V
I
THE FOREfT REPUBLICAN
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1
i
A MESSAGE,
What can I hops for thee?
A little less of rare than weighs mo down,
A little less of woe than makes my crown,
And fewer pain than 'round about mo
frown,
Are what I hope for thee.
II.
Tea, those 1 wish for thoe!
A tweeter peace than I have ever known,
And sturdier good than I have ever aown,
And that thou bo to manliest manhood
grown,
Those do I wish for thoel
lit
For, lo! I find in thee
The chance to 1 all that I wished to be,
The chance to see all that I wished to see,
The chance of joys that could not come to
me,
These do I find In thee.
IV.
And I petition theei
Be brave, whotcver sullen cares assail,
i Be good, whatover tomptor would prevail,
'And smile sorene however men may rail,
This I petition thee.
v.
And lot me counsel thee:
Nourish no dream that springs within thy
heart
To draw thee from the work-world's busy
mart,
For, at the lost, thou and thy dream must
part;
And io I counsel thee.
VL
This is from me to thee:
And one day when my work falls from my
hand,
So much to-dny thou enns't not understand.
The reason of the things that I have planned
'Will bo made plain to thee.
James Berry Benscl.
OX SKATES. :
"It ain't the way I was brought up,"
aid Mrs. Oorard. "lathe days when I
was a girl, we used to bo satisfied to sit
down and sow, and make table linen and
.bed quilts, against we got a chance cf a
good husband. We never went skating,
or rushed about playing luwn tennis. If
.we had any leisure time after the cows
.were milked, and the butter and cheese
.looked after, and tho housework done
:up, we learned to use our needles."
! "Hut I don't sco any chanco of a good
husband for me, Mrs. Gerard, soid Syl
via, saucily. "There are two single men
in Ilustlcboro, and one. is the Methodist
minister, who is sixty-odd, and tho other
is old Jack Dodd, who hasn't got his
full wits, aud has to be watched by his
little nieces and nephews."
"Who knows what may happen?" said
the old lady, oracularly.
"I wish my Cousin Chester would
come home," sighed Sylvia, leaning her
plump, white chin on ono hund, as she
stared out over tho wintry landscape,
j "Perhaps," and her eyes sparkled mis
chievously, "he might fall in love with
me!"
Mrs. Gerard bristled all over at this
audacious suggestion.
"Kail in love with you, indeed!" said
she. "Why you are the Inst person intho
world I would consent to his marrying!"
Sylvia's countenance fell; she red
dened to the very roots of her hair.
She had been only in sport when she
utterod her words, but Mrs. Gerard hud
evidently accepted them in good faith.
"Folks can't skate through life!" said
Mrs. Gerard, satirically. ".Nor get
cookery receipts out of novel books, nor
meud stockings with your tine Kensing
ton stitcbts. I want Chester's wife to
be a real helpmeet to him, not a mill
stone slung around his neck."
"Well, you need not be alarmed," said
Sylvia, flushed with unspoken resent
ment. "Rest assured, Mrt. Gerard, I
shall never marry your son!"
"Then we'll both bo satisfied," said
the o'.d lady, philosophically; "and now
you'd better go and get those rolls of
calico, and we'll pick out some pieces for
a patchwork-quilt."
Sylvia glanced out at the diamond
brightness of the snow-covered fields
ami vales.
"Oh, Mrs. Gerard," said she, "the
pond by Union's Mill is crowded with
tkatcrs, and tho ice is perfect, and 1 was
longing to go there this afternoon!''
"All tho loafers in the neighborhood
are there, aud all the giddy headed
girls," retorted Mrs. Gerard. "It's no
place for you to be seen."
Well, then, mayn't I go down on
the river!"' pleaded Sylvia, cugcrly. "1
do so wait to skate! Oh. it is exactly
as if you were a bird, Hying through the
keen, cold air and the sunshine! Mayn't
I go, Mrs. (ierard. lo suy yes!"
j Mrs. Gerard compressed" her lips.
' "I novcr did approve of skating," said
Jhe, "and I never shall. In my days,
frirls were girls and bojs were boys."
U "Horrid old womuu!" thought poor
'3ylvia, ready to cry. "Hut ut least, sho
(hasn't absolutely forbidden me. Aud
i the ice is like glass, and I have lecn
hut in the house for three days, chop
ping sausage meat and darning pillow
cases. Oh, 1 must have one more skate,
if 1 die for it!"
