RATES OF ADVERTTSHIO.
One Sqnere, en Inch, on bwrllainM II M
One Bquaxe, one inch, one month. IN
One Square, one inoh, three diooUumm 00
One Square, one inch, one rnr,, , 10 00
Tiro Benares, one year. ......... U SO
Quarter Column, one year............. M t
Half Column, one Tear........ ........ M M
One Column, one yeer....MM..,.. mm M0 0
Legal notices at established raise.
Marriages and deatb noticee gratia,
All bill for yearly advertisf-menu eolleetsd
quarterly. Temporary advertisement must be
puid for in advance.
Job work, cub on delivery.
No ulor!)tions received for a shorter period
H9ii threo month.
rorrrKjioiKli'tK'o Millrltnd from ill parts of th
country. No nollco wi.l lx taktn of anunyinous
CiuiiTiiuiiluntioiiM.
Vol. XV. No. 20. TIONESTA, PA. WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 16, 1882. $1.50 Per Annum.
(Eljf orrst .HrpsMirsa
b runuamro mar nsmnti n
' J. E. WE NIC.
Onio In Smearbaugh & Co.'s Building,
ELM STREET, - TIONE3TA, PA.
XICI1MS, l.no l?KXl YEAH.
- , . . t
Old Friends.
The old old friends t
Come changed; some buried; some gone ont of
eight;
Come enomles, and in this world's swift fight
No time to make amends.
The old old frlonds .
Where re thoy ? Three are lying In one gravo
'And one from the far-off world on the dally
wave
No loving message sends.
Tbe old doar frlonds 1
One passes daily, and one wears a mask;
Another long estraogod cares not to ask
Whore causoloss angor ends.
The dear old friends,
Bo many and so food in days of youth I
Alas that Faith oan be divorced from Truth,
V hen love In severance ends.
The old old friends 1 t
They bover ronnd me still in evening shades;
Sure y they shall return when-sunlight fades,
And life on God depends.
-If. J. Linton.
FASHION REPEATS ITSELF.
I, Robert Ogden, at twenty-four, was
a tolerably pood-looking youth, witb a
position in Wells & Banker's wholesales
store as bookkeeper at a salary of
seventy- five dollars per month. Noth
ing very brilliant abont all this, to b
sure ; but I think I should have felt
very well satisfied with my lot in life
had I never indulged in dreams of sad
den wealth in other word?, if 1 had
never heard of my rich Annt Mahala.
Now unfortunately or fortunately, just
as vou please to consider it I bad not
only heard of her, but sbe was tbe
oracle to which onr family listened on
all ocoanii ns. She was a spinster ol
the severest type, but she was the pos
sessor of two hundred thousand dollar
in good seonrities, and this, as you maj
imagine, covered a multitude of defects.
When I was six years old and my
cousins, Bert and Jim Osgood, wen
about thu snrue aire. Aunt Mahala an-
nounood her intention of setting one ol
us up in business to the extent of ball
her fortune hrn he, tbe lucky boy.
tbonld become twenty-five years o
spa Whichever one of us beet spited
her in generil I'ehavior end in tbe
choice of a w fa should be tbe favored
one, she declared. On that day m
trouble commenced. Of course th
choice of a wife bad not yet entered my
youthful imagination, but as I grew
into boyhood I manifested a natural
desire to have as Rood a time as other
boys, and this was entirely contrary to
Aunt Mabala's strict idea of propriety.
"The idea of your letting that boy
go off with a lot of other young loafers
to ride down hill till 10 o'clock at
night 1" she would say to my mother,
and for that winter, at least, my fun was
spoiled, or else procured under the
greatest difficulties. Oh, I bated Aunt
Mahala in those days, and wished her
a thousand miles away I
When I was old enough to realize the
immense help her money would be to
me, I did, for a time, try to please her ;
but her whims and her almost constant
"interference provoked me beyond the
bounds of endurance.
" Let her keep her money I" I de
clared wrathfally to my mother, who
was always expostulating against my
impatienoe. "If Jim and Bert want to
get down on' their knees to her they
can do so, but I am resolved to be
independent "
Now all thid sounded very fine and I
felt every word of it ; at the same time
one hundred thousand dollars was a
nice sum. and nothing would have
suited me better than to have it at my
disposaL
When T obtained a situation at Wells
& Banker's, Annt Mahala for the first
time acknowledged herself pleased.
