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Communication a.
VOLIVII. NO- 5.
TIONESTA. PA.. WEDNESDAY, MAY 14, 1884.
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
men
THE ANCIENT MINER'S STORY.
BI WILI, CA1U.ETON.
Oh, yea, I'm fliied at aolld, air, at ruott of folk, yon
aei'j
At leant the coyole Poverty bad ccnaed to an 15 a1
me;
That mine I. worth a million down that It, It la
to-Uai:
What It might ceat to-morrow, though, I couldut
exiictly tay.
A boy In old Connecticut thla dream I need to
hold:
What If the cellar of our home thonld tprlng a leak
with (old,
And I from there at any time a ahlning lump ceuld
hrlnp?
I've got a i o:!ar In this rock thit'a Jutt that tort o'
thlnjr.
The turn my father .laved hlmielf for twenty ycart
to pay
I've t n ken out of that there hule In lea than half a
das-;
If 1 could lr:id him up you path, I'd make him eralle,
at leant;
But hla old labor-hardened hand, are moldcrlng In
the Kaat.
I'd park my mother up thla bill, and open to be
view
rnoiifh to give a benefit to all tat poor the knew;
I'd pan a heap o' happinnat out f ber dear eld face;
Hut mother a tlruck a lead of gold in quite a differ
ent place.
My girl? Well, maybe tMa la tort; but alnce the
quattlon't put
(I wouldn't tell thla to any one except "a tender.
foot"),
We uted to climb thote Fostrrn hills (he waa a
charming witch),
And propcct en what we would do when I hid
"atnuk it rich."
But her old father hadn't the heart to let us marry
poor,
And eo I hook oil Yankee duat and took a Wettc rn
tour.
My trip it In. ted irvernl yeara. The old maa
grieved, no doubt.
I eworo I never would come back till I could buy
him out.
Yon don't know what It ia to hunt and dig from day
to day,
To etnkcaveln that almost ahows, thea dodgea
clean away. r
Ton do? Well, yea; but have you ttarved, and
D,'EKed, and alinoat died,
With treasure that yau couldn't find heaped up on
every aide I
Aud then her lettera wandered, like; then tapered
ta an end ;
I won lered on It for a while, then wroto a acheol-
by (r.eud ;
And jutt aa I had atruck thla mine, and my old
heart beat high,
There came a letter up the gnlch It waa my
friend t reyly.
"Bhe'abian a-wandcrlng in her mlud: the other
afternoon
She went within tho aaylom walla, aa crazy aa a
looa."
-
A ruah acroaa the barren plaint, a anallth railroad
rde,
Aud I u in the aavluui too. a-kneellng at her
aide.
I thought the knew me, Juat at flrat ; but aoon abo
ebnink away,
And never looked at me again, whatever I might
aay.
She wandrrt round, or crouchre In a western win
dow niche,
Aad tay, "My love will come to me when ho hat
'atruck H rich.' "
Ko word or look tor me. Ob, but the Eastern hllla
werd cold !
And eoinething teemed to always nay, "Go back
and love your gold I
And I cair.e back; and in thla hut my purpoae ia to
stay
A mlsor, wiiu hit treatura bright already atowod
away.
Tm President, Cathler, and Board or quite a wealthy
bank,
With none except myself to please aud so one
ele to thank ;
But coining makes my heart boit fuat and Iain
growing old.
With not a thing to love or leave except thla pile of
(old. . .
But I have learned a thing or two ; I know aa aure
aa fute,
When we lock up our live for wealth, the gold key
roint s tae late ;
And that I'm poor-r now than through thoae happy
dayt in which
I owned a heart, and did not know that I had atruck
It rich I
Boulder, Colorado. Harptr't. Wetk'y.
A FAMILY FEUD.
"There!" said I, "how do you like the
way I have rendered thut red autumn
leaf?"
"It's capital!" said Simon, absently.
Now, I can always tell my brother
Simon's tone exactly whether ho is at
tending or uoL And this time ho was
Dot!
We were up ia the garret of the old
Battersley house, where 1 still kept my
easel and paints, and lay-figures and
things, although it was more than a year
ince the agent had warned us that Bat
tersledf'was no longer our property, and
compelled us to move into tho little cot
tage on the salt marshes.
