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VOLIVll NO. 23.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPT 24, 1884,
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
la published every We Ineaday, by
J. E. WENK.
Office ill Bmenibaugh & Co.'s Building
ELM STHKBr, TIOKESTA, PA.
)
LAND WHERE OUR DftlAMS
COME TRUE
r some mist-hidden river
miller a wonderful sky,
tho rain nevor blots out the sunshine,
) our loves nover weary or din;
i e tho Howcih npvor fade but in changing
ir magical sweetness renew,
i gloried realm of cneliantniont,
n land whore our dreams como truel
mystical synil oh anil tokens,
Wo know of tlmt beautiful land;
t, nln! on the threshold of timnliood
Tito frail clue siiped out of our hand
A rid tho wild river wandered Ixjtweun;
The white gates are hidden from vlow,
And only in sleep we romemlier
The land where our dreams come truol
Ve Rhall find the lost treasures wo seek for
r.vt uled in thai wonderful sphere;
'" e alms and tho dreams of the bygone,
' good that eluded us here;
nt faiths of our childhrKKl,
1 flnmoloss friendship we knew,
m our banished illusions
lnd where our dreams come truel
- mow in divlnest fulfillment
ur vain hopes are guthorod at home;
e jewels we mourn here are hoarded
Whore the moth and tho rust cannot come;
'id oft when tho sunset is faintest
We catch through a rift iu tho blue
' fnr-away glimpso of the glories
nt the land whero our dreams come truel
iu are garnered tho prayers of tur moth
ers,
'd the soft cradle songs that they sung;
;!iey move In the mint with white gar
enti, tees Immortally young-,
t of the mists of the river
a- sweet hands shall reach us the dow,
i leads through the valley of shadow,
' tho hnul where our dreams como truel
. weeping, we lay down our idols,
' ml bury our loves out of sight,
jU wo know iu our hearts wo shall find
them
,' and by, in tho Mansions of Light;
! the salt tears that fall on their ashrs,
I blossom in pansy and ru 5,
'here shall bo lilies immortal,
i land where our dreams come truo!
Kmma Alice Browne.
JR. BINGLE'S OLD COAT.
"Splendid I" said Mrs. Binrle, pulling
t! collar up ana smrt down, anil sot
X tho pocket flaps, us fanner Binglo
d on the new overcoat. "Heal silk
vet collar 1"
" 1 es, and such a piece of cloth t Forty -
e aoaars tor me, whole thing."
"forty-five dollars'." echoed Sam and
a ftdminngly.
"Yes. Seventeen for tho tailorin' and
minni's, and twenty-eight for the cloth
11 do me till I'm gray."
"What j'oti going to do with the old
no, pa?" asked Jim.
"It's a good coat yet." said Mrs.
ingle. Sum'll be grown into it by two
oars more."
"First rate coat. But I vns think-
g soino of giviu' it to I'arsou Graves.
i ou seo it'll go on my account for a year,
id I won't have so much to pay on his
iary."
Irs. Bingle measured with her eye how
a oh Sam would have to grow before tit
l; well into the roomy coat, und de
led it miyht be at least three years, in
i courso of which time, added to the
en during which it had been doing
vice on (Sunday and great occasions, it
rht begin to look old-fashioned, and
i might object to wearing it, that
ig gentleman having already devel
; a taste for clothing which came
f.ably near fitting him. So it was
1 that I'arsou Graves shauld have
Id overcoat,
.ccordiniily, ou the next Saturday,
u the fanner und his wife were about
drive into the country town, he asked
, .1 the last moment:
"Now, wherc's that coat?"
."Bless mc," cried Mrs. Bingle, "I've
been so busy over that butter and eggs,
if I didn't clean forget about it 1 Sally,
Sally," she ran into the house, calling to
the hired girl who helped in the kitchen,
"run up to the spare chamber and take
that overcoat that hangs there, and
some of' them papers that lay on tho
shelf, and wrap it up well and bring it to
me."
Bally brought it, and tho huge bundle
lay in Mrs. Bingle's lap as she rode.
"It's a good coat," she observed, half
regretfully, smoothing with her hand a
corner of the cloth which peeped through
; hole in the paper, and again revolving
ii her mind tho possibility of Sam's
rowing in two years. " Sam won't be
ukely to get any ready bought coat half
as good as this."
"Like as not he won't,'' agreed the
farmer, " but never mind. ' It's more
blessed to give than to receive,' you
know."
