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VOL. XIV. NO. IG. TIONESTA, PA., JULY 13, 1881.
$1.50 Per Annum. .
j 00 worK. 1a.1n.on i ten very.
Snmmcr Rolens.
8nmmer watched from the distaheo '
The blue-eyed Spring departing;
Softly trailing behind her robot of falnleU
groen;
And, wniling with wondrous brightnoes,
Rlie turnod to her three attendants,
Who were weaving a wreath of uube.-imt with
which to crown hor queen.
Jiy reign," she said, right prondly,
"Will bring the whole earth treasure,
To greot me every song-bird will ning a sweeter
tune;
And, waving a Joyous welcome,
The grass and the trees grow grconerj
80 hasto and make ready to journey with nir,
my bonny Juno.
" July shall follow after, .
And then my fiery August,
And each to do mo honor a wealth of flowers
must wear.
For June swoot strawberry blossom,
And clusters of pink wild rosea,
And July will be docked with larkspurs and
' lilies wondrous fair.
" August fhall find the astors,
And lovely ox-oyod daisies,
Beautiful, silken corn-plumo?, and graceful,
foathery grans;
And I shall be gay in poppies,
And tulips of many colors,
Andprimrosos satiny yellow shall follow as I
pans,"
Upon her rod-gold tresses
They plaood the crown of sunbeams,
Hor train of gold and crimson by rose-wreathed
June was borne;
And July and dark-browed Angust
Throwing farewell kisses after,
Quoen Summer came to hor kingdom led by
the blushing Moru 1
Maryart Eytinge, in El.rich'$ Quartaly.
KITTY'S PREJUDICE.
Kitty Iloyt was standing by the gai e,
swiininjr her Unlit, summer hat by one
string, and whirling lightly to herself.
Yt, the truth must be told Kitty was
just a little hrtidenish. much to the un
noyance of her very dignified altogether
proper relatives.
Aunt Prudence was wont to give her
lulf-honr lectures by the dozen, on the
sinfulness of pirls who whittled, and
Kitty's disgusted brother Bob would
jjerely hint that
"'VyiiMtliiiggirl and crowing hen
.Always 9ttt tO.Jad end."
Lectures and hints were all in rain,
and independent little Kitty whistled
when and where she pleased, for the
didn't care a mite for other people's
ideas and opinions.
She looked very graceful and pretty,
as she stood by the gate in the gather
ing dunk. A low, white forehead,
around which the clinging brown curls
clustered lovingly; a piquant, kissable
rosebud of a mouth, and a pair of laugh
ing, saucy brown eyes and that is Kitty
Hoyt.
"Hello, Kit !"
Kitty looked up with a little dimpling
smile and laugh, as she responded to
this salutation.
"Hello, Craig! where are yotij going
this evening ?"
Craig Langley, a tall, handsome
young fellow of twenty-three, sauntered
slowly up, ' wafting a cloud of smoke
before him as a herald of his approach.
Kitty drew back, and elevated her
dainty rose in diHgust.
" Cn ig Langley," she cried, sharply,
"I do uelieve you're the horridest
croature that ever lived ! When will
you learn not to smoke in the society
of ladies ? You know I can't bear the
smell of a cigar, and I know you're
smoking now just to tease me I"
Cruig laughed easily, watched a cloud
of smoke as it sailed around his curly
hoid, and then drawled, tantalizingly :
"Don't excite yourself, Kitty, my
child : it isn't good for your health,
though it makes you look decidedly
pretty. I believe you do it for effect."
Kitty stamped her tiny foot passion
ately. " Craig Langley, you will drive me
crazy! If you don't take that cigar
out of your mouth this instant, you
must leave the premises ; so there ?"
With a comical look of mock repent
ance and terror on his handsome, laugh
ing face, Craig threw the cigar away,
saying, gravely:
" Thy will shall be law, my queen."
" Don't be a goose; you know I'm not
your queen, and never shall be. Come
now, that's a good boy," coaxingly,
" tell me all the news."
"News?" said Craig. "I did not
come to tell you any news; I came to
Bie you, Kitty."