"I wonde r ut your lack of spirit, child,"
mamma had said, plaintively.
"Oh, what is the use of having spirit?"
I retorted, recklessly. "1 must nave a
studio? And there isn't a room in this
little beehive that has a good north light !
Wasn't 1 born and brought up at Batters
ley? And why shouldn't I keep my
Studio in the garret, as long as there is
nobody else there but the rats and
ghosts? I tell you, mamma, on? gets
inspirations in an old house like' thut !
And I'm going to redeem all the family
fortunes with my pencil before I get
through !"
But mamma only sighed.
Since the disastrous law-suit had been
decided against us, bhe had fallen ifrto
the way of sitting aimWsly by the tire,
as if tlK-re was nothing l left to do or
think of in life. i ,
But I cared nothing li','' il"'Se8 f
the supreme court, nor ly.V'e distant
heir-at-law, who had i out of
lhitterslsy.
I came there every day to dream and
to work, and to build up those custles in
the air which reared their ethereal pin
nacles in tho morning, and dissolved
nightly into tho thin, gray mist, through
which I walked to the little sea-marsh
cottage.
And this morning Simon had climbed
up tho steep, garret stairs, with a bunch
of the i-ilver tresses of the "Grandfather
Graybtard," which was now ripening
about the edges of the woods, and ven
tured to pass an opinion on my work
without ever looking at it.
"Simon," said I, "you don't know
what you arc saying."
"You are right, Babyl" he said. "I
wasn't thinking of the picture. Do you
know, Baby, you've got to turn out of
this?"
"What for?" said I, calmly sorting
over the clusters of 'Grandfather Gray
beard,' to get the silkiest plumes. "I've
heard that before. I am not to be fright
ened away by mere shadows."
"But it's a substance this time," said
my brother. "Our dear cousin is here.
He is coming to Battersley."
"How do you know?" 1 questioned.
"Jones, tho steward, told me. lie
landed in tho Barataria on Saturday."
"And this is Tuesday. Oh, he won't
rush out to his new possessions the very
first thing 1" said I, cavalierly. "When
he comes I'll go!"
"What sort of a man is he, Bald Simon,
thoughtfully.
"What does it matter to us?" I re
torted. "Why, I suppose he has eorae sort of
a right to Battersley, or the supreme
court wouldn't have adjudged it to him,"
said Simon.
"l'sliaw !" said I. "Law isn't always
equity. He's a selfish, abominable old
usurper, that's what ho is!"
"Well, have it your own way," said
Simon. "I'm going over to Hawlcy on
tho pony to-day. Don't you want to
come?"
"I should like to," Baid I, wistfully,
"but if that picture is to go in the au
tumn exhibition there's no time to lose."
So I settled to my work after Simon
had whistled his dogs away and clattered
down the stairs.
The morning had been clear and
golden-bright, but at noon, when I sat
down in thu deep sill of the old garret
window to read an odd volume of "Anno
of Geierstein," and eat my lunch, 1 no
ticed that dark clouds had swept over
the sky, and an uneasy wind was rifling
the dead-gold of the hickory boughs.
And long before it was night the gath
ering gloom warned me that it was time
to desist from my labors.
I began to put away my things in a
leisurely way. I did not dislike the old
garret at twilight. I enjoyed the eerio
shadows that peopled its dim recesses,
the elm boughs against tho wiudow
pam s,the creaking groans which seemed,
ever and anon, to thrill through the old
chimney-stack without any apparent
cause; theskurry of the bright-eyed mice
across the tloor.
There was a portrait of my great-great-grand-aunt
Battersley behind the big red
chest a hard favored old dame, whose
canvas had been rent apart by some un
toward accident, nobody knew how,
many years ago, thereby banishing it to
this unfrequented region. Aud 1 used
to fancy that she looked at me by times,
with a curious, icy gazo, as I went to
and fro.
"Hush!" I said, suddenly, to myself,
with a tin tube of ultra-marine in my
hand, "there are footsteps down stairs.
Somebody is moving about there."
I knew it wasn't ghots, Aunt Batters
ley to the contrary, notwitkstaudiug. I
did not believe it was burglars. At tho
same tinio, however, I wanted to get out
of the house as quick as possible, for
dusk was deepening into' night, and I
knew that the tide, rising swiftly over
tho marshes, would roar like a wild
wolf around my path, if I did not make
haste.
