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VOL. 171. NO. 19.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15, 1883.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
THY LOVE.
It britflit-'ns nil tho cruel gloom
l'l a. c'O'O.i round mo like n tomb,
And 1111s my heart with summer bloom.
It mnlies nvj qt:it.o forgot t'lo pain
"3 hut g.iof hn w o iM within my brn.'n,
AnJ brings a i'hsIi of joy n;;aiu.
It male, the d srkivd nii;hl to mo
Moro clear than over dny run I e,
Tor in my dreams 1 am with tl oo.
-.Irnuy l Mjctou; in Harper.
ON THE S1IKIT RANCH.
A MONTANA SKKTCIT.
A driving, blinding snow, the sky
4wk and sullen, a wild wind sweeping
over the plains, the mountains quilu
aidden from view by the storm.
'.inn threw nimo pine logs on the
fire, drew together the red chintz cur
lairis at t ie small window of her best
room," tind tried t make things a tri
fle cozier in the laich cabin.
" Father will soon bo. home," she
mid fho ha 1 fallen into the habit of
talking to hers If tut in this lonfllv
country, th s " new, far-YVe t." "lie
Mil put the sho'p in the corral early
ionlglit it is so stormy."
. A small clocc on a shelf, which
lerved at a mantel, and which was
Imped uit'i soaio simple but prttty
thintz, like tho curtain, ntruek four,
kirn sighed a little as she heard it.
How many times had she listened to
that f ame sib cry chime it was a
pretty little Freud; clock in h tppier
flays in the dear Fast! Its musical
lound recalled so much ! brought
liack tho pretty, old - fashioned 'ew
Fngland home so plainly.
How her dreams had turned out!
When her lather cam ) to her one fall
.Say and (aid very gravely, " Zara, I
tave lost money. This place must bo
fold. I s'lall go West," her heart had
leaped witii foolish jov. Mio ha I
Breamed so often of tho AVest; she
Inew it was a paradise, so free and
wild. "lbughing it" would be o
Very pleasant 1 Had sho not rea l in
books alout it V o sho had only
miileel at her father's grave face and
xclaimcd: "1 am so glad we tire going
West ! Ve shall make our fortune
. there, I know7
She w as jr yfiger then barely sev-
rnteen. s A-a twenty-two now
had been roughing it" live years.
She waf vfiiT.
The lovely Xtw England home had
oeen sold, all debts paid- for Zara
h sslyn's father was strictly honorable
t and father and daughter had sought
the West tho great, undeveloped tir
- titory of Montana. Mr. Josslyn's re-
rnaimng capital, which was not large,
Ovl been invested in sheep,
ifca years came and went tho littl
Bock of theep grew larger, and
money came in a little more plentifully;
but Mr. Josslyn had not made "a for
tune yet, anil life on a ranch was not
rasy. Zara lined, se n tly, for the
Fast. She hated these desolate plains,
the barren ' foot-hills.' the deeply-f ur-
. rowed, snowy mountains, so dillerent
from thewooded New Fngland hills.
Ag;I?rrflie little giit clock chimed
this time, live.
"T wonder father does not come !"
exclaimed Zara, rising from a low
foot-bench by tho tire, where she had
been sitting thinking for the last hour,
fcho went to tho window, and parting
the curtains vainly tried to peer
through tho darkness. The wind
moaned and wailed, the snow blew
against tho window-pane. Zara shiv
ered and drew back. As sho did so
ihe caught the sound of voices. Lamp
In hand she hurried to the door.
"Go right in," she heard her father
say; "don't wait tor me. Just tell
her you are from the Fast that will
be sufficient recommendation !"
Then Zara saw her father turn
toward the barn leading another horse
beside his own, nnd a tall man, well
jnuilled, came striding up the path
from the gateway.
"May 1 come in?" asked the Gran
ger, pausing for a moment at the door
and rais'ng a fur cap.
"Certainly," leplied Zara, and re
treated into the warm, fire-ht room.
The tall man followed, and quickly
divesting himself of his snow-covered
outer wrappings, drew near the blad
ing fire.