" Nonsense I" said Kitty; "of course
you didn't come all this way just to see
me. You must surely have some news
for me. Tell it, please."
She was very fond of handsome, de
bonair Craig Langley, in a sisterly sort
of a way, but she had no idea of
going any further into his affections,
and when he became too devoted she
always checked him with womanly tact.
41 But I did come to see you," Craig
protested; "and I haven't any news;
utiles, indeed, the fact that the new
schoolmaster has come, is news."
" Indeed, it is," said Kitty, looking
interested. " When did he come,
Craig, and what is his name, and
where's he going to stay, and how does
he look, and "
Ciuig placed both hands over his ears
aud cried: Oh, K't! do stop and have
mercy on rue I One question at a time,
if you pie be He was an old college
chum of mine, and u ia truth the best
and noblest fellow ia the world. His
pame is Peroy Smith, and"
' 1 k:ow"I shall hate him." cried
Kitty, scon fully, " if he s that pink of
perfect on whom y u were always prais
ing to the skies in yonr letters last year.
1 can't bear goody-goody men."
"He isn't one of your goody-gordy
men, whatever you mean by that," said
Craig, testily. Craig always spoke well
of absent friends. "He's oLe of na
ture's noblemen, though poor, and he's
liked by everybody."
" I shan't like him !" said Kitty, per
versely. Craig did not drign to notice the last
outburst, but went on.
" As for his looks, he's tall and very
good-looking, with golden hair and
golden mustache."
"I just despise Honde men," inter
rupted Kitty, with curling lip.
" W hy, Kit !" cried Craig, in amaze
ment he was a blonde himself look
ing reproachfu ly at our perversa hero
ine, " y. u told me yourself only a f w
da a ago tha. y. u admired the blonde
st 1 of men very much."
Kitty's saucy brown eyes flashed.
" Well, can't one change her mind if
she chooses?" she asked, shortly. "I
don't admire that style of beauty, any
way." There was a glorious silence on both
sides for several minutes. At last Craig
said, with an effort toward cheerfulness:
" I'm sorry, Kit, that you're so preju
diced against Percy, ne certainly
doesn't deserve any ill-will from you. I
was sure you would be friends; he is to
hoard at your house, you know, and I'm
afraid it will be disagreeable for both
of 3011, if you are to be enemies. Can't
you be friendly to him for my sake,
Kit?" pleadingly.
" No, I can't ! " impatiently.
Craig looked hopelessly forlorn and
bewildered. He himself was a careless,
good-natured fellow, everybody's friend,
and couldn't understand natures like
Kitty's. Consequently he took a philo
sophical view of the matter and gave it
up.
" Well, Kit," he said, "you seem to
be in one of your tantrums this evening,
and there's no use in trying to do any
thing with you. I'll drop in to-morrow,
to see if you feel any better. Good
night! "
" Good-night," said Kitty.
Ou the following day Percy Smith
appeared and was duly installed as a
member of the Hoyt household. Even
Kitty could not help admitting to her
self that he was very handsome and
noble-looking.
nis brow was broad, open and white,
and his deep blue eyes were aa tender
as a woman's. In his sensitive lips,
sha ed by a drooping golden mustache,
there was no lack of firmness.
As Percy had said he was liked by
everybody, and he Boon came to be re
garded as a true friend of every one in
the family except Kitty, of course.
She was at all times cold and distant
toward him, merely tendering him the
barest civilities.
The young man wondered much at
her strange conduct; the more so as he
became much interested in the piquant,
pretty little lady from the very first. -
At the table she never looked at him,
and when spoken to responded in mon
osyllables only, and these were uttered
very reluctantly.
Percy Smith noticed it all, and. a look
of wounded dignity and pride would
often cross his grave face.
" She evidently does not like me," he
thought, with a nameless pain at his
heart.
He realized that this girl, who was so
cold and distant to him, and so merry
and saucy toward others, was very dear
to him.
" She can never be anything to me,"
he said to himself, " and I will not let
her see my weakness."
Several monotonous months passed
away.
