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VOL. XII. NO. 47. TIONESTA, PA., FEB. 11, 1880.
$1.50 Per Annum,
tf
u ill nn
Astray.
1 traveled a lorbiddon ro'iil,
Which flrhbnpponri'd bo flowory lair
That onward eagerly I strode
Till to my horror and despair
All buds and blossoms blooming there,
All tend-ir boughs and twigi ol grcon
Stood charged to burrs and nettles keen,
Whoso Bngvy points my garments tore,
And pricked my hands till they were soro.
Hewildored at the wondrous change,
That should have warned me from the plnco,
I leapt my oourse with swifter pace,
And saw a marvel slill more strange;
For oruol flints sprang thro' the ground .
To meet my lout nt every bound,
With gash on giixh that made thorn blood.
Then timo it was that I should hood!
JiihI at tho moment of my .need,
A shining innu stood at my i!o
Whose hiMer ft;il on all aiound,
And spread a glory lar and wido!
" And who art thou ?" 1 trembling cried.
" ive ear," said ho, ' to what I say j
I am the guide ol all who stray,
To point them back to virtue's path,
The guardian ol thy erring way;
And, stp by step in love, not wrath
Those angry flints and briors I strew,
To warm thy loet from wandering so."
I knelt and kibsed the garment's hem,
And oried, " Oh, angel, sent from heaven!
Make sharper yet each thorny stom!
Increase tho fliuta to teveu timos seven!
Fulfill thy purpose in my pain
I will euduro and not complain!"
He fled, and I, with deep remorse,
Turned back from my forbidden coiu-ite
Hut, Oh, bow many wuary hours
1 traveled o'er those blighted bowers,
ItoMootnttd with all their former flowers.
Thtodort Tilton.
JAKE MUGGINS' COURTSHIP.
"Whew, but it's hot!" ejaculated
Jacob Muggins as he threw down the
turnip ho and commenced mopping
his face with it huge bandana handker
chief, onecultry day in early autumn.
' I do WHh uii.-t patch of turnips wa
dug an ' H ifely boused in the old gntn
m v.' Iiecont tiued. gazing around upon
the i m ineii-e piles t.ureen topped veg
etables. orcw that the weather wouio
cool down o thai a jellow could get
sonvihiii done iu a day. Here I've
been urd at rfork all day, and am not
lutlf through with my job yet; and
what's more, it will take mo 'till plumb
noon tomorrow to finish if I keep on
this way." And with this muttered
S tliloquy Jake resumed his hoe, com
menced digging vigorously that one
might suppose he stood in dread of be
ing called a sluggard if he failed to per
form two day's work during one revo
lution of the diurnal axis.
The truth was, however, he had al
ready accomplished a good day's work,
although it was not more than three
o'clock in the afternoon, and the
shadows of the trees in the grove hard
by had not yet taken that long, peculiar
slant which marks the declination of
the sun to the western horizon.
Jacob Muggins was a tall, brawny
son of the soil, with hands and feet just
a little too large to be termed classic,
and a handsome, though sunburned
countenance which could assume a
very comical expression when its mas
ter willed. To-day he was arrayed in
a coarse homespun garb of pale, richly
colored blue, with rough cowhide
shoes and a broad palm-leaf hat. around
the crown of which was. tied a bright
green ribbon tied there by two fairy
hands that Jake would have given
worlds to call his own.
How Jacob ever came to fall in love
with Jenny Weatherbv. the woalthv
squire's pretty daughter, Jacob did not
know. Hut the thing had been done,
and although Jenny had done nothing
to discourage his shy approaches, lie
had n?ver summoned suilicient resolu
tion to mvko a proposal for her hand.
On several occasions he had, as he
thought, scraped up his courage to the
sticking point.but, each tinn, upon bring
ushered into the presence of the lair
charmer, his resolution cave way liter
ally, as lie afterward expressed it,
" eked out at his fingers ends," so that
he could onty stammer a few common
place remarks concerning the weather
and crops.
Worse than all, a certain dashing
young cousin of tho Weathcrby's had
been down from the city the past few
weeks, and had been making himself
quite plentiful about the squire's, walk
ing, rowing and lishing with Jenny
almost every day, while he was com
pelled to be at work in the field. This
was gall and wormwood to poor Jacob,
not because he minded the work, but,
inasmuch as his rival was of clever ad
dress and polished manner, he stood in
great danger of being displaced in the
affection of Jenny, by the fascinating
allurements of the city fop, and in con
sideration of this impending calamity,
Jacob determined to press his suit upon
the very first opportunity.