The Bingle household awoke the next
morning with the impression that some
thing of an event was impending with
tho family, which impression became,
with full wakefulness, defined iuto tho
reuiembruuco that the new overcoat was
to be worn for the first time on that day.
There was, however, no undignified
haste or trifling iu he matter. The
morning chores were done, morning
prayers conducted with tin time-honored
ngthiuess, and then the farmer leisure-
snaved himself as usual, at one of the
-udo we of the great kitchen, before
in" in as indillereiit u voice as he
ild command :
' Jim, r;iu upstairs and get my over
i."
iu went, but delayed until his
her had put the tinibhiusr touches to
bow in her bonnet strings, a process
h was invariably interrupted by her
: uud with the remark that they would
bo late for church, before he was heard
shouting:
"I can't find it."-
"Where are you looking?"
" In the closet in your room."
"It's in the closet in tho small cham
ber," called tho father. Another long
delay, and then Jim came downstairs
without it.
" I tell you it's on one of them pegs
in our closet," said Mrs. Bingle. "I'll
go myself. It's dark, and ho can't see;
but it's there, for I put it there myself."
"No," said Mr. Bingle, calling after
her, " it's in tho spare chamber closet.
I put it there."
She was heard stepping briskly from
one room to another, then back, and
then back again. Then downstairs,
when she stood before them in silence,
on her faco black consternation, and on
her arm the old overcoat.
" When did you put it there?"
"I d'know. The day after it came, I
guess. rlhe old one always hung there,
ho I took it down and hung the new one
there."
Mrs. Bingle sank into a chair. "
" It's gone."
" (lone to Parson Graves!" The boys
stared, open-mouthed, unable first to
take in the great calamity.
" But you can get it again," at length
said Jim, hopefully."
"Of course!" said Sam. "You can
tell Parson Graves it was all a mistake,
and it wus the old coat you meant for
him, and of course he'll change back."
But tho farmer shook his head rue
fully. " No, that won't do. It's done, and
it can't be undone," he said with a groan.
Don't one of you ever let on about it's
being a mistake."
Tho family and tho old coat were late
at church, thus missing the sight of tho
entranco of the new coat, but it lay over
one arm of the sofa in the pulpit. And
Farmer Bingle nejer could recall a word
of that service through which he sat try
ing to bring himself into some friendly
recognition of the fact that he had pre
sented his minister with a forty-five dol
lar overcoat, which ho could not hope to
have count at anything near its full value
on his yearly assessment, for who ever
heard of a country parson having such a
coat?"
"Jings! Don't he look flno, though,"
ejaculated Sam, nsMr. Graves came down
the aisle.
"And don't Mrs. Graves look set up I"
said Jim.
"Enough to make any woman hang on
to a piece of cloth like that," said Mrs.
Bingle.
Mr. Binglo was unhitching his horse
as Mr. Graves came out of the church
door, and did not at first raise his eyes as
ho listened to the remarks passing
around.
"Bless me ! What a fine lookin' fellow
ovir parson is, anyhow 1 Where on earth
did lie got that coat ?"
"Must had a fortune left hini."
Mr. Binglo could not help a feeling
that tho coat had been well bestowed, as
its weuicr came to meet him with out
stretched hands and a few quinf,
though very earnest words of acknowl
edgement of his gift. The coat had
titled the farmer well, but there was
something more than the mere fill
ing out of good cloth in the minister's
dignified bearing; and in the scholarly
faco above it, something which stirred
up a feeling in many members of the con
gregation that this servant of the Lord
had not hitherto been clothed in a fashion
worthy of his high office.
"lliat s a shabby old bat to wear with
it," said one of the village storekeepers.
I'll see about thut before another Sun-
dav comes 'round."
As Mr. Bingle felt tho grasp of the
pastor's hand, he began almost to be glad
he had giveu tho coat; and then, as the
fuct of his having given it was whispered
about, to feel ashamed of receiving so
much credit for an act which he never
would have thought of performing. For
an honest, and really warm nature lay
underneath the crust of parsimonious
selfishness which had hardened over his
heart, as it has, alas! over so many which
might overflow with deeds of kindness
to bles those who have given not grudg
ingly, but their whole selves to the
master's service.
" I feel liko a liar, yes.I do!" said Mr.
