RATES OF ADVEilTTSING.
One Spinro, one Inch, one insertion... (1 00
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Two Kunrrs, one year 16 00
Qnnrter Column, one year SO 00
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On Column, one year. ...100 00
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All bills for yearly advertisements oolleoted
inrlpr'y. Teniiorary advertisements mmt
r,p p.'iicl-i'i advance.
Job uorL, cn.-tii on delivery.
M nui.nmirn etkut wrnitiwiiil, T
J. E. WENK,
OfTloe in Smearbsugh ft Co.'s Buildin
ELM BTUEET, - TIONESTA, PA.
fl.BO I IE 11 YICATt.
No miWrlptinns received for ft shoitr poriod
t'mn Ihrro mon!i..
(! .ii- .-., ( (.(.)i(f.d from nil pari of t!it
im ii ' . N.iiiiniiowi 1 I'fltHk'U of amiuvnioiii
"'.nun i.i(r,(in.
VOL. 171. NO. 26.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1883.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
THE OIJD READINO CLASS,
I cannot toll you, faonovlevo, how oft it comes
to me
STaat rather young old reading class in Di.
f triefc Number Three,
That row of olocut.ionl.sts who stood to straight
' in lino,
And charged at standard literature with
amiable design. '
We did not spare the energy in which our
t words wore clad;
We gave the moaning of tho text by all tho
light we had j '
Hut Btill I fear tho 0:103 who wrote tho lines
we rood so froo
Would scarce have recognized their work in
District Number Thrco.
.4.
Outside the snow was smooth aud clean tho
winter's thick-laid dust;
Tho storm It made tho windows speak at ovory
sudden cunt;
Eilfcht fclotgb-bclla throw us pleasant words
When travelers would pass;
Tho lnaplo trees alcig tho road stood thlver-
ing in their class;
fccyond, the white-browed cottrges woronost-
Hng cold and dumb. .
And fur away tho mighty world seemed
beckoning us to coma
3 ho wondrous world, of which wo conned
w hat had been and might be,
In that old-fashioned reading class of District
Kurnber Three.
We took a hand at ITistory its altars, spires
( and flames
And uniformly mispronounced tha most im
portant names;
V.'s wandered through Biography, and gft vo
, our fancy play,
And with some subjocts fell in love "good
. only for ono day;"
In Ivo:nr.:-.xi and rhilosophy we settled many
a pv.int,
And uv.i'.s what poems wo assailed to creak at
every joint;
And many authors tlmt.-L you with mo
v.illngroo,
V.'cro first time introduced to us in District
Number Throe.
You recollect Susannah Smith, tho teacher's
ore distress,
Who nover stopped at any pause a sort of
day express I
And timid young Sylvester Jones, of incon
sistent sight,
m . . ... ... . - .
t jio stumuieu on uic easy words and read tho
hard ones right I
Aad Jennie Green, whoso doloful voice was
always clothed in black I
And Snmud Hicks, whoso tones induced the
plastering all to crack f
And Andrew Tubbs, wbosa various mouths
were quite a show to see t
Alas! we cannot find thorn now in District
Number Three,
And Jasper Jenckes, whose tears would flow
at each pathetic word
(He's in the prize-fight business now, and hits
them hard, I've heard) ;
And Bonny Bayno, whoso overy tone he mur
mured as in fear
fTT A t . . . . . .
ima tongue 13 not so wruu now; no is an auc-
tioneer);
And Lanty Wood, whoso voles was lust en-
Und leaped from hoarse to flarcoly shrill with
most surprising range ;
Also his sister Alary Jano, so full of Jprudlsh
n -
Alas! they're bolh in highsr schools than Dis
. triut Number Throe.
3o back these various voico3 come, though
long the yoar j have grown,
And sound uncommonly distinct through
Memory's telephone;
And some are full of nv:Iody, enduring asenso
of cheor,
And some can emits the rock of time, and
summon forth a tear;
But one sweet voice comes back to mo, when
ever sad I grieve,
And sings a song, and that" is yours, O peer
less Genevieve! 1
It brightens up the olden times, and throws a
smile at mo
A silver star amid tho clouds of District Num
ber Three,
Will CarUlon, in Harper's Magazine.
