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m ftm.itnr.n ivaat wnmmsDAi, it
J. E. WENK.
Dmoe in Smearbangh A Oo.'i BniMin g
ELM STREET, . TIONE3TA, PA.
TKIIMH, ILSOPKIt YEAH.
ji?thr??ffi rCeiVe1 fr ' ,h0rter PPri0d
Oorrtwinnidenco solicited from itll psrtiof Uie
VOL. IV1, NO. 19.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15, 1883.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
THY LOVE.
It brightens nil thu cruel gloom
Tt a, c'o rnimd mo like n tomb,
And iills my heart with summer bloom.
It makes mo (juito forget t'10 pain
That g.iof bin w o:ight within my brn.'n,
An.l bring a t'ash ot joy nnin.
It mate (hp d irliesf nirlit to mo
More fhiiir than over day can I e,
Tor iu my dreams I am with tl go.
Ji nny 1'. l!i,ifltr, in Harper.
UN TIIK SHEEP RANCH.
A MONTANA SKETCH.
A driving, blinding snow, the sky
Bark and sullen, ;i wild wind sweeping
over the plains, the iti.ttintains
aidden from view by tho storm.
'.am threw more pine logs on the
fire, drew tether the red chintz cur
tains at, tie small window of her " best
room," and tried t make tilings a tri
fle cozier in (lie laich cabin.
Father will soon be. home," she
iidf ho had fallen into the habit of
talking to hers 'If tut in this lonfllv
country, th's " new, far-We t." "lie
J ill juit theslio-p in the corral early
. .o-night it is so Bt-irmy."
. A small clocc on a shelf, which
lerved n a mantel, and which was
Si aped vit'.i somo simple but pretty
Miintz, like tho curtain, ntruck four,
-ant sighed a little as she beard it.
How many times had she listened to
that f aino sihery chime it was a
f retty little Fi end; clock in h ippier
flays in tho dear East ! Its musical
found recalled so much ! brought
back tho pretty, old-fashioned Mew
England homo so plainly.
How her dreams had turned out!
When her lather cam j to her one fall
.Hay and tad very gravely, " Zara, I
tave lost money. This place must bo
old. I shall go West," her heart had
leapt tl with foolish joy. tsho ha 1
(reamed so often of the West; she
Inew it was a paradise, so tree and
wild. "Hnigliiug it" would be so
Very pleasant ! Had sho not real in
looks al.out it? So s'.io had only
imiletl at her father's grave face and
ixelainnd: "I am so glad we are going
West I "We sluill make our lortune
. there, I knowj
She was igcr then barely sev-
cnteen. S.' jftas twenty-two now
bad been joughing it" five years.
She was1 xfit r.
The lovely New England home had
oeen sold, all debts paid--for Zara
it sslyn's lather was strictly honorable
, and father and daughter had sought
the West tho great, undeveloped ti r
- tifory of Montana, Mr. Josslyn's re-
jnaining capital, which was not large,
04J heen invested in sheep.
years came and went the little
flock of sheep grew larger, and
money came in a little more plentifully;
but Mr. Josslyn had not made "a for
tune ' yet, and life on a ranch was not
easy. Zara pined, se r tly, for the
l'.ast. alienated these tlesolate plains,
the barren "foot-hills,' the deeply-furrowed.
SnoWV mountains, so tlillprenr.
from thewooded Mew England hills.
AgitrSrSie little gi;t clock chimed
this time, five.
"T wonder father does not come !"
exclaimed Zara, rising from a low
foot-bench by tho tire, where she had
been sitting thinking for the last hour.
She went to the window, and parting
the curtains vainly tried to peer
through the darkness. The wind
moaned and wailed, the snow blew
against the window-pan". Zara shiv
ered nnd drew back. As sho did so
the caught the sound of voices. Lamp
in hand she hurried to the door.
"Go right in," she heard her father
say; "don't wait for me. .lust tell
her you are from the East that will
be sufficient recommendation !"
Then Zara saw her father turn
toward the barn leading another horse
beside his own, and a tall man, well
lnutlled, came striding up the path
from the gateway.