I liVn In spa vnnriff men oat into
' wesD." she said, emphatically,
"There's nothing more disgusting than
to see a young epru like yourself saun
tering around wi h a cape and a cigar,
trying to make folks think ho's a man
when be don't know any more than a
baby."
Strangely enough, she adviued all her
nephews to get married.
" Men are poor, miserable creatures
unless they have a sensible woman to
look after them and keep them from
making fools of themselves," sue said
to me.
I did not contradict this sweeping
assertion, but I might just as well have
done so, for she took up her last remark
exaotlv as if I had.
"Yes, fools perfect fools 1 They
always will be, for they always have
been."
" Was that the reason you never
married one of them ?" I ventured to
ask, although I knew that my chance
for the one hundred thousand would
sink a trifle thereby.
"None of ycur impudence, young
man I I refused better fellows than you
before I was sixteen years old, because
they didn't know anythicg."
This was very flattering, but I mod
estly refrained from making any reply
whatever, and Aunt Mahala went on:
" The worst of it is the women don't
know anything nowadays a shiitless,
lazy set, with no more common sense
IDIUl a pcawtbi VfUJ, HliCU A m
vounar
But I reoolltcted a pressing engage'
ment. and left the oom.
It was about this time that I met Bay
Ansdell. She was an only child, and
although her father was not wealthy he
was in possession of a good inoome; so
IUy drbsed handsomely, went in the
t pocioty and had every wish grati
' ' wa not a b-auty, strictly
face that was more attractive than mere
regularity of features, and she knew
now to make herself IrresiBtiblv charm-
ng to her friends. Oay, stylish and
nolined to flirt I found her, but be
neath it all sbe was pure and true and
womanly, and I loved her as I bad
never even dreamed of loving any
woman.
I plucked up courage at last and told
her so, although I knew she oould do
better as far as moner was concerned,
unless, indeed, Aunt Mabala deoided in
my favor, which at present seemed very
unlikely. And now that Ray had prom
ised to be mine, and I was looking for
ward to our marriage, I longed for the
ne hundred thousand more than ever.
It would" enable me to place my darling
in as good a home as 1 should take her
from, and I could not endure the
bought of anything less. 1 did not
want to take any advantage of Jim and
Bert, however. Once 1 ventured to
broach the subjeot to my annt, and pro
posed that she should divide the money
equally among tbe three of us; but I
was promptly tola to mum my own
afl'drs, and not trouble mj self about
manor which wonld never trouble me.
Tlnrt hanneneii to be the one to in
form Annt Mabala of my Ingagement to
11 ty Ansdell.
'I tell you sbe s stylish I ' 1 heard
him say in conclusion, and with ma
licious intent, I was sure, for tbe word
stylish " always goaded the old lady
into a furious homoi.
' Stylish 1" she snorttKl : exouse the
verb, but no other one expresses ber
e. ' Of course that's all he wants,
then I Any little fool who can mince
along and look like a fash ion plate will
do for him ; no brains, no common sense
but never mind, if she's only stylish 1 '
At this junoture I wp.IAed into 'the
room, and Bert, who did riot knovr of
my proximity looked a lit tie cresMaUen,
tnd soon took his departu re.
" 8o Bert was kind eno ugh to inform
rou of my engagement," 1 remarked.
"Oh, yes I It was notlling to me, of
oursej He enly happen ed to mention
it.'
This in her most Bare astio tone of
voice, and I knew she raa offended
because I had not made a confidante of
her.
" It is only a few days since it was all
settled, and I was awaiting an oppor-
nnity to inform you of i'V I said.
anxious to conciliate her, if p ossible.
" Don't trouble yourself to make
excuses, young man. UI oou rse no one
expected you to think of you r poor old
aunt at such a time as this. She has
nothing in common with 1 fty young
gentlemen nor giggling lit .tie flirts.
either."
"Aunt Mahala. please don't pass
judgment upon Bay insdell until yon
have seen her and become .acquainted
with her," I begged, feeling- the occa
sion to be too important to lose my
temper.
" Well, bring her around," ehe con
descended to say. "I confess I'd like
to see the girl who is fool enough to
want to throw herself away on you."