Beautiful August had drifted into
September, and September had ripened
into October. Autumn was assuming
her gay robes of scarlet and crimson
and gold.
One lovely evening Percy Smith was
pacing the garden walk with thought
ful, abstracted countenance. He was
roused from his reverie by the sound of
voices. Percy was just turning away
when he heard his own name, and in
voluntarily stopped.
He recognized Craig's voice.
" Well, Kit, haven't you and Percy
become friends yet?"
Percy strained his cars to catch the
answer.
How mocking and cruel it was, he
thought.
" What a question, Craig ! You know
yourself that I seldom become friends
with those for whom I take a dislike. I
can't bear Percy Smith, and I don't
think I ever shall."
Percy felt faint and dizzy. It was all
as ho had expected, then ! She de
spised him, while he he loved her
better than all the world beside. He
clutched at the railing of the garden
wall for support, and reached his room
with weak and tottering steps. Ob,
what a weary, weary night it was !
Peroy's constitution was not natur
ally a strong one. He had lost father,
mother and a fortune the year before.
These misfortunes had left him so
weak that he wus ready to succumb to
any additional ones.
He felt ill and faint all the next day,
and it was with dilliculty that he ac
complished his duties, Brain fever set
in, and for weeks Percy hovered over
the valley of the shadow of death.
Kitty, our willful, thoughtless Kitty,
sursed him through it all. Somehow
a wonderful chauge had come over
Kitty. She was merry and gay at times,
but a womanly seriousuebs could be
noticed which was as charming as it was
new.
She began to feel that she did not
hate Percy Smith, after all.' Indeed,
she rather liked him, she confessed to
herself.
The crisis of Percy's illness passed,
one day, while lying half asleep, he
felt warm tears fall on his face, and a
pair of tremulous lips touched the pale
forehead.
The white lids flew open and he bo
held Kitty ! She cast a frightened,
shamed look at him, and flew from the
room. ,,
" Oh, what have I done ?" she thought.
" He'll think me immodest and bold,
and I can't stand that from from
him !"
And Percy ?
" Then she does think a little of me
after all," he thought, while his pulses
thrilled with happiness.
From that day he improved rapidly
and in the golden Indian Rnmmoi-.t.imo
he was able to go out into the fresh
invigorating air.
"And you ore going away so soon ?"
thore was a constrained, pained ling
in Kitty's voice, which she tried in
vain to make steady, and her face turned
pale.
They were standing on the veranda -Percy
and Kitty.
"Yes," said' Percy, slowly; "shall
you miss me just a little bit, Kitty ?"
Kitty's lips quivered, but she made
no reply. The next minute Percy had
drawn the blushing face upon his breast.
" Oh, my darling," ho breathed, ten
derly, " I was afraid you never could
learn to love me! You disliked me
once, you know. You do love me a li -tie
bit now?"
"Not a little bit, but very, very
much, Percy," Kitty said, in a low
tone.
The next evening, when Craig oanie
around as usual, he said:
" Well, Kit, have you any news for
me?"
Kitty iaughed and blushed as she
said:
"None, Craig, unless that about the
new schoolmaster is news."
" Well, what is that about him ? Have
you had a hand-to-hand contest with
him, or what?"
"No, indeed; but the hoirid cieature
has asked me to marry him !"
Craig opened wide his blue orbs, pie
tending to be much surprised.
" And your answer was no, of courso t"
" Of course it wasn't," said Kitty, de
cidedly. Craig gave a low whistle, and said,
compassionately:
" Poor fellow ! his life will be a tor
ment to him," and then had to dodge
around to eBcape a box from Kitty's
dimpled fingers.
A Quiet Boarding House.
"I have come in answer' to your adver
tisement for board," said a nervous old
lady to a pert mjss of thirteen, as the
latter showed her into a parlor of all the
comforts of a home establishment on
Henry street. "And I won't come here
unless your houee is perfectly quiet,
now remember that."
"Quiet ! well, you may smile," replied
Miss. "That noise you hear now is the
dentist in the basement, pulling out a
tooth, but he'll get it out, if it takes
him a month. How much can you af
ford to pay ?"