A HAPPY MISTAKE.
"No, life is not fair. Its troubles
are given to tho many; its pleasures
only to the few I" mused Mrs. Mer
riain .n she stood in her cottage door
looking after the fine carriage of an
old schoolmate that lial just dashed
by. " She lias so much, ana I so little I
And yet, I once had the opportunity of
accepting th;it rich, husband of her;i,
and t.he would have given her eyes in
those days, if Tom Merriam would
have cared for her as he cared for me !
. I wonder how it would have been if I
had takm Jacob Marabout, instead of
telling him that I was engaged to Tom,
and seeing real tears in his eje3 as ha
listened I I wonder if Tom 5ut
what am I thinkiDg of ? Iam quite
eure that Tom could never have cared
for her never I"
Mrs. Merriam's set faco softened a
little ns her memory went back to the
days wheii Tom" wooed and won her,
and when she was bo glad to secure
him after her long fear thatllermione
Uaey would be his chosen briil"""!
But the next moment the br, ,,tBun
light flashefJiponthe highly-vjiiahed
panels of rmione's pony carriage
far up the Vnorge road. She turned
away from the open door with a heavy
eigh and entered the plainly-furnished
Bitting-room w here her two little girls
were getting ready for school.
" Tut it away I Hide it under your
apron, Kosy, or mamma will see it 1"
she heard her twelve-year-old Inez say
in a frightened whisper as she laid
her hand on the latch of the door.
- Hosy wus tshullling something out of
sight under licr white pinaforo with a
very guilty fai'e. Both tho children
wero anxious to set off to school before
their usual time, and when the mother
had allowed th 'in to do so she saw
them turn out of their road to go to
their falhes, who was at work in the
field on the hillside.
Tiie two trim little figures stood on
the hilltop, in strong relief against the
pale-bluo horizon, and Kofly'n apron
was unfolded, and "father" was evi
dently mido the participator in tho
secret which " mother was not to
know I
It was n little thing, but it added to
the discontent with which the neat
and capab!o housekeeper went about
her usual tasks that morning. "
Tom Merriam was unusually silent
that noon when he came to dinner,
lie partook of tho tempting meal in
an absent-minded kind of way and
went back to tho hillside the moment
he had finished, instead of lingering
to talk to h'.B wife as h9 generally
did.
And yet this was her thirty-fourth
birthday ! Tom might have remem
bered it sufficiently to say a kind word
or two in praise of the extra good
dinner which she had given him. But
no ; thero he was on the hillside again,
and actually leaning over to talk to
llermiono Marabout as she drove by
on her way back to the beautiful llttlo
villa which her husband had taken for
her during his absence in Europe on
important business.
The hillside conference lasted nearly
ten minutes ; then the pony-carriage
rolled by the small brown farmhouse
once more ; but Hermione's faco was
persistently turned the other way.
"She has forgotten, tool" thought
Mrs. Merriam, bitterly. And yet her
own birthday comes only one week
after mine."
aha finished washing and putting
away her dinner dishes and swept the
kitchen floor. Her house was none
tho less spotlessly tidy because her
heart was aching.
fhe put on a ch?an dress of pink
print which she had made ready for
this very day.
In the pantry were four tiny leaves
of fruitcake one for each member of
the family which she had made in
secret, and tho wheaten bread, the
graham rolls, the chipped beef and
home-made preserves were ready tor
the supper table on the shelves.
Xowork wa3 pressing for this after
noon, l'or a week past 6 tie had
planned to secure four leisure hours at
this time, and now they hung heavily
and sadly upon Iter hands.
She wandered around from room to
room for a few moments, biting her
lips hard every now and then to keep
back the unwelcome tears. At last
she snatched up her sunbonnet, and
leaving tho house by the backdoor she
hurried across the garden and a small
neck of pasture land, and reached the
cool, green shadow of the pasture
wojds. ,
In the silence and beauty of the
maples she flung herself down and
burst into tears. Long, long she wept,
till the sadness and discontent whi. h
had been making her heart sore all
through the day were entirely gone.
liaising herself on her elbow at last
a quick whir of wings close beside her
cheek startled her. She searched
among the moss, and found under the
roof of three tiny maples, scarcely two
imheshigh, a lovely little hair-lined
nest with four little, warm white eggs
in it, the latest brood of the season
" I will not disturb you, pretty one,"
she said to the small, brown mother
who sat on a barberry bush close by
chirping pitnuliy.