I Sylvia Seftou was Mrs. Gerard's second
cousin, who. deprived of her sole re
maining parent by death, had come to
live with her. She was uot altogether
dependent on her relation in fact, she
had a hundred dollars a year of her owu.
'Enough' said Mrs. Gerard, "to
clothe vou nicely and pay all the little
I odd expenses; and you can earn your
board aud loiluig uy Helping me around
the hciise and be a lot of company for
me into the bargain. Bustlcboro's an
awful lonesome place, and there's days
jisud dsji when a and th cat ilti aud
looks at each other all day long without
a soul crossing tho threshold."
Mrs. Gerard was a kind-hearted old
lady, full of generous impulses. Sylvia
was nffcetionato and clinging in her na
ture, and yet tho two women somehow
did not agree
Mrs. Gerard adhered steadfastly to the
traditions of a past generation. Sylvia
had grown up according to newer lights,
and both of them were" to a certain de
gree right.
Of all creatures in the world, Mrs.
Gerard most loved aud worshiped her
son Chester, who was in charge of a telo
graph station at a thriving young town
some . ten or twelve miles awny, and
Sylvia was fust teaching herself to dis
likothis paragon cousin of hcrs.although
sho had never seen him but once or
twice.
Sho wns thinking not very pleasnntly
about, these things as she ran upstairs to
got her skates. Presently she came down
ugain.
"Mrs. Gerard," said she, "I can't find
my skates. Have you seen them?"
"Where should I see your skates?"
said Mrs. Gerard, crossly, as she stooped
to pick up t lie, brass-headed poker and
return it to its place by tho fender. "Do
you think I want to wear 'em?"
Sylvia wont back for a second search;
but it was no moro satisfactory than the
first hnd been. She sought high and sho
sought low, but still without effect.
"I am sure I left them right here un
der the light table," said sho to herself.
"And now they are gone my beautiful,
new skates."
Bnt she was not disposed entirely to
abandon her hopes for a little fresh air,
even though her prospects of skating
wero gone. She put on her scarlet hood
and cape, shedding a few quiet tears as
she did so, and went out for a walk in
the white silence of the March woods.
Ntituro may justly be termed tho arch
consoler, and Sylva had been out but a
short time when the sunshine and the
crisp, cold broces calmed tho fever of
her rebellious heart ns with tho touch of
a cooling hand. She watched tho sun
set redden over the forests; she beheld,
from her vantnge-grouhd on tho moun
tain side, the skaters disappear, one by
ono, from Duton's pond; sho felt, rather
than saw, tho hush of tho coming twi
light, through which, here ami there,
the silver point of a star twinkled out,
and she sans softly to herself as she
came back to tho farm-house.
Mrs. Gerald, very pale, met her at the
door.
"Oh. Sylvia!" sho cried. "Where
have you been? I thought you would
never come back I Chester is here my
poor, poor boy 1"
" hat has happened " cried Sylvia.
"Where is he?"
"On tho sofa in the parlor 1" said Mrs.
Gerard, getting her words out incoher
ently and by jerks, "And I'm afraid
he is dying! Ho was intending to sur
prise me, and ho rode over from Hart-
wick on Mrs. Povntz s black horse, that
never was lit for a Christian to ride, and
the brute shied at a tree-stump that
showed black against tho white snow,
and threw him. And he could just
crawl to tho door, with his leg broken,
before he fainted dead away. Oh, Ches
ter oh, mv poor boy!"
"But what can I do?" said Sylvia. "I
know nothing about sickness."
"You can go for the doctor," said
Mrs. Gerard. "And do, for my sake,
makehiistc! It's four full miles there,
and Chester may die from the pain be
fore we get his leg set. It's swelling
fast, and ho goes from one swoon into
another. "
"Four miles!" repeated Sylvia. "Yes,
I'll go, Mrs. Gerard; but four miles t If
I hud my skates, I could go directly
down the river in a quarter of the time
it would take to plod along the deep
6now of tho road."
Mrs. Gerard Hushed deeplv as she met
Sylvia's frank look. She went to the
closet, unlocked a drawer, and taking
out the missing skates, placed them on
the floor beside Sylvia.