"I think I hear some one upstairs
shouting," said the old lady.
"That's only a young lawyer practic
ing a case. You'll get used to him.
Nobody liked it at first, but we've all
got used to it and don't mind it now.
Got any children ? We don't take chil
dren, because our babies fight 'em so."
"No, I haven't. Who's that yelling
in the next room ?"
"That's the landlord trying to collect
the rent. You know pa is very deaf,
and jou've got to howl at him. You'll
have to pav in advance if you come
here."
"Good gracious ! What's that?" ejac
ulated the old lady, as a furious din
swept through the lower regions.
"I guess the cook is driving grandma
out of the kitchen with tho clothespolo.
She often does that. Have you got
much baggage ?"
"Sukes alive ! Somebody is being
murdered upstairs ! Who is it?"
"Oh! that's a literary fellow on the
top floor. Whenever he writes any
thing he squeals like a pig. But he
generally writes at night, and you
needn't pay any attention to him."
"What are your terms ? good heaven,
the roof has fallen in 1"
"No, it hasn't ; that's a college pro
fessor, and that's the way he goes up
and down stairs. If you listen you may
hear him break his neck ! Can you give
any references ? Anybody know you V"
'Certainly ; if I was that a gun ?"
"I guess so. My cousin has got a
prairie down cellar where he hunts In
dians and buffaloes and things. Some
times he's a road agent, and then he
robs us on the stairs. We always allow
for it in the board, so it evens up. Got
any money of your ova ?"
"Never mind whether I havt, t not ;
I don't think I want a room lieu, any
way. Let me out, please."
"Couldn't let you have one, anyhow;
retorted miss, preparing to slide down
the balustrade. "There's only one
empty one, and that's too high-priced
for you ; behides, you don't wear very
good clothes, and we prefer not to have
you around." And down the slide 6he
went with a whiz-z, while the old lady
pattered off after another home-like
house. Brooklyn EayU,
FOB THE LADIES. '
Draining the Ilalr.
A book that should give the full his
tory of the feminine headdress would
be a book full of interest. How many
long and patient researches its author
would have to make to give even a
glimpse of the thousands on thousands
of transformations that the natural
ornament of the human skull has un
dergone at the bidding of taste and of
caprice !
During the epoch of. paganism the
priestess of Bacchus appeared in publio
with flowing tresses, while Diana and
her nymphs are represented as knotting
their hair on the top of their heads. The
coiffure of the anciont Greek ladies, as
also of the Roman dames, was of an ex
treme simplicity ; they parted the hair
on the top of the head and braided it in
long plaits falling down the shoulders.
Very often they made with these plaits
a twist behind the head, which was kept
in place by means of a bandelet. The
Roman ladies, whose slaves were counted
by thousands, employed many of these
solely in dressing their hair. Woe to
tho slaves if the coiffure became dis
arranged ! Patience was not one of the
virtues of the fashionable women of
those days. They diverted themselves
by thrusting long pincers into the flesh,
of their improvised hairdressers.
Even at that time the hairpin was al
ready in use; for we know that Flavia,
by way of insulting the corpse of Cicero,
drew a hairpin from her locks and thrust
it through the tongue of the illustrious
orator, as though thus taking vengeance
for the sarcasms that tongue had hurled
at her. The use of hair powder was
also known, since Poppea, the second
wife of Nero, never allowed herself to
be seen by her lord and master until
she had first covered her locks with a
powder of gold.
During the middle ages fashion did
not get any further than the plaits and
bandeaux until the Crusaders left an
Oriental imprint on the art of hair
dressing. Toward 1660 a revolution
suddenly broke out among the ladies
who set the pattern of elegance. Curls
became the fashion and graciously
shaded the charming features of the Le
Vallieres, the Sevignes, the Maintenons,
the Ninon de l'Enclos and the other
beauties who adorned the reign of Louis
XIV. A little later the pyramidal head
dresses csme into vogue and grew to
ridiculous heights. So absurdly high
were they that ladies going to the ball
were forced to kneel down in their car
riages or to thrust their heads out of tho
windows. In caricature of the period
hairdressers on the way to the notifies
of their patrons are represented as carry
ing ladders upon their backs.
