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VOL. IV1. NO. 51.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2, 1884.
$1.00 PER ANNUM.
PAYING THE CHURCH DEBT.
"Oh! liUHbnnd, I heard such a inrraon to-dav,
By dear Mr. St Igplns, who said we would pay
Kcit Babbath the debt on our church, aud,
Mild he,
Whoever sulernos Ohl how happy he'll
bis.'
" And oil may this glorious privilege share
By naming the sum ho surely can spare;
You just sign a slip and you weekly can
pay
Obi can you Imagine an easier way f
"And dear Mr. Rtiggins said nil can afford
To give back what only belongs to the Lord,
Who will rrpny treblo beddoj If wo should
Just sacriflco something, we'd feol the more
good."
"Yes, wife, of that privilege all should par
take, A saerilico far Mich a cause we must make;
I, being u is 'III ill, will let you, I guess,
Feel go kI si we'll tacrillea your new silk
dres.."
"Ohl husband, I couldn't." My six won't
Sufllee.
Our pastor meant you would with joy sac
rifice A few of your pleasures. I thought you'd be
gad
To give up your pipe and your paper so
bad.'' .
Xorristown Herald.
ONE YEAR AGO. '
What stars have faded from our sky, '
What hooii unfolded but to diof
What ditam so fondly pondorod o'er
Forever lost tho hues they worel
How like a death knell tad ami slow,
Toils through the soul "one year ago,"
Where is tho face we loved to greet;
The form that graced our fireside seat.
The gentle sinilo, tho winning way,
That b!es-el our life p:ith day by day; '
Where fled those accents, soft and low,
That thrilled our hearts V one year ago."
Ah! vacant is the fireiide chair, i
The smile that won, no longer there;
From door and hall, from porch and had
The echo of that voioo is gone;
And we who linger only know
How much we lost "one year ago."
Beside his grave the marble white
Keeps silent guard by day aud night?
Serene he slwps, nor heeds the tread ;
Of footfteiis o'or his lowly bed;
His pulseless breast no more may know
The paugs of life "ono year ago."
But why repine? A few more years,
A few more broken sighs and tears,
And we. enlisted with the dead,
Bhull follow where his steps have led;
To that far world rejoicing go
To which he iassod " one year aso."
Mrs. John M. Conway.
A RAFFLE FOR FREEDOM.
The subjoined account of an incident
alleged to have occurred on a Mississippi
steamboat a short lime before the war is
from a German sketch of American travel.
I ascended the Mississippi, says the writer,
on a steamer, on board of which were
Judge J and General K , of Pennsyl
vania, with both of whom I was slightly
acquainted. "A hard set, these Natchez
men," said tho captain, who met us on
tho cnbin stairs. "There's some of them
down in the saloon playing a high game.
How men can be such fools, I could never
eeel" '"Let's go down nnd look on
awhile," suggested tho judge. In the
saloon wo found four men seated at a
table, around which a crowd of specta
tors were gathered. Tho four were the
'heavy players." The game was "poker,"
nnd the money changed hands rapidly.
We had not been looking on long, when
ono of the players, a middle-aged man,
who, I learned, was a cotton planter, bet
his lost dollar against the hand of one of
his antagonists. Tho latter showed four
kings, w hile he had only four queens.
He was "cleaned out," una rose as though
he were going to leave tho table. "Are
you broke, colonel 2" asked one of the
men. "Dead 1" was the laconic reply.
"Never mind; I'll lend you." "No: I
can make a raise, I reckon. Here, Pomp !"
"Here, massa!" responded an old negro,
as he emerged from one corner of the sa
loon. "Bring that girl and her youngster
here that I bought in Natchez. Wuit a
few 'minutes, gentlemen, I'll raise some
money." The old negro went on his er
rand, nnd soon returned with tho "girl
and her youngster." The "girl" proved to
be a stately mulatto woman, about thirty
five years old. Her "youngster" was
a fine, intelligent-looking boy, eleven or
twelve years old, whose complexion
showed him to bo much more nearly
allied to the white race than the black.
"Here, gentlemen," said the planter, as
they entered; "You sec this girl and her
boy two as fine niggers as you can find
anywhere. I paid eight hundred dollars
for them yesterday in Natchez. Who
will give me six hundred for them?"