1 ho girl looked keenly at her.
"You found them?" said she.
"I knew where they were all the
time," said Mrs. Gerard. "I I hid
them. 1 am very sorry I"
By this time, Sylvia had looked to the
fastenings. They were all right.
"Good by 1" said she, kindly. "Don't
fret, I will assuredly bring the doctor
back with me."
She rushed down the steep, wooded
bank toward the steely glitter of the
river; and, five minutes afterward, Mrs.
Gerard, looking from her window, saw
tho li"ht, straight figure, skimming
swiftly along, more like the arrowy dart
of a bird than the motion of a human
being, until it was lost in the approach
ing shadows of dusk.
"What would have become of me
now," she thought, "if Sylvia had not
learned to skate?"
Miss Sefton was fortunate enough to
find the doctor at home, and rode back
with him in his buggy; and he could not
say enough in praise of her spirit and
courage.
It was to her that he gave all charges
and directions regarding the patient.
"Sly dear madam." he said, in answer
to Mrs. Gerard's piteous pleadings, "this
young lady is a born nurse. She has a
cool head, a light hand and plenty of
nerve. Sho is thocproper person to take
care of Mr. Gerard.''
And Sylvia proved herself worthy of
his words. c
Chester Gerard recovered slowly, but
the time did uot hang heavily on his
hands.
Sylvia was the brightest and cheeriest
of companions.
At the eud of the second month, the
patient was allowed to go out into the
budding April world of trees and bushes,
aud bright blue sky; and while he was
taking his first walk. Sylvia came to tho
old lady, with varying color.
"Doar Mrs. Gsrard," said ho, "I
hava something to toll you."
' Mri. Gerard's eyes sparkled. --..
Has ho asked yoil to marry him al
ready?" said sho. r "But. I knew he was
getting to love ' you. ' Oh, I am so
glad!"
"You approve it, then?" said Sylvia,
rather disappointed.
"I never was so pleased in all my
life," said the old lady.
"But but " hesitated Sylvia, "I
don't think I care for him as a wife
should caro for her husband I am sure
I don't!"
"Mrs. Gerard's face visibly length
ened. "Sylvia, Sylvia, don't say that, she
cried. "Do you try to like him formy
sakel And ho loves you so much, my
darling!"
"For your sake, Mrs. Gerard? Why
are you so much interested? Is Doctor
Mild may "
"Who is talking about Doctor Mild
may?" exclaimed Airs. Gerard.
"Why, you, aren't you?" retorted Syl
via. "No. I'm talking about my son,
Chester," said the old lady.
SylviVs face had turned a soft, rosy
pink ; her bright eyes fell to the ground.
"Does Chester lovo me?" tho mur
mured. "Ho was going to tell you so to day,"
said Mrs. Gerard.
"Then I am glad I refused Doctor
Mildmay," said Sylvia.
So both these ladies broko their
word.
Sirs. Gerard not only consented that
Sylvia should become her daughter-in-law,
but abjectly implored her to do so;
and Sylvia, after declaring that "she
never would marry Chester (ierard,"
went straightway and wedded him.
And thcro never was a word of ob
jection spoken thenceforward against
Sylvia's skating. On tho contrary, her
mother-in-law did everything in her
power to encourage this healthful and in
vigorating exorcise.
"Sylvia's skates did mo a good turn
once," she declared, with a wise nod of
her head. Helen Forreit Grave.
How Koyal Families Lire.
England stands at the head of. all Eu
ropean nations in the cost of its nobility
and Germany in the expenses of main
taining tho royal family alone. The
latter empiro, with a population of not
more than 45,000,000, has to support
twenty-two royal, princely and ducal
families, and the direct cost of their
maintenance is $10,500,000.
In Prussia and several of the other
German States the reigning family, be
sides its public income, possesses vory
largo .private estates, and, indeed, in
some of the States thejprinces aro the
chief laud-owners.
Turkey conies next to Germany in its
royal expenditures, the total amount ab
sorbed by the sultan and his family be
ing obout $16,250,000. The imperial
family of Russia costs that country $12,
250,000, and the greater part which
comes in the shape of rents from the
crown. domains which consist of
more than n million square miles
of land, besides gold and silver
mines. The Austrian imperial family
is tolerably well oil, which comes directly
from the public purse.
