(jc crest lirpuMiran RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Square, one inch, one insertion... $1 00 One Square, one inch, one month 8 00 ( ne Squnre, one inch, three month. . . 9 00 One Squnre, one inch, one year 10 00 Two Sqnnre, one year 18 00 Quarter Column, one year 80 00 Hnlf Column, one year AO 00 On Column, one year. 100 00 Iegnl notices nt established rates. Marriage and death notices gratis. All bills for yearly advertisement ooUected quarterly. Temporary advertisements most be paid in advance. Job work, cash on delivery. mnw.ignrn treat widjdat. rr J. E. WENK. Oflloe In Smoarbaugli A Co.'s Building ELM STREET, - TIONESTA, PA. TICUMH, l.5o IMC It YKAH. No subscriptions received for a ihorter period f-lwn throe months. r Oorrehpomlonro solicited from fill psrtsof the country. No ,loljoe wii j be ukjn of anonylIlou, VOL. 171. NO. 19. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15, 1883. $1.50 PER ANNUM. THY LOVE. It britflit-'ns nil tho cruel gloom l'l a. c'O'O.i round mo like n tomb, And 1111s my heart with summer bloom. It mnlies nvj qt:it.o forgot t'lo pain "3 hut g.iof hn w o iM within my brn.'n, AnJ brings a i'hsIi of joy n;;aiu. It male, the d srkivd nii;hl to mo Moro clear than over dny run I e, Tor in my dreams 1 am with tl oo. -.Irnuy l Mjctou; in Harper. ON THE S1IKIT RANCH. A MONTANA SKKTCIT. A driving, blinding snow, the sky 4wk and sullen, a wild wind sweeping over the plains, the mountains quilu aidden from view by the storm. '.inn threw nimo pine logs on the fire, drew together the red chintz cur lairis at t ie small window of her best room," tind tried t make things a tri fle cozier in the laich cabin. " Father will soon bo. home," she mid fho ha 1 fallen into the habit of talking to hers If tut in this lonfllv country, th s " new, far-YVe t." "lie Mil put the sho'p in the corral early ionlglit it is so stormy." . A small clocc on a shelf, which lerved at a mantel, and which was Imped uit'i soaio simple but prttty thintz, like tho curtain, ntruek four, kirn sighed a little as she heard it. How many times had she listened to that f ame sib cry chime it was a pretty little Freud; clock in h tppier flays in the dear Fast! Its musical lound recalled so much ! brought liack tho pretty, old - fashioned 'ew Fngland home so plainly. How her dreams had turned out! When her lather cam ) to her one fall .Say and (aid very gravely, " Zara, I tave lost money. This place must bo fold. I s'lall go West," her heart had leaped witii foolish jov. Mio ha I Breamed so often of tho AVest; she Inew it was a paradise, so free and wild. "lbughing it" would be o Very pleasant 1 Had sho not rea l in books alout it V o sho had only miileel at her father's grave face and xclaimcd: "1 am so glad we tire going West ! Ve shall make our fortune . there, I know7 She w as jr yfiger then barely sev- rnteen. s A-a twenty-two now had been roughing it" live years. She waf vfiiT. The lovely Xtw England home had oeen sold, all debts paid- for Zara h sslyn's father was strictly honorable t and father and daughter had sought the West tho great, undeveloped tir - titory of Montana. Mr. Josslyn's re- rnaimng capital, which was not large, Ovl been invested in sheep, ifca years came and went tho littl Bock of theep grew larger, and money came in a little more plentifully; but Mr. Josslyn had not made "a for tune yet, anil life on a ranch was not rasy. Zara lined, se n tly, for the Fast. She hated these desolate plains, the barren ' foot-hills.' the deeply-f ur- . rowed, snowy mountains, so dillerent from thewooded New Fngland hills. Ag;I?rrflie little giit clock chimed this time, live. "T wonder father does not come !" exclaimed Zara, rising from a low foot-bench by tho tire, where she had been sitting thinking for the last hour, fcho went to tho window, and parting the curtains vainly tried to peer through tho darkness. The wind moaned and wailed, the snow blew against tho window-pane. Zara shiv ered and drew back. As sho did so ihe caught the sound of voices. Lamp In hand she hurried to the door. "Go right in," she heard her father say; "don't wait tor me. Just tell her you are from the Fast that will be sufficient recommendation !" Then Zara saw her father turn toward the barn leading