Z)t crrst llrpuMifca M rrmLI.WIRD ITCIT WKDWMDAT, T J. E. WENK. Ornoe Id Bmerbngh A Co.'i Buildin ELM STREET, - TI0NE8TA, PA, TIGTtMS, l.SO FEIl YEAH. Ko iilnnipHoni) receded for a laorWr period tlinn thrco nionllit. (;.inpii(iiuloiicetolirited from all ptrUof the country. No nolle wiil be taken of anonjmons "'r"m'H)icntu)iiii, RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Rijtmre, one Inch, one inRrrtlra. .. f 1 OA One Square, one inch, one month. OO One Siunre, one inch, three mouths... 00) Ono Square, one inch, one jer M OO Two biinnrPK, one year MM Quarter Column, one year .... f) M Half Column, one year W OO One Column, one year ,.100 00 IC"1 notices (it established rate. Marriage and death notices gratis. All bill for yearly advertisement collected quarterly. Temporary advertisements mart bo pnid in ndvnnco. Job work, canh on delivery. M VOL. 171. NO. 35. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER i 1883. $1.50 PER ANNUM. mi. CONSTANCY. he BAin : A in! leaned ai he Rpoke on the pasture bars, That ho vowod by the heavens blue Uy the silvery moon and tho shining stars To over prove leal and true. " Men change, 'tis true," bo raid, " but oh I Believe ii w, my own dear love, AnVelion like mine, a time will show, Hat a strength that no power can move. tins said: "No fear or doubts, Moved, have f, For loop in this hi art of mine Is a loeo that will never dim or die, But will lust for aye like thine !" lie gave her a ring and a fond caress, While her learn like a torrent fell ; As with falt'ring words and in sore distress, IIo bado her a long farewell. But the man In the moon, who bad often viewed Such tender scjiics, I ween, Winked knowingly then, as the lovers stood Beneath, in the silver sheen. Two mi minor with. blossom and bud were gone, Two winters with frost and snow ; And opt in, the man in the moon looked down On the whirling world bolow. And what did he seo ? Why, the lover bad won A widow with wealth galore, While tlio maiden had wedded, that very morn, The clerk of a dry goods store. Quoth the man in the moon : "It's exactly now As It was when the world began ; No weaker thing than a woman's vow, . Excepting tho vpws of a man." These things have given the man in tho moon Ruch cynical views of lifo ' That this is tho reason he lives alone, And never has tukeu a wife. BROTHER jVNI) SISTER. "What iH your name?" "Clip." "Rather appropriate, I fancy," ob served Jack Crnnford, eyeing tho dwarf ish figure of the lad before him. "Who do you belong to?" "Nobody." "Well where on earth did you come from?" "Clipper Gap." Crnnford indulged in a hearty laugh. "You want to know if you can Htay here, eh? Yes, you may, but I warn you .that you won't get either fat or rich very Boon unless you have better luck than the rest of us." "Can Clipper come too?" inquired the boy, with tin upward glance of his sharp black eyes. "Who in the namo of all the gods is Clipper? Your dog, eh?" " No, she hain't a dog, she's a gal, my sister." "Where is she now?" "Down by tho gully washin' her feet 'eahso they hurt." "How old is she?" "Don't know; biggcr'n me, though." "Concise and explicit," remarked Cran ford, with an amused smile. " You ihad better run afong and bring her up to camp. t. is growiug dark and you may get So'st." "Clipper never gets lost, the can go , nnywhere," ho asserted in a tone 'which bespoke the utmost contidence in his sister. Orauford watched the boy as he bounded -nimbly down tho hillside. " Hi-eh-hi-ch-hi," ho sang nt the top of his voice. A musical " llo-eh-ho-eh-ho" resounded through the hills and the next moment a slim girl darted forward, caught Clip in her arms, kissed him and then gave him a sharp slap on the cheek. " Yo Tiateful littlo toad, I thought ye ' was lost," she said by way of explaining the dual reception she had given him. " Where ye bin'" Clip rubbed his face nnd muttered resentfully : " Up there, found a camp, the man wants ye to come too." "Oh, Clip!" sho cried, not heeding his answer, "I was scared I thought they'd caught ye I wish yc wouldn't run off like that." Tho exclamations were littered in a breathless sort of way, and sho placed her arms protectingly urouud him. A very pretty picture she made as she stood there. The golden red rays of the setting sun glimmering athwart the live oak boughs, threw fantastic shndowsoverhergypsy-like face. Her scant costume, consisting of a brown petticoat and sack, and a gay colored Mexican shawl draned Spanish fashion wound her head and shoulders, gave her ' a quaintly picturesque air. Jack Cran ford, who had