The sum expended on account cf the
British royal family will be increased by
$30,000 a year on the coming marriago
of the Princess Beatrice, aud it is ex
pected that there will shortly be a call
for an income tor me oldest son oi tne
Prince of Wales. Yet the sum thus
granted will be but a homoeopathic dose
compared with tho annual expenditures
in appointments, salaries, pensions and
moneys received by the families and re
lations of dukes, marquises, earls, vis
counts and barsns, amounting to the
prodigious total of $108,6U,030,dividcd
as follows; Twenty-eight fauiiles of
dukes take $9,700,000; thirty-three
families of marquises, $3,805,950; 205
families of earls, $48,181,203; sixty
families of viscounts, $11,241,200; 211
families of barons,$31, 120,188. Of these
the Duke of Richmond heads tho list
with $1,000,000; followed bv the Duke
of Wellington, $1,425,500; the Duke of
Grafton, $1,115,850, and so on. Tho old
Duehess of Cambridge, now eighty-eight
years of age, continues to draw from the
British treasury $30,000 a year, beside
enjoying the royal palaces of St. James
and Kew as her residences. Her sou, the
queen's cousin, receives about $110,000
a year from tho same source to compen
sate him for the loss of the throne, which
would have been his had the queen died
without an heir, or had never been born.
Italy pays her royal family $3,500,000
a year, which is a very large sum in pro
portion to the means of the country,
while Spain disburses ou the same ac
count $2,000,000. This ends tho list of
European monarchies of largo popula
tion. But tho minor monarchies also pay
their royal families very large sums.
Belgium, with about as large a popula
tion as the State of New York, pays
$000,000 a year to her king, and Portu
gal, with three-quarters of a million less
population, pays $030,000. Monarchy
costs Sweden and Norway &5S7, 500 an
nually; Denmark, $310,000; Holland,
$315,000; Roumania. $240,000, and
Greece, $210,000. But $00,000 of this
last sum is paid by England, France
and Russia. Republican France gives
her president $lb0,000, two-thirds of
which is in the form of salary and one
third for household expenses.
Tho Swiss republic pays its president
$3,000 a year, which is probably tho
smallest sum that the head of any civil
ized uation in the world receives. All
tho expenditures of Switzerland are on a
correspondingly low scale. With a popu
lation approaching 3,000,000, the entire
expenditures of the confederation does
uot reach $10,000,000 annually.
Dexter is still alive and well at Mr.
Bonner's stables in New York, and he it
twenty-six years old,
LIFE'S HUMOROUS PHASES.
STORIES TOLD BY MESBI WAGS OF
THE PRESS.
Iterrnarlna; Pa A Solemn moment
An American t able Typical Writ
ern Fertility Subdued by size.
"It's a shame that Mr. Blobbs should
have treated you so abominably, father."
"Yes, it is a shame, daughter. It's
outrageous, it's scandalous."
"Is he a bachelor, pa?"
"Yes, he's a dried up, crusty old
bach." J
"Oh, well, pa, don't worry then. I'll
get even with him for you. You shall
be avenged."
"And how?"
"I'll marry him." Boston Timet.
A Solemn moment.
After tho marriaso of Miss Lillian
Sniggs, of Dallas. , tho bridal party par
took of a sumptuous banquet, toward' tho
end of which a younger brother of the
bride got up, and said solemnly, raising
his glass:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have to pro
pose a toast, which, however, must be
drunk standing. Pleaso tako your
glasses and rise up."
The guests, although somewhat be
wildered, did so.
"Now," said the young scapegrace,
"if you will remain standing for a few
minutes I'll find out who has been sitting
on my new stove-pipe hat." Sitings.
Fable of the Fox and Woodchuck.
A Woodchuck who had, at great Labor
and many Back-Aches, managed to ex
cavate a Hole for Himself in a Hillside,
was resting and congratulating Himself
w hen along came a Fox. who said :
"Ah urn! Just Fits me! I've been
Looking for just such a Den the last
three months." --.
"You don't mean to Steal my Home
away?" queried the Woodchuck.
"Might makes Right in this Blizzard
Country, and don't you Forget it! Take
yourself off, or I'll make you sad !"
