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VOL. 171. NO. 41.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY. JANUARY 23. 1884.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
fvn li
TRIFLES.
Wtefc wm It matter in a littlo while.
That for a day .
'We mht and gave a word, a touch, a am lie,
Upon the way f
'What will' it matter whether heart were
brave,
And lives were true;
Thnt you (javo me the tynqiathy I crave
As I gave you.
These trifles ! Can it be they make or mar
A human life J
Are souls as lightly swayed as rushes are
By love or strife f
Yea, yia ! a look the fainting heart may
break,
Or make it wholo;
And just one word, if said for love's swoct
fke,
May save a soul 1
May Smith, in the VhilaMphux Record.
"AN OPPORTUNITY.
l)ora Leonard leaned her pretty elbows
on the window -sill of her father's oflico
end peered out over the forest of chim
tiry pots nnd irregular roofs which thnt
retired corner of London offered as pros
pect. Sho nodded to tho little huno boy
in tho fourth story across tho court,
dropped a handful of biscuit crumbs for
Vixon, Mrs. Tottenham's pnrrot, on tho
roof below, nnd was imperiling her lifo
to steal n spray of scarlet Virginian
creeper dangling from n neighbor's bal
cony, when a strange pair of eyes whining
through tho same creeper startled her
Into propriety.
The balcony had hitherto had for its
solo occupant n white-haired professor in
a velvet skull-cap, who had shown no
desire for even a nodding acquaintance
With Dora. Who could this new
comer be? His eyes were beautiful so
dark and expressive ami the hand thnt
held back the vino was delicately shaped
nnd white.
Dora took another peep, through the
curtain this time. He had advanced a
littlo nnd leaned against the balcony rail
ing, nnd, while appealing unconscious of
her presence, watclied quietly for tho re
turn of the 'pretty apparition seen at the
window.
His dark Southern look was so different
from tho rosy faces and bluo eye that
Dora wns accustomed to ; and the girl,
looking at him, could only think of a
pictured Romeo whoso face had once
haunted her dreams for many a night.
'Dora, dear, close tho window; these
draughts are most dangerous at this sea
ion of tho year," came in drowsy accents
from tho head of the Leonard family,nod
dig over the copy of the Timet.
"Pupa, you never speak of Professor
Mudie now, 1 hopo you have not cut
tho old gentleman's acquaintance?"
"Mudie? He is no longer our neigh
bor, ho left No. CO a week ago.1'
"Indeed! Has any one else taken his
rooms?"
"With the keenest interest Dora waited
lor her father's reply.
."siome foreign-looking chap has taken
the lodgings; 1 saw him this morning nt
6 o'clock, smoking on the bnlcony iu tho
most outlandish of dressing-gowns, and
singing iu a fairly good tenor. I must
admit, some incomprehensible rigmarole.
I must see that the windows are more
carefully barred at night; there is no tell
ing what these swarthv vagabonds may
do?"
"Oh, papa'."
Dora was prepared to follow this ex
clamatiou with u lecture on the iniquity
of maligning one's neighbors; but see
ing thi't her father had do.ed off into
unconsciousness, she wns forced to re
serve her remarks till another occasion.
Living in n remote part of London
with her father and a maiden aunt, both
of the styst ideas in the bringing up
of youngffTople, Dora's existenco had
little novelty or excitement. The return
of her brother Hob from college was al
ways hnilcd with delight as n season of
merry-making; but tho remainder of tho
year passed monotonously enough. 'With
out knowing why, the girl's interest for
the dark-eyed foreigner in the adjoining
houso had been keenly awakened, und
Bhe longed for an opportunity to tell him
of her sympathy for his loneliness in the
great city. Hut it could only be through
a happy chance that they could know
each other, for she dared n6t make any
decided advances toward a perfect
Stranger, and sho knew that her father
would not exert himself in tho young
man's favor.
Years before a much-beloved cousin of
Dora's father, who had filled tho place of
a younger sister in his heart, had been
beguiled into n marriage w ith an Italian
nobleman, which had resulted disas
trously and severed nil connections with
her friends, Since then Mr. Leonard
had regarded with suspicion and dislike
every foreigner that came under his no
tice, ami Dora knew well that she could
expect from hiiu no pity or interest for
Romeo, as bhe privately called her un
known hero.
While at college Dora's brother Rob had
become the happy recipient of a pair of
monkeys, the gift of a friend in India.