strolled leisurely rfter the boy,, appeared in view on a declivity a couple of yards above them. Catching a glimpse of him sho started back a few steps,-then lifted her dark, half-terrified eyes to his face. "It's only the miner,' whispered Clip, in "n assuring tone. land in hand they advanced to within a short distance from where he stood. Just then a group of men appeared on tho other side ol the camp clearing. The girl's sharp eyes discovered them, and in an instant she was at Cranford's Bidgrasping his arm . Aon't let them touch him !" she cried, her dusky face growing almost white. "Nobody shall harm cither of you," said Cranford, laying his hand on her shoulder. "Hello, Jack!" called out one of tho party, " who are your visitors?" " Clipper and Clip, of Clipper Gap," H responded. Then to the girl, "Y'ou wedu't be afraid ; they nil belong to our ' 9 "You were afraid of me, th?"" queried j the newcomer, Dick Emory, " what ' dreadful crime have you been perpetrat ing! "I didn't do nothing bad," sho replied with a touch of childish dignity, "but he," indicating her brother,, "stole. He hain't got no one but mo to look after him, nnd they were going to put him in the refuge, so we run away." "Poor littlo creatures," (mid Dick, his pleasant-toned voice full of tender pity. " So you thought wo were ogres sent to capture you." Mcautime the other miners had gath ered around the children, for the girl WB9 a child in years, although a hard ex perience had left little of the child nature in her. "I'm not scared now," she announced, glancing toward the group of rough men. "If ye ll let us stay I'll work for yc. Can cook au' wash, can't I, Clip?" The youngster screwed up ono eye and nodded Jiis head in an impish sort of way, which caused tho miners to laugh heartily, nnd they all expressed a desire to keep them for awhile nt least. Later on they learned that the children were orphans. They never saw their father, but had been told that he had died be fore Clip was born. Some three years before their mother, when on her death bed, had charged the girl to take care of her brother, who had proved the torment of her life, but whom, nevertheless, she loved passionately. " I tried to make him good," she as serted, with a pathetic sigh, " but he'd steal every chance he'd get." Her real name, she told Dick Emory, was Carrita, nnd her brother's Ignatio, but they were called Clip and Clipper, because they were born in Clipper Gap. Dick Emory was young nnd handsome, even in his rough miner's dress. There was something ontngious about the mirth that spnrkledin his dark-blue eyes nnd spread itself over his frank, boyish face. His courtesy nnd good-naturo rendered him a general favorite with his companions; consequently thev were not surprised when Clipper exhibited a marked preference for his foeiety. She seemed to anticipafe his slightest wish, and whenever he rewarded her. with a smile a crimson flush would steal into her brown cheeks nnd her beautiful dark eyes would glow with pleasure. The girl was so young and childish in many ways that no ono dreamed she was capable of loving. And she, herself, was too simplo and ignorant to comprehend tho meaning ' of tho joy ' his pres ence afforded her. She only knew she was happy happier than ever before and that was enough. Past sor rows were forgotten ; she was satisfied infinitely so with the present, nnd never gave a thought to the future. Did Em ory know, was he conscious of the love he had inspired in the breast of this child-woman? No; tho sentiment was shrouded in such exquisite purity that even he was not aware of its existence. All womanhood was sacred to him, even this embryo woman, who was touching his life with her love, and he treated her with a deferential tenderness, not for the purpose of winning her regard, but be cause no could not da otherwise. Kut, nlas ! for the peace of poor, ignorant littlo Clipper ! Every touch of his hand, every soft inflection of his voice, drew the meshes closer nrouhd her. After tho children had been in the. camp several months the rainy season set in, and with it a low fever, which at tacked even the most robust miner. It was then Clipper proved herself a minis tering nngel. She refused to sleep, or even rest, when she fancied any of the sick men required her care. Emory had a slight attack, but recovered in a few days. When all thought tho disease had spent itself the faithful young nurse was stricken down, but in her case it assumed a far more serious form; the remedies that had proved beneficial to the others gave her no