Itatcs of Advertising. One Square (1 Inch,) one Insertion - 1 I One Square " ono month - - 3 fifl One Square " three months - 00 OnoHqtiaro " one year - 10 Qti Two Nquaros, one year - - 15 0() Quarter Col. ' - - - - K0 00 Half " " ... - 60 00 IB PUBUflflED EVKKY WEDNESDAY, 3T ar. i3. "Wiara-is OmCB IS R0BIN30N & EONITCIR'S EUrXDIKft ELM STREET, TIOIiESTA, PA. TEHUS, yEAn. No Subscriptions received for a hrW period than tliroo months. OorroHpnndonrp solicited tn.in nil parts of the country. No notieo will l0 taken of monyiuous cmniminltntioiis. One - 100 00 Lgal notion at established rat. Marriage and death notices, gratia. All bills for yearly advertisement col. looted quarterly. Temporary advertise" ments must be paid for in advancey Jod work. Cah on Delivery. VOL. XIV. ; NO. 3J. TIONESTA, PA., OCT. 25, 1881. $1,50 Per Annum. Memory. A ror.M wniTTK.x by james a. oAiiFir.t.D. Tho littlo poem givon below wan written, it is stated, by James A, fjarnold before his first torm iu Congress -hence somo twonty years KO. Tig beauteous down night ; the stars look brightly Dpon the earth, decked in her robe of snow. No IiRlit gleams at the window, savo my own, Which gives its ehoor to midnight and to nin. And now, with noiseless btep, sweet memory comes Ana leads mo gently through hor twilight realms. What poot's tuneful lyre has ever sung, Or delicate pon o'er portrayed, Tho enchniitcd, shadowy land where memory dwells ? It lias ils valleys, cheerless, lone and drear, Dark-shaded hy tho monnifiil cypreB tree ; Ai.d yet its sunlit mountnin tops aro bathed Iu heaven' own Mno. Upon its craggy cliffs, R'bed in tho dreamy light of distant years, Are clustered Joys serene of othor days. Upon its gentle, sloping hillsides bend Tho weeping willows o'er the sacred dust Of dear departed ones ; and yet in that land, Where'er our footsteps fall upon the shore, They that were Bleeping rise from out the dust Of death's long silent 'years, and round us stand, As erst they lid beroro the prison tomb Beceived their clayvithin its voiceless halls, The heavens that bend above that land are hung W ltb clouds of various hues. Some dark and chill Surcharged with sorrow, cast with sombor Bhade Upon tho sunny, Joyous land below. Others are floating through tho dreamy air, unite as tuo tailing snow, tneir margins tingod With gold and crimsoned hues ; their shadows full Upon the llowery meads and sunny slopes, K'i,t as tho shadow of an angel's wing. When tho rough battle of tho day is dono, Aud evening's peaco falls gently on the heart, I lH'imd away, across the ii"isy years, Unto the utmost verge of memory's land, Win re earth and sky in dreamy distance meet And memory dim with dark oblivion Joins, '''here woke the flint remembered sounds that fell Upon tho ear in childhood's early morn ; And, wandering thence along the rolling years I see the shadow of my former self Gliding from childhood up to man's estate, Tho path of youth winds down through many a vale, And on tho brink of many a dread abyss, From out whose darkness cornea no ray ot Save that a phantom dances o'er the gulf Aud beckons toward tho verge. Again the path Leads o'er the summit where the sunbeams full ; And thus in light and shade, sunshine and gloom, Sorrow aud joy, tho lifo-path leads along. KEEPING COMPANY. " Neil ! Ned ! The call rang out from the house door, floating over the garden, till it came faint and weary to the born door, utterly unable to pene trate the barred portal. "Ntdl Ned!" Nearer and nearer came the cheery voice, and a pair of light feet curried it down the path, to ring out again clear end strong, as a little doubled fist pounded an accom paniment on tho wooden barrier. A frank face, and head covered with crisp curls, now decorated by long straws stuck in with a promiscuous carelessness suggestive of Lear's crown, was popped out of the window of the hay-loft. " What is it, Katie? I'm giving tho beasts their breakfast." 