It would never do to slight thi s court
eous invitation, bo I explained to Bay
soon afterward that an eocentrio old
aunt of mine desired to see her. Bay
expressed her willingness to go and pay
her a visit
" I dearly like eocentrio people, sho
declared, enthusiastically.
I greatly doubted ber liking Aunt
Mahala, but I would not disoourage ber
by saying so.
" 1 will come for vou early Saturday
afternoon,' I said, as 1 kissed her good
bye at the door. "And, darling, you
must not mind if my aunt makes pe
culiar remarks ; it is her way."
"Ub, no I And 1 shall make her
like me, in spite of your forebodings to
the contrary."
"Wow, Bay, I never said"
" No you never said so." interrupted
Ray, "but you looked it all the time.
Y u imagine your Aunt Mahala and I
won't get on together ; well, we shall
see."
" I don't know bow any one can help
loving you," I cried, snatching a dozen
kisses from the bright, rogumh lace so
lose to mine.
Saturday, immediately after lunoh-
eon, I informed Ann Mahala that I
should bring Ray Ansdell to seo her that
afternoon.
" Ansdell Ansdell," 6he mused. "I
used to know a man by that name a
good while ago a poor, shiftless,
drinking fellow. What did you Bay ber
other name was?"
"Rachel," I replied, thankful that it
was an old-fashioned name, for Aunt
Mahala persisted in liking anything and
everything dating fifty years baok.
' Then why don't you call ber Rachel
instead of that silly nickname? But
then I suppose it wonld not be stylish
enough for ber ladyship."
I kept my temper with an effort, and
tried to say calmly:
" Auntie, I hope you will say nothing
to Miss Ansdell about your fortune or
your intentions regarding it She
Eromised to marry me believing me to
e a poor man with my way to make in
the world, and as she will probably
have to live with me as suoh I don't
want you to say anything to raise ex
pectations which may never be real
ized." "Don't be alarmed." said Aunt Ma
bala, grimly, "It's not likely I'd be
bragging of my money to a little chit
like her, who don't know the value of a
dollar exoept to fritter it away on candy
and ribbons. By tbe way, I should
think it would be quite a oomedown for
tbe young lady to set up housekeeping
on a salary of seventy-five dollars a
month," sneered the old lady, in a
r, '.rp, r ' ,t p'ie Ifv blood boil.
"You will please be mere respectful
in speakin g of her and to her," I re
torted. "I don't expect you to like
ber. If I brought down an angel out
of heaven yon would say she didn't
know anything ; but if you do not treat
Ray Ansdell decently I will never for
give you, and when I have a home of
my own you shall never enter it. Now
mark my words."
"You insufferable puppy I" shouted
Aunt Mabala, furiously. "You look
well talking about angels out of
heaven I You look a great deal more
like mating with an angel ont of the
other place, with your smoking and
swearing and your disrespeotful manner-"
Here she choked for breath and I es
caped from the room. I reflected that
I had been exceedingly fool if-k to loe
my temper when talking with Annt Ma
hala, for when this happened she never
failed to get tbe better of me; she cer
tainly had done so now, and this fact
would pnt her into something as nearly
resembling good humor as she ever al
lowed herself to indulge, consequently
now was tbe auspicious time to present
Ray.
I hurried at once to ber home and
found her waiting for me.
" You don't say a word about my
new suit," she said, as soon as we
started. " It just came home from the
dressmaker's, and it is quite too stylish
for anything."
My heart sank; Aunt Mahala wonld
hate the dress and its owner, I thought,
os I looked down at it. It was a plain,
full skirt of some silky material,. with a
queer, gathered waist, and puff at tbe
top of the sleeves; nothing fancy about
it, but if it was stylish, its fate was
sealed as far as Aunt Mahala was con
cerned. "Rob, something troubles you this
afternoon," exclaimed far sighted Ray.
" Do I look so very hideous, and are
you sure that Aunt Mahala won't like
me?"
"You are charming, my pet; but I
was thinking how miserably poor I am.
Ray, have you ever reflected that witb
my salary I cannot provide all tbe
luxuries to which you have been accus
tomed in your own home?"
" Rob, have you ever reflected that
so long as I have you I don't care a
penny for luxuries or anything else ?"