Financially, Jako was quite prepared
to enter into a state of matrimony.
His motto had always been, "work
and win," and, in consequence of strictly
adhering to this rule of honesty, he had
by diligence and industry accumulated
the sum of five hundred dollars, earned
by teaching the village school winters
and working on tho farm summers.
The possession of this sum verv
naturally elevated hini in the opinion of
tne country loiks, who looked upon
him as a capitalist, and of course he was
considered: quite a catch by the match'
making mammas of the district
Already ho had begun to look around
in search of a suitable investment for
his money, and he decided in favor of a
little, white cottage situated in the val
ley, over whose low, thatched roof the
woodbine and morn in ir irloriea o-reiv in
profusion. This could be had for the live
hundred and the marriage portion which
Jenny would receive from her lather,
would be sufficient to purchase a small
farm adjoining the cottage, which would
enable them to commence life in quite
comfortable circumstances.
But, as has been before stated, the
great difficulty with Jacob was to con
quer his untoward bashfulness, which
he termed hereditary, and secure the
wished-for promise; in consequence of
which failing he was placed in quite a
quandary.
" Whew, but it's hot!" and again Jake
threw down his hoo, and commenced
mopping his face with the red handker
chief. "I would give anything for a good
cool draught from the spring, and a
pocket full of the squire's best apples,"
he soliloquized, glancing wistfully in
the direction of the orchard, bent down
with its load of ripe red and yellow fruit,
"and as the distance is not far, I be
lieve I'll run over for a few moments,
anyhow." And with this he started off,
and having allayed his thirst at the
spring which bubbled out below the or
chard, he mounted the fence and betook
himself of the favorite family tree, whose
huge gnarled trunk supported a leafy
caronet of interlacing limbs and
brandies, so dense as to preclude all
possibility of the sun's rays penetrat
ing through tliem.
Into this delightful shade Jake threw
himself, and for a moment forgot his
toils and troubles. The sky was so
light, tho grass so green, the luscious
fruit and gay flowers so fragrant that he
could not help but feel their benignant
influence. Thedulldroaningof a beetle
and the hoarse cawing of some crows in
a distant cornfield, mingled with the
ripple of the water over the stones by the
roadside, lent enchantment to the scene;
and poor Jake could not help but think
how Bweet life must bo to those who
have nothing to do but while away their
time in pleasant places, in the shadow
of green trees and overhanging boughs.
Thus he mused, helping himself to tho
fruit in the meantime, until, before he
was conscious of the fact, he had fallen
off into a light doze from which he was
suddenly awakened by hearing voices
approaching from the direction of the
house. In an instant he was on his feet,
and peering through between the trees
who should he see but Jenny and Mr.
Eldridge, the dandified city cousin,
leisurely approaching tho tree under
.v 1 1 ich he stood.
Here was a dilemma, Indeed, to be
oaught trespassing would be disgrace
ul in tho extreme, and besides Jake
could not bear the thought of facing
his lady-love in his old, faded, home
spun frock, especially before the critical
eyes of Mr. Eldridge.
What was to be done f Feramoment
a wild thought of flight took possession
of him, but he immediately realized
that should he adopt that mode of escape
his discovery would be certain, inas
much its they were already nearly upon
him. Poor Jake was all in a tremble.
What could bedoneP If ho could enly
find a safe place in which to hide until
they should pass by I He glanced
around, nervously.but nothing presented
itself that could afford him a secretins
place. The voices approached nearer";
something must be done, quick! lie
cast his eye up into the tree, and won
dered if its thick branches and dense
foliage would not protect him from the
eyes of it casual observer. Yes, he would
try it at any rate; better avail himself
of their proffered covert than be found
standing there like a trembling culprit.
And without taking a second thought !
Jake scrambled up the tree, and stowed
himself away lu the remotest part, amid
a thick cluster of green boughs.
A moment after he regretted the act,
for he realized that should he be discov
ered in his present position, his situation
would be even more ridiculous than be
fore. -But it was now too late to indulge in
vain rn frpt a nr rnthm tn nmr 1 . , . f
altering his situation, for Jenny and her
escort now uuvar-ceu to tne tree, and to
Jake's intense chagrin and mortification.
seatea tnemseives airectiy under the
spot where he was concealed.