An old college chum agreed nt first to
take care of the animals, but as time
'"'wore on he grew heartily sick of his
bargain and wrote to Rob that he must
take the responsibility of his mischiev
ous pets on his own hands.
lb informed ins januiy mat tney
ight expect any day the arrival of the
TAonkevs. but the old gentleman, air.
Leonard, replied promptly that on no
account would he allow the uncouth
brutes about the place, destroying the
furniture and ornaments which it had
been the work of years to collect, beside
fnghteniug the servants out of their wits.
J Tho thing was preposterous? If Robert
"s "ild keep savage animals, he must pro-
iw a home for them elsewhere.
" The dear boy has his heart set i.u
thtc luoiii.-), d will be sorely disap
pointed," Mid Aunt Matflda, feelingly.
It was a weakness on the part of the
old lady to spoil and indulge Rob in tho
same degree that she lectured and cor
rected Dorn; and sho would willingly
have spent her last penny to make her
beloved nephew happy.
Dora strayed one afternoon Into tho
oflice, but instead of having her usual
post-prandial chat with her father, sho
was asked to guard tho premises during
his necessary absence for an hour. The
place was quite deserted, and she might
take a book and make herself cotnfort
nblo without fear of interruption, till
her father's return.
Tho room where Dora wns to keep her
vigil was, for a lawyer's oflice, very at
tractive; there were numerous books, an
easy chair or two, some flourishing
plants, and across one sido of the room
a cabinet of curiosities of considerable
value, which it had been tho delight of
Mr. Leonard's heart to collect and ar
range. Tho gem of the collection was a
cracked porcelain plate of tho time of
Louis XI. of France, declared by con
noisseurs to bo of very great value.
Dora had not been ten minutes alone bo
f ore mint Matilda, her eyes big with ex
citement, put her head in at tho door.
"Dora, there is a man with tho mon
keys declaring he will not bo kept wait
ing a moment longer. I have promised
to drive in tho park with Mrs. Graham,
and there is no one to look after Rob's
pets but you. I would not send them
away; so I told tho man to bring them
up here. They have chains about their
necks, nnd "
"Rut, Aunt Matilda, papa will bo furi
ous nt seeing the monkeys in his oflice,
especially 1 Ho declared that Rob
should not Fend them to the house at
all."
"Wo must not disappoint tho poor
boy, Dora. Kate will return from tho
milliner s in half an hour, and I will
leave word that she is to take tho ani
mals to her room then; so your father
need know nothing about it. They cer
tainly will do no harm alone in so short
a time."
Further discussion was ended by a man
very red iu the face making his way
without ceremony into tho room. He
set a largo basket on the floor, exclaim
ing: "There, you chattering varmints; it's
glnd enough I nm to get rid of you ! Tho
attintion those beasts attracted all along
tho streets, mum, was enough to make
nn honest man ashamed."
Two pairs of bright eyes peeped from
"under the basket cover, as if begging for
freedom, and the next moment two line,
full-grown Singapore monkeys were
capering about the room as much as their
confining chains would permit.
" Chain them to the fender, and they
will be sure to be out of mischief," said
Aunt Matilda, watching to see this com
mand obeyed, and then following tho
porter down into the street.
Dora, left alone with her unexpected
guests, tried to strike up an acquaintance
with them, but they 6cemed dull and un
responsive. They crouched down side
by sido on the rug, and fell into a kind
of doze ; so Dora, relieved of all anxiety
as to their conduct, returned to her nook
in tho window.
There was a thin curl of smoke coming
through the vine on tho balcony, and sho
could hear the rustling of the leaves of a
book. It was pleasant to know that
Romeo was near, and it was also pleas
ant to have him aware of her presence.
Could not Rob, when he came home, be
prevailed upon to extend a friendly hand
to this dark-eyed stranger? Rut his holi
day was so short, and he had so many
old friends to look up, that she was
afraid he would only mako game of her
fancy for Romeo.
Dora's reverie was suddenly interrupted
by a clattering of the fire-irons ; the
smaller monkey, released bv tho other,
was carefully inspecting tho glittering
poker and tongs, while tho elder mon
key, without effort, unfastened hia own
chain and left it lying on tue floor. Jlo
gave Dora a knowing look and started
on a tour of investigation about tho
room, the girl timidly following to rescue
whatever of value might come in his way.
