THE FOREST REPUBLICAN It published every We Inetrtay, bj J. E. WENK. Offlctin Smearbaugh & Co.s Building KLM BTHEir, TIONESTA, l'A. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Square, ono inch, one Insertion tl One Square, one Inch, one month t 00 One Square, one inch, throe months 6 00 One Square, ono Inch, one year 1I " Two Squares, one year 19 M Quarter Column, one year " Half Column, ono year. One Colnmnjone yeiir 100 W Legal notice at established rates. Marriage and death notices (rratls. All bills for yearly advertisements collected quar terly. Temporary advertisements must be paid In advance. Job work cash on delivery. Terms, - f 1.00 per Year, No nbcrlitloni received for a shortor pcriii tlmn throe months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of the country. No notice will be taken of anonymous communications. VOL. TO HO. 17. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13. 1884. $1.50 PER ANNUM. A A TRior" WISDOM. Row fade and loving primes; Knowledge only hides away; Downrnst eyes of witeliing lnsxcM Steal thy poaco of mind away. LOVK. Minds forgot and bonks prow musty; Love alone takes euro awny ; Uoarta aro young when brains are runty, Love I will whllo love I may. MCATn. Foolish world with foolish guesses, Books aro idle, lovo is clay; Yet to still the doubt that presses, Guess on, guess on, till my day. THE CLERK'S TALE. It was a suffocating evening early in .August, and I left my work at tlio For eign ollicc to plod homctodinnerlhrough the dusty ai ks in tlic worst spirits. The wrongs of a junior clerk whose long prom ised holiday had just been snatched away from him on the cvo of fulfillment were boiling in me. f felt that they cried out for justice in a freo country. Everything was prepared for this month's "leave, which was to have begun next day. My father hnd taken a house on ono of the most attractive slopes above Grasmere, and tho family residence in Lancaster Gate already bore that denuded and for lorn appearance which precedes a gener al domestic flight. Wc hud breakfasted payly, picnic fashion, with old and inad equate implements, we had piophcsied, with unabated cheerfulness, dining with still fewer of the appliances of civiliza tion, tho family plate being not lest but gone bef ire to Grasmere. Tho house was in as uncomfortable a state ns much pack ing and puttiiicr away could make it, for my people intended to spend between two and three months at Emerald Hank. Here was 1, with my wings out spread for flight, caught back and doomed to remain in solitude, with dis mantled rooms and furniture lurking un der dust sheets for company, and all be cause an unstable senior clerk suddenly declared that his health demanded: in stant change of air, instead of waiting to tako his holiday later on, as ho had in tended. Tho talo of woe is uot com plete, for Olga Fielding, to whom I had " been but threo weeks betrothed, was H coming with us to Grasmere, and wehnd ' promised ourselves a month of unalloyed bliss among the Westmoreland hills "be fore she was obliged to go back to her filial duties in Copenhagen. There, ns her mother was dead, she had to preside over all matters, social and domestic, in her father's extensive establishment. Great heavens! what an ill-arranged planet is this, and w hat a disorganized constitution was that miserable T.'s to choose such a moment to be out of repair! In tho first week of September Olgu would have to follow lwr fntlmr u-lw a had r ;turned to Copenhagen, and we should meet no more till after Christmas. Was it not enough to make a worm blaspheme? and the bang 1 gave tho hall door on entering covered a vigorous ex pression of feeling. Well, tho news was broken to a dis mayed and sympathetic circle. Olga, who had hitherto professed to consider me as likely to prove a very small addi tion to the natural ieatures of the lake scenery, was quite overcome; there was some small balm in that. My mother was ery unhappy. Even Barbara, tho young est of the family, and strong in the scorn of seventeen for matters of sentiment, forcboro to jibe, and gave utterance to violent exclamations of regret, coupled with equally violent abuse of vague per sons unknown. My father, after the first natural shock of disgust, endeavored to console me with unpalatable philosophy and the cool light 9f reason, remedies which always seem an insult offered to affliction, when applied to one's own case. "It's hard ou you, Harry, my boy, no doubt, and I'm sorry for it," he said, in that sobering tone which strikes a chill through the greatest moments of excitement, and makes all previous emotion appear nn noyingly ridiculous; "but now you have entered on