas at first tried to compro
mise, but this offer Charles indignantly
rejected. "I want the world to see," he
said, "that though punishment for a
cowardly wicked deed be long delayed,
it is sure to come."
And perhaps tho social and commer
cial world in which these two men
moved never had a more vivid illustra
tion of this truth. Tho business that
had been built upon a fraud and a
wrong crumbled away as if touched by
some withering blight. The court
awarded Charles Day principal and full
interest, and a subsequent action for de
famation gave him, in reparation for his
fifteen years' slandered name, fifty thous
and dollars.
But by that time the firm of Jonas
Terry was unable to meet such a claim.
He shut his doors in dishonor, and lied
in the darkness of night from the thous
ands whom he had robbed.
"It is a great punishment," said Josio.
sorrowfully: "and he has four little
boys."
"It was a great crime Josie; and the
wrong to my-purse was the least part of
the wrong."
But Mrs. Terry, sitting in her wrecked
homo, took a different view of the case.
"Charles Day is entirely to blame," she
said. "His weakness and his laziness
threw tho tcmpatiou into Jonas's way.
It is tho weak men that make the
wicked ones. Harper's "Weekly.
Farms on the Baltic.
A more beautiful farming country does
not exist than that along the southern
shore of tho Baltic. No fences mark the
boundaries of tho fertile farms which
stretch away ovvr tho rolling hills to the
distant horizon, nil aglow with yellow
grain. At intervals a clump of trees
often seen intensely dark against the
ripo grain shows where a fatnihouse
stands, and giant windmills swing their
sails on the highest hill-tops. Tho high
way, a fiuely built chaussee.leads straight
across the country, only curving to puss
through some village. Mountain ash,
birch and cherry trees border the road in
an unbroken rank. In tho ditches and
by the roadside grow countless varieties
of wild flowers a perfect paradise for
the botanist. Fro.n the highest hill the
eye meets to the South a succession oi
grain fields. To the North, beyond the
soft undulations of the cultivated hills,
the Baltic shimmers in the strong suu
light, a narrow line, sharp at tho hori
zon. The dimensions of the brick barn9
prove the accustomed magnitude of the
harvest; the luxury of the farmers'
houses tells of inherited success. liar
vert Magazine.
Cure for Drunkenness or Morphinism,
Dr. Fleischl, of Vienna, doc-lares that
morphinism, alcoholism, and similar
habits can now be cured rapidly and
painlessly by means of coeaiu chloride.
The method is very simple a with
drawal, either gradual or abrupt and
complete, or the habitual intoxicant, and
treatment of the nervous and other syui
toius which arises therefrom by means ol
hypodermic injections of the coeaiu.
Ho claims Ihut in ten days a euro ma;
be affected in any case. Tho dose ol
cocain chloride, hypodermic-ally, is from
one twelfth to ono-fourth of a gruiii, dis
solved in water, repeated us necessary.
Natumal Druggist.
THE WILD HOG OF TEXAS.
A STOBT OF THB PECCARY'S XHDOKZ
TABLE COTJB.AOE.
A Drove Tackles a ItallroaA Train
and Die on the Track Hunting;
the Peccary.
"I'll never forget the first time I ran
into a drove of peccaries," said an Eric
locomotive engineer, recalling some of
his experiences.
"A drove of peccaries 1" said the re
porter, and his tone must have grated
on tho engineer, for he replied, testily:
"Yes, a drove of peccaries. You'll
admit, I s'pose, that there are peccaries?
Didn't you ever hear that they ran in
droves?"
"Oh, certainly I" said the reporter.
"But they're down in South America,
Mexico, or Central America, some
where," "Aro they? Thank you!" said the
engineer. "Did you s'pose I thought
they were rooting 'round in this railroad
yard? Had you an Idea they were chasing
the beechnut and the acorn up along the
Erie line? I know where peccaries are,
and I think I ought to. And it wasn't
in South America, Mexico, nor Central
America that I met 'em, neither. It
was in Texas, and, as I said before, I'll
never forget tho first time I ran into a
drove of 'em.
"I had gone down to take a job on a
Texas railroad, like a good many other
sap-headed railroaders from tho North.
I didn't know any more about Texas
than well, than you do, but 1 went
down there to run a train, and I thought
I could do it. I got a passenger train,
and had a fireman who was from the
North. I had got the hang of the road
fairly, and was biling along one doy
through a pieco of woods when all of a
sudden my fireman hollers:
" 'Jewhillikins ! yonder's a drove of
hogs on the track !'