The revolution of 1789 was a terrible
blow to the artirts of the profession,
and the disuse of powder and of wigs
forced them to sensibly modify their
art. . It was at this time that u hair
dresser named Michalon invented and
brought into fashion the practice of ex
hibiting different styles of headdresses
on the heads of the wax figures which
still ornament tho windows of his suc
cessors. The reigns of Louis XVIII.,
Charles X. and Louis Philippe con
tributed nothing to the history of hair
dressing, except fashions that nowadays
wonld be considered eccentric.
With the advent of the Second Em
pire we enter the domain of modern
hairdressing. Felix Escolier, hairdress
er to the Empress Eugenie, composed
for the wedding of that sovereign a
coiffure consisting of two bandoanx in
front; the one in the Marie Stuart style,
the other rolled, beginning ut the top
of the head and falling gracefully down
the neck in little curls. This dresser
of crowned heads was before everything
else an innovator. For many years he
created the now styles. His profes
sional brethren could not succeed in
imitating him, and they employed all
sorts of stratagems to. discover his se
crets. One day as he was dressing the
hair of the wife of a great u.gnitary of
the Empire he perceived one of these
rivals who, disguised as a valet, has
entered the shop to spy out the new
style, in order to employ it on the head
of one of his own clients. Felix, pre
tending not to see anything, dressed
madam's head in the most laughablo
and grotesque fashion that he could de
vise. As soon as his rival had gone
away he undid all that ho had done and
constructed a scientific and novel coif
fare. As for the rival, he imitated with
implicit confidence what he had seen.
Filled with enthusiasm, he dressed the
hair of his client, a lady who was to
pass the evening at the Tuileries. Her
entrance into the imperial ballroom
ft'as the signal for laughter and jests on
ill sides. It was the ruin of the un
lucky hairdresser.
FabioD Fauctea.
Dotted mull scarfs are much worn.
Red parasols are striking novelties.
Tho fashionable parasol is very large.
There ia a rage for tan-colored
gloves.
The obelibk is a novelty in rough
straw hats.
All sleeves are half short and all
gloves very long.
Red abounds in summer dresses, hats
and bonnets.
Box-plaited and shirred corsages grow
in popularity.
The obelisk hat has a tall, tapering
crown and a wide brim.
riain black grenadines, trimmed with
black laces, will be much worn.
Corsage bouquets of pure white
flowers are the fancy of the passing
moment.
There is a decided tendency to make
skirts fuller and their draperies more
bouffant.
The wearing of a frill of lace around
the edge of the brim of hats .and bon
nets is revived.
Obelisk hats are trimmed profusely
around the crown with long, rich, heavy
ostrich plumes.
There is a revival of black and white
striped silks for parts of costumes and
for underskirts.
Fancy bracelets and necklaces and
pins, mounted with insects and odd de
signs, are much worn. , .
Palo tinted mull muslins arens-mneh
worn as white and cream, and make
more dressy toilets.
White jonquils and stock gillyflowers
are Worn for corsage bouquets by ladies
in second or half mourniLg.
New scrap bags are shaped like a
great vase, and trii med with acorns,
bows, and tails of many colors
Tale rose, blue, and cream white sf a
side zephyr clo hs will be ag in us d
for inexpensive and garden-party
dresses.
Chair stripeM, sofa pillows, mantel
lambrequins, and tidies of blue satin,
worked in bright colors in bilk and wool,
suit any kind of furniture.
Decorative needlework designs on
table scarfs, piano covers, curtains, val-a-
ces, tidies and mats i the favorite
fancy wo; k of women of leisure for the
summer.
Fretty and easy fancy work for sum
mer afternoons is that done on linen
doylies or linen or rnomie cloth strips
and squares, in outline designs, stitches
with bright red or black or varicolored
silks.
An eccentric foahiou ia to put white
and blac ostrich plumes on opposite
sides of t e t rim of a black chip hat,
separate i by a bow of white satin over
white Spanish lace, while the brim is
lined with write satin and white Span
ish lace frilled in and held down with a
row of large cut jet beads.