"Will you sell them separate?" asked
some one. "No, can't do it; I promised
not to. Tho girl swears she'll take her
life if she's separated from her boy, and
her old master said that he was sure she'd
keep her word. Hut don't yon all 6ee
that the girl is worth more money than
I ask for both of them? Come, who'll
give me six hundred for both?" The
planter waited for a reply, and then said :
"Well, I must have somo money. Come,
what say you to a raffle thirty chances,
at twenty dollars a chance? Out with
your ci'ih, gentlemen. The first on the
list hi the first throw!" This propo
sition created a decided stir among all
present. The three players at tho table
led off by taking three chances each.
Their example was followed by the
spectators, nnd 4wen(y chances were
taken ns rapidly as the planter could
write down the names and take the
money. Then there was u slight pause.
Tho planter hlmsoif now took two
chances, and ho was followed by his
three fellow-players, who each took one
chance more. Finally, three more
chances, were taken by tho spectators,
when the planter cried out, "Two chances
still, gentlemen? Who will havo them?
General K whispered something in
Judge J 's car, and then went to the
table, and laid two ten-dollar gold pieces
on it. "Name, sir, please." "Never
mind the namo. Put it down for the
woman." "Eh what! for tho girl her
self?" "Yes, certainly, let's give her a
chance." "Allrightl Ono for Ninette.
And now" "That's for the boy," said
Judge J , quietly, as ho laid twenty
dollars on tho table. "Good I bravol
bravo!" cried tho planter nnd several of
the bystanders. ' One tor Tommy,
which makes the thirty. Now, gentle
men, let's see whom luck favors." The
dice wero brought, and tho throwing be
gan. Each chance entitled tho holder to
three throws. Thirty-six was the high
est thrown until tho holder of the
eleventh chance threw. Ho scored forty
two. Then a less number was thrown,
until No. 21 scored forty-nine. The ex
citement now becamo intense Forty
nine was hard to beat; tho highest throw
possible being nino sixes fifty-four.
Again and again tho dico rattled in tho
box, until it camo to No. 29. -"Come,
Ninette; it is your turn nowl"?As tho
poor womnn came forward, her hands
crossed nnd pressed convulsively
against her breast, it was truly
painful to witness her agitation. "Won't
tho gentleman who took the chance for
me pleuso throw ?" sho asked, in a low,
tremulous tone. "No; let your boy
throw," replied the gentleman; "per
haps he would have more luck than I."
"Come, Tom," said the planter. Tom
came forward and picked up the box
Tho woman pressed her lips firmly to
gether, nnd clasped her hands as if in
prayer. Tho boy trembled like an aspen
leaf, but shook tho dice, and threw
three. For a moment ho stared at the
dico as though ho could not believe his
eyes, then ho put down the box and
stepped back, pale and dejected. "Come,
Tommy, throw again," urged tho planter.
"It's no use, master; I couldn't throw
forty-nine now." " Very true, but you
have your own chanco. Throw that."
" Certainly," said Judge J . " That
ono was your mother's. Now throw for
yourself on the chance I gave you. Have
a stout heart, my boy, and may heaven
smile on you." Again the boy returned
to tho table, and took up the box. He
pressed his lips together, aud did his
best to control his trembling limbs. Not
a sound was to bo heard in the saloon
but tho rattling of tho dice. For a
moment every man seemed to hold his
breath. He threw. " Two fives nnd a
six sixteen," said the planter, putting
down the number, while a murmur
of satisfaction ran through tho crowd.
One of tho bystanders gathered up the
dice nnd put them in the box, and the
boy threw again. "Two sixes and a
five seventeen." The excitement now
knew no bounds, and the " bravos"
resounded on every hand. Tho boy, as
ho took up tho box to throw for tho
third and last time, was ns nearly color
less as it was possible for him to be with
hi3 yellow skin. Out rolled the dice nnd
up came three sixes, which made fifty-one.
"Tommy, my boy, I congratulate you,"
cried tho plauter. " You ure your own
and your mother's master! Fill up the
necessary papers, captain, and I will sign
them. These gentlemen will be the wit
nesses." I will not attempt to describe tho
scene that followed. In the general
satisfaction, one of tho men in the crowd
proposed a subscription for the freed
negroes. The proposition was received
with such favor that in less than five
minutes fifty dollars were collected.