She rose and walked on
The great trees rustled and waved
their green and arolden loaves about
over her head in the sunlight and fresh
air,
A brilliant red bird, with a jet-black
head and wings, flashed past ; a golden
robin chattered and scolded from a tall
ash at her, and a red squirrel barked
himself awry, just above tho robin's
head, when he saw her coming ; sweet-
scented thistle i, honest-raced mul
leins, and the cheerful golden-rod
werj in bloom on every side; black
berries, late raspberries and crimson
"Scotch-caps" overran the wouds, and
I arberry bushes hung full of yellow
ish iruit. A bird, unseen in the
depths of the forest, sang every mo
ment three flute-like notes, half-sweet,
half-sad. Toward the west a deep
bell tinkled melodiously, and the straw
berry roan-cow came in sight, leading
the re.st or the herd to higher pastures.
A woodchuck, standing on his hind
feet at the door of his home, bolted
down the narrow path as she passed by.
All was life, movement, happ ness,
sunshine, blue bkies and perfumed
breo.es, wherever she turned. She
stooped to wonder at the curious tun
nel that the wood-si ider wove for a
hiding place in the midst of her net,
the rounded shafts sunk through the
dried grass by the meadow-mole, and
tho buy ants carrying their eggs
about when a stone chanced to be up
turned, alike attracted and enchained
her attention.
Two hours passed beforo she was
awa,re of their lUght; and in all that
time she had forgotten to be unhappy.
" The woods have taught me a lesson
that. I needed," she thought, as she
turned back toward the lonely cottage
homo that had never before seemed
half so dear; "and I have had a pleas
ant birthday, after all."
By the back door feho entered her
Lome ajiain, Cilancing into the jiautry
as she passed 6he saw with surprise
that the materials for the birthday
least had vanished.
A confused murmur of voices
Bounded from the parlor. The dining-
room aoor stood wide open. There on
a table beautifully decorated with hot
house flowers were tho Jost dainties
in company with cakes, ices, fruita
and creams such as she had never sen
before; while on an improvised side
board stood the heavier viands cold
roast fowl, a ham, in paper frills,
and dressed with parsley, and a tongue.
speechless with astonishment the
farmer's wife crossed the hall and
Lpeeped into the parlor,
A beautiful rosewood arm-chair.
covered with crimson velvet a chaii -
such as she ha I always secretly longed
for, but never hoped to possess stood
near the open fireplace. Over the
carved and arched top Hermione
Marabout was arranging a wreath ol
golden-rod and field-daisies, while Tom
Merriam was fastening above the
wreath a finely-executed inscription,
painted in colors upon tinted paste
board. " Oh, do hurry, papa, pleasel" cried
Inez, dancing up and down in her Sun
day Blippers and best muslin frock
" Kosy and I saw her Just now coming
out of the woods, and oh, here she isP
TherMWjrji two screams of delight
from thelrpTof the children in theit
Sunday attire; and Tom Merriam
also dressed in his best turned from
the chair and added his embrace to that
of Inez and Rosy.
" Welcome, dear mother!" said the
glowing letters on the tinted board.
"Welcome, dear -wife!" whispered
her husband as ho kissed her.
" Inez painted the letters and I made
the wreath 1" cried Rosy, capering about
like a mad thing. "And we were so
afraid that you would Bee them both
this morning!" 1
"And papa bought the chair and hid .
it out in the barn all last night,"
chimed in Inez. "And dear Mrs.
Marabout has brought you oh, such
a lovely new black silk dress, and such
lots and lot3 of nice things for sup
perl And it is just the happiest birth
day in all tho world now isn't it,
mamma?"
"I congratulate you, dear; and 1
am afraid 1 envy you," said llermiono,
in a low tone, as she kissed her friend.
