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VOL. XIV. NO. 31. TIONESTA, PA., NOy. 2, 1881.
$1.50 Per Annum.
Reconciliation.
If thou wort lying, cold and still and while,
In death's embrace, oh, mino enemy!
1 think that if I came and lookod on thoo,
I should forgive; that something in tho sight
Of thy still face would conquer mo, by right
"Of doalh's sad impotonco, and I should soe
How pitiful a thing it is to b,
At foud with aught that'B mortal.
Ho, to-night,
My soul, unfurling hor whito flag of peace
Forestalling that dread hour when we may'mcet,
The dead faco and tho living fain would cry
Across tho years, "Oh, let our warfare coasol
Ufo is so short, and hatrod is not swoot;
Lot there bo peace between us ere we die."
: Caroline A. Manon, in Scribncr.
... . .. i
The Parson's New Coat.
Tho village of Buzzville Laving gone
Rhfely through the canning and pre
Borving Beason ; having with praise
worthy zeal carried off the palm as re
garded the "annual county fair," over
and above tho surrounding towns ; hav
ing shone conspicuously in an elaborate
"harvest festival" for their church and
yet surviving, now cast about for other
worlds to conquer before settling down
for the winter.
"Our minister needs a new coat," said
Miss Mirandy Stebbins, rattling her
knitting-needles in huge delight at first
producing an idea; "ho does, most
tlretfnl bad, an' that's a fact. Ilain't
any of you noticed how shiny it's got?"
She cost a reproachful glance on all of
the circle who, while they waged war
on unbleached cotton and red flannel,
also carried ou admirably the war with
their tongues and then proceeded :
"An I say it's a cryin' shame to see bim
git up in that pulpit another Sunday
with that old coat on. Somethin' must
doc. I'm awful glad I thought of it."
''You hain't thought of it any quiok
er'n anybody else," spoke up little Mrs.
Bisbee, a stout, buxom matron, with
flaming cheeks ; and her block eyes
flashed volumes. "'Tain't alwus talkin'
folks gits the firbt idea. I've ben a-think-in'
of that same thing for some time
low," she added, with a venomous snap
at the p'acid figure behind the rattling
needles. "An' I shall do my best to git
the parson one," she added, the best
rye-bread premim, which Miss Mirandy
had successfully carried off before her
vry - yes at the county fair, urging her
03.
"I shall begin a subscription right
straight off, this very minute," cried
Miss Mirandy, with great determina-
i: jx : , t i. .'
ing her rival completely. "How much
will you give, Mrs. Bassett?" she asked,
going into the center of the group to at
tack the "8q iare's wife."
"An" I shall start one, with my own
name first, before I ask other folks to
give," frxelaitned little Mrs. Bisbee, tri
umphantly, with an unpleasant laugh
at Miss Mirandy, who was known to be
"tight as the bark of a tree." "I'll give
five dollars," she added, in a loud voice,
determined to go without her new win
ter bonnet sooner than that her rival
Bliould carry the day.
"An' I'll join you with another five,"
spoke up the "Square's wife," looking
past Miss Mirandy to the stout little
figure with flaming cheeks. "Now, then,
Mrs. Bisbee, that's a good start, I'm
eure."
There was no show nowTfor the spin
ster's side, since, for various reasons of
hor own, tho "Square's wife" had gone
over to her rival. So she stalked back
to hor rocking-chair grimly, took up her
knitting work, and watched, as best she
might, the subscriptions grow enthusi
astically under other hands than her
wn.
At last, as tho laughter and excite
ment progressed on all sides, she was
utterly unabloto boar it another mo
ment longer, and jumping up, she mum
bled something about "must be home,"
and itouncod out of the room.
"I'm glad she gone," said the
Square's wife," as the door closed
after the retreating form of the spinster;
"I am sick to death of havin' you
always come to mo for subscriptions ;
an' she never gives the first cent her
Belf," .
"She wouldn't see the need of the
parson's coat, if she had to open that
pocketbook of hern," said a tall, square
built matron, who looked as if she had
" plenty of opinions of her own, and
could express them when occasion re
quired. -
"Gracious!" ejaculated little Mrs.
BiBbee, with a short laugh; "who ever
see that pocketbook anyway ? I never
did, an' I don't b'lieve any of you have
'either." .