" But when you are deprived of them
you may miss them more than you
imagine, my dear Ray," I urged.
" If you keep on talking in this ridio-,
ulous way I shall think you are becom
ing tired of me, and in that case there
is n6 use going to see your Aunt Ma
hala," exclaimed Ray, stopping short
and pulling ber arm from mine.
"There, there, Ray I I won't say
another word; we'll take eaoh other for
better or worse, aid I'll work oh, bow
I will work to make a fitting home for
yon 1"
We bad arrived at the house by this
time and I led the way at onoe to my
Annt Mabala's room. The old lady
arose as we entered, and gazed steadily
at Ray.
' Where did you get that dress ?"
she demanded, without paying the least
attention to my formal introduction.
" Madame Gutbbert made it for me,"
answered Ray. manifesting no surprise
at my aunt's abrupt question.
"It's the first decent dress I've seen
on a girl in fifty long years I Why, child.
1 bad cue made nearly like it when I
was a girl; and a bead work bag, too I'
exolaimed my aunt, snatching at the
dainty morsel of glistening steel which
Ray held in her hands. " Jast such a
one as I bad given me on my eigh
teenth birthday I I used to carry it
wherever 1 went but one day I was ont
in a boat with a lot of young people and
some one dropped it overboard, and
that was the last of it. I can't under
stand bow you happen to be carrying
one so near like it in these days," Aunt
Mahala said, in a dazed kind of way.
"This was Grandmamma Ansdell's
when she was young," Riy explained,
brightly. "It's exactly like the fash
ionable ones now, and mamma said I
might have it for mine. I'm knitting
lace," she went on, as my aunt oou
tinned to gaze at her like one in a dream;
" so I thought I'd bring it along and
work while we talked."
" To be sure, my dear I Sit riorht
here by me," said Aunt Mahala, drawing
out the easiest chair and seating Ray in
it
All this time I bad stood by, so as
tounded by the old lady's amiability
th t I hardly comprehended what was
being said- Had she suddenly lost her
mind, or was Ray bewitching her?
They were soon deep in the mysteries
of lace-making, and Aunt Mahala
brought out piece after piece of lace
yellow with age.
"All my own work when I was a
girl," she said; and Ray pronounced
them lovely, and asked to copy some of
tbe patterns.
Never had I seen Aunt Mahala in such
a mood as this, and I could only be
thankful and hope for it to last.
"Rob, tbe poor old goose, doesn't
seem to appreciate lace work," Ray
said, with a side-long glance at me.
" That's so," replied 'Aunt Mahala,
evidently agreeing on the gooee ques
tion. " And be can go abont his busi
ness, if he has any."
I left, and only returned in time to
take dinner with them, rightly judging
that they would get along as well with
out me.
" Your aunt has given me the loveliest
band-embroidered handkerchief ?" Ray
informed me. "And she is going to
teach me to do the &me kind of em
broidery. Oh, I've had a delightful
g'tpTirion !" ('' w't on, timing to
Aunt Mahala, "and I shall eome again
very soon."
"Robert" said my aunt, as Ray was
tying on her quaint poke bonnet to go
home, "Rachel looks very much as I
did at her age."
This was the worst insult of all, but I
bore it without a murmur, and Ray ex
claimed, impulsively:
" I hope I shall look as nice as you
when I get to be your age 1"
I actually thought I saw tears in Aunt
Mahala's eyes, when Ray threw her
arms around her neck and kissed ber
good night and her voice certainly trem
bled ss she said:
" Qjod-nieht, my doar child. God
bless and keep yon I"
"Rob, has your Aunt Mahala any
property?'' inquired Ray, soon after we
commenced onr homeward walk.
" Yes, I believe she has some," I an
swered, hypociitically.
" Then I am sure she intends giving
some of it to you. She asked me how I
expected to get along as the wife of a
poor man, and I said I should be very
economical. I told her we were go:ng
to woik together and make money; that
I should do most of my own work, and
alt that She chuckled and nodded her
head, and kept saying, ' We shall see
we shall seel' and I couldnt help,
thinking she meant to do something for
you. I hope she will, Rob, for your
sake. I don't like to think of your
toiling behind that desk to make a bare
living for us."
Then I told her all about the one
hundred thousand which I had not the
slightest doudt would now be mine.