41 Come down ! You must come down ! I've got the best of news for you." "What is it? Wait! I'll be down! Why, Katie, what are you all dressed up for?" "You'll never guess. Susy Willis has come home, She sent me over word this morning to be ready for church early, so we could have a long walk before we went into meeting. She's coming over for mo." "Susy honjel" That was all Ned said, but there was no doubting the ao ceut of content in his voice. " Her father has written that he is coming back to Allentown next month, and Susy's mother sent for her to leave school, and be here to meet him. Oh, Ned, ain't you glad ? She's been away mora'n two years." Glad ! If there was any faith to be placed in beaming eyes, smiling lips and trembling nngeis, Ned was, to say the least, not sorry; but he said noth ing, only hurried the preparations for leaving the barn, his lace the while speaking his pleasure, while, Katie, her tongue doing the work of two, ran on with her gleeful chatter. " I wonder if she's altered, prettier or smarter. I wonder if she'll let you beau her now, Ned. Perhaps she'll want to keep company with, some smarter fel low, now she's had so much schooling. Ilurry, Nod, bo you ean go with usl" And flying up tho path ugain, Katie en tered tho neat faimhouse, and went to her room to a J J somo trille to her dress. Looking wistfully up tho path for her expected companion she tried to bo patient, but the ringers would fidget, the f"ct beat tatoop, the eyes tinhh with eagerness, while her father's comments, as he leaned over tho gate, smoking hid Sunday pipe, did not diminish the fever. " Ay, Katie, don't drum a hole iu the v. tndow 1 Arts you dancing a ji, Katie? " "-. .e down hcit.' aud talk to jack 1" and the magpie's hoarse voice, calling " Katie," echoed the invitation. Sud denly both comment and restlessness (Teased, while tho two faces, beaming with loving mischief, watched tho path. Coming from the barn, round to tho front of the house, yet in his blouse and round hat, was Ned, the idol of both tho warm hearts watching him. His pretty bunch of flowers told one cause of his delay, and his lingering step was explained by the second figure now ad vancing from the path Katie had watched so eagerly. Slowly the two came toward the house Ned trying to summon up courage to address the pretty, neatly-dressed maiden, who had grown from a little girl to a young lady in her two years' ab sence ; while she, her loyal heart flutter ing at the sight of her old sweetheart, tried to look unconscious of his pres ence. Nearer and nearer to the farm door, the distance between them narrowing every moment, they sauntered on, till at lust they stood opposite the old farmer, neither daring to speak the iirst word. The pretty flowers were in danger of being eaten up, as Ned bit nervously at the stems of the pinks and roses, while Susy's pocket handkerchief was rapidly becoming transformed into a rabbit iu her gloved fingers. How long they would have remained thus can only bo guessed; but a clear, ringing laugh from Kate, seconded by her father's hearty bass, broke the spell, and Ned said: " I'm glad you're homo again, Susy !" and managed to present his flowers and hold open the gate before her blushes faded away. It did not need much urging to turn the long walk into a talk in Katie's room, while the farmer and Ned assumed their "go-to-meeting" garb, and by tome slight of haitd Katie found herself transferred to her father, whil5 Master .Ned escorted the fair Susy to church, and not a week passed before all Allentown knew that Nod Clarke and Susy Willis were still "keeping company." Ned and Katie Clarke wore the only children of oid Farmer Joshua Clarke, whose wife had long before died and left him to be both father and mother to her handsome boy and girL. They were still little ones when they became motherless, but Aunt Kate, Katie's godmother, had filled her sister's place at the farmhouse until Katie was six teen, when, thinking her niece trained for a perfect housekeeper, dear Aunt Kate consented to go brighten another home, whose master had waited fur her since her sister's death. So the three iu the old homestead wero loft to link their love still closer in the absence of the wonted housekeeper, and Katie's pride was to let no comfort be missed, no deficiency tell of their loss. In easy circumstances, devotedly fond of his children, finding love all around him, Farmer Clarko was tho most cheery, bright old farmer in Al lentown. Universally respect jd and beloved, his old age brightened by his children's happiness, he was ready to enter heartily into any youthful scheme, to give his full sympathy to all the young boys and girls who came to him for advice, and above, all to watch, with almost boyish gleo, all the village courting. Katie, being a tun vorsal belle, had as yet selected nospe cial favorite to torment, so the old man had full leisure to watch