Ho at length spied, half hidden on the
disused grate, the kettle of tho spirit
lamp which served to brew Mr. Leonard's
tea, still partly full of water which had
not yet cooled. Tho thirsty monkey
plunged his head into the little kettle,
which proved, alas, so tight a fit that it
utterly refused to come off! Rlinded
and frightened, the monkey darted about
the room, shaking and twisting his head
till tho water flew in all directions. This
was the signal for a w ild frolic for both
the monkeys, which Dora tried in vain
to quiet. While rescuing the ink
stand from the clutches of one,
the other toro in shreds as many
as ho could 6eizo of tho valuable
law papers scattered on the table. The
elder monkey having finally freed him
self from the kettle, flung it with a
crash into the court, and then sprang to
tho cabinet, where the Louis XI. plate
was enshrined.
Dora was horror-stricken as sho saw
the monkey dexterously undo the fasten
ings and take the plate from its velvet
bed. She felt that something desperate
must be done to save tho precious relic.
Tho clerks were nil dismissed, no servant
was within call, and there w as no one to
help her. The monkey raised the plato
above his head aud began an exciting
chatter with his mate. Dora flew to the
w indow, expecting every instant to hear
the crash of the priceless porcelain, and,
leaning far out, w ith as steady a voice as
she could summon
"Do pleuso come and help me; tho
monkeys are destroying everything there
is not a moment to lose!"
In her fright Dora hardly realized that
tho long-wished for interview with
Romeo had tomcat last. A fur harder
heart than Romeo's could not have re
sitted those beseeching tones or the
pieity, appealing look ou the girl's fuce,
tnd in an instant tho young man had
i W .ng himself from tho balcony to the
oiiice window, nnd sprang lightly to the
floor, took in the situation at a glance.
"Can you save tie plate?" said Dora,
clasping her handirconvulsivcly.
Rut her words were unnecessary.
With an enso and quickness that seemed
magical, tho new-comer had dragged tho
heavy tablo against tho cabinet, and,
with tho further aid of a chair, raised
himself to tho monkey's perch. With
a cry of delight Dora saw the monkey
slip to the floor, leaving tho plate un
harmed in Romeo's hands.
At this juncture the door opened soft
ly, and Miss Matilda peeped in timidly.
Romeo, with his legs dangling from the
top of the cabinet, was the first object
her eyes lighted upon.
"Dorn, what is tho meaning of this?
Why is this person intruding here?"
"It menns, Aunt Matilda, thnt we
have to thank this gentleman for saving
papa's plate from the monkey's clutches.
You may well imagine the scene thnt
would have ensued if it had been broken.
Please don't waste any time in exclama
tions, but ta"ke oil your gloves nnd help
mo to put the room in order before papa
comes. Fortunately for you, he is un
accountably delayed."
Miss Matilda, completely frightened
into submission, flew to assist in putting
the room to rights, nnd. with the aid of
Dora nnd Romeo, order was soon
restored. The torn letters and papers
were hastily collected to be re-copied, the
monkeys were dispatched to the atic,
Romeo reluctantly retired, and when Mr.
Leonard nt length returned, he found
Dora sitting quietly as ho had left her,
with her book, nt the window. A ner
vousness of manner and a pair of dim
pled checks unusually flushed escaped
the notice of the man whose mind was
full of tho details of a now case which ha
had been discussing.
"Dora, do you not think we had better
include the young man next door among
our guests for Wednesday evening?"
Miss Matilda asked of her neice. "Rob
can call there tho day before, and your
father will think the acquaintance has
sprung up entirely through him."
"We certainly owe a civility, aunt,
and I think your suggestion a very good
one," Dora answered, quietly, though her
heart beat high with pleasant antici
pal ions.
Antonio Sardi, which proved to be
Romeo's proper name, lost no time in
writing an acceptance of Miss Leonard's
kind invitation for Wednesday. Dora,
rending his polite note at the breakfast
table, left tho envelope lying unheeded
near her father's plate.
Later, while the two ladies were dis
cussing the important question of flowers
for the auspicious evening, Mr. Leonard
entered the room with a torn envelope
in his hand.
" What induced Rob to striko up a
friendship with the young scamp next
door? He might have been better em
ployed during his short holiday," ho
began.
" Oh, papa, he's not n scamp ! He "
Dora stopped suddenly.