"A cent's as big as a cart-wheel to
her," said the big square woman, who
didn't love Miss Mirandy to death.
"It all runs in tfie family. They
wouldn't any of 'em open their mouths
to breathe, if they didn't get somethin'
at the same time they giv it out."
" Well, she won't put anythin' in her
mouth this time," observed the
" Square's wife," laughing, and settling
back comfortably. "It's the first sewin'
meetin', I guess, where she's gone home
before tea."
" An" it means somethin' to go home
before tea from Mrs, Deacon Higby's,"
exclaimed little Mrs. Bisbee, enthusi
astically, with an energetio bob of her
bkek curl3 over at the hostess. "So
she's lost her cake an' credit, too."
" I don't know," said Mrs. Deacon
- Iligby, deprecatingly, though she wrig
gled all over with delight at the implied
praise to her suppers. "My doughnuts
ain't so light as usual, an' the loaf cake
ain't riz quite B3 I'd like it. The
deacon came home last night in a chill
an' I run in the midst of everythin to
give .him a camfiro sweat. So I didn't
Lev as good luck as I set out to hev."
Notwithstanding these lamentable
failures, the round, comfortable vifiage
of Mrs. Deacon Higby presented a
series of rippling smiles that threat
ened to eclipse every feature of her ex
pressive face, while she smoothed her
fat hands complocently together.
" Oh, well, you can talk," said little
Mrs. Bisbee, energetically, and begin
ning to count up her list of subscrip
tions to the parson's new coat, "but wo
all know, as well as the next ono, what
your cookin' is. Fifteen, twenty, twenty
one, no, twenty-two Mrs. Spencer
Higginson's makes twenty-two twenty
five, twenty-eight, thirty, thirty-one
thirty-one and a quarter. Oh, dear !
what a pity 'twarn't just thirty-two."
"I'll make it up," said tho "Square's
wife," quickly, enjoying the distinction
Of being the only woman in the room
to whom a dollar or two more or less
didn't make a matter worth a moment's
consideration. Now, then, thirty-two
dollars ought to git a first-rate article.
Where'U we buy it ? that's the ques
tion." Ilereupon ensued a lively discussion,
the deacon's wife favoring employing
the village tailor, and, as he was second
cousin to her husband, family reasons
might have something to do with her
opinion. Some of the ladies falling in
with hor, tho idea would soon have
been carried, but for the warlike, de
termined attitude of the other party,
who decidedly favored tho coat being
made out of town.
"'Twill be lots more stylish," said
Mrs. Bassett, the " Square's wife," with
an undeniable air that took immensely.
" I shan t approve iu the least its being
done here. When we give anything,
let's give a good one. How should we
feel to see the parson up in tho pulpit
with anything but the best on I
The view of the parson from hm high
perch.dispenBing spiritual things, with
anything less than a town-made coat
adorning his person, was a sight that
even in imagination bo filled the circle
with disfavor that the whole roomful in
a body went over immediately to the
cide of the " Square's wife." All but
Mrs. Deacon Higby.. She remained
firm, while the round visage lengthened
ominously, and tho little eves snapped.
"An if you think 'Eiah Williams
would make any but a good coat, you're
much mistaken," she cried, with indig
nation. "I must take back my sub
scription then, for the deacon nevor'd
hear to my given' his second cousin on
his mother's side secb an insult, ef the
parson never saw a coat." And, all her
feathers milled, she sat straight up, and
glared at them oil.
Now it never would do to offend
Deacon Higby in all tho world ; every
body saw that at a glance; so, with many
sidelong looks at each other, each lady
began to cast about how sho might
gracefully wriggle back on to the other
side without arousingthe wrath of the
"Square's wife."
" I s'pose we had orter employ our
own church people," said little Mrs.
Bisbee, thoughtfully, seeing no ono
else was willing to take it up. "An',
besides," sho added, brightly, " p'r'aps,
seem' it's for tho parson, 'Biah Williams
may do it considerable cheaper. So
we'll save a good deal."
" I don't know whether he will or
not," said the deacon's wife, sturdily.
" I ain't in Biah's business, an' I ain't
a-goin' to say what I don't know nothin'
about. But I do say, if the job is taken
away from him, an' he a church mem
ber in good an' regular standin', to give
it out down in tho city, why, the deacon
'11 be so mad he won't git over it in one
spell, I can tell you !"