tho serious duties of "life, you can't learn too soon that work and not play is tho object of a man's life. I'm not at all sure that" "Ah I how horri ble," broke in tho soft voice of my be trothed, with the pretty, careful intona tion and long-drawn ripple of the r which she had inherited from her Danish mother. "Dear Mr. Richardson, do not let us be reasonable to-night. No, that poor boy is very badly treated, and it is all fr-r-rightful!"' And my lady, unclasp ing her eloquent hands, approached the iron gray parent for whom our airection had always been largely tempered with respect, and flinging ono arm tightly round liis neck, laid her pretty head with its crown of bronze ripples confid ingly on his robust black-cloth shoulder. My father no doubt experienced a slight shock; ho was unaccustomed to such audacious treatment from the young. But he liked it, he certainly liked it; and Elanting a firm parental salute on tho rcezy coils he left us to pour out our mutual woe at leisure. That night I found it impossible to sleep. The atmosphere was no close and oppressive there seemed to be uo air to breathe, and a dull feeling of undefined apprehension haunted me persistently through long hours of wakefulness and miserable brief dozes, refusing to bo charmed away by the voice of reason. Haggard, unrefreshed,and still conscious of the same vague foreboding clawing at my heart, I left that bed" of suffering ut an unwonted hour in tho morning and de scended lo the library, now a desert of bare boards, dotted about with precipi tous islands under dusty cloths. Here a pipe, that unfailing comforter of de jected manhood.restored some balance to my disordered mind, but I still felt very depressed, and was preparing to go forth and seek an early swim, when the door opened, and to my amazement Olga glided into tho room, pule and droopinir, with dark lines under her brown eyes. After mutual exclamations and greetings I demnnded tho reason of her wan and dejected appearance. Sho did not an swer at first, but turned her face away nnd tormented the braid on her traveling dress in Eilence. "Well, if you wifl know, dear friends," she said at last with a charming gesture of resignation, "I think your old foreign office has be witched me. No, it is not that unhappy T., who has the evil eye, for I have a feeling as if Rome danger was hanging over you, and I could not sleep all night for it. Oh, Harry I" continued the im petuous damsel, suddenly throwing aside the dignity with which sho was wont to treat me, now that tho worst was out, "como away with us to-day. Nevermind a thousand governments and clerkships! I will not go without you. Something dreadful will happen; you feel it too. You look lit for tho hangman yourself." It took mo a long whilo to restore Olga to calmness. I laughed at her prognostica tions and was careful to betray no simi lar feelings on my own part. Sho was more or less convinced at last of the utter ruin it would bo to my future prospects to desort my post, nnd wo were reasonably resigned if not cheered by breakfast time. Well, I saw them all off from Euston station, and trailed away, a hapless vic tim, to my dreary tank in tho exalted gloom of Whitehall. That day seemed interminable, yet there was nothing to look forward to at tho end of it. and still with tho previous night's weight ou my spirits, I started on my way buck to tho howling w ilderness inLancaster Gate. Near Hyde Park corner, where very few carriages remained to make hay of mo oust, l was startled Irom melancholy retlection by a arrcat bunar on tho back. Turningsharply round. 1 confronted that athletic giant, Jack Oliver, who had been at the same college as myself, and whom I had not met sinco we took our respec tive degrees at Oxford three years before At Oriel I had been wont to write Jack down as an ass, becauso his invariably boisterous spirits and perpetual athletics wero at times a perfect nusiance. but in my present forlorn condition his jolly face and infectious laugh were a real God send. Wo dined at tho club toe-ether, and afterward went to tho theatre, then smoked a pipe or two in company at unvers lodgings, so that it was toward 1 o'clock when I left him to return to Lancaster Gate. Walking along under ino pane railings, the trees made occa sional ghostly rustlings overhead; the air was very sun and heavy, in expecta tion of a traveling thunder storm. Vho tull shut-up houses facing tho park looked as forbidding as so many mauso leums in tho moonlight, and only the footsteps of a stray wayfarer here and there, or tho welcomo rattle of an occa sional hansom, broko tho stransre still ness. All the uncomfortablo feeling of