" Then what right has ho to make use
of that seal.' Look 1 Is it not tho fac
simile of your grandfather's. This fel
low had some foolish idea of appearing
well connected, but has unfortunately
stolen a seal that is very familiar to us.
I will inquire into this and 6eak to Rob;
one cannot be too cautious with these
foreigners."
The old gentleman's investigation con
cerning the seal threw tho Leonard fam
ily into the greatest excitement. On
questioning young Sardi he told a clear,
succinct story of his past life and parent
age. His father, nn Italian of noble fam
ily, had married an English lady, whom
ho deserted shortly after the birth of
their only child. They heard of his
death in Russia afterward, and a few
years later his mother died ufcjo, leaving
him Antonio alone in the world. It
was his mother's' crest thnt he had used
upon tho note addressed to Miss Leonard;
it was strange that it should so resemble
tho seal of tho Leonard family.
"Did your mother ever speak of friends
in England?"
"Rarely ; tho subject seemed to her a
most painful one, and 1 never broached
it."
"What was her name?" Mr. Leonard
asked, his voice trembling with emotion.
"Gertrude Ramsay."
"Why did not all this dawn upon me
before? Roy, if your story is true, you
are the son of our beloved little Gertrude.
who left us long ago, nnd whoso los I
have never ceased to mourn. Come with
me; the others should rejoice with us iu
tho return of the wanderer."
Every doubt of Antonio's identity was
soon removed, and the foreign cousin
was treated as au honored guest among
his new-found friends, to whom he en
deared himself through many charming
traits of c haracter.
" We have to thank Rob for a most
agreeable addition to our family party,"
said Mr. Leonard, gazing on tho group
assembled about the tire one evening.
"Thank rather Rob and tho monkeys,
pupa, said Dora, slily.
"Monkeys! What do you mean?"
The story of the rescued plate was
obliged to be told then and there; but
Mr. Leonard found it impossible to be
angry after all that had happened, and
a hearty laugh ended the awkward
secret.
In gaining a cousin Mr. Leonard was
obliged to part with his daughter, for
the love that had silently 6prung up long
before between Dora and Romeo would
hide itself to longer; aud when Rob
came home for his Christmas holidays a
grand event took place the first bird
flew from the parent nest, und Dora went
with her dark-eyed lover and husband
to see the bright skies of his native land.
What relation does the door-step
to tho door-mat? It's a step-father.
HEALTH HINTS.
Scratches of nil kinds are generally
painful. If the wound is made by a pin
a littlo poultice of bread and milk should
bo applied for an hour or so, and then
salve until it is healed.
One of tho best ways to cure sore
throat is as follows: wring a cloth out
of salt and cold water, nnd keeping it
quite wet bind tightly about the neck.
Cover this with a dry cloth. It is best
to use this remedy in the night.
One of the most necessary helps to
health is keeping the feet warm. Very
few people are able to do this, especially
ladies, because they dread making their
feet large. Rut if they could once bo
convinced of tho many disfigurements
made by having cold feet, they would
gladly wear thick woolen stockings.
One of tho best ways to cure a cold in
the head is as follows: Take a glass of
hot lemonade. Then undress in a warm
room, and sit with the body wrapped iu
a blanket nnd the feet in a tub of mus
tard and hot water. Get tho body in a
good perspiration, nnd then go to bed,
after drinking more of the hot lemonade.
Wrap up warmly and go to sleep, and in
the morning your cold will have disap
peared. One physician reports a case of poison
ing from red stockings, and another fol
lows it up by a case of poisoning from
bluo stockings. In the last ense tho
trouble was manifested in the form of
pustulous skin eruptions on the legs of a
boy. It is important to remember that
the dye stuffs employed and the mate
rials used in the manufacture of hat
bnnds as well ns of stockings nre occa
sionally of a nature to produce skin
eruptions. The remembrance of this
will often serve to explain and relieve
skin eruptions which seem both obscuro
and obstinate.-Zr. Fuotc't Health Monthly.
WISE WORDS.
He who knows his power, doubles it ;
he who is distrustful of it, destroys it.
It is no vanity for a man to pride him
self on what ho has honestly got and
prudently uses.
Ideas generate ideas ; like a potato,
which, cut in pieces, reproduces itself in
a multiplied form.
Do all the good you can, to all tho
people you can, as long as ever you can,
in every place you can.