" Yes, I do think," said little Mrs.
Bisbee, reflectively, and giving a swift,
comprehensive look at the "Sqaure's
wife" at the same time that she ad
ministered, under the big table where
the work was being cut out, an admoni
tory pinch on that lady s toes, " that
probably 'Biah Williams won't charge
near so much. We don't know, you
know, but probably he won t. An
then, besides, 'twould look rather queer
to hev us go outside, you know, to git
some one else to do the work. They'd
think the 'First church in Buzzville'
had quarreled, maybe ;" and she fin
ished up with a laugh.
" So they would, bo they would,
cried every lady present, delighted to
find that some one else had done them
the good service of whirling them over
eafoly. " We wouldn t go out of iiuzz
ville for anythin ; an' 'Biah Williams
is jeEt tho one to do it," they added, de
termined to do nothing by halves.
So oil having been poured upon the
troubled waters of Mrs. Deacon Higby's
spirit, she considered her husband's
family honor to be thoroughly vindi
cated, aud resuming her former jolly
expression, she set aoout preparing to
pass around! the fragrant tea and tho
abundance of good cheer that aocom
panied it : and a committee of three
Mrs. Squire Bassett, Mrs. Bisbee, and
in compliment to ner relationship to
. . . 1. l . A . J.
the aforesaid 'Biah Williams, Mrs.
Deacon Higby was unanimously ap
pointed to confer with the tailor and
order the coat.
Feeling quite sure at this point that
duty had been done and full reparation
for any fancied insult to the deacon's
family pride had been made, they one
and all, in a highly exalted frame of
mind, energetically set to work on the
supper,
" I never see such eaters," said a muf
fled voice. The remark was addressed,
in the depths of a big closet full of all
sorts of family lumber and cast-off arti
cles, to another person who, like the
owner of the voice, was crammed in a
most uncomfortable position up against
the door that led into the " keepin'
room " where the sewing society was
convened. "Whacketyl if we Bhould
eat bo much, I guess ma 'd whip us.
Just look at Miss Bassett stuff 1"
Thereupon the other figure bounced
up with great difficulty to get a good
view from the keyhole. When ho had
gotten his eye fixed, he drew a long
breath. "Whew! don't she, though!
An' see Mies Henderson ! Her nose is
a yard long. Look at her bite into that
biscuit I'
" Let me see let me see," exclaimed
the boy on tho floor, crowding up to
push the other away from the keyhole.
" That's my place. Get away, Tom, I
say. I want to see."
"Tain't your place any more'n','tis
mine," retorted the other, in an awful
uhisper that but for the rattle of cups
and saucers going on on tho other side
of the door must needs have been
hoard. " The closet b'longs to .both of
us ; so of course the key-hole does."
"Well. I want to see occe," said the
fist boy, waiving tho point of exclu
sive rights ; " so git away, or I'll hol
ler ;" and he gave a smart push to the
figure enjoying a view of the society
that caused it to take . its eye quickly
away from tho key-hole, while he re
sented his wrongs.
"If you do, you won't git nothiu'
only a whackin', an' I'll cut an' run," he
declared, savagely, dumping down into
tho vacated place on the floor. " So do
look it you want ter; then you've got
to give the place back."
" She's beginnin' on another," cried
the victor, as loudly as he dared. " Oh!
my jum-zies ! I say, Tom "
".What?" said Tom, gloomily, on the
floor.
"There won't be -a scrap left for us
if they keep on eatin' like that. The
riz cake's agoin' just awful ! Let's go
out in the back yard and holler fire,'
an' start 'em home."
"Oh no, we mustn't," cried Tom, in
alarm ; " that will spoil the whole.
' They can't eat much more," he added,
decidedly. "An' then, after we've had
our supper, we'll 6tart an' tell all wo
know. Hain't we heard lots?" he asked,
enthusiastically.
"Lots I" declared his brother; "I guess
we have. Just twice as much as we did
at last s'ciety; then 'twas all about
Jinnv Ann Rogers; that wasn't no fun
at all."
"Let's go to Cousin 'Biah's first," said
Tom, eagerly, "an mad him all up; an'
then we'll cut 'cross lot3 to Miss
Mirandy's. Let's, Joe."
"All right," said Joe. "I don't care
which one we go to first. Oh, dear ! I
wish they was through."
