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Vol. XV. No. 6.
TIONESTA, PA, WEDNESDAY, MAY 3, 1882. $1,50 Per Annum.
Tho Silver Lining.
There's never a day so sunny
But a little cloud appears ;
There'a never a life ao happy
But has it time of tears ;
Tot the sua shines out the brighter
Wlwtwver the tempest cloar.
There's nevor a garden growing
With roses in evf rj plot j
There's nver a heart so hardened
But it has ono tondor spot :
tt' btive only to pmne the border
To find the forgot-me-not.
'Tiore's never a sun that rUes
But we know 'twill sot at eight J
The tints that gleam in the morning
At evening are Just as bright j
And the hour that is the sweetest
Is betwoen the dark and light.
There'a never a dream so happy
But the waking makes us sad ;
Thr's never a dieam of sorrow
But the waking makes us glad ;
We shall look some day with wonder
At the "troubles" we have had.
THAT GREEN SILK.
Mrs. Deacon Lewis and Mrs. Davis.
tho postmistress, were conferring to
gether in mysterious whispers as they
jeaneu over tneir mutual back-yard
lence. Said Mrs. Deacon Lewis :
"Seoin' is believin' or else I should
say jest as you do, that it couldn't be
trne; bnt I jeHt stepped into Miss
Badger's to see what she'd ehargo to fix
over my black alpaca I wa'n't in any
hurry lor tna alpaca, but I kind of got
an idea that there was Fomethin' in the
wind and I thought meb be Tcould find
out what it was there and there I saw
it with my own two eyes, all over plait
in's and rufflin's that itseemedabnrnin'
eharue to oat up good thick silk into,
and fiirtl up in the back so't I couldn't
bar the heart to aet down on it. And
MisB Badger, for all she's so close
mouthed, Bhe up and told me who it
belonged to, and savH I, 'You don't say
bo !' and Bnvs Bhe, 'Yes, I do,' and then
she pursed hor lips up kind of pro
Tokin', as if she could tfll a great deal
more if she wa a mind to. Bat Iv
got wit nouih to put two and two to
gether, if folks is close-mouthed, and
eays I, right out for there ain't nothin'
ely about mesays I, 'Then Cordilly
Brewfter is a-goiri' to get married. And
Mi?B Badger she never denied it"
" Well, it does beat all," said Mrs.
Davis. "This has been a sing'lar year,
TFhat with the comet and the terrible
happenin's all round; and now Oordilly
Brewster settin' up to have a green Bilk
dress, when she hasn't worn anything
but bombazine and alpaca and her one
old black silk for nigh upon twenty
years. It's enough to upset anybody's
ideas altogether, and make 'em think
the world's eomin to an end. Though
I can't say thatsnch extravagance looks
much like themillenium." .
Mis. Deacon Lewia shook her head in
solemn censure.
" A good black silk would have been
much more suitable and becomin' to a
woman iaoRt forty years old, to say
nothin' of tho wear aDd the makin' over,
and for a minister's wife "
" You don't say that she's goin' to
marry the minister!" exclaimed Mrs.
Davis.
" Why, I suppose bo, of course. Who
can it be if it isn't the minister?"
I never saw any sign of their
keopin' company. Parson Qreeley is
too speritual to marry a woman that
crimps Ler front hair with hot slate
pencils; and bhe never put more than
three eggs into those custards that Bhe
carried to the donation party. I should
think more likely 'twos somebody that
she picked up when Bhe was down to
Haverhill viimtin', or John Parmenter,
that used to keep company with her
when they was young, and has kind o
been doin' it, off and on, ever senco."
" Oh, ehe wouldn't have John Par
menter, even if he had spunk enough
to ask her, which he hain't. lie is a
good fellow, John is, but he'll never set
the world a tiro, and he's been runnin'
down hill terribly lately; has had to
mortgage his farm, they do say."
" Cordilly's money would "come in
just right, then; but, as you Bay, I don't
suppose 8b o would have him. It's likely
that's what's made John turn out bo
poorly, her not havin' him. But I can't
really believe it's the minister. There's
Sammy; let's ask him."
