THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
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VOL. IV1. NO. 51.
TIONESTA. PA.. WEDNESDAY. APRIL 2, 1884.
$1.00 PER ANNUM.
PAYING. THE CHUHCH DEBT.
"Oh! husband, I heard such a eerroon to-day,
Fy dear Mr. SUgginB, who aaid we would pay
I-ieit Sabbath the debt on our church, and,
mid ho, - -
'Whoever subicrnxw Oh I how happy he'll
bo.' ,
" And all may this glorious privilege share
By naming the sum he surely can spare;
You jut sign a slip and you weekly can
pay
Ohl can you imagine an easier way I
" And dear Mr. Stigghis said all can afTord
To give back what only belongs to the Lord,
Who will ropny treble beddes If we should
Junt sacrifice something, we'd feol the more
good."
"Yea, wife, of that privilege all should par
take, A sacrifice for such a cause we must make;
I, being u ls.'lflsh, will let you, I guess,
Feel goxl s we'll wicrittca your new silk
dresj."
"Oh! husband, I couldn't." My six won't
sufllce.
Our pastor meant you would with joy sao-
riflee
A few of your pleasures. I thought you'd be
g'ad
To give up your pipe and your paper to
bad.'' . v.
Xorristown Herald.
. " i
4
ONE YEAR AGO.
i
What stars have faded from our sky,
What hope unfolded but to die?
What dream so fondly pondered o'er
Forever lost the hues they wore!
How like a death knell tad and slow,
Toils through the noul 41 one year ago."
Where Is the face we loved to greet;
The form that graced our fireside seat.
The gentle smile, tho winning way,
That bloasel our life path day by day;
Where fled those accents, soft and low,
'' That thrilled our hearts " one year ago."
Ah! vacant is the fireide chair. t
The smile that won, no longer there;
From door and hall, from porch and bail
The eoho of that voioe is gone;
And we who linger only know ; -How
much we lost "one year ago."
Beside his grave the marble white
Keeps silent guard by day and night?
Serene he sleeps, nor heeds the tread ;
Of footetc'i o'er his lowly bed;
His pulseless breast no more may know
The pangs of life " one year ago."
But why repine? A few more years,
A few more broken sighs and tears,
And we. enlisted with the dead,
Shall follow where his steps have led;
To that far world rejoicing go
To which he passod " one year aso." .
Mr. John M. Conway.
A RAFFLE FOR FREEDOM.
The subjoined account of an incident
alleged to hnve occurred on a Mississippi
steamboat a short time before the war is
from a Germnn sketch of American travel.
I ascended the Mississippi, snjs the writer,
on a steamer, on board of which were
Judge J and General K , of Pennsyl
vania, with both of whom I was slightly
acquainted. "A hard set, these Natchez
men," said the captain, who met us on
the cabin stairs. ''There's some of them
down in the saloon playing a high game.
How men can be such fools, I could never
ace!" "Let's go down and look on
awhile," suggested the judge. In the
saloon wo found four men seatod at a
table, around which a crowd of specta
' tors were gathered. The four were the
'heavy players. " The game was 4 'poker, "
and the money changed hands rapidly.
We had not been looking on long, when
ono of the players, a middle-aged man,
who, I learned, was a cotton planter, bet
his last dollar against the hand of one of
his antagonists. The latter showed four
kings, while he had onlv four queens.
He was "cleaned out," and" rose us though
he were goiag to leave the table. "Are
you broke, colonel?" asked one of the
men. "Dead!" was the laconic reply.
"Never mind; I'll lend you." "No: I
can make a raiso, I reckon. Here, Pomp !"
"Here, luassa!" responded an old negro,
as he emerged from ono corner of the sa
loon. "Bring that girl and her youngster
here that I bought in Natchez. AVait a
few 'minutes, gentlemen, I'll raise some
money." The old negro went on his er
rand, and soon returned with the "girl
and her youngster." The "girl" proved to
be a stately mulatto woman, about thirty
five years old. Her "youngster" was
a flue, intelligent-looking boy, eleven or
twelve years old, whoso complexion
showed him to be much more nearly
allied to the white race than the black.
"Here, gentlemen," said the plunter, as
they entered; "You Bee this girl. and her
boy two as fine niggers as you can find
anywhere. I paid eight hundred dollars
for them yesterday in Natchez. Who
will give me six hundred for them?"
