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VOL. XIV. ; NO. 3J. TIONESTA, PA., OCT. 25, 1881.
$1,50 Per Annum.
Memory.
A ror.M wniTTK.x by james a. oAiiFir.t.D.
Tho littlo poem givon below wan written, it
is stated, by James A, fjarnold before his first
torm iu Congress -hence somo twonty years
KO.
Tig beauteous
down
night ; the stars look brightly
Dpon the earth, decked in her robe of snow.
No IiRlit gleams at the window, savo my own,
Which gives its ehoor to midnight and to nin.
And now, with noiseless btep, sweet memory
comes
Ana leads mo gently through hor twilight
realms.
What poot's tuneful lyre has ever sung,
Or delicate pon o'er portrayed,
Tho enchniitcd, shadowy land where memory
dwells ?
It lias ils valleys, cheerless, lone and drear,
Dark-shaded hy tho monnifiil cypreB tree ;
Ai.d yet its sunlit mountnin tops aro bathed
Iu heaven' own Mno. Upon its craggy cliffs,
R'bed in tho dreamy light of distant years,
Are clustered Joys serene of othor days.
Upon its gentle, sloping hillsides bend
Tho weeping willows o'er the sacred dust
Of dear departed ones ; and yet in that land,
Where'er our footsteps fall upon the shore,
They that were Bleeping rise from out the dust
Of death's long silent 'years, and round us
stand,
As erst they lid beroro the prison tomb
Beceived their clayvithin its voiceless halls,
The heavens that bend above that land are
hung
W ltb clouds of various hues. Some dark and
chill
Surcharged with sorrow, cast with sombor
Bhade
Upon tho sunny, Joyous land below.
Others are floating through tho dreamy air,
unite as tuo tailing snow, tneir margins
tingod
With gold and crimsoned hues ; their shadows
full
Upon the llowery meads and sunny slopes,
K'i,t as tho shadow of an angel's wing.
When tho rough battle of tho day is dono,
Aud evening's peaco falls gently on the heart,
I lH'imd away, across the ii"isy years,
Unto the utmost verge of memory's land,
Win re earth and sky in dreamy distance meet
And memory dim with dark oblivion Joins,
'''here woke the flint remembered sounds that
fell
Upon tho ear in childhood's early morn ;
And, wandering thence along the rolling years
I see the shadow of my former self
Gliding from childhood up to man's estate,
Tho path of youth winds down through many
a vale,
And on tho brink of many a dread abyss,
From out whose darkness cornea no ray ot
Save that a phantom dances o'er the gulf
Aud beckons toward tho verge. Again the
path
Leads o'er the summit where the sunbeams
full ;
And thus in light and shade, sunshine and
gloom,
Sorrow aud joy, tho lifo-path leads along.
KEEPING COMPANY.
" Neil ! Ned ! The call rang out
from the house door, floating over the
garden, till it came faint and weary to
the born door, utterly unable to pene
trate the barred portal.
"Ntdl Ned!" Nearer and nearer
came the cheery voice, and a pair of
light feet curried it down the path, to
ring out again clear end strong, as a
little doubled fist pounded an accom
paniment on tho wooden barrier.
A frank face, and head covered with
crisp curls, now decorated by long
straws stuck in with a promiscuous
carelessness suggestive of Lear's crown,
was popped out of the window of the
hay-loft.
" What is it, Katie? I'm giving tho
beasts their breakfast."
41 Come down ! You must come down !
I've got the best of news for you."
"What is it? Wait! I'll be down!
Why, Katie, what are you all dressed
up for?"
"You'll never guess. Susy Willis
has come home, She sent me over
word this morning to be ready for
church early, so we could have a long
walk before we went into meeting.
She's coming over for mo."
"Susy honjel" That was all Ned
said, but there was no doubting the ao
ceut of content in his voice.
" Her father has written that he is
coming back to Allentown next month,
and Susy's mother sent for her to leave
school, and be here to meet him. Oh,
Ned, ain't you glad ? She's been away
mora'n two years."
Glad ! If there was any faith to be
placed in beaming eyes, smiling lips
and trembling nngeis, Ned was, to say
the least, not sorry; but he said noth
ing, only hurried the preparations for
leaving the barn, his lace the while
speaking his pleasure, while, Katie, her
tongue doing the work of two, ran on
with her gleeful chatter.
