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VOL. XVII. NO. 51.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8. 1885.
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
anonymous
communications.
CONTRASTS.
Tbe gannt lamps flare In the ndy street-
Tlare on her shivering, shrinking form;
Pelting, pitiless fingers of teot
Shake her soul to on Inward stoirn
, Wandoring, wandering by. A
A sweet child stands al a lighted pae,
Watching with innocent, love-lit eVos,
Itamitoa like a blow! She has rallied isain
Y, A poor hurt thing, with her amothored
cries, I
As memory wanders by.
Was she oneo fair, with a baby-face ,
That gazed from a sheltering, fJ re-lit home?
Measureless, chill In her deep disgrace,
The gulf between, as her tired feet roam,'
With penitence wandering by.
. The hours of the moaning night slip past,
Drearily counted, one by one;
Like pearls from a string, they are dropping
fast
In the lop of dawn while the swift sands
run
Of the sad lifo wandcriug by.
Rest! And the grief-wrung hands are
stilled.
Sleepl And the pain-bound forehead
gleams. '
Burning eyes, with your salt tears Oiled,
Close on life and its fovered dreams
For peace goes wandoring by.
Helen T. Clark.
THE BEACON FHIE.
It was a wild and rocky coast, along
which ran the path that led to the home
of bid Martin Frero. At ordinary times
the cottago would have possessed but
little attraction for a bold sterling youth
like Owen Glenn. But a visitor hud of
late brightened up its precincts a young
girl named Annie, named after the aged
grandmother who dozed by the hearth
through the long evenings, content to
watch the bright flames as they shot up
from the broad fireplace, and perhaps to
see visions of the past with her dim
eyes.
Dame Frere was a sharp voiced, Lust
ling woman, long past middle age, and
not having tho name of possessing a very
sweet temper, but sho had a sou place
; in her heart for granny, and it was to
; please her that she had invited her pretty
namesake to come and visit them for a
few months.
Annis was a tall, slight girl, as straight
as a pino tree, and as graceful as a fawn.
Her yellow hair hung in a perfect maze
of shining curls nil about her Bhoulders
and fur down below her waist. Imagine
a sweet innocent face lighted with great
lustrous dark eyes, and a red mouth al
most always curving into smiles, and
you have some idea of Annis.
Most of the young girls in the vicinity
were buxom, merry lasses, with hair and
eyes to match both of intense black
, ness and with more or less of the hoy
den in them. Their laughter was loud
and hearty, and their ways more frolic
' ' some than retined. So that it is not
strange that when this graceful, quiet
stranger came among them, with her
shy ways and blonde coloring, her swift
changes of expression and native ease of
manner, sho was at once taken into the
hearts of all the young people in the
neighborhood.
Owen Glenn had fallen head overbeds
in love at his first meeting with Annis,
and had not missed an opportunity of
meeting her at the various rustic gather
ings to which she had been invited, and
to-night ho wrb going to seal his fate by
telling Annis that ho loved her, and ask
if he could hope for a response to the ar
dent feeling with which he had been in
spired by her.
Owen was not at all certain as to the
success of his suit, for there was another
who admired Annis, and who was far
above him in worldly station and wealth,
and as Owen, in his freedom from vani
tv. also thought, in good looks and in
oLnher qualities calculated to win a girl's
fheart.
riundsjl Annis naa received tne pleasant nine
rux-- At courtesies ana attentions ot uotninaway
"I I j calculated to wound sither; though, as
t ,$ to that, it would h'i j been an impossi
Vl bility for her to be other than so sweet
"r and gracious as not to enkindle hope in
1 I each passionate young heart.
Thus matters 'stood as Owen started
(wrm Yia Ti nmA tn fulre thA Inner ami
I tedious walk over the cliffs, which must
" K.. ru vnrcntl hfWArn lin rmilil runfh the
pottage which sheltered the object of
Shis love.
It had been raining steadily all day
JIahm avt.l aa Tl 1 or V i f CO (11. nn thn Willi!
V .. ,J -I ..., .1 tr, n .ml.
h.UI.14 I13CU bait.
ii Hut. wranoed in his waternroof cloak
.', t . ' ti
. Sand liehted on his way by a lantern,
Owen cared notmng lor tne threatening
iemeuio, nuu wumcu aiuu, vy uiouiu
softly, now and then pausing to shake
i 1 1 . ,i i i. ; ..( i ;
water dog.