"Sure enough, about three train
lengths ahead was a big drove of the
ugliest-looking hogs I ever saw. They
were taking their time in walking across
the track. At first I thought I'd sock on
the brakes and try to stop, but on sec
ond thought I made up my mind that it
would b3 safer to cut through the drove
with full head on. I pulled her wido
open and let the whistle sing. Of course,
I thought the sound of the whistle would
scare the hogs and likely cause 'em to
scatter and make au opening for me.
But the minute they heard the sound
they all stopped dead, and the ones that
had got off the track came crowding
back to get on again. Every hog bris
tled up and showed fight, and when I
struck 'em they were standing there like
a wall to receive me. Of course the en
gine knocked 'cm right and left, and
cut a swath through the drove
like a red-hot iron through a piece of
butter, but the ones that were left flew
fiercely at the wheels of the cars as they
passed, and were crushed to death by
the dozen. When we got through them
I looked back, and there stood the rem
nant of the drove, as defiant as
ever.
" 'Well,' says I to my fireman, 'is that
grit?'
" 'Is it?' says ho. 'Is No. 4 sandpaper
grit?'
"Funny looking bogs, ain't they?'
says I.
" 'No Berkshire in 'em, you bet," says
ho.
"So when we got to the next station I
says to the agent :
" 'I rau into a drove 'o somebody!
hogs back yonder, and killed a couple
dozen 'o them. I s'pose we'll find out
f whose they are when the suit for dam
ages comes in to the company,' says I,
as I pulled out. The agent just laid down
and howled, and I wondered whut ailed
him. When wo got to the end of the
run I was telling a native railroader
about the drove of ugly hogs, and he
says:
" 'Oh that's nawthin.' Them's pec'
ries. Lucky you didn't stawp yer
train.'
" 'Why?' says I.
"Why!" says he. 'Waal, ef ye had
a stawped them pee'ries 'd a bounced
inter yer cab quicker'n a t'rantuly kin
kill k mouse, 'an thud a chawed ye up
thrum yer cow-lick down to yer last
bunion. Then thud a ground
ed them there cars, an' the
fust galoot that would 'a opened a
door thud a chuwed him up. Aricr a
day or so tho comp'ny 'd a missed tho
train an' 'd a sent another ingine out to
look it up, an' when tho ingineer found
it an' stawped his ingino to hook on to
it, them pee'ries 1 a bounced on his
ingine an' chawed him up, an' so it'd a
gone on, an' tho business o' the road 'd a
suffered.'
"'According to that,' says I, 'the
peccary must bo a pusher.'
"Got more viin in him.' says the
native, 'than ony other citizen o' Texas
'cept the centipede. He'll make ye laugh.
The pee'ry's got a mem'ry longer'n thrum
h'yer to New Orleans, too, an' the
chances is that you'll meet them fellers
agin that ye see to-day. Mind ye, now!
Don't stuwp yer injiue.'
"Sure as guns, when we went back
next day, there in the very same spot
was the remnant of that drove of pec
caries. " ' Waitin' for us, by gravy ! said my
fireman.
" So they were. As we tore down on
'cm they braced up and met us face to
1 face. They sprang at the wheels, grabbed
I at the sido rods, and fought every truck
in the train as the cars passed them. A
dozen or more of them were killed. The
peccaries didn't follow us, but when we
went back on the next trip, there, at the
same spot, wass posted all that was loft
of the drove, evidently waiting to re
venge the death of their compan
ions. The drove was reduced to
twelve. Tho twelve planted thcui
i selves square n the truck, facing us,
I and never moved aa inch at we dashed
upon 'cm and scattered 'em right and
left along the rails. Looking back after
the train had passed the spot, we saw
one solitary peccary left alive out of the
drove. I told the native at the end of
the run, about the persistent pluck of
the peccaries and about killing them all
but one.
" 'I don't s'pose we'll see him again,'
said I.
" 'Oh, he'll be thar!' said tho native.
'Ye kin bet a bucket o' liquor he'll be
thar! Pee'ries don't know setch a thing
as backin' out of a fight. He'll be
thar.'
"And he was there. We could -see
him for a milo ahead of us, when we
went back next day, standing plump in
the middle of the track, or, rather, squat
ting on his haunches, waiting for us. It
seemed a pity to run him down. He rose"
to his feet as we drew near him and
rushed forward to meet us. The engine
struck him and hurled him fifty feet out
into the woods. We had finished tho
drove.
"I found out a good many things
about the peccary before I left Texas.