" I married for money, you know, and
have it; but that is all. Never once in
all my life, Esther, have I known the
loflttf. tt Ha A lAfttKaf f Anl iVlla Inn
v.iwow wvug Vi JKJJ vuau JUU At:t3A tUU uaji
You are a very happy woman, my dear.
May God keep you so 1"
With light hearts they all sat down
together to share tho birthday feast.
But in the twilight of that evening,
when they two were alone, the wife
confessed to her husband all the evil
thoughts that had beset her that day
Never again did they trouble her
Never has she forgotten tho silent
lesson taught her by that momentary
i. . - j u.t . .
iiLupau ul buo ii w j oiura tuab may VA'
ist in the most fortunate of human
lives. V. F. Benton.
Making Cross-Ejej straight.
A medical expert described to a No
York Times reporter his method oi
making cross-eyes straight as follows:
" The operation to be undergone by the
patient is simple and practically pain
less. For the convergent cases there
is no pain whatever, only a little an
noyance while the operator is reaching
the little muscle which has to be di
vided. I have performed the opera
tion hundreds of times on other people,
sometimes giving anesthetics, and
often with no such aid. The patient
is stretched on the table. I draw
apart with my fingers the lids of his
eyes and insert between them a little
steel instrument shaped like the letter
O. The sides of this expand by a
spring and force the lids open, dis-
closing the eyeball and the network of
muscles holding it in position and
directing its movements. When this
: r. ...... -.i: u .i r 1:. . 11
e&ptiuaiuij. 1a wjcuiupubiieu x up tun
muscle with a small pair of tweezers
and divide it with my instrument.
AVhen it is cut it feels to the patient
as if a small band of rubber was being
snapped. There is no pain at 'all.
Very often, however, painful opera
tions are performed. The muscle has
sometimes been divided too much, and
the error has to be rectified. This re
quires some stitches to be taken and a
new cut to be made. The patient must
be made unconscious while this is going
on." "Can you cure any case of stra
bismus ?" " I can benefit any ordinary
case, even when it can't be entirely
cured. I have often wished that I
could operate on Ben Butler. I think
I could give him as straight eyes as I
have in half an hour's time."
The Influence of Forests.
The inlluence of forest upon cli
mate and fertility is as yet but poorly
understood by even the more pro
fessional class of farmers. It is a
problem that can be solved only by
observations extending over consider
able perio.ts of time. But the influence
is plainly observable and its explana
tion simple. Strip the hills of theit
protecting forests, and the thin cover
ing of soil which overlays their rocky
slope will shortly be washed down into
the valleys and into the beds of streams
and rivers. Periodical freshets will
result which will eventually carry
away tho best soil from even the val
leys. One authority declares that il
the destruction ot the hill forests be
continued in Ohio, half the area of
that Mate will be sterile in fifty years.
I iic Courier
TlVVi. TTC TTiF HOP TYTCTTCTfT
Liilj m
FHB PASCTWATIOII OP HOP CULTURE
DESCRIBED.
How Fortnnra Are Marin and I.ont-An Agrf'
cultural Pnniiit With the Chances or the
Gaming Table.
Whoever makes a summer pilgrim
age westward from Albany by tho Al-
Dany and Susquehanna railroad, after
tho first thirty miles are passed, begins
to see a strange and unaccustomed
vegetation. Occasionally a luxuriant
growth of vine3 is met, which covers
the earth entirely from tho fervent
mid-day sun, and rises from twelve to
twenty feet in the air. lie is in the
outskirts of the hop district. It is
only after he has gained the summit,
about fifty miles west of the r apital
. city, and rolls swiftly down the long
slope of the Susquehanna valley, that
he realizes that the heart of hop-growing
America is reached, lie is in
Otsego a county which excels all
others in acreage and amount and
1 value of hops.
' Here the hop fields become larger
and more numerous. Hop-growers are
no longer the exception, but the rule.
! You may drive the whole day and
hardly pass a farm which has not from
two to fifty acres of the vine. This
acreage is constantly increasing. The
small grower of five years ago shows
his broad fields to-day, and even the
timid, old-fashioned farmer of that
, time has caught the infection, and
boasts a modest acreage of his own.
