THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
It pablVufl ttttf Vyxliiilar, by
J. E. WENK.
Office in Smearbmigh & Co.' Bulldinf
ELM STREET, TIONESTA, FA.
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YOL.IYII. NO. 12.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 1884.
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
Ilk
IP WE HAD BUT A DAY.
tYe should fill the hoar with swectost thlngsf
If Wo had but a day;
Wo should drink alono ftt the purest springs
In our upward way;
We ahou'd love with a llfotime's love in an
hour,
If the hours wore fow;
We should rest, not for dreams, but for
fresher power
To be nd to da
W shnuld guido'our wayward or weary
will
Ey tho e'eflroet light;
IV liould koop our eyes on the heavenly
hills,
If they lay Insight;
We should trample the pride and the discon
tent Beneath our feet;
We should take whatever a good Gol sent,
With a trust complete.
We should waste no moment In went jegret,
' If the days wore but om
If what we remembered and wo regret
Went out with the tun ;
We should bo from our clamorous selves so
free t .
To work or to pray,
And be what our Father would have us be,
If we bad but a day.
THE OLD TREES SECRET.
"We will take the house shall we not,
Charlie?" We had gone a'.l over the
roomy, old-fashioned house, my little
wife and I, from tho dusty, cobwebbed
garret to the neglected cellars, and we
now stood together at tho back of the
garden, critically surveying its appear
ance. It was a low two-story house, built in
tho shape of a T, with a cluster of tall
chimnevs in tho middle and the thrco
gables hidden in ivy. It had once stood
quite out of tho town, which had since
gradually crept toward it. until what had
been a road wns now become a street of
straggling cottages and villas, extending
to the high wall inclosing the grounds.
The lawn was Minded with old trees, and
the garden choked up with thickets of
lilac and snowball. The old lady, Mrs.
Gago, who had for forty years resided
here, leading a very secluded and invalid
life, had taken no pains to keep the place
in order, and sho and the property had
decayed together, until recently she had
died, and tho house was for stile.
"It looks dreadfully gloomy and neg
lected," said Cccie, gazing up at tho
back windows. "Mrs. Moss, next door,
says that for twenty years no one has
occupied those upper rooms; and see
how the Ivy has bound together those
shutters on tho left. Hut it is a beauti
ful old house, and I know that we can
make it bright and cheerful. And then
tho garden what a delight it will be to
tho children, and to ourselves, too. We
will take it, won't we, Charlie?"'
There was no resisting her pleading,
coaxing manner. So that very evening
I went to see tho agent, and before the
. week had elapsed the faouBe was ours.
With what zeal and enjoyment we en
tered upon the transformation of our
new abode. The masses of ivy were torn
down from tho gables or judiciously
trimmed; every door and window was
thrown wido to tho fresh air and sun
light; and paint and paper, muslin cur
tains, and bright carpets and India mat
ting made the houso delightful to be
hold. This much, accomplished, we turned
our attention to the garden. It was al
ready June, and tho season too advanced
for much improvement; but we pulled
down the rotted arbors, thinned out the
thickets of roses and lilacs, and I caused
a little round tublo and some rustic gar
den seats to be placed under an old tree
ut the further cud of the central walk.
Here, on returning from my office on tho
warm, sunny evenings, wo would sit
Cecie engaged with some light stitching,
and I with cigar, books and papers, read
ing to her, while our little ones ran wild
up and down the garden walks.
"This is thoroughly delightful," I
remarked, one evening. "How is it,
Cccie, that we have managed to live
eight years of housekeeping life without
a garden?"
"Yes," sho answered, radiantly, "it
Is delightful. Living so much in the
open air one seems to take a new and
freak growth, like the flowers. Only "
and here she glanced uneasily around
"Only, Charlie, I think I fancy that
this is not exactly tho spot for our al
fresco boudoir."
"Why not! It faces tho walk, it com
mands a view of tho house and tho
whole garden. And these branches
hanging so low and clothed in ivy, make
a nice canopy above us. What is it that
you object tof
"I scarcely know. But somehow I
have never liked this tree."