Most probably the heir-at-law had ar
rived. Well, let him come !
Silently as a shadow, I glided down
the back stairway to the littlo sute-door,
which was my usual mode of egress and
ingress ; but, to my amazement, there was
a pile of trunks heaped up against it.
which I could no more stir than I could
shake the foundation of tho tower of
Babel.
And to reach the front door I should
have to cross the great hall, with its waxed
floor, which was already illumined by tho
glow of a gipsy tire built in tho monster
fireplace in the sittuuf-room.
"No." said 1 to myself, with a hasty
survey of the tifrhtly-shuttered windows,
whose bolts and bars were tightened by a
year's corroding rust, "I must just go
back to the garret and hide there."
In the midst of my perplexity, a sense
of the ridiculousuess of my position
dawned upon me. 1 laughed all to my
self as I glided noiselessly up the stairs,
irroninsr mv way iu the dark.
"Cousin Battersley," I said to myself,
"you don't know how near you are to one
of vour relations. I he chimney biuokcs,
does it? Well, I only wish it would smoke
you out! Damp down there, ia it I 1
only hope it won't give your old bones a
new lease of rheumatism!
It was bo dark up in the garret now,
that I could not even tell whether my
great-graud-auut's eyes were watching me
or not.
There was just a "glimmering square"
where tho hall window was, a moaning
rustle of dry leaves against the mossy,
shingled roof, and a herd of mice patter
ing across the floor.
I sat at the head of the stairs and lis
tened, with my chin in my hands.
"He is sending his servant to the inn
for something in the shape of supper," I
thought. "Ah! he don't know that tho
inn is three good miles oil. He hasn't a
bad voiceit is low and pleasant. I'm
not sure but that ha speaks with a slight
foreign accent. That I don't like. In
my wind, Americans should bo Ameri
cans. Kow he s making coffee. And it
smells delicious ! Dear me, I didn't know
before how hungry 1 was!"
Here 1 descended two or three steps.
"I wonder whathe is like?" I thought.
"I've a great mind to slip down and
peep through the crack of the door.
Sly goodness me, what would mamma
sayf And Simon? How good that collee
does smell I And the chimney don't
smoke any more now."
Softly I crept down. Goblin-like I
glided across tho hall and peeped around
the big mahogany door, which stood
conveniently ajar.
I he old room was all In a glow of
ruddy light. Close to the hearth, whose
blazing logs cast bo bright an illumina
tion around, a wooden chair was drawn
up, and there sat a young, handsome
man, leaning thoughtfully back, as if
his dark, Spanish eyes saw far beyond
the leap of tho flames or the columns of
blue smoke.
"He isn't Old Crab Battersley at all,"
said I to myself. "He's like the hero of
a novel."
And then I took a second look.
"Then who is he?" I asked myself
"and what business has he here?"
All of a sudden tho trembling collee
pot, which was placed on a bed of coals,
boiled over. The hero of romance
stooped to remove it, and in the change
of position his eyes unexpectedly met
mine.
I took refuge in instantaneous flight,
but I was too late. He had seen me,
and Bprang to his feet. But the hall wag
only lighted by the red stream of bril
liance from the blazing logs, and I had
the advantage of being thoroughly ac
quainted with the premises. If I could
once hide away behind my great-great-grand-aunt's
picture in the garret
But even as this possibility flashed
across my mind, I slipped on the lowei
stair, a sharp, needle-like pang of pain
shot through my ankle, and I sank help
less to the tloor.
My captor hastened to the rescue.
"Are you hurt?" said he, with solici
tude. "Ycsl" I cried out, sharply. "I have
sprained my ankle."
"Hut 1 beg your pardon I he said.
I I don't quite" know who you are, noi
how you came here !"
"I am Barbara Battersley I" said 1, de
fiantly.
"My cousin?" with a sudden bright
ness in his face.
"Yes, I suppose so!" I ungraciously
admitted.
"What can .... for "you?" he ques
ioned, earnestly.
"You can let me alone!" I cried, con
tracting my brows, as a fresh spasm of
pain thrilled my nerves.
Ho looked at me, half smiling.
"I could I suppose," said he; "but
don't you think I had better help you
iu by the tire, and then go for the nearest
doctor, if you will kindly direct me to
oner'
His manner was kindly, although a
little satirical. I was heartily ashamed
of myself.