There was a time when nothing would
kill a peccary but the poisoned arrows
of the Central American Indians, but
that was before the days of Winchester
rifles. A bullet from a Winchester is
just searching enough to find a peccary's
vitals, but the range don't want to be
too long. When a man goes out hunt
ing peccaries he doesn't trip lightly
through the forest, and, stealing upon
the unsuspecting game, bring it down
with his unerring rifle. No, not when
ho hunts peccaries. If he did, nineteen
seconds after he fired his first shot
he would be proportioned out among the
drove in two-ounce lots, buttons, boots,
and baggage counted in. Tho daring
peccary hunter shins up a tall tree, near
where the charming creature will more
than likely soon come to feed on acorns
or mast. The peccary has but one vir
tue he can't climb a tree. Perched
safely on a limb, the brave huntsman
waits for the peccary's coming, and
when the drove comes trotting and
grunting along beneath him, he sends a
bullet through a peccary's heart, The
wounded peccary lies down at once. He
knows just what's the matter. He turns
his glittering bead of on eye up to the
hunter, and dies without uttering a
sound. One peccary killed out of a
drove, the hunter must have ammunition
enough to kill all the rest, or provisions
enough to last him a year, for the sur
vivors at once take positions around the
foot of the tree, and there they sit on
their haunches, now and then gnawing
furiously at the trunk of the tree, wait
ing for the hunter to come down. If hato
in tho fullest sense of tho word, can be
expressed by looks and actions, then the
peccary can look and act it toward hu
man beings. The hunter shoots one
after another of the waiting drove, and
each one as it is wounded, lies down
without a murmur and dies, never re
moving its eyes from its slayer. The
living pay no attention to the dead or
dying, but sit there on their haunches
hoping for revenge until the last one
dies. New York Hun.
Navigation ot the Mississippi.
The total navigation of the Mississippi
itself is 2,101 miles, but small steamers
can ascend 7G0 miles further.
The following are its principal navig
able tributaries, with the miles open to
navigation :
Miles. Miles.
Minnesota...... 2U5 Wisconsin ...... . 100
Chippewa. HO Rock 64
Iowa SOilllinoia 3.50
M issouri 3,174 1 Yellowstone 474
Mi-Horn 5oOhio 1,021
Alleghony S25!Monongahela.... 110
Muskingum. U4iKanawlia 04
Kentucky 105 tireen 200
Wabash 35 Cumberland COW
Tennessee. 270 Cliueb, 50
Osage rj!st. Francis lhO
unite 7 n, Black....
Littlo White 4jArkansas .
Big Katchie 75 Issaquena.
Sunflower. 271 ! Yazoo ....
Tallahatchie 175 Hig Black..
147
101
2-8
JS5
64
384
lied UNO Cane.
Cypress 44 Ouarbila ,
.black .
tifBueuf 55
Bartholomew .... 100 Tensas 112
Macon OOToche. Ul
Atchafalya 218:D'Arbonne 50
Lafourche 1081
The other ten navigable tributaries
have less than fifty miles each of naviga
tion. The total miles of navigation of these
fifty-five streams is 16, 5il miles, about
two-thirds of tho distunce around the
world.
The Mississippi and its tributaries may
be estimated to possess 15,571 miles
navigable to steamboats, and 20,221
miles navigable to barges. Xeio Orleant
'1 'imet-Democra t.
Why Pa Forgaro Her.
Once, when Carol's mamma was very
ill, the little oue hushed her sweet voice
lest she should "'sturb m.mma."
A weary time it was for tho wee gir
lie! She missed mamma; and tired of
watchful Mary, she liked to slip away
into papa's study, and play quietly be
side him while he wrote his sermon.
His presence made the study a pleasant
place.
Mr. May often made calls in the after
noon; and one day noticing the shadow
on the little girl's face, he said : "I shall
be home by four, Carol."
Carol watched and waited, and still
papa did not come. A thought occurred
to her. With a great effort sho climbed
up to the study clock, and, opening tho
boor, tried to wove the hands along,
when, alas! snap went one of the hands.
"Where is my little girl?" asked .Mr.
May, as he entered the house an hour
later, 'hit no little girl appeared. When
he ente-ed the study she pointed mutely
to the clock.
"But why did my darling touch the
clock?" asked her papa.
And Carol sobbed out: "I wanted to
make it time for papa to come home."
And papa could not find it iu his heart
to chiie her. S XicUltu.
HOW EASILY THINGS GO WRONO.
"Alas t how easily things go wrong "
A sigh too much or a tear too long,
And a father's patience is quite worn out ;
There's a hurried Btep and a wrathful shouW
And the dream of a youthful pair is o'er.
A youth escapes through the open door,
With terror imprinted upon his face,
And goes down the street at a flying pace
With hat in hand and a dog in chase.
