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1 . KriPAS.'jhA,''vMJ''r hojrtei period
(knit iluiruxuiwiht.- i-Af k-'-y'W
. i4..TiiiVii'ifift from lt Ytttflh
cHti(r,Vi , .Viip'H'Mvi-lliolinKin ofanpuyraoue
. . YpLvXV. v-NO. 49.
TIONESTA.'PA., WEDNESDAY. MARCH 7. 1883.
$1.50 PER ANNUM.
"Niinl III rflj .fijltt . A'
.The'snir oiefi'$)j and th intA feofi rWwit ,
..Tltojiigtit infst fehroudethtlte stenping town J
fltutif itb'ark orifitbe'dsy.. .
'If the tempeots bent of the brestes plaft '
... !StUl here ok this nphind slope rile, j', '
Looking op to the ehang fnl lVy " .
. Naught am I but a fallevr nidii,. y'''. '
I Never a crop my acres yidlty-'. 'j.. .
I Ovor the wall at my right h'ok$- y i " ' '", ' , ;
Stately and green the corn bliideq stand, . .
And I hear nt my left the flying- feet .
. Of the winds that ruatle. 'the bcnQinB wheat.
Ofien while yet the mom la red ' ' '
I lint for oiijjnaeter'e eaicer trea. -(
1I smllpt the ,jonng corn'a.' towering
heighti ,' -'
TSJt knows tho wheat is n goodly sight,
.' Jl'iie Klanbo not at the fallow field
" Miose idle acTclo wealth may yield.
' Homotimes the shout of the hnrrestee)
'The ulcfiiinpalB ef my being stirs,
And as nine in a drentn I seem to feel
'J'ln taweep and the rush of the swinging
Mfel,
Drff-witch the sonml of the gny refrain
ikrfiiey heap their wains tfith the golden
grain.
. Tet, Oh, my neighbors, be not too prond,
'J'liouKh on every tongue your praiite is loud.
' jOr mother Natnro is kind tma,
; . And I Km beloved by bird and bee
. And neVer a child that passes by
Qnt turns upon me a grateful eye.
Over my head the skies nre blue J
Trlae my share of the rain and dew J
I hn you in Jhe sntnmer sun
When tlie long bright days puss, one by one,
And oalm as you is in my sweat repose
. Wrapped In the w'rmth ef the wiaUr anows.
. For litfle our loving mother cares
Which the torn or the daisy bears,
Whioh is rich wit-hfthj rlrening wheat,
Which wijh the vibletflUreath is sweet.
Which is red with. to .Wover bloom,
Or which.; .fojMlie wild. .nwciUforn makes
room.-V yZs Mr
;.
Cseless nnder the summesky
Tear after year men say I )ie.
Iiittle they know what strength of mine
I give to the trailing blackberry vine
lilttle they know how the wild grape grows,
Or how thy life-blood flushes the rose.
Xittle they think of the cape I All
For the mosses creeping nndoT tie hill )
Iiittle they think of the fount I spread
Fajpthe wild wee creatures that mast be fed
Squirrel and butterfly, bird and bee,
.And the creeping things that ao eye may
iArd of the hftrvest, Thoa dost know
Hew the sammers and winters go.
Never a chip sails east or west
IAen with trsares at my behest,
Yet my being thrills to the voice of Goa
When I give my gold to the golden.rod.
Julia C. H. Dorr, in Harper' Mwjatine.
IN THE CREVASSE.
J The glacier will not be safe to
day." sil the old K"idfl, slinking his
hf ad gravely. " There i a yellow mist
over the cap of old Heingcn Alp, and
that means a thaw."
, "Well, and what of that?" asked
the younger man, whom I had chosen
for my guide. " Neither one day's nor
one month's thaw is going to melt the
Mer de Gkico."
" No," said the old man, " but a thaw
sometimes splits tho glacier into cre
vasses. I've seen the Mer do (Uaco as
full of cracks as the bottom of adried
up pond in summer. Many a good
fellow has lost his life at the bottom
of those chasms.!