Then he would trudge on again, think
ing what a terrible night it must be at
-fa, and breathing a prayer for the wave
Issed mariners far from home.
I Suddenly a dull, booming sound
sached his ear. j
. It came from a seaward direction,
out at liist he kept on his way think
ing: "This'is not the harbor, and every
one who has the slightest knowedge of
the locality will be sure to avoid such a
dangerous couat ; so it's no business of
mine."
Again the sound came. This time
Oweu stopped aud listened.
A thought came into his mind as he
did so.but it militated so directly against
his inclinations to give heed to it that
with an impatient 'Tshaw !" he started
on.
Hut he could Aiot rid himself of it. It
was this: "If j ship is in peril, and has
lost her way, the ouly thing that could
save her would be a huge beacon fire
to cast a light upon her surround
.ft
To build a fire would bo a work of
timo and of hard labor.
To keep one up lone enough to do
any good would tako hours of watchful
ness, and ho would have to abandon
all hope of seeing Annis that even
ing. It was a hard Btrujnrle, but inclina
tion proved to be made of a material
which could not hold its own against
his own strong sense of duty.
Jle gave up all thoutrht of tho pleasant
greeting he had been living upon in his
heart all day long, and set himself to
work to gather fuel for the beacon
fire.
After several hurried journeys to the
woodland, which lay a little distance
away, he succeeded in accummulnting a
pile of branches and dry twigs, which he
had raked out with his hands from a de
serted hut, which stood on the confines
of the thicket, and had evidently been
gathered together for tome purpose; but
under the circumstances Owen felt him
self justified in taking it, as it would
have been" almost impossible to have
kindled a flume of green wood.
Just as he had succeeded in coaxing a
splendid bla.e into lifo, a voice cried:
Hallo, Glenn, is that you? What in
the name of wonder are you doing?"
1 am answering to a signal of dis
tress. Hark I" as a dull sound came
again from the sea.
Wg old fellow, I wish you jov of
your pi ', and hope it'll do the good you
expocC t or my part, I'm off to old
.Mart i a - - 1 hear little Annis is going
away .to-morrow, and I don't want to
miss a sii lit of her beaming face to-
night. It's bright and sweet enough to
be a man's beacon light for all his life.
Good-bye, and good fortune attend your
work. It's lucky all are not such selfish
fellows as I am."
It was as if a thousand fiends were
tugging for the mastery of Owen Glenn's
heart, as he listened to the rattling talk
of the gay, light-hearted youth.
bhould he givo uobert this chance of
seeing Annis, and ot perhaps asking her
to bo his wife during this very night.
while he stood and worked to do good,
and in God's providence tried to be the
means of saving the lives of people who
were nothing to him?
1 litis his thoughts run over and over
again, repeating tnemseives like the
voices of mocking demons, while out-
wardlv he labored on as unremittingly as
though no influence of the kind were at
work piling on fresh luel for tho names,
or pushing somo burning log into a bet
ter position, and in that way won the
victory.
Peace succeeded to the wild storm of
agitation whioh had momentarily threat
ened to engulf him. Thus the night
wore through.
With the morning came a great calm.
One would not have thought that the
sun-flecked waves which came leaping
in, white-crested and tumultuous, to meet
the stern barrier of rocks, and crawl up,
tip almost to their summits, could be
aught but playful in their force. Ah, it
is a treacherous beauty that of the sea.
Too tired to notice the beauty of the
transition from storm to sunshine, Owen
walked slowly home. His work was done,
and he must have rest.
Later in the day he started out for a
walk. He was in that miserable state of
mind which oftentimes follows some
great exaltation of spirits. The thought
that Annis had gone away without his
seeing her again weighed upon his mind
like an unwelcome incubus.
At the voice of Robert Hunter, who
stopped to accost him, he 6hrank and
trembled as though in pain, but he list
ened as intently as though his life de
pended upon what he was about to say.
Had he proposed to Annis, and had been
accepted?"
"Glenn," he began, "I wish you and I
could change places about last night's
work."