The dog to the flying youth draws nigh ;
There's a savage growl and a piercing cry,
"Alas I how easily things go wrong ;"
Why did the lover stay so long I
A panting youth at his mother's door
Is vowing he'll go out to court no more ;
A dog is returning with visage grim,
Dragging an ulster's tails with him.
"Alas I how easily things go wrong,"
When a lover foolishly tarries too long ;
"And yet how easily things go right"
When he leaves at a decent time of night
He's wise who this in bis memory logs :
Fathers are fathers, and dogs are dogs.
Boston Courier.
HCMOK OF THE DAT.
Hard to beat Carpets.
Ma.de of awl work A pair of shoes.
A fop is one who takes great pains
About everything except his brains.
This and That
Hot cakes are more powerful at puttinrf
down oleomargarine than tho board of
health. 1'itUburg Chronicle.
"An Original Belle" is the title of a
story In an exchange. She probably
never attended a skatingrink. Graphic.
There's no trouble about twisting the
tail of a sleeping bulldog. The disa
greeablo part comes when you let go.
Chicago Sun.
It is said that there is a soft side to
every man. That's the reason a dude is
afraid to stand on his head. New
York Journal.
A caustic wit, in speaking of an impe
cunious friend, said: "He settles his
debts just like clock work tick,- tick,
tick." Nailtville Budget.
People who live in a malarial section
may not believe in the tenets of those
sects, but they ultimately become quak
ers and shakers. Stftingt.
"Suppose," says an exchange, "all the
world went to bed at sunset." Oh, well,
the world's gas bill would be just as big
at the end of the quarter." Norrittown
Herald-.
A mischievous boy yelled "rats I" in a
rink in this city and nearly created a
panic. It is almost impossible for a girl
to stand up in a chair with roller skates
on. Newark Call.
"What One Girl Did," is the title of a
story in an exchange. We haven't read
it, but presume she told her mother that
her beau never stayed later than 10
o'clock. Brooklyn Times.
Bright boy Father, I know why
George Washington always kept his lit
tle hatohet bright. Dull parent Well,
my son, why did he? Bright boy Be
cause he had no az to grind. Botston
Budget.
A Western paper speaks of girls at the
rink as "Angels on Casters. We have
observed that when ono of the angelic
creatures gets upon rollers for tho first
time they are very apt to casther. Som
eroiUe Journal.
"I'd like to strike you for fifty dollars
to-day," said llardup to Young Hyson
Saturdav afternoon." "By Jove," said
Y'oung Hyson, who was a little short
himscif, "you may do it for $20. Give
me the money and say where you want
to strike me." llardup struck out.
Brooklyn Eayle.
"Oh never borrow troublo,
My friend, wher'er you go,
For life is but a bubble
And it ain't worth while, you know."
"Ah, well, I'll let to-morrow
Take care of itself, I vow,
And the only thing I'll borrov
Is a dollar from you, now."
Huston Budget
The Largest Apple Trees.
The largest apple tree supposed to be
standing in tho United Slates may be
seen in the dooryard of Delos Hotch
kiss, Cheshire, Conu. lis shape is sym
metrical, the trunk being round and
without a scar or blemish upon it. There
are eight large brunches, live of which
bear ono year and tho other three the
next year. Mr. Hotchkiss has irathercd
iu ono year from the five branches eighty-five
bushels of fruit, but his predeces
sor harvested a crop of 110 bushels from
tho same five branches. The circumfer
ence one foot from the ground and
above all enlargement of tho roots is
thirteen feet and tight inches. Tho girth
of the largest single limb is six feet
eight inches. The top limbs reach a
height of sixty feet, and tho spread of
the limbs is 100 feet. Tho nge of the
tree can be traced by family tradition to
140 years ut least. New KnjUiud Farmer.
Plants Gronlu? in Money.
A number of persons have tried to
find money in plants, nnd failed. On
the other hand a Hungarian scientist
tried to tind plants in money and suc
ceeded. The money was in tho form ol
bank notes, even those which had been
in circulation but u short time. To b
sure, tho plants are so very small that a
powerful microscope is required to see
them. Nevertheless, they are as much
plants as is a pumpkin vine, or uu oak
tree. What is lacking in the size of th
plants, is made up in that of their names.
One of thnn is Saccharomyccs cerevisie,
another I'leurococcos monctavuin, and
so on. Theso little plaids wiih sucb
hard names, can grow and multiply i
the substuncc of a bank bid. and th
matters thut adhere lo it, without it
owner beint; any the wiser for it.
American Agriu'lnrmt,
J