"It's not a crack in the ice, nor a
crack in an old man's brain, that is
going to scare Franz Uerg," said the
. young man, laughing. ' I've been
guide here, boy and man, these fifteen
years, and I never heard of even a goat
being loit in a crevasse."
" Well, well, have your own way,"
muttered the old man, " wisdom is
learned by experience. Happy for you
if you live to profit by it."
I was somewhat disturbed by the
y old guide's ominous words, but not de-
terred from my original purpose. I
bad come all the way from Geneva ox-
'. .pressly to see the glacier, and it was
not the prophesying of a doting old
man that was iroincr to interfere with
my object. I had but one day to spare.
Tho weather was beautiful. The sky
was brilliantly blue, and tho snow
crowned caps of tho mountains
pparkled liko gigantic prisms in the
sun. I, for one, could not see the yel
low mist to which tho old man had re
ferred, and was greatly ir.clined to at
tribute his warning, as my guide had
done, to a megrim of his old brain.
Our preparations, consisting or mgu i
boots, shod with spikes, steel-tipped
staves and a wicker flask of spirits
apiece, were soon complete AVe set
' jfout at 10 ir the forenoon, and by 12
3had reached the left bank of the great
. Joe river which we proposed to cross.
1 I Pllse a moment awe-struck at
the magnificent spectacle. Imagine a
gigantic river, perhaps two miles
J'broad, whirling between vast snow
fc capped hills, suddenly frozen to a slow,
' 1 'moving torrent of ico. A'ast heaps of
'j no'.v iay upon it, ami nere ana mere
iHO'.v my
a i liases of ro
H'iched from
ftn passable ell
' Very near
some gorge far up the
rlirtW
itv near us a narrow nssure or
loft ran diagonally across the body
...
If the ice; the sides, smooth as glass
alid of a deep lustrous green, descend-
,g sheer into impenetrable darkness.
'Siioh a Crevasse as this, the guide Baid,
was always tope found in the glacier,
and only tho most ordinary care was
necessary to avoid it.
; We scrambled down upon the Ice
arid ifegan to njake our way cautiously
acrosH it. Owing to various obstruc
tions, such as heaped up snow, or soft
spots in the Ico, our progress was very
slow. After an hour of hard work
we had not accomplished one-half of
the distance. I sat down upon a
cube of rock to rest and look about
me.
A change had already taken place in
the weather. The sun was obscured
by a dense, leaden-colored mist, and
the valley of th,e glacier itself seemed
to he choked with masses of whirling
vapor. My outside garments wero
wet, and all around us the ice kept up
a cold and benumbing steam.
As I Rut in a far from comfortable
frame of body and mind, I war startled
by a far-off, dull, booming sound, the
echoes of which seemed to b repeated
interminably among the hills.
"What was that?" I asked the
guide.
"Most likely an avalanche on the
Ileilgen Alp," he replied. "They are
always falling there"
He was interrupted by a repetition
of the sound, much nearer to us, ac
companied by a tremendous shock that
seemed to shake the ice beneath us. I
looked at him inquiringly, and ob
served that he was slightly pale.
" A crevasse," he said, answering my
look with an air of unconcern that I
cwuld see was not wholly real. " When
t he lc .parts it makes a noise like a
cannon. It is nothing. However, we
had better be moving. I don't like the
looks of this fog."
We arose and resumed our journey,
the guide directing our course by occa
sional glimpses of the Alps through
the wreaths of fog which every mo
ment became more dense. We had not
proceeded twenty steps, however, when
the guide suddenly paused and mo
tioned me back. At that instant there
came another report, so loud and sharp
that I was absolutely stunned, and
right in front of us a long, jagged line
appeared In the ice, widening rapidly,
until two sheer walls faced each other
more than ten feet apart.