"I beg vour pardon!" I said, "lou
couldn't help my clumsiness, and you
cannot prevent the pain. But "
At this moment there came a volley of
thundering knocks at the door. It was
bimon, come to see what on earth had
become of me.
"It's raining like the deluge," said ho,
"aud the tide is up, and hello! who is
this? and why are you so pale? Is any
thing the matter?"
1 don't know what happened just then.
I believe 1 fainted.
When I came to my senses, mamma
was there, and the doctor, and cousin
Battersley's Italian servant, who knew
exactly what to do in every emergency.
And my ankle was bandaged up, and
they had made an Impromptu couch foi
me with two old packing-boxes and a
scarlet plush railway rug.
And mamma was crying and declaring
that she. did not know what she should
have done if it had not been for Hudolph
Battersley's kindness aud presence of
mind.
We stayed there all night, because of
the rain aud the rising tide. We stayed
there during the next week, because Ru
dolph declared that he never could get set
tled without my taste and woman's ad
vice, and Simon's help.
' And we concluded to remain there for
ever, because lludolph who was only
the grandson of the cross old old kinsman
who had sued us and was since dead as
sured us that he saw our shadow of right
in his grandfather's claim, supreme court
or no supremo court; und that he should
return at once to Switzerland, if we didn't
agree to live on there, just as if there never
had been any lawsuit.
"There!" cried Simon, laughing:
"Baby has always been sighing for a hero
of nomance, and I guess she has found
him at last."
But when Cousin Rudolph told me,
just six months afterward, that he could
not be happy unless I would promise to
become his wife, 1 could scarcely credit
my own ears.
"It's because you want to settle the
family disseusions," said 1, almost in
clined to cry.
"No, it isn't," said he; "it's because I
love you, Baby."
"But how can you possibly care for
rne?" said I, with a sudden burst of hu'
mility.
Ho turned me gently toward the mirror
which hung close by.
"Look in tho glass, Baby," said he,
"and see?"
So we are to be married, and my wed
ding is to put an cud to the quarrels which
have rent the Battersley family for more
than a generation. Mi lei Forrest Grace
"Were you ever caught in a sudden
squall ?" asked an old yachtsman of a
worthy citizeu. "Well, I guess so!" re
sponded tho old man. "I have helped
to bring up eight babies!" Burlington
ITrt tt4u.
FOR THE LOVERS OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FOUND IV
OUB EXCHANGES.
IVo Fire Needed A Great State She
I.nngrlMMt l oo Moon - Ilia I.nol Seng
Veriiled Nuppokinj lie Had.
"Don't they have any tire in this car?"
asked a passenger of a drummer.
"They never do," replied the drum
mer. "How is that?"
"Why, because this is such a slow road
that when a man feels cold he is supposed
to get out and walk along beside the
train for several miles to get his blood in
circulation. " Puck.
X Great Slate.
Several gentlemen from different States
were discussing tho merits of their par
ticular homes.
"Kansas is a great State. We raise
sixty bushels of corn," said a man from
Kansas, "and 200 bushels of potatoes
to the acre."
"But have you Kansas people any
market for your produce?" asked a man
from Connecticut.
" Certainly they have," responded an
envious Texan, "they raise enough grass
hoppers and potato bugs to eat up ten
times the corn and potatoes they can
raise." Siflingt.
Ilia Laxt Song.
This is a story of George D. Prentice,
which I never saw in print and which is
a better illustration of his ready wit, than
anything else he said, I think. The old
Journal office used to be the stamping
ground of many Southern -men, more or
less known, who liked to hear the vet
eran journalist tell a story or warm up a
presumptuous young man for lunch.
Among those who frorjuented tho Journal
office was Will S. Hays, tho song writer.
Coming into Mr. Prentice's office one
day in that free and easy way of his, he
sat down in one chair, with his feet on
another, and jamming his hat on the back
of his head, said, without consulting Mr.
Prentice's leisure :
"Seen my last song, George?"
Mr. Prentice ceased writing, sighed
heavily and looking up sadly and re
proachfully at the young man, said:
"I hope bo, Biliy." Bill Nye, in Free
Pre.
She Laugbetf Too Soon.