"Will you sell them separate?" asked
someone. "No, can't doit; I promised
not to. The girl swears she'll take her
life if she's separated from her boy, and
her old master said that he was sure she'd
keep her word. But don't you all see
that the girl is worth more money than
I ask for both of them? Come, who'll
give me six hundred for both!" The
planter waited for a reply, and then said :
"Well, I must have some money. Come,
what say you to a raflle thirty chances,
at twenty dollars a chance? Out with
your cin-h, gentlemen. The first on the
list hiA the first throw!" This propo
sition created a decided stir among all
present. The tliree players at the table
led oil by taking three chances each.
Their example was followed by the
spectators, nnd -iwonly chances were
taken as rapidly a the planter could
writo down the names and take the
money. Then there was a blight pause.
Tho planter himsoil now took two
chances, and ho was followed by his
three fellow-players, who each took one
chance more. Finally, three more
chances were taken by the spectators,
when the planter cried out, "Two chances
still, gentlemen! Who will havo them?
General K whispered something in
Judge J 's ear, and then went to the
table and laid two ten-dollar gold pieces
on it. "Name, sir, please." "Never
mind the name. Put it down for the
woman." "Eh what! for the girl her
self?" "Yes, certainly, let's give her a
chance." "All right! One for Ninette.
And now" "Thnt's for tho boy," said
Judge J , quietly, as he laid twenty
dollars on tho table. "Good I bravo!
bravo !" cried tho planter and several of
the bystanders. ' One tor Tommy,
which makes tho thirty. Now, gentle
men, lot's seo whom luck favors." The
dice were brought, and tho throwing be
gan. Each chance entitled the holder to
three throws. Thirty-six was the high
est thrown until the holder of the
eleventh chance threw. He scored forty-
two. Then a less number was thrown,
until No. 21 scored forty-nine. The ex
citement now became intense. Forty
nine was hard to beat; the highest throw
possible being nine sixes fifty-four.
Again and again tho dice rattled in the
box, until it came to No. 29. "Comc,
Ninette; it is your turn nowl"?As the
poor woman came forward, her hands
crossed and pressed convulsively
against her breast, it was truly
painful to witness her agitation. "Won't
tho gentleman who took the chance for
mo please throw I" sho asked, in a low,
tremulous tone. "No; let your boy
throw," replied the gentleman; "per
haps he would have more luck than I."
"Come, Tom," said the planter. Tom
came forward and picked up the box
Tho wouian pressed her lips firmly to
gether, and clasped her hands as if in
firayer. Tho boy trembled iiko an aspen
eaf, but shook the dice, and threw
three. For a moment he stared at the
dice as though he could not believe his
eyes, then he put down the box and
stepped back, pale and dejected. "Come,
Tommy, throw again," urged tho planter.
"It's no use, master; I couldn't throw
forty-nine now." " Very true, but you
have your own chance. Throw that."
" Certainly," said Judgo J . " That
ono was your mother's. Now throw for
yourself on the chance I gave you. Have
a stout heart, my boy, and may heaven
smile on you." Again the boy returned
to tho table, and took up tho box. He
pressed his lips together, and did his
best to control his ticmbling limbs. Not
a sound was to Lo heard in the saloon
but the rattling of the dice. i or a
moment every man seemed to hold his
breath. He threw; " Two fives and a
six sixteen," said the plunter, puttin
down the number, while a murmur
of satisfaction ran through tho crowd
One of tho bystanders gathered up the
dice and put them in the box, and the
boy threw again. "Two sixes and a
hve seventeen." Tho excitement now
knew no bounds, and the " bravos"
resounded on every hand. The boy, as
ho took up the box to throw for the
third and lust time, was as nearly color
less as it was possible for him to bo with
hi yellow skin. Out rolled the dice and
up came three Bixes, which made fifty-one,
"Tommy, my boy, I congratulate you,"
cried the planter, "lou are your own
and your mother's master 1 Fill up the
necessary papers, captain, and I will sign
them. I hese gentlemen will be the wit
nesses." I will not attempt to describe the
scene that followed. In the general
satisfaction, one of tho men in the crowd
proposed a subscription for the freed
negroes. The proposition was received
with such favor that in less than five
minutes fifty dollars were collected.