Ned, visiting his room for sly remarks, dropping words that brought up the frank blush so becoming to a manly face, or even, at times, letting his sympathy bring the roses to Susy's cheek. Never did the course of true love promise to run smoother. Snsy's fathor was a traveling peddler, whse journeys often led him hundreds of miles from Allentown, now east, now west, north, or south, as his fancy or pack sug gested. His earnings were, good, and Mrs. Willis rented a pretty cottage and lived iu comfortable style, while Susy could boast of two years' " schooling " a'; tho academy of 13 , miles away from her native village. It is true that Jim Willis, the peddler, was counted a hard man, one keen at a barg ain, and close-nsted in business; but no one doubted his love for his wife and Susy, their only child. There had been al ways kindly feeling between the family and the Clarkes from the time when Ned drew Susy and Kate to school on one sled, or tossed apples from the boys' bench to the golden-haired lassie on the girls' side. Mrs. Willis knew Ned's worth; his sturdy uprightness, his frank, generous heart, his bright in telligence and faithful love; aud she wished no moro brilliant future for her darling than the life of Ned Clarke's wife promised to be. So the loner sum mer walks, the confidential talks, the thousand devices to win favor that the youthful swain proffered his love, were all smiled upon by tho inhabitants of farm ana cottage, wbile bus-v s rentle. loyal heart never dreamed of coquetry, but let Master Ned read in every look and blush the tale of his success in woo ing. 1 he summer months sped merrily. and it was well understood in Allen town that when Jim Willis returned there would be a wedding, while not a "boy" in the villuge would have dreamed of daring to court a smile or word from Susy. lue long eveniDg shadows of August were falling from the houses and trees, when Katie sat dreaming in her little room. Tea was over. Her father had gone to town tho day before with pro visions, and would not return until far into the 'night. Ned had gone to see Susie, bo there wa no one to interrupt tho musing, fc-ho was thinking win tL.t r, when Susy came to the farmhouse, she might not think of quitting it, and the various pros and cons of Bob, Harry and Will flitted through her coquettish lit tle heart as she deliberated on their several cases, her heart free to choose from all of them. Suddenly looking tip she saw Ned coming slowly down the path from the cottage. He reeled from side to side, as if intoxicated, while his faltering step, his bowed head and drooping figure terrified hiB sister greatly. He must bo ill ! Very ill indeed he looked as he passed the gate she had hastened to open for him. He made no answer to her piteous inquiries as he passed her to enter the kitchen, where he sank down upon the floor, resting his head on his clasped hands, and sobbed the hard dry gasps of a strong man in agony. "Oh, Ned! dear Ned! what is it? You frighten me so ! Ned, Ned, dear ! Is SuRy sick?" He looked up at the name, his face ashy pale, his eyes burning and dry. " Don't speak of Susy, Katie ! Don't; it kills me I" "But, Nod " " I'll try to tell you, Katie. Wo never have had any secrets." She had seated herself on a low stool, and drawn his head to rest upon her breast, and her gentle touch, her face of tender love seemed to soothe him, for his harsh, choked voice softened as he spoke to hor. "Jim Willis has ccme home, Katie. He's made aheap of money speculating, aud bought a house in Cincinnati, and is going to take Susy and her mother there to live ; and he says I can't have Susy she's going to be rich, and a city girl and I'm only a poor country clod hoppcr." "Nedl" " He said so. She's to go to Cin cinnati and make a great match, and I can never see her again." " But Susy what does Susy herself say?" " He wouldn't let me see her, except when he lilted her into the coach to go away all white and dead like where she fainted." "Oo away?" " They're gone. He came home thi3 morning, in a coach he hired in town, and he made them pack up and get ready to go right off wouldn't let either of them come here tried to gtt away before I came, and drove mo away as if I had been a loafer. Oh, Katie, how can I live ?". The loyal heart was nearly breaking. Every word came in a gasp, and the pallid lace and quivering lips were faithful witnesses of the terrible agony of this unexpected