relief. Finally, a physician was summoned from the near est town, but his skill was of no avail. One evening Emory was sitting near the camp-bed upon which tho girl was tossing restlessly. "Poor little Clipper?" lie murmured, tenderly stroking the dark hair back from her burning forehead. " Y'ou must try to get well, for I want to take you to Frisco next week. I am going to tell you a secret," he went on, hoping to in terest her. A slight movement of her head indicated her desire to hear it. " Y'ou see, when 1 came up here, about two years ago, I left one of the sweetest little girls iu the universo in Ban Fn cisco. She promised to be my wife as soon n " A low moan broke from tho fever parched lips. " What is it, dear? Are you in pain?" he questioned in a gentle, almost woman ly voice. " I have tired you with my nonsensical talk. There," bending over as a mother might over a sick child, "let me bathe your head awhile. I will keep very quiet and perhaps you can sleep." " No, tell me all about it," she pleaded, laying her hot hand in his. "1 like to hear ye talkiu'." "There isn't much to tell," he re sumed, anxious to pleaso her, "except that I love her better than any one in the whole world and hope to make her my wife next week." "Better'n me?" she questioned, in a strange, surprised voice. Her dark eyes were looking out Yearningly from be neath their heavy lids, and Emory grew embarrassed under the searching gaze'. "My my love for you is something different like a father's for a child a brother's for a sister's," he stammered. "An' ye like her better'n me better'n me?" she repented the words in a Ir away voice. Then with a sudden move she threw her arms around his neck, drew his face down and kissed it, saying: "I like vou better u Clip better a tuo whole world. Vaii tiro mntlnff Iif talk too much, Emory, you remember the doctor said she must be kept quiet." It wa9 Jack Cranford who spoke. Tho younger man arose. "Yes," ho assented, huskily, "sho cannot bear agitation. Perhaps you can soothe her to sleep." He turned away nnd the next moment was striding up the mountain as if hop ing to escape tho torture that tilled his heart. "Good God, is it possible that that child has learned to care for me," ho asked himself. "Aud have I done aught to win her love. No, God knows I never dreamed of such a thing. I looked upon her as a child a guileless child to whom the sentiment of love was unknown." Dave Poole was the first man he met when he returned to camp an hour later. "How is Clipper?" he asked, glad that it was too dark for the mnn to ob sdrve his agitated air. " On the home stretch, I reckon, poor little gal! She's been asking for you," he repouded, blowing his nose vigorously, hoping thereby to keep tho tears from his eyes. Emory stepped softly into the tent where she lav. Death was dealing gently with her aye, even more gently than lifo had. A drawn look about the mouth was the only visible trace of his presence. Seeing her lips move, he drew near. " Bury me out on the hill where we went one day to git flowers. It is nigher heaven up there," was what she said. The day that she was laid to rest ou the hill that was nearest heaven the miners gathered around tho grave and sang "Tho Sweet By and By" for her requiem. It was the only sacred song they knew, and they sang it with fervor as if each hoped to meet poor little Clipper again " on that beautiful shore." Clip rather enjoyed tho excitement, probably for the reason that he did not comprehend his loss. The miners spoke more gently to him. Tho best of every thing in tho way of food was given him, and taking it all together ho had a very good time. In the years which followed, Emory tried, for Clipper's sake, to make an honest man of her brother, but, as tho poof child expressed it, "he'd steal every chance ho got," and at last reports Clip was serving, gratuitously, the State of California. ' A "Trouble-Man's" Life. The life of a telegraph company's line man is a laborious and dangerous one, and at times entails great hardship and exposure. In Philadelphia the AYestern Union company has live men whose whole duty is to repair damages to tho lino in or within a few miles of the city. Ono of these is George Riley, who went to sea for eleven years of his life and who has been in the employ of the company for the past fifteen years. In speaking of accidents in telegraph work he said " I here is some danger, of course, in linework, but as a rule it can be avoided if one is cool-headed and careful. The trouble with most men is that when they get acustomed to