Tfieugb. tho chasm lay directly in
our way, to cross it was out of the
questiom. The guide turned quickly
to the right, and we followed the
brink of the crevasse, hoping to find a
point where it ended or was narrow
enough to spring over. Tho fog had
now bocome so dense that we could
not see a dozen steps before us, and
we were forced to move at a snail's
paco in order to avoid falling into somo
unseen abyss. We had gone on in this
way perhaps iivo minutes, when there
came another report, followed by a
series of weaker shocks. Th guide
and I paused and looked around us.
The situation had become, to say
the leatit, embarrassing. During a
momentary lift of the fog we saw all
around us a perfect network of cracks,
intersecting one another at every
angle. Then, as the vapor closed in
again, we could hear on every side tre
mendous crashings and grlndings, as
the huge masses of ice approached or
receded from each other.
What to do now was a serious ques
tion. To proceed a single yard might
be to precipitate ourselves to tho bot
tom of some frightful c'aasm, and to
remain whero wo were might be
merely waiting until tho ice should
open beneath our feet and enguif us.
But wo were speedily forced to a con
clusion. While we stood a few feet
apart anxiously discussing our posi
tion, there was another shock, and I
was blinded by a shower of srdjili par
ticles of ice. . V...
When 1 cleared my eyes jVsajir. that
another clift had opened fireclly at
my feet, between myself Send the
guide. It was rapidly whining, and
in a few seconds would scp;ixate me
from mv companion. Without hesi
tation 1 sprang across it and stood be
side him. lie looked at me with u
grave face.
"We are In great danger," he said,
simply.
" Yes," I replied, as quietly as I
could, " but we must do our best to
get out of it. What do you advise?"
" We must not stop here," ho said.
peering into the fog; " we are evidently
in the verv center or inese crevasses.
If we could get nearer to cither bank
we should be safer. I think we had
better follow one of these cracks until
we can cross it. We shall have to feel
our way, lor tms iog niues every
thing."
"Very good," I replied; "lead on
and I will keep close behind you."
Crouching almost to our hands ana
knees we proceeded slowly onward,
keeping the main crevasse, a cleft some
twenty feet wide, on our left. For
nearly an hour wo went on in this way
and still tho awful chasm yawned be
hind us. Indeed, iV seemed to me that
wo had not moved at all, and that I
recognized certain peenliarities in our
surroundings as .similar, to thoso I had
noticed at our point of departure.
Whilo I was pondei,inz this dis
quieting notion, I saw thl guide stoop
and pick up some object fiom the ice.
lie turned and looked at me with a
t white face.
I
"We need go no further, he said,
holding up his spirit-flask. "I dropped
that an hour ago n the ice beside the
crevasse."
"In other words," said I, "we have
been traveling in a circle for the last
hour."
" Yes, the crevasse is all around us,"
he replied, with a drooping head.
" We are Imprisoned upon an island of
Ice."
I was silent for a moment, strug
gling with my own dread. "Well,"
said I, " we must make the best of it
and wait until the crevasse closes
again."
He shook his head sorrowfully.
" The mass of ice we are standing
upon will bo more likely to split up
and we be swot to the bottom."
" The cawls hopeless, then," I said.
"We can do no more. Let us meet
death as bravely as we can."
"Old Kober was right," he mut
tered. "He warned me and I have
led you to your death."
" Let us not speifk of that," I an
swered. " I do not blame you, Franz.
Let us shake hands, then sit down and
wait for whatever Providence sees fit
to do unto us."
"You are a brave man," he said,
grasping my hand.
Desiring to prepare myself for what
was to come as well as I might, I
withdrew a little distance from him,
and sitting down covered my eyes
with my hand. Meantime the grind
ing and crashing went on all about
me. The fog had settled down so
heav?ly that it was almost like night.
' Suddenly and without warning.there
was a roar like a thousand thunder
peals, a blinding dash of ice particles,
and I felt as if I had been seized nnd
hurled bodify into the air. Then.with
Franz's wild cry in my ears, and the
sound of a furious wind rushing past
me, I seemed to be sinking down,
down into unfathomable depths. Then
came a violent jaf and I knew no more.