Twilight Phenomena at the Equator.
Twilight phenomena of a similar char
acter to the appearances lately so preva
lent were, according to letters, observed
in tho islund of Mauritius. This is es
pecially remarkable as in that island,
situated twenty degrees above the equa
tor, night, as a rule, follows the day
without any noticeable transition. On
several evenings, however, there was a
splendid glow in the west quite half an
hour after sunset, and when night had
fairly set in this glow soon extended over
tho whole sky, being reflected on the
clouds und covering tho island with a
purple tint. The sea is described as ap
parently on fire, the vessels aud their
masts looking black, and standing out in
bold relief. Tho same phenomenon was
observed before sunrise.
A Lady Made a Citizen. jj
Mm Fmilv R. Smith, a widow, hns
been made a citizen of tho United States
in tho municipal court at Milwaukee.
Mrs. Smith was born in England in 14U,
and came to America when eleven years
of age. She has resided in Milwaukee
for tho past twelve or fifteen years. The
lady went to Dakota last spring ana
tooK up a nomesteaa near iiaroia, ana in
order to acquire a perfect title to the
bind she was advised to renounce for
ever all allegiance to Queen Victoria and
become a naturalized citizen oi tne
United States, her husband having neg
Wtod tn tiik-fi nut. bis second lianera.
The clerk of the court says this is the
second instance of the Kind during nis
incumbency of the office six years.
The Value of the Farms.
The farms of the United States are
worth 110,197,000,000, while all other
real estate, including the dwellings and
warehouses of . the city, the capital em
ployed in business and the water power
besides, is but $9,881,000,000; railroads
and their equipments are worth but
$5,538,000,000; and mines including
petroleum wells and cold and silvei
bonanzas aud stone and other quarries,
are worth but 1780,000,000.
AMERICAN NEWSPAPER WIT
A BATCH OF HUMOROUS ST0RIE3
r&OM VARIOUS SOURCES
A Hw Papa Sufficient Caiie-Wor
'linn iTIrm.ili Kwcllo Heroin
lug Mare Swollen Illluoln I'oclry.
A NEW TAPA.
Littlo Pet "Do you know that we are
to have a new papa ?"
Little Jack "No; I dess you is 'sta
hr' Little Pet ".No, i nin't. Nurse said
mamma was goiu' to bo married again
aud that would give us a new papa
Littlo Jack "Who is it ?"
"Little Pet "Thnt Mr. Simpkinswho
never brings us any candy."
Little Jack "Is ma doin' to make him
our papa ?"
Little Pet "Yes."
Littlo Jack "Serves 'im right." Phil
acUlphia Call.
SUFFICIENT CAUSA
One fino morning Adolphus is observed
upon the street deporting himself in a
manner becoming a gentleman of elegant
leisure.
"I thought you wero selling goods
for Catchem and Clothcm," remarked a
friend.
"I was, but I don't stay there any
more."
" Why, what's the matter?"
" They cut down my salary, and I re
fused to remain any longer."
"How much did they cut down your
salary?"
"h, they cut it all down."
WORSE THAN MOUMONISM.
Talk about Mormonism," said Bul
ger; " I don't see what right people have
to howl about it when such things nsthis
are permitted in Pennsylvania," and 'he
Eointed his finger to an item in the paper
o had in his hand.
" What is it?" inquired Sucker.
' Why here it tells of one man who has
married no less than 1,500 women." "
"Incredible."
" Hut it is so. His name is Mayes and
he marries a new woman every few days
and yet tho authorities don't interfere."
"Horrible! How docs he evade the
law?"
" He doesn't evade it. He is a justice
of the peace, and his place is a sort of
Gretna Green for Ohio and West Vir
ginia runnaway couples."
"Ohl" said Sucker, and then went off
muttering something about people being
too smart. aijtings.
SWELLS BECOME MORE SWOLLEN.
He was a fit subject for guying. His
Cants were put on in such a way that the
ip pocket was most convenient. His
coat, of ancient cut, had lost one tail, but
two brilliantly polished buttons still
adorned it. Through tne holes in his
quusi-Punama hat the cold wind was
playing with his long gray hair. En
tering a broker's oflice, he said, quietly :
"Wron't some of you young gentlemen
help an old soldier?" The boys let out
on him.