"Mayl come in?" askd the stran
ger, pausing for a moment at the door
and raising a fur cap.
"Certainly," leplied Zara, and re
treated into the warm, lire-lit room.
The tall man followed, and quickly
divesting himself of his snow-covered
outer wrappings, drew near the blaz
ing fire.
My namo is Storey William Sto
rey," ho said, smiling; " and your fath
er advises mo to tell you that I am
from tho East."
Zara Bmilcd also. "Father knows
how glad I am always to see any one
from homo," she 6aid.
"1 have been in Montana, however,
all this fall," Mr. Storey went on to
say, "and 1 come hero nearly every fall
to hunt. Montana is good bunting
ground. But I have lingered a little
too long among the ltockies this time ;
winter has overtaken me J"
"It is our first real snowstorm, but
it makes ono feel it ought to ba Janu
ary instead of November !" Zara said,
with a sigh, as a gust of wind beat
wildly again-t the ranch cabin.
" ou tlo u )t like the We.it?" asked
her companion, glancing up at the
young girl's somewhat sad face,
"No; 1 thouv
1 1 should like it, but
it is very tUsaj,,
uniting." Then sud
denly, her face k jndling: " Have you
ever been in Maine r Have you ever
passed through .1 little town called
Laurel r" she askt i eagerly.
Yes, to both questions." replied
Storey, ngiin sniiUcit. "I stopped
pver night op.ee at Ift ' my way
to Mount Desert ono summer. It is a
lovely little nook."
"Oh, is it notl" cried tho voting
girl, with almost a quiver in her "voice.
" I lived there once. I was so happy
there 1"
As sho spoke her father threw open
tho front door and camo in, well
whitened by the storm.
Zara hastened t help him off with
his great, shaggy, buffalo-skin coat, and
then drew another chair to the fire fcr
him.
Almost her first words were :
"Father, Mr. Storey has been to
Laurel I"
Mr. Josslyn laughed.
" You couldn't have been to a better
place, according to this foolish child,"
ho said, addressing his guest.
Then Zara slipped away, leaving the
two men to enjoy the crackling pine
logs while she prepared something hot
for supper. In a short time she re
appeared and f aid :
' We use our kitchen for a dining
room. Will you come to supper.please ? '
Storey rose immediately, and with
his host followed the young girl into
a low-ceiled but exquisitely ne it -room.
Zaia presided nt the head of the
small round dining-tablo, and poured
iragrant collee into quaint, real china
cups.
" I heso came from home, she said.
proudly, at she handed William Storey
ono of the dainty bluo and white treas
ures.
Tho evening was spent in pleasant
chatting, andp is-ed so delightfully to
the young gin that Bho fairly stared at
tho little clock when it struck 11.
A I ed was made up in the "best
ro in," as Mr. Josslyn's cramped shed
l edroom, opening, as Zara's did, out
of tho kitchen, was not deemed suffi
ciently comfortable f.r the guest. And
when William Storey fell asleep that
night ho dreamed of the little red-
curtained room in which he lay, and
saw Zara's pretty, girlish, face with the
lire-glow upon it, just as he haJ seen
it when awake.
The next morning the sun shone
brightly, brt till about tho ranch lay
the snow in gleaming white drifts.
" You had better remain with us to
day," said Mr. Josslyn - after breakfast,
glancing out the window as he spoke.
" I should like to," said Storey, "but
I think.! ought to go back to Boze
man. My room-mate (another East
ern man, Miss Josslyn) will bo looking
for me. If you will let me, I will ride
out In a day or two and see you again,
for next week I go home."
Zara gave a little longing sigh at his
last words. lie was going home.
How she wished she could go I
Later she stood with her father in
the doorway and watched their guest
depart. The sunlight fell full upon
her wistful young face, and Storey
thought how very pretty sho wasashe
rode away.
In a few days he returned, as he had
said he would. Zara received him
with evident pleasure.
" Father has gone to look after the
sheep," she said, " but he will be home
to dinner. lie will be very glad to see
you, 1 know."
Storey sat down on the rude, home
made lounge, nnd Zara took her
favorite seat, the foot-bench by tho
fire.