"It's rather late for that now," was
the quiet answer.
"I'm fully aware of the fact, and that's
what I regret about it. I'm afraid it's all
up with' me in a certain direction."
"What do you mean?" asked Owen,
rwith sudden interest.
"Why, if you believe it, I might just
as well have left my visit unpaid last
night; indeed, had far better have done
so. Annis was so interested at the chance
of there being a ship outside in distress
that it was all I could do to prevail upon
her not to face the storm and 'come and
help,' she said; and she gave me some
pretty rubs, I can tell you, about my
leaving you alone to do 'the good work,'
as she called it. 1 don't believe that An
nis will look at me again without 1
thought in her mind of what I ought to
have done and didn't."
Suchra tide of joy rushed through Owen
Glenn's heart that he could hardly speak,
and while he was struggling to hide his
emotion Robert went on with his revela
tions, little realizing the effect of his
words :
"She's not going home to-day just on
that account. She told me to tell you
to come up and see her and tell her all
about it. I wish it had been my luck to
make such a hit. Women are great on
any one who touches their feelings
You ought to have seen her eyes suap
and sparkle when she was lecturing me
about not staying to help you. I never
saw her look so pretty. But, hallo
what has come over you?" For Owen
was hurrying off in the direction of the
cliffs.
As he went Robert caught a look upon
his face which told him more than Owen
intended. He stood staring at him
thinking to himself :
"I see it all. My failure will be
Owen's opportunity. Well; he's a good
fellow and as long as 1 can t have her,
what odds does it make? And I saw last
night she cared no more for nte than if 1
had been a stick."
When Annis caught sight of Owen
annroaching the cottage she ran out with
J an impulsife, "Ob, how glad I am to see
you! I do not want to tell you what I
think of you."
Then she stopped short. Something
in Owen's face tilled her wltn confusion.
But outstreched hands were already
within his clasp, and his low murmured
words of lovo were sounding in her ears:
"I am as glad as you that 1 have done
something to please you; for, oh, Annis,
I love you so denrly that 1 would do or
daro anything for your sake."
And then, she never knew how it came
about, but his arms were about her and
his kisses were upon her lips, and she
found that she loved him so well she was
willing to promise to be his wife, when
ever he should be able to earn enough
to make a home for her.
They were both young, and it would
not be hard to wait, nnd they were so
sure of one another's love.
Tho prospect was at first that several
years must elapse before their marriage,
but suddenly all was changed for them
as if by magic.
A letter came from abroad within a
twelve-month. It was addressed to the
minister of the little seaside village, and
asked for information as to the person or
persons who had kindled a beacon light
in answer to a signal of distress from a
sailing vessel on tho night of , giving
the correct date nnd time when Owen
had sacrificed inclination to the dictates
of duty and humanity.
That light had saved a valuable car
go from being lost, and the wrtier pro
posed to give a goodly sum to the
parties who had been instrumental
in the matter. Also, a medal was
to be struck oil commemorative
of his gratitude that the lives of
all on board had been thus preserved to
their families.
Owen became at once the boast of the
village. For when a man's fame 'has
reached foreign countries his own towns
people are always sure to re-echo it.
The wedding day was set for the first
anuiversary of the evenings when his
good fortune came t. him in the guise
of disappointment, and Robert Hunter
was the first to congratulate the young
couple.
" Who'd have thought," he whls-
lered to Owen, "that the tables would
iave been so turned? Truly, 'There's a
tide in the affairs of men which taken at
tho flood, leads on to fortune,' and you
took it, my boy." Philadelphia Call.
Red Pepper ISalhs.
"Red pepper baths, that's the latest
fashionable wrinkle, and it takes like
hot cakes," remarked a professional man
of West Forty-eighth street to a Now
York Star reporter.
"Have you many patients?"
"Quite a number, and the list is in
creasing. The remedy is not a new one
by any means, but it seems to be getting
popuiar, and that is the reason, I sup
pose, lor the revival in the red pepper
business."
"For what purpose are the baths ap
plied?" "Rheumatism, sciatica, neuralgia and
similur ailments. In tho hands of an
ordinarily intelligent person these baths
are quite simple, and when used with
discretion are really efficacious."