My name is Storey William Sto
rey, he said, smiling; "and your tatn
er advises mo to tell you that l am
from tho East."
Zara Biniled also. "Father knows
how glad I am always to koo any one
from home," she 6aid.
"1 have been in Montana, however,
all this fall," Mr. Storey went on to
eay, "and 1 come hero nearly every fall
to hunt. Montana is good hunting
ground. But I have lingered a little
too long among the Kockies this time ;
winter has overtaken me 1
"It ia our first real snowstorm, but
It makes ono feel it ought to ba J ami
arv instead of November !" Zara said,
with a siL'h, as a gust of wind beat
wildly acain-t the ranch cabin.
" ou do not like the AVe.-t'" asked
her c.onmanion. mlaneing up at the
vountr trirl's tomewhat sad faro.
"No; 1 thoujV
a i suouiu nice u, out
it is very elisajy
binting." Then sud
denly, her face k ladling: " Have you
ever been in Maine V Have you ever
passed through .1 little town called
Laurel e" she askt e eagerly.
Yes, to both questions." replied
Storey, agiin anillleir. "I stopped
to Mount Desert one summer. It la a
lovely little nook."
" Oh, is it not 1" cried tho young
girl, with almost a quiver in her "voice.
" 1 lived there once. I was so happy
there I"
As sho spoke hor father threw open
the front door and came In, well
whitened by the storm.
Zara hastened t ) help him off w ith
his great, shaggy, butTalo-skin coat, and
then drew another chair to the fire fcr
him.
Almost her first words were :
"Father. Mr. Storey has been to
Laurel 1"
Mr. Josslyn laughed.
" You couldn't have been to a better
place, according to this foolish child,"
lie said, addressing his guest.
Then Zara slipped away, leaving the
two men to enjoy the crackling pine
logs while she prepared something hot
for supper. In a short time she re
appeared and f aid :
" We use our kitchen for a dining
room. Will you come to supper.please '( '
Storey rose Immediately, and with
his host followed the young girl into
a low-ceiled but exquisitely ne it-room.
Zaia presided nt the head of the
small round dining-tablo, and poured
fragrant coffee into quaint, real china
cups.
" These came from home," she said,
proudly, ae she handed William Storey
ono of the dainty blue and white treas
ures. Tho evening was spent in pleasant
chatting, andp is-ed so delightfully to
the young gin that sho fairly stared at
tho little clock when it struck 11.
A 1 ed was made up in tho "best
ro in," as Mr. Jos-slyn's cramped shetl
1 cetroom, opening, as Zara's did, out
of tho kitchen, was not deemed suffi
ciently comfortable for the guest. And
when William Storey fell asleep that
night he dreamed of the little red-
curtained room in which he lay, and
saw Zara pretty, ginish face with the
ire-glow upon it, just as he haJ seen
it when awake.
The next morning tho sun shone
brightly, bf-t all about tho ranch lay
the snow in gleaming white drifts.
" i on had better remain with us to
day," said Mr. .Jos-dyn after breakfast,
glancing out the window as he spoke.
" 1 should like to," said Storey, "but
I think ought to go back to I?oze
man. My room-mate (another East
ern man, Miss Josslyn) will be looking
for me. lr you will let me, 1 will ride
out in a day or two and see you again,
for next week I go home."
Zara gave a little longing sigh at his
last words. lie was going home.
How she wished she could go I
Later she stood with her father in
the doorway and watched their guest
depart. The sunlight fell full upon
her wistful young face, and JStorey
thought how very pretty sho was as he
rode away.
In a few davs he returned, as lie bad
said he would. Zara received him
with evident pleasure.
" ! iither has gone to iook am r the
sheep," she said, " but he will be home
to dinner, lie will be very glad to see
ou, I know."
Storey sat down on the rude, home
made lounge, and Zara took her
favorite seat, the foot-bench by tho
fire.
" I go home to-morrow," said Storey
"go home, I mean,; to your dear
Last, smilingly.
"-o soon I ' cried tho young girl.
I am coming back next fall for
another hunt. May I come and see
you then?"
"You will never come, said zara
simply.
" I will never come I w ny r asked
tho young man in surprise.