Twilight Phenomena at the Equator.
Twilight phenomena of a similar char
acter to the appearances lately so preva
lent were, according to letters, observed
in the island of Mauritius. This is es
pecially remarkable as in that island,
situated twenty degrees above the equa
tor, night, as a rule, follows the day
without any noticeable transition. , On
several evenings, however, there was a
splendid glow in the west quite half an
hour after sunset, and when night had
fairly set in this glow soon extended over
the whole sky, lieing reflected on the
clouds and covering tho island with a
purple tint. The sea is described as ap
parently on fire, the vessels and their
masts looking black, and standing out in
bold relief. Tho eaino phenomenon was
observed before sunrise.
A Lady Made a Citizen. j
Mrs. Emily S. Smith, a widow, has
been made a citizen of tho United States
in the municipal court at Milwaukee.
Mrs. Smith was born in England in 1840,
and came to America when eleven years
of age. She has resided in Milwaukeo
for the past twelve or fifteen years. The
lndy went to Dakota last spring ana
took up a homestead near Harold, and in
. . ' a At.
order to acquire a penect uue 10 me
land she was advised to renounce for
ever all allegiance to Queen Victoria and
become a naturalized citizen of the
United States, her husband having neg
lected to take out his second papers.
The clerk of the court says this is the
second instance of the kind during his
incumbency of the office six years.
The Value of the Farms.
The farms of the United States are
worth 110,197,000,000, whilo all other
real estate, including the dwellings and
warehouses of. the city, the capital em
ployed in business and the water power
besides, is but $9,881,000,000; railroads
and their equipments are worth but
5,53, 000,000; and mines including
petroleum wells and cold and silvei
bonanzas and stone and other quarries,
are worth but I7&0.000.000.
AMERICAN NEWSPAPER WIT
A BATCH OP HUMOROUS ST OBITS
raou various sources
A Hew Papa Sufficient Ca ne Wont
Than JTlormonlNiu Swclle Ilcoom.
Ing More Swollen lllluola loetrr.
A NEW rAPA,
Little Pet "Do you know that we are
to have a new papa ?"
Little Jack "No; I dess you is 'eta-
Little Pet "No, i ain't." Nurse said
mamma was goin' to bo married ogaiu
aud that would give us a new papa
Littlo Jack "Who is it!"
"Little Pet "That Mr. Simpkinswho
never brings us any candy."
Littlo Jock "Is ma doia' to mako him
our papa ?"
Little Pet ,4Yc8."
Littlo Jack "Serves 'im right." Phil
adiljhta Call.
SUFFICIENT CAUSff '
One fine morning Adolphus is observed
upon the street deporting himself in a
manner becoming a gentleman of elegant
leisure.
44 1 thought you were selling goods
for Catchem and Clothem," remarked a
fiiend.
44 1 was, but I don't stay there any
more."
44 Why, what's the matter?"
14 They cut down my salary, and I re
fused to remain any longer."
44 How much did they cut down your
salary?"
44 they cut it all down."
WORSE THAN MOBMOIflSM.
" Talk about Mormonism," said Bul
ger; 44 1 don't see what right people have
to howl about it when such things as this
are permitted in Pennsylvania," and tie
pointed his finger to an item in the paper
ne naa in nis hand.
44 What is it?" inquired Sucker.
44 Why here it tells of one man who has
married no less than 1,500 women." ' "
44 Incredible."
" But it is so. His name is Mayes and
he marries a new woman every few days
and yet the authorities don't interfere."
44 Horrible! How docs he evade the
law?" .
44 He doesn't evade it. ne is a justice
of the peace, and his place is a sort of
Gretna Ureen for Ohio and West Yir
ginia runnaway couples."
"Oht" said Sucker, and then went off
muttering something about people being
too smart. bijtingt. " -
SWELLS BECOME MORE SWOLLEN.
He was a fit subject for guying. His
pants were put on in such a way that the
hip pocket was most convenient. His
coat, of ancient cut, had lost one tail, but
two brilliantly polished buttons still
adorned it. Through the holes in his
quasi-Panama hat the cold wind was
playing with his long gray hair. En
tering a broker's office, he said, quietly :
41 "VV on't some of you young gentlemen
help an old soldier?" The boys let out
on him.
