i 7 Cf;f orrst llrpnbliroa M FOM.MUKD EVMI WtDKBRDAT, Bt J. K. WENK. 0Uce in Smoarbaugh ft Co.'b BniHing, ELM STREET, . TIONE3TA, PA. TlCItlMS, 91.CO 11211 YKAK. ' No subscriptions roceived for k shorter period tlinn three nimthn. OoyrPBpomloncp solicited from nil partsof the country. Nonoticowiil betaken of anonjmoui Somiiiutilontiong. STAND LIKE THE ANVIL. "Stand like tlio anvil," whoa tho filrltei Of B'a'wnrt mon full fiorco tmd fnot ; Storms l)iit moro deeply root (ho oak, V'hoso brawny arms rmhraco tho blast. ""fSfand likp the anvil," when fie sparks riy far nnd wido, a fiery shower i Virtue and triilli ma it still b.i mm In U here tn"l:co ravas it want of power. " 8. nnd liko the anvil," when tlio bir Lies rnd and glowing na it broa.it Duty shall bo life's loading st ir, And couseioui iutioounu-j its ro-.t. "Stand liko tho anvil ;" noi e and boat Are born of earth and dio with timo j Tho soul, like (iod, its sourco nnd sout, Is seldom atill, serene, sublime. FAITH REWARDED. CHAPTER I. "You will bo back n.3 soon ni you can, Edith? You know how I dislike being loft alone." lit. Bertram r ppoko fretfully, aul looked as if sho rather reseDted Iter daughter's going out ut all. "And you will think over what I have said to you about Dr. Ashby? You know, my dear, some ono must mako a sacrifice; I'm Hure I'm willing to do anything, but wlr.it Is there a helpless invalid can do? If you woull only look at tho matter from a reasonable point of view you would rot hesitate. Just think of Blanche and Eva, what is to become of those poor, darling children?" Edith sighed deeply; slio had been thinking of tho children all tho morn ing while teaching them their lessons and correcting their exercises, trying to coax Bee to practice, an 1 Eva to f;et through her French verbs, thiuk ng what a comfort it wouid bo if they could both be sent oil to a good school, where they would be taught obedience; for though she had all tho trouble, she had not tho slightest con trol over them. It only seemed like playing at les sons to have Edith for a governess, while to her it was weary, wo Ting work, added to all her other anxieties and worries. Tor everything seemed to fall on Edith's shoulders. Mrs. Bertram was a fretful, ratlier selfish person, who suffered from nervous headaches, and on the strength of them took very littlo intcre-t in tho affairs of her sma 1 and t truitune 1 household, except to perpetual'y find fault, and grumble at the .hard fate that had placed her in such circum stances. She was a pretty woman, with soft fair hair and violet eyes, and useless little white hands ; and though Edith Bertram felt it keenly when her father brought home a young wifo to tho Dingle, sho did not wonder when sho looked nt tho pretty clinging girl who looked little older than herself, and seemed) so sweet, shy and amiable. Edith wa3 fifteen, and her step-moth-r twenty-two, though she did not look nearly so old. And just at first, things went on smoothly enough at the Dingi Mrs. Bertram mado no changes, and Edith was still housekeeper, and took care of her father as sho had done for five year.-', ever since her own mother had died. But after a few months the sweetness and siiyncsa rubbed olf, and Mrs, Bertram exhibited a sharpness of temper and petulance of manner that was anything but pleasant. The doctor, umiablo and easy-tempered to a fault, gave in to her in everything. First she had Edith's drawing-master sent away, as 6he thought it mere waste of timo and money ; then the music-teacher was dismissed on the plea that, as Edith was not gcing to bo a musical govorness, it was absurd to keep on learning, as she played quite well enough already. Then Mrs. Bertram began to find fault with Jack Clifford, the doctor's assistant, and made it so unpleasant for him that he declared one day he could not stand it any longer. "I've mado up my mind to go to tho Cape, Edith, to make my fortune," he said, and she could only l id him good bye, with tear-dimmed eyes and fal tering voice. She could not ask him to stay, for it did not s'ein liko home at the llingle, and all her authority was gone. ' But I'll come back, Edith," Jack added, holding both her hands. "I'll return to you. Will you trust me, . darling, nnd wait?" "Yes, Jack, I will," she replied, simply. And t lie next day he left with a formal farewell. Only Edith knew what a disappointment it was to Jack, arid how all his hopes were blighted and his plans altered. The doctor ha 1 promised to make him his partner, and j that one any ne snoiuu succeed nun; but for soino inexplicable reason ho had been cold and distant of late, and it seemed a positive relief when Jack w.n gone. ' bix mouths ait r tho baik in which Dr. Bertram had deposited tlio savings of his whole life, and Edith's fortune inherited from her mother, failed stnl dpnlv everything was lost, and the doctor never recovered the i-hock of it. - "If I only had Jack to stand by me I mjght have borne it," he caul, sadly; "he would have b.