" And all because yon are the dear
est, sweetest, most sensible woman in
the whole world I" I declared..
"No," contradicted Ray, "it's because
fashion, like history, repeats itself. I'
the old sty es bad not become new I
shouldn't have had my dress made in
this delightful, old-fashioned way, nor
should I have been carrying Grand
mamma Ansdell's work bag, nor should
I have been knitting lace such as your
Aunt Mahala made so long ago; and
you know very well, Rob, that it was
all this which pleased the dear old lady."
"Then we'll call it Providence work
ing in our behalf, and be thankful lor
evermore," I said.
"And you will do something for your
cousins, who will be terribly disap
pointed," pleaded tender-hearted Ray.
"Certainly," I replied. "I always
intended to help them if the money
came to me."
The next day Aunt Mahala informed
me that I might get into any branch of
business that I desired, and she would
furnish tbe money.
" Yon have some business tact," she
said, condescendingly, "and with such a
wife as Rachel Ansdell, you can't go far
wrong."
I thanked her heartily, and kissed her
to emphasize my thanks, at which she
was greatly incensed, and told me not to
make a fool of my sol f.
Bert came over that same morning.
I fancied he was a little anxious to know
how Aunt Mahala liked Ray. She did
not keep him long in suspense, but
sounded her praises until be appeared
to grow tired of listening,
" Wait until you see the girl have
my eye on," he said, lightly.
" You couldn't find one like Rachel
Ansdell if you hunted tbe world over.
Why, never shall torget bow I felt
when she walked in here yesterday.
She looked like some dear old pioture
stepped down out of a frame. It
brought baok the days of my youth it
did, indeed 1" declared Aunt Mahala,
vereintr on tbe poetiual.
The old lady has n ever lost her good
opinion of Ray. but always looks upon
her with especial favor. She is losing
some ot ber sharpness ol tongue and
temper, too. I think she is ashamed to
indulge before Ray, who is good nature
and sunshine itself. If she keeps on
improving she will be quite a lovable
old lady, bnt however that may be, It
and can never forget bow much we
owe her.
How Sne (Jot Kven.
They tell a story of a would-be funny
broker, who last season adopted a most
nendish method ot r etting evea with
one of the cbronio flirts who are said to
make the piazzas here lively later in the
season. He obtained half a dozen en
ergetic crabs from the fishing beach,
and watohiDg for an opportunity when
no one was in a particular tank exoept
the inconsistent lair object of his ven
ceanoe, be dropped in the crustaceans
( way up term for crabs). The young
lady oontinued her natatorial exercises
(jam up term for paddling) a few
minutes longer, when sbe sud
denly uttered a blood-curdling
shriek, and was helped np the ladder
with a crab hanging on to her pink little
toe. Sbe had several consecutive
epileptic fits while the marine corn
doctor was being removed. The Me
phistophelean glee of the broker, bow
ever, gave him away, and for fear of
some counter-trick he decided to bathe
early in the morniDg thereafter. A few
days after that the bath-house keeper
was startled by some territio yeLs, and
hastily entering the tank-house he be
held the broker floundering out with a
big, jagged-toothed spring rat-trap
denoted on his heel.
"Who the deuce put this horrible
thing in the water?'' roared the broker.
"I did, sir," sweetly replied the
crabbed youDg lady aforementioned,
stepping out of a bath-room. " I put
it there to catch those horrid crabs, you
know."
The broker went home on a crutch.
San Francic Post.
The way to treat a man of doubtful
crerlit is to tke ao bote of him.
SCIENTIFIC S0TE8.
Seasoned wood, well saturated with
oil when put together, will not shrink in
the driest weather.
A Russian paper reports that a Ger
man has succeeded in producing petro
leum in a solid form.
At the distance of Neptune tbe solar
attraction is 900 times less than at the
distance of the earth.
The temperature required for kind
ling matches varies from 150 degrees to
160 degrees Fahrenheit.
Sap is water with sugary, saline,
albuminous, mucilaginous and gummy
matters dissolved in it
The microphone has been successfully
used in studying the noises of volcanio
eruptions and earthquakes.
Tt is said that there are upward of
8,000 steam plowing machines now em
ployed in England and Scotland.