"By Jove, donchew know," said one,
"looks as if he'd fallen oil the elevated
tramway."
"I say, old chappie," drawled another,
"fa-nncy bra-ndy is tho only enemy aw
you've evaw faced," and so on through
the crowd.
Tho old fellow suddenly straightened
himself up. The memory of days long
passed seemed to rejuvenate him. Draw
ing otl a tattered glove from one hand
and a stocking from the other, he sailed
in. One swell went through the glass
partition into the private otlice, another
smashed the ticker in his flight, a third
tried to hide himself in the tape basket.
As the old chap walked out he picked up
a pocket-book some ono had dropped,
and muttered:
"It's funny if a man who fit with An
drew Jackson can't git away with people
who only pertend to be British." Seto
York Journal.
POETRY IX ILLINOIS.
"I want to see the poetry editor," said
a young lady, who stepped very briskly
Into the room "the gentleman that puts
all those lovely pieces in the paper every
Saturday. Don't you think they're sweet f"
The horse reporter nodded acquies
cence in tho saccharine character of the
efforts alluded to.
"I would like to see him personally,"
continued tho young lady, "because it
would be so nice to talk with him about
Tennyson nnd Longfellow, aud all those
other dear old things, wouldn't it?"
The personal friend of Maud S. again
inclined his head.
"You don't think he'll be in again this
afternoon, do you? I'd like awfully to
see him. But perhaps you can help me.
I'm in an awful fix."
"What's the matter?" usked the horse
reporter.
"Why," continued the young lady, "I
live over ou the West Side, and we'e
got a literary society, and at the next
meeting I'm down to read a paper on
'Poetry as an Art,' and "
"Is poetry an art?" asked the horse
reporter. "I thought it was an uflliction."
"Well, I don't know about that," said
the young lady, "but, anyhow, I've got
to get up this paper, and it occurred to
me that perhaps one of you editors could
assist me. I want to get some extracts
from the worka of our best-know n poets
to illustrate what I shall say. Now,
there's Mr. Tennyson, lor instance, he's
written some tine poetry, hasn't he?"
'"Yes. Alf has occasionally shot some
iiretty fair verses athwart tho literary
lorizon."
"Could you give mo a specimen of his
style?" eagerly asked the young lady. "I
never read a line of those big poets in
my life nothing but what the Tribune
poets write."
W have got some dailies from Daisy-
ville on our staff," said tho horse reporter,
"but if you want a few gems from tho
old masters I suppose you can havo them.
Tennyson's 'May Queen' is ono of his
most popular poem. Want some of
that?"
"Why, yes. I should think two or
three verses would be just tho thing."
"Well," said the horso reporter, "it
goes like this:"
" 'You must wake and call me early, call ma
early, mother deir;
To-morrow 11 be the boss old day for pop and
ginger beer;
And when they strike the pie, mother, I'll say
my litt.lw say
For I'm to be Queen of the May, mother, I'm
to be Queen of the M-.y.
" There's many a nifty girl, they say, but
none lays over me;
There's Margaret and Mary, and cross-eyed
Lucy Lee;
But you bet your life I take the cake, and of
bircuit sweep the tray.
So I'm to be Qu-'en of tho May. mother, I'm
to be Queen of the May.' '
"Do you think that is enough!" asked
the young lady.
"Oh, yes; those verses will give 'em an
idea of Alf's gait. Variety is what they
want, you know. You ought to have
something from Bryant. His 'Indian
Girl's Lament' is pretty well thought of."
"Is it? I'm sure I don't know. I shall
leavo it all to you."
"Well, I can give you a chunk of it."
"Do, if you please."
"This is the way it starts:"
" 'An Indian girl was sitting where
Her lover, Walking-Flea-Fatch, lay;
Beside her stood a spavined horse
That sadly chewed some musty hay.
Upon a stump herself she flung,
Aud then this simple lay she sung:
I've p'aced the bottle at your head,
Oh ttalking-Flea-l'atch, so that when
You strike the town and paint it red
You will not miss your Laughing-Hen,
Who, sitting in the wigwam will
j Adore her noble waiTior still."
'Now, you see," said tho horso re
porter, "those selections cover the child
ish glee and loving trustfulness rackets.