-t-n a son tJ mo in my adve sity." V " - - - ry ' I n o - - I vhither, and Mrs. l.ertram began to ; but no second growth of love would mly realize that she h::d done a fool-1 ever spring up in her heart. Edith's tiling in driving him away, for the j Wai an intense, patient, fa'tliful na doefor trew every day more feeble, j tore, giving much and exacting little nnd Wtt l?ugth was forced to sell his ' in return, she vm willing to wu t, as practice and house, wA wove InU ft I bUy had prumiaUucli ClifTord, to wpjt liut Jack wa cine, none Knew Mil III .. . yi1 ' ' vrvo fl f! o I M VOL. XVI. NO. 14. tiny cottagt) on tho outskirts of tho village, where, after a few months, ho lied of a broken heart. Th'i money he ; mitt received lor ins praet;c. and too Dingle, and an insurance on his life, was all Id had t leave his wifo and children, and in vote 1 in tin most care ful way, it brought them in less than a hundred a yeat. lVor Edith found it hard work to make both ends of sue i a narrow in come meet, and after a few months she found it absolutely mcossary to do something to earn moro money. Sho could not go away as a governess first, because her t:!piiiothor had cut short her education at tho most critical tim?, and, beside, sho could not leave her little sisters. But her music shj had always kept up, and tho village church happening to bo in need of an organist, tho vicar offered her tho situ ation, which sho gratefully accepted; and after a time she secured a few music pupil3, and in that way helped out their narrow inomo. But tho hardest work of all was teaching and taking care of Blanche and Eva. They were pretty, willful, spoiled children, indulged by th -ir mother, and unac customed to any sort of control or dis cipline. During the doctor's lifetime they had a nuisiry governess, and Edith never imagined till sho came to have a le charge of them how much poor Miss Leo must have suffered at their hands. Tliero was but one bright spot in tho rather wearing, monotonous life, tho daily walk with the children. For their health's sake and her own sho made a point of taking thorn out every lino day for a ramble through tho woods and shady lanes. Ashmead was lu tho center of a beautiful country ; not a railway in sight ; no smoke from furnace or factory stainol tho clear, pure air ; nothing but rirh corn-fie!ds. fertile valleys, cool t.hady woods and mossy lanes, with a merry little brook flashing like a gleam of summer light ning through tho meadows. It was a positive delight to saunter idly along in tho glorious sunshine and gather tho wild flowers that grew so luxuriantly at their feet, and weave ropes and chains and wreaths of blossoms. It seemed like new life to get clear of the house, with its narrow confines and sordid care3 ; and of late thero had come a new element of distress into poor Enith's exist nee. For a whole year Dr. Seymour Ashby, her father's successor, ha I been a constant visitor at Eglantine cottage. It was amazing how many excuses he found for calling at first, and how soon he began to call without an excuse, and one day he pro posed in due form to Mrs. Bertram for Edith, and sho gave linn every en couragement to try his fortune for hini' self. " Of courso you'll accept him, Edith," sho said, eagerly. " It wiM bo such a blessing to us nil. Dr. Ashby is young, rich, clever, handsome. What more can you possibly want? And he really loves you mo it devotedly." "hut 1 dont love him " Edith re plied. " Then you ought, and I'm sure you will in time ; and beside, as I said be fore, some one of us must make a sac rifice for tho children's sake. Do think It over before he talks to you, Edith." "Yes, 1M think it over," was the somewhat weary reply, as Edith put on her hat and took up