Steam at ordinary pressure, when
sent into saline solutions, raises their
temperature considerably above its
own.
An estimate of the quantity of sedi
ment carried down by Chinese rivers
indicates that if the deposit continues
at the piesent rate the Yellow sea will
be converted into dry land in db,uu
years.
MW.'Grchaur and Qniquand have de
termined by a series ot interesting ex
periments that the total weight of blood
hi the system ot a live mammal is be
tween one-twelfth and one-thirteenth of
the body weight.
A process for making gum from At
lantic and Pacific alges has reoently
been devised from France, The result
ing product is said to be useful in the
arts, especially in the manufacture of
eather substitute.
After a cruise of a few months in the
South Pacific a French man-of-war was
recently found to have specimens of
living coral growing upon her hulL
Tbis interesting disoovery has thrown
some light on the question of the
rapidity of growth of corals. The evi
dence tends to show that the vessel on
passing a reef of the Gambier Islands,
against which it rubbed, had picked up
a young tungia, which adhered to the
sheathing of the ship, and grew to the
sizft and weight it bad when observed,
a diameter of nine inches, and a weight
of two and a half pounds, in nine
weeks.
Chronic poisoning by arsenio has re
ceived the experimental attention of
Doctors C'aillot de Poncy and Li von,
and the results of their observations
may be of value' to certain ladies and
not a few medical practictioners. Small
doses were given to cats at intervals.
Under the influence of the arsenio tbey
were able to take more than the normal
quantity of food. For a time they in
creased in weight, and presented every
outward evidence of good health. By-and-bye
a change occurred. The cats
had diarrhea; they lost appetite; tbey
became languid, and they died in an
ansemio and lean condition.
The heaviest brain ever weighed in
this country was taken from the skull
o I James H. Madden, who died recently
in Leadville. The doctor who attended
him during his last sicknesa had ob
served tbe immense frontal and lateral
development of bis head, and deter
mined to weigh the brain, but his as
tonishment was great when it brought
down the scales at 624 ounces. Ouvier's
brain weighed 644 ouuees considerably
surpassing all other records but tbe
brains of Napoleon, Agassiz and Web
ster, though phenomenally heavy, were
muob lighter than Madden's. It is an
interesting faot that Madlen was not a
naturalist, a soldier pr a statesman, but
a gambler.
HEALTH HINTS.
Dr. Foote's Ihnllh Monthly asserts
that an orange eatei- before breakfast
ou bs the craving for liquor and lm
proves a disordered stomach.
There's despondency and degeneraoy
in musty ggs. Think of their semi
rottenness cooked and eaten, and made
into blood and coursing through the
systen I
Amnio poisoning is net always to be
traced to green coloring. One case was
due to red wall paper, and the sub
stance is found abundantly in white,
g ay, blue, mauve and brown wall
papers.
A correpondent of the Dental Cot
mo says that the best treatment in re
gard to offensive breath is the use of
pulverized charcoal, two or three table
sponfuls per week, taken in a glass of
water before retiring for the night
The onltivation of a powerful muscu
lar development does not of itself in
sure health and long life. It may even
entail a certain danger. The man who
makes an kthlete of himself must con
tinue one, or else drop bis exercise with
slowness and caution.
A remedy, which is recommended by
good authority as excellent for the com
plaints of children at tbis season of tho
year, is made by boiling for six hours a
teaoupful of wheat flour tied closely in
a cloth- At the end of that time take it
out of the water, and let it dry and cool.
Wben you wish to use it grate two
tablespoonf uls of it, mix with a little
cold milk, then stir into one pint of
boiling milk. Sweeten to the taste with
powdered sugar.
A foreign journal states that chemi
cally pure glycerine, when taken in
large quantities, exerts a prisonous
effect on the system, oompara(e to tba
produced by alcohol.
Tbe Yellow Pane.
When overhead the gray clonds meet,
And the air is heavy with mist and rain.
Bhe clambers np to the window seat,
And watches the storm through the "yellow
pane.
At the painted window she langhs with glee;
She smiles at the clonds with asweetdisdaia
And calls: " Now, papa, it's sunshine to me,
As she presses her face to the yellow pane. '
Dear child, in life shonld the gray clonds roll.
Heavy with grief o'er tby path amain,
Stealing the snnli ht from thy sonl.
