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4
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOV 26. 1884.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
VOL, I7II HO. 32.
mm
f 1 vs. , yk
who grnmbio, '
. us you can."
;u life, but why make
;y croaker,
!:, croak, croak,
a funeral,
I a Joke;
coffin,
nail, no doubt;
il'lng visage
Iraws one out
, unhappy croaker,
living vane,
-'in weather, '
ug to rain;
i u)g are ruined,
IC-jogS
w the country
igs.
croaker
uiw day,
; leaven
way;
; pavement
.hold,
. und mutter,
- they 're gold. "
-itroit Fret Press.
FLAG.
y, dazed And indolent,
.-.id missed tbo train in
s life; as if the world
li ft him hopelessly be
.'tn turkey for him this
?y years past, I reckon
! soldier (wholimp
. for ho had a lot of
' rfory, the other
If it is untrue,
mo, I only givo
"Job" Stuart
r:.l flank. His
itfhfd on the
) a little way
two or three
e hillside.' The
re and nodded
. lite hay. All
' under the trees in
black men, white
i who were gray
' -ys who had seen
-rJly yet as many
tlcy lot; ragged,
; hey lay befere the
I corn, gnawing it
'making it, roasting
lies on the coals,
;;r fire of old Yir-
w and then a shot
r, still night, away
mt. too closely for
. then better disposed
linos, or more favored
t together and reached
i heir bayonets tobacco,
I newspapers, in a sort of
piisoncrs of war. The moon
ud white in the great blue
. uud nil the stars of heaven
a in pity and in peace,
ong burst out. The bluck men
nsr, louder, sweeter, with more
1 memories of homo than the
a. It was a sad, grotesque,
i uniquo picture. Suddenly
1 in tho midst of the ragged
ions lot.
line I Look here, Sergeant
jit discipline or death. Dis
pny. Do you want me to
'.'8 and win victories with a
mob like this and tho eneny
waiting to recoil on us the
we give him a chance! Dis
. say. Hang your blacks, and
,r whites; or have discipline 1"
ia a second 1 And the lone:.
, and the sleeping lads pulled
h together and tried to look
..ke soldiers, while tho blacks,
:vstion of their being hung up,
l from the fitful embers into
, as if Uiey were a part of it.
! wearibenrded chief threw
,i a heap of saddles at hand
t his sternness, as he looked
: the wretched group of poor
i 'icred for a Uttlo rest under
'.'n hungry; hungry as
have you got to eat?"
! !'a sprung up, a half dozeu
;il less troopers rushed for-
: iiuia out of the night, back
trees, there came many black
r.d each and every one, bluck
: men, old men and little boys,
'. ...i aud thrust into the chieftain's
..ah generous alacrity, an ear of
corn. Borne of these cars of corn
,y a few teeth-marks in them, be-
uost entirely intact. Others again
lietty well gnawed down to tho
Dut thev were all alike offered
rompt generosity.
orn!" and the Confederate chief
i his head with a grim and sickly
, as he muttered to himself: "torn
corn, roasted corn, raw corn, white
red corn, nil kinds of corn. No,
hoys, I'm hungry, but. I can't eat
any more to-night. J he men
1 back, in respectful silencs into a
circle. And there, suddenly
ow, in tho centre of the circle
a child, a- little boy, who had
,.1-jused from his sleep on the pile
it .L . . . i
' lies in i ne commotio:: mui ui
; the chieftain's coming. And
aido awake, with a little toy nag
Land and a red apple in the other,
.'.tie boy stood there in tho niiust o
: v, lid aud l'AtTKea men, with cheek
,hv as the apple he held in his
.led little hand.
f yer hungry, mister, captuin, gen
here's my yed apple," nuil wit
the little boy toddled right up and
i almost between the booted legs of
urprised soldier.
ergeaut Zeb, where in all Jericho
ibis child come from? Is it yours?
't have child reu around nie here. I
V babies home; didn't you do the
'"Tnln't mv poor little chlckie, Gen
eral Stuart."
"Then take It to it's mother," thun
dered the chief.
"It's mother is doad, general."
"To its father, then."
"It's father is dead, too, general."
"Dead?"
"Dead. Killed in the battle yester
day when you led over that stone fence
by tho farm house on the hill.sah.