Sammy Greeley, tho minister's young
est hopeful, who was engaged in " shin
ning up" a neighboring telegraph pole
with the ambitious design of attaching
his kite to tho wire, descended some
what reluctantly to the earth and
obeyed Mrs. Dvis' beckoning finger.
Sammy was a freckled-faced urchin
with a turned-up none, the expression
of which was contradicted by a pair of
preternatmally solemn and innocent
looking blue eyes. In spite of his eyes
Sammy was generally regarded as a
"limb," and he and his three brothers,
Moses, Hosea and Joseph, caused the
old proverb concerning ministers' sons
to be often repeated with eomnle head
Bhakings by the townspeople.
" Siuimy, is your father goin to be
married ?" asked Mrs. Davis, with her
hand affectionately placed, on Sammy's
shoulder.
' The old gent? He couldn't remem
ber to. Nobcdy would have him,
either. lie's as bald as a door-knob,
and he asks a bleesin' anywhere along
between the meat and the puddin. And
Joe and me would fix her, anyhow."
" Wouldn't yon like to have him
marry a nice, kind lady like Miss Cor
dilly Brewster? Bhe would teach you
l ow to behave "
" Know how good enough now, and
I'd wring her old parrot's neck I I don't
believe it, anyhow, but I'm goin' to find
out."
And off went Sammy, regardless of
his kite, and buret, breathless, into his
father's Btudy.
" You ain't goin' to tjmarry Miss
Brewster and her old green parrot that
a worth, and have her always cleariu' up
and dustin' and losin' your papers, are
yer?" demanded Sammy.
The minister turned from his sermon
wriling and regarded Ham.
amazement. Gradually his expression
changed to one of perplexity. He re
moved his ppectaclcs from his eyes to
the top of his head and then he tapped
his forehead with the tips of his fin
gers, as if to summon forth some stray
ing recollection.
' That muRt be the very thing I was
trying to remember I Wait a moment.
I must have set it down somewhere."
And Parson Greeley drew from one of
the pigeon holes of his desk some loose
sheets of foolscap paper which had evi
dently been used as a diary. Several
pages were devoted to memoranda;
these the minister read aloud: "
Mem. To confute the infidel ped
dler's argument by St. Paul, and
"Mim. To tell Deborah, mildly
but firmly, that so much saleratus is
not conducive to health.
" Mem. To punish Joseph and
Samuel for unseemly conduct at prayer
time.
" Mem. To admonish Brother Bates
(gently) that he is becoming unsound
in dextrine.
" ' Mc m. To endeavor so far as lies
in mo to restore peace to the singing
seat?.
"Mem. To endeavor to exercise
such a measure of wholesome restraint
over Moses and Samuel that they may
not 1 ecome a cause of scandal to the
neighborhood.
" Mem. To devote a greater meas
ure of attention to worldly matters,
such as applying blacking to my boots,
and brushing my raiment.
" ' Mem. To consider prayerfully
whether the use of hair-dye is incom
patible with the principl es of the Christ
ian religion or the duties of the Christ
ian ministry.
'Mem. That the singing reals are
in the hands of God, and that He causes
even the wrath of man to praise Him.
" ' Mem. To consider prayerfully
the subject of contracting a matrimo
nial allianco with Miss Cordelia Brew
ster.' "That's it I I knew I was not mis
taken ; and I felt that I had leadings
from the Lord in that direofion; and
yet, in the midft of manifold cares and
distractions, it wholly slipped my mind,
weak and erring mortal that I am.
But it may not yet be too late." And
the minister seized his hat, giving it a
hasty biush with bis sleeve, and hur
ried to the door, turning, however, to
lay his hand with unwonted tendernens
upon his son's head, saying, solemnly:
"Samuel, I thank you for this sugges
tion, and I wonld that I could perceive
in you as lively signs of the workings
oi grace as l do of wisdom and discern
ment beyond your years."
Samuel, left alone, looked after his
father with a moBt lugubrious face.