"How are they applied?"
"The pepper is simply placed in hot
water in certain proportions, and the
parts of the body mostly affected are
thoroughly well rubbed with a coarse
Turkish towel. People who suffer from
sluggish circulation have been greatly
benehted."
"Ib there no fear of inflammution?"
"None whatever, provided due pre
caution is taken against sudden exposure
to the cold."
"Is the remedy unpleasant?"
"That depends a a ood deal upon the
temperature of the patient's body. Upon
somo it has the effect of extreme irrita
tion. The skin tingles for days after.
On others it produces frequent coughing.
These symptoms, however, soon pass
away as the patient becomes used to the
remedy. In cases, however, whero it
continues for an immoderate length of
time it is better to discontinue them."
"What class of people use them
chicflv?"
"Wealthy persons bevond middle age.
There is always a certain kind of people
who may be said to live cnieny Dy doc
toring themselves persons whose ail
ments are mostly those of the imagina
tion. They are too weak-minded to dis
cipline themselves, or too scltish, which
ever you like to call it, and prefer trying
some new remedy to striking at tho
cause of their supposed ills. For in
stance: Instead of regulating their sys
tems upon a daily scale of dieting, they
will entirely disregard their physician's
instructions and then blame htm because
his treatment is not successful.
There are hundreds of just such people
in this world, and as they invariably try
evory new-fangled remedy that comes
out especially if if. be fashionable
they become very profitable to people
who give them baths for their relief."
Japanese Baths.
Attached to each hotel in Japan "is a
bath for the use of guests. The bsth
tub and the heater ure combined so that
the water, once heated, must furnish
the bathing material for the whole house.
Arriving at a Japanese hotel footsore and
weary, you ask the landlady, "How
many have used the bath?" ihe instantly
replies, "Only eight." You forego the
luxury of such a bath. Passing through
a town just at nightfall you see a woman
boiling her husband ut tiny rate the
man is half immersed in tho bath, while
the dume is stoking the lire beneath with
all her might. The flames pour forth
from beneath while this contented Jap
is being cooked. Perhaps, though hi
was only a preliminary boiling. bucb
public boiling is bow prohibited iu the
cities, but "far from the madding
crowds ignoble strife" these sirnple peo
ple see no harm in public bathing if it
suits their convenience.
WITH" A FLAVOR OF HUMOR.
SOUS
SKETCHES OF A
CHARACTER.
COUICAX
Why Iln IMdn't Fall Ho Onlr
Wanted lo See I at With Their
Hands An loa Invention.
Last spring an Indiana man started a
bank in a town in I)akota,aud about the
1st of October, having secured deposits
to the extent of $23,000, a notice was
one morning posted on tho doors of the
bank, reading:
"Temporarily closed hope to pay the
depositors in full."
The banker wanted to test the temper
of the public previous to a big scoop. In
the course of naif an hour tho doors were
kicked in, tho otlice gutted, the banker
stepped on until he was seventeen feet
long and only two inches thick, and the
chap who had held a revolver to his ear
jovially remarked:
"Now,, then, my friend, we give you
just five minutes to unlock that i-afe and
count out the slugs to the depositors in
full."
The depositors were paid in full, and
the banker has come East in search of
more civil people. Wall Street Areu.
Ho Only Wanted to Sec.
Judge Gerald Cummings is a respected
resident of Fort Worth, Texas, notwith
standing that he is immensely stout and
a member of the legal profession. Ho
tried many anti-fat remedies to redute
his weight, but without any satisfactory
result. He finally went to the Hot
Springs in Arkansas, and much to his
joy he lost considerable adipose tissue,
and returned to Fort Worth in a most
happy frame of mind. He thought and
talked of nothing else except his loss of
flesh.
lie went to market one morning re
cently, and said to tne butcher:
" Cut mo off twenty pounds of pork."
The request was complied with. The
judge looked at the meat for some time,
and then walked off.
" Shall I send the meat to your house,
judge?" asked the butcher.
"Oh, no," was tho reply, "1 aon t
want it. I have fallen off just twenty
pounds, and I only wanted to see how
much it was." Sijtingt.
Eat With Their Hands.