" I wonder if she's altered, prettier
or smarter. I wonder if she'll let you
beau her now, Ned. Perhaps she'll want
to keep company with, some smarter fel
low, now she's had so much schooling.
Ilurry, Nod, bo you ean go with usl"
And flying up tho path ugain, Katie en
tered tho neat faimhouse, and went to
her room to a J J somo trille to her dress.
Looking wistfully up tho path for her
expected companion she tried to bo
patient, but the ringers would fidget,
the f"ct beat tatoop, the eyes tinhh with
eagerness, while her father's comments,
as he leaned over tho gate, smoking hid
Sunday pipe, did not diminish the fever.
" Ay, Katie, don't drum a hole iu the
v. tndow 1 Arts you dancing a ji, Katie?
" "-. .e down hcit.' aud talk to jack 1" and
the magpie's hoarse voice, calling
" Katie," echoed the invitation. Sud
denly both comment and restlessness
(Teased, while tho two faces, beaming
with loving mischief, watched tho path.
Coming from the barn, round to tho
front of the house, yet in his blouse and
round hat, was Ned, the idol of both
tho warm hearts watching him. His
pretty bunch of flowers told one cause
of his delay, and his lingering step was
explained by the second figure now ad
vancing from the path Katie had
watched so eagerly.
Slowly the two came toward the house
Ned trying to summon up courage to
address the pretty, neatly-dressed
maiden, who had grown from a little girl
to a young lady in her two years' ab
sence ; while she, her loyal heart flutter
ing at the sight of her old sweetheart,
tried to look unconscious of his pres
ence. Nearer and nearer to the farm door,
the distance between them narrowing
every moment, they sauntered on, till
at lust they stood opposite the old
farmer, neither daring to speak the
iirst word. The pretty flowers were in
danger of being eaten up, as Ned bit
nervously at the stems of the pinks and
roses, while Susy's pocket handkerchief
was rapidly becoming transformed into
a rabbit iu her gloved fingers.
How long they would have remained
thus can only bo guessed; but a clear,
ringing laugh from Kate, seconded by
her father's hearty bass, broke the
spell, and Ned said:
" I'm glad you're homo again, Susy !"
and managed to present his flowers and
hold open the gate before her blushes
faded away.
It did not need much urging to turn
the long walk into a talk in Katie's
room, while the farmer and Ned
assumed their "go-to-meeting" garb,
and by tome slight of haitd Katie found
herself transferred to her father, whil5
Master .Ned escorted the fair Susy to
church, and not a week passed before
all Allentown knew that Nod Clarke
and Susy Willis were still "keeping
company."
Ned and Katie Clarke wore the only
children of oid Farmer Joshua Clarke,
whose wife had long before died and
left him to be both father and mother
to her handsome boy and girL. They
were still little ones when they became
motherless, but Aunt Kate, Katie's
godmother, had filled her sister's place
at the farmhouse until Katie was six
teen, when, thinking her niece trained
for a perfect housekeeper, dear Aunt
Kate consented to go brighten another
home, whose master had waited fur her
since her sister's death. So the three
iu the old homestead wero loft to link
their love still closer in the absence of
the wonted housekeeper, and Katie's
pride was to let no comfort be missed,
no deficiency tell of their loss.
In easy circumstances, devotedly
fond of his children, finding love all
around him, Farmer Clarko was tho
most cheery, bright old farmer in Al
lentown. Universally respect jd and
beloved, his old age brightened by his
children's happiness, he was ready to
enter heartily into any youthful
scheme, to give his full sympathy to
all the young boys and girls who came
to him for advice, and above, all to
watch, with almost boyish gleo, all the
village courting. Katie, being a tun
vorsal belle, had as yet selected nospe
cial favorite to torment, so the old man
had full leisure to watch Ned, visiting
his room for sly remarks, dropping
words that brought up the frank blush
so becoming to a manly face, or even,
at times, letting his sympathy bring the
roses to Susy's cheek.