her basket to Join the children, who were waiting impatiently outside. But it was not of Dr. Ashby, but of Jack Clifford, that sho thought, as she sauntered through tha fields Jack, who had left her six years before to mako his fortune, and, despite his promise, had never returned. CHAPTER II. Knee-deep, apparently, in tho golden, full-eared wheat, Edith and her sisters sauntered idly along, Eva first, gather ing tho brightest of everything, till her basket was full t) overflowing scarlet poppies, Marguerites, gracful clematis, rich leaves mellowing with the first early autumn tints, long trail ing Fprays of ainb T-veine 1 ivy, and no.ldmg golden grasses all sorts of wayside and woodland treasures. They were returning from Ihv.eldell farm, where tho children had rested for half an hour, and eaten home-male bread and butter, and drank milk with the yellow wrinkled cream on it, and helped themselves to the remains of lata amber gooseberries that bordered the garden path. It was always a treat to go to llazeldell farm, but had Edith known that there were seven children ill in tho next farmhouse she would have chosen some other direc tion. She had trie ! to th'nk Dr. Ash by's proposal over calmly, and it cer tainly seemed a safe nnd easy way out of nil their dilliculties. Ho was rich and willing to undertake the children's education; hj would make an addition to Mrs. Bertram's income, wh'ch would enable her to live in comfort at some watering place (though Mrs. Bertram meant to make the Dinglo her home); everything ho proposed wai kind and thoughtful, and she was very grateful, but iu he.irt t-ha felt she did not love Seymour Ashby, and, what was more than that, she never should love him. Friendship, esteem, alleetion perhaps. she might iu tune D ablo to give lnm, U C 7 El TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 11, 1883. nil her life if need be 'itit thrro were the children and her stepmother help less and dependent on her. Clearly Bomu ono would have to make a ?a riflce, and with eiual clearness Edith saw that it must be lier.se! f. So sho resolved to accept Dr. Ashby's pro posal, and tried to assure hersolf that she was acting for the bt st. JTesently site hear ! a step behind her on tlio narrow path, and looking round sho saw the doctor approach ing ; a t ill handsome man, dressed in a suit of tweed, witli a g ongarry cap pulled down over his eyes ; as different from his pred. cessor, Dr. Bertram, as a man could be, 1 ut with a dash and cleverness men of tho old school never possessed. "1 have been trying 10 overtake you for ton minutes, Miss Edith," he said, falling just a step beh'nd, for the path was too narrow for two. "I have something of importance to say to you." les, doctor, sue replied cainuy, though her heart beat fast and every trace of color lelt ncr race. You know what I would say, Edith you must have saen during all tliose months how I love you. I want you to by my wife. Your mother ha given mo permission to address you, and given me some little reason to hope that you will listen to me. Tell me, Edith, can you or do you care a little about me?" For a minute or two Editlf was silent, then she told him all the. truth, how they were situated, how sho had liked Jack Clifford, but for six years had not heard anything of him, and how, if sho consented to bo his wifo, ho must be content with mere esteem and affection, for she had no love to bestow. " You aro honest, Edith, and truth ful," ho said in a very low voice, "nnd I thank you for the confidence you have reposed in me, but I must think this matter over. I love you far too well tor.sk your happiness in any way. Six years is a long time to be faithful to a silent lover, Edith." ' Wo were scarcely lovers, doctor," sho replied, with a sad little smile. "Jack just said, 'I'll come back Edith; will you wait?' and I said I would that was all. But poor papa was alive then, and we were rich ; now every thing is so different. For myself, I am content as I a n, but the children I" " Ah, ves, tho children something must be done for them. They are far too much for you. Did you say Jack Clifford went to the Cape, Ed th, and that vou never heard lrom him i ' Yes, he said he was going to mako his fortune in the diamond fields, but he never wrote, so I dare say he was not successful, poor fellow I Indeed, I think he must be dead. ""I think