T ; 1 ; 4 Rates of Advertising. H PUBLISHED HVKflY WEDN l.'SDA. V, BT OFFICE IN BOBINaOJT & BONNER'S BUILDIKO OnSisre (I in-li,;oiiO Insertion - One Niuiire one jnonlli IM One Square " Ono Sqimrn " Two Square, one fii"--t)r('"l. " One " " f hreo months one yo.ir - -year - : : v- - li (ii; 7!) i.'i I '(! ::.) cii , ( i: CO r.LM STREET, T10NE3TA, PA. TEBM3, 1.63 IE All. No Subscriptions received for a shorter period tlmn three- months. 0'M-roii!ilpurn solicited trnin all part ri th() country. No notice will bo taken of nnonymous communication. I.. al Holier At established vaiew. 1 to'irriaito anil dentil notices, pmUM. All bills for yearly iilverti?einr!itM ',.'. looted fU!rter)y. 'Iiiiionry nlvcrt! xnentM iiitit lo ji.tbl for in ndvinee. Job work. Cali on Delivery. VOL. XIV. NO. 2. TIONESTA, PA., APElL G, 1881. $1.50 Per Annum. f C 0 1 1509 MED n... :)!. - wit a iriiiiiun OF cProI.Cui!n!e!(e's t CRUNCH yBJneyPato Have alreadr been old la this Cl" .? country ana in every Hi one ol which la given periect atislnctinri ami Im nerlormed cures ever time when usea ac cording, todirco- U P9 Mf to the affitnfjul .n1 4rinhfincv nnu mat we will jiny the atiove row ard (or a inula eno ol LAJSrK BACK That the Pad laili to ohm. This Greut Bom. edy will positively and permanently enro L.UID1HRO. ldh unvtc, .HrmtioH, Untvol, I)' betes, Dtop.y UriKht' VifCion ol tho KmU n-y, Incon innnce and etntion of the Urine, nil 'inmntion ol llm Kidney, OVarr'i ol "rj HI older, Hiuh Colored Urine, l.in in ine Fck, Side or Lin, Nervou- Wonkncn, and in iRot all dmonle.'s tne Bladder and Ui inxry OrRann, wliethor coutraoteiLJy ii Tate d nase or otherwiao. L DIUS, 11 yon are auCT. ring from Femnln weak i eg. Lenoorrbra, or anv dis. ftoot thu Kidneys, Hladder or Urinary Omana, . YOU CAN BE CURED! Without twallowin nanaeona mudiolnet, by .imply wearing PFOF. CJUII.MKTTE'S FRENCH KIDNEY PAD, WHICH CUR IS BY AIISOHPTIOW. Ak yonr drnKidt for 1'iot. Gnihnetto'a French Kidney Pad. and take no n'her. II be ha not ot it, Mnd ffi and you will rtoeive the Pad by retoi-n mail. TmaTtliOIRAU f bom mi rsorLi. Jn!ge Bnobanaa. lawyer, Toledo, 0 aayi: On ot Proi. Ouilmetie' French Kid- oy Pad cured ne ol Lumbago In three wettkn' titne. My m bad been fciven lip by lite heaj doctor at insurable. IurinK all thi Hum X mffnred antold Kay ad xii i out large uuih of money.'' . Goree Tetter, I. y., Toledo. O., aayai I offered tor three yean with Soiatioa and Ki''. ney Dbeam, ao4 ottm had to go about on Ci-uUJhea. 1 was entirely and permanentlj ' cnredatMrwawrbn Prol. Ouilnaette a French Ki iney Pad taut week." - 8q ilre li. O. Soott, Bylranla, O., write: " I hT bee a (rreat iufferer lor It years -jMh KrlRht' OioenM ot the Kidney. For i' . ltl wm nnb! 10 gat out ot Vd; "look barrel 4 metllciDO. but they cave m only temporary relief. I wore two of Prol. GuiiuieU'' Kidney Pad ix week, and 1 now know 1 am enti elv onred." Mr Hlnn Jerome, Toledo, O., atysi "For yeairr I have been confined, a irraat past ol the tm to any bed with Leuoorrhea lJ Femalu Wet aeaa. 1 wore one ol Uuilmette Kidney f. and wa eured in one month. ' H. B. Ureen. WholeHale Orooer. Flndlav Ot, write: u I uilere'l 24 year with lame liaok and In three week waa permanently imired by wearing one ot Prot Ouilzcelte Kidney PHd." B. F Keeahnc, M. D . Drueirist. Lomna. (port, lad., when nilin in an order lor Kid- ueyPal, wri t: I wore one of the first ouua we had and I received m re benefit Irom lit thna anyitunK I ever uaad; in tact the Pads Rive bet'er geneial aatntaolion than any Kid ney rt-uiedy we ever aold. ' Itav A 4lioeintktr. DrnCLfinta. HflnniKil. Mo. i " We are work nn up a lively trade hi ivour Pad, and are hearing of good reaulu Ijoiu tiioiu every 'lay. ' ForaleryU W 110 V A HP. Tioneata, Pa, CENTS, POSTPAID TREATISE on Tut uoiun AKU HBS DISEASES. ;iitnlnli(X n Iiwlo of Dla. eaao,whloh lvc tlxe My in -tom, nikd tlie JtMt Truutmvnt of onoh, A. Tnble lil vli nil the irinlittl lrm; Hod for tl lloi. vrltU tlto oi'dliiury do.o, afftctm, atnd antldota t1ioi a poison. A. Toblo vltli an 1 ".iiuruvlnix of the IIoi'mo'x IV.olli at lJfl'or out uts3 -wltU )tulo for tell incr tlio uffe. A. vuluablo ool leotlnn of Jloelite and mtioli otlier valnullo 1 J for mat 1 n. 10B-FACB SOKE: tent pot aid to i n v ad dresslntlte I'ult-'! Ntaten