Binglo to his wife, with an energy which
started her, as they rode home. "To
have that man shakin' me by tho hand,
and talkiu' about my generosity, and his
wife's eyes bcamin' up at mo, and mo not
able to right and tell 'em I'm a grudgin',
tighl-iisted old I tell you what!" he
gave his horses such a vigorous cut with
the whip that Jim aud Sam, on a back
less scat of tho bob sleigh, nearly went
over backward iuto the snow "I've irot
to get even with myself somehow, but I
don't know just how yet."
It was astonishing what a commotion
Farmer Bingle's gift created in tho
parish. Not one eye had failed to maik
tho justice done by Mr. Graves' goodlv
figure to I -j goodly garment, and with
an awakening pride at the possession of
such a fino-looki.ig pustor came a desire
to see him thoroughly well equipped.
This desire found expression at tho
parsonage as had never before been
dreumed of. Cheap goods and cast
offs were ignored iu the generous
supply of winter comforts which
each giver made sure should be iu
keeping with the new overcoat; and the
wives and mothers had seen to it that
Mrs. Graves and her children should
look fit to walk beside that tailor-made-up
piece of cloth.
Mr. Bingle had smiled with a light
in his eyes, which cuine up from some
where under that broken crust, at the
set of furs which his wife carried to
Mrs. Graves that night. But in the
early gray of the wintry morning after,
he, with Sam's help, quietly unloaded
in the back yard of the parsonage a
firkin of butter, the same of lard and
six barrels of apples, packed for
market.
"A good forty-five dollars' worth if 1
I'd carted it half a milo further," ho
said to his wife, with a face which
shone as he sat down to breakfast.
"And not a soul heard us," said Sam,
rubbing his hands in great glee.
"Wish I could see 'em when they find
it out."
"Now, I'm even," said tho farmer.
"And I'm blamed if it wasn't tho best
day's work I ever did when I gavo
away that coat by mistake." Sydney
Dayre.
Animals Before the Law.
In an article in the Atlantic MmtlJy
telling how animals were legally punished
in tho Middle Ages, the writer says: On
tho 10th of January, 1457, a sow was con
victed of murder, committed on the per
son of an infant named Jehan Martin, of
Savigny, and sentenced to bo hanged.
Her six sucklings were also included in
mc lnuicrmem as accomplices; but "in
default of any positive proof that they
h:id assisted in mangling tho deceased,
they wero restored to their owner, on
condition that he should give bail foi
thoir appearance should further evidence
bo forthcoming to prove their complicity
in their mother's crime. About a month
later, the sucklings were again brought
before the court; and as their owner,
Jehan Bailly, declined to be answerable
toe their future good condnct, they werf
declared forfeited to the noble damsel,
Katherine de Barnault, Lady of Savigny.
Sometimes a fine was imposed upon the
owner of the offending beast, as was the
case with Jehan Dclalande and his wife,
condemned on the 18th of April, 1499,
by the Abbey of Josaphat, near Chartres,
to pay eighteen francs "on account of
the murder of a child named Gillon, aged
five years and ahalf, or thereabouts, com
mit ted by a porker aged three months,
or thereabouts. " The porker was ' 'hanged
and executed by justice."
The records of mediaeval courts and
the chronicles of mediaeval cloisters are
full of examples. That such cases usually
came under tho jurisdiction of monas
teries will not seem strange, when we
remember that these religious establish
ments were great landholders, and at
one time owned nearly one-third of all
real estate in France. The frequency
with which pigs were adjudged guilty
of death was owing in great measure to
the freedom with which they were per
mitted to run about the houses as well
as to their immense number. They be
came a serious nuisance, not only as en
dangering the lives of children, but also
as generating and disseminating dis
eases; so that many cities, like Grenoble
in the sixteenth century, authorized the
carnifcx to seize and slay them whenever
found at large.
But although pigs appear to have been
tho principal culprits, other quadrupeds
were frequently called to answer for
their crimes. The'judiciary of tho Cis
tercian abbey of Bcaupre, in 149!), sent
a bull to the gallows for having "killed
with furiosity a lad of fourteen or
fifteen years of age;" and in 1389 the
Carthusians at Dijon caused a horse to
be condemned to death for homicide.