When consciousness returned I found
myself at tha bottom of a tremendous
gorge, one wall of which receded up
ward at an angle. It was by sliding
down this incline that I had escaped
being dashed to pieces only
to await death in a more
lingering and horrible form.
The gorge was lighted by a pale-greenish
glow from the polished faces of the
ice, and far above I could see a narrow
streak of outer day.
My shock and fall had aroused a
temporary resentment against my cruel
fate. I looked around for some means
of escape. One wall of the crevasse
asolntely leaned over me, and this a
cat could not have climbed; the other,
as I have already said, sloped upward
at a considerable angle, but it was so
slippery that 1 could find no foothold
upon it.
I had with me nothinff but a stronar
clasp-knife, but with this poor tool I
began desperately hacking niches for
my hands and feet in tho ice. It was
slow and painful work. When at the
end of four or five hours I found that
I had not progressed more than ten
yards upward, my heart sickened, I re
laxed my hold, and slid, numbed and
despairing, to the bottom again.
liy this time night had como upon
the world above, and in the chasm it
was perfectly black. I wrapped my
coat about me and lay 'down in the
crevasse, perfectly careless as to the
end of it all. Some time toward
morning, worn out with fatigue and
excitement, I fell asleep.
It must have been late in tho day
when I awoke. I started to my feet
and looked around me. A significant
chango had taken place in the condi
tion of the crevasse. When I had
fallen into it tho chasm had been fully
twenty feet in width. It was now
less than six. The cleft of sky was
reduced to a mere white line far
above. The walls were approaching
eneh other the crevasse was closing
again. In the course of a few hours 1
should bo crushed to pieces between
tho meeting massos of ice.
The thought had now no terror for
me. Mentally and physically I was
benumbed and callous. I sat down
upon the bottom of tho crevasse, stol
idly watching tho slow approach of
the opposite wall, until it began to
press against my feet; then I'arose to
a standing posture and continued to
eye it vacantly as bef ore.
Another hour went by; it might
have been a moment or an age, so far
as my dulled comprehension was con
cerned. The walls had now approached
so closely that I could touch the oppo
site one with my outstretched hands.
At this juncture a small object struck
me sharply upon tho head. I supposert
it to be a fragment of ice detached
from the ice-walls above, and paid no
attention to it. Hut the blow was re
peated more violently, and I looked up
carelessly to see whence it came.
It was with a sense of absolutepain,
so great was tho revulsion from de
spair to hope, that I sbw tho end of a
knotted rope dangling before me.
Some one had discovered my situation,
who it was or how I did not stop to
Wiink, and had come to my rescue.
I seized the rope and hurriedly
knotted it under my arms, and, utter
ing a shout to thoso above, was slowly
and painfully drawn up through the
fast narrowing cleft. A dozen strong
arms lifted me out into the sunlight.
Kager faces, among which I recognized
those of Franz and the old guide, bent
over me; then I knew no more.
My fainting fit lasted only a few
moments, but as I opened my eyes and
sat up, the crevasse out of which I
had been drawn closed together with
a terrific crash.
I learned that I had been engulfed
alone, and that Franz bnd been left
safe upon a detached block of ice. At
early dawn, finding the crevasse clos
ing around and the glacier becoming
passable again, he bad hastened back
to tho village nnd procured ropes and
assistance, with the hope that I might
still be alive at the bottom of the cre
vasse. They had trailed the rope
along the crevasse, knowing that If I
was still alive it would attract my at
tention. Fortunately for mo, the de
vice succeeded, and I was rescued at
the very last moment.
If, as they say, wo measure time
only by our emotions, I should be at a
loss to calculate the number of cen
turies I passed through during that
terrible night in the crevasse.
SELECT SIFIIXGS.
An Indian's widow is expected to
keep in mourning for twenty moons.
The five good emperors of Home
were Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian and the
two Antonines.
In China a lady's distorted foot,
which, naked, looks like a hoof, is
called a "golden lily."
An English writer attributes the
"leanness and lankness of Americans
to the dryness of the climate."