or Cnadui-or QOCEWTS. OLOli RATES: FIvoCopos - Ton Cop Twenty Cv,Ijm One Mur..i c-o Oaplt iioo 1.78 3.00 IO.00 I'o ta.e S'amp received. K. Y. HE-7SP1FEB BKIOH, iRn wmth St.. n. y. It f'" L W no ' 1 J V . c m w My Righto, Tea, God ba mado mo a woman, And I am content to ho Just what He meant, not reaching out For other things, since lie Who know mo beat and loves me most has "r derod this for me. A woman, to live my life out In quiet womanly wajs, Hearing the far-off battle, Seeing as through a haze The crowding, struggling world of men fight through their busy days. I am not strong nor valiant, I would not join the fight Or jostle with crowds in the highway To sully my garment white; . But I have rights as a woman, and here I claim my right. The right of a rose to bloom In it own sweet, separata way, With none to quettion the perfumed pink And not to utter a nay If it reaches a root or points t thorn, as even a roue tree may. Tho right of tho lady-birch to grow, To grow a tho Lord ahall please, By never a sturdy oak rebuked, Dcniod nor sun nor breeze, For all ite pliant tlenderneaa, kin to the stronger tree. Tho right to a life of my own Not merely a casual bit Of nomkbody else' life, fliuig out That taking hold of it, I may stand a a cipher doe after a nr. mora writ. Tho right to gather and gleau What food I need and can From the gamored store of knowledge Which man has heaped for man. Taking with free hand freely and after an ordered plan. . The right ah, best and sweeteist f To stand all dismayed Whonevor sorrow or want of sin Call for a woman' aid. With none to cavil or question, by never a look gainsaid. I do not auk for a ballot ; Though very life were at stake, I would beg for the nobler justice That men for manhood' sake Should give uuorudiiinirlv. nor withnld till T ruuat fight and take. Tho flout foot and the feeble foot Both souk tho self-same goal, Tho weakest soldier's name is writ On tho great annv-rolL And God, who mado man's body strong, made too tno woman s soul. Susan Coolidge. LOLA. TUB BTOEY OF AN OCEAN VOTAOE. I was liomevrard-bound from one of my various excursions across the ocean, by which I had for many years becrniled the tedium of my monotonous bachelor existence, and having settled my belong ings in my stateroom, I turned out to take a survey of my fellow-passengers. It was autumn and the last of the summer tour ists were returnincr. and both mlnr,n and decks were crowded with animated groups. Every one eeemed cheerful an gay, and already several embrvo flirla tions could be detected among the younp people, of whom the passencers wm-l largely composed. Being an outside myself, traveling alone, and having left sucn tenucr pursuits tur oack m th i vaemeness of tho mist. T nnmsoil mvooif with merely watching and listening, am is is pernaps noi surprising tliat 1 soon found mvself wearid. It vena 1tw 1,. most part such senseless chatter, such arrant frivolity that I heard, such con scions posing and airy fluttering that 1 saw. Of course after a while I found ex ceptions to this tendency, but the quiet and sensible people on board, as usual, occupied the background. Failing to find myself interested then in theso surroundings, I began a leis urely inspection of the vessel, wandering about its nooks and crannies, and famil iarizing myself with my little island home. And so strolling along, I came upon a small, quiet, gray-clad figure seated alone and looking wistfully over the waters. As she was quite unconscious of my proximity, I stepped a few paces off and examined her closely. She looked almost a child, so small and slight she was, and yet one would not have dared to treat her as a child. There was a self reliance and serenity about her entirely unehildlike, but, all the same, very pretty to see. Her complt xion was dark and very rich, and her cheeks charm ingly rounded and curved, and her eyes, turned seaward, were the largest and darkest I ever remembered to have seen. Indeed, so uncom mon was their size that, when some sound aroused her and she1 turned them slowly on me, I was dazzled by them they gave her face such a btrange aspect, pjid yet it waa a peculiarity far from being unlovely. She was Spanish I had seen that at a glance and the mute, uncertain way in which she looked at me prompted the conviction