the past twenty-four hours, temporarily thrust back by Oliver's cheerful company, returned with overwhelming force. In dignant at being so befooled by what I declared to myself must bo a dispeptic imagination (though my acquaintance with dyspepsia was happily of the slightest), I argued fiercely with my own folly; but all in vain, that inde scribable dead weight of apprehension still crushed my spirits. The senseless sense of unseen danger grew stronger at every yard. I was ready to roar for very disquietude of spirit. "Coufoundit all," I almost shouted, "this is beyond a 'joke ! Vhat an abject piece of imbecility for a man who has always flattered himself on having too much reason to fall a prey to any superstitious delusions whatever! I must bo ill; if things go on like this to morrow I shall give in and io to old Burrows (tho family yEsuulupius) to be put together again." Meanwhilo every step forward ap peared to grow more and more dirlicult. A sudden sound of footsteps close be hind most unaccouutubly paraylyzed my powers of locomotion, and filled me with a horrib!3 dread. This was monstrous; w ith a kind of groan of disgust and mis ery over my own decrepitude, 1 resolutely turned around and waited till the steps reached me. Merciful heaven ! What was this that came up, brushed past me, nnd went on? My brnin reeled, a cold perspiration broko out on my forehead, for frantic as it may sound, it was myself that I saw go by. My exact imago and counterpart came toward mo, looked mo full in tho face with cold, indifferent eyes, differing from mine only in their expression at the moment, und passed on. brushing me with the sleeve of a flight overcoat exactly like tho one I wore. I noticed with despairing recognition on tho creature's left hand, which was raised, holding the unbuttoned flap of his coat in frout of him (a favorito trick of mine), the very ring Olga had given me a week ago, anil which was also on my linger at that mo ment. For ono long minute I stood stupefied with horror; the next I darted forward after that terribly familiar form, which crossed the street and went on toward our door. I felt suro that I must be mad, or in the clutches of some hidden tHght mare. Oh! for some power to shake it otf and awake. But no! the area rail ings had a firm and chilly reality when I touched them. My footsteps and those of others sounded all too solidly on the deserted pavement. I even caught my self deliriously smiling ut a peculiar trick of walking in tho thing in frout, with which Barbara had often taunted me. It wus an extraordinary opnortunity of see ing oneself as others see one, but what mortal could have availed himself of it under such circumstances? I staggered on behind him, unable to dimiuibh the twenty yards or so that Rennrnfed na 'Wmibl hrt oton nf Qnl? ' The suspense was almost intolerable. Ho disappeared through tho door, though the only surviving family latch-key was in my pocket. When I reached the door it was shut, nnd boro no signs of r.ny unusual treatment. I could not go in. I could not follow into tho house and run tho risk of meeting him on the dark stairs. A horror unspcakablo had taken possession of my senses. I turned and fled, nnd spent uncounted hours in walk ing about tho silent streets and squares, unconscious of tho lapse of time. The early sunshine aroused and cheered my scattered wits. Gradually the sounds of common lifa awakening brought back my reasoning faculties. The discordant cry of that bird of dawn, the early sweep, was as music in my cars and seemed to make the dreadful night fade into re moteness and unreality. I made my way back to Lancaster Gate, footsore nnd exhausted. The milkman wnf driving merrily up and down; when I reached our doorsteps, it seemed a year sinco I had last asccuded them. I rushed up to my room; it was, of course, empty, tho bed untouched. But on the pillow and turned-down sheet, exactly whore my head and shoulders would havo been in the natural course of things, lay tho ruins of a largo bust, tho Hermes, which had been wont to stand on a bracket over tho head of the bed. This bracket my moth er had frequently entreated me to replace by a firmer support ; it had given away at last under tho ponderous weight of the bust, which, strikinp; njrainst the iron rail of the bed, had broken into tho two or ! threo murderous portions that reposed on tho pillow and sheet, tho bracket only having chosen to glance oil on the floor. Had I been there Hermes must certainly have crushed my skull. Thrilled with fresh emotion, but too exhausted then to meditate long over the event, I went slowly down to the dining room and fell asleep on the sofa. The old