another horse beside his own, nnd a tall man, well jnuilled, came striding up the path from the gateway. "May 1 come in?" asked the Gran ger, pausing for a moment at the door and rais'ng a fur cap. "Certainly," leplied Zara, and re treated into the warm, fire-ht room. The tall man followed, and quickly divesting himself of his snow-covered outer wrappings, drew near the blad ing fire. My name is Storey William Sto rey, he said, smiling; "and your tatn er advises mo to tell you that l am from tho East." Zara Biniled also. "Father knows how glad I am always to koo any one from home," she 6aid. "1 have been in Montana, however, all this fall," Mr. Storey went on to eay, "and 1 come hero nearly every fall to hunt. Montana is good hunting ground. But I have lingered a little too long among the Kockies this time ; winter has overtaken me 1 "It ia our first real snowstorm, but It makes ono feel it ought to ba J ami arv instead of November !" Zara said, with a siL'h, as a gust of wind beat wildly acain-t the ranch cabin. " ou do not like the AVe.-t'" asked her c.onmanion. mlaneing up at the vountr trirl's tomewhat sad faro. "No; 1 thoujV a i suouiu nice u, out it is very elisajy binting." Then sud denly, her face k ladling: " Have you ever been in Maine V Have you ever passed through .1 little town called Laurel e" she askt e eagerly. Yes, to both questions." replied Storey, agiin anillleir. "I stopped to Mount Desert one summer. It la a lovely little nook." " Oh, is it not 1" cried tho young girl, with almost a quiver in her "voice. " 1 lived there once. I was so happy there I" As sho spoke hor father threw open the front door and came In, well whitened by the storm. Zara hastened t ) help him off w ith his great, shaggy, butTalo-skin coat, and then drew another chair to the fire fcr him. Almost her first words were : "Father. Mr. Storey has been to Laurel 1" Mr. Josslyn laughed. " You couldn't have been to a better place, according to this foolish child," lie said, addressing his guest. Then Zara slipped away, leaving the two men to enjoy the crackling pine logs while she prepared something hot for supper. In a short time she re appeared and f aid : " We use our kitchen for a dining room. Will you come to supper.please '( ' Storey rose Immediately, and with his host followed the young girl into a low-ceiled but exquisitely ne it-room. Zaia presided nt the head of the small round dining-tablo, and poured fragrant coffee into quaint, real china cups. " These came from home," she said, proudly, ae she handed William Storey ono of the dainty blue and white treas ures. Tho evening was spent in pleasant chatting, andp is-ed so delightfully to the young gin that sho fairly stared at tho little clock when it struck 11. A 1 ed was made up in tho "best ro in," as Mr. Jos-slyn's cramped shetl 1 cetroom, opening, as Zara's did, out of tho kitchen, was not deemed suffi ciently comfortable for the guest. And when William Storey fell asleep that night he dreamed of the little red- curtained room in which he lay, and saw Zara pretty, ginish face with the ire-glow upon it, just as he haJ seen it when awake. The next morning tho sun shone brightly, bf-t all about tho ranch lay the snow in gleaming white drifts. " i on had better remain with us to day," said Mr. .Jos-dyn after breakfast, glancing out the window as he spoke. " 1 should like to," said Storey, "but I think ought to go back to I?oze man. My room-mate (another East ern man, Miss Josslyn) will be looking for me. lr you will let me, 1 will ride out in a day or two and see you again, for next week I go home." Zara gave a little longing sigh at his last words. lie was going home. How she wished she could go I Later she stood with her father in the doorway and watched their guest depart. The sunlight fell full upon her wistful young face, and JStorey thought how very pretty sho was as he rode away. In a few davs he returned, as lie bad said he would. Zara received him with evident pleasure. " ! iither has gone to iook am r the sheep," she said, " but he will be home to dinner, lie will be very glad to see ou, I know." Storey sat down on the rude, home made lounge, and Zara took her favorite seat, the foot-bench by tho fire. " I go home to-morrow," said Storey "go