that she felt herself, even at the outset of this voyage, hampered by the fact that she knew no other tongue. After that one long, steady glance, she turned her face away again and I heard her sigh gently. After a moment's hesitation I moved just a step nearer and addressed her in her ! own language, asking if it was her first ! voyage. , She turned with a swift impulsive smue ana looKea at me again. The great eyes were raJiart with pleasure, and, with an exquisite utterance that made niv . t. i i . . . own npunihii seem a riarsn broinie, bhe anowcrfcd fearlessly and naturally that die was going to America for tho first time, anu, liiueou, was lor tne first time at sea. "Yon will be seasick almost certainly. then, I said. "Are you prepared for i lux. i ; "Oh, yes," she answered. "I have hoped that perhaps I might not bo, but I amprepared for anything." There was a patient resolution in her A A 1 a. i . tunes mai piqueu my curiosity, espe cially as she presently informed me she was all alone and going simply under the captain's care. She was full of joy at uicKiiug some ono wno spoko nor lan CTacre. and constantly interminrrWI n-Uh her talk little ejaculatory expressions of maims, wnicn seemed to nave no application beside the general one oi my Knowing Spanish. V hen the bell sounded for dinner, I iook ner down. iUy arm, which was rather timidly offered, beincr nromntlv and gratefully accepted. After that I usea to Beek her always before meals and take iier in with me, and once, when something detained me and I was a little jute, x lounu uer waning ior me. I think thepeoplo of the vessel tlmno-f. t W were companions from the start, and some "jo aiiuuou to uer once as my daughter, und althoncrh I hastily rinrrnnt.n1 thi a T willingly let it be supposed that she was imyeiuiK uncier my care, in the sim plest and most natural fashion she learned to defer tn ma . , avwu VA AAA J1 decisions, and, by-and-bye, to confide in It was one eveninor that bnVI luun sitting together a long time, idly talking uuuut me weainer ana the ship, and wondering how long we should have it so fair, when she turned to me, in her sott bpanisli speech, that loses so incal culably by translation, and said : " I want you to tell me about yotir people and your home." I felt as if her little, soft, plump hand badgealt a blow upon my bare heart; but i answered, simply: " I have no home, and my people are all dead or cone from me tbnt. io yv parents and sisters and brothers, for I never hall a wife or a child, which is what you meant, perhaps." " Yes ; I meant that. It is so sad. I thought, perhaps, you might have a daughter like me, and that made you so kind." " No, I have no daughter," I said slowly; "though I am, in truth, old enough to be your father." " And you have neveY loved anyone never wanted to be married to some one who was good and beautiful and kind? How strange I " These questions were scarcely marked by any interrogative accent. She seemed to be merely stating them as facts, with a gentle reluctance. But, though she expected no answer from me, I was irre sistibly prompted to confession. "Yes, Lola," I said, "I knew some one like that once, and I loved her. But it was long ago, and we were parted." "Oh, why did you pail?" she said, passionately. " Why did you suffer any thing to part you ? Was she not willing to give up all, to leave home and friends and country and everything to follow love, as I have done ?" Urged on by a deep excitement, she had revealed her secret, and I half feared she would repent and try to retract it, but she did not. She seemed either to be unconscious that anything had been divulged, or unconscious of the fact that I had not known it all the time. "You do well," I said, fervently. "It is worth the. sacrifice. God grant you do not repent it." " I have no fear," she said, confidently. " Fear could not live in my heart, which holds a perfect love." Then, so simply and naturally, she told me her story. She had become en gaged to a young American sent out to Spain as agent for some New York busi ness firm, and he had gone home a few months ago, expecting to return; but his superiors had made other arrange ments, and he had written that although he would bo stationary in New York thereafter, he was coming back to marry her and