charwoman, who appeared later with my breakfast, told me she had been startled by hearing a loud crash in the night soon after the clock had struck, but having been only half awake at tho time.sho concluded that it was the thun der of my boots bein thrown out to await the morning's cleaning. Sho was now, however, much excited about it. nnd disposed to revel in a tragedy. I told her that I found the statue fallen on my bed, nnd that, as it took three men to move it in a general way, I had been obliged to content myself with the sofa. The brief and matter-of-fact tone of my explanations quite failed to quell her exclamations of wonder and amaze, ment, and she was not to be debarred from the pleasure of gloating over all tho details of the tragedy which had been averted. Since that night all has gone well with us. My blessed chief at the foreign office found means to let me go in a day or two, and our time at Grasmere was all we had expected it to be. After Christ mas, to our great joy, Mr. Fielding gave up his house at Copenhagen and came to London. Olga and I were married tho following summer, and we have never again been disturbed by presentments, apparitious or any other subjects worthy to exercise tho industry of society for physical research. Lonj mail's Mayazine. Antiquity of the Lightning; Rod. Attention has recently been called to the use of iron as a metal for lightning rods, says an English paper. In this country, where the subject has been left in the hands of the manufacturers, lightning-rods arc made of pure copper, and consequently are far too expensive for general use. In France, America and other countries Iron rods aro in vogue, and found to answer tho purpose very well, beside being inexpensive. In Canada a church was recently protected by a round iron rod three-quarters of au inch in diameter, and welded at each joint. The upper end of tho rod was drawn to a point, and a damp ground connection provided for tho lower end. The rod was secured to tho church by galvanized iron staples. The total cost was under three pounds. While upon this subject we may mention that Frank lin was propably anticipated in his dis covery of lightning conduction. Ac cording to M. do -Rochas, the ancient Etruscans understood tho art of guiding tho lightning. Servitis relates that iu ancient times tho priests ignited their sacrifices by lightning, and on ono oc casion Tullus Hostilius was struck dead because he neglected the precautions laid down by Numa. Menageries. The popularity of menageries has al ways been great, yet, although there are now menaireries at thn KnHt-fmd ihev were formerly the luxury of princes. In nussia, ior instance, lou years ago, the ; grand menageries at St. Petersburg were kept solely lor the court. Many of the ' animals wero caught alive to be used at i the hunting festivities of the imperial court. The Empress Anna Ivanovna was : passionately fond of hunting; she kept j oiu uuunus, ana was a capital stiot. On one occasion (August 20, 1740), she killed one wolf, four wild boars, nine stags, six teen turkeys, 37-t rabbits, sixty-eight ducks, and several large herons a mag nificent bug even for an empress. The numerous elephants iu her menagerie were expensive nets, for thev worn f.:.l rn , -- I J . w.. sugar, butter, wheatcn flour, wine, and bun. yjne oi mem required a large daily portion of brand v. ami the - ' vu"- " seut to Siberia if a single gill wus ab stracted from tho elephant s portiou PaU Mall Gazette. "No loafers allowed here except police," is the legend conspicuously posted posted police iu uie council iiiuiia (Iowa) station. A niece Of Steel is u rrrwirl dflll like a I man:, lu-.vo;i get it red hot it loesits j FASHION NOTES. Scarlet bonnets are fashionable. Wido sash ribbon is in demand. Foulards were never more popular. Steel-beaded laco fronts are very showy. Bluo and red combinations are seen everywhere. Some long silk gloves are puffed from the wrist up. I'laid ginghams come with embroid ered flounces. Two kinds of straw mixed in the same hat is very ugly. Dressing sacques are very elaborately trimmed with laco. ' Small blush roses are embroidered all over a pale blue chambery. Yokes are immensely fashionable both for young ladies and little girls. White poke bonnets and parasols are painted to match tho dress panels. Old-fashioned plaited shirt fronts are once again becoming tho wrinkle. Long Chantilly laco scarfs are fash ioned into mantles, to be worn with black dresses. Fedora front rcdingotes and garments for little girls are as popular as for grown up women. Lace ruffles should trim light summer silks, foulards, all India silken stuffs, and surahs. High