The ancient Chinese used hydropa
thy as a euro for certain diseases,
among others chronic rheumatism.
It is predicted that the time will
come when Gaelic will cease to be a
spoken language, and will share the
fate of its sisters, tho Manx and
Cornish.
To make a year's supply of matches
in this country takes 9.000 c r ls of
wood, and supplies eight buncho' fur
every man, woman and child. The
government tax is $3,G0O,0O0 on 400,
000,000 boxes.
It is stated that paper made from
strong fibers such as linen can now
bo compressed into a substanco so
hard that it cannot bo scratched by
anything but a diamond. In view of
this fact, it is thought that before long
a great variety of house furniture
will be made of paper instead of
wood.
Oswaldus Northingerus is paid to
have made 1,600 dishes of turned ivory,
all perfect and complete m evtrv part,
yet so thin and slender that all of them
were Included at once in a cup turned
out of a poppercorn of tho common
size. They were so small as to be al
most invisible to the eye. They were
presented to Pope Paul V.
China is ahead on bridges, the larg
est in the world being her structuie at
Lngang, over an arm of the China sea.
It is five miles long, built entirely of
stone, has 300 arches seventy feet high
and a roadway seventy feet wide. The
parapet is a Tbalustrade, and each of
the pillars, which are seventy-five feet
apart, supports a pedestal on which is
placed a lion, twenty-one feet long,
made of one block of marble.
The first Roman amphitheatre was
built by Casar with the amiable in
tention of outdoing Ponipey, who had
built a stone theatre greatly ail mired
by the people. Ciesar sent immense
sums of money from Gaul to his friend,
tho tribune Curio, who built two
wooden theatres side by side, so that
twy audiences could be entertained r.t
once, and so arranged that at a given
signal it was possible to swing one the
atre about so as to face the other and
to form an amphitheatre.
In 1378 Mark Scalliot, a blacksmith
of London, made "for exhibition and
trial of skill one lock of iron, steel and
brass, all of which, together with a
pipe-key to it, weighed but ono grain
of gold." lie also made a chain of
gold, consisting of forty-three links,
and having fastened to this the before
mentioned lock and key, he put the
chain about the neck of a Ilea, which
drew them all with case. All these
together lock and key, chain and Ilea
weishud only one grain and a half
It Walked.
That butter came from the North,'
said the landlady of an Arkamaw
boarding-house; "I don't use the com
mon butter of this country on my
table. All Vf my butter comes from a
distance." "Does it walk?" asked a
boarder. "What did you say, sir?"
" I ask does your butter walk in mak
ing the journey?" " No, sir," said the
lady, with a sod smile; "butl hope that
you can walk," and rhe oj caed the
door. " Why, madame, 1 have paid
you three weeks in advance." " It
makes no difference. No man who
insults my butter can remain under
my roof. You llirted with my daugh
ter and abused my husband, andl took
it all in good part; but. sir, as you
have passed tho limit of my endurance,
leave the place!" "Madame, feeling
that I am outnumbered, I'll leave. It
is not in your power to put mo out;
and but for tho fact that you might
call your masculine friend there"
pointing to tho butter "I'd con
test the matter; but, as if is, 1 surrei.
der. Good-day 1" Arkamutv Traveler.
SCIENTIFIC A5D INDUSTRIAL.
Wave lengths of the sounds emitted
by a man's voice in ordinary conversa.
tion alfroin eight feet to twelve feet,
and of women's two feet to four feet
per second.
Grains of corn which had been ex
posed to the fu'l vigor of the severest
weather in Arctic expeditions have
been found to sprout readily when
brought back to warmer climates.
Water, saturated with alum, is re
commended by the veteran scientist,
M. Dumas, as a speedy and effectual
remedy for extinguishing fires. His
proposition is based on the theory that
the alum would coat the objects wetted
with it, intercept the access of atmos
pheric oxygen, and thus stay combus
tion. The one-hundred-ton Armstrong
breech-loader fired its proof -rounds
with perfect success at the recent
trials at La Spezia, the Italian naval
port. The highest charge fired was
i76 pounds, with a projectile weigh
ing 2,000 pounds, The muzzle veloc
ity of tho shot was 1,834 feet to the
second, or total energy of 46.G00
tons.