not," Dr. Ashbyreplied, thoughtfully. "Once more, Edith, I thank you heartily for your candor and confidence, and I will come to you for your final answer nt the end of a month. Till then, good-bye," and the doctor lifted his cap, and turned down a by-path that led to the Dingle, nnd poor Edith went home moro perplexed than ever. "Its a whole month since we ve seen Dr. Ashb Avhatever did you say to him, Edith? ' Mrs. Bertram sa d one evening; "tho house has seemed wretchedly dull without him. You did not surely refuse him point- blank?" "No, I did not refuse him," Edith replied, wearily; she had answered nearly the same question every day for four weeks, and was tired of it. She was looking pale and worn, but Mrs. Bertram never hud eves for any one's illness but her own. "Mamma," Eva cried, bursting into the room, " here's the doctor and an other gentleman !" And Mrs. Bertram smoothed her llulTy hair and put on her amiable smile, while Edith's heart began to beat fiercely. She had thought the matter over from every point of view, add at length came to the conclusion that it would bo positively wicked to marry the doctor while Jack Clifford was so much in her thoughts, and, come what might, she would not do it. l'resently he came in alone, and, after a few moments' conversation, he asked her to walk with him for a few minutes in the garden. She went at once, longing to have tho interview over, and burst into the subject di rectly. " I cannot be vour wifo, Dr, Ashby; I think it would be wrong of me to acept your proposal, feeling as 1 do. I'lease try and forgive mo and let me go." "First, let me introduce my friend, V he said, laying his hand on her arm. " and my n w assistant tho work of Ashmeail is rather too much for me Mis' Bertram Mr. Clifford." "Jack I" In a moment she was in his arms, her face hidden on his shoulder, all the long years of absence and silence forgotten. ho only felt that ho had returned, and she was still free. Later she learned how it had all come about how Dr. Ashby saw an advertisement in the paper, nnd guessed that " Jno. C'must mean Jack Clifford, lately returned from tho Cape, and several old letters he dis covered in a drawer in ono of the rooms of tho Dinglo convinced him that there wa treachery ut work somewhere. S3 he just engaged Jaek, and then to d him all about tho Ber trams, and how Edith was still fa th- l'nl to him, though she U9Ver received uae of htn ttra. The result was a very quiet wedding in Ashmead church, and on that daj Dr. Ashby handed over the Dingle and the practice to his partner, and went to travel in South America, promising to return about tho time Blanche wai seventeen. Both tin children he placed nts -hool, and Mrs. Bertram.foeling very much ashamed of tho part she had played in intercepting Jack's letters, left Ashuiead, and in a few years married a retired merchant nt Brighton, and bo never troubled her stepdaughter further. Jack Clifford is fast becoming tha most popular doctor for miles around, nnd when Seymour Ashby returns. If ho ever does, he will find the practice greatly extended. Edith is perfectly happy in her old home, the Dingle, and never for a moment has regretted her perfect faith in Jack. A R .tcatclicr's Methods. In an interview with a professional ratcatcher a New York Sun reporter a-ked ; " How do you clear a house of rats?" " If the house has a 'soft cellar floor I can get the rats out, but I can't keep them out. If it ha3 a hard founda tion, I hunt out all the holes leading from tho sewers and stop them up with sand and cement. That prevents any more from gating in and those in the house from escaping. You see, a rat is always on the move. He Is never still, but goes from the sewer to tho house and back again very often. Having made the cellar tight, I find the runways by whl h the rats go from ono floor to another. These are generally along lead pipes in the walls. A rat will run up a lead pipe as asy a3 walk along the lloor. You can see th3 marks of their feet on the runway. I nail a small square piece of tin over a part of the runway and I grease the outsido. Now, a rat can't run up this, and ho slips down when he tomes to it. " If I can't get at the runways I find tho holes, and fix this wire door on it. You see, it is made of four pieces of short wire laid parallel, held together by crossbars, nud sharpened at tho