" 1 ou wilt forget all about us in tnat
time a whole year from now."
"Suppose I don t forget, will vou be
glad to see me when 1 comeV" inquired
Storey with sudden eagerness, and
leaning tow ard Zara so as to get a
better view of her half-averted face.
" Yes, I shall 1 e glad to see you."
The answer sounded a little cold,
but Storey wa not dissatisfied, some
how.
It was late in the day not until
aftt r dinner, some time, that the young
man took his departure. lie rode away
with no little reluctance, ami ara
lingered long in the doorway watching
him.
Tho short Montana summer was
barely over the cottonwood trees
were still yellow and the air was yet
quite warm and pleasant, when one af
ternoon, toward sunset, Zara looked up
from her sewing and saw a tall, hand
some man coming toward the house on
horseback.
"Mist Josslyn 1'' cried a well-re
membered voice.
Zara rose, trembling a little, from
tho doorsteps where she had been sit
ting. Sho wore quite a Joyous ex
pression, Storey thought, secretly
pleased, as he lett his horse to graze
by the gato and hastened toward the
young Kiri.
Are you glad to see me? ' he in
quired, eagerly, taking .ara s band.
' You know I am glad 1" she x
claimed, her face flushing under lid
earnest gaze. " Father and I hare
talked of you so often," she went on;
"you know our life is so quiet and
monotonous here that your coming to
us last fall was quite an event.
" I am very glad. My coming
to you was quite an event
to nie, I assure you. In all my
raiuVliOga since j; left you during tU
gay season at the seaside this summer '
even 1 could not get this lonely littla
riinch out of my head, somehow.
Your wistful face haunted me indeed
it did 1 I grow unreasonably impatient
to see well, Montana again. I tried
to reason with myself ; you had for
gotten me, most likely, I thought ; but
in vain I I pictured you about you:
every-day life could see the shadow
deepening in your eyes and ono day
I cried aloud : 'It is a shame for so
young a creature to bo buried !' And
a few hours later I was on the train,
bound for Montana 1"
William Storey had spoken with no
littlo eagerness and excitement, and
as Zara sat beside him on the steps,
and listened, her cheeks had grown a
deeper crimson.
She did not speak at first when he
had finished, but continued looking off,
across tho plains, at the fast sinking
sun.
At length she said, her voice a littlo
unsteady :
' I am so glad you did come back."
" Zara 1" cried her companion, im
petuously, " I came bavk to tell you I
love you I I think I must have loved
you before I left you last fall, but I
hail always scorned the very idea,
even, of love at first sight, and I had
only met you twice. But when once
away from you separated from you,
with thousands of miles between us
I became impatient to see you. Your
'dear East' had no charm for me. I
longed for your Jonely ranch ; I rea
soned with myself many times, but it
va3 of no use I realized that I loved
you ; I was foolish enough, Zara, to
think I could te ieh you to love me."
The sun had quite gone now, the
mountains shone darkly purple against
tho clear amber of the sky, the air was
fresh and just a little chill. Zara
shivered ; from excitement though,
more than cold.
" Have you nothing to say to me?
Is my case then so hopeless a one ?"
asked William Storey, taking one of
the young girl's hands in his and look
ing gravely in her face.
"Will you not bo sorry for this?
Are you quite sure it is love, not pity,
you feel for me?" Zara ventured,
tremulously.
"I shall never be sorry I love you!
Fity would not cause me to ask you to
be my wife ! All I want to make me
as perfectly happy as one can bo in
this world is your love. Can you
will you learn to love me, Zara?"
" I do love you I
The sunset glow faded ; the stars
gleamed out ; a great, yellow moon
rose over the eastern hills and flooded
the valley with a brilliant light.
YV hen Mr. Josslyn returned home he
was considerably surprised. There
was no supper ready ; the fire in the
"best room" was not lit, as it was
wont to be these cool fall evenings ;
the front door stood wide open, mid
Zara usually prudent Zara was
sitting on tho steps, bare-headed,
utterly regardless of the night air,
talking very earnestly to AVilliaiu
Storey !