' For a feller to go and do it himself,
that's the worst of it 1 I hadn't better
let on to Mose and the rest that I did
it I No more fun if she comes here;
she'll want a feller not to tear his
clothes and have his hair brushed
every minute, and no pie or cake be
tween meals. We'll make it lively for
her, though Mose and Hose and Jo
and I."
All unconscious of what was in store
for her Miss Cordelia Brewster was en
gaged in inspecting and admiring her
green Bilk dress, which had just been
sent home fiom the dressmaker's. Miss
Cordelia was a plump little woman,
with a pinkish bloom Btill lingering
upon her cheeks, and no trace of time's
frosting upon her chestnut locks. Why
she had never married was a mystery.
For ten years after her father, the vil
lage doctor, had died, leaving her a
modest competence, the gossips had
been on the lookout for signs of matri
monial intentions on her part. When
she had passed thirty and was stiU Miss
Cordelia, people gradually ceased to
speculate about her. For some inscrut
able reason they decided that Miss Cor
delia meant to be an old maid to the end
of the chapter. It was observed that even
John Parmenter, who had somewhat
indefinitely "hung round" her for
years, "kind o dropped off;" he no
longer sat in the singing seats, where
Alies Cordelia still Berenely kept her
place, despite the rivalry of younger
choristers ; bo they were not bo fre
quently thrown together, and he was
seldom Been to walk home with her
from the weekly prayer-meeting ; his
old Borrel mare was very rarely seen
fastened to the hitching-post before
Miss Cordelia's door of a Sunday night;
and only once or twice had he been
Been shyly to offer her a nosegay of
southernwood and cinnamon pinks.
which grew to great perfection in his
garden, and of which, in her girlhood,
Miss Cordelia had been very fond.
Many other admirers had Miss Cor
delia, but she had turned a cold shoul
der upon all, and seemed perfectly con
tented to live on in her comfortable old
house, with trim box-bordered flower
beds in the front yard, and lilac bushes
crowding in at the windows, with her
handmaiden Tryphosa, who was not,
as her name suggested, a blooming and
romantio young maiden, but an ancient
and angular spinster, who believed in
signs and omens, and alwavs "fait"
j coming events "in her bones." Try
phosa was now gazing at the green silk
with a melancholy expression of coun
tenance. "Green means, forsaken; there ain't
no denyin' it. And Seliny Wilson, that
was merried in green, was laid out a
corpse in it before the end of the year;
and Mertildy Lyman, that was merried
in a white muslin sprigged with green,
and green bunnit strings, she had a
drunken husband that fell off the hay
mow and dislocated his spinal column,
and everybody knew her twins wa'n't
bright; and"
" But I am not going to be married in
it, you know, Tryphosa," said Miss Cor
delia, turning a merry face up to Miss
Tryphosa's doleful one. "Perhaps it is
only unlucky as a wedding dress. As
for being forsaken, there doesn't seem
to be anybody left to forsake me bnt
you, and I am not afraid that all the
green dresses in the world could make
you do that."
"There ain't no luck about green
nohow," said Tryphosa. "If 'twas lay
lock, now, or a handsome brown "
"I suppose I really ought to have
had black," said Miss Cordelia, medita
tively; " but some way the spring com
ing on; with everything bo fresh and
bright, made me feel as I used to long
ago, and I've made believe to myself
I wouldn't own it to anybody but you,
Cryphosa but I've made believe I was
a girl again. And that's why I had this
green silk."
"And that's why you've been putting
posies in your hair. Well, it beats all
what a difference there is in folks. Now
spring puts me in mind of house
cleanin' and soap-bilin' and bitters
Land sakes 1 if there ain't Parson Gree
ley a-comin' up the walk, and nothin'
but the old cropple crown for dinner,
and all skin and bones at that, and he
a-comin' in the yard this blessed min
ute !'
Miss Cordelia whisked the green silk
out of sight, and smoothed her crimps
demurely down, as Bhe hastened to
greet her visitor.
It happened that Miss Polly Watkins,
who went about the village peddling a
concoction known as Watkins' Unap
proachable Liniment, was so fortunate
as to be passing just as the minister
opened Miss Cordelia's front yard gate.