bring her to her home in the new world. At the time set for his ar rival, however, he had sent a letter in stead, saying an attack of illness pre vented his coming, but he was now con valescent, though the physicians said he must not take the voyage for some time. "When I got that letter," said Lola, "I could do nothing but cry and fret for the first two or three days. I did not eat or sleep, and my aunt, whom I lived with, said I would die, and was very hard and cross. I was utterly wretched, until one night as I lay thinking it all over I resolved that I would go to him. lie had once, half-hesitatingly, suggested it, saying it would save so much expense, ind he is not at all well off; but it had frightened me 60 that he gave it up, say ing he would spend all he had, sooner than give me the anxiety and trouble of such a voyage. But now now that he was ill and alone I could think no longer of my dread ; indeed, it was gone, and all I thought of was to go to him, and comfort and nurse and take care of him. So I got my aunt's consent, though she would not give it at first, and I took the very next steamer. And see how easy and pleasant it has been I He need not have been afraid for me; but, then, he could not know, and neither could I. that I should find you !" Her ardent tone and look, as she said these last words, thrilled me strangely. It was a spontaneous, affectionate out burst that pained while it caressed me. And beside my own personal feeling, a dreadful misgiving about her weighed on my heart. She was so confidunt, so full of trust what if she should bo do- ceived in this man ? What if the attack cf illness were a mere subterfuge? Such i mugs naa oeen. i turned cold and thi.n I hot at the mere euggotstion. I afcked her lover's name, but it was unknown to me, though the name of tho houso he repre sented was familiar. But that went for nothing as to the man's personal charac ter, and the fear that this might bo treacherous made me sick with dread. What would be tho end, if my" appre hensions proved correct? What would become of the poor child? A wild thought suggested itself. It was a strange mixture of deep pity for her and deep joy, tempered with pain and yet sweet with hope, for myself At last the voyage was over, and tho realization of this fact made me unac countably sad. For Lola was dearer to me every day. In her little attacks of illness, which she had not altogether escaped, I had carried her about in my arms, like a child, and she had leaned on me and looked up to me with a child ish confidence and trust that was un speakably sweet to the lonelr old bachelor whose attitude toward this youngr trirl had seemed tn tnnrh him and world-weariness with a mncric wand . 1. 1 1 1 T . 11 - . . . wan uau niaae mem arop irom him like a garment. Lola and I stood tocnthpr nn rlantr oil our bags and parcels strapped and ready iui muvuig. ue naa not tola her lover she was coming, and of course he would not meet her. I reproached her for not havincr telecranhpd. fli luctance to go and hunt him up; but sho answered simply that she could not af ford it. All her monevwas rpnuirml 4V.- the voyage, and, " Besides," she added, quickly, blushing like a rose, "I wanted to give him the joy of the surprise." "And if." I snid. rplnpnntlir uitha should not be here, or anvthine. linvo you not money to return ?' " But he i3 bound to be here; nothing like that could happen. And ii he were away I should wait till he returned. I hftVA Tin m nn ott in rrn hr.m 4 T -.1 1 1 uvu . &v Uvliiv XX A ESXIUILIU want to, but there's not much duivrer of niv wanting. Heavens 1 what trust, what exquisite feeling, what beautiful belief in love ! 3 1. . . 1 .11 aim ii ne snouia prove unworthy I When we stepped ashore. Lola mid T got into a carriage, which I ordered to take us to a hotel. She let mo arrange evervthintr iust ns I clmne nml a.