Only ono short year, yet what a
change it had made in Zara's young
life 1 Xo longer, when she looked
from her window, did she see desolate,
bleak, sage-grown plains, belted by
snow-crowned mountains. A most
lovely flower garden, framed in by
meadow lands, yellow with golden rod,
through which ran a clear little brook,
tind bounded by blue, wooded hills in
the distance, met her delignted eye.
How very happy she was I
Almost a year had sho been William
Storey's wife; almost a year since the
quiet little wedding at llozeman had
taken place, and she had left the great
territory the wild "new far-West"
forever. She was in Laurel now, in
her old home, bought for her by her
husband shortly after their arrival
East.
Soon Zara's father was coming to her;
that was another pleasure in store for
her. The sheep quite a numerous
flock now were to be left with a com
petent herder, Mr. Josslyn having
every thing arranged to his satisfaction.
The fortune predicted by Zara in
her girlish enthusiasm had not quite
been realized as yet, but Mr. Josslyn
was by no means a poor man any
longer, and was heard often to assert
triumphantly that "a sheep ranch is
certainly a paying investment if well
ma n age d 1" 2 ' e Co ntinmt.
1'oople Who Disappear.
Five hundred men. women and chil
dren disappear in New York every
year and are reported as mysteriously
lost. Those who read newspapers hear
of their disappearance, but only in
exceptionable instances of their re
covery. What becomes of tbir great
herd of absentees? Do they ever re
turn? Or, once sucked under in tho
mail whirlpool of feverish metropoli
tan life in which only the sum, not the
individual, counts, are they nevermore
ctist up to the surface and to the sight
of men?
The question is answered by the
police bo ike. Under an improved
ystem of recording missing persons
and following up the inquiry at stated
intervals, data have accumulated since
the beginning of the present year that
justify the conclusion that live-sixths
of those sought for turn up, and that
when they do the mystery of their ab
sence is reduced to a very small mini
mum. Ac io York Iftrald.
M ,M
Yhat clas-t of men have the most
putieacg y Physicians, of cour- ,
THE BAD BOY dETS A FROG.
JTD PUTS THE LITTLE JUMPES IS
BIS PA'S BED.
Thn Old Cientleinnn Tklnka lis I Rtrnrk
With .Pnralyuls and Yell HI Hindi of
Murder.
" Uncle Ezra says pa used to play
tricks on everybody." remarked the
jad boy to the grocery man. "I may
Je mean, but 1 never played jokes on
blind people, a pa did when he was a
Joy. Uncle Ezra says one e there was
a party of four blind vocalists, all girls,
gave an entertainment at the town
where pa lived, and they stayed at the
hotel where pa tended bar. Another
thing, I never sold rum, either, as p.i
did. Well, before tho blind vocalists
went to bed, pa caught a lot of frogs
and put them in the beds where the
girls were to sleep, and when the poor
blind girls got into b:d the frogs
hopped all over them, and the way
they got out was a caution. It is bad
enough to have frog3 hopping all over
girls that can see, but for girls that aro
deprived of their sight, and don't know
what anythingis, except by thi feeling
of it, it looks to me like a pretty tough
joke. I guess pa is sorry now for
what he did, 'cause when Uncle Ezra
told the frog story, I brought home a
frog and put it in pa's bed. Pa has b?en
afraid of paralysis fory. ars, and when
his leg or anything gets asl.ep, he
thinks that is the end of him. Uefora
bedtime 1 turned the conversation onto
paralysis, and told about a man about
pa's age having it on the west pidc,
and pa was nervous, and soon after ho
retired I guess the frog wanted to get
acquainted with pa, 'cause pa yelled
six kinds of murder, and we went into
his room. You know how cold a frog
is. Well, you'd a dide to see pa. lie
laid still and said hh end had come,
and Uncle Ezra asked him if it w.n
the end with a he id, or the feet,
and pa told him paralysis had marked
him for a victim, and he could feel
that his left leg was becoming dead.