The magistrates of Bale in 1474 sentenced
a cock to bo burned at the stake for
the heinous and unnatural crime of
laying an egg. The ceuf co
quatri was supposed to be tho product of
a very old cock and to furnish the most
active and effective ingredient of witch
ointment. When hatched by a serpent
or by tho sun, it brought forth a cocka
trice, which would hide in the roof of a
house, and, with its baneful breath and
"death-dartingfceye," destroy all the in
mate?. Naturalists believed in this fable
as late us tho eighteenth century ; aud
in 1710 tho French savant, Lapeyronie.
read a paper before the Academie des
Sciences to prove that the eggs attributed
to cocks owe their peculiar form to a dis
ease of the heu.
Animals, also, bore their full part of
persecution during the witchcraft delu
sion. Pigs suffered most in this respect,
and were assumed to be pecularly attrac
tive to devils, and therefore particularly
liable to diabolical possession, as is evi
dent from the legion that went out of
the tomb haunting man and were per
mitted, at their own request, to enter
into tho Gadarene herd of swine. In
deed, tho greatest theological authority
of the Middle Ages, Thomas Aquinas,
in a int. lined that beasts are but embodi
ments of evil spirits. Chasscnee quotes
this opinion, and adds that iu excom
municating animals tho anathema "is
aimed inferentially at the devil, who
uses irrational creatures to our detri
ment." Still more recently, a French
Jesuit, Pcre Bougeant, set forth the same
view in a philosophical treatise.
Origin of "IIo's a Brick."
Plutarch, in his life of Agesilaus,
Kiug of Sparta, gives us tho origin of
tho quaint aud familiar saying. On a
certain ocasion an ambassador from Epi
rus, on a diplomatic mission, was shown
by the king over his capital. Tho am
bassador knew of the monarch's fame
knew that though only nominally kiur
of Sparta, he was ruler of Greece and
be looked to see massive walls rearing
idoft their embattled towers for the de
feiise of the town; but found nothing of
the kind. 1 Iu marveled much ut this,
und spoke of it to the king.
"Sire," he said, "I have visited most
of the principal towns, and 1 find no
walls reared for defense. Why is this?"
"Indeed, Sir Ambassador," replied
Agesilaus, "thou canst not have looked
carefully. Como with me to-moirow
morning and I will show you the walls
of Sparta."
Accordingly, on tho following morn
ing, the king led his guest out upon the
plain where his army was drawn up in
full battle array, and pointiug proudly to
the serried hosts, he said :
"There thou beholdest the walla of
Sparta 10,000 men, and every one a
brick 1"
RURAL LIFE IN ENGLAND.
AMUSEMENTS OF LASS AND LASSES
AT A COUNTRY TAIB.
Krone that are niaappcarlngr Hefore
n. Itntle) Influence A Common
I'irture Twenty Year Ago.
There is no place like a country fair
for getting a tiue insight into the char
acters of the English peasantry, says a
writer in the San Francisco Call. There
ell reserve is laid aside, and Johnny and
Molly do really enjoy themselves. A
stranger might walk a hundred miles
through the country and . never meet
with a tithe of the character he will hero
pick up. Johnny invariably carries a
stick in his hand, and, unless when talk
ing, eating or drinking, you find the
knot thrust into his mouth. He wears
high ankle boots, laced very tight, and
twines the lace three or four times around
the ankle before he fastens it. Ho has
on worsted hose, either blue or gray, and
prefers having them ribbed. His breeches
are either velveteen, corduroy, or velvet
with pearl buttons on the knees, and a
large Dunch of drab ribbon, the ends of
which he likes to see hang a good way
down. If these are new, he generally
tucks up his smock-frock to show them.
His waistcoat is either plush or a light
kind of fustian, stamped all over with
spots, rings, squares or diamonds. If he
can get a pattern with half a dozen colors
in it he likes it all the better, for if it is
largo and staring ho knows Betty will
consider it very neat. His neckerchief
is generally either red or yellow; he likes
the ends to hang out a good way, and to
feel tho real India blowing about the face.
He rubs up tho down on his hat the
wrong way to show how thick it is of
"beaver," for ho loves to see everything
he wears stick out and be conspicuous.
Molly has generally a pair of pattens
in one hand and a cotton umbrella in
the other, it matters not how fair or
how fine it may be. She bought them
a May-day or two before, and she argues
that it's no use having such things un
less she brings them out. If sho has a
sweetheart he generally carries the pat
tens, a d they are the cause of a little at
tention on both sides, for sho says :
"Jiet me carrion 'cm a bit, John, to
wrcsten thy fistas."
He answers, "Noah, Molly, thankeen
thee; I wool howd 'em mesen."