A woman stood at the front gate watch"
ing her neighbor's dog coming down the
street with a kettle tied to his tail. It
amused her vastly.
Presently tho owner of the dog scur
ried by in hot pursuit, whereupon the
woman at the gate laughed a gleeful, un
neighborly laugh.
Then a little boy rounded the corner
with a bright, innocent look upon his
face, as who should say: "I am on .
an errand for my dear ma so
don't detain me."
He stopped and said to the woman at
the gate :
" What are you laughin' at?"
She replied with hilarity : "I'm laughin'
at old Bullrag's dog with a kettle tied to
his tail."
" It's awful funny, ain't it?" the little
boy said, as he hurried on. "The ket
tle is yourn."
Then the woman at the gate suddenly
stopped laughing. Philadelphia Call.
Verified.
There was a Granger convention some
where near the liue between Indiana and
Ohio, and, as a matter of course, a little
bragging was done by various farmers as
to what each State produced. Among
those who brugged was Farmer Johnson,
from Miami Reserve, in Ohio, aud who,
by the way, is somewhat notorious for
telling large and wonderful stories. Dur
ing the course of his remarks, ho said :
"There is a farmer living on the Mi
ami Reserve who annually mauufactures
one million pounds of butter, and over
two million pounds of cheese."
This caused great sensation and some
laughter by way of derision, as much as
to say the crowd did not swallow all of
Farmer Johnson's story. He took lire at
once, and appealed to Farmer Jones, of
Ohio, to verify his assertion by giving
the uame of that great butter and cheese
maker as Deaeou Brown.
Farmer Jones slowly arose, and, in a
drawling, farmer-like twang, said:
"I know Deacon Brown makes a srood
deal of butter aud cheese I do not know
the exact number of pounds but this I
do know he runs seventeen saw-mills
with the butter-milk." Carl Pretzel'
Weekly.
Suppoklug- lie Had.
On a Bay City train coming into De
troit the other day was a great big hulk
of a fellow with a voice deep enough to
shake the foundations of a house, and a
disposition to eat somebody up. lie
got into trouble with three or four dif
ferent men in the smoking car, all of
whom left i to avoid trouble. This en
couraged the man iu tho belief that he
could run the whole train, and he was
observing that lie had come down from
the lumber camps to stall the fresh air
and start a graveyard or two, when a
brakeman who had caught on quietly
took a seat beside him.
"Stranger," said the overgrown chap
as he limbered up his arms, "are you
prepared to die?"
The brakeman acknowledged that he
wasn't.
"Say I how would you like to step out
on the platform at the next station aud
stand before rue fur two minits?"
The brakeman rather liked the idea.
"You will, eh? Suyl Jistfeel Vthat!
Then smell of it!"
"Don't rub my nose like that again,
sir!" warned the railroader.
"Whyuol!,'
"Becausa you might get hurt!"
He had scarcely spoken when the big
fist rubbed itself against his nasal organ,
but something more than words followed.
In about a New Jersey second he had the
big man by the throat and jammed iuto
a corner, and there he held him until the
man who wanted to go into the grave
yard business turned the color of a horse
plum, exhibited all the tongue he had,
and made signals that he would even sell
his shirt to bring about an amicable set
tlement of affairs.
"Got enough?" asked the brakeman.
"Y-you betl"
"Will vou feen quiet?"
"Y-yes'l"
With that he was released, and for a
long ten minutes he had nothing to say.
Then a sickly smile crossed his face and
he leaned over to the man in the seat
ahead and whispered:
"He was the man I wanted to step out
before me at the next station."
"Yes."
"Say, stranger," continued the big
passenger as he felt of his neck, and sort
o' licked his chops "supposing ho had!"
How Oysters Are Caught.
Only two ways of catching oysters are
practiced in Maryland, namely, "dredg
ing " and " tonging." Dredges are bags
made of iron rings linked together,
forming meshes similar to those of
an ordnary seine, the mouth being
held open by an iron frame,
from the four corners pf which
project four iron bars converging to a
point at a distance of a few feet from the
mouth; to this point a small chain is
attached, and joined to the chain is a long
rope, which winds around a windlass on
board of the oysttr vessel. Projecting
downward from the bar attached to the
lower edge of the mouth are iron teeth,
which, as the dredge is drawn over the
bottom, scrape up the oysters and guide
them into the bag. Every vessel is
supplied with two dredges and two wind
lasses, the latter so arranged that each is
worked by four men at tho same time.