Algeria is beginning to cultivate on
a largo scale the wax plant. The fruit
when gathered is put into a coarse
bag, and when plunged into a vessel
containing boiling water the wax soon
rises to the surface, when it is skimmed
otf and dried, and subsequently sold as
a substitute for beeswax, the chemical
composition of which it very closely
resembles. The odor of the substance
Is very agreeable.
Taking the enumeration of the peo
ple of France in 1881 as a basis, M.
Chervin shows that the increase since
1870 has been only twenty per 1,000,
while in England it was 145, and in
Germany so high as 574 per 1,000.
Other things being equal, Maine and
Normandy should give a great in
crease of population, but the fact is
that the number of the people is "con
spicuously" dim'n'.-hing.
The strongest and most common of
tho several kinds of paper made in
Japan is manufactured from the bark
of a shrub called niitsuma, which
grows about ayard in height, blossoms
in winter, and thrives on very pooi
soil. When the stem has reached its
full height it is cut off close to the
ground, when offshoots spring up,
which are again cut as soon as they
are large enough.
As to mimicry tho giraffe has the
most astonishing power of any animal,
says Dr. II. W. Mitchell. Inhabiting as
it does the forest of Africa, and feeding
upon the boughs of trees, its great size
makes it a most conspicuous object. Its
most dreaded enemies are the stealthy
lion and man. In the regions it most
frequents are many dead and blasted
trunks of trees, and its mimicry is
such that the most practiced eye has
failed to distinguish a giraffe lrom
tree trunk or a tree trunk from a giraffe.
It has even been said that a lion has
looked long and earnestly at a giraffe,
in doubt whether it was a tree or not,
and then skulked away.
A Dutch Farm.
An English traveler describes
Dutch farm near Haarlem, and the
family working it. He declares that
he never saw anything so exquisitely
clean, neat, pretty nnd well arranged;
the kitchen and the kitchen stove a per
fect picture ot polished steel and spot
less plaques; all the pails painted t
light blue with hoops of- silvery
brightness; the dairy, a scene of red
tiles and gleaming milk-pans, pleasing
to every sense; the liarn.more like cant
net work than carpentry. The rail
ings of the outdoor staircase to the
hay-lofts are handsome enough for any
mansion; the ladders are nicely
nnislieU; the gates highly orna
mental; the fences nil elegant and
tasteful. There is no litter anywhere;
no neglected corners; no ill-kept
patches of grass; no waste places
overgrown with weeds, and this farm
is not a rich man's plaything, but a
real tarm, worked cluclly by the n
cupant and his sons and daughters
who derive from it their whole reve
nue.
An Immense Gold Nugget.
Sam Howard has been a gold miner
m California for many years, and has
been uniformly unlucky, but fickle
fortune has smiled on him at last.
short time ago while sitting on the
bank of the Indian river, watching a
Chinaman in his employ at work, he
saw an immense nugget fall out of the
dirt into the cut. As might be ex
pected, for a time it completely un
nerved him. it is related that he ha I
the nugget all that day and could
hardly decide what to do with it.
The piece is Hat and would, if squared
out, be about four inches square and
one and u-half inches thiek. It is a
littlo worn by washing and has sev
eral pieces of quartz still slicking to
ono side of it. It weighed .lOO
ounces and is valued at if '0
An Arizona paper has persuaded it
self that tho name of that Territory is
either Mexican or I ndian for " lUess (!
fcua.'
"I can't do It," never did anything
"1 will do it," has worked mirackv..
The Constant II fart.
Sadde songe is out of season
When birdes and lovers mato,
When soule tosoule must payo ewcts toll
And fate be joyned with fate;
Sadde songe and wofull thought controle
Thie constant heart of mytie,
And make news love a treason
Unto my Valentine.