A lady who had married a farmer re
turned to visit her frionds in the city,
and one lady was anxious to know about
farm life.
"Don't you get lonesome away out in
the countr, " she asked.
"Qh, no," was the reply, "farmers'
wives are always busy and don't have
time to be lonesome."
"It there anybody about the house?"
"Of course; we employ quite a num
ber of people, especially in harvest, and
I see them at meal time every day."
"You don't have to be very stylish, do
vou?"
"Oh, no; all of the people are just
plain country folks, and you know farm
ers always eat with their hands."
"You don't say so; is that really
true?"
"Certainly it is."
"What do they do that for? Can't
they get knives and forks in the coun
try?" The farmer's wife gasped and choked
andtstopped talking. Mtrchaut-l'ravehr.
An Iowa Invention.
A farmer from Iowa traveling toward
Chicago was inquiring for the address of
an electrical manufacturing concern in
the city. "Have struck a big thing, and
an going down to Chicago to have it de
veloped." "Electric light?"
"No."
"Telephone?"
"No, none of them things. My inven
tion is agricultural, and will be a bless
ing to every farmer in the northwest.
You see, years ago when we had no
fences on our farms our hired men had
no place to sit down and rest, there
be in' no stuns or stumps. When the
wire fences come in stylo we chuckled
to ourselves and said the barbs on 'cm
was good not only to keep stock from
scratchin' or rubbin' of 'em down, but to
keep the hired men off. Well, the hired
men have beat that all to pieces. They
sew leather strips on their pants and
seem to delight in sitting on tho barb
wire every time they come to tho eud of
a row or furrow. They think they're so
smart, you know. Now I calculate that
the farmers of the northwest lose $700,
000 every summer and fall by hired men
wastiu' time sittin' on the fenco. But
I've fixed 'em my new invention will
stop that."
"New kind of barb on the wire?"
"No. There hain't no barb-wire on
earth that a hired man won't contrive to
sit down on at least two hours a day.
Just wait till next spring when I con
nect my ten-horse power electric battery
with the wires on my fences. Won't it
be fun? The wires will look nice and
inviting as usual, but about two ecouds
after the hired man has hat down you'll
see him jumpin' clean over the mules in
his anxiety to get back to the plow.
Whoop, but won't it befunl County
rights for sale." Chicago Tribune.
The Extra Day For Leap Year.
Smith fc Jones are in the flour business.
This is not their real firm name but it
will serve the purpose in relating tho
predicament they have been in for some
thing over a mouth in fact ever siuce
the trial bulance was taken off for lb84.
Over two years ago Smith &; Jones got
an order to supply five barrels of flour a
day to one of the big hotels up town.
Tliey thought their luck had really come,
and celebrated it by a champague lunch
at Uelmonico's. When they came to
foot up their accounts and take account
of stock for January 1, 1883, they found
themselves five barrels of flour short.
Smith looked at Jones, and Jones looked
at Smith, when this fact wag discovered,
and they both looked ot the bookkeeper.
r or over a month thev have been trying
to find out where that flour went. They
suspected tho bookkeeper, and came
down to the office one night and looked
over the books in his absence, but found
everything straight so far as
no was concerned. I he ware
houseman for Smith & Jones is a big,
good-natured Irishman named Mike. It
popped into Smith's head yesterday thst
Mike might know something about the
flour, although he was not an expert in
double-entry bookkeeping. They sent
for Mike. Smith stated ihe case slowly,
so as to let all the facts penetrate into
the presumably thick skull. When the
case was fully presented ho said :
"Now, Mike, you have the situation.
You put out five barrels of flour last year
more than the year before what became
of them?"
Mike pulled an old pipe out of his
mouth and replied :
"Wuz that fhat yez wuz looking so
sober about? Wuz that fhat yez brought
me oop from tho warehouse about? Ax
me somethin' aisy, why don't yez? Av
coorse I know where that five barrels av
flour wint. There's yer hotel contract,
and there's yer extra day in Fibruary for
lape year."
Smith looked at Jones, and Jones
looked ut Smith. Then Smith said :
"Mike, you can go. And, I say, Mike,
you can send yourself home a barrel of
our best flour. And, I say, Mike, you
needn't mind saying anything about it,
you know."