ends. This i3 suspended by the top over a rat-hole. Coming from the hole a rat can easily lift it tin and get through, but hi can't go back, as the gate falls and the sharp points prevent him from lifting it. Now I make a rat trap of the whole house. I so fix the gates and tin sides that the rats will all bo led into one room in the basement. There they are securely caught, as they cannot possibly get out. I go among them with a dark lantern and pick them up with my tongs. I can catch them as quickly m a cat would a mouse. If they get in places where I can't reach them I shoot them with this long target pistol. I use these little target cart ridges, and it kills them every time. " When the rats get in ceilings I smother them out with cayenne pep per. 1 have a fumigator here which works like an air pump. I burn red pepper in it and pump it into the ceil ing. The rats can't stand that, and they get out ai fast as they can. That is better than a ferret, as ferrets are expensive and the rats often kill them. Ferrets are scary things to handle. If thjy bite you once you have to pry their jaws open. When I want to catch rats for dogs I set traps. First I remove everything out of their way, so that they will get very hungry. Then I set tho traps. Then I have another way of catching them. I wear rubber shoes into a slaughter-house at night and carry a dark lantern. I move softly about and catch the rats with the tongs before they l ave a chance to get away. In this way I have caught 103 rats in two hours and a half. If you ever get bitten by a rat, put tho wound in hot water and make it bleed. Then bathe it with arnica or spirits of turpentine." A Wood iful Cavern. About a mile from the market town of Adelsberg, iu Austria, and three miles from Trieste, is to be seen the most wonderful cavern in Europe, nnd possibly in tho world, called the Adels berg cave, and which has been explored for a length of nearly three thousand yards, as far as a subterranean lake. This cavern consists of several grottoes, from sixty to eighty feet high. The interior resounds with the noiso of water, as a little river runs completely through it, forming many cascades on its way, and being finally lost to view in a fissure, 'ibis river continues its subterranean courso for about eight miles, and alter a time it disappears into tho caverns of Laase, whence it emerges as a navigable river called the Laibach. The entrance to tho cave of Adelsberg is illuminated by hundreds of candles, aid a transparent curtain, composed of la: go sheets of crystallized limestone, is been hanging from tho roof. The vast hall or ballroom is about U0 yards from the entrance. It is three Hundred leet long and ene hundred feet high, and is adorned with transparent stalactites of every kind of fantastic shape and form. Until the year IS lit, this ballroom was the only part known; but at this date tho wall ..I stalagmite was nroKen tnrougn, and a series of chambers exposed to view possessing a cathedral-like appearance, from the stalactites in many instance! forming vast columns, by meeting the stalagmites below. In the Adelsberg cavern, numerous specimen? are found of the protein, a kind of lizard that dwtjlu a tliq huttoui of. the cuyera $1.50 PER ANNUM. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. 1 - A man in Pittsburg, Tenn., has in vented a potato-digger which, it ia claimed, will do tho work of twenty men. At a recent reception given by M. Louis Iiau, in Paris, each of the lady guests about to take part in a dance was presented with a bouquet in the middle of which shone a miniature electric lamp fed by batteries devised by M. Trouve. The world's largest animals are dis appearing. The elephant is said to be rapidly approaching extinction, and in the interest of science it is suggested that tho British government interfere to prevent the further destruction of this gigantic creature in India. Nature creates by the million, ap parently that she may destroy by tho myriad. She gives life one instant,, only that she may snatch it away thej next. The main difference 13 that the higher we ascend the les3 lavish the creation, and the less sweeping the de struction. Thus, while probably but one fish in a thousand reaches ma turity, of every 1,001) children born, C04 attain adult age. That is, naturo flings aside t'99 out of every 1,000 fishes as useless