The Confederate general bit his lips.
Thon.muttering to himself as he rose up
and turned half awav: "Killed at the
farm house where f led. Some poor
farmer defending his home and little
ones. I can't stand this!"
"Please, sir, Mister General, won't you
take my yed apple? Papa growed it in
his orchard. And he buyed mo that,
too."
Here tho child reached its little flag,
trvinir hard to make friends with the
seemingly hard man, who was turning
awav as if to avoid it.
"Sergeant Zcb.wherc did lhat flag
come from?"
" Had it in his hand when I found it,
sah: it won't civc it up. Bah; says its
father cave it to it for the Fourth of
Julv. sah."
" Foil of July," piped the little waif,
wavinir tho little stars ana stripes over
bead, there in the midst of the dark and
catherintr circle of soldier under the
oaks. Tho general turned, stooped and
caught the child in his arms.
' Keen Your nretty little flag, and
wave it when and where you like. Here,
Zcb, take care of this kid. Boys, we
killed its father by chance, yesterday.
Let us take care of it. We can't do less ;
and, maybe, it will bring us luck. What
do you siiv, boys?"
The wild shout that shook the leaves
of the oaks overhead startled the advo
cate for discipline, and. urning to Zcb,
as he strode away into the night for an
other part of his camp, ho shouted:
"Silence! and Zeb, discipline, discip
line! Dash it, discipline or death, I
ay I" and he was gone. They gathered
about the wild-eyed, rosy-faced orphan
with its little flag and red apple, and
many a black and white and not over
clean haud reached out to tov with and
stroke the hair of gold that bung heavy
as corn silk in summer time over the
lad's shoulders.
" I found it in the fence corner," said
Zeb, all a shiverin', and its daddy and
its mammy dead, shot down by stray
bullets when we stormed the place."
"Yes, and dar war a rabbit right
aside ub him," said a black face back in
the dark, over another man's shoulder.
"An eollv. we kotched and eat der
rabbit." chuckled another black man.
. . ... . . . , , . i :m
"Hal, wen Keep me juu; ec im
till tho cows come home." And with a
grunt of universal approval from all ns
tbey gradually melted away, old wo
hoisted the little one mgn up on nis co
lossal shoulders, and turned suddenly to
ook and to listen, for there wasa shout
down the hill and a suddon sharp vol
ley of shots ubove, beyond the hay
stacks. It began to look as if this little
ouud of raiders had cot into a bite.
Shouts of tho enemy down the hill; shots
ol tho enemy up the hill beyond the hay
stacks. Which way should the surprised
and panic-stricken soldiers fly? The co
lossol old Virginia sergeant, with the
child on his massive shoulders, was the
only otlicer in charge. 1 he blacks were
hiding about behiud trees, behind each
other, under saddles, uianiteis, anywnere
The Bhouts of the advancing enemy came
loud and clear from below and very near.
The camp-fire, the song of the soldiers,
had done tho mischief. This little squad
of raareed, panic-stricken night raiders
wns cioomeu. luoieavcn iresou m
ike autumn time over old Zeb, tne tall
and angular old sergeant.
What a plight for a soldier I a Dauie
on hand and a babe in his arms. The
old sergeant came near throwing it away
with tho neap oi negroes, aiuiug away
under tho saddles. Where was Stuart?
The sergeant put his hand to hi ear and
leaned to listen as best he could between
tho sharp volleys from below that were
. . t (L. n.vfr .o.'a
ruininr ine prospect ui iu uw
acorn cron in tho trees overhead. He
could hear the clatter of iron hoofs on
the hicrh ridjro to the west. The moon
was setting large ana rouna ana low.
Over the bare cre6t of this hill and
against tho moon he could seo the Con
federate cavalry pouring in iiuiwiuuua
fliyht. Stuart, the cautious and wary
leader, had escaped.
"Come men i Wo must iouow our gen
eral on foot any way to get out ot this.
Come! Up by the haystacks and over
the ridge."
The strong man started up tne stony
hill to pass the hay stacks. The child,
as if it was afraid it might fall, wound
its left arm affectionately about the great
irrav shock of hair. And that little act
saved it: that accidental show of affec
tion won tho old fellow's heart entirely.