The Fox took ' Possession, and the
Woodchuck withdrew, but next morning
he passed that way to find the Fox fast
in a Trap at tho mouth of the Den.
Some boys had Baited for Woodchuck
and caught a Fox. As they Appeared on
the scene Reynard called out :
"I am but a poor Fox, while you are
Learned and Intelligent Human Beings.
You have no right to Sacrifice me in this
manner!"
"Ahl Y'es, but this is a Question of
Might instead of Right!" was the Re
ply, as he was Knocked on the Head.
Moral: "It Ceases to be Funny when
Both Sides begin to play the Same
Game. Detroit Free Press.
Typical Weaterm Fertility.
The following story of an engineer on
a Western railway shows how fast the
country is growing. We do not hold
ourselves responsible for the truth of the
story, but we do not hesitate to sav that
it is "not much of a story," compared
with that told by the Western man who
makes an enort:
"One day I was driving my engine
over the prairie at the rate of forty miles
an hour, without a house in sight, and
supposing the nearest town to bo thirty
miles distant. But as I glanced ahead
I was astonished to see that I was ap
proaching a large city. I rubbed my
eyes, thinking it was a mirage.
"Jim," says 1 to tho fireman, 'what's
this place?'
"Blamed if I know!" says Jim, staring
out of tho cab. 'I declare, if there ain't
a new town growed up here since we
went over the line yesterday!'
" 'I believe you are right, Jim. Ring
tho bell or we shall run over somebody!'
"So I slowed up and we pulled into a
large depot where more'n five hundred
peoplo were waiting to seo tho first train
come into the place. The conductor
learned the name of the town, put it
down on the schedule, and we went on.
" 'Jim,' says I, as we pulled out, 'keep
your eyes open for new towns. First
thing you know wo'll be runnin' by some
strange place.'
" 'Thut's so !' says Jim. 'An hadn't
we better git one of the braketnen to
watch out on the rear platform for towns
that spring up after the engine gets by !' "
Provident Aetts.. ,
'"
Subdued by Size.
Onco upon a time a rather overbear
ing kind of a man was driving a sleigh
along a narrow road, when ho encount
ered another sleigh, also with a man in
it, coming in the opposite direction.
The occupant of tho second sleigh did
not appear to be a very largo man, cov
ered up as he was with buffalo robes.
Hence tho surly, overbearing fellow,
supposing that he could control the requi
site two-thirds working majority on
joint ballot, made up his mind not to
give half the road. He only took half
the road, but then he took it, like the
scltish boy iu the bed, who took his half
out of the middle, thereby compelling
his bedfellow to sleep on both sides of
him. When the two sleighs got near
each other there was a halt and a parley.
"Why dou't you give half the roadf"
asked tho supposed weaker party.
"None of your business; only I won't
do it that's all." The reasonable
party expostulated, saying that he only
asked what was usual and customary,
but the overbearing party merely replied,
that if the other party did not make
room and get out of the way he would
run over them.
"Well, then, wo might as well make
a test question of it at once," responded
the party of the second part, taking of
his gloves, throwing back tho buff do
robes and beginning to rise iu his seat,
probably to make a motion. He hap
pened to be a very large man, and as
fott after loot of Ms gigantio struc
ture loomed tip, the astonished bully
exclaimed: W '
"There, stranger, that will do; don't
rise any moreI'll turn out for you." It
It i . it 1 a.
was uis outy ana nc aia. Alter ne naa
got past the big man, the would-be-bullv.
ai he touched un his off leader.'
soliloquized: i
"Jo-e-whilikins, I wonder how much
taller that fellow would have got if I
had not stopped him." Textu Sift
ingt. General Cordon's Taper Money.
A Gubat letter to a London paper says:
"Tho Mahdi, when Khartoum fell,
secured the whole of General Gordon's
papers, together with a large number of
bank notes issued by the gallant de
fender of Khartoum. These, we are in
formed, ho is now taking steps to negoti
ate, aud obtain much-needed ready cash
by discounting them. As General
Gordon pledged England's word to re
deem them, it will require some ingenuity
to defeat the Mahdi's object. Indeed,
it will bo next to impossible to detect
the notes which the Madhi has seized
and those which have been circulated
bona fide by General Gordon himself,'
especially as all documents are in the
False Prophet's hands. Many of the
people from Khartoum who came here in
Gordon's steamers hold these notes, which
they obtained in a perfectly legitimate
manner, and such claims as theirs can
scarcely be overlooked. Many natives,
moreover, who months ago held friendly
and trading relations with Khartoum,
have these pieces of paper, and they will
certainly look for their redemption.