-a agreed to go together to the hotel, and then Jl was to find her lover and send him to her. I saw her safelv seated in lr i;tin parlor, and then, as it was early morning, x oiueieu a uainry DreaKiast there and we ate it tete-a-tete. I don't think either had much appetite, though I taxed mv wits to the uttermost on the menu and had even given a lavish order for flowers. I tried to think of evervth could give her pleasure, for I felt almost certain of a imnendino- calamity and I .looked again aril again into her sweet face trying to fix its look of happiness in my mind. And she was happy ! Her vcice was joy ous as a laik's and her face as radiant as dav. I would fain lmv lincrrnd .v'hil. to bask in this bright sunshine, but she was ievensniy impatient and eager that I should be gone. I think she grudged me the boon of seeing him first, for she made me promise that I would not tell him of her presence, but bring him back with me under some nvpffwr. if T Wi him well, and return and take her to Mr ii ne was m. in either event, sho hnd settled it in her mind f lint, their - - ""J vig LVy be married that very day. When I was ready to go I went up to her and took her hands in mine. "Loin." I said, "whatever lies before you, whether joy or sorrow, remember "that you have me always for your friend. You must relv irnon mo n vrm vrmiil n.. your" I paused and then said "father." It was an effort, but I forced mvself tn say it. Then, before leaving, I stooped anil kissed her sweet lios. It was tha first time and would nrobablv b tbA lnt and I valued it as people do value what can come to mem out once. When I reached theliniiRo tbao.l.iou. "-f --v wuui cur) of which Lola had given me, I inquired for her lover he was gone. The woman who kept the house could give no infor mation except that she thought he had gone West. I was unfeignedly distressed. In that moment I roso above self and thnnrrht only of Lola. How bhall I d'escribo the scene that followed my announcement to the little creature? The heart -ren diner grief, tho wild denial of her lover's faithlessness! She utterly refused to believe it. She would fur tnnnnr i said, think that he was dead. After her lirst outburst of passionate grief was over, 6he calmed herself and said, stand ing up: " I must go awav; I must not stay here. The sight of her agony almost killed me. "Oh, Lola," I said, "where?" She flunor herself back fin t f I f Innniya with a motion of utter despair. I went to her and threw myself on my knees beside her and folded both her tremb ling hands in mine. " Lola, be brave," I said. "Face the worst. It is a bitter thincr tosnv. Imt. T believe he is false to vou. I beiinvA th illness was a feint, and I believ Iia i willfully lost to you. My little darling, it is hard I know, bnt nntsn bod Bu;f .i had married him and found it out after- wara. lint do not despair. I will not leave vou. and vou shall tell mAinutnJmt you would have me do. I will take you tiacic to bpam if you want to go." " I Cannot 1 I could not inr it I An A I have no money." "Never mind that " I said. "I have plenty, mor far more than I want. I would give my life to comfort you. I will go now, if you say so, and take pas sage on the next returning ship." " I could not bear it. I never will go back," sho said ; "no one loves me there. I am only a unless little burden. I never will go back 1" "Then stay," I Mid, passionately " stay with mo. Let me love and com fort you. Stay with nie alwavs, Lola. No ono can love you as I will." At first I think she did not understand my meaning, bnt when she did r.ho wrenched her hand from mine and sprang to the middle of the room. "How can you? How can von be so cruel ?" she said. " I)0 vou think I could ever love any one else afUr having given my love to him ?t No; I have loved him only I have given him all my love wid worthy or unworthy, he has it still." " Lola, my little child," I said, " vou must face the truth. You cannot iive in this utrange country all alone. Yon have neither friends nor money. Yon cannot work, and if you could you must not be alone. I cannot help yon and maintain you unless you take my name and occupy the honorable position of my wife. But I will not force it on ton. For the present I will find some safe r'lace to put yon in, and we will see what can be done. At all events, whether yon can love me or not, I love you and will always love you." "Do you love m?" she said, facing me and upeaking with eager vehemence. " Oh, I do, I do !" Iaaid. " Then find him for me f I could not speak at once. For one moment a wild nope had budded in my breast, and it would not die without a struggle. Then I looked at her and said, calmly: " I will try. I will do my utmost. I will give it my most