Never did the course of true love
promise to run smoother. Snsy's fathor
was a traveling peddler, whse journeys
often led him hundreds of miles from
Allentown, now east, now west, north,
or south, as his fancy or pack sug
gested. His earnings were, good, and
Mrs. Willis rented a pretty cottage and
lived iu comfortable style, while Susy
could boast of two years' " schooling "
a'; tho academy of 13 , miles away
from her native village. It is true that
Jim Willis, the peddler, was counted a
hard man, one keen at a barg ain, and
close-nsted in business; but no one
doubted his love for his wife and Susy,
their only child. There had been al
ways kindly feeling between the family
and the Clarkes from the time when
Ned drew Susy and Kate to school on
one sled, or tossed apples from the
boys' bench to the golden-haired lassie
on the girls' side. Mrs. Willis knew
Ned's worth; his sturdy uprightness,
his frank, generous heart, his bright in
telligence and faithful love; aud she
wished no moro brilliant future for her
darling than the life of Ned Clarke's
wife promised to be. So the loner sum
mer walks, the confidential talks, the
thousand devices to win favor that the
youthful swain proffered his love, were
all smiled upon by tho inhabitants of
farm ana cottage, wbile bus-v s rentle.
loyal heart never dreamed of coquetry,
but let Master Ned read in every look
and blush the tale of his success in woo
ing. 1 he summer months sped merrily.
and it was well understood in Allen
town that when Jim Willis returned
there would be a wedding, while not a
"boy" in the villuge would have
dreamed of daring to court a smile or
word from Susy.
lue long eveniDg shadows of August
were falling from the houses and trees,
when Katie sat dreaming in her little
room. Tea was over. Her father had
gone to town tho day before with pro
visions, and would not return until far
into the 'night. Ned had gone to see
Susie, bo there wa no one to interrupt
tho musing, fc-ho was thinking win tL.t r,
when Susy came to the farmhouse, she
might not think of quitting it, and the
various pros and cons of Bob, Harry and
Will flitted through her coquettish lit
tle heart as she deliberated on their
several cases, her heart free to choose
from all of them.
Suddenly looking tip she saw Ned
coming slowly down the path from the
cottage. He reeled from side to side,
as if intoxicated, while his faltering
step, his bowed head and drooping
figure terrified hiB sister greatly. He
must bo ill ! Very ill indeed he looked
as he passed the gate she had hastened
to open for him. He made no answer
to her piteous inquiries as he passed
her to enter the kitchen, where he sank
down upon the floor, resting his head
on his clasped hands, and sobbed the
hard dry gasps of a strong man in
agony.
"Oh, Ned! dear Ned! what is it?
You frighten me so ! Ned, Ned, dear !
Is SuRy sick?"
He looked up at the name, his face
ashy pale, his eyes burning and dry.
" Don't speak of Susy, Katie ! Don't;
it kills me I"
"But, Nod "
" I'll try to tell you, Katie. Wo never
have had any secrets."
She had seated herself on a low stool,
and drawn his head to rest upon her
breast, and her gentle touch, her face of
tender love seemed to soothe him, for
his harsh, choked voice softened as he
spoke to hor.
"Jim Willis has ccme home, Katie.
He's made aheap of money speculating,
aud bought a house in Cincinnati, and
is going to take Susy and her mother
there to live ; and he says I can't have
Susy she's going to be rich, and a city
girl and I'm only a poor country clod
hoppcr." "Nedl"
" He said so. She's to go to Cin
cinnati and make a great match, and I
can never see her again."
" But Susy what does Susy herself
say?"
" He wouldn't let me see her, except
when he lilted her into the coach to go
away all white and dead like where
she fainted."
"Oo away?"
" They're gone. He came home thi3
morning, in a coach he hired in town,
and he made them pack up and get
ready to go right off wouldn't let
either of them come here tried to gtt
away before I came, and drove mo away
as if I had been a loafer. Oh, Katie,
how can I live ?".
The loyal heart was nearly breaking.
Every word came in a gasp, and the
pallid lace and quivering lips were
faithful witnesses of the terrible agony
of this unexpected blow. From a boy
to a man ho had cherished an dream
of future happiness, and it was a pain
that no language can adequately de
scribe to see it Jhre ruthlessly dashed
iium una.