Many of the notes have been bought by
the officers here at a far higher rate than
their nomiual value, as a memento of
the hero who is gone. Another relic of
the gallant defense of Khartoum, how
ever, is even more sought after than the
bank notes, and that is the leaden medals
which General Gordon ordered to be struck
and distributed to every man, woman and
child in tho beleaguered city, in token of
the bravery they had displayed. Several
of these medals were ia possession of
Gordon's men, but they were so eagerly
bought up, not only by officers but by
the men too, that they are new at a
premium, and at such a premium, too,
that an oiler of their weight in gold faijs
to induce tho lucky owners to part with
them."
A Queer Squirrel Tarn.
Old citizens of Toledo distinctly re
member the time when there was an
emigration of squirrels in this vicinity.
On a certain day a gentleman was on the
bank of the Ten Mile creek, when the
number of quirrels moving was unusually
largo. Among the squirrels was one
that exhibited such motherly care and
affection for her two little ones as to
prove a most interesting sight. She
reached the back of the creek where a
crossing was to be made. The little
squirrels were quite timid about going
near to the water, but the mother coaxed
them until they seemed to be satisfied to
do as she wished. Sho ran along the
shore, and finding a piece of bark about
a foot loug and six inches wide, dragged
it to the water's edge and pushed it in
the water, so that only a small part of
one end of the bark was resting on the
shore. She then induced her little ones
to get on the bark and they at once cud
dled closely together, when the old
squirrel pushed the bark and its load
into the steam, and, taking one end of
the bark in her teeth, pushed it ahead of
her until the opposite bank was reached,
where the young squirrels quickly
scampered up the bank of the creek,
where the mother rested for a few min
utes, when the journey was resumeal.
Toledo Blade.
A Novel Contest.
The great sword contest on horseback
between Duncan C. Ross, the champion
all-round athlete of the world, and Ser
geint Owen Davis of the United States
army, for $500 a side, was decided at
Central Park, San Francisco, recently.
About 3,000 persons were present. The
costumes of the men were those usually
worn by wieldcrs of the sword, consist
ing of an iron coat of mail, and having
their heads incased in an iron mask sup
porting a helmet, on top of which a small
llag waved idly in the breeze. The con
tcsr, which was very interesting, and at
times very exciting, was won by Davis
amid tremendous cheering. Ross proved
he was a finished swordsman, but the
horse being a racer, was frequently un
manageable. Tho blows exchanged dur
ing the affair must have been very severe,
as the thick armors showed deep dents
on the back and on several parts of the
breast it was cut through. Both men
looked exhausted after the battle, on ac
count of tho bearing of their heavy armor
and the trouble which their horses caused
them.
Shop Mirin.
Shop signs wero introduced into Eng
land from France in the reign of Ed
ward III., and they became so general
that nearly every shopkeeper in London
hud one displayed outside his shop.
Great ingenuity was shown iu the in
vention of signs calculated to prove
most attractive to the passer by, and
large sums of money were expended in
this species of advertising. These
signs were not allixed to the houses, but
were placed on posts, or hung thereon
on hinges, at the edge of the footpath.
So largely did these Increase that they
absolutely obstructed the free circula
tion of air, and are supposed to be
among the causes of the frequent epi
demical di.'Orders of London. They
also naturally aided the spread of con-
lint' rations, and on these grouuds were tif
terwurd lorluddrn to lie displayed.
Drunkenness in cither the husbsjud or
wife is now regarded a a sufficient
ground for divorc in France. -
JINGLE OF THE RINK.
Hear them prate, prate, prate,
The skater with his mate,
Oh, the skate, tho merry, merry skate t
There's many a love ly story they relate,
As they speed at fearful rate
'Tis often Cupid seals the fate,
Be sure and save your pate
Ere it shall be too late:
For 'tis so very, very great
To ride upon the merry, merry skate
Tis better far than swinging on the gate.
Cambridge Tribune.