, The merchant, the mechanic, and even
the day laborer not infreimntly hires
a plot of ground from some neighbor
ing farmer, and "tries his fortune with
the rest. ' Instances are not uncom
mon of those who rent a few acres and
rely upon the crop produced, spending
the whole y?ar in an 1 about tho hop
yard. It is a mania; and, as in the oil
regions nothing is heard save oil yields
and on prospects, 10 here you hear
from year end to year end nothing save
a dreary iteration of hop prospects,
hop sales, hop yields and hop blight.
It is a region of unquestione I fertility,
and one of the best gracing and dairy
ing sections of the State. All the ce
reals furnish certain and abundant
harvests. The root crops are prolific
and the orchards redundant of fruit
ago. AIL however, are subordinate to
the uncertain hop industry, and tho
rich man looks for his luxurits and the
poor man for his necessities to the value
, m , 1
8 cr0P .alone'
Hop growing is always uncertain,
Therein lie3 much of its fascination.
It is the spirit ot Wall street carried
afield. The dairyman or grain grower
looks for but slight fluctuation in the
value of his produce from year to
year. A gain or loss of fifty per cent.
would be remarkable. Within a much
smaller limit he is safe. But the hop
cultivator knows that the price of this
vpar bpnra no diseover.ililn relation to
year bears no discoverable relation to
that of tho next. It may bo 00 cr
400 per cent, higher or lower without
exciting great surprise. As great
changes as that have occurred within
the last few months.
When we reflect that hops canunler
favorable circumstances be fitted for
market for ten cents per pound, and
that fifteen cents yields a margin of
profit, we get at the full significance
of these figures. Eight to ten cents
per pound has not infrequently been
the price for a year or more, followed.
it may bo the next season, by from
forty to fifty cents. Y'et the decline
is as sudden and unexpected. I have
in mind a grower who was some years
ago offered sixty-two and a half cents
a pound for his crop of 5,000 pounds
1 Refusing
to sell at that time
i he afterward accented five ctnts
per pound, which was much
: more than many others it-
1 ceived. Another so.d Ins whole crop
for if'JO. Ono man fe I them to his
shecp. while another used them for
1 1 1 1
. norsu-ueauiug,
But in tho overturn
of thinus produced by last
year's supposed immense shut
age some of those hops which hud by
some chance been kept, were s-old
for more than they wore worth when
new. It would bo interesting to know
if they have at last got into iise, or are
still kept in store, perhaps to pa-s into
a greater worthlessness than before.
The fa tors which produce this vast
flu tuation of prices are many, l'er
liaps thero Li no other plant subject to
so many vicissitudes of climate as the
hop. The root3 may winter-kill over
vast areas. A slow, iold summer may
retard the growth. A hot, wet August
may bring the mold in tho wakeol the
drealed insect enemy, the fly. The
louse, an immature fly, may cover the
leaves by thousands, causing that pe
culiar black and sh ning appearance
known as honeydew. Add to these
the depredations of the hop grub,
which, working under ground, de
stroys the roots, and the myriad forms
of caterpillars and of insect life which
make their home in tho hop planta
tions, and you get tome idea of the
enem es with which the planter must
contend. During the present year
there has been added to these a b'.ight,
the nature of which is not precisely de
termined. Many hills, after attaining
a height of from six to ten J:et, sud
denly stopped growing, and the head
or termin;d point took on a withered
appearance. This the plant seemingly
overcame in a few weeks, but later it
reappeared, atta"king tho ends of the
branches in the full grown vine. These
withered, dropped their leaves, and in
some cu.es became dry uu.l hard. The
loss from this cause will not be consid
erable this year, but no one knows its
cause or how to successfully contend
with it, and no little anxiety is felt
lest it reappear next season. New
York Sun. .
The Stimulus of Necessity.