God keep for thee somewhere a ye'low pane I
Walter Learned, in 8t. yicholat.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
There ought to be a great many red
ears in the corn crop tlm season; it has
been talked about so much.
It takes 6 000.000 miles of fenoe to
keep the neighbors' cows and hens out
of the gardens in this country.
As between the cheese press and th
printing press, the former is the strong
est, but tbe latter is the more rapid.
Perhaps the reason why the voice of
truth is so rarely beard is beca se, liv
ing in a well, she is apt to have a cold.
"Does the world miss any one?" you
ask, Julia. No, it don't miss any one,
unless he takes somebody's money along
with him,
" Don't be discouraged, my son, but
take heart" "Should be delighted,
father," was tbe reply; "but whose
heart shall I take ?"
Nothing makes so much noise as a
rickety wagon with nothing in it, un
less it be the man who insists on talk
ing when he has nothing to say.
Sharks on the Atlantio coast are un
usually stupid this year. They grab at
an old suit stuffed with hay wben a
school ma'am is kicking the water not
two rods off.
"Do you believe in signs?" asked the
shopkeeper. "Well, yes, I used, to,"
said Fogg ; "but sinoe you placed in your
window, "Selling for less than cost,'
have weakened considerably."
She was decked in flaunting jewelry,
and as she sat occupying double room in
the car she looked the perfect pioture
of self-sufficiency, selfishness and cheek. .
A bluff-lookino- gentleman, evidently
from the ratal districts, halted abreast
of her seat, but she did not deign to
move. He gave hel a searching glance,
looked at the rings, and then remarked
to the nearest gentleman, "They wear
'em in the snout out in Ohier t"
An old man witb the palsy went out
to shoot squirrels, taking his son with
him to carry the gun. Spying a half
dozen in a tree the boy tock aim, fired
and missed several times in suooesaion.
The old man took the gun in his
shaking hands, put in a fearful charge
of powder and shot, fired and brought
down three. "There I T!iat is the way
to shoot squirrels." "Well," answered
the son, " I might have done as well if
I bad fired all over the tree at the tame
time."
Odd Happenings.
In Elberton, Ga., during a recent
rain, a large turtle fell from the clunds
into tbe streets.
In Grant county, Kentuoky, a horse
was bitten by a mad dog and died of
hydrophobia. Over twenty five dogs
feasted on the carcass, went mad and
bad to be killed.
The liquor drank in Louisiana costs
817,000 00082,000,000 more than its
combined cotton, sugar and rice crop.
Virginia drinks np her entire wheat
crop annually.
A toper of Carson, Nev., boasts that
b has not once went to bed sober since
1854 and that in that time there was
not a single day in which he did not
take fifty drinks of whisky.
Tbe ball that put out Peter Vande
mark's eye came out at his thouldr a
few d iys ago. It was sent by a Con
federate sharpshooter in the late war,
but was supposed to have glanoed off.
He has enjoyt-d good health siuoe then.
S. H. R bbins, of Greenville, Ohio,
aged twenty-nine y ars, previous to the
11th of April last was perfectly white.
Since then he has been turning black,
and is now the color of a full-bloodtd
negro. His disease is said to be melan
osis. The most astonished man the clork
of the O Brien county (Iowa) oourt ever
saw was one who applied for a marriage
license and nearly went orazy when he
found that just twenty-four hours before
another follow had secured a lioense to
marry the same girl.
Wben Charles Walters, of Helen Fur
nace, Pa., was strnck by lightning it ran
down is body, cutting open his oat,
trousers and one boot, as if done with a
knife. The beech tree under which he
was standing gave no evidence ot the
bolt.
After a Smith county (Va.) well dig
ger dug 800 feet down he wen', through
with a plunge into a subterranean lake,
the distanoe between the earth and the
water being several feet A small boat
was let down and he sailed oyer five
miles, wben he found the outkft to be a
spring in the side of a bill.
As Mrs. Sophia Mervine, of West
Philadelphia, was replaoing the spout
of the tin leader that ran down outside
of her house lightning knocked it from
her band. The bolt then passed into
the water of the receiving barrel, com
pletely deluging ber with water. The
most singular part of tbe whole occur
rence is that neither the woman nor the
house was njured iu the least
A.