" A nret.rv r.ifklo voiiVa inin .Tulr o
Mil croons " lmittererf .l.nnVi aa wit).
flushed face he viewed the couple be
low, ana wonaerea u tney couldn't
hear his heart beat; for it was bounc
ing so convulsively that he was fearful
lest it should knock all the apples from
off the limb upon which he sat.
And then he thought what a beauty
.Tennv wna n. aha cut. t li n-i nrtfK lr..
dark liair gathered into a graceful coil,
her sweet, expressive eyes containing
such a depth of tenderness, and cheeks
Uke pink rose-buds, and wondered if it
were possible for such a fairy creature
to ever think of loving a great, ungainly,
awkward tfliap like himself.
in tne meantime jenny and Mr. El
dridge were enjoying themselves be
peath, little dreaming of the close prox
imity of a third nartv. Mr. F.ldHlo-
had opened and commenced reading
from a small volume of Tennvson.
which Jacob recognized from the bind
ing.
After some time had been consumed
in this way the two proceeded to par
take of the fruit with which the ground
was strewir; conversing meanwhile and
amusing themselves by spelling out
the supposed name of each one's lover
upon the seeds of the respective apples
of each.
T5v nomfl'BtmtiJfl nerohnnnn Afr Fl-
drldge caused the seeds from Jenny's
apple to 6pell tho name of Jacob Mug
gins himself, almost every time. Thii
is
seemed to afford the city cousin great
pleasure, ior ce jaugnea incessantly ,and
asked Jenny if she ever hoped to be
able to capture such a shy creature as
Jacob Muggins .
Althrtnun Mr F.ldrido'A nra vaot.
much amused over the coincidence of
the seeds, jenny seemed to look upon
the matter quite seriously, and when her
cousin jokingly inquired if she did
really love this faint-hearted country
man, she replied with a defiant toes of
the head and a perceptible deepening of
the rose-tint on her cheeks, that she
" liked him quite as well as any of her
oincr acquaintances:"
And poor Jake, who can describe his
feelings upon hearing this frank avowal?
For if ins face had been red before, it
was now almost purple in hue, while
his heart beat ten times faster than bo
fore. Yet he managed to hold on to his
seat, and watch the progress of events
down below, for Mr. Eldridge, who had
listened to Jenny's declaration quite
seriously, had seated himself by her
side, and was apparently about to pro
pose on tho spot. But just at that mo
ment Bounce, the big watch-dog, came
running down from the house and with
hoarse growls commenced smelling sus
piciously around the base of the tree, all
the while casting furtive glances into
the branches where Jacob was seated in
mortal dread lest the dog should dis
closf hij position to the couple be
low. The strange actions of the dog could
not help but attract the attention of
J enny and her cousin, who were at first
unable to assign any reason as to the
cause of it. Presently Mr. Eldridge
suggested that there was a squirrel in
the tree, and to investigate the matter
more closely he arose and peered up into
the dark foliage.
"I imagine that I see something
seated up there among the branches," lie
at length replied, shading his eyes with
his hand and gazing intently at the tree,
" but as to whether it is man or beast I
cannot say. However, just to satisfy
Bounce, I'll run up to the house and
bring the gun, and perhaps we may suc
ceed in having some sport with the
creature, whatever it may be." And
with these words he started off in the
direction of the house, leaving Jenny to
her own reflections and Bounce to claw
away at the bottom of the tree.
And, now, what was Jacob to do?
Should he sit still and be shot like a
thief or a wild beast, or hould he take
advantage of his rival's absence, come
down like a man and confess his love
for Jenny on the snot. He must take
one of the two alternatives, and must
choose quick. For a moment he faltered.
not knowing what apoloev" to make
for his awkward position; but he de
termined to do the best he could, and
quietly commenced the descent, think
ing it tetter at any time to face his
lady-love than a loaded rifle.
No sooner did the doe recoirnize in
Jacob an old friend and benefactor than
he relapsed into silence and quickly per-
uijinu jiiiu iu mini; anu oase uia not
fail to notice that Jenny was much less
surprised at his sudden appearance than
ue nad expected sue would bo.
How he ever did it. Jacob could never
tell. But he went down on his knees
before Jenny, and in such language as
had never before been heard to flow
from his lins poured forth his love into
the willing ear of his adored, while
Bounce waeeed his tail and looked on.
apparently well pleased with the turn
events had taken. And, although the
newly betrothed lovers remained in the
shade of the old apple tree until the sun
nad sank to rest behind the western
horizon, yet Mr. Eldridge did not put
in an appearance with the gun an event
wlncli Jacob had been momentarily ex
pecting.