Mimicry is the business of the comedi
an and cannot be resorted to in tho drawing-room
without great risk on the part
of the person who hazards that dangerous
accomplishment.
There are a set of malicious, prating,
prudent gossips, both male nnd female,
who murder characters to kill time; and
who will rob a young fellow of his good
name before he has years to know the
value of it.
Through lifo man is liable to crror.and
requires check, rebuke, and counsel. Ho
should bo his own good spirit, hovering
over himself in moments of passion,
temptation, and danger, and reminding
himself that he owes a duty to his
Maker, with which tho opinions and con
sequences of the world have nothing to
do. Life, in regard to the earth, is a
passing stream. The reality is the here
after. Phenomena of a Torna.Io.
Appalliug accompaniments of the cy
clone were perhaps never more complete
ly illustrated thau in Izard county. The
course of the storm was from southwest
to northeast, and commencing one and a
half miles southwest of Melbourne. Tho
swath cut through the county is fifteen
miles in length. The width of its track
varies from two hundred yards to three
quarters of a mile. Eight or ten miles
away tho cloud accompanying tho tor
nado was observed to be of un inky black
color, " boiling," and almost incessantly
illuminated by flashes of electricity.
Five miles distant the same character of
boiling black cloud was seen to be fol
lowed by a long pillar of intense white
cloud. Nearer nt hand the white cloud,
apparently driving tho whirling black
one before it, defined itself as a pillar of
fire.
In tlie midst of the storm the survivors
viewed tho cone of the tornado us a huge
ball of fire rolling along the ground. Mr.
S. R. Toler, of La Crosse, whose house
the tornado also destroyed, and being in
its very midst, details that the condition
of the center of the cyclone was that of a
system of fiery balls us large ns one's
thumb, their multitude greater than any
human mind could conceive, und in that
apparent state of ignition hustling
through the air. This experience of Mr.
Toler is shared by others who were in its
midst, and almost every one wrecked in
the storm ut La Crosse is-tutoocd with
bruises the size of a quartcrand half dol
lar, w hich must have been done either
by a mass of pebbles heated to redness or
by small bodies of some kind having
force enough to bruise but not to pene
trate the skin.
At the distance of eight and ten miles
the flashes of electricity were so inces
sant aud the commotion of wind aud
thunder, and possibly lulling timber, ns
to utmost paralyze one with tenor.
Nearer at haiid the sounds were magni
fied tenfold, with also an additional ac
companiment for the ears of those who
were first beyond the edge of the storm
of millions of exploding bombs und tor
pedoes. Little (ittzttte.
Ono of the curiosities of old Muskros
abbey, near Killuruey, Ireland, is one of
tho finest yew trees iu Europe, plauted
by the monks some 5i0 years ugo. In
some places tho ivy has grown cntirtly
through tho abbey wull.
"Mine is u high cullimr," says the bell
ringer iu Tl iliity steeple, i'wi Cum-iimrcUil.
SELECT SIFTINGS.
A hen's nest has just been patented io
Washington.
Roast elephant Li a sacred dish in Ton
quin and Annnm.
Russian prisoners were first sent to Si
beria in 1710 by Peter tho Great.
Tho will of Mr. Miner, of Philadelphia,
reads: "Emily R. Miner is my heir."
Henry III. compelled all persons hav
ing a yearly income of 10 to be knighted
or pay a tine.
Rummelsburg, near Rcrlin, is the
largest goose market in the world. They
handle 20,000,000 a year of the succu
lent bird.
Ono of the notable bridges of tho
world crosses nn arm of the China sea at
Fnngang. It is five miles long and has
three hundred arches.
The caro was originallr a native of
Central Asia. It was introduced into
Austria in 1227, into England in 1504
and into this country in 1SU0.
Men who transform modern paintings
Into old masters do so by covering tho
fresh painting with a paste and baking
it in an oven until tho proper cracks
appear.
In Paris there are men who make a
living by collecting linseed plasters from
the hospitals, pressing oil from the lin
seed and selling the linen on which it is
spread to the paper manufacturers.
Hissing means different things accord
ing to where you happen to be at tho
time. In West Africa the natives hiss
when they are astonished; in the new
Hebrides where they see anything beauti
ful. The Rasutos applaud a popular
orator in their assemblies by hissing at .
him. The Japanese, again, show their
reverence by a hiss, which has probably
somewhat the force of tho "hush" with
which we command silence.