But it got out all the same. New
York Tribune.
The Right Sort or a Tenant.
"Oh, yes, I have all kinds of tenants,"
said a kind-faced old gentleman to a
Chicago Herald reporter: "but ono that
I like the best is a child not more than
ten years of age. A few years age I got
a chance to buy a piece of land over on
the west side, and I did so. I noticed
that there was an old coop of a house on
it. After a while a man came to me
and wanted to know if I would rent it
to him."
" What do you want it for?" says I.
" ' To live in,' he replied.
"'Well,' I said, 'you can have it.
Pay me what you think it is worth to
you.'
"The first month he brought $2, and
the second month a littlo boy, who said
he was this man's son, came with $3.
After that I saw tho man once in awhile,
but in the course of time the boy paid
tho rent regularly, sometimes $2 and
sometimes i. One day I asked tho boy
what had become of his father."
" 'He's dead, sir,' was tho reply.
'"Is that so?' said I. 'How long
since?'
" ' More'n a year,' he answered.
"I took his money, but I made up my
mind that I would go over and investi
gate, and the next day I drove over there.
the old sued lOOKea," quire ucceni. i
knocked at the door and a littlo girl let
me in. I asked for her mother. She
said she didn't have any.
" 'Where is she," said I.
" 'We don't know, sir. She vent
away after my father died and we've
never seen her since."
"Just then a littlo girl about three
years old came in, and I learned that
these three children had been keeping
house together for a year and a half, the
boy supporting his two little sisters by
blacking boots and selling newspapers,
and the elder girl managing the house
nnd taking care of the baby. Well, I
just had my daughter call on them, and
we-keep an eye on them now. I thought
I wouldn't disturb them while they are
getting along. The next time the boy
camo with the rent I talked with him
a littlo, and then I said:
"My boy, you're a brick. You keep
right on as you have begun and you
wid never be sorry. Keep your little
sisters together and never leave them.
Now look at this."
"I showed him a ledger in which I
had entered up all the money that he
had paid mo for rent, and I told him it
was all his with interest. 'You keep
right on,1 says I, 'and I'll be your
banker, and when this amounts to a little
more I'll see that you get a house some
where of your own.' That's the kind
of a tenant to have."
A Cat Mesmerizes a Mouse.
One of our well-known citizens is tho
posses-or of a cut, which is a great pet in
the family. Indeed, it is doubtful if the
family could keep house without that
cut. A few evenings ugo the cut came
into the house bringing a mouse, no un
common thing for the cut to do, as it is
a good mouser. But the cat played
with the mouse for un hour and a half,
then bet it up by the wall and crept into
bed and went to sleop. Tho mouse,
though still alive and apparently unin
jured, remained just where the cat put it
for so long that tho family became inter
ested in tho mouse, ami the gentleman
proceeded to stir it up. The little animal
started to run, went a short distance and
returned to the very spot where the cat
hud left it. Then the gentleman tried
to entice the mouse away with a bit of
cheese. This succeeded only so far that
the mouse would leave its position, get
the cheese and return. This was tried
again and again, aud always with the
same result the mouse returned to its
former position us if under orders which
it dared not disobey. Later tho cat
awoke and also the mouse.
Now the family ure very much inter
ested in tho question: "What did the
cat do to the mouse to make it so anxious
to remain just where the cat left it uutil
the former could look after it? Was it
annual magnetism, or was there somo
subtle means of communication between
them, and thecat told themouse to remain
there, and the mouse did as it was told,
except when interfered with by more
intelligent humanity?" PiHiJemx Journal.
HAVE FAITH INTIME.
There's a quaint and curious proverb.
The years have handed down,
Vou'll hear it in the village street,
You'll hoar It In the town.
You read it in each blado of grass,
And in the river's chime.
All nature's works, with one accord,
Proclaim, "have faith In time."
"Have faith in time," Impatient ono,
Go watch the roses grow,
Silently, Imperceptibly,
No chango your eye con know.
But now there's borne upon the air
A cloud of perfume sweet,
A flush as of a sunset cloud,
A rose is at your feotl
"Have faith in time." Thy future life
Thou may'st not seek to know.
'Tis veiled from thy too curious eyes,
For God has willed it so,
Tet hoed the moments as they go
Ere they are lost to thee.