It was not until some timo after the
marriage festivities had been celebrated
that Jenny disclosed to Jacob the arli nee
that had been employed to brine about
a declaration of his love.
He then learned that the flirtation be
tween Jenny and Mr. Eldridge was all
a hoax, gotten up by the artful cousin
for the purpose of bringing the tardy
lover to a proposal. On the Ajn the
orchard they had seen him when he
first climbed into the tree, and were
aware of his presence all the time they
were seatea Deneata.
Eldridge's seeming, intention of pro
posing for Jenny's hand, as well as the
device of going in search of the gun,
were only continuations of the conspir
acy against him.
Jacob s opinion of his wife s cousin
has now been vastly improved, and he
lias quite forgiven the hard things which
he said in regard to him on that memo
rable day under the apple tree. Jacob
now looks upon him as his greatest
benefactor, who helped him to acquire
the most valuable treasure in his posses
sion. Qitiwy Modern Argo.
Deer on Ice.
Clay Rice, an old hunter of Lvon
county, Kentucky, went over into the
Missouri swamps, back of the town of
JNew Madrid, a lew weeks aco. and
there met with an extraordinary run of
lli.lr in naa cIia(!mm IT.. I . ! .
1 u-n tit uvil Euwul.ll!jC . lltr, WIL11 liia
son and a companion of the latter, killed
ninetytliree deer in as many hours.
Mice ascribes his success to a sheet of
water under which the whole country,
by reason of recent 6tornis, rested. At
various points in the swamp lands
small islands or ridges stuck up just
above the overflow, and upon these
islands the deer congregated. Shortly
after the arrival of Rico and his fellows
a cold snap covered the water with a
thick sheeting of ice, and as the deer
were unable to run with speed over the
slippery surface the hunters found every
advantage in their lavor. Rice on one
occasion killei eight royal bucks with
out moving from his tracks, and on an
other two of the party, havinz hemmed
in a herd of fifty, killed eighteen of
them, tsix ol the eighteen were caught
witnout a snot, as they leil on the ice and
remained there, though resisting franti
cally until their throats had been cut
with a bowie. Many of the incidents
of the hunt were excrtin? in the ex
treme, and no paintintr could do justice
to the picturesqueness of some of the
scenes.
The mayor of Cincinnati has signed
the ordinances authorizing a Derson to
lay steam pipes through tlm streets of
Cincinnati in a certain district for the
purpose of supplying steam hat and
power to public and private buildings,
accord injr to the method known as " the
Holly system of steam heating in cities."
In this moist and variable climate colds are
the rule rather than the exception. Dr. bull's
Cough Syrup is just the remedy for every one
to take wtieu builermg Irom a oougb, cold or
any ttiroat trouble.
TIMELY TOPICS.
An Ohio mining company has dis
charged forty employees because they
are single men. The alleged objection
to the unmarried is that they do not re
turn as much money to the corporation
store as married men. Whether this is
an argument in favor of getting married
does not appear, as the married em
ployees of the company struck on ac
count of the discharge of the bachelors.
Glass sleepers for street railways are
now under trial. They are made by the
Sieman's glass toughening process,
which differs somewhat from the well
known La Bastie process. Under care
ful experiment they have been found to
have very considerable strength, or, at
least, sufficient for light railways. So
far they have been made of a rather
small pattern for longitudinal sleepers,
but there seems to be no reason why
they may not be made of the usual size
for heavy railway ties. The glass is of
the cheapest quality. They may even
be made irom lurnace slag, as cheap
bottles are already manufactured, and
once in the road-bed they would last
for centuries, as far as mere decay is
concerned.
The city of Tokio. capital of Japan-
has been burned down for the third
time in sevem years, though, considering
that it is constructed of the lightest and
flimsiest material, it might- just as well
been the seventli time in three years.
Although 15,000 houses were destroyed
the los? is not so severe as these numbers
would indicate, for they are cheaply and
quickly built up again. In Japan a fire
is checked by pulline houses to pieces.
and the firemen instead of pumping
water on the burning build in er. keep
soaking the men who are demolishing
the nouses. Jbvidently. however, when
50,000 people are made homeless andMOO
perish in the flames the blaze has got as
much beyond their control as the fa
mous one in Chicago.