conscientioua ef forts. But, Lola, if I fail t " "If you fail to find him," the said, " or if you find him to be false, then I will give you the reward you wiah. I will marrv vou." f It was not a rapturous consent, but I found a wonderful satisfaction in it, despite my fond sympathy for her. I Was not beinor selfislllv linnnvnt her at. pense, for, on my own part, I entirely iieiieveu in ner lover s treacherousness, though there was nothing that could go for real proof. It was a foregone con clusion with me, and it was, therefore, oniy us issue l rejoiced at. In mv nresent stnto of fnAlinrr woo f v v V.Ulg . ' U H easy to fall into hopeful dreams of tho xuiure ; it was impossible not to. And now, as she sat meekly on the sofa, after all her passionate struggles were over, I felt convinced that, if I could win her hand in the way we had agreed upon, I could also, with time, win her pure heart for my own. It was a glorious goal. Something to live for, something to work and struggle for. My life and utmost energies had found the incentive they had lacked so loner. Wo fell now into a. mmnncbl nrwl quiet talk, and she listened patiently wune x unioiaea my plans lor her. JJut there rested on her lovely face such a look of unutterable sorrow that. T bnd tn turn my eyes awav. How blessed it 1 1 i l 1 1 ..... wuum ue to smooin away mis look to recall the crav vivaeitv of mv own Vir.;rM Lola ! What a happy task ! In spite of an, i ieit a snouia succeed. A long silence had fallen upon us 1 i.t nil uom. xne room was warm, and I had set open the door leading into the hall. I was glad of an excuse to do so, as it took away some of the air of privacy wnicu x ieareu sue mignt nna irksome. She did not seem to notice my action, but sat facinc? the d eyes resting on the little hands clasped in uer lap. ATesentiy a footstep was heard coming along the hall, and she listlessly looked up. As she did so, the light of a great, ecstatic joy rushed over her face. She sprang to her feet, with the glad cry: ' Richard I" and flung herself into his arms. He clasped her tight to his heart, and drew her into the room. Was he true or false ? I knew that I need only see his face to tell. In that moment of extreme excitement he would forget to don his mask. He stooned olmvn h and covered her neck and face with kisses. Iheu, after that moment's rap ture, he looked at me. Tfc xn u. n,il,l face honest, manly and kind. a ought to have been glad, but I heard myself groan. I wonld lin.vA lpft tliA detained me, telling her lover in en- At.-- A A . 1 . luuniastio terms now mna 1 had been, and begging him to thank me, whiehLn did in such terms as only a good alia honorable man could have used. I had to listen, too, to his explanation. He had, indeed, gone West, having accepted a promising appointment which would give him permanent and remunerative employment. Having settled matters there, he had obtained leave, and was now on his way to Spain and Lola. It was all as clear as day. That very evening they were married. I was the only witness besides the cler gyman, and I never will forget tho radi ance of her face as I watched it during tho service. I rather feared her joy might be dimmed by some remember ing thought of me, but it was not so. I don't think she ever comprehended my feeling for her, and, of course, it pleased her to fancy now that it had been chiefly pity for her loneliness. The service ended, there remained nothing but to take Lola to a jeweler's 6hop near-by and let her choose a pres ent from me, which she munificently paid for with a kiss. It was, indeed, the last ! "Do you realize it, Angelica," whispered Clarence to his betrothed ; " only two weeks more and we will be one ; but, remember, darling, I am to be that one." And then the angelio creature silently stole to the piano and touchingly warbled: "Oh, to be Nothing 1'; He who can plant courage in the hu man soul is the best pbybician. Hoe Out Yonr Row. One day a lazy farmer boy Was hoeing out the corn. And moodily had listened long To hrar tho dinner linrn. The welcome bins! was heard at lawt, And down ho dropped his hoe; Hut the good mna shouted in hi ear: " My liny, hoe out your row." Although a " hard ono " was the row, To turn a plowman's phrase, And the lad, as sailors havit, Beginning well to "haze," " I