climbing they become careless nnd reckless and some times get bad falls. The only man oi our line that has been killed in my time was thrown to the ground by the break ing of a cross-bar. lhere are very narrow escapes, though. I have climb a polo that I thought was suund and found when near the top that it was soft and rotten i Once I fell about twelve feet, and only saved myself from falling to the ground by grabbing some wires. In Philadelphia the company has-nbout fifty poles that are from seventy to 100 feet high. Formerly we used to climb these liko the rest, but of Into years tho monsters aro fitted with iron steps, ami going up them is nearly as easy as going upstairs. I he steps were adopted be cause tho poles are valuable and tho climbing made holes in them and caused them to be exposed to the weather. One of these poles, is eighty feet high. Formerly we had either to climb this polo or to get to it from the roof. Tho jump from the mansard roof to the fourth cross-bar was fully five feet and the cross bar, seventy feet above the ground, was only three and a half inches broad. Y ou can imagine that this was a small foot hold lor such a jump, and yet we never missed it. The jump back to the roof was somewhat more daugcrous, there be ing a space of only sixteen inches to land on and a wall to hump against. I took the jump several times, but liked it less and less at every jump. "The best and boldest climber I know is Dick Pcnn, of Baltimore. lie has climbed old poles that broke under him, but, liko a cat, ho always falls on his feet. He doesn't use any monkey-wrench, as others do, in getting out the two-nud seven-eighths-inch bolts that fasten tho cross-bars to the pole, but pulls them out or kicks them out. A climber s outfit is generally a pair of climbing-irons, a pair of nippers to break wire with and a sec tion of wire say ten pounds. I have seen Penu climb a fortv-five-foot polo with 100 pounds of wire thrown over his shoulder. James urace, also a lineman, was the only other man who could climb with this weight. "They call us at the oflico 'trouble men,' for whenever there is anything wiong on the line we are sent to nx it. I'll ilu( Ijii iu Tiuttx. Dinner Gratis. Cocobal, the famous French sponger, throws oil all restraint whili he sees any chance of getting what he calls " a good blow-out." The way he invites himself to your table is as simple us it is irresisti ble. 1 he other evening he called on friend who was iust sitting down to dinner. " What, Gustavo, you are not huvmg dinner ulone, are your' he ex claimed, on entering. "I am, as you see." "An: but it is a bore to have to dine aloup. I'll tell you what, I'll iticri lice 9 you my evening for once!" THE ONE-EYED PASSENGER. HIS rELI.OW-TRAVri.rB3 THOUGHT HIM CHICKEU-HBARTED. Hut II Ir.-vrd 1ho Kovrro AVI.riv the ItOad Agent I'nint ! Went rm Stnget'unrh ICplftoilc. The Detroit Frcr Pre tells how a number of passengers traveling in a Western stage-coach were mistaken in one of their number, and how they found out their mistake. The passengers were discussing tho probabilities of being at tacked by "road agents." By-and-bye an army officer mentioned something about road ngents, and directly the con versation became interesting. I oaehes had been stopped nt various points on the line within a week, nnd it was pretty generally believed that a bad gang had descended on the route nnd were still ripe for business. The man with one eve had nothing to say. Once or twice he raised his head nnd that single eye blazed in the darkness like a lone stnr, but not a word cscnpcfl his mouth. The captain had said what he would, do in case the coach was halted, and this brought out the others. It was firmly decided to fight. The passengers had money to tight for and weajmns-to tight with. The man with one eye said nothing. At such a time and under such circum stances there could be but one interpreta tion of such conduct. "A coward has no business travel ing this route," said the enptain in voice which every man could hear. The stranger started up, and that eye of his seemed to shower sparks of fire, but, after a moment, he fell back again without having, replied. If ho wasn t chicken-hearted, why didn't he show his colors? If he in tended to fight where were his weapons ? He had no Winchester, aud so far as any one had seen as he entered the coach he was without revolvers. Everybody felt contempt for a man who calculated to hold up his hands at the order, and per mit himself to be quietly despoiled. "Pop! pop I haltl" Tho passengers were dozing as the