home, I mean,; to your dear Last, smilingly. "-o soon I ' cried tho young girl. I am coming back next fall for another hunt. May I come and see you then?" "You will never come, said zara simply. " I will never come I w ny r asked tho young man in surprise. " 1 ou wilt forget all about us in tnat time a whole year from now." "Suppose I don t forget, will vou be glad to see me when 1 comeV" inquired Storey with sudden eagerness, and leaning tow ard Zara so as to get a better view of her half-averted face. " Yes, I shall 1 e glad to see you." The answer sounded a little cold, but Storey wa not dissatisfied, some how. It was late in the day not until aftt r dinner, some time, that the young man took his departure. lie rode away with no little reluctance, ami ara lingered long in the doorway watching him. Tho short Montana summer was barely over the cottonwood trees were still yellow and the air was yet quite warm and pleasant, when one af ternoon, toward sunset, Zara looked up from her sewing and saw a tall, hand some man coming toward the house on horseback. "Mist Josslyn 1'' cried a well-re membered voice. Zara rose, trembling a little, from tho doorsteps where she had been sit ting. Sho wore quite a Joyous ex pression, Storey thought, secretly pleased, as he lett his horse to graze by the gato and hastened toward the young Kiri. Are you glad to see me? ' he in quired, eagerly, taking .ara s band. ' You know I am glad 1" she x claimed, her face flushing under lid earnest gaze. " Father and I hare talked of you so often," she went on; "you know our life is so quiet and monotonous here that your coming to us last fall was quite an event. " I am very glad. My coming to you was quite an event to nie, I assure you. In all my raiuVliOga since j; left you during tU gay season at the seaside this summer ' even 1 could not get this lonely littla riinch out of my head, somehow. Your wistful face haunted me indeed it did 1 I grow unreasonably impatient to see well, Montana again. I tried to reason with myself ; you had for gotten me, most likely, I thought ; but in vain I I pictured you about you: every-day life could see the shadow deepening in your eyes and ono day I cried aloud : 'It is a shame for so young a creature to bo buried !' And a few hours later I was on the train, bound for Montana 1" William Storey had spoken with no littlo eagerness and excitement, and as Zara sat beside him on the steps, and listened, her cheeks had grown a deeper crimson. She did not speak at first when he had finished, but continued looking off, across tho plains, at the fast sinking sun. At length she said, her voice a littlo unsteady : ' I am so glad you did come back." " Zara 1" cried her companion, im petuously, " I came bavk to tell you I love you I I think I must have loved you before I left you last fall, but I hail always scorned the very idea, even, of love at first sight, and I had only met you twice. But when once away from you separated from you, with thousands of miles between us I became impatient to see you. Your 'dear East' had no charm for me. I longed for your Jonely ranch ; I rea soned with myself many times, but it va3 of no use I realized that I loved you ; I was foolish enough, Zara, to think I could te ieh you to love me." The sun had quite gone now, the mountains shone darkly purple against tho clear amber of the sky, the air was fresh and just a little chill. Zara shivered ; from excitement though, more than cold. " Have you nothing to say to me? Is my case then so hopeless a one ?" asked William Storey, taking one of the young girl's hands in his and look ing gravely in her face. "Will you not bo sorry for this? Are you quite sure it is love, not pity, you feel for me?" Zara ventured, tremulously. "I shall never be sorry I love you! Fity would not cause me to ask you to be my wife ! All I want to make me as perfectly happy as one can bo in this world is your love. Can you will you learn to love me, Zara?" " I do love you I The sunset glow faded ; the stars gleamed out ; a great, yellow moon rose over the eastern hills and flooded the valley with a brilliant light. YV hen Mr. Josslyn returned home he was considerably surprised. There was no supper ready ; the fire in the "best room" was not