It was a very old tree under which we
sat, with a huge gnarled trunk growing
in a sloping position near the garden
wall, and covered with ivy. About eight
foot from tho ground the trunk separated
into three branches, and here the ivy had
matted itself in an impervious mass, con
cealing the decayed branches with the
exception of the extremities, which here
and there protruded from the green mass,
white and bare.
"They look like skeleton fingers,"
said Cecie, glancing up, "and it gives
me the horrors. I think the tree ought
to be cut down. It always reminds me
of a graveyard or a haunted houso."
I did not at the lime pay much atten
tion to her remarks. lint some days
after the again suggested that our gar den
table and chairs should be removed
to some other spot.
"1 don't know why it is," she said,
uneasily, 'but I always feel nervous
here. I fancy there is something pecu
tuliar about Hie place in tLe rustling of
the ivy uud in the very atmosphere; 1
uitea find myself starting and looking
around with ft vague sense of something
horrible. I hate the sight of that tree,
with its distorted shape and bare skeleton
arm."
I rallied her upon being fanciful, but
promised that the '.'skeleton arms" of
which sho complained should be cut off.
Sho sat silent for ft moment, then said,
seriously :
"Charlie, did it ever occur to you that
certain objects in nature trees, for in
stance may have an individual life of
their own! I don't mean the mere vege
table life, but ft sort of mysterious spirit
ual existence. Now, I can't help fancy
ing that this tree is conscious of what is
going on beneath it that it remembers
things which it has witnessed in its long
life, and, were it able, could tell us some
horrible ghastly story of the past. You
may laugh, but I assure you that I never
sit under this tree, even on sunny noon
day, without feeling a chill creeping over
me, and a sense of something mysterious
and horrible, which makes me almost
afraid."
. "Of course,"-1 said; "having once im
agined that tho dead branches resemble
'skeleton arms,1 and associated them in
your own mind with the idea of ft grave
yard, you will be haunted with all sorts
of dismal thoughts and fancies in con
nection with the tree. But since you
don't like it, Cecie, I will have this bug
bear removed, and we will build ft pretty
summer-house on tho spot. I will speak
to tho men to morrow, when they come
to tako down tho wall."
The portion of the wall to which I al
luded separated our garden from that of
our next door neighbor. It was of stone,
but the mortar had fallen out and left it
little more than a pile of loose stones,
which I feared might at any moment
topple down on the children, as they
played about it. So I concluded to have
it pulled down, and a light wooden pal
ing placed in its stead.
Over there, in the next house, lived an
old gentlemen and his wife, who passed
much of their timo in their garden, cul
tivating flowers and small garden fruits,
in which they appeared to take great de
light. They had called on us, a cheerful
and kindly old couple ; and when the old
wall was pulled down and before the new
one was up, tho way lay open to a more
familiar intercourse.
One evening, by their invitation, we
stepped over into their garden to see a
collection of roses upon which Mr. War
ren prided himself. These duly admired,
tho old lady expressed to Cecie her pleas
ure in having neighbors who were neigh
bors. She had lived ten years in their
present abode, and in that time had only
twice seen Mrs. Gage I
"She wasn't always such a recluse,"
said the good lady. "I remember that
when she and her husband first came
hero, a young married couple (I was a
child then), they were merry, gay ana
fond of society. It was their daughter's
fate which so sadly changed them. You
have heard the story ?"
Wo Viai4 r -i f Knnn 1 rr r in Vi i u
yet Cecie remembered to have heard
something about a daughter of Mrs. Gage
running away to join a lover at a dis
tance, and being never afterward heard
of.
"Her name was Emily," said Mrs,
Warren, "and she was the handsomest
girl in the town. She was an only child
and had been all her life petted and in
dulged, and allowed to have her own
way. Such children don't generally turn
out as well as t-icy should do; and Emilv
Gage rejected many good offers, to fall
in love with a handsome and dissipated
fellow, who made his appearance here
for a short time. Jieing unable to give a
satisfactory account of himself, Mr. Gage
forbade big visiting his daughter, and
the two then agreed upon an elopement.
This was put a stop to, and the young
man shortly afterward left the place.