"There I I knew well that there
wa'n't never so much smoke without
some fire. Miss Badger needn't think
she could make me believe that green
silk gown with a train didn't mean
something. So it's the minister. Well,
men-folks is terrible thort-sijrhted cre
ipra. There is them in Westfleld that
would make him a good sensible wife "
Miss Polly was so unhappy as to go
on for nearly a quarter of a mile before
she met anybody to whom she could
tell her news, and then it was only Dr.
Ramsay, jogging along behind his old
white horse, and between him and Mins
Polly " there wa'n't," as 6he expressed
it, " no great likin', no more'n there was
apt to be between two of a trade." Bui
still news was news, and Miss Pollv
could, not resist the temptation of an
opportunity to share it.
"Well, things do turn out queer 1"
said the doctor to himself, meditatively
flicking a fly off his old white horse as
he jogged along again. . "I wouldn't
have thought she would have had any
body, let alone the old parson. If I had
thought Why, I m ten years younsr-
er'n he is and a sight better calculated
to please the fair sex. And that's a
snug bit of property of Miss Cordilly's,
and she's a wholesome-looking, good-
tempered woman, to say nothing of be
ing handsome, which don't signify. I
believe I can cut out the parson if I
try, I always said I would die a bach
elor, but it's a wise man that changes
his mind."
And the doctor actually whipped his
hcrse ut of his accustomed jog into a
lively trot, and everybody ran to the
window, for the doctor in a hurry was
a sight that the oldest inhabitant had
never seen.
In the meantime Miss Polly had met
Abner Phillips, one of the "black folks,"
who lived three miles from the village.
But Abner could not have been more
interested in Miss Polly's news if he
had lived next door to the possessor of
the green silk.
His homeward way led him past John
Parmc nter's house, and John was hoe
ing in his garden.
" Wa'al, no w, Parson Greeley is goin'
to do a pretty good thing for himself,
ain't l:e?' drawled Abner, after the
usual comments and inquiries concern
ing crops had been exchanged. "He
knows which side his bread is buttered
on. Parsons ginerally doos."
"What is he going to do ?" inquired
John Parmenter.
"You don't mean to sav von Vim'n'f.
heard? Wa'al, I declare, you don't
know what's goin' on so well as black
folks doos I -He's a coin' rn mom lVTiae
Cordilly Brewster. He's turrible tejus,
ii., .11 z -i i .
i no uiu pursuit is, ana sue u nave to
step around lively to fetch nn them
boy3. But women-folks alwava dnon Rt.
by a ministor."
After Abner had gone John Par
menter dropped his hoe and stood
wioinar his forehead with his hnnrlbar.
chief with a bewildered look.
"I don't know why I shouldn't have
expected she'd marrv. but Bomhn T
didn't. I never thought of such a thine.
i uon i Know wny l siiouid feel bo about
it. If I hadn't tho courage to auk her
when I Was vaunt? and nrmnnrnna unmli
I couldn't now. I always began to be a
coward the minute I came in sight of
her. I never felt so before any other
woman; bat then I never cared any
thing about any other. Anyway, I can't
rem unm l una out whether its true or
not. Cordelia can't object to tellino- an
old friend. Madame ltumor rules this
village, and she's very apt to be mis
taken." So John set out to call on Miss Cor
delia. As he passed the bed of cinna
mon pinks he found that, although it
was early in the season, three had blos
somed that very morning, and he made
them into a little nosegay with some
sprays of fragrant southernwood. And
he was in such haste that he forgot to
conceal them from the public gaze by a
bit of paper, as feeling that it was
somewhat ridiculous for a etout old
bachelor of forty-five to be carrying
about little bouquets he had done on
other occasions.
The doctor was driving away from
Miss Cordelia's door as John approached
it, the horse going at his old-faBhioned
jog, as if there were nothing in the
world that was worth hurrying for.
"I hope she isn't illl" thought
John, and then a sudden suspicion
seized him. Here might be another
rival, and a more formidable one than
Parson Greeley. Were rivals spring
ing up around him like mush
rooms, when he had never thought of
the possibility of the existence of one ?
Mins Cordelia's cheeks weii much
flushed, and they grew redder still at
sight of John's nosegay.