" I go home to-morrow," said Storey
"go home, I mean,; to your dear
East," smilingly.
' So soon I" cried tho young girl.
" I am coming back next fall for
another hunt. May I come and see
you then?"
" 1 ou will never come, said Zara
simply.
" I will never come I Why?" asked
the young man in surprise.
" You will forget all about us in that
time a whole year from now."
" Suppose I don t forget, will you be
glad to see me when 1 come?" inquired
Storey with sudden eagerness, and
leaning toward Zara so as to get a
better view of her half-averted face.
' Yes, I shall I e glad to see you."
The answer sounded a little cold,
but Storey wa not dissatisfied, some
how. It was late in the day not until
afttr dinner, some time, that the young
man took his departure. He rode away
with no little reluctance, and Zara
lingered long in the doorway watching
him.
Tho short Montana summer was
barely over the Cottonwood trees
were still yellow and the air was yet
quite warm and pleasant, when one af
ternoon, toward sunset, Zara looked up
from her sewing and saw a tall, hand
some man coming toward tho house on
horseback.
"Miss Josslyn I" cried a well-remembered
voice.
Zara rose, trembling a little, from
tho doorsteps where she had been sit
ting. Sho wore quite a joyous ex
pression, Storey thought, secretly
pleased, as he left his horse to graze
by the gate and hastened toward the
young girl.
" Are you glad xv see me? ' he in
quired, eagerly, taking Zara's hand.
"You know I am glad 1" she vc
claimed, her face Hushing under lils
earnest gaze. " Father and I lrire
talked of you so often," she went on;
" you know our life is so quiet and
monotonous here that your coming to
us last fall was quite an event."
" I am very glad. My coming
to you was quite an event
to me, I assure you. In all my
ramhlings since I lelt you, during the
gay season at the seaside this summer
even I could not get this lonely littltj
ranch out of my head, somehow.
Your wistful face haunted me indeed
it did 1 I grew unreasonably impatient
to see well, Montana again. I tried
to reason with myself ; you had for
gotten mo, most likely, I thought ; but
in vtiin I I pictured you about your
every-tlay life could see the shadow
deepening in your eyes and one day
I cried aloud: 4Itisashame for so
young a creature to be buried 1' And
a few hours later I wa3 on the train,
bound for Montana I"
William Storey had spoken with no
little eagerness and excitement, and
as Zara sat beside him on the steps,
and listened, her cheeks had grown a
deeper crimson.
She did not speak at first when he
had finished, butcontinued looking off,
across tho plains, at the fast sinking
sun.
At length she said, her voice a littlo
unsteady :
" I am so glad you did come back."
"Zara I" cried her companion, im
petuously, " I camo ba.k to tell you I
love you I I think I must have loved
you before I left you last fall, but I
had always scorned the very idea,
even, of love at first sight, and I had
only met you twice. But when once
away from you separated from you,
with thousands of miles between us
I became impatient to see you. Your
'dear East' had no charm for me. I
longed for your lonely ranch ; I rea
soned with myself many times, but it
was of no use I realized that I loved
you ; I was foolish enough, Zara, to
think I could te ich you to love me."
The sun had quite gono now, the
mountains shone darkly purple against
the clear amber of the sky, the air was
fresh and just a little chill. Zara
shivered ; from excitement though,
more than cold.
"Have you nothing to say to me?
Is my case then so hopeless a one ?"
asked William Storey, taking one of
the young girl's hands in his and look
ing gravely in her face.
"Will you not bo sorry for this?
Are you quite sure it is love, not pity,
you feel for me?" Zara ventured,
tremulously.
"I shall never be sorry I love you!
Fity would not cause me to ask you to
be my wife ! All I want to make me
as perfectly happy as one can be in
this world is your love. Can you
will you learn to love me, Zara?"
"I do love you I"
The sunset glow faded ; the stars
gleamed out ; a great, yellow moon
rose over the eastern hills and flooded
the valley with a brilliant light.