He said he could feel the cold, clammy
hand of death walking up him, and hn
wanted ma to put a bottle of hot
water to hi3 feet. Ma got the bottle
of hot water and put it to pa s feet,
and the cork came out and paid Fald
he was dead sura enough, now, be
cause he was hot In the extremitie s,
and that a cold wave was going up his
leg. Ma asked him where the cold
wave was, and he told her, nnd she
thought she would rub it, but she
began to yell the same kind of murder
pa did, and she said a snake had gone
up her slesve. Then I thought it was
time to stop the circus, and j. reached
up ma's laco sleeve and caught the
frog by the leg and pulled it eiut, and
told pa I guessed he had taken my
frog to bed with him, and I showed it
to him, and then he said I did it, and
a boy that would do such a thing
would go to perdition a sure as
preachin', and I asked him if he
thought a man who put frogs in tl e
beds with blind girls, when lie wai
boy, would get to heave.i, and then he
told me to lite out, and I lit. I guess
pa will feel better when Uncle Ezra
goes away, cause he thinks Uncle Ezra
talks too much about old times. Well,
here conies our baby wagon, and I
guess pa ha? done penance long enough,
and 1 will go and wheel the kid aw hue
Say, you call pa in, after I take the baby
wagon, and tell him you don't know
how he would get along without such
a nice boy as me, and you can charge
it in our next month's bill. ' Pick's
An Ape's Revcnye.
Apes, when their anger is aroused,
are very dangerous creatures, as they
will dare almost anything in order to
avenge their wrongs. Many of their
deeds of revenge are well known, but
the following anecdote, which comes
from Italy, is as amusing as any wq
have yet heard of. 11 Kosso, a eUs
ciple of Angelo, resided in Florence in
a house overlooking a garden belong
ing to some friars. 11 Itosso possessed
an ape which was on friendly terms
with one of his anprentices called
liattistoni, who emj 1 yed the animal
to steal the friars' grapes, letting it
down into tho adjacent garden and
drawing it up again by a rope. Th
grapes being missed a watch was set,
and one day a frinr caught the ape ia
tho very aet. Ho tried to inlli t a
thrashing, but the ap got tho best of
it and escaped. 11 Uuso, however,
was sued, and his pet sentenced 1 1
wear a weight on its tail. Lut few
days elapsed ere the culprit had an
opportunity of avenging this insult.
While tho friar was performing mass
at a neighboring ehurch, the ape
e limbed to th ' part of tlio root under
which the altar stood, and to u-e
Yasari's words. " performeel so lively
a daneo with the weight em his tail
that there was not a tile or vase left
unbroken ; an 1 on the friar's return a
torrent of lamentations wai heard that
lasted three days." llarpsr'n Yotmj
I'eiple,
The Law About DranbridPK.
In reply to an inquiry on tho sub
ject, the secretary of the tre-asury
states that no special acts of Congress
regulate the conditions fur opening
drawbridge! em all navigable M aters of
this cjuntry, but that if a private citi
: en be aggrieved by the closing of a
draw.be has Ms actiem at common law
for ela'nages; and po.-tdb'.y, understate
statutes, a drawbridge which was not
properly and seasonably opened might,
leindicttd us u nuisance. " '
SELECT SIFTIXGS.
In some rart3 of Siberia a wife costs
eight dogs.
To short-sighted persons the moon
appears to have a blue fringe.
Chemical analysis shows that the
human brain is eighty per cent, water.
A Spanish crrandee has an entire
bedroom suite of furniture made of
glass.
A London physician. says that the
English sparrow i3 subject to the
email dox.
A watch made entirely of iron and
In perfect running order was exhibited
in a Wocestershire fair recently.
Mrs. Mary Austin, of Washington,
Ga., died recently. She had been the
mother of forty-tour children, includ
ing six sets of triplets.
Color blindness is more common
among Quakers than among persons
of any other religious faith, which is
supposed to be bee ause of their indif
ference to color.
The white perch of the Ohio are
noted for the musical sounds they
make. The sound is much like tha
produced by a silk thread placed in a
window where the winu wows
acrossJt.
An island about three acres in ex
tent, recently discovered olf the coast
of California, is almost paved with the
eggs of sea fowl, and the discoverers
think that it is the greatest bird's nest
in the world.