Katie was powerless to console him
The shock was to her only second to
his own, for Susy had been to her in
the place of a sister from their child
hood, and she loved her brother with a
passionate devotion that made every
tone of his voice, every quiver of his
pale lips a blow on her tender heart.
Far ns Cincinnati really was from the
quiet .New England village, its actual
distance was nothing compared to the
vast space their simple imagining
threw between. Susy was to be carried
away, far froiOher home, far from. them,
and if the destination had been Egypt
or ConstantifSiple the shock would
have gaineiyno force. Ned's heart
dwelt on thebaic, senseless face, as he
had seen it carried by him, till his poor
brain fairly numbed under the burden
of its grief, and he lay silent, only
sometimes moaning as the sorrow be
came more poignant in a new light.
Night fell, the long hours drew out
their slow length, and still tho two re
mained mute and motionless, trying to
realize and bear this strange misfortune.
Daybreak stealing in, and the sound of
the farmer's heavy wagon in the yard,
roused them at last, and poor Ned, un
able to meet tho cheery voice and face
of his father, sPole away to his room,
leaving Katie to tell the news.
It is impossible to describe tho
farmer's wrath. Hot words of burning
indignatiou poured from his lips, and, for
the first time, Katie heard an oath from
her father's lips, as he cursed Jim Wil
lis for his miserly, cruel heart. Then
came gentler thpughts. Susy, his little
pet, second only to bed and Katie in
his heart, lost, carried away from them
torn from her home and lover and here
the thought of Ned's grief conquered
every other, aud the old man strode uo
the narrow staircase to his son's door.
It needed just such fatherly tenderness
as he brought to win Ned from hiscaro
less agony to the' relief of tears and
spoech, and far into the morning the
two sat talkiug of this hard turn in for
tune.
The morning duties called them
down, and if Katie's heart ached over
her brother's untouched breakfast, it
was comforted by seeing how deep was
his father's sympathy.
Days passed and weeks and Ned tried
to bear his sorrow like a man. There
was no want of sympathy at homo,
where the loving eyes watched his pale
cheeks with a tender interest that was
almost painful, and the brave heart that
would have given Susy its full wealth
of love was generous to tho home circle,
und for its sake tried to live down tho
pain of disappointment. I know that to
be a proper hero Nod should have
moped and drooped, snubbed Katie,
been savage to till human nature, and
finally have left homo to work out his
spleen iu some new life. But Neil's
had
a.
( I.-mcut in his
pure Christian faith, which taught him
to do as he would bo done by, to honor
his father, to bear his cross patiently ;
and so, if his merry whistle had ceased,
his voice gradually resumed its clear
cheerfulness, and his manner grew
doubly tender toward Katie, as he
marked her sympathizing love. Not a
word dropped from any of them that
could give one shadow of reproach tb
Susy, and some vague ideas of a rescue
occasionally suggested themselves to
Nod, where his love might- win her from
her father's tyranny or melt his ob
stinate resolve. The idea that Susy
could ever be his wife without that con
sent never occurred to him.
The winter had set in before ono
word of the fugitives reached Allentown,
then Katie had a treasure to show, a
letter from Susy.
"Dear, dear Katie" (so it read), "I
may be doing very wrong to write to
you, after all that father has said ; but
mother has given me permission to
write once, so I am now tryiDg to tell
you that my love for yon for Ned"
(here a great blot told of a tear) " and
your dear father, is just the same, though
we Bhall never see each other again. I
have been very sick ; so sick on tho
road here that we had to 6taynearly two
weeks at a town where father had some
business, and that is why I did not
write before. Oh, Katie! I must mind
father, who says I must never think of
Ned again ; but it is terrible hard not
to. Nights I lay awake and think of all
the nice days in Allentown where we
werb keeping company, and my heart
seems breaking when I think we may
never meet again on earth. Oh, Katie !
comfort Ned. Tell him that I will never,
never let any other boy court me tell
him I never can forget him, though I
must try ; tell him I did love him with
all my heart ; and don't let him quite
forget me, even if he marries some
other girl. Won't write to me mother
says not ; but think of me sometimes,
and give my love to Ned and vour
father. Susy."