When Mr. Josslyn returned home he
was considerably surprised. There
was no supper ready ; the lire in the
"best room" was not lit, as it was
wont to be these cool fall evenings ;
the front door stood wide open, and
Zara usually prudent Zara was
sitting on the steps, bare-headed,
utterly regardless of the night air,
talking very earnestly to William
Storey !
Only ono short year, yet what a
change it had made in Zara's young
life I No longer, when 6he looked
from her window, did she see desolate,
bleak, sage-grown plains, belted by
snow-crowned mountains. A most
lovely flower garden, framed in by
meadow lands, yellow with golden rod,
through which ran a clear little brook,
and bounded by blue, wooded hills in
the distance, met her delignted eye.
How very happy sho was I
Almost a year had she been AVilliam
Storey's wife; almost a year since the
quiet little wedding at Bozeman had
taken place, and she ha 1 left the great
territory the wild "new far-West"
forever. She was in Laurel now, in
her old home, bought for her by her
husband shortly after their arrival
East.
Soon Zara's father was coming to her;
that wtis another pleasure in store for
her. The sheep quite a numerous
Hock now were to be left with a com
petent herder, Mr. Josslyn having
every thing arranged to his satisfaction.
The fortune predicted by Zara in
her girlish enthusiasm had not quite
been realized as yet, but Mr. Jcsslyn
was by no means a poor man any
longer, and was heard often to assert
triumphantly that " a sheep ranch is
certainly a paying investment if well
managed!" The Continent.
People Who Disappear.
Five hundred men. women and chil
dren disappear in New York every
year and are reported as mysteriously
lost. Those who read newspapers hear
of their disappearance, but only in
exceptionable instances of their re
covery. What becomes of tbir great
herd of absentees? Do they ever re
turn? Or, once sucked uuder in the
mad whirlpool of feverish metropoli
tan life in which only the sum, not the
individual, counts, are (hey nevermore
east up to the surface and to the sight
of men?
The question is answered by the
police boiks. I'nder an improved
aystetn of recording missing persons
and following up the inquiry at stated
intervals, data have accumulated since
the beginning of the present year that
justify the conclusion that live-sixths
of those sought for turn up, and that
when they do the mystery of their ab
sence is reduced to a very small mini
mum. Aiw York llnald.
m - 1
What clasH of men have the most
patience y ruvsicimis, of cyur.- ,
TIIK BAD BOY CETS A FROG.
AJ7D FTTBJ THE LITTLE JUMPER IB
HIS PA'S BED.
The Old Gentleman Thinks He Is Ntrnck
With I'nralynla and Yells Six Kinds of
Murder.
" L'ncle Ezra says pa used to play
.tricks on everybody," remarked the
itad boy to the grocery man. " I may
) e mean, but I never played jokes on
blind people, ai pa did when he was a
l)oy. Uncle Ezra say3 ont e there was
a party of four blind vocalists, all girls,
gave an entertainment at the town
whore pa lived, and they stayed at the
hotel where pa tended bar. Another
thing, I never sold rum, either, as p.t
did. Well, before the blind vocalists
went to bed, pa caught a lot of frogs
and put them in the beds where the
girls were to sleep, and when the poor
blind girls got into b.d the frogs
hopped all over them, and the way
they got out was a caution. It is bad
enough to have frogs hopping all over
girls that can see, but for girls that are
deprived of their sight, and don't know
what anything is, except by the feeling
of it, it looks to me like a pretty tough
joke. I guess pa is sorry now for
what he did, 'cause when Uncle Ezra
told the frog story, I brought home a
frog and put it in pa's bed. l'a has b3en
afraid of paralysis fory ars, and when
his leg or anything gets asleep, he
thinks that is the end of him. Before
bedtime I turned the conversation onto
paralysis, and told about a man about
pa's age having it on the west pidc,
and pa was nervous, and soon after he
retired I guess the frog wanted to get
acquainted with pa, 'cause pa yelled
Bix kinds of murder, and we went into
his room. You know how cold a frog
is. Well, you'd a dide to see pa. He
laid still and said his end ha I come,
and Uncle Ezra asked him if it was
the end with a he id, or the feet,
and pa told him paralysis had marked
him for a victim, and he could feel
that his left leg was becoming dead.