lit, as it was wont to be these cool fall evenings ; the front door stood wide open, mid Zara usually prudent Zara was sitting on tho steps, bare-headed, utterly regardless of the night air, talking very earnestly to AVilliaiu Storey ! Only ono short year, yet what a change it had made in Zara's young life 1 Xo longer, when she looked from her window, did she see desolate, bleak, sage-grown plains, belted by snow-crowned mountains. A most lovely flower garden, framed in by meadow lands, yellow with golden rod, through which ran a clear little brook, tind bounded by blue, wooded hills in the distance, met her delignted eye. How very happy she was I Almost a year had sho been William Storey's wife; almost a year since the quiet little wedding at llozeman had taken place, and she had left the great territory the wild "new far-West" forever. She was in Laurel now, in her old home, bought for her by her husband shortly after their arrival East. Soon Zara's father was coming to her; that was another pleasure in store for her. The sheep quite a numerous flock now were to be left with a com petent herder, Mr. Josslyn having every thing arranged to his satisfaction. The fortune predicted by Zara in her girlish enthusiasm had not quite been realized as yet, but Mr. Josslyn was by no means a poor man any longer, and was heard often to assert triumphantly that "a sheep ranch is certainly a paying investment if well ma n age d 1" 2 ' e Co ntinmt. 1'oople Who Disappear. Five hundred men. women and chil dren disappear in New York every year and are reported as mysteriously lost. Those who read newspapers hear of their disappearance, but only in exceptionable instances of their re covery. What becomes of tbir great herd of absentees? Do they ever re turn? Or, once sucked under in tho mail whirlpool of feverish metropoli tan life in which only the sum, not the individual, counts, are they nevermore ctist up to the surface and to the sight of men? The question is answered by the police bo ike. Under an improved ystem of recording missing persons and following up the inquiry at stated intervals, data have accumulated since the beginning of the present year that justify the conclusion that live-sixths of those sought for turn up, and that when they do the mystery of their ab sence is reduced to a very small mini mum. Ac io York Iftrald. M ,M Yhat clas-t of men have the most putieacg y Physicians, of cour- , THE BAD BOY dETS A FROG. JTD PUTS THE LITTLE JUMPES IS BIS PA'S BED. Thn Old Cientleinnn Tklnka lis I Rtrnrk With .Pnralyuls and Yell HI Hindi of Murder. " Uncle Ezra says pa used to play tricks on everybody." remarked the jad boy to the grocery man. "I may Je mean, but 1 never played jokes on blind people, a pa did when he was a Joy. Uncle Ezra says one e there was a party of four blind vocalists, all girls, gave an entertainment at the town where pa lived, and they stayed at the hotel where pa tended bar. Another thing, I never sold rum, either, as p.i did. Well, before tho blind vocalists went to bed, pa caught a lot of frogs and put them in the beds where the girls were to sleep, and when the poor blind girls got into b:d the frogs hopped all over them, and the way they got out was a caution. It is bad enough to have frog3 hopping all over girls that can see, but for girls that aro deprived of their sight, and don't know what anythingis, except by thi feeling of it, it looks to me like a pretty tough joke. I guess pa is sorry now for what he did, 'cause when Uncle Ezra told the frog story, I brought home a frog and put it in pa's bed. Pa has b?en afraid of paralysis fory. ars, and when his leg or anything gets asl.ep, he thinks that is the end of him. Uefora bedtime 1 turned the conversation onto paralysis, and told about a man about pa's age having it on the west pidc, and pa was nervous, and soon after ho retired I guess the frog wanted to get acquainted with pa, 'cause pa yelled six kinds of murder, and we went into his room. You know how cold a frog is. Well, you'd a dide to see pa. lie laid still and said hh end had come, and Uncle Ezra asked him if it w.n the end with a he id, or the feet, and pa told him paralysis had marked him for a victim, and he could feel that his left leg was becoming dead. He