The best thing to give to your enemy
is forgiveness; to an opponent, toler
ance; toafrienel, your heart; to your.
child, a good example; to a lather, ciei
erence; to your mother, conduct that
will make her proud of you; to your
self, respect to all men, chanty.
The great sandstone anvil of the
mound builders is in possession of the
CincinnatiS ociety ot Natural History,
It was found some miles above Iron-
ton, Mo., by Dr. II. II. Hill, a success
ful collector of American relics. This
anvil is composed of very sharp grit,
contains over 100 depressions, weighs
about 500 poulids. and measure s eight
feet nine inches at its greatest circum
ference. In Catholic and Trotestant countries,
the year 11)00 will not be a leap-year,
they all having aelopted the Gregorian
calendar. In countries where the
Greek church is established (Russia
and Greece) the old Julian calendar
still holds, and thoso cjuntries will
count it a leap-year. After February,
11)00, therefore, the difference between
the two calendars, which is now twelve
days, will become thirteen days, and
will remain so until 2100, tne year
200) being a leap-year in both the
Julian and Gregorian calendars. Tha
rule for leap-year may be thus stated
according to the Gregorian calendar,
which diifers from the Julian emly ia
a special treatment of the century
years : All years whose index-number
(1883 is the index-number of the pres.
ent year is divisible by four are leap-
years, unless (1) their index-number
is divisible by one hundred (century
years). In that case they are not leap
years, unless (2) their index-numbe-r
is divisible by lour liunetreu, in wiuch
case they are leap-years. Thus, 1700,
1S00, 11)00 and 2100 are not leap-years,
while 1G00, 2000 and 2400 are.
Something About Tennis.
Although the revival of the ancient
game of tennis, which is now generally
known as lawn tennis, is of reient
growth, the t-port is simply a mo loca
tion of the pastime familiar to tha
English people in the time ef Shakes.
peare. They, in turn, uoiroweei met
game from the French. There can be
little doubt that the sport arose eut of
"hand-ball," or. as it was called by tha
Fre-nch, palm-play, so-calleel because
the exercise censisteei in receiving jne
ball and driving it back again with the
palm of the hand. In former times
they plnye'd with tho naked ban 1, then
with a glove. Afterward it became
the fashion to bind cords and tendons
around the hands to make tho ball re
bound more forcibly. From this habit
the racquet derived its origin. During
tho timo of Charles 1. hand tennis waj
exceedingly popular in France, being
played for " largo sums of money. Su
strong was the passion for betting
upon tho game that the nobility, aftej
losing all they had about them, would
pledge their wearing apparel. Ac
cerJing to Laboureur, a French histo
rian, the Duke of liurgundy, "having
lost sixty francs at palm-play with the
Duke eif IJourbon, Messire William de
Lyon and Messire Guy do la Tri
meuille, and not having money enough
to pay them, gave his girdle as a pledge)
for tho remainder, aud shortly after
ward he left tho same girdle with thtj
Count D'Eu for eighty francs which
he lost at tennis." Indeed, it was very
common in those times to negotiate
girdles instead of bon is in betting
transactions.
In the fifteenth century regular and
fixed rules were introduced in tho
game for tho first time-, and covered
courts were erecteel. In tho sixteenth
century tennis ceuirta were quite com.
inon in England, and the sport was
liberally encouraged by the sovereigns.
In a work publisheel by Ileieile in li58
there is a picture of a le-nnis court,
dividend by a linn stretched in the mid
dle', and the players standing ou either
side with their racquets ready to re
ceive and re turn the ball, which the
rule a of the game required to be struck
ovyr tUe lifle, .i-f.- UUtttl.
MOTH-EATEN.
I had a beautiful garment,
And I laid it by with care;
I folded it close with lavender leaves
In a napkin fine and fair.
" It is far too costly a robe," I laid,
"For one like me to wear."
Bo never at morn or evening,
Ipnt my garment on;
It lay by itself under clasp and key
In tbe perfumed dusk alone,
Itfl wonderful broidery hidden,
Till many a day had gone.
There were gnests who came to my portai.
There were f rionds who sat with me,
And, clad in soberest raiment,
I bore them compary;
I knew I owned the beautiful robe,
Though its splendor none might see.