Why, ho would not now have pitched it
aside with the terrified negroes for gold.
Up tho hill he led swiftly, the men
following in groups, knots, sin
gly, armed, unarmed, limping,
leauinir. erect in all manners oi ways,
onlv so as to escape the Federals, charg
ing up the hill from below. They could
see tho points of shiciug bayonets enter
incr their camp, by the liirht of the burn
ian fence rails, as they fled out of it, and
tho black color had nearly all faded from
the flyiug Confederates as they ueared
the haystacks.
Hero the gray-headed old sergeaut,
with the child on his shoulder, paused
lor a moment right under the haystacks
to tret his bearings. The moon had
fulleu down behind the crest of the hill.
It was nearly dark now. Ihe federal
bayonets were only a few steps in the
rear. The ragged Confederates huddUd
close aud helpless up aud after the tall
aud grizzled old giant, who stood thtre
looking out which way to lead thein.
wth the child on his shoulder, its little
ldft arm hugging the great shaggy head,
s nj;ht oue holding the Aug.
The tall, eray soldier threw tip ht
great, heavy hand to his brow and looked
out under his broad palm to try and see
which way to lead, buadeniy the Hay
stacks bluzed out beforo him, and the
whole scene was bright ns day. Tb
Federals had been waiting for the Con
federates to come. And now s th'jy
stood there, huddled together and help
less as sheep, they found tho haysU.cks
in their path or ictrcax, ana sioou mere
behind them, before them.irouDil them.
to shoot them down in thcTighttlie; had
kindled.
It was a matchless and inngitificent
sight! No soene so bright, no siwilight
brighter! It pleased the child, etxeited
nnd delighted it. What could ijt care
for the long line of gleaming guns Unvelad
a few rods away in the rear? Wlu.t did
it know of the death hiding djown in
every gleaming gun-barrel ol thi (t com
pact moss of uniformed men just Ibefore?
Nothing at all. Its little heart le apt with
wonder delight at the beautiful u ni forms,
the discipline, the quick action :n which
every gun was brought instantly to the
shoulder. Tho bayonets were beautiful
the gleaming bayonets all in t'ae bright
light.
The child seemed to think this a part
of the celebration, and in the fulness of
its delight, just as the Federal officer
drew his sword and was giving the word
"Fire 1" the child, holding tight on to
tho great grizzly head with its left hand,
and, as if to contributo its part, to the
oelebration. waved its little flag- there in
the glare and light. And in tn at awful
stillness which comes always be fore any
dreadful catastrophe, piped out in its
shrill, little voice, as it raised itself high
er for the occasion :
"Foff of Julv."
Put it upon record in gokl nnd red
that the Federal officer lowejet I the point
of his sword. The heavy breeches of the
cruns struck the stony ground with a thud.
The line of blue divided, and the old
gray Confederate, with his little charge
on his shoulder still waving the little flag,
Dnssed on throuirh the line, while cheer
after cheer shook the bullet-riddled leaves
of the oaks overhead.
And this is the story of tho old1. Con
federate soldier of the Shenandoah, who
had missed the train on the line -of Pro
grcss, down in old Virginia. -Joaquin
Miller.
COVERINGS FOR THE HEAD.
AV XHTZSKSTIHO DESCKXFTIO Of
HOW HATS ABB MA OB.
A Farmer's Private Railroad Station
"We made, a singular discovery the
other dav," remarked an oc.icial of.
road running; into Chicago. About
three miles beyond a certain, station on
our line there is a farm house by the
side of the track. Just beyond the
farm house is a little creek , over which
thero is a smtill bridge. About four
venrs ago some repairs were made to that
Uttlo bridge, ajid, of course, tho bridge
gang had put up a signboard "uun
Blow' on citner side auring me aay or so
the bridge was weakened. When they
had finished tiieir work, th y went oil
and forgot the signs. The fact is, the
boards had disappeared, and they didu'
take the troulle to hunt tliem up.
"Some weets afterward, no one know
just when, those signs reappeared in their
former places. JNoooay Knew wno put
them there or what for. Nobody cared
If the section men noticed them at all
they thought the bridge men hnd done it.
It was nono of the engineer's business
w'hy they were there it was their duty
to observe regulations, whita required
them to slow down at all such signs.