The girl, however, was closely watched,
the parents having cause to suspect that
she was in secret correspondence with
hi m. And one morning Bbe was no
where to be found only a note slipped
under the door of her parents' sleeping
room informed them that she had gone
o join her lover that she had
taken with her all her jewelry to
gether with five hundred dollars, which
her father bad left in his writing-desk;
since she would need money for traveling
and other expenses. And that was the
last that they ever knew about her."
"But could they not uud the young
man i" asked Cecie.
"They found him, after a long search,
but he denied all knowlodge of Emily
and her intended flight. They had cor
responded, and she had assurred him
that she would yet find means to join
him, but her letters had then ceased, nor
had he ever since heard from her. This
was his story. Some believed it, but
others, though nothing could ever be
proven against him, had dark suspicions
of mm. Ana tne strangest tning was,
that, having once passed the garden wall,
every trace of the girl was utterly lost."
'The crardeu wall ?"
"I forgot to meutionthat it was in that
immuer sho escaped. She mounted the
sloping trunk of the old tree at the foot
of tho garden walk the same under
which you so often sit and then stepped
along its horizontal branches to the top
of the wall. This was rendered evident
by the broken twigs and scattered leaves
at the foot of the tree. On the ground
outside tho wall was found her shawl,
which sho had doubtless dropped or for
gotten in her haste. That was all. To
this day the mystery of her fate remains
uurevealed, though undoubtedly there
was foul pluy somewhere. The jewels
and the money were great temptations
to crime. "
That evening my wife said to me:
" That horrible tree. Charlie ! Did I
tell you that it had a secret to reveal?
Perhaps it knows what became of rtt
poor girl."
Net day Cecie went on a visit of a
few days to her mother, taking the chil
area with her. Before going to my
business I gave orders respecting the)
tree. I wished every trace of it to be
removed before her return, when perhaps
she would forget all about It ana Its
gloomy associations.
Returning homo in the evening, 1 was
met by the workmen with countenance
of interest and mystery. Their infor
mation startled me. While busied in
cutting down the tree, they had heard
something rattle and fall witlfin; and on
! - ' 1 ' J 1 I . I. 1
examination discovered wuuin tus uoucs
of a skeleton, though whether human or
not they could not tell. Communicating
the fact to Mr. Warren, who was in his
garden, they had by his advice desisted
until my arnval.
I went to the spot, ana with the men
and Mr. Warren examined the tree.
Though the opening already made the
bones were clearly to be distinguished ;
and I directed that the trunk should at
once be felled. When this was done
there was exposed a hollow stump, in
which lay a mass of human bones, with
remains of a woman's dress; and beneath
these and the decayed wood and dust
which had gathered over them gleamed
the lustre of jewels and gold and silver
coin.
I looked at Mr. Warren, who, white
as death, had staggard to a garden
bench.
My God 1" he exclaimed. " It is
Emily 1"
Yes, it was Emily. Of this there
could be no doubt. The tree had long
held its fearful secret, and was still un
able to reveal it. It had given up
Emily's skeleton, but how came the poor
girl to bo immured within this living
tomb if
Further examination, however, re
vealed the whole horrible truth.
"I see how it all was," my old neigh
bor said, in a broken and faltering voice,
"She had thrown her shawl over the
wall that it might not be in her way,
and then mounted the tree to where the
three great branches meet; and there,
hidden by the masses of ivy, lay the
fatal trap. Through that great hole she
slipped, and the ivy closed over her in
her living tomb."
He shuddered, and the tears gushed
into his eyes.
We neither of us expressed the thoughts
which chilled and moved our hearts to
pitying horror. Had her death been
sudden, or bad she here slowly starved
and pined to death t Her cries could
not have been heard, for the house stood
apart, and her parents had left home and
gone in pursuit of her. 1 thought of
Cecie'a strange fancy concerning the old
tree, and lost myself in vague conjectures
as to the nature of those mysterious in
fluences which sometimes affect our
human perceptions, how or whence we
may not know.
This was the secret which the old tree
so long held. And I may add that to
this day Cecie knows nothing of it; for.
beside the clergyman who gave Christian
burial to the remains of the poor girl,
no one but ourselves, who made the dis
covery, ever knew the secret. We
thought it best that it should be so.