That was all; but Ned felt when Katie
told him he might keep the letter, that
mines of wealth could not purchase it
from him.
Five years passed, and no word came
from Cincinnati. Katie was a wife now.
aud mother to a bouncing boy crawling
about tho floor, but Ned was true as
steel to his old love. No word of court
ing had ever passed his lips since Susy
left him, and if his tall figure had de
veloped to manliness, hi3 voice grown
rougher, his frank face older, the boyish
love still nestled down in the depths of
his heart, and he resolved to live" ever a
bachelor for Susy s sake. '
Katie's new cares had somewhat
clouded her pain at Susy's departure,
and the name that had once been so
sweet a household word was now rarely
heard in the farmhouse.
There was something very touching
in the manly courage which Ned
brought to bear upon the sorrow of his
life. Never, save on tho one night
when the suddenness of tho blow pros
trated him, had he given way to the
passionate grief in his heart, and his
calm pursuit of the weary routiuo of
life evinced more moral courage than is
often given to great deeds that make
the world ring.
It was Sunday morning, and every
body at the farmhouse had gone to
church except Ned and tho baby. The
junior member of the household was
fast asleep on a rug before the fireplace,
and Ned was reading, when a shadow
fell upon the floor, and a voice, low and
sweet, spoke his name.
He scarcely dared breathe as he
looked up. So pale and thin as to be
almost spirit-like, dressed in the heavi
est mourning, the large, earnest eyes
hollow, the lips white and trembling,
surely that could not be Susy ? Ho had
pictured her living in wealth forget
ting him, perhaps but never, never
this pale, grief-stricken woman.
" Ned, don't you know me?"
Still doubting, he rose and eame to
meet her, till, with a glad cry, he
opened his arms and folded her closely,
as if never agaiu to let her go.
" Susy I my Susy f Oh, how can I
ever be thankful enough ? Oh, Susy !"
and the hot tears fell on the sweet face,
us he marked its white, wasted lines.
"Father took to drink after he got
rich, Ned, and it is three years since
mother died. We wero very wretched,
Ned; Cor city folks did not care for us,
and we were not used to their ways;
after mother died, father was scarcely
ever sooer, and i naoiard time taking
care of him, till aboutX T months ago
he was taken sick.
e dti
pent nearly
all the money long before; but I did
sewing, and sometimes father earned
something, until he was sick. Thon we
were very poor; bnt just before he died
somebody sent him some money they
owed him. He gave it to me, and told
me to come here with it, and ask you to
torgive mm tor parting us; so utter he
died, I came to see if vou still cared
for me, Nod?"
" Care for you ! Oh, Susy, I will care
for you all my life if you will stay,
Susy!"
But the white lips gave no answer,
the head fell back nerveless, and as he
had seen her oa that heavy day of part
ing, he held her now. The weary, over
tasked frame had given way under its
load of sorrow and trouble, aud it needed
all Kittie's tender nursing, all Ned's
loving care, to win tho invalid back to
them from her li.ng, long illness. For
days her life hung on a thread, but at
L.st the color came Hitting back to the
pale lips and chocks, and when tho year
of mourning had passed, there was not,
iu Allentown a prettier or moro win
some wife than Htnv t'lasko.
SCIENTIFIC XOTES.
The Greeks called scissors a " double
razor."
The pea is supposed to be a native of
France.
There is red and green as well as
black ebony.
Charcoal deepens the tint of dahlias,
hyacinths and petunias.
The owl, which easily digests meat,
cannot digest bread or grain.
The beryx, a fish of the Atlantio and
Pacific, possesses fossil fac-similes in
coalk.
Animal fats or oils are contained
chiefly iu the cellular membrane be
neath the skin.
The horsefly has 4,000 eye lenses, the
cabbage butterfly 17,000, and certain
beetles 25.000.
Lime is a preserver of wood. It has
been noticed that vessels carrying it
last longer than any others.
Cocoa beans possess twice as much
nitrogen as grin, and therefore choco
late furnishes much nutriment.
Dr. Cornelius Herz, in France, trans
mitted audible speech 800 miles with
the aid of his telephonic system.