said he could feel the cold, clammy hand of death walking up him, and hn wanted ma to put a bottle of hot water to hi3 feet. Ma got the bottle of hot water and put it to pa s feet, and the cork came out and paid Fald he was dead sura enough, now, be cause he was hot In the extremitie s, and that a cold wave was going up his leg. Ma asked him where the cold wave was, and he told her, nnd she thought she would rub it, but she began to yell the same kind of murder pa did, and she said a snake had gone up her slesve. Then I thought it was time to stop the circus, and j. reached up ma's laco sleeve and caught the frog by the leg and pulled it eiut, and told pa I guessed he had taken my frog to bed with him, and I showed it to him, and then he said I did it, and a boy that would do such a thing would go to perdition a sure as preachin', and I asked him if he thought a man who put frogs in tl e beds with blind girls, when lie wai boy, would get to heave.i, and then he told me to lite out, and I lit. I guess pa will feel better when Uncle Ezra goes away, cause he thinks Uncle Ezra talks too much about old times. Well, here conies our baby wagon, and I guess pa ha? done penance long enough, and 1 will go and wheel the kid aw hue Say, you call pa in, after I take the baby wagon, and tell him you don't know how he would get along without such a nice boy as me, and you can charge it in our next month's bill. ' Pick's An Ape's Revcnye. Apes, when their anger is aroused, are very dangerous creatures, as they will dare almost anything in order to avenge their wrongs. Many of their deeds of revenge are well known, but the following anecdote, which comes from Italy, is as amusing as any wq have yet heard of. 11 Kosso, a eUs ciple of Angelo, resided in Florence in a house overlooking a garden belong ing to some friars. 11 Itosso possessed an ape which was on friendly terms with one of his anprentices called liattistoni, who emj 1 yed the animal to steal the friars' grapes, letting it down into tho adjacent garden and drawing it up again by a rope. Th grapes being missed a watch was set, and one day a frinr caught the ape ia tho very aet. Ho tried to inlli t a thrashing, but the ap got tho best of it and escaped. 11 Uuso, however, was sued, and his pet sentenced 1 1 wear a weight on its tail. Lut few days elapsed ere the culprit had an opportunity of avenging this insult. While tho friar was performing mass at a neighboring ehurch, the ape e limbed to th ' part of tlio root under which the altar stood, and to u-e Yasari's words. " performeel so lively a daneo with the weight em his tail that there was not a tile or vase left unbroken ; an 1 on the friar's return a torrent of lamentations wai heard that lasted three days." llarpsr'n Yotmj I'eiple, The Law About DranbridPK. In reply to an inquiry on tho sub ject, the secretary of the tre-asury states that no special acts of Congress regulate the conditions fur opening drawbridge! em all navigable M aters of this cjuntry, but that if a private citi : en be aggrieved by the closing of a draw.be has Ms actiem at common law for ela'nages; and po.-tdb'.y, understate statutes, a drawbridge which was not properly and seasonably opened might, leindicttd us u nuisance. " ' SELECT SIFTIXGS. In some rart3 of Siberia a wife costs eight dogs. To short-sighted persons the moon appears to have a blue fringe. Chemical analysis shows that the human brain is eighty per cent, water. A Spanish crrandee has an entire bedroom suite of furniture made of glass. A London physician. says that the English sparrow i3 subject to the email dox. A watch made entirely of iron and In perfect running order was exhibited in a Wocestershire fair recently. Mrs. Mary Austin, of Washington, Ga., died recently. She had been the mother of forty-tour children, includ ing six sets of triplets. Color blindness is more common among Quakers than among persons of any other religious faith, which is supposed to be bee ause of their indif ference to color. The white perch of the Ohio are noted for the musical sounds they make. The sound is much like tha produced by a silk thread placed in a window where the winu wows acrossJt. An island about three acres in ex tent, recently discovered olf the coast of California, is