How shall my wan lippes u(tr
Their summons to the dodde,
Where nowe repeat the promise sweto,
So farre my love hath fledd ?
My onely love ! What mnsicke fltet
Shall crosse thewalle that bnrrcs?
To earthe tho burthen mutter,
Or singe it to the starrs.
Terchanee she dweller a spirits
In beautye undefltroyod
Where brightest starrs nre clo.icly sett
Farre out beyondo tho voyd ;
If Margaret be risen yet
Her looke will hither turne,
I knowe that she will heare it
And all my trowe heart learuo.
But if no resurrection
Unseale her dwelling low,
If one so fayre must bide her there
Until the trumpe shall blowe,
Nathlease shall Love outvie Despairo,
(Whilst constant heart is myne)
And, robbed of her perfection,
Be faith full to her xhrino
At this blythe season bending
lie whinpers to the clodde,
To the chill graspe whore shudowes poKjO
And leaflesso branches no Ulc:
There keepe my watche, and crye los
That I.ove may not forget,
That Joye munt have swifte ending
And Lifo be laggard yet L
E. C. Stedman, in the Century.
HUfiOR OF THE DAY.
dl advised The doctor's patient.
Never look a gift mule at tho heels.
Ilawkeye.
Music, like firewood, is measured
by the chord.
Never count ydtir chicken beforo it
is catched. Picayune.
It is a curious thing, but when a
man slips up he always slips down.
Young men who want to " see some
thing of tho world " think they must
stay out nights to do it. Picayune,
They say you can't freeze a cat. But
then you can try the other extreme
and make it hot for him. Lowell Cit'
izm.
What's the use of getting up loan
exhibitions when the windows of pawn
shops are open to all gazers? Fne
Press. ,
An inch may be as good ns a inile,
but when a lady is purchasing dry
goods she would rather have the mile
as a general thing. Puck.
An old lady with several' unmarried
daughters feeds them on fish diet, be
cause it is rich in phosphorus, nnd
phosphorus is tho essential thing in
making matches.
A boy's tool chest only costs $2, and
if the lad is anyways bright he can
saw the legs off of every chair in the
house and bore holes through every
daor in a week's time.
When a lady who has been taking
music lessons for the past eight years
hangs back and blushes and says she
really can't play, don't insist on it.
The chances nre that she can't. Free
Press.
A correspondent writes: "You want
to know what kind of fruit an nxletree
bears. Why, nuts, of course ono on
each end of "the tree." We thought
some felloe of the Hub would bo able
to tell us. Boston Tra)iscript.
"Colonel," said a man who wanted
to make out a genealogical tree.
" Colonel, how can I become thoroughly
acquainted with my family history V"
"Simply by running for office," an
swered the" colonel Oil City lterrb k.
The clergyman in a certain town, as
the custom is, having published tho
banns of matrimony between two per
sons, was followed by the clerk's read
ing the hymn beginning with tho
words : " Mistaken souls, who dream of
Heaven."
A Cincinnati crank predicts the de
struction of the world this year. He
says that a "darning fne will como to
complete tho dark picture;" but it is
impossible to seo how tho picture is
giving to be dark if there is a "flaming
fire" at the time. A tlaming lire ought
to illuminate it considerably. Karris
town II em Id.
Five men b-aned up against the bar
for a nightcap. Ono drunk whisky
because tho doctor ordered it; two
others drank a hot Scotch because they
couldn't sleep a wink without it; n
fourth drank brandy for tho cholera
morbus, and tho liftli man drank
whisky because he liked it. And thero
were only four liars in the crowd.
Burlinyton Jluirln ye,.
A good story is told about Mazini.
Whilo tho notorious Italian agitator
was in London he went one day with
an English friend and bought a 1 t of
rusty old swords and pistols. "What
on earth are you g 'in;; to do with
themV" asked the lli itisher. "Nothing
at all," replied Mazzini; "only, when
the police hear of my purchase, tele
grams will be scut e cry win re, and
not a king or qu.'cu will .- lcep quietly
to night." Ami the Italian chuckled.