But before he could plaster his palo
blue cyo up to the key-hole again, the
enterprising Thomas already had pos
session of that outlook ; so he was forced
to content himself with conuiring up
new dark plans on the floor.
' At last they had the supreme pleasure
of seeing and hearing the biscuits, cake
and tea passed out into tho kito hen
when, losing no time, they speedily took
themselves out to the dharms of a sup
per with no one by to restrain.
When they had finally eaten till not
another crumb was possible, they each
grasped his cap, and flew as fast as wai
possible on their pleasant errand.
"1 wouldn't 'a believed it." Mr.
'Biah Williams brought his hand down
hard on his kneo, then stared at his
wifo.
"I would," she said, spitefully.
"They're a mean, hateful set. It's jest
what I've alwus told you, 'Biah, only
you would have your own way. Now I
guess you'll go over to the Methodists."
" 1 11 go to the Methodists next Bun
day, Sarah, if you want ter," Eaid Mr,
wmiams, aeciueaiy. "in ine a
church whero the folks ain't too big for
their clothes."
" Ain t too Dig lor your ciotnes, you
mean," said his wife, with a bitter
laugh. " To think that stuck-up Miss
Bassett, whose father used to peddle
dared turn up her nose at your tailorin' !"
"An that Miss Bisbee, who don't
know what a good coat is when she sees
one," cried the tailor, in the greatest
exasperation, "a-settin herself up to
tell me how- much I was to charge ! I
guess I'll learn her how to mind her
own business." And 'Biah got up, and
sticking his big hands in his pockets,
began to stalk up and down ;the room
in high dudgeon.
"'Biah!" Mrs. Williams stopped
combing out her scanty locks, and let
ting them string down each side of her
thin face, she eagerly faced her hus
band. " I'll tell you what to do."
"What?" asked her husband, stop
ping in surprise.
" You charge 'em just twice as much
as you would 'a done," said his wife,
peering through the two wisps of light
hair that hung dismally on either side
of her enraged countenance, "'an git
your pay out of 'em all; an' then you
give it back to the parson yourself, when
the coat s done.
" Good for yon," cried her husband.
" Hain't you got a head, though!"
And then he was bo delighted at her
cntenoss that he lifted the two wisps
like pump handles and kissed her.
Meantime, Miss Mirandy Stebbins,
feeling herself overreached in her effort
to be the prominent originator of the
gift to the parson, and defrauded as to
the supper she had counted bo much
upon, wb doing up her corkscrew curis
in anything but a sweet frame of mind,
preparatory to the sleep that wouldn't
come at her bidding.
" It's cntrugeous I" she hissed to her-
self, her false teeth being out and care
fully placed on the bureau. " I never
was so insulted in my life. That little
fat chunk of a Miss Bisbee, too, to do
it ! An' Miss Higby to set by an' see
'em, an' never say a word I I'll be up
to em, I will."
Thereupon she blew out the candle,
and flounced her thin frame down into
the middle of her feather-bed, trying to
think of something bad enough to sat
isfy her thirst foi revenge. Suddenly
she sprang into a sitting posture.
" I'll git straight up now an' write it
down, before I forgit it," she cried, in
great excitement, " for I never '11 git
it into my head so good again."
And clambering out of bed, she groped
around in the dark to light her candle,
when she proceeded to slip her feet into
some flannel slippers, and herself into
a monstrous bed-gown of wondorful
pattern.
" There, now, what was it? Let me
see," she eaid, scratching her head with
the end of a rusty penholder that she
had with great difficulty found, after
much rummaging in the bureau drawer.
"Oh, yes, that was it. Yes, now,
then."
The old pen scraped its way over the
small mangy piece of paper that Miss
Mirandy considered suitable for the oc
casion, imtil these words appeared:
" Reverend Misteb B lodge-it, Deab
Sin." (On second thoughts, consider
ing the "Dear Sir" too familiar, sho
had, with extreme pains, marked it
over, while a blush flew over her spare
countenance, aud lighted up the dismal
bedgown1.)
" Reverend Mister Blodgett, There
bein' an efort started afoot to give you
a coat, I wish to state out of profound
respeck to yourself and Mis. Blodgett
an" here Miss Mirandy, finding still
quite a stock of respect left within her
bosom, concluded to bestow it liberally,
so she added, with extra flourishes
"an your whole inclusive family, that I
had the honor to propose the coat, an
should a had the extreme pleasure of
presentin it in a way suitable to the
ocashun, if that insidious creature Mis.