What you want to finish with is some
thing pathetic something that will make
the young women 6nilllc. Hood's 'Song
of the Shirt' ought to do that nicely.
Suppose we sling 'em a few lines of that."
"Very well," said the young lady.
"You know I depend wholly on your
judgmont in this matter."
v "Well, here it is:"
' 'With fingers weary and worn,
In a Utlo five-room Hat,
A woman rat with eyelids red
f Trying to trim a hat.
Rip. turn, twist.
Then give it a spiteful flirt,
While beside her lies like a gh wtlv thinj
Her hut band s buttonless shirt.
Oh. girls with brothers dear !
Oh, girls who hope to be wives 1
Remember that shirts with buttons are
The dream of men's hard lives I
Rip, turn, twist.
Till your hands are weary and worn
But the wind will sweep with a wailing sigh
Through the pants that are ever torn.'"
"You're very kind," said the young
lady, going.
"Don't mention it. Come in again
when you think we are all out." Chica
go I'rihune.
The Fremont Family.
A New York letter says of John C
Fremont and his family :
The residence of the Fremonts is a
modest white house, perched high on the
insido of the broad road that winds
through trees along the New Brighton
beach, and its front windows command
n wide reach of tho New York bay and
the estuary of the Kill von Kull. There
are two sons and a daughter in tho house
of Fremont. Tho eldest son, John
Charles, or "Jack," as he is familiarly
called at home, lives, with his handsome
wife and two sturdy boys, up the Hud
son. He is in the navy, and his duties
are connected with the arrival and de
parture of ships in this harbor. His
younger brother, Frank, is a lieutenant
in the army, stationed up in Montana
Territory, whither he has taken the young
wife he recently captured in New York
a daughter of John D. Townsend, the
lawyer. Both of the boys closely resem
ble their father. "When Irauk went
West," said Mrs. Fremont, "I suggested
that he stop and call on General Sibley,
in Minnesota, who had never seen him.
He did it; called in citizen's dress, and
said: 'General Sibley, who am 1?' 'You
are a Fremont,' said the general; there's
no mistaking you. How is your father?' "
The sons are both tall, black-haired,
black-eyed, and "bearded like a pard,"
and they both, like their sifters, show
strains of their Gallic blood the influ
ence of their grandfather, the poor,
scholarly French gentleman who came to
Virginia at the beginning of the century
and found their grandmother in her
teens. Mrs. Fremont, that "Jessie Ben
ton," the mention of whoso name notable
in the campaign of 185(5 always evoked a
cheer, holds her own remarkably well.
It doesn't seem possible that sho could
have made her famous runaway match
nearly forty-three years ago. She was a
handsome blonde when she ran away
from the headquarters of "Old Bullion,"
in Washington, and joined the fortunes
of tho young explorer; now her hair is
as while as snow, but she shows few in
dications of ageing,and talks as brilliantly
as ever.
Color Blindness.
Little Nell "Mamma, what is color
blind?"
Mamma "Inability to tell ono color
from another, dear."
Little Nell "Then I dess the man
that made my g'ography is color blind."
Mamma "And why, pet?"
Little Nell" Tause he's got Green
land painted yellow."
"A chip of the old block" The miss
ing arm vl the Venus de Milo.
SELECT SIFTINCS.
A gTaln ct strvebnine wIH "embitter
600,000 grains of water.
In winding up tho clock in tho tower
of Trinity church, New York city, the
crank or handle has to bo turned round
850 times
A painting of tho Lord's Supper m ide
by a French artist of the revolutionary
period represents the table as ornamented
by a tumbler filled with cigar lighters.
The name of Agato is derived from
the river Achates, in Sicily, near which
these stones were found in abundance by
Ihe ancients. They are now found in
Scotland, Saxony, End Hungary, and are
also brought from China and the East
Indies.
Tho thimble was originally called
"thumb-bell," because it was worn on
the thumb, as sailors still wear their
thimbles. Though first made in Eng
land, in 1095, thimbles appear to have
been known to the Romans, ns some
were found nt Herculnneum.