John, strange to say," did not blush
or stammer as he presented it. Rivals
seemed to be a wonderful stimulus to
his courage.
"Cordelia, I heard that you were
going to marry Parson Greeley. It
isn't true, is it ?"
There was something in the tone of
bis voice that made Miss Cordelia start.
Was John going to speak, after being
dumb so long?
"No, it isn't true," said Cordelia,
and cast down her eyes.
"Nor nor anybody else?" John
was stammering now. Was his courage
going to fail?
" No, nor anybody else," said Miss
Cordelia. " That is"
Tryphosa, coming into the kitchen
from the back yard at that moment,
saw a sight which caused her to drop
the cropple crowned rooster, bat just
deceased, into her pan of dough.
"Elviry Kimball needn't have
knocked me up at 5 o'clock this
ruornin' to inquire if that green silk
dress had a train. I should think it
did have a train 1" fiaid Tryphosa,
grimly. Bazar
Character of the Chinese Newspaper.
To begin with the ordinary and nu
merous decrees acknowledging the
good eervices of deities : "The gover
nor general of the Yellow river," pays
the Gazette of November, 1878, "re
quests that a tablet may be put up in
honor of the river god. He Btate
that during the transmission of relief
rice to Honan, whenever difficulties were
encountered through shallows, wind or
rain the river god interposed in the
niOHt unmistakable manner, so that the
transport of grain went on without
hindrance. Order : Lot the proper
office prepare a tablet for the temple of
the river god." "A memorial board is
granted," says the Gaztt& of April,
1880, "to two temples in honor of the
god of loousts. On the last appear
ance of locusts in that province last
summer, prayers were offered to this
deity with marked success." February,
1880. A decree ordering the imperial
college of inscriptions to prepare a
tablet to be reverently suspended in
the temple of the sea dragon at Hoy
ang, which has manifested its divine
interposition in a marked manner in
response to prayers for rain. In another
Gazette the director general of grain
transports prays that a distinction be
granted to the god of winds, who pro
tected the dikes of the grand canal,
whereupon the board of rites is called
upon for a report. Also the river
god is reoommended for protecting
a fleet carrying tribute rice; and the
god of water gets a new temple by
special rescript. In fact decrees of
this kind, which merely convey public
recognition of services rendered by the
state gods, appear in almost every issue
of the Gazette. The following degrees
refer to the process of qualification for
divine rank : " The governor of
Anwhei forwards (November, 1878) a
petition for the gentry of Ying Chow,
praying that sacrifices may be offered
to the late famine commissioner in
Honan, in the temple already erected to
the memory of his father. The father
had been superintendent of the grand
transport, and had greatly distinguished
himself in operations - against some
rebels. The son had also done excellent
service, and the local gentry had heard
of his death with great grief. They
earnestly pray that sacrifices may be
offered tr him as well as to his father.
Granted." "A decree issued (May,
1878,) sanctioning the recommendation
that. a temple to Fuh Tsung, a states
man of the Ming dynasty, may be
placed on the list of those at which the
officials are to offer periodical litations.
The spirit of the deceased statesman
has manifested itself effectively on
several occasions when rebels have
threatened the district town, and has
more than once interposed when prayers
have been offered for rain." Fort
nightly Revieio.
Coming Cauals.
The New York Witness thinks that
while railroads have put and end to the
digging of short canals the great canals
of the world that remain to be made
are: 1. Through the Isthmus of Puna-
ma; 2. Through the neck of the Malay
peninsular; 3. From the Upper Nile to
the Bed Sea; i. Through the peninsu
lar Sohles wig-Uolntein ; 5. From the
head of the Bay of Fundy to the Gulf
of St. Lawrence; 6. From Lake Win
nipeg to Hudson Bay.
SUNDAY READING.
Pnylna Debts.