Dr. Carpenter writes as follows in
the New York Medical Journal : What
can be in stronger contrast than the
sluggish life of the Orinoco Indian
for whom one day's labor (in tho
planting of a banana grove) is Baid by
llumooidt to be sumciem to proviae
food for the whole year, and who di
vides his time between sleeping and
smoking and the hardy activity of
the Swiss mountaineer, who toils
throughout the summer and autumn
in the cultivation or his small paten
of grain or potatoes for the needs of
his family, and scales heights that
most men would deem inaccessible to
collect their scanty herbage as win
ter's food for their beasts, using the
lorrf hours of his enforced confine-
t . m 1 n .a 11
meiic in some Kinu 01 SKiueu nauui
work which may enable him to pro
cure additional comforts for his home
or educational advantages for his chil
dren? And so, in the higher grades
of society, those who are born with a
silver spoon in their mouths too often
fall into habits 01 - mere diiet
tanteism, while thoso who enter
upon their career with good
educational preparation for it, but
without any other means of subsist
ence than what they can tnemseivea
earn, are, as a large experience shows,
those most likely to succeed. I need
not call to your minds cases so familiar,
to you as those of some of your own
presidents; but would rather draw my
illustrations from the fact well known
in my reputedly aristocratic country
that many of tho men who have
risen to highest eminence in the legal
profession, and have thereby gained
seats in our house of lords, have begun
life upon nothing, while those who go
to the bar with an income that places
them above the need of exertion, are
regarded as almost sure not to "get on."
The autobiography of the late Lord
Campbell and the biographical notices
that have made us acquainted with the
early year3 of the late Lord Justice
Lush are most instructive when re
garded in this aspect, showing what
steady determination may do without
any brilliant ability, when nerved in
the first instance by the " stimulus oi
necessity." And so it is with the most
of a. In proportion a3-our path ol
life is smooth we tend to fall into an,
automatic routine; but obstacles arise
which require some extraordinary ex
ertion to surmount them, and then
only do we become conscious of our
real strength that which lies in vigor
ous self-determination.
Clearing Stamp Land.
A correspondent of tho Country
Gentleman writes from Michigan"
We have here thousands of acres oi
what is called "stump land" land
from which the pine timber has
taken by lumbermen. Tho term
" btump land" is no misnomer, for
there are often a hundred pine stumps
to the acre. From a field of eight
acres in sight of me as I write, oOO
stumps have just been pulled. When
exposed to the weather pine decays
very rapidly, and one would suppose
that a few years after the timber was
cut the pine stumps could be easily
pulled; but such is not the case. Long,
stout roots are required to support a
pine tree 100 or 150 feet high, and na
ture strengthens the roots by saturat
ing them with resinous pitch. This
saves them from decay, and a pine
stump, forty years after the tree has
been cut, clings to the ground with al
most the same grim determination as
when first cut. But In spite of this,
stumps from twenty to forty inches in
diameter can be pulled with a good
machine at a cost of fifteen or twenty
tents each. A man who owns a good
stump puller here has just finished a
job of 1.8U0 pine stumps at flfttea
cents each for pulling, and tho same
price for burning. Theso stumps were
all standing cn thirty , acres of land,
and many of them were from thseo to
four feet in diameter.
T. e Amazons of Kurdistan.
The women of Kurdistan, says the
London V rily News, are stated to be
strongly opposed to tho census, and
even disposed to resist the curiosity of
the enumerators with their lives. Ac
cording to intelligence published in
the Indian papers they have for the
moment entirely frustrated an attempt
to take a census unvingthem in llian,
although the c -nsus oilicers were sup
ported by the military.
The wonun of several villages, "five
hundred fair and strong," marched out
in a body and attacked, the troops, who,
whether actuated by fear or gallantry,
turned and lied. It is added that the
Turkish authorities will find it no easy
task to overcome the resistance of an
inquisitorial visitation of their homes
by the Kurdish women, who are rather
famous for their Amazonian prowess.
Those who are familiar witii the de
tails of the Turco-Liussian war of 1855
will remember tho Kurdish lady who
went to Constantinople at the head of
a thousand horsemen of her own rais
ing in support of the national cause,
and para led and handled the.-e troops
with much effoct before the Turkish
udliUry authorities.
DESPONDENCY.
This sonnet wn written by " Siicfyvood lionnor"
nly short time before ber death.)
A soul which, anguish -smitten, nought releaai
From its own thoughts through weary boor
of night
Turned with new life to greot the morning
light,
And road in golden lines the longed-for peace.