Observe regulations they did. For about
four years not a train had passed over
that little bridge without slowing al
most to a standstill. The culvert, for
that's all it is, has been its safe as any
part of the roadbed, and yet stopping
and starting trains there has cost this com
puny thousands of dollars. You know,
it costs money to stop and start trains.
"You are wondering how it all comes
about, of oourse. Well, that farmer
stole those boards and put thf m up
again at his leisure. For four years he
has been going into the town or coming
from it on our trains, getting on or off right
at his own door. It was a slick scheme,
and how he must have laughed at us and
enjoyed it all the while, liut his game
is up now, and tne engineers are having
their revenge by keeping up an infernal
screeching of their whistles at all hours
of the day or night whenever they pass
that farm house." Chicago Jlerald.
Uncle Esek's Wisdom
There is no rule for beauty ; this en
ables every man to have a Uttlo better
looking wife than any of his neighbors.
I don t expect to pieaso everybody, l
don't know as I vould if I could, for I
don't think anybody but a fool could
do it.
l'he last thing a man doubts is his
judgment, when it ought to bo tho first
thing he is suspicious oi.
When the devil turns moralist looic
out for breakers; no one can tell where
he is 'going to hit next; he can t even
tell himself.
Tho world is all agog just now; every
body wants to talk, aud nobody wants
to listen the fool-killer will be around
soon, and put a stop to these things.
I believe in moral suasion as a collat
eral. Ignorance is the principal ingredient
in bigotry obstinacy und a general cus
sednesa complete the job.
It ain't so much the ignorance of man
kind that makes them ridiculous, as the
knowing so much that ain t so.
Jokes weren't made to cast before
swine, any more than pearls were; and
the man who can make them shouldn't
throw them around too loose.
The man who can, in a few words, tell
all he knows, on any subject, at a mm
ute's notice, is a hard one to tangle.
It is the brains of the devil thut make
him terrible; a fool-devil is the lowest
order of cranks. L'tutuvy.
It is said that the Germans ar to the
Americans in Chicugo as three to two.
A Ciirloua Iro-e and One That Calls
lor Ureal Labor Various Ntafee
ot Hat-Making.
In the first place the whole material of
which a good felt hat is made with the
exception of the bands, binding and lin
ing is fur. For this purpose the furs
f the beaver, the Russian hare, the rab
bit, the French coney and the ' South
American rutriit are used. Every reader
will be familiar with all but the last
named animal, which is a soft-coated,
beautifully marked rodent, about as large
as a cat. Several of these furs are mixed
to make the felt, and the mixtures for
fine hats are secrets carefully guarded by
the' men who have discovered the right
proportions tor the constituents.
1 he forming process is a most curious
one. It consists of a copper cono six
inches broad across the top, about twelve
broad across the bottom and three feet
high. This cone is full of holes; in fact,
A , . - 1 1 L
it is u sieve, jv woraman tunes it aim
dampens it. Then he sets it so that the
rim at the bottom is caught in the
round groove of a wooden plate. This
plate is raised a foot above the lloor in
the center of a semi-circular wooden fence
rising six feet above the floor. On one
side ot this particular, incio&ure and
rising above it are the rollers of a big
machine, at which a boy is standing. The
boy sets the machine going and it begins
to nil the air above it with hair. the
man with the cone has also started some
machinery, apparentlv, for the cone is
rapidly revolving horizontally, and some
. . 1 1 1 V . 1 " , A. i
imng Deneaiu it wuicu uaunuu ue seen is
uuzzing busiiy. men me man iaa.es me
two doors which are folded back from
the sides of the semi-circular fence and
closes them. They form another complete
semi-circle and the cone is thereupon shut
up in a kind of wooden well six feet in
diameter. Hair is raining down all this
time from the machine above this well.
Before a minute is over the machine has
tossed all the fur for one hat into the air.
The bov rings a bell, the machine stops,
the man opens the doors of the well, the
cone is stopped, and then the visitor
looks at what seems a miracle. All the
fur which has been seen lately falling
softly like rain into the wooden well is
lying evenly distributed,upon the top and
sides of the cone.