From the army nnd navy diet scales of
France nnd England, which, of course,
are based upon the recognized necessities
of large numbers of men in active life, it
is inferred that about two nnd one-fourth
pounds avoirdupois of dry food per day
are required for each individual. Of
this amount three-fourths aro vegetable
and tho rest animal. At tho close of an
entire year the amount is upward of 800
pounds.
Tho Norwegian shoe, or skee runner,
is used in Colorado for long journeys
over glassy snow, r when going up or
down a steep mountain. Every one has
a pair of thoso ungainly shoes men,
women nnd children. Those who have
mastered the art of snowshoeing can go
very rapidly on them. There is a Nor
wegian there who i3 willing to wager
that he can travel fifty miles across tho
country in ten hours, but that is much
faster than the majority of skee runners.
In this country a city is a municipality,
having a local government nnd a mayor
as an executive; a town is a municipality
comprising one or more villages. In
England, however, a city is usually a
corporate town, which is a bishop's see,
and has a cathedral church; a town is an
assemblage of houses, usually having a
market, or a subdivision of a county. In
early times the word town was applied
only to such a collection of buildings as
was surrounded by a wall. A village is
the same in England as in this country.
' Tho larvae of butterflies and moths
are called caterpillars; those of beetles,
grubs ; those of flies, maggots, and those
of mosquitoes, wigglers. The term
larva, pupa and imago are relative only.
AVhilo tho grub and caterpillar are quite
different from the pupa, the bee state is
reached by a very gradual change of
form, so that it is dinicult to say where
the pupa ends and the imago ends. In
fact, a largo number of insects reach ma
turity through an indefinite number of
slight changes. The humble-bee molts
at least ten times before nrriving at the
winged state. -
WfSE WOKDS.
Bo deaf to the quarrelsome and dumb
to the inquisitive.
Do not be too generous with your
temper. Keep it.
Contacts with tho world cither breaks
or hardens the heart.
Tho world is a comedy to those who
think, a tragedy to those who feel.
Great things are not accomplished by
idle dreams but by years of patient
study.
A thorough scholar carries a key with
which to unlock every door in tho man
sion of knowledgo.
The mistakes of women result almost
always from her faith in the good and
her confidence in truth.
Experience shows that success is due
less to ability than to zeal. The winner
is he who gives himself to his work,
body und soul.
To tell our own secrets is generally
folly, but that folly is without guilt; to
communicate those with which we aro
intrusted is always treachery, nnd treach
ery for the most part combined with
folly.
True repentance consists in the heart
being broken for sin and broken from
siu. Some often repent, yet never re
form; they resemble a man traveling in
a dangerous path, who frequently starts
and stops, but never turns aside.
Italian Air Mutle to Order.
A very remarkable discovery is report
ed on the authority of a fellow of the
Boyal Meteorological society, to which
the attention both of the faculty and of
the society cannot be too speedily direct
ed. Dr. Carter Moffat, cousin of the late
Dr. Kobert Mollat, claims to have in
vented, after nine years' study, uu instru
ment known us the imiiitoniajihoiie, which
contains an absorbent material saturated
with peroxide of hydrogen combined w ith
condensed ammonia and other ingredi
ents, through which a current of air is
drawn into the lungs. This is said to l e
in reality a highly concentrated artificial
Italianized air, in an extremely portable
condition. Dr. Carter Moffat's voice was
originally very weak, harsh, ami destitute
of intonation. By the use of the iimino
uiaphone it has now become a pure tenor
of extraordinary range. Ho noticed that
after experimenting on himself for only
fourteen days an expansion of tho chest
took place to the extent of over half an
inch, with a feeling of increused lung
space anil power of volt e, which has since
been maintained. Experimeutshave been
made upon choirs in Scotland, with ex
traordinary results. As there ure a good
many choirs in England, to say nothing
of the opera companies, which stand in
great need of improvement, the ammonia
phone is certain to be iu great demand.
J'ull Mull UuutU.
HOPE'S EONO.
The golden dreams of youth
Assume a guise of truth
Which age keopj never,
For Hope's voice ningeth ever.
"Oh, youth and strong endeavor.
Can win the highest good foitTer."
Love's subtle Intuition
Divines life's glad fruition,
Distrusting never;
And sweetly Hope sings ever
"True love and sweet endeavor
Shall hold the highest good forever.