"By Jove, donchew know," said one,
"looks as if he'd fallen oil the elevated
tramway."
4 'I say, old chappie," drawled another,
"fa-aucy bra-ndy is the only enemy aw
you've evaw faced," and so on through
the crowd.
The old fellow suddenly straightened
himself up. The memory of days long
passed seemed to rejuvenate him. Draw
ing off a tattered glove from one hand
and a stocking from the other, he" sailed
in. Ono swell went through the glass
partition into tho private oflice, another
smashed the ticker in his flight, a third
tried to hide himself in the tape basket.
As the old chap walked out he pickedup
a pocket-book some one hud dropped,
ana muttered :
"It's funny if a man who fit with An
drew Jackson can't git away with people
who only pcrtend to be British." JVtw
York Journal.
l'OETKY IN ILLINOIS.
"I want to see the poetry editor," said
a young lady, who stepped very briskly
Into the room "the gentleman that puts
all those lovely pieces in the paper every
Saturday. Don't you thiuk they're sweet ?"
The horse reporter nodded acquies
cence in tho saccharine character of the
efforts alluded to.
"I would like to see him personally.'Jyiio mistaking you. How is your father?' "
conunueu uie young lany, - oecausei
would be so nice to talk with him about
Tennyson and Longfellow, aud all those
other dear old things, wouldn't it?"
The personal friend of Maud S. again
inclined his head.
"You don't think he'll be in again this
afternoon, do you? I'd like awfully to
seo him. But perhaps you can help me.
I'm in an awful fix."
"What's the matter?" asked the horse
reporter.
"Why," continued the young lady, "I
livo over on the West Side, and we've
got a literary society, and at the next
meeting I'm down to read a paper on
4Poetry as an Art,' and "
"Is poetry an art?" asked the horse
reporter. "I thought it was an affliction."
"Well, I don't know about that," said
the young lady, "but, anyhow, I've got
to get up this paper, and it occurred to
mo that perhaps one of you editors could
assist me. I want to get some extracts
from the works of our best-known poets
to illustrate what I shall say. Now,
there's Mr. Tennyson, tor instance, he's
written some fine poetry, hasn't he?"
"Yes. Alf has occasionally shot some
pretty fair verses athwart tho literary
horizon. "
"Could you give me a specimen of his
style?" eagerly asked the young lady. "I
never read a line of those big poets in
my life nothing but what the 1'ribuiie
poets write."
We have got some daifies from Daisy-
ville on our staff," said the horse reporter,
"but li you want a few gems from the
old masters I suppose you can have them.
Tennyson's 'May Queen' is one- of hit
most popular poems. Want some of
that?"
"Why, yes. I should think two or
three verses would be just the thing."
"Well," said the horso reporter, "it
goes liko this ;"
44 'Yon must wake and call me early, call me
earlv. mother dear:
To-morrow 11 be the bosj old day for pop and
ginger Deer;
And when they strike the pie, mother, I'll say
my littlo say
For I'm to be Queen of the May, mother, Tm
to be Queen of the May.
" There's many a nifty girl, they say, but
none lava over me:
There's Margaret and Mary, and crow-eyed
l.u.'y JUeo;
But you bet your life I take the cake, and of
biscuit sweep the tray :
So I'm to be Quen of the May. mother, I'm
- to be Queen of the May.'
"Do you think that is enough!" asked
the young lady.
"Oh, yes; those verses will give 'em an
idea of Alf's gait. Variety is what they
want, you know. You ought to have
something from Bryant. His 'Indian
Girl's Lament' is pretty well thought of."
"Is it? I'm sure I don't know. I shall
leave it all to you."
"Well, I can give you a chunk of it."
"Do, if you please."
"This is the way it starts:"
44 4An Indian girl was sitting where
Her lover, WalkingFlea-Patcb, lay;
Beside her stood a spavined horse
That sadly chewed some musty hay.
Upon a stump herself she flung,
And then this simple lay she sung:
" I've p'aced the bottle at your head,
Oh Walking-Flea-Patch, so that when
You strike the town and paint it red
You will not miss your Laughing-Hen,
Who, sitting in the wigwam will
j Adore her noble warrior stlU."