blow. From a boy to a man ho had cherished an dream of future happiness, and it was a pain that no language can adequately de scribe to see it Jhre ruthlessly dashed iium una. Katie was powerless to console him The shock was to her only second to his own, for Susy had been to her in the place of a sister from their child hood, and she loved her brother with a passionate devotion that made every tone of his voice, every quiver of his pale lips a blow on her tender heart. Far ns Cincinnati really was from the quiet .New England village, its actual distance was nothing compared to the vast space their simple imagining threw between. Susy was to be carried away, far froiOher home, far from. them, and if the destination had been Egypt or ConstantifSiple the shock would have gaineiyno force. Ned's heart dwelt on thebaic, senseless face, as he had seen it carried by him, till his poor brain fairly numbed under the burden of its grief, and he lay silent, only sometimes moaning as the sorrow be came more poignant in a new light. Night fell, the long hours drew out their slow length, and still tho two re mained mute and motionless, trying to realize and bear this strange misfortune. Daybreak stealing in, and the sound of the farmer's heavy wagon in the yard, roused them at last, and poor Ned, un able to meet tho cheery voice and face of his father, sPole away to his room, leaving Katie to tell the news. It is impossible to describe tho farmer's wrath. Hot words of burning indignatiou poured from his lips, and, for the first time, Katie heard an oath from her father's lips, as he cursed Jim Wil lis for his miserly, cruel heart. Then came gentler thpughts. Susy, his little pet, second only to bed and Katie in his heart, lost, carried away from them torn from her home and lover and here the thought of Ned's grief conquered every other, aud the old man strode uo the narrow staircase to his son's door. It needed just such fatherly tenderness as he brought to win Ned from hiscaro less agony to the' relief of tears and spoech, and far into the morning the two sat talkiug of this hard turn in for tune. The morning duties called them down, and if Katie's heart ached over her brother's untouched breakfast, it was comforted by seeing how deep was his father's sympathy. Days passed and weeks and Ned tried to bear his sorrow like a man. There was no want of sympathy at homo, where the loving eyes watched his pale cheeks with a tender interest that was almost painful, and the brave heart that would have given Susy its full wealth of love was generous to tho home circle, und for its sake tried to live down tho pain of disappointment. I know that to be a proper hero Nod should have moped and drooped, snubbed Katie, been savage to till human nature, and finally have left homo to work out his spleen iu some new life. But Neil's had a. ( I.-mcut in his pure Christian faith, which taught him to do as he would bo done by, to honor his father, to bear his cross patiently ; and so, if his merry whistle had ceased, his voice gradually resumed its clear cheerfulness, and his manner grew doubly tender toward Katie, as he marked her sympathizing love. Not a word dropped from any of them that could give one shadow of reproach tb Susy, and some vague ideas of a rescue occasionally suggested themselves to Nod, where his love might- win her from her father's tyranny or melt his ob stinate resolve. The idea that Susy could ever be his wife without that con sent never occurred to him. The winter had set in before ono word of the fugitives reached Allentown, then Katie had a treasure to show, a letter from Susy. "Dear, dear Katie" (so it read), "I may be doing very wrong to write to you, after all that father has said ; but mother has given me permission to write once, so I am now tryiDg to tell you that my love for yon for Ned" (here a great blot told of a tear) " and your dear father, is just the same, though we Bhall never see each other again. I have been very sick ; so sick on tho road here that we had to 6taynearly two weeks at a town where father had some business, and that is why I did not write before. Oh, Katie! I must mind father, who says I must never think of Ned again ; but it is terrible hard not to. Nights I lay awake and think of all the nice days in Allentown where we werb keeping company, and my heart seems breaking when I think we may never meet again on earth. Oh, Katie ! comfort