In some water plants the flowers ex
pand at the surface of the water, and
after fading retreat again to the bot
tom. A mixture of one part of alcohol and
nine parts of crystallized carbolic acid
is stated to afford great relief in cases
of bites from insects.
A vow of guncotton reaching from
Edinburgh to Londou, it is said, could
bo fired in two minutes, so rapid is the
transmission of detonation from one
part to another.
The (hick-a-dee and the Eagle - A fable.
Once upon a time a Chick-a-deo and
an Eaglo had nests in the same forest.
The forest was plenty large enough for
both, and peace and harmony might
have prevailed but for the jealousy of
the Chick-a-dee. Having been created
by nature for a small bird, and having
digestive organs for only bugs and
worms, it made him wroth to behold
tho Eagle having such spread of wings
and such appetito for large game.
One day, alter the Chick-a-dee had
put in ten hours' hard work for grubs,
lie beheld the majestic Eagle pounce
down and socure in a moment a fish
large enough to last him three days.
This capped the climax, and the Chick-
a-dee flew higher up in the tree to con
sult the Buzzard as to what could be
dono.
" I'd lie about him," was the advice
of the Buzzard, after thinking it over.
Tho Chick-a-dee therefore flew
through the forest spreading lies and
slanders regarding the Eagle, but the
results were not satisfactory. No one
seemed to believe them, and many ad
vised tho Chick-a-deo to continue his
grubbing and let other Birds do as
pleased them best. In this emergency
the tiny Bird again applied to the Buz
zard for advice. The unclean Bird
picked his teeth over the subject and
replied:
"You must go to tho Eagle and tell
him what you think of him."
Early the next morning the Chick-a-dee
set out on his mission. Meeting
the Eagle iu mid-air he began a tirade
of abuse, but the Eagle did not seem to
hear. Enraged and exasperated, the
Chick-a-dee used still stronger lan
guage, but the result was the same.
" Say ! say I I'm abusing you 1" he
finally called out, " I've slandered you,
lied about you, and now I insult you,
and you dare not resent it."
" Little atom," replied the Eagle, as
he slowed up a little, "if struck by an
Eaglo I should strike back. When a
bird of your size bothers me I cannot
even afford tinid to stop and eat him."
MORAL.
A chick-a-dee can't increase his own
bulk: by slandeiing the size of an eagle.
Detroit JYte Press.
Topuoody.
Mr. Topnoody went to the minstrels
last uiRht, and the funny conundrums
and jokes he heard set him to thinking.
So at breakfast he began on Mrs. lop-
noody. Sho was warm and not very
much in the humor for pleasantry, but
Topnoody slashed away.
" I say, Mrs. Topnoody, can you spell
hard water with three letters ?"
" No, I can't; I might, though, if yoa
had taken me to the minstrels last
night." This staggered him a little,
but not seriously.
"And vou can t spell it Well, f-c-e,
ain't that hard water?"
Mrs. Topnoddy never smiled, and Mr.
T. went on:
" Now spell ' money ' with four let
tow." " I don't know how," she said.
" 11a, ha, that's too good. A woman
never can get at this sort of thing in the
same clear-headed way a man can.
Well, the way to spell it is, c-a-s-h, ain't
that money ?"
Again did Mrs. T. fuil to smile, and
Topnoody started out with another.
"Hold on a minute," she interrupted,
looking ugly; "I've got one; let's see
if you can get it. Spell Topnoody '
with four letters." Topnoody scratched
his head and gave it up.
"Hu, ha," laughed Mrs T., " thafs
too good. A man never can get at this
sort of thing in the same clear-headed
way a woman can. Well, the way to
Fpell it is, f o-o-1, ain't that Topnoody?
But Topnoody never 6miled, and the
breakfast was finished in silence except
uu occasional chuckle from Mrs. Top
noodv's end of tho table. ittHhe)vill
Troubled.
My mind was ruffled with small cares to-day,
And I said pettish words, and did not keep
Long suffering patience well; and now
hw
doep
My trouble for this sin I In taiii I weep
For foolish words I never can unsay. -
Yet not in vain, Oh, suroly not in vain 1
This sorrow must compel me to take heed;
And surely I shall learn how much I need
Thy constant strength my own to supersede,
And all my thoughts to patience to constrain
Tea, I shall learn at last, thongh I neglect
Day after day, to soek my help from thee;
Oh, aid me, that I always recollect
This gentle heartodness; and Oh correct
Whatever else of sin thon seest hi me !