for her purposes, and two out of every five human beings. Dogs, rabbits and Guinea pigs were kept by M. Poincare in an atmosphere resembling that which is usua.ly breathed by persons who use petro leum. Tho Guinea pigs alone suc cumbed after remaining from one td two years in this medium. The other Animals appeared to resist indefinitely. He nevertheless recommends persons employing petroleum as a source of heat or light, or who treat it indus triously, to keep their stock in closed vessels, to attend to ventilation, and to execute the operations of rectification, etc., under draught-hoods. From observations made in New York and neighboring cities. Dr. A. A. Julien concludes that the various 6tones used for buildings will retain a decent appearanco in walls for the followins periods : Coarse brown stone, from 5 to 15 years ; laminated fine brown stone, from 25 to 50 years ; compact fine brown stone, from100 to 200 years; Nova Scotia stone, prob ably from 50 to 1U0 years ; unio sand stone, 100 years ; Caen stcne, from 35 to 40 years; coarse dolomite marDie, 40 vears: line marble, tV) years; pure calcareous marble, lrom ou to iuj years; granite, according to variety, from 7ft to uuu vears. Among tne chief destroyers of the stones are sol vent substances washed from the nir by rains, and the heat of the sun. A White Apache. The Tombstone (Arizona) Republi can of recent date says: A few days since a Ilermcsillo dispatch announced the wounding and capture of a white man, supposed to be L. N. Streeter, while heading an Apache foray. Streeter is about fifty years of age nnd was born in California, his father being captain of an English merchantman trading on the Pacific coast and his mother a native t auiornian. ur ins boyhood or early manhood very little is known, he first cm ng into notice in Arizona by his connection as clerk with the San Carlos agency during Governor Safford's administration in this Territory. While thtro he had some difficulty with the officials, caused, it is said, by his giving aid and comfort to hostile Apaches. Ho left there suddenly and went straight for the camp of Juh and Geronimo, which was then near Janos Pass, on the line between Sonora and Chihuahua. It is stated that while he was at the agency he became enamored of a squaw be longing to the tribe, and it was this fact that induced his leaving civiliza tion to cast his fortums with the Apaches. Governor SafTord offered a largo reward for his apprehension, some stories placing the amount as high as $5,000. lie wa3 not appre hended, however, and has never re turned to Arizona. lie is said bv those knowing him intimately, to be very intelligent and well educated, and a manuscript now Vi tho hands of tho writer, written while Streeter was at Grenadois, goe3 to prove it. He speaks the Aja le dialect fluently, and is said to have great influence with them. His stand ing among the savages, by whom ho is known as Don Cassamario, may be seen when it is known that the tdde son of Chief Geronimo is named for him A Shower of Birds. The most remarkablo phenomenon relating to Iowa storms occurred a' Independence not h ng ago, when tho people at night were aroused by a loud pelting against the windows, which could not bo acci tint -d for until th morn'ng, when thousands of bird were found dead all over the city. 1 had been a literal shower of birds, and stranger still, nobo :y ha I ever seen Mich birds before. In size they were trille larger than a snowbird and thei color much like a quail. It is mij post d they were drawn into a vorte way down South nnd rushed throug the atmosphere those thousands miles. The fcaMv of railroad traveling i forcibly illustrated in the s tat emeu that ol the 4i,fi',-? passengers cur rirdby ra'lroaU terminating in JjQ; ton Just year tut eight were killed., RATES OF ADVERTISI1TO One Rqnareone inch, one ineflrtioi.. i - -., nAinrh. nnl month.... One Square, one inch, one year J Two Scpiiires, one year ? Quarter Uolumn, one year half Column, one year J fu.m f'uliimn mi. TAtr t 'w Igal notices at established rates. Marriage and death notice gratis. All bills lor yeany iutk-iiui. iu. quarterly. Temporary advertisement imt be paid in advance. Job work, cash on delivery. THE MAN WHO NEVER ADVER TISES. Sing, business muse, the dark and dolefa fato Of him who labors but that be may wait: The piles of goods heaped np