The year 1880 will be memorable in
naval and commercial annals for the
promulgation of a new code of sea sig
nals and road rules. Great Britain
France. Germany, Russia, Austria, Italy.
the Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark,
Belgium, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Chili
and the United States have agreed to
these rules, which include, besides sie
naling with colored lights, a set of blasts
from the steam whistle or foar-horn,
whose uumbers and length of duration
talk plainly. For example, a steamer
sighting any vessel gives one short blast
to denote that she is keeping to star
board, two if she is keeping to port, and
three if she is going astern. Other
blasts have fixed meanings. The new
rules should help to diminish the num
ber of disastrous collisions which have
been steadily increasing with the in
crease of shipping.
A company has' been formed in Glas
gow, Scotland, says an exchange, to
operate m the forest lands of Oregon,
and Washington lemtory, for the pur
pose of utilizing a process of clearing
forests by steam, introduced into Scot
land a few years since. A traction en
gine of twelve-horse power is stationed
some distance from the wood, and a
wire chain is fastened to a tree. Steani
is then put on, and the tree is pulled
forcibly out by the roots. Upward of
900 trees per day of ten hours can be
pu'led out by this process. The com
pany will begin operations with fifty
engines, which are now being manufac
tured for them, to be located and worked
in different sections of tho country,
and it is calculated that in the course of
a few years the whole northwest of the
United states will be cleared and opened
up for settlement.
An amusing application of the won
ders of the telephone as an assistant de
tective of crime reaches the San Diego
(California) Union, from Julian. Several
horses were stolen in that neighborhood,
and suspicion fell upon a certain Indian
as the thief. Some one haying intro
duced a telephone there, it occurred to
the owner of the stolen horses to get the
Indian to step in and hear the " Great
Spirit" talk. The Indian took one of
the cups and was thrilled with astonish
ment at being apparently so near the
Great Keeper of the happy hunting
ground. After some little time spent in
wonderment, the Indian was Bolemnly
commanded by the Great Spirit to
"give up the stolen horses!" Dropping
the cup as if he had been shot, the
Indian immediately confessed to having
stolen the horses, and tremblingly prom
ised, if his life was spared, to restore the
"caballos" at once, and ho did so.
Fire-Fishing.
Captain Squyer, of St. Johns, Florida,
recently gave to a party of Northerners
an exhibition of fire-fishing at mid
night. Four men and two women were
stowed away in a small boat, which was
propelled by means of a pole. In the
bow of the boat stood the captain with a
lightod lightwood torch in one hand and
a harpoon or four-pronged spear in the
other. A fat-pine lire also burned in
the bow, casting a brilliant light on the
water. The boat was pushed along in
water from one to two feet deep, and its
occupants were able to see the smallest
fish much better than though it were
midday. Tiie glaring light seemed to
blind the fish, who lay motionless on
the sand. A well-directed thrust with
the harpoon would be sure to land a fine
fellow into the boat. Many interesting
sights were seen on the sand-flats,
among them numerous sheepsheads fast
asleep on their backs. The sheepshead,
as seen at the bottom by a turpentine
light, looks like a little white streak.
His head often rests against an oyster
shell for a pillow.
A religious paper says that the Ameri
can preachers receive $12,000,000 an
nually, lawyers six times as much, and
the national liquor bill is somo $200,
(00,000.
The Prince of Impostors.
The London Telegraph says: Somos
keoy, the renowned Hungarian swin
dler whose extraordinary career in
America has recently been interfered
with in a manner which will seclude
him from society for some years to
come, must be a man gifted with singu
lar pluck and self-possession if half the
stories of his exploits be founded on fact.
According to our Magyar contemporary,
I'esli Ilirlap, the Philadelphia exhibition
was the scene of more than one bold
mystification on his part. A few min
utes before the time appointed for the
opening ceremony, Somoskeoy, arrayed
in Hungarian national costume, and
wearing the star of an Austrian order
on his left breast, drove up to the Palace
of Industry in a splendid equipage.
Passing with a dignified mien through
the line of attendants, he entered the re
ception hall, where the exhibition com
missioners, headed by their chairman,
were drawn up to receive the illustrious
personages invited to take part in the
festive celebrations of the day. He then
advanced toward the chairman, and ac
costed him with the words: "Sir, I am
Count Veycrey, the royal Hungarian
commissioner." The chairman bowed
and held out his hand in welcome, but
cast a perplexed glance toward the real
representative of Hungary, who had
already arrived and was standing hard
by. fhe latter stepped forward, and
speaking in the Magyar idiom, observed:
" I beg your pardon, but I am the
Hungarian commissioner." Somoskeoy
stared at him contemptuously, and re
plied in English: "Within three days
you will receive your recall. Mean
while, be good enough to remember
where you are, and speak English!"