Her gown is the grandest she can pur
chase. The pattern is either a great un
natural flower, or a trailing seaweed
bordered with shells. Sho likes a red
Bhawl because it can be seen a long way
loll. As soon us they get into the fair,
John either buys a pound of ginger
bread, or of nuts, which he ties up in''
his handkerchief, leaving, however, one
corner open into which they can insert
their hands. They crack and munch
away while there is one left. Some
times she says they are "mixed," and he
6ays "Hey?" They then saunter around
and have a look at the shows and
booths. He buys a knife with three or
four blades, which is only fit to cut
butter. Molly purchases a few yards of
red or blue ribbon. They then pay a
penny each, and have a look into a peep
show; when it is over Johnny wonders
however they can get such long streets
and big houses into such a small place,
and Molly answers that "it's all magic."
They next try their fortune in a penny
lucky bag, which they are assured con
tains "all prizes and no blanks," Johnny
gets a cotton stay lace and Molly a row
of pins. They purchase a song of a bal
lad singer, which is "all about love and
suchlike." They then get into a swing
boat, and are tossed up and down until
they begin to feel very queer indeed,
for they have eaten all the pastry they
could fancy, to say nothing of apples,
nuts, oranges, pears, plums, and ginger
bread. So they adjourn to the public house
" to rest aud settle down a bit." John
meets a few acquaintances and tries to
smoke a pipe; this with a few glasses of
ale sets his tongue a-goini;. There is
generally a recruiting party in the room,
and as the ale gets iuto his noddle he
talks about 'listing, at wluch Molly pulls
his sleeve and 6ays: "Duunabea fool,
Johnny." llo then tries a song, and to
make the tune aud metre harmonize lays
his accent iu very peculiar places.
He offers to thrash, plow, reap, or mow
with "any man i' the room for a gowden
guinea, und to put tho money down."
lie gets his comrade, who is drinking
with him, to feel his arm, and sometimes
bares it to show tho strength of his mus
cles. He tells how he onco lifted a sack
of corn into tho wagen without ever let
ting it rest upon him. only touching it
with his hands, lie would quarrel were
it not for Molly getting up and popping
her pattens between her lover aud his
opponent. Johnny gets mellow, is ready
for anything, and will go out. Mollie
has picked up a female companion w hose
sweetheart is as far gone as her own, and
they follow arm-in-arm to see that noth
ing happens to their lovers.
Now John is either ready to climb the
greased polo for a new hat, ride a donkey
race, wheel a barrow blindfolded, jump
in a sack, or, us he says, "Any manner of
thin"." There is soon seen a lot of sacks
full of men, with only a head peeping
I out, and Johnny's about tho most stupid
ol tue wnoie lor, lor lie muKesupuic one
of half u dozen who begin with jumping
in sacks. Ho gets iu w ith great difficul
ty, has his arm thrust down, is tied up
about the shoulders, and when the word
"Oil" is given, he is about the first that
falls. Molly can hardly unloose him for
laughing, "lictter luck next time," says
Johnny, and he enters tho chase for the
pig with its soaped tail, rubbing his hand
well in the sand to make it rough before
he starts. The pig is turued loose, aud
after him they start. Johnny is begin
ning to get a little sober by this time,
and is, moreover, a capital runner. He
siu7.es tho pig by the tail, and it pulls him
headlong iuto a ditch, while th grunter
escapes and "saves his bacon." Nor do
we ever remember seeing a pig fairly
caught in this manner, for the law is,
that it must only bo captured by laying
hold of tho tail. Molly has now a job to
rub the mud off Johnny, which she does
by pulling up large handfuls of grass.
While she is cleaning him, he stands very
still and looks very sheepish.
The hat still stands very high on the
pole, ornamented with blue ribbons. Tho
pole itself is rubbed with soft soap and
grease from top to bottom. Those who
ave attempted to climb are as greasy as
butchers. In vain do they try to. reach
it, sand and saw-dust are useless; even
the miller's attempt, upon one occasion
they called to mind, was a failure, al
though he went up with his pockets filled
with flour, and rubbed the pole .with it
every inch he gained. At length a sweep
came, with his soot-bag twisted around
aim. lhey shook the pole, but still ho
continued to ascend, and all the shaking
was in vain, for whenever you looked up
you saw him looking down, showing his
white eyes and white teeth. He trusted
to his soot, feet atd hands, together with
his long experience in difficult chimneys,
and brought down tho prize.