sa lute of tho road ngents reached their ears. .The coach was halted in a way to tumble everybody together, and legs and bodies were still tangled up when a voice at the door of tho coach called out: "No nonsense now! Y'ou gentlemen climb right down here nnd up with your hands! Tho first man who kicks on me will get a bullet through his head !" We had agreed to fight. The captain had agreed to lead us. Wo were listen ing for his yell of defiance and the click of his revolver when he stepped down and out as humbly as you please. The sutler had been aching to chew up a dozen road agents, and now he was tho second man out. The surveyor had in timated that he never passed over the route without killing at least three high waymen, but this occasion ;vas to be an exception. In three minutes the five of us were down and in line nnd hnnds up, and the road agent had said : "Straight matter of business! First one who drops his hands won't ever know what hurt him!" WThere was the man with one eye? The robber appeared to believe that we were all out, and he was just approach ing the head of tho line to begitf his work when a dark form dropped out of the coach, and a revolver began to crack. The robber went down nt the first pop. His partner was just coming around the rear of the coach. He was a game man. lie knew what had happened, but he was coming to the rescue. Pop! pop! pop ! went the revolvers, their flashes lighting up the night until we could see the driver in his seat. R didn't take twenty seconds. One of the robbers lay dead iu front of us the other under tho coach, while the man with ono eye had a lock cut from his head and the graze of a bullet across his cheek. Not one of us had moved a fin ger. We were fivo fools in a row. There was a painful lull after the last shot, and it lasted a full minute before the strangei turned to us and remarked iu a quiet, cutting manner: "Gentlemen, ye can drop yer hands!" We dropped. We undertook to thank him, aud we wanted to shake hands, and somebody suggested a shake-purse for his benefit, but he motioned us into the coach, banged the door nfter us, nnd climbed up to a seat beside the driver. His contempt for such a crowd could not be measured. The Riches of Arizona. Governor Tritie, of Arizona, has made a report upon the progress and develop ment of that Territory. The Territory now claims a population of 73,000 and $20,000,000 iu taxable property. The dangerous and disturbing elements which have been such forcible factors in checking progress aro now well undel control. The value of the gold and sil ver products for tho year ended Decem ber ai, 1RH2, is !,2uH,a7, against (S,1!IH,7G0 in 1881. The yield of copper in 182 was 1.5,001,000 pounds. The combined value of the silver and copper product for 188:$ will be between fifteen and sixteen millions of dollars. This will place Arizona second on the list of bullion producers. Figures are given showing that a herd of 1U0 head of cat tle will in five years, by natural increase, number i!02 head. The number of sheep ia tho Territory is placed at JJOO.UOO, producing 2,400,000 pounds of wool yearly. Congress is asked to provide for tlv; boring of artesian wells, for a geo logical survey, for tho erection of a cajii tol, for an increase of pay of territorial legislators, and fur a fourth United States judge. Within ten years, writes a Western man, thirty California millionaires have died, and not cnu of them was dis tinguished in life for' anything but W wvaey. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. According to a writer in a foreign paper, animal oils arc-unsafe to use in air compressors, as tliey take fire spon taneously in compressed air, or, in other Words, they create an explosive gas. A specimen of vegetable wool is (f exhibition nt Amsterdam. It comes from Java. When It is freed from its leathery covering and the seeds, through a very simple process, it is worth between sixteen and seventeen cents a pound. Baron Mueller asserts that palm trees reach their extreme southern limit in New Zealand, where a noble species extendi as far as forty-four degrees south latitude. The most southern American members of the same tribe Kentia sapida ceases in La Plata, iu latitude thirty-four degrees. Germany has 500 mills for the manu facture of "wood pulp, and such a degree of perfection has been reached in its, manufacture that even for the better qdalities of paper it is a complete substitute for rags. W ood pulp consti tutes 8e.venty-five per cent, of the paper stock used In that country. The difficulty of