Ned. Tell him that I will never, never let any other boy court me tell him I never can forget him, though I must try ; tell him I did love him with all my heart ; and don't let him quite forget me, even if he marries some other girl. Won't write to me mother says not ; but think of me sometimes, and give my love to Ned and vour father. Susy." That was all; but Ned felt when Katie told him he might keep the letter, that mines of wealth could not purchase it from him. Five years passed, and no word came from Cincinnati. Katie was a wife now. aud mother to a bouncing boy crawling about tho floor, but Ned was true as steel to his old love. No word of court ing had ever passed his lips since Susy left him, and if his tall figure had de veloped to manliness, hi3 voice grown rougher, his frank face older, the boyish love still nestled down in the depths of his heart, and he resolved to live" ever a bachelor for Susy s sake. ' Katie's new cares had somewhat clouded her pain at Susy's departure, and the name that had once been so sweet a household word was now rarely heard in the farmhouse. There was something very touching in the manly courage which Ned brought to bear upon the sorrow of his life. Never, save on tho one night when the suddenness of tho blow pros trated him, had he given way to the passionate grief in his heart, and his calm pursuit of the weary routiuo of life evinced more moral courage than is often given to great deeds that make the world ring. It was Sunday morning, and every body at the farmhouse had gone to church except Ned and tho baby. The junior member of the household was fast asleep on a rug before the fireplace, and Ned was reading, when a shadow fell upon the floor, and a voice, low and sweet, spoke his name. He scarcely dared breathe as he looked up. So pale and thin as to be almost spirit-like, dressed in the heavi est mourning, the large, earnest eyes hollow, the lips white and trembling, surely that could not be Susy ? Ho had pictured her living in wealth forget ting him, perhaps but never, never this pale, grief-stricken woman. " Ned, don't you know me?" Still doubting, he rose and eame to meet her, till, with a glad cry, he opened his arms and folded her closely, as if never agaiu to let her go. " Susy I my Susy f Oh, how can I ever be thankful enough ? Oh, Susy !" and the hot tears fell on the sweet face, us he marked its white, wasted lines. "Father took to drink after he got rich, Ned, and it is three years since mother died. We wero very wretched, Ned; Cor city folks did not care for us, and we were not used to their ways; after mother died, father was scarcely ever sooer, and i naoiard time taking care of him, till aboutX T months ago he was taken sick. e dti pent nearly all the money long before; but I did sewing, and sometimes father earned something, until he was sick. Thon we were very poor; bnt just before he died somebody sent him some money they owed him. He gave it to me, and told me to come here with it, and ask you to torgive mm tor parting us; so utter he died, I came to see if vou still cared for me, Nod?" " Care for you ! Oh, Susy, I will care for you all my life if you will stay, Susy!" But the white lips gave no answer, the head fell back nerveless, and as he had seen her oa that heavy day of part ing, he held her now. The weary, over tasked frame had given way under its load of sorrow and trouble, aud it needed all Kittie's tender nursing, all Ned's loving care, to win tho invalid back to them from her li.ng, long illness. For days her life hung on a thread, but at L.st the color came Hitting back to the pale lips and chocks, and when tho year of mourning had passed, there was not, iu Allentown a prettier or moro win some wife than Htnv t'lasko. SCIENTIFIC XOTES. The Greeks called scissors a " double razor." The pea is supposed to be a native of France. There is red and green as well as black ebony. Charcoal deepens the tint of dahlias, hyacinths and petunias. The owl, which easily digests meat, cannot digest bread or grain. The beryx, a fish of the Atlantio and Pacific, possesses fossil fac-similes in coalk. Animal fats or oils are contained chiefly iu the cellular membrane be neath the skin. The horsefly has 4,000 eye lenses, the cabbage butterfly 17,000, and certain beetles 25.000. Lime is a preserver of wood. It has been noticed that vessels carrying it last longer than any others. Cocoa beans possess twice