Just at that moment the President of
the republic entered the building, and
his arrival diverted the attention of the
puzzled commissioners from rival repre
sentatives of Madyar-land.
With unheard-of audacity. Somos
keoy kept his place in the group of dig
nitaries gathered round the commission ;
and, as soon as the President had been
duly greeted, the opening ceremony
commenced with the delivery of several
long speeches. Finding the official ora
tory somewhat tiresome, Somoskeoy
soon slipped out of the circle, and con
trived to make his way to the grand
entrance, at which the foreign secretary
was stationed, to receive certain ex
pected guests of imperial and royal rank.
To this portal the Empress of Brazil
presently drove up ; whereupon Somos
keoy, pushing aside the secretary of
state,; gracefully assisted her imperial
majesty to alight from her carriage, and
oflering her his arm with a profound
obeisance, led her into the building. It
is positively asserted in the account of
this amazing adventure, published in
the Pesli Uirlap, that the American
officers, not wishing to run the risk of
alarming the empress, and desirous to
avoid a public scandal upon so important
an occasion, forbore from all interfer
ence witli this prince of impostors, and W
that he acted as her majesty s cicerone
during her whole stay in the Exhibition
palace, which lasted for several hours.
Upon the imbroglio being subsequently
explained to the empress, she is re-
reported to have said that "judging ny
the manners and conversation of the
person who had accompanied her
through the exhibition, she had im
agined him to be some European per
sonage ol exalted rank." It would ap
pear, indeed, from evidence given by
foreign diplomatists and American
statesmen at his late trial, that Somos
keoy, as far as his outward bearing and
demeanor are concerned, is a refined
and polished gentleman.
How the "Pioneers" Fell Oat.
An old pioneer sat in a Michigan ave
nue grocery yesterday stroking his white
beard and telling the group around the
stove that he had seen a dozen just such
winters as this, when in came a second
old pioneer who had seen just as many
wolves and bears in olden days, and who
felt his importance just as much. The
two eyed each other askance, and di
rectly the first observed :
" Seems to me you are looking poorly
for a man only seventy-two years old.''
"Poorly!" snapped the other ; "why
I sawed a quarter of a cord of wood this
morning and went to market twice! I
never felt better in my life, but it seems
to me you have weak eyes."
"Weak eyes! Why I can read any
print without glasses; my eyes were
never keimer than now."
" Let's see which has the best eyes,"
remarked the grocer's.clerk as lie took a
card from his pocket, and the two old
pioneers cheerfully agreed.
The card was red on one side and blue
on the other, and the clerk held it o
that only one could see at a time. The
first pioneer took a squint and called
out:
" Blue as a whetstone ! Can't fool my
eyes on that."
The red side was turned as the other
looked, and he called out:
" Guess this is your blue day ! If that
card isn't red then I'll never pitch any
more hay !"
The other looked again, saw the blue
side, and sneeringly remarked :
"I'd hate to have your eyes! That
card is no more red than a blue-bird."
"Do you mean to insult me!" de
manded the other. " I won't stand no
such talk from any man. I say it's red."
"And I say it's blue! Don't try to
bulldoze me, sir!"
" Who's a bulldozing you ?"
While one sat down in a basket of
clothes-pins the other burned his elbow
on the stove. Both made a rush for the
door to seek a justice and a warrant,
and there they collided and sat down on
the floor. The one who got out first
hurried up the street and the other
down, and each was saying to himself:
" I'll see whether a man who fit In
juns on the site of Detroit can be as
saulted and battered in this way.'V e
troit Free Iress. -
A merchant may manage to grub
along without advertising, and so may
a man empty a hogshead of water with
a teaspoon, but both are decidedly
tedious undertakings.
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
Alwayson hand Knuckles and finger
nails. New York News.
A wife's pies are never as good as a
mother's. Burlington 11a wkeye.
Boots and shoes for dolls are turned
out of one London house at the rate of
1,000 a week.
"Give the Indians a show," says a
Western paper. Yes; give them an
amateur " Pinafore." Boston Advertiser.