4Now, you . see," 6aid the horse re
porter, 4 'those selections cover the child
ish glee and loving trustfulness rackets.
What you want to finish with is some
thing pathetic something that will mako
the young women snifllc. Hood's 'Song
of the bhirt' ought to do that nicely.
Suppose we sling 'em a few lines of that."
"Very well," said the young lady.
"You know I dopend wholly on your
judgment in this matter."
y 44 Well, here it is:"
14 TVith fingers weary and worn,
In a hue five-room fiat,
A woman M with eyelids red
f Trying to trim a hat.
Rip. turn, twist,
Then give it a spiteful flirt,
While beside her lies like a gh-jstlv thin
Her huibanu s uuttoniess shirt.
Oh. girls with brother dear !
Oh, gir.'s who hope to be wives I
Remember that shirts with buttons are
The dream of men's hard Uvea 1
Rip, turn, twist.
Till your bands are weary and worn
But the wind will sweep with a wailing sigh
Through the panta that are ever torn."'
"You're very kind," said the young
lady, going.
"Don t mention it. Come in ngain
when you think we are all out." Chica
go Tribune.
The Fremont Family.
A New York letter says of John
Fremont and his fumily :
The residenco of tho Frcmonts is a
modest white house, perched high on the
inside of the broad road that winds
through trees along tho New Brighton
beach, and its front windows command
a wide reach of the New York bay and
the estuary of the Kill von Kull. 1 hero
are two sons and a daughter in the house
of Fremont. The eldest son, John
Charles, or "Jack," as he is familiarly
called at home, lives, with his handsome
wife and two sturdy boys, up the llud
son. He is in the navy, and his duties
are connected with the arrival and dc
parture of ships in this harbor. His
younger brother, Frank, is a lieutenant
in the army, stationed up in Montana
Territory, whither he has taken the young
wife he recently captured in New lork
a daughter of John D. Townsend, the
lawyer. Both of the boys closely resent
bio their father. "When Frank weut
West," said Mrs. Fremont, "I suggested
that he stop and call on General hibley,
in Minnesota, who had never seen him.
He did it; called in citizen's dress, and
said: 't"eral Sibley, who am 1?' 'You
are a FiWiwnt,' said the general; there's
Tie sons are both tall, lilack-IwureU,
black-eyed, and "bearded like u pard,"
and they both, like their sisters, show
strains of their Gallic blood the influ
ence of their grandfather, the poor,
scholarly French gentleman who came to
V lrgimu at the beginning of the century
and found their grandmother in her
teens. Mrs. Fremont, that "Jessie Ben
ton." the mention of whoso name notable
in the campaign of 1850 always evoked a
cheer, holds her own remarkably well
It doesn't seem possiblo that sho could
have made her famous runaway match
nearly forty-three years ago. bhe was a
handsome blonde when she ran awav
from the headquarters of "Old Bullion,"
in Washington, and joined the fortunes
of the young explorer; now her hair is
as white as snow, but she shows few in
dications of ageing, aud talks as brilliantly
as ever,
Color Blindness.
Little Nell "Mamma, what is colo:
blind?"
Mamma "Inability to tell ono color
from another, dear."
Tittie JSeii "I hen I dess the man
that made ray g'ography is color blind.'
Mamma "And why, pet?"
Little Nell" Tause he's got Green
land painted yellow."
44 A chip of the old block" The tuiHs
iug arm of the Venus da Milo.
SELECT SIFTINGS.
A grain ct strvchnine wIH "embitter
600,000 grains of water.
In winding up the clock in the tower
of Trinity church, New York city, the
crank or handlo has to be turned round
850 times
A naintinir of the Lord's Runner mide
by a French artist of the revolutionary
criod represents the table as ornamented
y a tumbler filled with cigar lighters.
The name of Agate is derived from
the river Achates, in Sicily, near which
these stones were found in abundance by
the ancients. They are now found in
Scotland, Saxony, end Hungary, and are
also brought from China and the East
Indies.
The thimble was originally called
"thumb-bell," because it was worn on
the thumb, as sailors still wear their
thimbles. Though first made in Eng
land, in 1095, thimbles appear to have
been; known to the Romans, as some
were found at Herculancum.