This loose fur covering of the copper
cone is the felt hat as it first begins to
take shape. The man who is attending
to it throws wet cloths about it and car
ries cono and all away to a tank, where
he plunges it in boiling water. Then he
carries the cone to a table and carefully
strips tho hat form off it. It needs an
experienced hand to do this; a tyro at
tho business would break the loose lying
form all to bits. The man performs the
operation with ease, though, and turns
it over and over, looking for flaws and
weak parts. Whenever he perceives one
he takes some wet fur and sticks it there.
When he has patched the form before
him he wraps a wet cloth about it and
carefully wrings it out. When the
wringing process is complete bedrolls it
with a wooden rolling pin, just as a woman
rolls pastry. He rolls it from- tho top
downward and its height diminishes
very minute. At first it was about
three feet high and the same in other
dimensions as the cone, but in a little
while it is contracted, with the rolling
pin and continued dipping in hbt water,
to two feet high, about. Then it is taken
to what Is called . the sizing shop. In
this place are round tables, the centers
of which are low, while the boards slope
up to the outer edges; in the low, cen
tral part boiling water is bubbling. A
man stands at each of theso tables and
beside him lies a pile of hat forms. He
takes one and beats it and dips it in the
boiling water and rolls it from the top
downward tilt it becomes not more than
nine inches high.
When it has reached the required size
for this process the hat is "shaved" by a
man who takes it on his knee and goes
over its surface rapidly with a very sharp
knife. Then it is "second sized" or rolled
again to make it smaller, and after
that stiffened with shellac dissolved in
alcohol, laid on with a brush, then it is
cleared, the surface being washed with a
solution of soda. The next process is
dyeing, which is very carefully done, the
exact proportions of dyewood to water
being preserved and the hats kept con
tinually stirred as, if they were allowed
to rest on each other, there would be
some very extraordinary coloring effects
produced.
After being dyed the hat goes to the
"blocker out." This man who is one
of many has a hand on him like a
horse's hoof; the palm is one great cal
lous as white as a water blister and as
bard as sole leather, and the palm side of
his finger and thumb show similar cal
lousness. These are produced by the
man's work, which is especially hard.
He has by strength and considerable skill
iud much perseverance to pull the hat
into the shape of the block. There are
no artificial aids. Ho dips tho hat into
boiling water, pulls it out again, dips his
hand into a cask of cold water which
stands by his side, and then grasping
some portion of the hat between his
haud he braces himself aud pulls.
When the "blocker out" has got
through with it the hat is ready for fin
ishing. A man now pulls it over a block
and irous it into the tina! shape. Then
smooth sand paper is used to pouuee or
smooth it. After being thoroughly
pounced the hut is then greased with hot,
crude oil to make the color eveu; then it
is rounded and the brim cut to any de
sired width. After this cutting, which
is done with a gauged hand-machine,
the hat goas away to tho curlers, who
curl the brim. These men must be very
skillful and have good eyes for sue and
shape. They taie a curved iron blade
with a wooden handle and turn up the
ides of the brim a little at a time till
they get it to the required shape. One
of these men frequently makes as much
as $75 per week, and one week he made
110. After the hats have passed through
the curlers' hands they go to the trim
mers, who are all girls, ihese put on
the silk binding and the sweat bands and
sew in the lining, and the hats are then
taken away to the packing room, where
each hat is carefully nested in a com-
mrtment of the wooden box in which it
s to travel to its destination. Such is
the method of making stiff! felt hats.
The soft felt articles are turned out in
much the same way save that the stiffen
ing is omitted aud the brim is flanged
Over an iron block.
To make the silk stovepipe hats a
large square of muslin is dipped in shel
lac, wrung out and then stretched over
a wooden frame to dry. After drying it
is cut up into sizes and shapes suitable
for the various parts of the hat. Some
pieces are cut on the bias for the crowns
of hats, others are stiffened particularly
for the brims', while the muslin for the
central cylinders, which are to be the
Bides, is cut out in oblong squares. Ihe
material for a dozen of these hats is then
given to a workman, who draws the
frame of the hat together around a block
and fastens it by means of a not iron.