Henry Sutton.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A goldmeddle A burglar in a miser's
coffers. Marathon Independent. , .
Missouri train robbers are menof
iron nerve and steal disposition.
"A fellow feeling makes us won
drous kind," unless the fellow is feel
ing in our pocket for our watch.
Salem Sunbeam.
There was a large attendance at the
schools to-day. Every boy who hadn'f
lost an eye brought two pupils. Phila
delphia Chronicle.
Brown loudly boasts that his heart is
always in his hand. Fogg says that
Brown is so close-fisted that he is in no
danger of ever losing it. Postoti Tran
script. When you aro telling a friend a joke
poke him in the ribs. He'll be more in
terested in tho yarn, and can put a
mustard plaster on the sore spot when
he goes home. Keokuk Gale City.
A honsepainter recently wanted to
join the fire department, but as it took
him over fifteen minutes to climb a
ladder, and then he had to go down
again for something he had forgotteD,
they didn't employ him. Boston Post.
Jumping over a fence in the middle
of the night and meeting a bulldog
that is a total stranger to yon, is ono of
those exciting little incidents of life
which go far to break the monotony
and rob existence of a tiresome Bame
nes3. A man called out to his creditor,
" Get out, you Ornithorhynehus ?" The
man departed meekly. "Who's that?"
inquired a friend of the speaker. " An
Ornithorhynehus." "How's that?'
"Well, Webster defines him as 'a beast
with, a bill.' " Yale Cour ant.
This is alleged to be the way a Vas
sar girl tells a joke: "Oh, girls! Ihea:4
just the best thing to-day. It was too
funny. I can't remember how it came
about, bnt one of the girls said to Fro
essor Mitchell oh, dear, I can't re
member just what she said; but Profes
sor Mitchell's answer was just too
funny for anything 1" Syracuse Herald.
Curious Pets.
There lives in Sandwich, Mass , on
the borders of one of the most charming
lakos in America, Mrs. F. H. Burgess,
who is at present attracting no little no
toriety through the relation she sus
tains to the inhabitants of this lake. It
has been hor custom once or twice a
day for quite a period to feed the fish
in this lake, and a few days ago wo
chanced to be favored with an invita
tion to witness this novel feast of the .
finny tribe.
She first splashes the water with her
hand, when in a moment there may be
seen approaching from every direction
hundreds of large shiners, then eels
varying in size from one to three feet
in length, may be seen cautionsly ap
proaching. Next turtles appear on the
surface, ten, twenty and thirty feet
away, their necks stretched apparently .
to see whether it is friend or foe who is
disturbing the waters. Iu less than
three minutes these various species had
collected directly before her, and
as she commences to feed tho
water is fairly alive with them.
They take bread directly from
her hands, aud turtles would al
low her to take them entirely out of tho
water, aud while she held them in one
hand they would eat with the greatest
voracity from the other. But the eels
amused us the most. There was one
she called Quinn, measuring about three
feet iu length, that repeatedly came to
the surface, and would glide back and
forth through her hands and several
times she lifted him partially out of the
water, but he was careful to keep his
head under. He seemed to feel that
she would take tA undue liberties with
him so long as his head was in its
natural element, but the moment he
saw daylight he would dart back as
only an eel could.
Another small one, auout a loot in
lenath. seemed to be particularly fond
of her caresses and could be handled
about as she pleased, it being under
stood that she was to remain under
water though.
Taken altogether it was one of the
most novel entertainments wo have ever
witnessed, and visitors to this locality
should not fail to ask the favor granted
to the writer.
Tho lady is evidently much attached
to her pots, and takes pride, as well 6he
may, in showing them. Marlboro
Mirror-Journal.
Too Early.
" Come, now, it is time for you to go
to bed." said an Austin lady to her lit
tle children; "you must go to bed.
Don't you kuow all the little chickens
have c,one to bed?"
"Y', but tho old hen went to 1
with tllOUl." Ve t is Siftix'Jt .