One of our religious exchanges has
the following strong remarks on this
subject. They drive the nail to the
head and clinch it : "Men may so
phisticate how they please. They can
never make it right, and all the iniqui
tous laws in the universe cannot make
it right for them not to pay their debts,
There is a sin in this neglect as clear
and as deserving church discipline as is
stealing or false swearing. He who
violates his promise to pay, or witholds
the payment of a debt when it is in his
power to meet the obligation, ought
to feel that in the sight of all honest
men he is a swindler. Religion may be
a very comfortable clok under which
to hide, but if religion dobz . not make
a man deal justly, it is not worth
having."
Religions News and Nates.
The Presbyterians in Minnesota num
ber 7.419.
The bishop-elect of Cuernanaca, the
Rev. Prudenzio G. Hernandez, of the
Reformed Mexican church, is a pure
blooded Indian.
The Rev. G. Hubert, a Baptist minis
ter in Norway, has been sentenced to
pay a heavy fine for having baptized a
young person, both of whose parents
were already members of the Baptist
church.
According to the Irish church direc
tory for the current year there are now
1,708 clergy in the Protestant Episcopal
church of Ireland. In the census of
1861 there was 2,265, and the decrease,
therefore, in the twenty years has been
550.
The will of the late Leonard Church,
of Hartford, is not to be contested,
Mrs. Church agreeing to pay the con
testants 825,000. The estate is valued
at $400,000. Two Congregational so
cieties and the American Tract society
will receive $4,000 each.
The annual Btatiatics of the Moravian
church in the United States show that
there are now 9,697 communicants, a
gain of 136; non-communicants over
thirteen years of age number 1,530,
and there are 5,307 children. During
the year twenty-five were excluded and
943 " dropped."
Bishop Peterkin pays that, contrary to
the assertions of some, it is a very com
mon thing for ministers to decline
churches that are offered to them, with
much larger salaries than they are re
ceiving, because they are unwillinp to
give up a work in which they have be
come interested.
There are in the United States 3,239
Lutheran ministers. Of these, the
lurerest number in any one State is
in Pennsylvunia, which has 550; Illi
n is has 365; Ohio, 340; Wisconsin,
265; Minnesota, 228; New York, 180;
Iowa, 168; Indiana, 135; Michigan,
118. No other State has a hundred.
There are at the present day estab
lished in the Fiji islands about 900
Wesleyan churches and 1,400 schools.
The communicants are numbered by
thousands. The schools are attended
by nearly 50,000 children, and out of
a population of about 120,000, over
100, COO are reckoned as regular at
tendants at the churches. Idolatry is
scarcely known, and cannibalism, for
which these islands were so famous
only fifty years ago, has been volun
tarily abandoned save by a single tribe.
Auecdote of Judge Story.
The following anecdote about the
famous jurist Story is in private circu
lation, but is good enough for the pub
lio eye. It was prepared for Story's
biography by his son, but Charles
Sumner, who edited the work, struck it
out. The narrative runs like this :
In his younger days Story lived in
the aristocratic old town of Salem, in
Massachusetts. His great ability was
not then tempered by as mnch wisdom
as he afterward displayed, and ho was
looked upon - with disfavor by some of
the old families. One day Mrs. A.
called upon Mrs. B., and in the course
of their conversation (there being a
seamstress present) Mrs. A. asked Mrs.
B. if her daughter was going to the
party that evening. " No," was tho
short reply, "I don't propose to let
my daughter go to any place which is
frequented by that insignificant young
puppy Story." Years afterward, when
Story was a judge on the supreme
bench, he visited Salem, and was
warmly weloomed by those who had
known him formerly. Among his best
friends apparently was Mrs. B., and he
accepted her pressing invitation to din
ner. Now, in the years which had
elapsed, the seamstress had become
possessed of a home of her own, to
which was attached a garden, with a
pear tree, which was just then loaded
with fine fruit. After the invitation to
dinner had been accepted the Beam
stress received a call from Mrs. B.'s
servant, askiug her to send up a basket
of her excellent pears for dinner, as
" Mr. Justice Story, of the supreme
court of the Unite d States, was to be
present." The good-natured Beam
stress sent the pears at once, and with
them this message? " Tell your mis
tress that I am glad that the insignifi
cant young puppy Story has grown to
be bo fine a dog." Harper's Migfuiyte,
The difference between a person in
his first childhood and his second
childhood is this: In bis first childhood
he etita his teeth; in his second child
hood the teeth cut lum.Lowtll
Courier.