He put on the rollers at seven,
And before the clock sounded eleven.
His feet they went flying,
As If they were trying
To kick out the blue dome of heaven.
Brooklyn Eagle.
I want to be a skater.
And with the skaters glide,
A pair of rollers on my feet,
A sweet girl by my side.
He tried to be a skater,
And bravely he struck out.
The doctor says, "In three months
Again he'll be about"
A'orrMfoiea Herald.
A daring young lady, named Russell,
jTbought she'd give roller skating a "tussle,"
Her skates were erratic
Her fall was emphatic,
And her life it was saved by her bustle.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
It's a poor skater that won't roll both
ways, as beginners speedily learn. Bos
ton Courier.
In these times a man can start a sen 4a-,
tion in London by stepping on a parlor
match. Chicago Herald.
Will England charge tho cost of the
.war with 1,1 Mahdi to the prophet and
loss account? Boston GUM.
Is it not contradictory to say that
soldiers who firo coolly make it hot for
the cnemjlPitttburB Telegraph.
The man in Germany who has made
and sold 3,000,000 thermometers ought
,to believe in weather prophets. Stjt
zings. i
When Smithy gave his girl the sack
the other day, she took it very philo
sophically. It once covered a seal. !t.
Paul Herald.
Tho breath of winter may be cold, but
it is not half so cold as the glance of the
man you strike for the loan of half a
dollar. Blizzard.
An artist who went into the country
for the purpose of sketching a bull found
there was danger of the bull's catching
him. Boston Times. v,.
"Soft words," says a writer of pro
verbs, "do not scald the mouth." The
average dude ought to have a very cool
mouth. Burlington ( Vt. ) Free Prens.
"Suppose we have nosugar?" suggests
an English magazine. Well, then, we
don't see how you could successfully
run apolitical campaign. Lowell Citizen.
We agree with a recent writer that
"it's all nonsense to say that eating pies
is unhealthy." It is trying to digest
them that raises the mischief with one's
health. Boston T'rantcript.
It is said that Japanese women have
never seen and do not know the use
of pins. When a Japanese man's sus
pender button comes off he uses a shin
gle nail or a match. Graphic
Enfant terrible: "Say, Mr. Snobby,
can you play cards?" Snobby: "Whj
no, Johnny, I can't plav very well." E.
T. : "Well, then, you'd better look out,
for ma says if Emina plays her cards
well she'll catch you" Life.
In Boston there's a restaurant
Where no one asks you what you want,
But when you enter there to eat,
As soon as you have a seat '
You hear the sprightly waiter call:
"A plate of beans and one tisb-tmll!"
Boston Courier.
A new dictionary of the Chinese lan
guage comprises forty volumes. When
a Chinese editor gets stuck on the spell
ing of a word, he has to delay publica
tion for a week or two in order to con
sult the loxicon. Lowell Citizen.
Mark Twain has invented a shirt that
requires no buttons or studs: and nnw
if somebody will get up a sock that won't
give way at the heel and toe we don't
see why men folks cannot be moder
ately happy after all. Chicago I&dgtr.
"Yes," said pretty Miss Snooks, as she
camo home from a party at 5 a. m., "I
was determined to bo the last to leave.
I hate that horrid Mrs. Blinks, so I was
resolved she shouldn't have the pleasure
of slandering me after I'd iroue. A'ii
Franciteo Punt.
We observe with pain thst the old
form of putting the name of a hotel lirst
is going out of style, and that now they
put it "Hotel English," "Hotel Ander
son," etc. Soon we shall see such Mirng
as "Butcher Shop Jones," "Gin Mill
Schwab," and the like. What is tho
country coming to? Uerri-k.
A dogmatical spirit inclines a man to
be censorious of his neighbors. Every
one of his opinions appears to him writ
ten, as it were, with sunbeams, and he
grows angry that his neighbors do not
see it in the sumo light. Ho is tempted
to disdain his correspondents as men of
low and dark understanding, because
they do not believe what he doe.
Thero is no river that presents moe
sudden and enormous variations thin
tho Nile. For instance, fifty miles be
low Khartoum its whole volume l!ows
through a canyon just forty yards in
width, but the stream is 150 deep nt low
water. A mile below, the river is tluee
miles wide, full of islands, and so shal
low that steamboats often ground.
ft