dealing effectively with leprosy in India is that it is heredi tary, and it was not until late years that a rational system of treatment was adopted with'the lower order of natives. Now the isolation which had been prac ticed with this terrible disease since the days of Moses and proper hospital care may in a generation abate the evil. Kecent investigations at Hochst-on-the Main, where no fewer than 672 persons are employed in the aniline color works, co to prove that though aniline is ad mittcdly poisonous, none of the men who became ill died, and those engaged for citrhtecn years in the magenta house, at thoutrh reddened with dye even to the inside of the mouth, suffered no serious bad health. " The best quality of charcoal," says the Enmneer "is made from oak, maple, beech nnd chestnut. "Wood will furnish, when properly charged, about twenty per cent, of coal. A bushel of coal from pine weighs about twenty-nine pounds, A bushel of coal from hard wood weighs thirty pounds. About 100 parts ot oaK make twenty-three of charcoal ; the same quantity of red pine 22.10, and of white pine twenty-three." S. R. Canestrini has been experiment ing upon the effects of decapitation upon insects. Butterflies were able to use their wings eighteen days ter they had lost their heads. Crickets leaped on the third day nfter they had been beheaded and tho praying-mantis showed signs of life on the fourteenth day after the head had been separated from the body Re gives still more singular observations, tendinz to show that the head in insect cannot be subicct to the same perpetual strain as tho head in mammals in guiding the motions of the body. The Father's Search. No sadder story was ever told in the pnges of romance than that of the cruel abduction of little Charley Boss and the wanderings of the unhappy father, who has been dragging his sorrows about from place to place for nine weary years in a vain search for his lost child. Every new clew, wliile it brings with it hope, tears open the wounds of the parent's heart, and they bleed afresh. Every new dis appointment recalls the anguish of the first wretched hours of bereavement. If the child could be found and re stored to his parent nil the world would rejoice. Every heart would breathe a sileut prayer of thankfulness aud joy. But even then there would be a touch of sadness mingled with the bliss of re union. Poor Charley when stolen from his parents waB a little four-year-old prattler, with bright eyes and golden hair and merry laugh. Tho father will never again take the lost child to his heart as ho was in those days. To wholly heal tho wounds he has received it would be necessary to set back the hand of time to enable him to fondle with tho golden locks to hear the childish voice lis) its joy to kiss the fresh young lips as they used to be kissed in the happy days before the terri ble sorrow fell upon the family circle! This can never be. Little Charley is gone forever. The child, if found, will be a lad of thirteen or fourteen years, tried by adversity, probably without a memory of his past history of those who have suffered such anguish for his loss. No; there can be no thorough healing of the parent's sorrow in this sad case. But every heart will send up a sincere wish that he may discover his sou and that his weary search may at last be succeeded by such happiness as he can yet enjoy. Sew York World. A Chinese Passport. If you intend to proceed to the interior of that country by river, writes a corre spondent from China, you must get a "house boat" a sort of a monster gon dola built in junk fashion you must en gage a cook and interpreter, and you must finally obtain a passport, without which you may be turned back by any little mandnrin'e representative who may chance to challenge you. The house boat and cook were found for me by the energetic manager of the Hotel des Colo nies at Shanghai; the passport owing to tlie, care of the esteemed English consul i-Hice just in time to allow mo to avail biystjlf of a fair wind and a good strong tiilo. The passport would have made a first-rate sheet for a bed, both in point of size and toughness of material. What it said 1 shall never know. The man who inscribed it will carry his dread secret to the grave for all I can decipher. Suffice it to say that it contained upward of 400 largo Chinese characters, two alone covering nearly six square inches, and that by a Chinese gentleman of my acquaintance it w a pronounced "Welly cua ao, ' wuita v,8 utiiiactory, SOME DAY. Rome day I shall be dead, Rome day this tired head. With all the anxious thoughts it now doth know, Shall b3 laid low. This body, pnin-rarked, ill. Shall lie at length, and still, Under the clover an 1 the wind-swept &ra&S Nor hear you.pasg. That were, indeed, strange sleep, When even you might weep, And come, and go even you .nnheard of me As bird or bee. Nay, sweetheart, nay! believe Here is no-cause to grieve. One so wayworn, of trouble so opprest, Is glad of rest. i Fcrchance, when that release Hath wrought its spell of jiea, O'er this unquiet heart, long vcxt with woe, Heart's-ease may grow. Who loves me will not weep When that I lie asleep, But rather joy to think such sorrow may t Have end some day. Jmbella Grant Meredith. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Among the oldest of smokers Chim neys. When the giraffe wants a drink he knows what a long-felt want is. The shoemaker should know more than the doctor about the heeling art. l'ica yunr. When your husband has the malaria nsk him to go out and shake the carpet. ILirtford Journal. Emerson said : "There is always room for a man of force." He had probably met Sullivan in a crowd. The Judge. The following is extracted from a smart boy's composition on "Babies:" "The mother's heart gives 4th joy at tho baby's 1st 2th." The general introduction of oatmeal mush as a breakfast dish causes a stir in many a.household in the morning when only the cook is astir. Nothing is more common than ingrati tude. Notwithstanding the comfort we derive from a fire, it is the first thing to which we turn the cold shoulder. It doesn't hurt a man's back half so much to bend over at bowling, when he rolls twenty-pound baWs, as it does to bend over to black his shoes. Pud: She knew music, nnd painting, and style, And possibly knew how to llirt: But Saints of the Kitchen! she asked for A gridiron to iron a shirt. Mercliant-Traveler. AVhy is it that if a man loses his night key he never discovers the fact until ho arrives home after every one has gone to bed, and wants to open the door. Puck. A valuable exchange, publishes an article headed " Surprising a Minister." Some one, perhap.s.dioppcd a whole quar ter into the contribution basket. Bit march Tribune. " Augustus," she said, "why is there so much confusion in that store?" "I know not, dearest," he .simpered, "un less it is caused by that bustlo in the window." Frte Prem. Beneath the lealets yellow, In thq garden lone and murky. The most unhappy fellow Is the turkey, Who knows he won't bo livin? One day after Thanksgiving. Before a young man can court a Mexi can girl he has to tell her parents on tho door-steps of the house what his pros pects iu life are. If he says he is a curve pitcher for a champion baseball club, tho old folks say "go in." We have every reason to doubt the ex istence of the Giant's Causeway and the wonderful cliffs which aro said to lino the northern and western coasts of Ire land, as the island is well known to abound in shamrocks. Judge. " Will there be a hop to-night?" asked a boarder of another who had loved tho stock market " not wisely but too well." "Don't know about the hop, but there will be a skip if I can get my trunk out," was the reply. JJodon Bulletin. Tho Xorth American licvlew has an ar ticle on " Early Man in America." Oh, yes; but there's nothing scientific about iiim. He's the man that comes in at 3 o'clock in the morning singing "In tho morning by the blight light." llaicleye. Milling. John W. Maekey, the California bo nanza king, said 'to a reporter for tho St. Paul l'ioneer-Prctii : "Mining is tho most precarious business in tho world." "You can well afford to say it," the reporter retorted, "with $:!0,000,000 to your credit. But did you think so in 1800, when you were pushing nn ore car in the Ophir mine :" "I knew it then only in theory; for my salary of if 1 a day was ulwajs sure, and my wants were simple. You always hear of the successful iniuers. The men who disappear and are lost in Pauper alley are not so often quoted." A Trick on lie Trade. William Petty was a most successful gambler but by a queer trick. As he sat at the table with a pile of coin before him there lay at his hand a twenty-dollar gold piece that was hollowed out aud contained a mirror. By holding this at an angle of forty-five degrees behind a stack of coin in front of the denier he could see every card held by his opponents. He was recently arnv-ted at Portland, Oregon, with three false pieces iu his possession. lu a contest in the Milwaukee po-iollico one of tho clerks distributed 1,000 post4 cards la thirteen and gnodaf riautti,