The number of national tanks in the
United States is 2,103.
Tears.
Is it rainy, little flower ?
Bo glad of rain.
Too much sun would wither thee ;
'Twill shine again.
The clouds are very black, 'tis true ;
But just behind them shines the blue.
Art thou weary, tender heart ?
Be gl id of pain.
In sorrow swootost things will grow,
As flowers in rain.
God watches, and thon wilt have sun
Ybon clouds their perfect work have done.
M. F. Buitt.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
There is one thing to be said infavor
of knee breeches they don't bag at the
knees.
The nine that none of the league
ball clubs care to tackle strych
nine. Home Sentinel.
A man who was formerly a night
watchman refers to it as his late occu
pation. Lowell Citizen.
Philadelphia has an artist named
Sword. When eight years of age he
was only a little bowie.
Persons desirous of learning insect
life should interview the bee. He can
always give you a point. Salem Sun'''
beam.
Somo epicures object to duck as a re
freshment, because if the bird isn't .
well picked the consumer is very apt to
feel down in the mouth.
Why, of course a dress coat is the
proper garment to wear at a swell din
ner. It doesn't button in front, and
gives you a chance to swell.
"Ask no woman her age," says a
recent writer on social ethics. Of
course not. Ask her next best lady
fr'end. She will never fail to give the
information.
You are right in objecting to the
principle that the bulldog is entitled
to the whole of the sidewalk, but if he
wants it vou'd better let him have it.
Boston Post.
" I am beside myself," said Lorenzo,
as he stood by a portrait of himself in
the artist's studio. " It isn't the first
time though, Lorenzo," sighed his wife
in martyr tones.
An Italian lady knows forty lan- .
guages and talks thirty-two, yet when
ehe gets right mad this knowledge is of
no use, for her husband can only un
derstand one of them.
The 2'22d asteroid has been discov
ered, and the world moves right along
as if man had no further mission here
than making sott oap or whittling up
shingles. Free Press.
Our exchanges contain frequent men
tion of ponnd sociables " We have
uo idea what they are, unless they are
the kind of entertainment Sullivan and
Ryan indulged in lately. Sittings.
A statistician computes that one
hundred and fifty tons of human hair
annually change owners in France. We
are unable to give the figures for this
country, as the Indians keep no re
cords.
" Intelligent!" said the man of his
setter dog, " He knows a heap, fir.
Why, once he took a dislike to a man
and went and induced the man to kick
him so I would lick the man! Fact,
sir!" Boston Transcript.
At a high school examination the
teacher asked the son of an old ice
dealer how many ounces there was in a
pound. And the boy said it depended
on the extent of the srop. the length
of the summer and the heat of the
weather, varying from 5 1-2 to 11 3-4,
but never reaching as high as sixteen.
Hawkeye.
WISE WORDS.
That which is well done is twice
done.
A blithe heart makes a blooming
visage.
Better one word in time than two
afterward.
None but the wise man can employ
leisure well.
People seldom improve when they
have no other model than themselves to
copy after.
Fortune does not change men; it
only unmasks them and shows their
tiue character.
When you have occasion to utter a
rebuke, let your words be soft and your
arguments hard.
We cannot too soon convinoe ourselves
how easily we may be dispensed with in
this world of curs.
Give me the money that has been
spent iu war and I will purchase
evry foot of land upon this globe.
Instead of containing of tho thorns
among the roses, we should be thank
ful there are roses among the thorns.
Men who have the ptrongest intel
lects have the weakest memories; they
trust more to invention than to
memory.
A brain is a very hungry thing indeed,
and he who posNessesit must constantly
feed it by reading or thinking, or it
will Bhrivel up or fall usleep.
That which is good enough to be
done cannot be dona too soon; and if it
is neglected to be done early, it will fre
quently happen that it will not be done
at all.
It is the habitual thought that frames
itself into our life. It a Hefts ua oven
more than our intimate social ligations
do. Our confidential friouda have not
as much to do i- - -g our lives as
the thoughts h "i we harbor.