buttoned boots in French or Dongola kid are tho correct day wear for littlo women. Little girls carry parasols ornamented with one or more Kate Greenaway figures on the gores. Pongees como with very elaborately embroidered fronts or panels in dark and bright colors. Ladies' high walking shoes have the uppers in red and the vamps in black al ligator skin. . All white goods are being sold at great ly reduced prices, and offer bargains to housekeepers. Ribbon beds on lawns are usually cir cular and formed of concentric circles of foliage plants. Tucks are alternated with lace or em broidered flounces, and continued up to the waist or skirt. Wreaths of grasses dotted over with all sorts of gay insects are worn on country hats by Parisians. White Chinese silk dresses, embroid ered in gray and blue, are pretty, but un assuming for evening wear. Real duchesso or point lace is made over transparent frames is the popular wedding or reception bonnet. Manilla is the latest color in vogue. It is a shade lighter than ecru, and is tastefully mixed with all other colors. Straw sailor hats with largo, round crowns drawn in ribbon bands tho size of the head, are fashionable for little boys. Many of the new white dresses for misses are made with the new shirred waist, known as the "Josephine Waist." The jacket or casaque opening over the waistcoat or gathered or plaited plastron is a decided feature in ear cummer suits. A large blue rough-and-ready straw hat has poppy-red crape bunched around the crown, with a number of wings in front of the same color. Flat scarfs, like those worn by gentle men, are patronized this season by ladies who wear them with tailor-made suits, which are open at the throat. The largest number of wash goods dresses made up in one particular style are those in the form of what are incor rectly called Mother Hubbards. Wide leather collars ond cuffs with tho edges studded with steel are intended to be worn on the coats of small boys, who have belts and pouches to match. Some jerseys cost a hundred dollars, but they are masses of beads and em broidery with laco stripes, and are not any prettier after all than some that cost only a few dollars. The momentous question of the femi nine American mind at present is not whether to vote or not to vote on the coming presidential election, but how to keep the bustle in place. Tho fancy of wearing a velvet basque with a while or light goods skirt is not so comf' Me for the headed term as that of t) muslin or lace spencer with a col ored or black silk or wool skirt. Very wide sashes are again in vogue. They pass around the waist and are tied in a big bow in the back. They are specially pretty with full tucked Bkirts and full waists with or without yokes. Big gilt darning-needles and big gilt headed pins are the latest fancies in bon net and hat decoration. Two aro thrust diagonally through ouo side of the crown and at right angles, forming a sort of cross. The Circassian jacket, quite short at the waist, square cut in front, opening over a Russian waistcoat and belt, and worn with a full trimmed or untriuimed skirt, comes to us among other Parisian novelties. Pelerines are made of the same material as the dress. They are cut high, though not exaggerated, on the shoulders. Many have long panels down tho front, shirred at the ends and finished off with ribbons and tassels. Only nine sovereigns of England have lived longer than Ojueeu Victoria, who is now sixty-five, and only three Henry HI., Edward HI. and George HI. havo reigued longer than she. Victoria's reign has extended over forty-seven years. Three European monarchs are older than she is the emperor of Germany, who is eighty-seven; the king of the Nether lands, who is sixty-seven, and the king of Denmark, who is sixty-six. HIE SOLDIER'S FUNERAL. CHE PATHETIC STORY OF A PRI VATE'S BURIA.Ii. 4urrMinnrl by ronirnHes, Far Away From Home, lie Itlcs anil In Iaid Away Forever. Some of tho boys will remember the day we buried Billy Taylor, private, C sompany, Forty-seventh Illinois infantry. remember, because it was the first time ever marched in n military funeral, and t was only a boy; I hadn't seen my nine teenth year then, and I wasn't much taller than the musket I carried. Billy wasn't killed in battle. He had passed through a dozen fights; every time the Forty-seventh went in he was close by tho colors, and shot or bullet never touched him, but the gods of war de manded more lives than the rifle and cannon could pile upon his reeking altars, and so death,- wearying may be? of the red carnage of the "field, often came to our tents to select a victim for the sacri fice. So Billy was excused from duty one day, and