Striped goods are used by the best
dressmakers as trimming rather thin to
form any important part of the dress.
They make the flounces, which are half
concealed by the Greek fret on tho
border of the overekirt, they form tho
plaiting about the neck and sometimes
tbe cuff, but they do not make the dress
too gay.
A Lover of the Period.
It was night in a Walnut street par
lor. Out of doors the wind moaned
and the sleet rattled, but within all
was warmth and cozy comfort. The
crimson upholstery glowed tranquilly
under the soft light of the argand, anil
the flickering rays from - the ruddy
grate shaped many an elfin shadow on
the carpet and in the corners.
Two parties, male and female, were
sitting on one sofa.
The sofa was designed for that num
ber, but to-night there were, accident
ally, on one end of it nine volumes of
an encyclopedia.
Consequently the volumes were some
what pressed for sitting room.
The occupants of the other endof the
sofa were Paul Flump and Miss More
McMinnywink.
Paul was saying: " Miss More, par
don my boldness, but I must speak.
Long ago you must have guessed tho
great feelings which which I feel for
yon. Oh ! cannot you return them
some of them, at least ? I I love you,
I do!"
"Paul," she answered, softly but
firmly; "Paul, you must not talk sol
Forget if, I pray you. We are both
poor, and should have no fine house nor
pretty furniture, nor sweet cairiage, nor
lovely dresses, and and all that. For
give me, Paul, but I must have all these
when I marry, and you cannot furnish
them."
"Yes, I forgive you, I do! Fact
was, I -I was under a false impression:
I or thought yon could supply us all
them ere thing! ! I forgive you I"
Benefit of Quick Work.
The rapid worker has not time to get
disgusted with his work it is out of
his hands long before it grows weari
Roine. Disgust is tho product of dawd
ling effort. If tho work be somewhat
varied, tho pleasure in connection with
its completion is varied too. Hence,
perhaps, tho reason why tho total and
sudden giving up of work is often at
tended with evil results. The transition
from a life full of activity and rich in
the enjoyment of successful labor, to a
life of utter idleness, with no such vivid
enjoyment, has often proved fatal.
There is too little activity iu the new
life, und too little of the pleasure of
activity. Idleness without the excite
ment "and pleasure of work, becomes
depressing. The vital forces droop and
decay. On the other hand, to the busy
worker rest and recreation have a
double relish. No holiday is so re
freshing as that in which he runs away
from his labors, and enjoys himself in
quite a different sense. If his life were
a succession of holidays, it would soon
grow burdenswme.
During the last year the Baptists in
creased 163,521; the Methodists, 52,
620; the Lutherans, 10,223: the Epis
copalians, 20,846; the Presbvteriuns,
16.218. The Baptist gain, therefore,
was nearly double that of the other
four denominations combined. Tho
Methodists, North and South, howeVer,
outnumber the Baptists.
Tellers of exaggerated stories are
known in business circles rs yarn mer-ehtnts.
Voices or the Night.
' It was late last night when you rotiroJ 1"
"Yen, papa," I said, with a yawn
behind my fan, "for Hi horrid man
lie just talked on and 011.
The more I hinted the more lie stayed;
I knew you wero wakeful, too.
And I told him so; hut he would not go
And what could a poor girl do ?'' '
" It was veiy late when yon rotirfl I"
" Yea, papa 1" I frankly said,
"For the man, you hop, just talked tome,
Thongh I yawned till my cyfn wero rod ;
And I wont so. far, whi'n the elo'k struck twelve,
As t0b0nnt the'strokes all through;-..". '
But the etnpid l--he jwt wouldn't eep -
And what could a poor gil do? "
" It was worse than late when you retired I"
" Wh 1 toll you, pa 1" I cried,
" If I hinted once to the tirefiorao diuice,
'Xwas a hundred times besido 1
Why, I oven said you'd hern In bod
For at least five hours I knew;
But ho tipped his chair, and still eat thero-
80 what could a poor girl do ?" .