Seth Bisbee hadn't insulted me at the
sewin Bociety this evenin at Mis. Dea
con Higby's. She started all those la
dies to talk awful about me, behind
my back, when I wasn't there; but Tom
and Joo Higby are noble lads, an they've
jest ben an tola me all about it. bo
pardon my assumption in writin', an be
lieve I would a give fer tho coat if I'd
ben let to, an present my respecks to
Mis. Blodgett and ycur eldest daughter
an Sarah Ann, an all the rest.
"Yours to command,
" Mm and a Stebbins."
Miss Mirandy couldn't help reading
this over three ot four times, she was
sd delighted with it. Then she blew
out the light, and clambered into her
feathers again.
"On second thoughts," she said, as
sho drew up the thick comfortable
around her sparo chin, "I won't send it
now. I can afford to wait, an' when the
coat's done, I'll jest git 'Biah Williams
to stick it in one of the pockets. That '11
bo 'most as good as helpin'give it;" and
hugely tickled at tho turn of affairs, sho
composed her mind and fell asleep.
On tho first Sunday in December-
biight, beautiful day the "First church
in Buzzville" wss crowded to it3 utmost
capacity. The presentation had taken
place the evening before, and consisted
in the coat being sent over at the bands
of tho tailor s boy, with a note contain
ins the names of the fair donors.
All eyes and ears were therefore agog
to see the parson in. his new habili
ments, and to hear how ho returned
thanks. As he went up the broad aisle
every neck was craned to catch a sight
of the new coat, and many nudges and
smiles were given to express the general
satisfaction that was bubbling over in
the audience.
After the first praver; with a few pre
liminary "hems," the parson stood up
and began to unburden his mind of the
deep debt of gratitude that seemed to
weigh him down.
" Hem I It gives me great pleasure,"
he mumbled ; then sought relief in his
handkerchief, which being in the depths
of his left-baud pocket, required a
" strong pull and a long pull " to get it
out. "Hem!"
Whiz rustle went some small white
object out beneath the parson's hand up
into the air ; then it Bottled slowly, and
made its way down, down toward the
floor, when it fluttered a moment, to
land in the second pew from the front,
directly in Deacon Higby's lap. The
two boys leaned past their mother to
see the sight, and almost laughed aloud,
They didn't laugh again for many a day I
The deacon heard the concluding
words of Parson Blodgett's acknowledg
ment, who, now that he had his hand
kerchief, was all right; then he slowly
unfolded the paper in his hand and
examined its contents.
Which done, he turned and took a
long, deliberate look at his two sons,
who were placidly observing the erratio
movements of a belated fly on the ceil
ing.
Miss Mirandy Stebbin's letter, though
not in the way sue had intended, hnally
reached the minister's hand, and she
hod full revenge : so also was the soul
of 'Biah Williams fully satisfied.
But those "two noble lads," the
deacon's eons, had the jolliest whipping
ever known, and it wasn't eafe to Buy
" sewing sooiety " to them for one good
spell. Harper s Bazar.
Vfe can, without limitation, say that Dr. Hull's
Cough Kymp has given tha bent satiaiactiun.
Wo have feohl au immense amount o( it during
the past whiter. WAL1ACK, lULl'U.N 4 VU-,
JJrugiatb, Lock Unveil, !',
White Elephants.
A sure way to gain the favor of either
the king of Burma or tho king of Siam
is to present him with a white elephant.
Hence, whenever there are reports of
such an animal having been discovered
anywhere, there are always prospecting
parties who eet out from both Burma
and Siam to determine whether it is
really what it is represented to be. It
is therefore somewhat surprising to find
that the agents of a menagerie have
managed to step in before the vigilant
Oriental elephant-seekers and carry off
what is asserted to be the first white
elephant ever landed in Europe. Scien
tific observers will no doubt inspect tho
new arrival and determine his right to
the description given to him. Pending
their verdict, it may be worth while
perhaps, to consider the JBurmese test
points of an albino elephant.
White crows, rats, mice and hares,
are common and easily distinguished;
but it is different with a white elephant.