sat about in thn tent, and tried to shake oft tho sickness that como creeping over him, and had time to write part of a letter, and then he planned what he would do to-morrow. And the next day he was excused again, and itayed in his bunk, but it was hard, and he could feel the knots in the board under the blanket, and it made him restless, and he thought if he didn't feol better to-morrow but he knew he would he would go to tho regimental hospital. And the next day he was better; so much better that ho was pronounced well, and his name was stricken from the sick-list. It was also stricken from tho company roll and ho was marked off duty forever. Six men were detailed for pall bearers, a corporal and eight men for escort, and following marched the men and officers of the com pany, in the inverse order of their rank. Somehow, the sunshine seemed dim and misty as the muffled drums spoke mournfully, and our slow steps seemed to bo marked off by heart-breaking sobs in a distant home away up in the far away Northland. The wailing fifes breathed the pathetic strains of " The Land o' the Leal " until the air seemed filled with tears: There's nae sorrow there, Jean; There's neither cauld nor care, Jean, The day is ever fair In the land o' leal. We could hear the sweet voices of women, tremulous, grief-stricken, in the mourning fifes. AVomen ? Since he kissed mother, sister and sweetheart good-by in the Prairie State ho had not heard a woman's voice syllable his name. His last dying looks were bent upon bronzed, bearded faces; and the kind hands that dressed him for tho funeral march wero hard, calloused with toil and war and scented only with the cartridges they had last handled. The voice of a woman would have sounded to him like tho blessing of God. To die, so far away from home; to die and know that at that moment, ignorant of his passing, the dearest of earth were joyous, sing ing, laughing, may be; to dio and know that the days would creep on into weeks, and the weeks drag on into months before they whose names were quivering on his loving, praying lips, would know it; to die and know they would be still writing letters to him when his eyes would be closed and the heart that longed and loved would be stilled forever. It is a sad, sad thing to bury a soldier. But sorrow's sel' wears past, Jean, And joy's a comin' fast, Jean, The joy that's aye to last, Jean, In the land o' the leal. And they what would be the measure of their sorrow in the stricken home. His dying kiss, his last goodby, the lov ing look in the closing eyes, tiio peace that death would print upon his face they would never see it, they would never hear it, they would never know it. What wonder our soldiers' hearts were heavy as the burden on tho bier, and our tears were faster than our measured steps ! And the mournful drums, iu their sad monotone, pattering like tears upon a coffin lid, sobbed on like the murmur ous rushing of a troublod stream, hush ing tho shrill grief of tho complaining fifes, softening their cries into tho plain tivo moaning of a sorrow that has wept its violence away, and mourns with the whispers of tho plaintive niuht wind : ''Halt!" and how softly tho corporal voiced his orders. "Rest on arms!" Tho chaplain i rending something from the only book man read at that time: "I am the Resurrection and tho Life; he that believe! h in Me, though ho were dead, yet shall ho live. And whosoever believth in Me shall never dio." With broken voice ho prays above the dey and our hearts echo his prayer, as t )in to lie in tho rude coilin with ,ut comrade. "Attention! Shoulder arms! Load at will fire!" How tho ringing volleys over the grave, making a thousand discordant echoes in tho woods about r break in abruptly and harshly upon , . Iff. "By platoon, right whey -march! Column, forward, guido left, quick march;" Cheerily the fifes sang out tho dancing measures of "Gerry Owen," merrily rat tle tho close-strung, spirited and inspir ing drums, with pieces at a "right shoulder" t:aily back to the camp we marched. What! we have followed the dead sol dier and stood in tears by his lonely grave wo have been away from camp nearly two hours and the world hasn't slipped a cog; it hasn't missed a single heartbeat; it ha-n't -stood still a second. The second relief h.d just gono ou when we went out, and there goes tho third marching out now. What aro the drums for? Full in for Cress parade. Burdette. LAST JULY. She's barely twenty, and her eyes Are very soft and very blue; Her litis g'em made for sweet replies Perhaps they're made for kisses, too; Her little teeth are white as pearl, Her nos3 aspires to the sky. She really is a charming