But I observed that Cecie never after
complained of the uneasy influence which
had before so annoyed her. With the
removal of the tree and the burial of the
bones, nature resumed her bright and
joyous sway in the old garden. Siuan
A. Weiss.
Making Pearl Buttons.
The Springfield (Mass.) Republican says
that a company in that city which makes
pearl buttons is unique among New Eng
land button-making industries in that it
uses only simple machinery, depending
mainly on the trained hands and eyes of
its twenty-five or thirty workmen for the
perfection of its products. The marine
shells from which the mother-of-pearl is
obtained shells of the pintadina variety,
coming from the East and West Indies,
California, and, in fact, all quarters of the
world are taken as they come packed,
are rinsed in water, and are then ready
for turning. The shell is made up of
the mother-of-pearl inside, this being of
a creamy or varied coloring and a thinner
outer layer of a bony texture. The shell
is pierced through a number of times by
a hollow boring tool, fitted to a common
lathe, some dozen of small discs being
the result. Each disc then goes through
three or four or sometimes a half dozen
more operations at the hands of the men
standing in a line at one work-bench,
each having a lathe and a three-
cornered file, sharpened to suit his
work. The bony" part is cut from
tho disc and the button shape given
it while revolved by the lathe against
the sharp steel held in the workman's
hand, no gauge being used. Some of the
buttons are erooved with a few lines on
the face, and a few holes are punched in
each. Part of the buttons are subjected
to a mysterious coloring operation in a
revolving box, but the best grades are
finished in the natural colors. The pol
ishing is mainly done by hand. The
whole process is very quick, and the
method has the great advantage of being
immediately adapted to any style of but
ton desired, no change in machinery
being required, but merely a fresh ad
justment of flesh and blood. All sizes
of ordinary buttons are turned out, as
well as some "codar buttons," though no
fancy articles are made. The light-colored
material is the most valuable. Fifty
cents a pound is paid for the rough shells,
and the buttons are worth from one to
seven or eight cents each. Tho store
room contains many bushels of these
valuable little things, ready for the fin
ishing touches to fill orders. The use of
pearl buttons bus been confined mainly
to wen's clothing for five or six years,
but the fashion is thought to be tending
toward u more general use of them by
women. The company has been gradually
increasing its force for some months. The
workmen are mostly imported from
Pennsylvania, and have served a long
apprenticeship. They are paid by the
piece, and tho better workers make about
3 a day, others averaging as low a $3.
MOMENTS FOR MERRIMENT.
TOXXES THAT WZZJC SKIVE DTJLIi
OAHB AW AT.
PToGreaU !. Over tho Fenr-Illrel
. Help Too Tough New Cent Bad a
Unnrter Piec.
A gentleman bought a newspaper and
tendered in payment a piece of forty
sous.
The newspaper woman " I haven't
the change ; you can pay me as you pass
along to-morrow."
The gentleman " But supposo) I
should be killed to-day?"
The newspaper woman "Oh, it
wouldn't be a verv great lossl" Pari
Wit. ' '
. Over tho Fence
Mrs. Slingonin put her head over the
fence and thus addressed her neighbor,
who was hanging out her week's wash
ing: "A family has moved in the empty
house across the way, Mrs. Clothes-line."
"Yes, I know."
"Did you notice their furniture!"
"Not particularly."
"Two loads, and I wouldn't give a dol
lar a load for it. Carpets 1 I wouldn't
put them down in my kitchen. And the
children 1 I won't allow mine to associ
ate with them. And the mother 1 She
looks as though she had never known a
day's happiness. The father drinks, I ex
pect. Too bad that such people should
come into this neighborhood. I wonder
who they are."
"I know them."
"Do youf Well, I declare. Who are
they?"
"The mother is my sister, and the father
is superintendent of the Methodist Sunday-school."
A painful pause ensues.
Hired Help.
Mrs. Jooblewizzle had hired a new and
a very green errand boy, and she sent
him with a basket and the money to get
some Groceries. When he came back he
did not report, and she called downstairs
to him:
"John, did you get the cabbage?"
"That's wot you tole me to git," he
answered, with a lazy arawi.
"Did you get the potatoes?"
"That's wot you tole me to git."