"Well, the ieemses-gosh I wan von up nil
night r
"Why, papa 1" I humbly plead,
" Don't thunder eo I there's a man below ;
And he's sent you his card, and said
That tho roason why he etayod all night
Wag, that ho wanted to seo yon, too,
That he might ask for the hand I gave
For what could a poor girl do?"
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Out of season An empty spice-box.-
Yawcob Strftuss. .
The retired theater star is always an
ex-acting creature. Boston Transcript.
"Love lightens labor," as the muu
said when he saw his wife doing his
work for him. -
When a man applies for a. situation
aa a policeman it is supposed he has a
taste for a club lifo.
Sore financial distress 'When you
haven't got money enough to buv oint
ment for a wound. New York News.
A canal differs from. most things in
one respect it ia always filled before it
is opened. Syracuse Evening Herald.
Gate posts should bo set out firmly.
A great deal may hinge upon them la
your gills "grow up. New Hacet. lirgis
ter. Borne one has Baid that parks are tie
breathing-places of a city. No one has
said that parks are the sparkiug-places
of a city.
"When yesterday I asked you, love,
one little word to say, your brother in
teirupted us ; ao please eny yes ter day. '
Toronto Grip.
A woman requested her husband not
to associate with a certain man who was
a hard drinker. "Why," he exclaimed,
"he s my boose'm friend."
An Irishman, wh was found guilly
of stealing coffee, v as asked by the mag
istrate what he did with it. "Made toy
with it," was the Hibernian's reply.
An exchange says that '"the coming
girl is to be prettier than the kind we
now have.n Impossible ; there can be
no improvement upon the original arti
cle. Wasn't it rough on Ella, just as she,
TOn tplHncr Vrfx1viclr. n.r. lunch, li.iw
ethereal her appetite was, to have the
1. I. 1 -..111 v
CUUJl UH W 1 ULlfc. t-JU-J, WliA JO UQfO Jfl
pork and beans now, or wait till yer fel
ler's gone?"
"Which side of the street do you live
on, Mrs. Kipple?" asked a counsel,
crosH-examining a witness. "Oh, either
side, sir. If you go one way, it's on the
right side ; if you go the other way, it's '
on the left.
The best runs for poultry are where ,
grass and gravel are plentiful. Grass
runs are of great value where they can
be had, but they must bo large if fowls
have constant access to them or the
grass will soon cease to grow.
A lawyer's brief is very long,
And Mr. W'liiio Is black J
A man is dry when he is gi'en,
Aud when he's tight ho'a slack.
A fire is hot when it is coalod, -"
A lamp U heavy; though it's light ;
A shoe is bought when it is sold,
A man can seo when out of sight.
A London servant girl is represented
as saying : "Hard weather, indeed, sir.
I wish tho Lord would take the weather
in his own hands again, instead of trust
ing it to them Yankee probability men.
Wo might then get something fit to
live in."
A school-teacher, discharged for using
the rod too freely, applied for employ
ment in a dressmaker's establishment.
"Have you had any experience in sew
ing?" asked tho dressmaker. "No," was
tho reply, "but I have a thorough knowl
edge of basting." Soinerrille Journal.
A sleeper is one who sleeps ; a sleeper
is also a place where a sleeper can sleep;
and a (deeper is, too, a thing over which
runs the (deeper in wl-'h the sleeper
(deeps ; ho that the (deeper in the sleeper
sleeps while the sleeper runs ou as well
aa sometimes leaps off the track. Wit
and Wiiriii.
He and she (-at in the jarlor. They
had been s tting there five mortal
hours. He was happy. She was tired.
After a silence of some minutes he
asked if ho might cing. She said he
1 1 mi 1 1 1 v., .' .
inignt. iuen ne mteu up 111a vuiv-f-and
began "Ever of thee I'm fondl
dreamiuyr," and bho forgetfully re I
marked to herself, "Why don't he wake
up and go home." He heard it. IK
waked up. He v ent home. He did not;
return. She now sits up seven nights
in the week with another young man.!
Possibly it is better tnus.
knows ? StsuboniU Htraid,