as much nitrogen as grin, and therefore choco late furnishes much nutriment. Dr. Cornelius Herz, in France, trans mitted audible speech 800 miles with the aid of his telephonic system. In some water plants the flowers ex pand at the surface of the water, and after fading retreat again to the bot tom. A mixture of one part of alcohol and nine parts of crystallized carbolic acid is stated to afford great relief in cases of bites from insects. A vow of guncotton reaching from Edinburgh to Londou, it is said, could bo fired in two minutes, so rapid is the transmission of detonation from one part to another. The (hick-a-dee and the Eagle - A fable. Once upon a time a Chick-a-deo and an Eaglo had nests in the same forest. The forest was plenty large enough for both, and peace and harmony might have prevailed but for the jealousy of the Chick-a-dee. Having been created by nature for a small bird, and having digestive organs for only bugs and worms, it made him wroth to behold tho Eagle having such spread of wings and such appetito for large game. One day, alter the Chick-a-dee had put in ten hours' hard work for grubs, lie beheld the majestic Eagle pounce down and socure in a moment a fish large enough to last him three days. This capped the climax, and the Chick- a-dee flew higher up in the tree to con sult the Buzzard as to what could be dono. " I'd lie about him," was the advice of the Buzzard, after thinking it over. Tho Chick-a-dee therefore flew through the forest spreading lies and slanders regarding the Eagle, but the results were not satisfactory. No one seemed to believe them, and many ad vised tho Chick-a-deo to continue his grubbing and let other Birds do as pleased them best. In this emergency the tiny Bird again applied to the Buz zard for advice. The unclean Bird picked his teeth over the subject and replied: "You must go to tho Eagle and tell him what you think of him." Early the next morning the Chick-a-dee set out on his mission. Meeting the Eagle iu mid-air he began a tirade of abuse, but the Eagle did not seem to hear. Enraged and exasperated, the Chick-a-dee used still stronger lan guage, but the result was the same. " Say ! say I I'm abusing you 1" he finally called out, " I've slandered you, lied about you, and now I insult you, and you dare not resent it." " Little atom," replied the Eagle, as he slowed up a little, "if struck by an Eaglo I should strike back. When a bird of your size bothers me I cannot even afford tinid to stop and eat him." MORAL. A chick-a-dee can't increase his own bulk: by slandeiing the size of an eagle. Detroit JYte Press. Topuoody. Mr. Topnoody went to the minstrels last uiRht, and the funny conundrums and jokes he heard set him to thinking. So at breakfast he began on Mrs. lop- noody. Sho was warm and not very much in the humor for pleasantry, but Topnoody slashed away. " I say, Mrs. Topnoody, can you spell hard water with three letters ?" " No, I can't; I might, though, if yoa had taken me to the minstrels last night." This staggered him a little, but not seriously. "And vou can t spell it Well, f-c-e, ain't that hard water?" Mrs. Topnoddy never smiled, and Mr. T. went on: " Now spell ' money ' with four let tow." " I don't know how," she said. " 11a, ha, that's too good. A woman never can get at this sort of thing in the same clear-headed way a man can. Well, the way to spell it is, c-a-s-h, ain't that money ?" Again did Mrs. T. fuil to smile, and Topnoody started out with another. "Hold on a minute," she interrupted, looking ugly; "I've got one; let's see if you can get it. Spell Topnoody ' with four letters." Topnoody scratched his head and gave it up. "Hu, ha," laughed Mrs T., " thafs too good. A man never can get at this sort of thing in the same clear-headed way a woman can. Well, the way to Fpell it is, f o-o-1, ain't that Topnoody? But Topnoody never 6miled, and the breakfast was finished in silence except uu occasional chuckle from Mrs. Top noodv's end of tho table. ittHhe)vill Troubled. My mind was ruffled with small cares to-day, And I said pettish words, and did not keep Long suffering patience well; and now hw doep My trouble for this sin I In taiii I weep For foolish words I never can unsay. - Yet not in vain, Oh, suroly not in vain 1 This sorrow must compel me to take heed; And surely I shall learn how much I need Thy constant strength my own to supersede, And all my thoughts to patience to constrain