Tho inhabitants of Panama say that
the gallinazo, or black vulture, had feath
ers on its head before the deluge. Noah,
on opening the door of the ark, thought
it well to give a word of advice to tho
released animals. "My children," said
he, "when you see a man coming toward
you and stooping down, go away from
him; he is getting a stone to throw at
yout" "Very good," exclaimed the gal
linazo; "but what if he have one already
in his pocket?" Noah was somewhat
taken aback at the reply, and decided
that in future the gallinazo should be
bora bald in token of its remarkable
EBgacity.
Probably the most wonderful tree in
the world is the Raobab or Maibey bread
tree. It grows only to the height of forty
feet, but is thirty feet in diameter. Tho
age of this tree is quite incalculable.
Humboldt considers it " the oldest living
organic monument of our planet." A
good-sized room can be cut in the trunk
of the Raobab, with comfortable accom
modations for thirty men, and the tree still
live and flourish. Tho fruit, which is
nourishing, is about a foot long. Tho
tree grows very slowly, a specimen at
Kew, in England, which n more than
eighty years old, having only attained a
height of one and a half feet. The oldest
known Ruobabs nre estimated to be over
5.000 years old.
- --u
Facts About Birds.
The Rev. Mr. Wood, in a lecture de
livered in Roston, treated on birds as
exhaustively as the limited time would
nllow. He explained the peculiar struc
ture of tho skeleton, combining tho
greatest strength with the least weight,
and described the peculiar breathiug ap
paratus, which also serves to increase tho
buoyancy of the bird. Tho air even
enters the hollow bones of the limbs and
wings. He related, in illustration, an.
nnecdoto of a sportsman who, desiring to
put a wounded bird out of pain as speed
ily as possible, held its head under water
for some minutes, but the creature re
mained as lively as ever. Upon making
an examination it was found that one
of the large wing feathers had been shot
off, and that the bird had been breathing
through tho quill. Tho vertebra of tho
neck in all mammals are alike in number.
Those of birds vury from thirty in tho
swan to nine iu tho common sparrow.
lie gave a curious description of tho
method by which birds of prey change
the focus of their eyes, which, us in the
case of the hawk and eagle, for instance,
are telescopic when looking at objects at
a distance. A hawk half a mile in air
will discover a field mouse on the grounds
As he rushes downward to seize his prey,
the form of the eye is changed so as to
always keep tho object within the focu,
of vision. Rirds are nnnlagous to rep
tiles in many points of their structure,
und it is thought by some that the deni
zens of the uir of the . resent have been
gradually developed from the reptiles of
the past. As compared with their bulk
birds ure enormous eaters, tho food con
sumed largly going to tho production of
heat.
Brown Stone.
"There's a gentleman," said a deulei
in building stone, "who has just ordered
a lot of brown stone for a house he is
building. I wonder w hat he would say
if I should tell him that he is merely
buying sections of an old mud flat to
pile up. The poor Irish use peat and the
millionaire use's mud fiat, extra dry nnd
very" ancient. All the brown stone,"
continued the dealer, "comes from what
we cull the new sandstone, und it is
about as well represented in Connecticut
as anywhere. In parts of it you find the
tracks of huge animals that walked along
the shore millions of years ago; t-ven the
ruin drop und tho smallest insect track
are preserved with as much accuracy ns
if they were made only yesterday. In
fuct, this brown stone represents tho de
posits of fresh wuter streams; it is the
.each aud bottom, the sand thut sifted
down and gradually hardened iu untold
ages.'' Philadtlphia Tinui.
FISHERMEN'S BONO.
After the battle, the peace is dear,
After the tod, the rest;
After the storm, when the skies ore clear,
Fair is tho Ocean's breast.
Out in the gold sunshine
Throw we the net and line
The silvery chase to-day
Calls us to work away,
So throw the line, throw Yo, heave ho?
Fishers must work when the treacherous sea
Emi'es with a face of light,
Though the d -ep bed where their fortunes be,
May be their grave ere night.
Out in the gold sunshine '
Throw we the net nnd line ;
The silvery lives to-day
Flash in the silvery fprny,
Bo throw the line, throw Yo, heave ho f
1'ericle.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
Tho close of winter "close the door."
Marathon Independent.
Freddy: "Oh, mamma, I've dot such aa
awful headache in my stomach 1" Alia
Californian.