within his store; Which can't be less, and never may be more. The man whose life has lost all fortnn'f prizes: In fact, the man who never advertises. King of his start, his great ambitU""fc" The capital that gave him cause to hvr. Uis credit large, his fall and ample stock, His bank account as solid as a rock; Then fell the doom to which the man wst fated Who never advertised, but simply waited. So simply, and so vainly! Splendid signs, ich basement art irradiates and refines: Plate glass Bhow windows, elegantly dressed. Such lyvely clerks, cashiers, and all the rest. Served bat to show him how the publio size The style of him who never advertises. He waited, and all waited; clerks, cashier. Saloimen, saleswomen such dohglitfn dears Impatient waited all the season through, With precious little for the crowd to do. The public saw Ihit fact there's no deny ing But passed the store without a thought of buying. Business was dull, but salaries and rent ' Went on till cash and credit both were spent; The silly merchant hoped his luck would torn Until the sheriff closed the whole concern. . Now, at a pittance which his soul despises. He works for one who alwayB advertises... HUMOR OF THE DAT. Things worth noing Invitations to drink. ' Many patients at our best hospitals receive gruel treatment. Life. . Why are bores like trees? Because we love them best when" they leave. Dirrhk. Breaches of promise Those your tailor didn't bring home. Chicago Herald. A bee often meets with reverses. but as a rule he is successful In the end. Rochester Express. "I spread my waves from poll to poll," remarked the wig-maker as he ' rented another capillary adornment. Dr. Potter, of New York, laments the decay of enthusiasm." He should watch the small boy on the morning of the circus. llev. Dr. Pusey left a personal estate of more than $80,000. All his property goes to his daughter, Miss Mary Ame lia Brine. ThaUs to say it is all salted down. A genius advertised "A sewing- machine fur twenty-five cents in stamps," and his dupes did not see the point until they received a cambric needle. isooRKteper. Bi-igham Young's grave is utterly neglected, and his widows never visit it. They went there once to cry over his remains, but it made the ground so sloppy that they all caught cold. Joseph Cook has written an article on tobacco, but fails to teach tho secret of the art of carrying cigars in his vestf pocket in such a manner that one's friends cannot detect them 1'uck. A Western paper announces the fact that an acrobat turned a somersault on a locomotive smokestack. That is lothing. We know of an engineer who turned on the steam. Philadel phia News. The New York Sun comes out with the usual announcement that every woman in the land ought to learn how to swim. No woman knows how soon she may get tumbled off a street car. Detroit Free Press. A Troy girl was made stark, staring mad by the excitement of the prepa rations for her own wedding. She ought to have waited till she had been married a little while, when she could have found real provocation for get ting mad. It is said that a young lady can never whistle in thi presence of her lover. Tho reason is obvious. He doesn't give her a chance. When she gets her lips in a proper position foi whistling something else always occurs. Rochester Post. A San Antonio lawyer does an im mense business, according to his card in a local paper. The card reads : " I attend to all the business in the State nnd Federal courts." This must make it hard for the other lawyers to make a living. Sifting. A Missouri maiden's mistake: Ono of the sweetest-looking girls in the' State of Missouri dislocated her shoulder the other day by kicking a cat. Handsome is as handsome does, but she s-hould not kick with her right arm. Ak-hison II lube. A girl shouldn't wear a black belt about her waist when she's got a white dress on and is walking with a young man in the night time. It makes it appear from a rear window a ; if her fellow bail his arm around her waist. ISitfal) A'ewtt. Boston girls never sacrifice tho cause of culture tothat of philanthropy. A tramp recently aecusted one of them and asked her if she would be good enough to give him the price of an humble meal. "I ha.en't any mouey with me," she said, "but it you'll com nrouud to the hi uio alter pi ret home I'll tret Ului-ia read yo a?03of 'fftraauaLof" ' '