He said he could feel the cold, clammy
hand of death walking up him, and hti
wanted ma to put a bottle of hot
water to his feet. Ma got the bottle
of hot water and put it to pa's feet,
and the cork came out and paid said
he was dead sura enough, now, be
cause he was hot in the extremitii s,
and that a cold wave was going up his
leg. Ma asked him where the cold
wave was, and he told her, nnd she
thought she would rub it, but she
began to yell the same kind of murder
pa did, and she said a snake had gone
up her sleave. Then 1 thought it was
time to stop the circus, and x reached
up ma's lace sleeve and caught tho
frog by the leg and pulled it out, and
told pa I guessed he had taken my
frog to bed with him, and I showed it
to him, and then he said I did it, and
a boy that would do such a thing
would go to perdition ai sure as
preachin', and I asked him if he
thought a man who put frogs in tl e
beds with blind girls, when he wa a
boy, would get to heave i, and then he
told me to lite out, and I lit. I guess
pa will feel better when Uncle Ezra
goes away, cause he thinks Uncle Ezra
talks too much about old times. Well,
here comes our baby wagon, and I
guess pa ha done penance long enough,
and I will go and wheel the kid aw hile.
Say, you call pa in, after I take the baby
wagon, and tell him you don't know
how he would get along without such
a nice boy as me, and you can charge
it in our next month's bill. ' I'tch's
Hun.
An Ape's Kevcnje.
Apes, when their anger is aroused,
are very dangerous creatures, as they
will dare almost anything in order to
avenge their wrongs. Many of their
deeds of revenge are well known, but
the following anecdote, which comes
from Italy, is as amusing ns any wq
liave yet heard of. 11 Hosso, a dfs
ciple of Angelo, resided in Florence in
a house overlooking a garden belong
ing to some friars. 11 Basso possessed
an ape which was on friendly terms
with one of his apprentices called
Battistoni, who empl yed the animal
to steal the friars' grapes, letting it
down into tho adjacent garden and
drawing it up again by a rope. Th
grapes being missed a watch was set,
and one day a frihr caught the ape iu
tho very act. lie t"ied to inlli t a
thrashing, but the up got tho best of
it and escaped. L Vo.-so, however,
was sued, and his pet sentenced 1 1
wear a weight on its tail. Lut few
days elapsed ere the culprit had an
opportunity of avenging this insult.
While the friar was performing mass
at a neighboring church, tho ape
climbed to th;1 patt of tlio roof under
which the altar stood, and to u-e
Yasari's words. " performed so lively
a dance with the weight on his tail
that there was not a tile or vase left
unbroken ; an I on the friar's return a
torrent of lamentations was heard that
lasted three days." Harper' lottnj
L'e'iple.
The Law About Drawbridges.
In reply to an inquiry on tho sub
ject, the secretary of the treasury
States that no special acts of Congress
regulate the conditions for opening
drawbridges on all navigable waters of
this cjuntry, but that if a private eiti
i en be aggrieved by the closing of a
draw, he has bis action at common law
lor damages; and po.-sib'.y, understate
statutes, a drawbridge which Wits not
properly and seasonably opened might
leiadicttd us a nuisance. -'
SELECT SIFTINGS.
In some part3 of Siberia a wife costs
eight dog3.
To short-sighted persons the moon
appears to have a blue fringe.
Chemical analysis shows that the
human brain is eighty per cent, water.
A Spanish grandee has an entire
bedroom suite of furniture made of
glass.
A London physician . says that the
English sparrow is subject to the
Smallpox.
A watch made entirely of iron and
In perfect running order was exhibited
in a Wocestershire fair recently.
Mrs. Mary Austin, of Washington,
Ga., died recently. She had been the
mother of forty-four children, includ
ing six sets of triplets.
Color blindness i3 more common
among Quakers than among persons
of any other religious faith, which Is
supposed to be because of their indif
ference to color.
The white perch of the Ohio are
noted for the musical sounds they
make. The sound 13 much like tha
produced by a silk thread placed in a
window where the wind blows
acrossit.