From the army and navy diet scales of
France and England, which, of courap,
are based upon the recognized necessitfts
of largo numbers of men in active life, it
is inferred that about two and one-fourth
pounds avoirdupois of dry food per day
are required for each individual. Of
this amount three-fourths are vegetable
and the rest animal. At the close of an
entire year the amount is upward of 800
pounds.
The Norwegian shoe, or skee runner,
Is used in Colorado for long journeys
over glassy snow, r when going up or
down a steep mountain. Every ono has
a pair of those ungainly shoes men,
women and children. Those who have
mastered tho art of snowshoeing can go
very rapidly on them. There is a Nor
wegian there who 13 willing to wager
that he can travel htty miles across the
country in ten hours, but that is much
faster than the majority of skee runners.
In this country a city is a municipality,
having a local government and a mayor
as an executive; a town is a municipality
comprising ono or more villages. In
England, however, a city is usually a
corporate town, which is a bishop's see,
and has a cathedral church; a town is an
assemblage of houses, usually having a
market, or a subdivision of a county. In
early times the word town was applied
only to such a collection of buildings as
was surrounded by a wall. A village is
the some in England as in this country,
' The larvae of butterflies and moths
are called caterpillars; those of beetles,
grubs ; those of flies, maggots, and those
of mosquitoes, wigglers. ine term
larva, pupa and imago are relative only.
Whilo the grub and caterpillar are quite
different from the pupa, the bee state is
reached- by a very gradual change or
form, so that it is difficult to say where
the pupa ends and tho imago ends. In
fact, a large number of insects reach ma
turity through an indefinite number of
6light changes. The humble-bee molts
at least ten times before arriving at the
winged state. -
WISE WORDS.
Bo deaf to the quarrelsome and dumb
to the inquisitive.
Do not be too generous with your
temper. Keep it.
Contacts with the world either breaks
or hardens the heart.
The world is a comedy to those who
think, a tragedy to those who feel.
Great things are not accomplished by
idle dreams but by years of patient
study.
A thorough scholar carries a key with
which to unlock every door in the man
sion of knowledge.
Tho mistakes of women result almost
always from her faith in the good and
her confidence in truth.
Experience shows that success is due
less to ability than to zeal. The winner
is he who gives himself to his work,
body and soul.
To tell our own secrets is generally
folly, but that folly is without guilt; to
communicate those with which we aro
intrusted is always treachery, and treach
ery for the most part combined with
folly.
True repentance consists in the heart
being broken for sin and broken from
sin. Some often repent, yet never re
form; they resemble a mun traveling in
a dangerous path, who frequently sturts
and stops, but never turns uside.
Italian Air Made to Order.
A very remarkable discovery is report
ed on the authority of a fellow of the
ltoyal Meteorological society, to which
the attention both of the faculty and of
the society cannot be too speedily direct
ed. Dr. Carter Moffat, cousin of the late
Dr. Hubert Moffat, claims to have in
vented, after nine years' study, an instru
ment known as the aminoniaphone, which
contains an absorbent material saturated
with peroxide of hydrogen combined with
condensed ammonia aud other ingredi
ents, through which a current of air is
drawn into tho lungs. This is said to be
in reality a highly concentrated artificial
Italianized air, in an extremely portable
condition. Dr. C'urter Moffat's voice was
originally very weak, harsh, and destitute
of intonation. By the use of the ammo
niaphonc it has now become a pure tenor
of extraordinary range, lie noticed that
after experimenting ou himself for only
fourteen days an expansion of the chest
took place lu the extent of over half an
inch, with a feeling of increused lung
space and powerof voice, which has since
been maintained. Experiments have been
made upon choirs in Scotland, with ex
traordinary results. As there re a good
many choirs in England, to say nothing
of the opera companies, which stand in
great need of improvement, the ammonia
phone is certain to he in grout demand.
J'uU Mull UttutU.
HOPE'S EONO.
The golden dreams of youth
Assume a gutee of truth
Which age keepj never,
For Hope's voice aingeth ever.
"Oh, youth and strong endeavor.
Can win the highest good forever."
Love's subtle intuition
Divines life's clad fruition,
Distrusting never;
And sweetly Hope sings ever
"True love and sweet endeavor
Shall hold the highest good forever.