Love's sacred tryst Is broken,
Heartbreakinz words are spoksa
Her bonds to sever;
But still Hope singeth ever,
"Brave heart and strong; endeavr
Must find the highest good forever."
Pale hands are crossed in detu;
Gone is the quivering breath;
And still a low voice never
Stops echoing, echoing ever
"Brave heart and strong endeavor
nave won the highest good forever."
Helen M. Window.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
"Women generally are clothes obserr
era.
It seems strange that no matter how
much gold a man may steal he is only
sent to the penitentiary for tho guilt
Sifting).
A Somerville young lady is said to pos
sess a mania for starting fires. ' She will
get over that when she is married. Phil
adelphia Call.
A little girl in church, after the con
tribution box had passed, complacently
said: "I paid for four, mamma. Was
that right?" Anonynwus.
"But," said the' serenaded man, "1
must go out and make a speech. Some
thing must be done to stop the playing
of that band." Boston Pod.
An exchange says that Noah was the
first pitcher on record. He "pitched thf
ark within and without." The gam
was finally called on account of the rain. - -
An Indiana jail-bird recently scraped
off the back of a mirror and swallowed
it. It was a cold day for him when the
mercury went down. Burlington Fret
lrm.
When you see a policeman heading a
cow for the pound it's no use to tell him
that there are 15,000,000 cows in tha
United States. He doesn't want but tha
one. DetroitFree Pros.
A writer in tho New York Sun con
tends that the goose is an older bird than
the American eagle.' Our experience
leads to the belief that it is a good deal
tougher. Troy Times.
The United States has 16.24 medical
practitioners to every 10,000 of popula
tion. And yet it is quite a common
thing for an American to live to a com
paratively ripe age. Boston Transcript.
"I Climb to rest," is the name of
Lucy Larcom's latest poem. Whence the
inference that her poetry docs not pay
enough to permit Miss Larcom to room
on tho parlor floor. Rochester Express.
"Well, sir," said Farmer Furrow to a
friend, "I was never so insulted in my
life. Why, I was down in Washington
last week and one fellow had the impu
dence to ask me if I wasn't a p'ongress
man. New York Journal.
It is not so strange that the annexation
of Canada to the United States is not
strongly advocate. 1 by men in positions
of public trust. They kind of like to
think that in caso anything happens
Canada is a foreign country. LinceR
Citiicn.
"WTiat influence has the moon upon ,
tho tide?" asked the professor. The
class wag replied that he didn't know
exactly wha"- influence it had upon the
tied, but that it had a tendency to mako
tho untied awful spoony. Burlington
Free Press.
"Who is the first lady in the land?'1
nervously inquires a contemporary. When
you come to Philadelphia, if you will
slick yourself up a little and comb the
burrs out of your hair we will take you
up to the house and introduce you to her.
Philadelphia Call.
"Was Early Man a Savage?'" asks a
magazine writer, That depends. If the
early man was dressed to catch the 4 a.
m. train, and his collar button fell be
hind tho bureau, tho probabilities are
that ho was as savage as they make 'cm.
Aorrintown. Herald.
A neat story of tho late Baron ltoths
child is told in the French papers. He
was very busy one morning, when the
Vicomto do L. P. was admitted into
his office. The barou, absorbed in his
reading, said without lifting his head:
" I am at your orders, sir; take a chair."
"Pardon me," was the answer, "I am
tho Vicomto do L. P." "Ah," said the
baron, not looking up, " take two chairs,
then."
A certain member of the Detroit mu
nicipal government is the possessor of a
splendid growth of beard and long,
drooping mustaches. Recently he dined
! away from home, and nt the table sat one
i of those infants you have all read about.
Alter stanug for some time iu open as
tonishment at tho guest, tho interesting
youth roared out at tho top of his voice:
"Ma! ma! ho has got a mouth; I saw
him put a cracker iu it 1" Detroit Jour
nal. Maid of Texas, ere I go,
Tell me if your clock is slow;
For I have a train to catch.
And must quickly raise the latch.
Fro I dart into the niht,
Tell me, is your timepiece rinht l
Hark ! I hear the bull dog's bark.
And the night is cold ana dark.
Maid of Texas 1 must git,
Yet, before I rise and hit,
Tell me, maiden, toll me true.
What numbor i your jhii'i shoe 1 . '