An island about three acres in ex
tent, recently discovered oil the coast
of California, is almost paved with the
eggs of sea fowl, nnd the discoverers
think that it is the greatest bird's nest
tn the world.
The best thing to give to your enemy
is forgiveness; to an opponent, toler
ance; toafriend, your heart; to your,
child, a good example; to a father, def
erence; to your mother, conduct that
will make her proud of you; to your
self, respect to all men, charity.
The great sandstone anvil of the
mound builders is in possession of the
CincinnatiS oclety of Natural History.
It was found some miles above Iron
ton, Mo., by Dr. II. II. Hill, a success
ful collector of American relics. This
anvil is composed of very sharp grit,
contains over 100 depressions, weighs
about 500 pounds, and measures eight
feet nine inches at its greatest circum
ference. In Catholic and Frotestant countries,
the year l'JOO will not be a leap-year,
they all having adopted the Gregorian
calendar. In countries where the
Creek church is established (Russia
and Greece) the old Julian calendar
still holds, and those cjuntries will
count it a leap-year. After February,
WOO, therefore, the difference between
the two calendars, which is now twelve
days, will become thicteen days, and
will remain so until 2100, the year
200J being a leap-year in both the
Julian and Gregorian calendars. Tha
rule for leap-year may be thus stated
according to the Gregorian calendar,
which diit'ers from the Julian only in
a special treatment of the century
years : All years whose index-number
( liiQJ Is the index-number oi the pre.
ent year) is divisible by four are leap
years, unless (1) their index-numbet
is divisible by one hundred (century
years). In that case they are not leap
years, unless ("2) their index-number
is divisible by lour Hundred, in which
case they are leap-years. Thus, 1710,
1800, FJU0 and 2100 are not leap-years,
while 1G00, 2000 and 2400 are.
Something About Tenuis.
Although the revival of the ancient
game of teunis, which is now generally
known as lawn tennis, is of recent
growth, the sport is simply a molifica
tion of the pastime familiar to tha
English people in the time of Shakes,
peare. They, in turn, borrowed tha.
game from the French. There can ba
little doubt that the sport arose out of
"hand-ball," or, as it was called by tin
French, palm-play, so-called because
the exercise consisted in receiving Jhs
ball and driving it back again with the.
palm of the hand. In former timej
they played with the naked hand, theq
with a glove. Afterward it beeauiB
tho fashion to bind cords and tendon
around the hands to make the ball re
bound more forcibly. From this habit
the racquet derived its origin. During
the time of Charles 1. hand tennis waj
exceedingly popular in France, being
played for "largo sums of money. So
strong was the passion for betting
upon tho game that the nobility, aftei
losing all they had about them, would
pledgo their wearing apparel. At
ctrJing to l.aboureur, a French histo
rian, the Duke of Burgundy, "having
lost sixty francs at palm-play with the,
Duke of Bourbon, Messire William d
Lyon and Messire Guy do hi Tri
nieuille, and not having money enough
to pay them, gave his girdle as a pledge
for the remainder, aud shortly after
ward he left tho same girdle with tha
Count D'Eu for eighty francs which
ho lost at tennis." Indeed, it was very
common in those times to negotiate
girdles instead of bonds in bitting
transactions.
In the fifteenth century regular and
fixed rules were introduced in the
game for the first time, and covered
courts were erected. In tho sixteenth
century tennis courts were quite com.
mon in England, and the sport was
liberally encouraged by tho sovereigns.
In a work published by Hoole in ltio8
there is a picture of a tennis court,
divided by a line stretched in the mid
tile, and the players standing ou cither
side with their racquets ready to re
ceive ami return the ball, which thu
rules of the game required to be struck
oyer tbe liw,Auwi-un yuctn.
MOTH-EATEN.
I had a beantifal garment,
And I laid it by with care;
I folded it cloee with lavender leaves
In a napkin fine and fair.
" It is far too costly a robe," 1 gold,
"For one like me to wear."
So never at morn or evening,
I put my garment on;
It lay by itself nndor clasp and key
In the perfumed dusk alone,
Its wonderful broidery hidden,
Till many a day had gone.