"Did you get the starch? '
"That's wot you tole me to git."
"Did you get the soap?"
"That's wot you tole me to git."
"Did you get the sugar?"
"That's what vou tole me to git."
"I know that," she shrieked, after the
same monotonous reply floated up to her
for the fifth time, "but did you get
them?"
"No, ma'am, I lost the money, and
tome dang thief uv a boy stole the basket,
Merchant- Traveler.
Now Cont and a Quarter Piece.
Scene Park Row.
Dramatis Persona A bootblack and
newsboy.
Bootblack (with great unction) Say,
chummy, did you see any of the new
cent and a quarter pieces?
Newsboy (with vehement surprise)
See what?
Bootblack (with great deliberation).
See any of the new cent and a quarter
pieces.
Newsboy (with evident sympathy)
Been out all night!
Bootblack (with fervid anger) No,
ain't been out all night. I'll bet you a
banana I can show you one of the cent
and a quarter pieces.
Newsboy (with lofty scorn) I don't
want no banana, but I'll buy a whole
bunch for you if you show me the cent
and a quarter.
There was a wicked look on the boot'
black's face as he went down in his
pocket. Then he retreated a step or two
and took out a cent and a quarter of a
dollar. "There s the cent aud a quarter
pieces," he said as he sloped away, "and
I'll take the banana some other time."
New York American Queen.
Too Ton flu
Late one evening recently a New York
goat of the William persuasion and ten
der years, though robust stomach, re
turned to the bosom of the family with
an expression of pain upon his counte
nance and a suspicious contortion about
the stomach.
" Oh, my eon," said the grave and
reverend sire, "you are ailing you have
eaten something indigestible. What is
it ?"
"I know not, father." returned young
William. ' All I havo lunched on this
evening was a few circus posters on a
bill board arouud the corner."
"It is as I thought, my son," wisely
nodded the old stager, "You have
swallowed one or two of thoso stories
concerning the white elephant. 1 saw
them myself, my son, and decided not to
go them. They looked too tough for
even my muscular gastric juice. But
Lere is a choice assortment of tin cans
and old shoes. Eut a few of these and
by the time they mix with the circus bill
in your stomach I think the kinks will
be pretty ctlectuaiiy rcmovea. toucan
not be too careful about eating what you
find on the bill boards these times.
liliaard.
A Too VI tiling; Young Nan.
"Do you love me us dearly as men have
ever loved women?" said Mabel, finding
an easy anchorage for her cheek about
the latitude of his upper vest pocket and
the longitude of his left suspender.
"More," said George, with wuuing en
thusiusm, for this was about the two hun
dred and fourteenth encore to which he
had responded since 8 o'clock. "More,
fur more dearly. Oh, ever so much
more."
"Would jou," she went on, and there
was a tremulous impres&iveness in her
votce that warned the young man that
the star was going to leave her lines and
spring something new on the house 1
"would you be willing to work and wait
for me, as Rachel waited at the well,
even long years?"
"Seven 1" he cried, in a burst oi gen
uine devotion. "Seven I Aye, gladlyl
Yes, aud more 1 Even until seventy times
seven 1 Let's make it seventy, anyhow,
and prove my devotion."
Somehow or other he was alone when
he left tho parlor a few minutes later,
and it looks now as though he would have
to wait about 700 years before he saves
fuel by toasting his shins at the low-down
gate in the parlor again. There are men,
my son, who always overdo the thing;
they want to be meekeT than Moses,
stronger than Sampson and ten times
more particular than Job, the printer;
that is, he isn't, but he used to Uz.
Hawteye.
Fish That Go Ashore.
An old fisherman took a scientific re-
fiortcr of tho New York Sun to a pool on
.ong Island, where they found numerous
little fishes (killies) resting partly out of
water, with their heads high and dry upon
blades of grass. The old man also spun
a yarn about some large fishes that he had
seen hopping along on the banks of a river
in the Malay country. These fishes were
recognized from the fisherman's descrip
tion by the man of science, who then took
his turn at telling fish stories as follows:
"The fish is only one of a dozen or twenty
that are more or less amphibious. When
the Ceradotus is under water it breathes
by the fills, but it has a habit of leaving
the water and prowling around on the
marshes of the Mary river. As soon as it
leaves the water the gas in the air blad
der is expelled with a noise that can be
heard half a mile. The fish takes in air
at the mouth or nostril that passes into
the air bladder, to which the heart is now
pumping blood to be purified, instead of
sending it to the gills.