He is not to be considered as snow
white; very far from it. All the white
elephants now existing in Siam and
Burma are of a light mouse-color, some
what of the same tint as the pale freckles
to be found on the trunk of ordinary
elephants. This light gray is uniform
all over, the spots on the trunk being
white. The depth of the color, how
ever, varies greatly, and there are often
blemishes in the shape of darker patches
which would seem to ruin an otherwise
eligible candidate's claim. It has been,
therefore, found necessary to determine
Borne infallible test points, which will
demonstrate the right of the ani
mal to his title. The Burmese skilled
men fix upon two of these tests as su
perior to all others. One is that the
elephant shall have five toes instead of
four.
This is a good way of making cer
tain; but occasionally there are indubi
tably black elephants which have the
sacred number of toes. These are
white elephants debased by sin, labor
ing under the evil Kharma of previous
existence, and therefore ineligible for
the honors accorded to the real animal.
Tho other test is considered perfectly
decisive, no matter what tho precise
tint of the skin may be. It is this: If
you pour water upon a "white" elephant
he turns red, while a black elephant
only becomes blacker than ever. This
is the final test always resorted to in
Mandalay. It may be hoped that tho
animal recently landed will pass these
two tests triumphantly. If he does
Theebau will tremble for his throne,
and will take no more pleasure in the
monopolies he has been instituting so
lavishly of late. St. James Uazette.
Fishing tor Alligators.
Fishing for alligators in the soft mud
of an uncovered lake bottom is a form
of tho angler's sport which probably
Isaak Walton in his most halcyon mo
ments never dreamod of ; but it is pre
cisely this which has been going on near
Natchitoches, La. Sibley lake, just
west of that city, has become almost en
tirely dry during the summer s drought,
and the alligators which infest it have
sought solace and refreshment by bury
ing themselves deep in tho moisture of
the lake bed. iheir whereabouts are
easily discovered by the huge burrows,
the entrances of which have been worn
smooth by the passage of their ugly
denizens. A party of men from Natchi
toches recently visited the spot for the
purpose of extracting a few of these
alligators from their soft places.
Their method of procedure was to
thrust a long iron rod with a hook at
one ond into one of theso caverns and
stir up the occupant, who would natu
rally close his ponderous jaws upon the
intruder. With that accomplished
nothing remained but to draw tho rep
tile to the surface and dispatch it with
a hatchet. In this manner six alliga
tors, one of which was nine feet long,
were killed in a short time.
WUchcrult iu Germany
Accusations of witchcraft and mal
treatment of supposed witches by the
illiterate country people are still things
of frequent occurrence in Germany. A
recent number of the Danziyer Zeiiung
tells of an incident of this kind in the
village of Stangenwalde, where an old
lone woman was accused of having bo
witched an invalid widow, because, as
the latter was driving past the other's
Lhut, her horse suddenly came to a stop.
This was assumed to be owing to the
old woman's occult influence, and to
prove that the widow's illness had been
caused by her. . The old creature, fright
ened out of her senses, was dragged to
the widow's bedside and subjected to
various torments to coerce her into ex
pelling tha devil from her victim. This
mode of procedure failing, she was com
pelled to inflict cuts in three of her
fingers and permit the widow to suck
her blood, after which the invalid im
mediately began to feel better. It was
then proposed to hang the witch, and a
rope was fastened around her neck,
while the crowd beat her about the
head and face with slippers and shoe
maker's lasts. She was finally rescued
but in a dangerously injured condition.
A Police Captain's Kufte.
A Chicago police captain arrested a
wife murderer, but could not find the
remains of the woman, and the case
seemed.likely to fall through. Knowing
that the prisoner would be speedily
discharged unless some proof was forth
coming, the captain entered the cell
with a paper in his hand, and said :
"Your wife isn't dead, after all. She
was found alive where vou left her.
Sho wants to see you." The murderer
was completely deceived. On the way
to the hospital, as he supposed, he was
induced to tell where he had Bhot his
wife, and there the body was found.
IIUM0II OP THE DAY.
How to avoid drowning stay al
home.
Advice to a married man : Put a safety
valve upon your self-esteem if you do
not want to get "blown up."