But the wheelbarrow race, blindfoldod,
at this particular fair was tho best of all,
fr no one could see the mark be was run
ning at. Some called "left." some
"right," and as each competitor had only
the voices of the bystanders to guide him,
away he went at full speed, obeying their
directions as well as he could. Somo
foundered in a neighboring pond, others
in an opposite ditch. Johnny, was the
most fortunate of the lot, for he trusted
to the clanking of Mollie's patten rings
(a device of her own before agreed upon),
and won the new smock frock, with all
its garniture of sky-blue ribbons, the per
quisite of his beloved Molly for this
stroke of policy was her own.
Nor was the donkey race the least
amusing part of tho country fair; al
though we had bet ten to one on tho fa
vorite, there were the same odds against
his moving at all for it was ten to one
if he would ever start; if he did we well
knew that he could "win in a canter" aa
they say.
Thus I have given you a true picture
of an English lair of fifteen or twenty
years ago ; and rare fun it was too for us
town youngsters to watch Johnny and
Molly at their enjoyment. But gradually
the "dude" influence of tho city is ex
tending to the rural districts, and now
one has to look a long way before finding
such a picture as I have endeavored faith
fully to give.
Narrow Escape of Booth's Brother.
"One of the most exciting mobs I evet
spw in my life was the one which at
tempted to hang Junius Brutus Booth at
Cincinnati the morning after Lincoln's
assassination."
Emile Buelier was the speaker. He
made the remark in conversation with
some friends last evening.
"I was then a clerk at tho Burnet
house," he continued. "I had gone there
with Captain Silas Miller, who had pur
chased it just prior to that time. Junius
Booth was billed to play there, and ar
rived at the hotel on the evening when
his brother shot Lincoln.
"He came down stairs tho next morn
ing, and after breakfast was on the point
of going out to take a stroll. I had just
heard a few minutes before that tho
people were in a tumult, and had torn
down his bills all over the city. Ho
came up to the desk, and as he did so I
informed him that I thought it would bo
best for him not to go out in the streets.
He looked at mo iu astonishment, and
asked what I meant. "Havii't you heard
the news?" said I. He replied that he
had not. I didn't like to say any more,
and he walked off, looking greatly puz
zled. Going to a friend, who was stand
ing near, he asked in rather an excited
manner what that young man meant by
talking that way, and wanted to know if
I wasn't crazy. The man told him no,
that I was the clerk. More mystified than
ever he returned and demanded my rea
son for the remark. I saw then that he
was in ignorance of the tragedy, and re
luctantly informed him that his brother
had killed the President. He was tho
most horrified man that I ever saw, and
for tho moment ho was overcome with
the shock. 1 suggested to him that it
would be better to go to his room, and he
did so, being accompanied by one or two
of his friends.
"lie had scarcely gone up-ntairs be
fore the room wus filled with people.
The mob was fully .100 in number, and
wanted to find Booth. They were per
fectly furious, and.it was with the
greatest difficulty that we checked them
by the story that their intended victim
had left tho house. They would have
hung him in a minute if they could have
laid hands on him, so great was theii
rage. They returned almost immediate
ly, but by this time we had removed
Booth from his room to that of a friend.
The mob watched the house so closely
that it was four or five days before he
had a chance to leave. We finally
smuggled him away, however.
"I've seen four or five different ac
counts of that circumstance, but none ol
them were correct. Tho story that he
was disguised as a woman to cITcct Inn
escape is all wrong, llo left in his or
dinary clothing. J.uuisrilU Cuiirier
Journal. 'Benefits Forgot."
Old gentleman (ho had been chased
across tho field by tho infuriated animal,
and had only just scrambled over the
gate in time gasping for breath) "You
in fernal un grateful beast! Au' mc
'been veg'tariau all m'life!" London
Punch.
Although Frenchmen are spoken of as
"frog-eaters," it is asserted as a fact that
more frogs are now eaten in New York
alone than in all of France.
I MIGHT HAVE DONB.
JS there a sadder word than this,
' I might havo doner"
I might have filled life's cup with bliss,
At least for one I
" I might have donel" So simple joy
Love's word or wile
Rolis life of half its sad alloy,
Makes life a smile.
"I might have donel" While young life
strewed
Her prescient Feeds,
Each foldl germ, with life endued,
To bloom in deeds.