"The Ceradotus, which may be called a
dry land fish, is over six feet long, and
looks uke a great eel with two pairs
of fins that compare with feet, and the
most curious part of it is that previous to
1870 the fish was unknown, except as a
fossil. These fossil remains were described
years ago by Professor Owen as the Cera
dotus. Strange stories came from the Mary
river of loud noises that were heard in the
swamps at night, and the crushing and
rushing as of some huge animal. At last
these rumors attracted the attention of a
naturalist, who went to the locality, and
the discovery of the fish was the result.
They live on leaves and vegetable matter
that they obtain partly out of water, and
they are the Jast of a powerful race that
is probably doomed to extinction.
" The killies are not the only fishes
that leave the water. Last year I spent
some weeks near a small fishing village
where there was a large eel pond, and to
say that it was alive with these animals
is putting it extremely mild. Some au
thorities say that the eel goes down to
the sea only once a year, but these fel
lows went out to sea every night, com
pletely filling the little channel so that in
wading across you stepped on hundreds
that writhed about your feet and legs.
If there happened to bo a dory or other
boat about that blocked the way,tho eels
left the water and wriggled away over
land, presenting a curious sight, and
moving with such rapidity that it was an
impossibility to catch them. I thought
it might be accidental, and inquired of
the fishermen how it was, and one told
me that several years before the entrance
to the pond became clogged by sand
after a storm, and the eels, finding no
way of getting out, started across the
sand every night, forming passageways
by which they returned.
"In England, when a pike pond gets
too low to suit its occupants, they, ac
cording to Couch, start overland in regu
lar droves, and travel until they reach
some place better suited to their require
ments. This is true of a large number of
fishes that are peculiar to the East and to
South America. In the latter country the
catfishes known Doras and Hussars, when
left in drying pools, travel overland in
droves, and are caught in great num
bers by birds and various ani
mals as well as men. Fishes of
another genera, from North America,
have been fouud far from water. Per
haps the most curious is the Protopterus,
some being found in Africa as well.
They also breathe by the air bladder
when deprived of water, but instead of
migrating overland they descend into
the mud and encase themselves into a
ball, the interior of which is lined with
a slimy secretion, and thus closed up, as
it were, they lie until the rainy season
comes again, and they are soaked out.
In certain parts of Africa barren wastes
have suddenly become flooded, and tho
sudden appearance of fishes has given
rise to ideas of spontaneous generation,
as the enormous quantities of fishes could
not bo explained on any other hypothesis
unless they had rained down. Duldorf,
the Danish naturalist, caught an anatas,
a perch-like fish climbing a palm, work
ing its way up by its sharp fins. Hence,
these fish are called climbing perch. They
don't climb usMally, but they are perfect
ly amphibious, like a frog.
"As a matter of course, these fishes
have been experimented upon. An Eng
lish naturalist put a blcnny in an aquar
ium, and at certain times noticed that the
fish tried to jumD out of water. To see
what it would do, he set a stone in tho
water that formed a little island, and in
a moment the blenny jumped upon it,
high and dry out of water. The experi
mentalist noticed that it was then low
tide on the beach, and every day at ex
actly low tide the fish jumped out upon
the rock, and returned to the water at
flood tide. It is remurkublo that the
fish should leave the water, but how
much more so that it should iu a house
and tank know the turn of the tide."
A chants acquuintaince an introduc
tion to a pretty member of the choir.
ILtrtford Journal.
THE DEFENDER.