almost paved with the eggs of sea fowl, and the discoverers think that it is the greatest bird's nest in the world. The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, toler ance; toafrienel, your heart; to your. child, a good example; to a lather, ciei erence; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to your self, respect to all men, chanty. The great sandstone anvil of the mound builders is in possession of the CincinnatiS ociety ot Natural History, It was found some miles above Iron- ton, Mo., by Dr. II. II. Hill, a success ful collector of American relics. This anvil is composed of very sharp grit, contains over 100 depressions, weighs about 500 poulids. and measure s eight feet nine inches at its greatest circum ference. In Catholic and Trotestant countries, the year 11)00 will not be a leap-year, they all having aelopted the Gregorian calendar. In countries where the Greek church is established (Russia and Greece) the old Julian calendar still holds, and thoso cjuntries will count it a leap-year. After February, 11)00, therefore, the difference between the two calendars, which is now twelve days, will become thirteen days, and will remain so until 2100, tne year 200) being a leap-year in both the Julian and Gregorian calendars. Tha rule for leap-year may be thus stated according to the Gregorian calendar, which diifers from the Julian emly ia a special treatment of the century years : All years whose index-number (1883 is the index-number of the pres. ent year is divisible by four are leap- years, unless (1) their index-number is divisible by one hundred (century years). In that case they are not leap years, unless (2) their index-numbe-r is divisible by lour liunetreu, in wiuch case they are leap-years. Thus, 1700, 1S00, 11)00 and 2100 are not leap-years, while 1G00, 2000 and 2400 are. Something About Tennis. Although the revival of the ancient game of tennis, which is now generally known as lawn tennis, is of reient growth, the t-port is simply a mo loca tion of the pastime familiar to tha English people in the time ef Shakes. peare. They, in turn, uoiroweei met game from the French. There can be little doubt that the sport arose eut of "hand-ball," or. as it was called by tha Fre-nch, palm-play, so-calleel because the exercise censisteei in receiving jne ball and driving it back again with the palm of the hand. In former times they plnye'd with tho naked ban 1, then with a glove. Afterward it became the fashion to bind cords and tendons around the hands to make tho ball re bound more forcibly. From this habit the racquet derived its origin. During tho timo of Charles 1. hand tennis waj exceedingly popular in France, being played for " largo sums of money. Su strong was the passion for betting upon tho game that the nobility, aftej losing all they had about them, would pledge their wearing apparel. Ac cerJing to Laboureur, a French histo rian, the Duke of liurgundy, "having lost sixty francs at palm-play with the Duke eif IJourbon, Messire William de Lyon and Messire Guy do la Tri meuille, and not having money enough to pay them, gave his girdle as a pledge) for tho remainder, aud shortly after ward he left tho same girdle with thtj Count D'Eu for eighty francs which he lost at tennis." Indeed, it was very common in those times to negotiate girdles instead of bon is in betting transactions. In the fifteenth century regular and fixed rules were introduced in tho game for tho first time-, and covered courts were erecteel. In tho sixteenth century tennis ceuirta were quite com. inon in England, and the sport was liberally encouraged by the sovereigns. In a work publisheel by Ileieile in li58 there is a picture of a le-nnis court, dividend by a linn stretched in the mid dle', and the players standing ou either side with their racquets ready to re ceive and re turn the ball, which the rule a of the game required to be struck ovyr tUe lifle, .i-f.