girl, And 1 adored hor last July. We danced and swam and bowled and walked; She let me squeeze hor flngor-tips; Entranced I lisfned when ebe talked, And trash seemed wisdom from her lips, I sent her roses till my purse AVos drained, I found, completely dry; I longed to sing her charms in verse But all of this was last July. Of course at last we had to part; I saw a tear-drop on hr cheek; I left her with an aching heart, And dreamt about her for a week. But out of bight is out of mind, And somehow, as the time went by, Much fainter I began to find The memory of last July. July has come again at last; With summer gowns the rocks are gay; It seemed an echo of the past To meet her on the beach to-day. She's even fairer than of yore, And yet, I could not tell you why, I find the girl an awful bore So long it is since lost July. Sophie St. O. Lawrence, in C(ury. HUMOR OF THE DAY. A sandwich An African belle. Life. A checkmate The Boston Post. rich husband. An Ohio newspaper speaks of a man being bruised by the emphatic gesture of a mule. Smoking does not agree with some people, but it always seems to soot the chiumey. Boston Bulletin. "This is :t warm wave," said the man whose irate wife flaunted a hot fire shovel in his face. New York Journal. "Iloigh-oh!" said Mrs. Spriggins, "I see that poor old Mr. Wilkins has died intestate. I alius said high livin would ruin his innards." Life. Love, some one says, destroys the ap petite. That man evidently never was m the vicinity of an ice cream saloon with his best girl. Boston Bud'jet. AVives are very presumptuous creatures. They aro always asking for a lock of their lovers' hair before marriage and taking it without asking afterwards. A New York paper says "heels are lower this season." Heals a.e high as ever here; the doctors charge three dol lars a visit. Boston Commercial Bulletin. A youth may be firmly convinced that love is blind, but it will be just as well for him to avoid ice-cream saloons when he is out walking with his girl. iseu York Journal. Mr. Morse, of Hartford, has taught school for sixty-ono years. Mr. Morsa thinks that birch trees make the best shade for a schoolhouse frout. LouitvUU Courier-Jour mil. Girls, never allow even a lover to have, his arm around you. Tho papers daily show that thousands of our brightest young men are going to waist. Phila delphia Chronicle. AViggins, tho Canadian prAphet, pro claims that ho has seen a second moon. It is not stated whether ho stepped upon a banana peel or ran into a yard gate on a dark night. Baltimore American, "We pardon sin; we do not pardon baseuess," says Ouida. Yes, we forgive the umpire, but when tho second baso makes u square muff and lets iu two men we tear down the grand stand. llock land Courier. "Dear George," said tho young wife, tenderly, as sue stroked her husband's Irving bung; "shall 1 sing 'Some Day?'" "Yes, dear, " replied tho heartless wretch ; "some day when I'm away from home." HjinercUle Journal. The father of five marriageable daugh ters wus iu town a few days ago trying to buy some four-leaf clover seed to plant in his back yard. He suid he had read that when a young girl finds a four-leaf clover it is a sign that sho will be married with in a year. Jiorrittoien Herald. Now the small boy, loudly wailing, Misses Uith his panto and euat; AVIiilo he's in tho river trailing They were euteu by a gout Now the fool, who goes a-suiling Just to ruck the cranky boat, Will gain sense while friends are bailing Out the water from his thrimt. Aew York Journal. "What is the most momentous ques tion that has agitated the women of our country since the first blast of freedom swept over this laud?" screams Lillie Devon aux Blake, if you want our can did opinion, Lil, we should say it was w hether they shall wear a Jersey or a Mother Hubbard. Bradford Mail. The overshadowing and overwhelming issue now before tho American people is the comparative worth of the numerous baking powders in tho market. Viewed coldly from a professional, utid therefore disinterested, standpoint, the odds are decidedly in favor the baking powdei which does the must newspaper adver rising. Chicaijo -Ytrs. A Sudden Change of Opinion. A youug member of a village debating society who talked more than half au hour on the allirmative side of the ques tion, "Is the world growing better?" was ns mad as the mischief when he got ready to go home and found that some pel son had carried away his new silk umbrella und left a seventy-five cent cot ton nil air, with two broken ribs, in its place, llo says if tlmt question ever comes up ugain he wants an opportunity to make a few remarks ou tho negative , jdu. Middletown Truiitcrijit.