Care came and laid hi hand upon her
shoulder,
And Borrow came, hr lids with salt tear
wet;
And Pain, with features marred, and whit
and set,
Frets! to her side; and then, tern-vlsed,
gnunt,
Frightening her shaken soul, unpitylne Want
Stared in her feoa; and then, growing
bolder
By all these ills, Temptation, smiling, fair,
Spread for her weary feet a charmed snare,
With tender, cruel hand. Bo cold the werld;
AU her weak soul in a ; strange tempest
whirled,
With whitened lips, and sad, Imploring
breath,
She stretches out her helpless hand to Detth.
rhen lo! one came, before wbce radian
grac3
Borrow grew dumb, and grim Care hid hi
face;
Before who presence a radiant as tk
day,
Temptation, vexed and beaten, fil away;
For whoe dear sake she trembled at tho
thought
Of Death, whoso pallid kiss she vain had
sought
With a Btrange rapture, holy, reatful, sweet.
Against her own she felt a true heart beat.
Oh, Life! she cried, no ill of thin can hold
me,
Since Love, the mighty, In his arms doth
fold me.
Charlotte Perry, in Vanity Fair.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
The most courted belle The dinner
bclL
The Egyptian injunction "Mummy'
the word."
The hen that thinks a woman throws
shoo's at her for good luck is very much
mistaken. Bradford Mail.
Hospitality. "Do take some more of
the vegetables, Mr. Blood, for they go
to the pigs anyway. Harvard Lampoon.
"Another expedition to the pole,"
said the man, as he wended his way to
his barber shop. Cincinnati Saturday
Night. J
"Yes," she said, "I always obey my
husband, but I reckon I have something
to say about what his commands shall
be. " Boston Post.
My love and I for kisses played
And it did chance to be
The darling girl won all the stakes
And gave them all to me.
Salem Sunbeam.
' The garden season is here, and the
uusband of the - woman - who - throws-stones-at-the-hens
is getting himself into
a position to dodge. Bradford Sunday
Mail.
Lady, to small boy with ft dog John
ny, does that dog bark at night? Johnny,
who is a connoisseur in dogs No, ma'am,
he barks at cats and other dogs. iftr-chant-Traveler.
Now is the time when the small boy in
the country comes into the house with
his hair all wet and tells his mother that
he ran homo from school so fast that he
is all perspired. Botton Post.
The price of Circassian girls hes lately
dropped to 000 the lowest figure ever
known. All youmg men who have been
despising matrimony because wives are
so cheap can now purchase one for about
a year's saiary, ana be happy. Burling
ton Free Press.
"I don't think I'm cranky," said a dud
ish young fellow, but when I go out
with my dog, and hear a man whistle
and I look around, and he says he was
whistling at tho old dog and not the
puppy, 1 think it is time I was asserting
my rights. Merchant-Traveler.
' In Siberia you can purchase a wife
for eight dogs." As long as girls can be
had for the asking in this country, very
few of our young men will go to Siberia
to procure a wife. And one who. has
seen a Siberian wife will wonder why
they come so terribly high. Norrittovin
Herald,
It is said that as late as the latter part
f the thirteenth century, "the upper
classes in Europe ate whales for dinner."
It is not stated, but we should think one
whale would not only make a dinner for
the largest family in Europe, but there
would be enough left over to warm up
for next morning's breakfast. Norrie-
loten Herald.
A messenger boy recently fell off the
roof of a very high building up town,
but was not hurt at all. It seems when
ho fell he was asleep, and the slowness
which characterizes him when on life
and death errands didn't desert him.
In fact he dropped to the ground s i
lowly and softly, that when lie landed
he was not awakened, but went right
on dreaming until a policeman aroused
him. Pack.
The Elevator.
i uii person that first put an elevator
into a high structure, so as to save pas
sengers the labor of walking up many
steps of stairs, little dreamed of the im
portant results that have followed the
adoption of that expedient. It has
practically revolutionized tho domestic
and business architecture of large cities.
In New York there are literally hundreds
of high buildings accommodating thous
ands of iicrsons. ulthough the apartment
and ollice buildings are a thing of yester
day. In this cily thero aro score of
dwellings between 140 aud 1U0 feet iu
height. One houso is over 180 feet high.
The lower part of New York 1ms a num
ber of enormous structures tilled with
otlices luxuriously furnished. The oc
cupants of the upper floors pref.sr them
to those nearer the surface of tho earth.
The air, they think, is purer, hu1 there
are fewer annoyances, while the elevator
is a swift and pleasant mean of com
munication. Demurest.