The shell of the hat, as it is called, is
then varnished and dried, making it stiff,
and then the silk plush is put on, a man
ironing it to the shellac covered shell and
sponging it with water at every stroke of
the iron. Girls sew in the crown and
the brim after the sides of the shell have
been fastened, and then the Beams are
gone over with a hot iron, which con
ccals all traces of them. The brim is
then curled as in the case of the felt ar
ticle, and the hat then goes away to the
luering machine, where the polish brushes,
revolving rapidly, give it a nigh polish
From the luering machine it goes to the
hands of a girl who trims it and puts in
the lining.
Opera hats are made of steel springs
imported from France and covered here
with either merino or black satin.
Brooklyn Eagle.
War on the Sparrow.
War has again been declared against
the English sparrow. Tho hardy and
aggressive bird's enemies are moblizing
with the determination to make a more
vigorous attack upon him than he ever
before experienced. The leaders in the
movement are ornithologists and sports
men. They have prepared a circular
petition, that has been widely dis
tributed and extensively signed, asking
that some concerted action be taken to
exterminate the "foreigner." The bird
is spoken of as an "intolerable pest,
and, beside being put down as a genera
nuisance, he is charged with ruthlessly
murdering or driving away " our own
sweet-voiced songsters." The petitions
are to be sent to the Ornithological
union of New York, and the society will
take some action regarding them.
" I think the sparrow is a nuisance,
said a sportsman who is taking part in
the movement, yesterday. "He is an
ugly little thing, with a voice like the
sound made by a door swinging on rusty
hinges. His habits are very disagree
able, and he is the most avaricious and
bellicose creature in the whole bird
world. He fights like a professional
pugilist, and there is not a nice, quiet
genteel bird that can stand up against
him. A whole brood of 'em have taken
possession of an ivy-vine that covers one
of the walls of my house. They bull
dozed all the other birds that used to
come there so much that they have the
whole vine to themselves now. ihey
make such a noise that I can hardly
sleep after daylight. Tho only way I
can begin to get square is by popping
over a dozen or two of them beforo
breakfast every other morning. The
sport amuses me, but it doesn't seem to
make any diminution in the numbor of
the birds. There must be millions of
'em. But I'm agin 'em all the same
I'm agin 'em to the death. '
The caretakers of several public
squares said that the sparrows have
taken almost entire possession of the
trees and shrubs in tho urban parks, and
if any other bird strays in he is pretty
sure to be set upon by the brown
feathered " toughs" and beaten off.
Philadelphia Tintes.
VALLEY AND PEAK.
The Valley said to the Peak,
" Ob, Peak, I fain would arise
And be great like you; I would seek
Your remote and sacred sklea.
Although I lie so low
At your feet, I aspire to share
The mysteries that you know
In your cloud-roofed house of air."
The Peak to the Valley said,
" Oh, V alley, be content.
Since for you my veins have bled,
And for you my breath is spent.
Alone, for your sake, I live
In the cold and cloudy blue,
Great only by what I give
Out of unreached heavens to you."
Lucy Laream.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
I
His First Case,
lost my first case to a miserable
He is a philosopher who can find music
in a fat man's snore.
A man with a cast in his eye A trout
fisherman. Teta Sifting.
Earthquakes causo quite a movement
in real estate. New York Dial.
A cobbler's wifo call him "Breath,"
because ho lasts for the living.
Practical iokes Those that are BUb-
liahed and paid for. Xeu York Mail.
The only bar that tramps are unfamiliar
with Crowbar. New York Telegram.
A Boston agricultural editor says that
the best way to preserve peaches is to .
keep a bulldog in the orchard. CounAr
Journal.
A society exchange says : "Ladies' bon
nets this season will be felt." yes, ana
the one to feel it most will bo tho hus
band. Boiton Pott.
"Why is a harmonious husband and
wife like eight cubic feet?" asked Flat
tery, and before I could reply the answer
came: "Because they are both in accord."
Boston Time.
A fashion paper, in describing a belle's
attire recently, said she wore carbuncles,
and now that poor girl gets 300 differ
ent recipes for the cure of boils in every
mail. Washington Hatchet.
An esteemed contemporary, talking of
a man run over on Monday by a Market
street car, says he has four doctors in at
tendance on him, and then unnecessarily
adds: "It is doubtful whether he will
recover." San Francisco Pott.