can," ho said, anil manfully He seized again his hoe Anil the good man smilod to see Tli boy "hoe out lus row." The lad the text remembered long, And proved the moral well, That persereranee to the end At lust will nobly tell. Tak eonrago, man ! resol yon an, And strike a vigorous blow; In life's great field of varied toil, Alwaw "bo ont yonr row." HUMOR OF THE DAY. . A man born ut sea cannot be proud of his native land. The business of this world is steered by the tillers of the soil. Three period of life : Youth mumps ; middle age, bumps ; old age, dumps. A sick man is considered out of danger when the doctor discontinues his visits. A lady friend says that bachelors are like a batch of biscuits, good enough after they are mixed. The ordinary life of a locomotive is thirty years. Possibly it would live longer if it didn't smoke. Young people are always ready to adoptr the "latest wrinkle." It is the fiist wrinkle that they object to. Boston Transcript. Cen. Clingman, of North Carolina, says living is so cheap in that state that it is piore economical to feed a man thon to bury him. " It is harder to get ahead in this world," said Clorinda's young man, as her father assisted him out of the door with his boot, " than it is to get a foot." " Don't you think," said a husband, mildly rebuking his wife, " that women ore possessed by Satan?" "Yes, as soon as they are married," was the quick reply. Gladstone goes to church with a pin holding his shirt cuffs together in place of a button, but if all waited for buttons there would be no sermons. Hang a statesman who can't make a shingle nail answei for a suspender button. Dchoil br:e Fr ess. The Life of an Actress. Mr. Labouchore recently said ia an article in Truth on the London stage : Actresses live in q world of tlieir own. They generally exaggerate every senti- ment. Their real life-is tinged with their theatrical life, and high-wrought melodrama becomes a second nature to them. Few of them have a perfectly sane notion of existence ; they exist in. the feeling of, the moment. They fro generally incapable of taking an inter est in the ordinary occupations of their sex ; at ono moment they are in the wildest spirits, at another in the depth of despair, and those with whom they come in contact are alternately either melodramatic villains phottinff their destruction, or angelic beings that have no existence out of plays. If they are asked why they love or'hate, they liuiist , that they are endowed vith a peculiar instinct, and this instinct they exalt as something far superior to practical in telligence, and glory in being its sub missive slaves. There are certain qual ities which go to make an actreos, and most of them go to mako a lunatic. All actresses are, of course, not neces sarily mad, but if I were on a jnry im panoled to try an actress for murder. I should approach the inquiry with the reeling that nature haa probably not been lavish to her in that harmony of intellectual powers which produce moral responsibility. "Diamond Cut Diamond." Crossing the Kocky mountains once, says a correspondent, I saw an amusing illustration of tho hardnens of corundum. A traveling peddler undertook in the c an to sell a lurgo "diamond" ring to a miner who had mado his pile. "Humph," said the miner, after critically examining tho ring, "they've got common stone up in tho diggings where I've Ik i ii that'll cut that diamond all to pieces!" "If you'll find a piece of stouo that will cut that diamond I'll give it to vou," re plied the jHHldler. "All right, ' said the miner, "if I can't cut thut diamond ' with a stone I'll buy it of yon." Ther ujion tho miner took tho ring in his hand and pulled from Lis vest pocket a small piece of browu-lotiking utone, similar to a bit of dark free-stone, except that tho grain was ery line, and with this ho proceeded coolly to cut and scratch that "diamond" with eirul ugly-looking gashes. A group of pas sengers that hud gathered about tht miner were amazed, but while thev snickered thepeddlerwith his "diamond"" withdrew discomfited. " TUt little) pioce of brown stone, " expkincd ti miner, "isapieco of corundum tht I got in the Ivocky mountains, and l? s t! bebt diamond tester in tho woil.i. won't scar a genuin diamond, I will everlastingly cut up a piivc . or quartz."