The littlo ones nro the most highly
gifted people about Christmas time.
Boston Transcript.
It is one of the inconsistencies of lifo
thnt we throw bouquets at the soprano
and bootjacks at the tomcat. Oil City
Blizzard.
" ' Wisely improve the present' is good
advice," said the newly-married man, as
he sold a duplicate wedding-gift". Phil
adctyhia Call.
Small Roy "Pa, did you know ma long
before you married her?" Pa "I didn't.
I didn't know her until long after I had
married her.'' logrcns.
Tho Pullman Car Company have 13,- .
000 blankets. If you don't believe this
give the porter fifty cents on a cold night
Bnd he will show vou one. Philadelphia
Call.
"I never loved but one person," sighed
Riggs. "And as a man cannot marry
himself," remarked Fogg, "of course it
came to nothing. Poor fellow 1" Boston
Transcript.
A learned doctor solemnly states that
girls are so constructed that they cannot
jump. Leap year will enable eligible
maidens to disprove this assertion. Keia
York Journal.
Quite excusable: "I beg a thousand
pardons for coming so late." "My dear
sir," replied the lady, graciously, "no
pardons nre needed. You can never
come too late."
A notice of a certain lecturer state
thnt "he always enrrics his audiences
with him." We thought, when we
heard him, he'd have to if he wanted to
have any. Boston Pod.
Cheeky passenger: "Any fear o' my
disturbing the magnetic currents, enp
tain. by goin' near the compass?" Cap
tain: "Oh, no, sir. Rrass has no effect
on it whatever, sir." Punch.
"Your father is worth, nt least, halt
million," said he to Jiis jealous sweet
heart. "Thut is true;'' she murmured.
"And yet, you doubt my love," ho re
plied, in nn injured tone. Siftings.
To say that a procession was three
hours in passing u given point doesn't,
according to tho Chicago Timet, neces
sarily show that it w as a long procession,
inco the given point might have been a
beer saloon.
" Is tulk dying out?" asked a maga
zine writer. The writer should listen to
the conversation of three or four girls
who have met for the first time since
they attended an evening sociable. He
would nnswer his conundrum in the neg
ative with deafening emphasis. Xorris
toien Herald.
The Christian at Work has nn article
entitled, "How to Make a Wife Insane."
Wo have not read it, presuming tho
method given to be, of course, cither to
come into the house with mud on your
boots, or to forget to bring home your
wife's bonnet for her from the milliner's
on Saturday night. JStatwiimn.
Mrs. I), (admiringly) "How fond of
nice things that handsome young Mr.
Rlank is! He lives by hiuisi If in a mag
nificent marble pulacc, keeps a private
stable of thoroughbred lior.ses, is always
buying the finest works of art und has
ransacked Europe for lare bric-a-brac."
Mr. 1). (gloomily) " Well, he can afford
to. Ho han't a wife." PhiLidc'phia
Call.
I'RINTElt's IMC.
Little drop of printer's ink,
A utt.e t y e 'Mi-p ayl."
Mako our iiiiT"lmiit I !-
An I all their bi0- pai uie.
Little bits of Min:iiH-t-i. '
J'isnrlin printer ink, ,'
1'usu the ii.au of biikUm, i
An 1 betn his credit sink.
'orii lramcr'nl.
If the proposed plan of iiiuidH'riiig
tho hours fiom one to twenty-four is
adopted it w ill sound funny to hear such
talk us this: Hire it is nearly half pust
nineteen! Yesterday night it was twenty
minutes past twenty-one when you came
home, ami the night before you never
came near the house till tweuty-five min
utes past twenty-three. This is got to
stop. If you can't get homo ut half past
thirteen or a quarter to fourteen, I'll let
you have the house to youisclf and go
back to mother.'" Sniitrci:U Journal.
That man on the "I." platforn is very
very unhappy, lie look as though hu
had been fooling w ith stocks, or informed
of the sudden recovery of his inoilu-r-in-law,
or something of that kind. Hut it
is neither of these dire calamities that up
sets hiiu and makes him i' el ill ut case.
Ho is disconcerted limply because he has
been wuiting some minutes for the traiu,
nnd ns he rushes aluiig the platform to
gel his favorite slat, a birce suddenly
tart's up Mid blow s bis In! off und dow :
iu the muddy ulru t, - ': ,(.