When the boat reaches dredging ground
the dregdes are thrown overboard and the
vessel continues on her course until it is
supposed that the dredge, which usually
holds two or three bushels, in full, and
then it is hauled up, and its contents,
consisting of oysters, stones, shells, crabs,
fish, etc., are emptied on the deck. If the
vessel has passed across the bar, she tacks
and recrosses the ground, and continues
sailing over the same bar for hours.
If dredging is done in the daytime tho
oysters are at once "culled," but when
working at night it is deferred until
morning. "Culling" consists in separ
ating the oysters from tho other things
brought up by the dredge and throwing
the latter overboard, while the former
are placed in the hold of the vessel. In
this manner the work continues until the
vessel is loaded, when she at once pro
ceeds to market. A trip will generally
take about twelve or thirteen days.
"Tonging" is a method of taking oys
ters extensively practiced. In Maryland
it employs fewer men and less capital
than dredging, but it is probably of
greater value to tho State, as the men em
ployed iu it are of a better class. The
tonging interests of Virginia are far more
extensive than the same interests in
Maryland.
Something of an idea of the "tongs"
may be got by supposing two garden
rakes, with very long handles, with the
tooth sides of the rakes facing each other ;
let the handles be secured by a loose
rivit two or three feet from the teeth, so
that by operating the extreme ends of
the handles the whole contrivance shall
act as a pair of tougs. The instrument
is so constructed that when the tong
handles or "stales" are held perpendicu
lar to the bottom tho teeth are at
an angle of forty-live degrees, and by
working the upper end of the stoles to
gether above the water, at the same time
pressing the teeth against the bottom,
the oysters are raked together and may
be hoisted to the surface aud emptied
into the boat. Wooden-headed are
better than iron-headed tongs, because
they dig into the sand less, and are
easier to work. Tongs are used of from
seven to twenty-four feet in length, and
the latter, worked in twenty-one to
twenty-two feet of water, require not
only considerable skill but a good allow
ance of strength to handle with success.
These tongs are a very ancient contriv
ance in America, for Charlevoix, in the
middle of the seventeenth century, found
them on the coast of Acadia.
Tonging necessitates a very great ex
posure to the cold, but, however, no
more severe than dredging. The injury
to health is so great that few oyster-men
ever reach old age. Nor does oystcr
touging give returns in proportion to the
labor expended. 1 ho element of chance
is a large one. A clear, smooth water
permits the gathering in one day of what
may not bo realized by a week's exertion
in tempestuous weather. On some of
the shoals in the James river it would
be impossible to find a space as large as
a pair of tougs will cover without oysters
on it. tt. Jjoui Ulvlm-Democrat.
A Great Deal in Her.
"I don't se" hmv you can endure that
PlitTy girl, Jack !'' said his sister. "I'm
sure there's nothing in hsr."
"Nothing iu her, indeed! I just wish
you'd been with us to supper after the
theatre to night," and ho dropped a tear
over his buried salary. ixin Franciace
Pout.
Upon the river in front of the city of
Portland, Oregon, recently, a flock of
ducks were seen catching fish. A crowd
of hungry gulls, who could not dive,
were ou the watch, and tho moment a
duck came to tho surface the gulls strove
to steal its fish. In most cases the duck
managed to flip the fish down his throat.
When a gull did get a fish from a duck
all the other gulls chased him and tried
to share in the spoil.
Georgia farmers suffered a loss by dogs
last year of 30,000 sheep.
A SPRINO POEM.
The vine on th cot ) blowing,
The nest is built in the tree,
And the apple limbs are anewlrj j
Their bkoms in the frajn-ant lea.
The bird to his mate U Ringing;,
The lambkin skips on the hill,
ADd the roi-y clover's springing;
Beside the gurtrlinir rill. '
Sir Strephon his love It sighinc,
The cricket begins to chirp,
And the boy In the back yard'atylnr,
The can to the brindled purp.
Above the lnl-e in the hollow
That mirrors a cloudless sky
Is darting the airy swallow,
AkI the purple dragon-fly.
The bumble-bee in the garden
Kuns riot the livelong day,
And Maud in her Dolly Varden
Plucks flowers a'.ong the way.