'T won Id not. strike von for 10." said
J., playfully, to his friend E. "Well,
you would not get it if you did," replied
E. Philadelphia Sun.
"Oh, why should the spirit of mortal 1a proud,"
' Or take hi its streneth such a boastful delight,
A single bald hornet can scatter a crowd,
And a wasp .that moans business can pu
to flight.
"You want a flogflring, that's what
you want," said a parent to an unruly
son. "1 know it, dad, out x n try to gei
along without it," said the independent
brat.
Lesson for young housekeepers
"How can you tell a young fowl from
an old one?" "By the teeth?" "But
fowls have no teeth 1" "I know they
haven't, but I have I"
A newly married couple riding iu .
carriage, were overturned, hereujna
standerby said it was "A BhocklrTg
o;V,f ' 't'Vaa " caH tho crntlATYian. "to
see those just wedded fall out bo Boon.'
A clercym an remarked the other day:
"Alas! how times change! In the Old
Testament days it was considered a mir
acle for an ass to speak, ana now u
seems as though nothing short pf a mir
acle would keep one quiet.
The cable has informed us that the
czar and the Emperor William kissed
each other when they met at Dantzig;
but it forgot to add that after the oscti .
lation the czar gave a significant sniff
and remarked iu an "aside": "Greet
Csesar, Bill! you've been eating Lim-'
burger!"
A young lady became so much is
satisfied with a gentleman to whom fha
was engaged to be married that she dis
missed him. In revenge he threatened
to publish her letters to him. "Veiy
well," replied the lady. "I have no rea
son to be ashamed of any part of my
letters, except the address."
A Miner's Experience.
He was on his way home from Load
ville. He had on a ragged old summer
suit, a bad hat, and he had been taking
his meals thirty hours' apart to make
his money carry him through.
"Yes; I like the country out that
way," ho replied to the query. "The
climate is good, the scenery is fine, and
some of the people are hone?t as needs
be. Tho tronble is knowing how to take
the bad ones."
" I should think that would be easy."
"Yes, it looks that way; but I bad
some experience. I am the original
diskiverer of the richest mine around
Laadville. Yes, I am the very maD,
though you couldn't think it to look at
these clothes."
" Then you don't own it now ?"
" Not a bit of it."
" How is that."
"Well, I was looking around the
hills and found signs. I collected some
specimens for assay, staked off a claim
and went off to the assavers. It was two
days before he let me know that I hail
struck the richest ore that he had ever
assayed and then hurried back to my
claim. Hang my buttons if it hadn t
been jumped."
"How?"
" Why, a gang of sharpers had found
tho spot and built up a pole shanty and
hung out the sign of the First Baptist
church over the door. True as shoot
ing they had, and the law out there U
that no man can sink a shaft within 200
feet of a church building. They saw
mo coming, end when I got there they
were holding a revival. There was six
of them, and they got up one after the
other and told how wicked they had
been and how sorry they were, and
would you believe it?--they had the cheek
to ask me to load off in Binging. I went
to law, but they beat me. Three days
after came the verdict, the First Bap
tist church had burned down, and be
fore the ashes were cold the congrega
tion were developing a mine worth
$3,000,000. You see I didn't know
how to tako them. '
" Was there any particular way to
take thorn?"
"Yon bet there was. I ought tc
have opened on tho revival with a Win
Chester rifle and given tho coroner $50
for a verdict that thoy came to their
death from too much religion." Salt
Ltjke Tribune.
In tun Parthenon.
Colonel John M. Francis tells the fol
lowing incident of the historian Bun
croft's visit to Athens in 1872, while tho
former was minister to Greece and the
latter minister to Berlin. Mr. Francis
went with him to the Acropolis by
moonlight. " Standing in the Parthe
non, on the spot where the statue of
Minerva in ivory and gold once had its
location, but where only the i latform
now remains, Mr. Bancroft, with un
covered head and eyes slightly raised,
repeated with spontaneous inspi
ration a saagniticent passage
from Homer. The scene was . im
pressive ; the Moonlight flooding those
ancient ruins tad gilding the figure of
that snowy-headed pilgrim from our
occidental shores, august with official
honors, past and present, of a fcrjat re
public, but more ungust as a citizen of
high rank in the imperishable republio
of letters. Whole centuries of higa
achievements and aspiration and pro
gress, the stately march of thought and
culture and genius through the a; -and
afar over tho broad seaa seen
epitomized in that one exalted mo u