Adelina Patti received about seven
dollars a minute daring tho perform
ance of each opera in which she sang at
Vienna.
"Switch off!" as the car conductor
said to his wife when she took down
her back hair before going to bed.
Salem Stinbeam.
Government topograpiiical surveyors
report wonderfully great veins of silver
in the newly-opened ore districts of
Southwestern Utah.
Physicians say it takes hours to get
over a too sudden rising. We have ob
served the same in connection with fall
ing. New York Commercial.
In the north of England a habit of
ether-imbibing is said to prevail. As
" a drunk " on sulphuric ether is less ex
pensive than on alcoholic liquids, the
practice is increasing.
CCKIOS1TV.
Watching the bees, he oft it stung
Who o'er the hives too close his head has hung ;
So, too, and righteously, he fares
Who thrasU himsell in other folks' affairs.
Oeoige Birdteye.
A puzzle to scientists is the remark
able persistence of certain odors. More
than one thousand years ago the mortar
used in the construction of the mosque
of St. Sophia, in Constantinople, was
charged with musk, the perfume ol
which permeates the building to this
day. .
The number of suicides at Vienna and
its suburbs last year attained the con
siderable figure of 297, of which forty
six were of women. In most cases rc-
verse of fortune, misery, or want of work
was the disposing cause, and the ma
jority of the unfortunates belonged to
the poorer classes.
She hung upon his arm so lovingly,
and beamed up in his face with all the
radiance of those pale blue eyes. Her
heart would speak, and yet the tongue
refused its utterance. But love and
admiration broke the spell, and from the
rapture of her soul she breathed forth,
" Your mustache is beginning to grow."
Elmira Qazetle.
" What a dreadful affair !" indignantly
exclaimed good Mrs. Higginbotham,
laying down the account of a prize fight
which she had been reading. "The
awful men actually struck each other
with their hands, and one of them got
so sick that he threw up a sponge!
Such things ought to be stopped by
law." ttockiana t'ourtcr.
The ten orphan children of General
Hood are to live in Austin, Texas. They
will be under the especial care of Mrs.
E. R. Hennen, their grandmother, to
whom they were consigned by General
Hood only a few hours before his death.
The fund raised for the orphans amounts
to about $14,000, of which $12,000 have
been invested in government bonds.
Editors are Wealthy.
A man on the cars at
on the cars at bpringtield.
Ohio, remarked in the he tring of Bur
dette, the liurllngton Hawkey e mar.
that "editors aro usually wealthy,''
whereupon the genial humorist de
livered himself of the following ora
tion: "Yes," I said, "they are familiar with
all the slang and business phrases cf the
money market; they write about mil
lions as ordinary men talk about dol
lars; they know how to pay the national
debt ; they build railroads ; they organize
magnificent mining and transportation
companies with fabulous capital; they
declare war without consulting the
Rothschilds, and if all the banks in
America were to fail to-morrow the
editors wouldn't be a cent poorer than
they are to-day. Yes, they are rich.
They associate with the moneyed
classes, they sit down at table with
kings, and sometimes, in happier,
luckier moments, with aces; if you
want to borrow money, go to the editor,
he will turn to his advertising columns
and tell you where you can borrow it.
If you have money to loan, rather than
see you suffer, ho will borrow it of you
himself. Rich? He knows the secrets
of the moneyed rings; he roars himself
louder than the bulls, and growls
among the bears ; his voice is heard in
the temples of the money changers,
asking for money; ho warbles his little
roundelay out on the curbstone, in a
melancholy minor key, when he doesn't
get it. Oh, yes, editors are rich. When
you want to spend all the money you
have in this wide, wide world, go to
your lawyer; when you want some
thing done for nothing, hie you to your
newspaper office. Then when you want
to send some man to Congress, send
your lawyer, because you can get along
without him.""
Save the Rags.
Tho price of paper has been advanced
from six and one-half to ten cents all
over the country. If this price is main
tained, the public will be compelled to
pay more for their newspapers. Many
daily papers have already increased
their price from twenty cents to thirty
cents per week, and weekly papers from
$1.50 to $2.00.
Tho advance in paper can be stopped
if tho people will save and sell their old
paper and rags. Three months' saving
of rags and old paper by the entire popu
lation, and selling them in tho markets,
would check the advance in paper. Rags
are worth three to three and one-half
cents p?r pound.
Every newspaper in the land should
appeal to the people in this matter. And
they should also economize in the con
sumption as much as possible.