When suddenly, mid all the fair increase
Of hope, the new-found Joys that round it
There stood, reproachful-eyed, a famished
guest,
Whose wanset look bade all delight to ceases
Wfll it be so hereafter f Shall we gain
The heaven we sought through life's long
night of care,
Only to find some word, once heard in vain,
Some duty, in sheer exercise of prayer
Left unfulfilled, start up to meet us there,
Bidding ns back to old remorse and pain t
7orper's Wtekly
HUM0B OF THE DAY.
Beauty Is but skin deep, at the drug
gists' varying prices per bottle. TUe
Judge.
Yeast compares his boarding-house
mistress to a frontiersman, for the
reason that she lives on the boarders.
The Newton (Iowa) Journal thinks
tho new electric wire fence will be
splendid around a melon patch. It
will be so shocking to the boys. ..
The scientific angler is the man who
goes fishing with $25 worth of tackle
and comes home with twenty-five cents
worth of fish. Norristown Herald.
He talked inanely of the arts,
And said some things about tho muse,
But aii the point that he conld moke
Was in his pointed, tooth-pick shoe'. '
ilerohant-Trateier.
Jealousy is so rampant now that a
nan can't chase his hat down street
without being accused of running
after the presidency. Waterloo Ob
tercet. A young lady, who has probably had
reason to doubt the veracity of tho
male biped, says batches of lies are only
equalel by the lies of baches. Boston
Transcript.
Why is it that a chicken will wan
dor around and never begin to scratch
in dead earnest until she gets on the
bed containing the most expensive
flowers in the garden? Fuck.
" Why do you call a stupid person a
stick?" asked Rollo one day. And
Rollo's father said he didn't know, un
less it was because one end was of no
more account than the other. Argo
naut. A young woman in an Ohio town
has married her brother's wife's father.
When last seen she was busy with a
compass and a dictionary trying to
tudy out what relation she was to
herself. Peck's Sun.
When you get pretty well up on tho
White Mountains, it is Baid you can
often see a rain storm below you. It
must be a decidedly healthy place. A
man don't ft el "under the weather"
there, you know. Statesman.
An Alabama ball club composed of
young la lies challenged a male nina
and beat them by 20 to 11. It might
be stated, however, that the males
were all married men, and accustomed
to knuckling under to the women
folks. Burlington Free Press.
A young miss of sixteen asks what
Is the proper thing for her to do when
Bhe is serenaded by a party of young
gentlemen at a late hour. We are
glad to be able to answer this ques
tion. Steal softly downstairs and
untie the dog. Rochester Exvrtss.
One fellow might hang around a surf
swimming place for weeks and never
have a chance to rescue a rich man's
daughter from a watery grave.
Another would grapple a million heir
ess the very first day, and be invited
to her house to dinner. It is all luck.
Picayune.
"The race is not always to tho
swift," especially when a young man
is met at the gate of pa's house, by his
greatly admired leaning on the arm of
a rival who had pieceded him by
several minutes by coming crosa lots
instead of sticking too closely to stone
pavements. Yonkers Gazette.
A hospital professor was making an
amputation in the presence of his
students; meantime the patient groaned
and sobbed. Irritated at hearing so
much groanin g, the prof essor said to the
patient: "Do me the favor to be
quiet, for we can't hear ourselves talk.
There are one hundred persons here at
least, and you are the only one who is
making any fuss." The Monitor,
Mexico.
" Is the man mad ?" "No, the man
Is not mad?" "Then, what makes
him yell so?" "lie is talking to a
man a mile away." " Through that
little instrument?" "Yes, through
tiat instrument of torture called a
telephone," ' Will he make the man
a mile away hear?" "Certainly he
will." "But he could doit ju.-t as
easily by yelling out of a window. '
44 Why, "does not the telephone work i"
"No, it dot's not work. Th man
using the telephone works. Jot that
down in your mvm." Htu tford l'o.-.t.
it is autnnnriTiYi'ry rremtcn tnat;
Tir am t.rOiiOi) nersons in New
j Y'ork and Brooklyn who receive char
itable ussi:-tance, and that a fewAN'
j these are entirely depi ndent upon c'
' it v for thu iit'eessar e.s of Lfn,
larger part of this quarter ol a '
it tknu pauper aru children,