Tea, I shall learn at last, thongh I neglect Day after day, to soek my help from thee; Oh, aid me, that I always recollect This gentle heartodness; and Oh correct Whatever else of sin thon seest hi me ! Henry Sutton. HUMOR OF THE DAY. A goldmeddle A burglar in a miser's coffers. Marathon Independent. , . Missouri train robbers are menof iron nerve and steal disposition. "A fellow feeling makes us won drous kind," unless the fellow is feel ing in our pocket for our watch. Salem Sunbeam. There was a large attendance at the schools to-day. Every boy who hadn'f lost an eye brought two pupils. Phila delphia Chronicle. Brown loudly boasts that his heart is always in his hand. Fogg says that Brown is so close-fisted that he is in no danger of ever losing it. Postoti Tran script. When you aro telling a friend a joke poke him in the ribs. He'll be more in terested in tho yarn, and can put a mustard plaster on the sore spot when he goes home. Keokuk Gale City. A honsepainter recently wanted to join the fire department, but as it took him over fifteen minutes to climb a ladder, and then he had to go down again for something he had forgotteD, they didn't employ him. Boston Post. Jumping over a fence in the middle of the night and meeting a bulldog that is a total stranger to yon, is ono of those exciting little incidents of life which go far to break the monotony and rob existence of a tiresome Bame nes3. A man called out to his creditor, " Get out, you Ornithorhynehus ?" The man departed meekly. "Who's that?" inquired a friend of the speaker. " An Ornithorhynehus." "How's that?' "Well, Webster defines him as 'a beast with, a bill.' " Yale Cour ant. This is alleged to be the way a Vas sar girl tells a joke: "Oh, girls! Ihea:4 just the best thing to-day. It was too funny. I can't remember how it came about, bnt one of the girls said to Fro essor Mitchell oh, dear, I can't re member just what she said; but Profes sor Mitchell's answer was just too funny for anything 1" Syracuse Herald. Curious Pets. There lives in Sandwich, Mass , on the borders of one of the most charming lakos in America, Mrs. F. H. Burgess, who is at present attracting no little no toriety through the relation she sus tains to the inhabitants of this lake. It has been hor custom once or twice a day for quite a period to feed the fish in this lake, and a few days ago wo chanced to be favored with an invita tion to witness this novel feast of the . finny tribe. She first splashes the water with her hand, when in a moment there may be seen approaching from every direction hundreds of large shiners, then eels varying in size from one to three feet in length, may be seen cautionsly ap proaching. Next turtles appear on the surface, ten, twenty and thirty feet away, their necks stretched apparently . to see whether it is friend or foe who is disturbing the waters. Iu less than three minutes these various species had collected directly before her, and as she commences to feed tho water is fairly alive with them. They take bread directly from her hands, aud turtles would al low her to take them entirely out of tho water, aud while she held them in one hand they would eat with the greatest voracity from the other. But the eels amused us the most. There was one she called Quinn, measuring about three feet iu length, that repeatedly came to the surface, and would glide back and forth through her hands and several times she lifted him partially out of the water, but he was careful to keep his head under. He seemed to feel that she would take tA undue liberties with him so long as his head was in its natural element, but the moment he saw daylight he would dart back as only an eel could. Another small one, auout a loot in lenath. seemed to be particularly fond of her caresses and could be handled about as she pleased, it being under stood that she was to remain under water though. Taken altogether it was one of the most novel entertainments wo have ever witnessed, and visitors to this locality should not fail to ask the favor granted to the writer. Tho lady is evidently much attached to her pots, and takes pride, as well 6he may, in showing them. Marlboro Mirror-Journal. Too Early. " Come, now, it is time for you to go to bed." said an Austin lady to her lit tle children; "you must go to bed. Don't you kuow all the little chickens have c,one to bed?" "Y', but tho old hen went to 1 with tllOUl." Ve t is Siftix'Jt .