Orange peel is now said to be collected,
dried in ovens and sold for kindling
fires. It burns readily and with great
fierceness and is safer than kerosene.
Now cannot some useful avooation be
found for the treacherous banana peel.
Philadelphii Call.
" So, you have finally made'up your
mind you won't have me?" he asked.
"Yes, firmly," she replied. "I suppose
you take me for a fool for proposiug to
you so often." "No, sir; I don't take
you for a fool. I wouldn't have you for
a gift." Detroit Free Prea$.
" I hear that your wife creates quite a
sensation," said one Burlington man to
another who bad recently been married.
" Well, I guess eho does." replied the
other dubiously, feeling of the bumps on
his head. "But the sensations are not
altogether so pleasant as might be
wished. Burlington Free Pres.
"You must be sick to hire a horse 'in
the daytime," said an impecunious young
man to a companion. "Why so?" was
the inquiry. "Are they any cheaper at
night?" "Guess they are! All you've got
to do is to eat a live-cent slice of mince
pie and you can have a mure all night
that would beat Maud S. to flinders."
Burlington Free Press.
KKAKSJRKD.
"Oh, youth, with smooth sand-papered pate,
The night is dark, the hour is late,
Why do you linger on my gatef
'I stay to help your daughter hold
This gate upon its hinges old;
Go in, old man, you're catching cold!"
The old man sought his little bed.
And pillowed there his tranquil head;
"I guess the gate is safe," he said.
Luther Q. Biggs.
"Landlord!" cried an irritated traveler
who had been eating dried-apple pie at
a railroad lunch-house, as ho held one
hand to his shattered jaw and produced
a gimlet with the other. "Look at this
confounded gimlet I've found in your
pie and broke half the teeth in my head
out on!" "Well, I declare I" said the
landlord. "I wanted to use that yester
day and hunted all over for it. Much
obliged, strauger." Nete York Star.
little pettifogging lawyer named Johnny
Wood," said General Sharp, at Chicago.
" I was a graduate of Harvard Luw
school, and had a good deal of conceit,
beside a- perfectly good case. When
my senior warned me that I should have
to meet Johnny Wood. I laughed at
him. The suit was before a justice of
the peace. We made out our case, and
Wood's client, the plaintiff, made out
none worth speaking of at till. When
Johnny Wood nroso to speak ho re
hearsed the evidence impartially, and
then, taking up a book read tho law
such law as I had never heard of, but
which fitted his case to a nicety. When
he got through, I said, Mr, Wood, will
you allow me to see that statute, please?"
" ' Certuinly, sir,' ho iepliod, bunding
me the book closed.
" 'Ah, thank you; but what page iu it
on?'
" 'What pagef he cried, indignant.
'Don't expect uie to coach you, young
man. Find your own law you. 1
found mine.''
"Of course I couldn't liud it, but
Johnny hud the laugh, und the court
w ith him, uud I lost my case, according
to the luw which that scoundrel Wood
had made out of his head just ui ho
spun it out."
The professor of unatouiy at the Edin
burgh university i puid .1U,000 a year.
The heuds of the departments of Lalin
and mathematics receive f 7.500 each.
Curious Land Sinks.
Those curious depressions of th soil
known as sinks, a Florida letter sy,'
have attracted tho attention of scientific
men and form one of the features of
the country to visitors. Timid people
are afraid of them, but I do not see any
difference between them and the natural
depressions one meets within all wooded
counties. Sometimes an acre will com
meuce to sink toward tho center and
year after year the depth iucreases until
it reaches its lowest point uud stands
still. Some of these places are wonder
fully beautiful, being covered with a
luxuriant undergrowth of bush vegeta
tion, shaded by immense trees
gurltndod with grapevines and
jasmine, aud charmingly draped
with the beautiful moss of this coun
try, with perhups at the base a pool of
clear water. These bosky shades are
much frequeuted by cattle and they eu
liunce by the attractions of life aud motion
a picture that any artist might be proM
to add to his collection. Sometimes the
central part really does fall out of sight,
leaving a hole whoso depth may be im
agined, but out of such fissures I have
seen oak trees growing of large girth,
proving that they do not really go
through to China.
At Regent's park,
50,000 plants are given
poor applicants. ,
London, about
away yearly to