For each one, as it passes by,
Is big with destiny.
Eliza M. Shtrman.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Paris generally loads in the fatuous,
but Niagara cannot be equaled for fall
style. Texat Stftingt.
Beginners with the roller skates usual
ly complain that the wheels are too
round. Buffalo Timet.
Somebody has noticed that a woman
who shakes the door mat on the side
walk fills the public eye." Lynn Item.
A policeman is a curious creature. He
knows a rogue when he sees him, but
very often he doesn't seize a rogue when
he knows him. Judge.
Oscar Wilde has been so toned down
that he can fall off the hind end of a
horse car in as plain a fashion as any
other mortal. Pittsburg Chronicle.
"Misfortunes never come singly,"
whined a man meeting his friend.
"What's the matter now?" "Why, -last
year I got married, and last night
mv house burned down."
j
A Queen City girl, rating souse
Caught a glimpse of a beautiful mouse,
When the note that she reached,
As phe stood up and screeched.
Would have drawn a 81,000 house.
Boston Folio.
"Yes," said the Scissors to the Paste
Pot, "first there was the Golden Age,
then came the Silver Age and the Brazen
Age, and now comes tho Mucil Age,"
whereat the Paste Pot went into convul
sions. Boston Globe.
"Did you enjoy the party, Emma?"
"Ever so much, mamma." "I hope you
were a good little girl and listened to
what was said to you?" "I did, mamma,
I listened nil the evening to one person
talk." "Who was talking?" "I was."
An exchange has an article on "Char
acter in AValkinsj." This just suits us.
We can tell in two minutes by the char
acter of a man,s tracks iu the mud
whether he is bow-legged or has been out
celebrating all night. Burlington Free
Presr.
"How do you like your boarding
house. Crimsonbeak?" said a friend to
that individual when they mot on the
street. "First rate 1" answered Crimson
beak. "Any life down there?" "Lots
of it; but it's all confined to the cheese."
Statesman.
ODlt TO A BLIZZARD.
Oh, thy breath is as bitter and biting
As the sting of a serpent's sharp tooth.
And uercely tuy force we are nguiing,
For we reckon thee reckless ot ruth 1
Though sweet and serene is the summer
1'huc borrows her breath from the rose,
Yet the coachman and cold-hearted plumber
Beam blithely when Boreas blows.
New York Journal.
Lieutenant There is nothing like
presence of mind. One day in battle a
soldier near me had four of his teeth
knocked in by a rifle ball, which would
have surely passed through his spinal
column and killed him had he not with
rare presence of mind quickly swallowed
the ball. FUeqende Blaetter.
"What's the reason you d;dn't speak to
Jones when he passed us just now!" "He
iusulted me the other day. " "What did
he say to you?" "Ho called mo an old
ass." "Called you an old ass! How
ridiculous! Why, you are not old; you
are just in your prime. Y'ou will not bo
an old ass for ten or fifteen years yet."
Sifting..
There was a court martial held on a
young officer who had gone on a spree
and had a fight in a barroom. The bar
proprietor was brought before the court
atd put in the witness box. The pris
oner was placed in full view. "Witness,
do you recognize the prisoner?" "Yes,
your honor, and most of the court."
San Franouuv Chronicle.
The Pine Wood Treatment.
At some of the watering places of Ger
many the very simple prescription of the
physician is that t he patient should spend
several hours a day walking or riding
through tho pine wood. This simple
treatment is said to be sometimes sup
plemented by tho takiug of piue baths,
and iu the caso of kidney diseases, and
for delicate children this is claimed to
be highly beneficial. The bath is pre
pared by pouring into tho water about
half a tumblerful of an extract made
from the fresh needles of the piue; this
extract is dark iu color and closely re
sembles treacle iu consistency, and when
poured into the bath gives tho water a
muddy appearance, with a slight foam
on the surface. As an adjunct to the
daily bath this iufusiou of pinu extract
is said to induce a most agreeable sensa
tion; it gives the skin a ueliciously soft
aud silky feeling, aad the ellect on tne
nerves is quieting.
If you keep all pleasure out of home
when your children are young, they will
continue vour example when you are
old. "
A