Love's sacred tryst is broken,
Heartbreaking words are spokoi
Her bonds to sever;
But still Hope singeth ever,
"Brave heart and strong endeavor
Must find the highest good forever."
Pale hands are crossed in death;
Gone is the quivering breath;
And still a low voloe never
Estops echoing, echoing ever.
"Brave heart and strong endeaTor
Have won the highest good forever."
Helm M.. Winslow.
HUMOR Of THE DAY.
"Women generally are clothes obserr
era.
It seems strange that no matter how
much gold a man may steal he is only
sent to the penitentiary for tho guilt.-
Sifting. i '
A Somerville young lady is said to pos
sess a mania for starting fires. She will
get over that when 6he is married. Pftii
addphia Call.
A little girl in church, after the con
tribution box had. passed, complacently
said: 4 'I paid for four, mamma. Was
that rightV-Anontnwu.
"But," said the' serenaded man, "1
must go out and make a speech. Some
thing must be done to stop the playing
of that band." Jhtton Pod.
An exchange says that Noah was the
first pitcher on record. He "pitched th
ark within and without." The game
was finally called on account of the rain. -
An Indiana jail-bird recently scraped
off the back of a mirror and swallowed
it. It was a cold day for him when the
mercury twent down. Burlington Fret
Press.
When you see a policeman heading
cow for the pound it's n6 use to tell him
that there are 15,000,000 cows in the
United States. He doesn't want but the
one. Detroit Free Press. '
A writer in the New York Sun con
tends that the goose is an older bird than
the American eagle.' Our experience
leads to the belief that it is a good deal
tougher. Troy Times.
The United States has 16.24 medical
practitioners to every 10,000 of popula
tion. And yet it is quite a common
thing for an American to live to a com
paratively ripe age. Boston Transcript.
"I Climb to rest," is the name of
Lucy Larcom's latest poem. Whence the
inference that her poetry does not pay
enough to permit Miss Larcom to room
on the parlor floor. Hochester Express.
"Well, sir," said Farmer Furrow to a
friend, "I was never so insulted in my
life. Why, I was down in Washington
lust week and one fellow had the impu
dence to ask me if I wasn't a Congress
man. New York Journal.
It is not so strange that the annexation
of Canada to the "United States is not
strongly advocated by men in positions
of public trust. They kind of like to
think that in case anything happens
Canada is a foreign country. LinceU
Citizen.
"What influence has the moon upon
the tide?" asked the professor. The
class wag replied that he didn't know
exactly wha-. influence it had upon the
tied, but that it had a tendency to make
tho untied awful spoony. BurlingUtn
Free Press.
"Who is the first lady in the land?"
nervously inquires a contemporary. When
you come to Philadelphia, if you will
slick yourself up a little and comb the
burrs out of your hair we will take you
up to the house and introduce you to her.
Philadelphia Call.
"Was Early Man a Savage?'" asks a
magazine writer, That depends. If the
early man was dressed to catch the 4 A.
m. train, and his collar button fell be
hind the bureau, tho probabilities are
that he was as savage as they make 'cm.
KurrUtouin Ilcrald.
A neat story of the late Baron Roths
child is told in the French papers. He
was very busy one morning, when the
Vicomte de L. P. was admitted into
his office. The baron, absorbed in his
reading, said without lifting his head:
"I am at your orders, sir; take a chair."
44 Pardon me," was the answer, "lam
the Vicomte do L. P." "Ah," said the
baron, not looking up, "take two chairs,
then."
A certain member of the Detroit fnu
nicipal government is the possessor of a
splendid growth of beard and long,
drooping mustaches. Recently he dined
away from home, and at the table sat one
of those infants you have all read about.
After stariug for some time in open as
tonishment at tho guest, the interesting
youth roared out at tho top of his voice :
"Ma! ma! he has got a mouth; I saw
him put a cracker in it!" Bttivit Jour
nal. Maid of Texas, ere I go,
Tell rne if your clock is slow;
For I have a train t catch,
And must quickly raise the lutch.
re I dart into the niht,
Ttjll me, is your timepiece rinht f
Hark I I hear the bull dog's bark.
And the night is cold amldtu k.
Maid of Texm 1 must git,
"Y er, before I rise and Bit,
Tell uie, maiden, tell we true,
Sv hat nmuhor w your iap sh"ei .'