- UUtttl. MOTH-EATEN. I had a beautiful garment, And I laid it by with care; I folded it close with lavender leaves In a napkin fine and fair. " It is far too costly a robe," I laid, "For one like me to wear." Bo never at morn or evening, Ipnt my garment on; It lay by itself under clasp and key In tbe perfumed dusk alone, Itfl wonderful broidery hidden, Till many a day had gone. There were gnests who came to my portai. There were f rionds who sat with me, And, clad in soberest raiment, I bore them compary; I knew I owned the beautiful robe, Though its splendor none might see. There where poor who stood at my portai, There wore orphaned sought my care; I gave them tenderest pity, But had nothing beside to spare: 1 had only the beautiful garment, And the raiment for daily wear. At last, on a feast day's coming, I thought in my dress to shine; I would please myself with the lnster Of its shifting colors fine; I would walk with pride in the marvel Of its rarely rich design. So out from the dust I bore it The lavender fell away And fold on fold I held it up To the searching light of day. . Alas 1 the glory had periihed While there in its place it lay.' Who seeks for the fadeless beauty, Must seek for the ufs that seals To the grace of a constant blessing , The beauty that use reveals. For into the folded robe alone, The moth with its blightning steals. MarqaretE. Sangsler. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Tampering with the maila-VThe co quette. ,. f Oh, meet me by moonlight alona Blythely sang the fresh young bard . Who fainted when he heard the tone Of the dog in the back yard. The collegian's passport: "No," said the college man, "I don't care a copper whether I get a degree or not; Fve got my skull-and-crossbones pin and that's a passport into any society." Boston Transcript. He who says a "pair of stairs,' means only one stairs. He who spoaks of a ladder might just as consistently say a "pair of ladders." It is only when you tumble downstairs that the steps double on you. "Is that about the right length, sir;'" asked the skillful barber, as he finished cutting his customer's hair. ," I like the sides and back," was the response; "but I wish you would make it a little longer on the top." One of the lovelie.-t spectacles in this world is to watch tho expression of rapture that passes over the face of the dude as he sucks lemon up through a straw, rolls his eyes and rubs his ears together at the back of his head. Puck. It is said that the number of women who reach 100 years and upward is pearly double that of lbng-lived men. AV'omen don't invent patent lire es capes and exhibit their workings. And fhey don't stay out so late o' night, teither, inhaling the miasma of the tight air. ft'orristown Herald. The Popular Science Monthly has directions "how to act in a tornado," JLmt fails to tell a man how to comport himself in caso he should hurriedly pass a lady friend about 2,000 fet in tho air, both on the top wave of a cy clone. AVould it be proper to doff the hat, or would the cyclone care for that little courtesy 'Hartford Post. "The boat has turned over and drowned your son," said a man, ap proaching a fishing party, nnd address ing an old gentleman. "Great good ness 1" exclaimed the o!d man, burst ing into tears. " lie was my hope in this life. He was the best boy on the place; and, beside that, ho had the baitcup with him. Arkansaw True ehr, " What influence has the moon on the tide?' tho teacher asked John Henry. And John Henry said it depended on what was tied ; if it was a dog it made him how l, and if it was a gate, it untie I it, just as sewn as a cow or the young man came along. It is such tilings as this that make school-teachers want to lie down and dio every day at 1 o'clock. Hawkeyey Miss Jenny Marks, of lialtimore. won a sewing machine by making a guess at tho number ef pills in a bot tle in a winelow. There were 2",100 pills in the bottle', and she guessed 25,100. There were over 5,000 guesses, and the weirst one was a guess of lJ,000,0(K). The man who guessed It.OOO.ODO was one of those fellows win get their educatiem by reading gas inetcrs. Derrick. "I scream with iifTrit'l't when a niouta O llllUK iu Kl'llt " Said a girly i;irl to hereifliauoe, one eve. "lbi-reuiu when u'.oao in the Uurkue (it home, AnJthuHthe inonotouous sileie e re'ieve : I tore;ou whoa iu lei that otioulJ auuku all the dertd, If uiy bloop it dUturbud by a horrid old Oieaiu, Ari'l wlieu alter tea, you drop ultoak ma 'J oi-troll wuh you out iu ihe uiooiiliht,' 1 scream. " ' 1 over night gn.ee ut ntl yi my wa, i ii"