There where poor who stood at my portai,
There wore orphaned sought my care;
I gave them tenderest pity,
But had nothing beside to spare:
1 had only the beautiful garment,
And the raiment for daily wear.
At last, on a feast day's coming,
I thought in my dress to shine;
I would please myself with the lnster
Of its shifting colors fine;
I would walk with pride in the marvel
Of its rarely rich design.
So out from the dust I bore it
The lavender fell away
And fold on fold I held it up
To the searching light of day. .
Alas 1 the glory had periihed
While there in its place it lay.'
Who seeks for the fadeless beauty,
Must seek for the ufs that seals
To the grace of a constant blessing ,
The beauty that use reveals.
For into the folded robe alone,
The moth with its blightning steals.
MarqaretE. Sangsler.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Tampering with the maila-VThe co
quette. ,. f
Oh, meet me by moonlight alona
Blythely sang the fresh young bard .
Who fainted when he heard the tone
Of the dog in the back yard.
The collegian's passport: "No,"
said the college man, "I don't care a
copper whether I get a degree or not;
Fve got my skull-and-crossbones pin
and that's a passport into any society."
Boston Transcript.
He who says a "pair of stairs,'
means only one stairs. He who spoaks
of a ladder might just as consistently
say a "pair of ladders." It is only
when you tumble downstairs that the
steps double on you.
"Is that about the right length,
sir;'" asked the skillful barber, as he
finished cutting his customer's hair.
," I like the sides and back," was the
response; "but I wish you would
make it a little longer on the top."
One of the lovelie.-t spectacles in
this world is to watch tho expression
of rapture that passes over the face of
the dude as he sucks lemon up through
a straw, rolls his eyes and rubs his ears
together at the back of his head.
Puck.
It is said that the number of women
who reach 100 years and upward is
pearly double that of lbng-lived men.
AV'omen don't invent patent lire es
capes and exhibit their workings. And
fhey don't stay out so late o' night,
teither, inhaling the miasma of the
tight air. ft'orristown Herald.
The Popular Science Monthly has
directions "how to act in a tornado,"
JLmt fails to tell a man how to comport
himself in caso he should hurriedly
pass a lady friend about 2,000 fet in
tho air, both on the top wave of a cy
clone. AVould it be proper to doff the
hat, or would the cyclone care for that
little courtesy 'Hartford Post.
"The boat has turned over and
drowned your son," said a man, ap
proaching a fishing party, nnd address
ing an old gentleman. "Great good
ness 1" exclaimed the o!d man, burst
ing into tears. " lie was my hope in
this life. He was the best boy on the
place; and, beside that, ho had the
baitcup with him. Arkansaw True
ehr, " What influence has the moon on
the tide?' tho teacher asked John
Henry. And John Henry said it
depended on what was tied ; if it was
a dog it made him how l, and if it was
a gate, it untie I it, just as sewn as a
cow or the young man came along.
It is such tilings as this that make
school-teachers want to lie down and
dio every day at 1 o'clock. Hawkeyey
Miss Jenny Marks, of lialtimore.
won a sewing machine by making a
guess at tho number ef pills in a bot
tle in a winelow. There were 2",100
pills in the bottle', and she guessed
25,100. There were over 5,000 guesses,
and the weirst one was a guess of
lJ,000,0(K). The man who guessed
It.OOO.ODO was one of those fellows win
get their educatiem by reading gas
inetcrs. Derrick.
"I scream with iifTrit'l't when a niouta
O llllUK iu Kl'llt "
Said a girly i;irl to hereifliauoe, one eve.
"lbi-reuiu when u'.oao in the Uurkue (it
home,
AnJthuHthe inonotouous sileie e re'ieve :
I tore;ou whoa iu lei that otioulJ auuku all
the dertd,
If uiy bloop it dUturbud by a horrid old
Oieaiu,
Ari'l wlieu alter tea, you drop ultoak ma
'J oi-troll wuh you out iu ihe uiooiiliht,'
1 scream. " ' 1
over night gn.ee ut ntl yi my wa,
i ii"