There were gnests who came to my portai.
There were friends who sat with me,
And, clad in soberest raiment,
i bore them compary;
I knew I owned the beautiful robe,
Though its splendor none might see.
There where poor who stood at my portai,
There were orphaned sought my care;
I gave them tenderest pity,
But had nothing beside to spare;
I had only the beautiful garment,
And the raiment for daily wear.
At last, on a feast day's coming,
I thought in my dress to shine;
I would please myself with the luster
Of its shifting colors fine;
I would walk with pride in the marvel
Of its rarely rich design.
So out from the dust I bore it
The lavender fell away
And fold on fold I held it np
To the searching light of day. ,
Alas I the glory had perished, '
While there in its place it lay.' .
Who seeks for the fadeless beauty,
Must seek for the use that seals
To the grace of a constant bleaBlng .
The beauty that nse reveals.
For into tho folded robe alone,
The moth with its blightning steals.
Afaroaret.. Sangster.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Tampering with the maila-VThe co
quette. ,. ?
Oh, meet me by moonlight alona
Blythely sang the fresh young bard .
Who fainted when he heard the tone
Of the dog in the back yard.
The collegian's passport: "Nq,
said the college man, "I don't care a
copper whether I get a degree or not;
Fve got my skull-and-crossbone3 pin
and that's a passport into any society."
Boston Transcript.
He who says a "pair of stairs
means only one stairs. He who speaks
of a ladder might just as consistently
say a "pair of ladders." It is only
when you tumble downstairs that the
steps double on you.
"Is that about the right length,
sir?" asked the skillful barber, as he
finished cutting his customer's hair.
," I like the side3 nnd back," was the
response; "but I wish you would
make it a little longer on the top."
One of the loveliest spectacles In
this world is to watch the expression
of rapture that passes over the face of
the dude as he sucks lemon up through
a straw, rolls his eyes and rubs his ears
together at the back of his head.
Z'ttc.
It is said that the number of women
who reach 100 years and upward is
pearly double that of lbng-lived men.
AVomen don't invent patent tire es
capes and exhibit their workings. And
they don't stay out so late o' night,
teither, inhaling the miasma of the
night air. Norrlstoicn Herald.
The Popular Science Monthly has
directions "how to act in a tornado,"
!but fails to tell a man how to comport
himself in case he should hurriedly
pass a lady friend about 2,000 test in
the nir, both on the top wave of a cy
clone. Would it bo proper to doff the
hat, or would the cytlbne care for that
littlo courtesy? Hartford Post.
"The boat has turned over and
drowned your son," said a man, ap
proaching a fishing party, and address
ing an old gentleman. "Great good
ness!" exclaimed tho o!d man, Lurst
Ing into tears. " lie was my hope in
this life. He was the best boy on the
place; and, beside that, ho had the
baitcup with him. Arkansaw Truo
eltr.
"What influence has the moon on
the tide?' the teacher asked Join
Henry. And John Henry said it
depended on what was tied ; if it was
a dog it made him howl, and if it was
a gate, it untie 1 it, just as soon as a
cow or the young man came along.
It is such things as this that make
school-teachers want to lio down and
die every day at 1 o'clock. Ilawkeyei
Mis3 Jenny Marks, of Baltimore,
won a sewing machine by making a
guess at tho number of pills in a bot
tle in a window. There were 2',100
pills in the bottle, and sho guessed
25,1'JO. There were over 5,1)00 guesses,
and the worst ono was a guess of
y.000,000. The man who guessed
11,000,000 was one of those fellows win
,get their education by reading gas
meters. Ihrrkk.
"I scream with affright when a mouse
0 Kiiea iu Hilit "
Said a girly uiri to herafliuiioo, one eve.
"iucreaui when a'ono in the darkness at
home,
And thus the monotonous sileic e re.ieve ;
I toreaiu whuii iu be J that should auaktj all
the dead.
If uiy tlte; is disturbed by a horrid old
ill earn,
And when after tea, you drop iu 1 1 a k me
To ctroll with you out iu the luouiuijht,
1 scream. , i
ft'