Sir Strephon his love is sighing,
The cricket begins to chirp.
And the boy in the back yard's tying
The can to the brindled pur.
R, K. Mun.kittri.ck, in Puclr '
HU3I0K OF THE DAT.
Organizers Italians.
Many "heavy swells" float on tho blll
owes of credit. .
Beware of dried apples. They lovo net
wisely but to swell. Chicago tiun.
A prairie farmer reports that a late
wiud-storm lifted about everything froaa
his lands except tho mortgage. Cincin--nati
Commercial-Gazette.
ill aim to tell the truth." "Yes," in
terrupted an acquaintance, "and you ar
probably the worst shot iu America."
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"Father "I never imagined that your
studies would cost me so much money."
Student "Yes, and I don't study much,
either." Flicgende Blatter.
" Laugh, and the world laughs with
you," Miss Wheeler says. Yea, and
slip, and the world laughs at you. At
leant that has been our experience. i?i'
falo Express. ' '
"Will you have a small piece of the
light meat or a small piece of the dark?"
asked Bob's uncle, ns he carved the. tur
key at dinner. "I'll have a large piece
of both," said Bob.
There is a postmaster in Texas who has
been in three wars and has lived under
five governments, says a news item. If
ho has bceu married five times we can't
imagine why he has been in only three
wars. Uoosier,
It may be a little late in the season,
but we waut to give ' our gardening
friends a bruud-new and strictly reliable
method of making a hot bed in a .short
space of time. This is the way : Apply
a lighted match to the straw ticking.
Derrick.
It's a fortunate thing for the male sex
that malaria is prevalent about the time
th:it spring house-cleaning arrives. It
enables a man to pretend that he ia very
sick, to escape the torture of putting
down the carpets. PhiladelpliM CIitoih-cte-Telegram.
Mrs. Mary L. Booth, editor of Htirper't
Bazar, deplores the deficiency woman
suffer in being deprived of pockets. She
does not consider that they have the
plethoric pockets of their fathers, hus- '
bands, brothers and cousins to draw
from. New York World.
" Why do they call it leap-year, pat
Is it because it comes along just about
tho time wheti hops are most prolific?"
" Guess not, child. Most likely it is be
cause it keeps men on the jump to keep
out of the way of embarrassing situa
tions." Yonkert Gazette.
A New York car-driver when he wants
to clear the track sellouts: "Hi, there, hi."
A Chicago driver strikes his bell and
shouts: "Shake 'em up there, will you?"
A Boston driver says: "Deviate from
the direct liue those equine appendages,
accelerate, accelerate, exhilaration, lively
now." Chicago Inter Ocean.
A Marathon amateur who wrote to tho
manager ol tho Madison Square theatre
to know if there was an opening on tha
stage thero for a young actor, received a
reply that there were several openings in
the stage there, and if he would come on
he would drop him through one of them
with pleasure. Marathon Independent.
so it is.
In the spring a young mau'i funcy turns to
yacliu ami kimlred things,
Base ball gam.- his soul eutrauceth, what
cariM he for annuls' waigs I
And tlw maiileu, fair and love.y as au angel,
scarcely less,
Turus bur wit to work, to uajoie bor pa, of
a new dress.
Ktw York Sun.
Arctic Artillery.
Miss II. Maria George, in the St. iVfcAo
las, relates the following original method
employed by the Empress Anna of Rus
sia to guard her great plaything, tha
first ice-pulace ever erected :
"The empress ordered six cannon and
two mortars to be set up on each side of
the front gateway. It makes us shuke
our heads when we read that these can
non and mortars were likewise of ice.
And even her councillors and wise men
said one to another: 'What will our eyes
be asked to see next f" But the empress
laughed, for she knew that so long as the
sun kept to his old path in the heavens,
her palace would be secure. But to prove
to her friends that the work was good,
be bade them place a quarter of a pound
of powder and an iron cannon ball
wcighiug live pounds in one of the ioa
cannon. Every one tremblingly waited
for a terrible explosion, but none came.
The cannon remaiued intact, and the ball
whs thrown, to some distance, passing
through a board two inches thick, placed
about sixty paces off."
The average daily consumption of gun--powder
in the I'uiied btatos is 100 toua.