Oh love-fraught Hours, sail mutely on;
Die, ono by ono;
'Tis life to sigh, when all are gone:
" I might have done!"
Mary Clemmcr.
IILMOIt OF THE DAY.
The inner man A convict in jail.
A country seat The milking stool.
The moon is a sort of matrimonial
overseer. She is mistress of the tied.
Scitisors.
It is said that quiet eyes denote self
command. Come to think of it, so does
a quiet mouth.
Strawberries used to grow on trees.
That is probably the reason they come so '
high in winter. (Jraphic.
A man sometimes loses his voice from
excessive smoking, but locomotives are
never troubled in that wy. Boston Bul
letin. A new song is called: "Wilt thou, oh,
"Wilt thou?" It is supposed to be dedi
cated to a collar and pair of culls. Bos'
ton Post,
"I preserve my strength by husband
ing it," said a wife, as she ordered her
other half to bring in a bucket of coal.
Merchant- Traveler.
"Do cats reason?" asks a Rhode Island
preacher. If ho had ever slept in a
house where cats could get under the
floor he would have heard them reason
ing. Courier-Journal. !
An old lady, having several marriage
able daughters, fed them exclusively on
a fish diet, because it is rich in phosphor
ous, and phosphorous is the essential
thing in making matches.
A poet sings, " How can I meet mj .
darling?" Well, if you Know the old
gentleman has gone out you can go
boldly up to the front door, ring the bell
and ask for her. Boston Pout.
A learned anatomist has declared that,
owing to the peculiar construction o)
the female form, a woman cannot jump.
Perhaps he never saw an old maid jump,
at an offer. Saturday Night.
Bland "How did your son pass hii
college examination? I suppose he
passed without conditions?" Blunt
"Yes; that is to say, they said the
would take him under no conditions."
Boston Traimcrijit.
Young men, it isn't always the girl who
looks loveliest in the soft, sweet shadowi
of the darkening twilight, who takei
that beauty with her in tho griin, gray
morning as sho wrestles with a kitchen
stove. Merchant- Traveler.
When a young man lays siege to
young lady and insists upon her con
senting to becoming his wife, she catmol
but confess that he is "a man after
her own heart," however heartless she
may appear. Chicago Sun.
A writer on health advises people to
"live in the sun." Owing to the present
inadequate facilities for transportation
und the high price of real estate on that
luminary, we should not advise any of
our readers to emigrate there this season.
Burlington Free J'rriH. ,
How doth the busy orator
Improve each shining hour,
And win applause with all his strengtl
Of seventeeu-lung power.
He wanders on from jxiiut t ) point,
His mouth he stretches wide,
While from his throat the gilt-edged words
Huruphicully glide.
Wanhinyton Hatchet.
Visitor (just arrived from town)
"Now, my good man, tell us tho truth.
Have you got an epidemic among th
mackeral on this coast?" Ancient mar
iner "Lor', sir, I couldn't tell owt bul
the trueth ef 1 tried hover so hard,
Seen any heppideniics among our mack
erel? Why, 1 got one in our net last
week as weighed nigh on twelve
pounds. Just you un' your good lad)
let me take yer for a sail, I'll show you
heaps of heppideniics." London Fun.
A pretty Boston school ma'am an 1 a youth ol
mein srJaU)
Were part in:; in the evening beside the gar
den gate;
His hand and heart he'd offered, in a grave
and sober way,
And she, with quiet dignity, had named the
happy day,
He lingered ut the gata with her, and said, iu
accents low:
"There is a lit tle favor I would ask before 1
go
A favor never aske I liefore; sweet maiden, it
is this:
A lover's privilege, that is all a sweet be
trotliaFkiss."
'If you wait," iho maiden w hisH-ml, with
her color rising hili,
"Till I remove my sKiaeles, I'll willingly
comply." Somcrciltc .luiirnul.
A Successful Charm.
A young woman who thonght he was
losmr her husband's affection went to a
seventh daughter of a seventh daughtoi
for a love powder. The mystery woman
told her: "(Jet a raw picco of beef, cut
fiat, about an inch thick. Mice au onioa
in two, and rub the meal on both feidce
with it. Put on pepper und salt, and
toast it on each s .le over a red coal tire.
Drop on it three lumps of butter add two
sprigs of parsley, ami get him to eat it."
Tho young wife did so, und her husband
loved her ever ufter.
It is estimated thut over 500,000,000
quarts of edibles ure caune I iu this coun
try annually.