The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, June 26, 1878, Image 1

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    I ' 11 iii !. I. I.,., - , ... . - i - ii i - i
8Ffw &wn gtpiMfaaa.
IS TUBLlSltED EVERY WEDNESDAY, BY
W 11. DUNN".
OrriOE IN EOBINSON &. BONNEB'8 BTJILDIKO
ELM 8TREET, TIONESTA, PA.
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iob work, Cash on Delivery.
VOL. XI. NO. 14.
TIOKESTA, PA., JUNE 26, 1878.
$2 PER ANHUM.
s
. War.
. i.
Two mother! lifting prayer, unto one God,
In alien language and on hostile god.
Two maiilen. wailing, In a different tongue,
The gory maH. of llcnt men among.
T wo monarch. oonoh'J In Indolent repo.e,
Reaping ambition by their subject.' thro...
Fooi, that hav. never done each other 111;
Friend, whose .ole nnlon 1. the aim to kill.
Banner olutch'd fieroe the death grasp of the
brave
A tatter'd rag that glorified the grave.
Far-rolling .moke above a vulture plain;
Artillery piled on rampart, of the .lain.
Mature .writhed round in one dote erinison
.hroud;
lllark speechlessness of the low thunder-cloud.
The field, until'd, the rlrh Heaven, raining dearth;
Weed. In the garden; weeping by the hearth.
ii.
Mow, in the Land of Bh.dc, two mother, met,
Mourning, embracing with une.ngulned feet.
Two maiden, claap one urn that doth encloae
The ..he. of their lover., who were foe..
Two king. In .ilenoe meet in .Hence part
Tbey find, too late, they bav. a human heart.
Matlon. of lain, whose armies won or lo.t,
Mingle their shades : Death hold, no hostile ghost.
Their records ah. II instruct, with heartfelt moan,
Their .on. to combat with life'. 111. .lone.
Nation., who strove to ws.te each other's lands,
Turn .word, to ploughshare, for their common
h.nd.
Oh, misery I before that day can come,
War-flenda may thrust their fangs In many a borne.
HALF AN HOUR OF AGONY.
. MR. TUUMBLEDIIIK 8 TEBRIBLK PREDICA
MENT. Yesterday afternoon Mr. Jasper
Tlmoibledirk, wbo is forty-three years
old aud unmarried, dashed into our
sanctum and evolved a remark, the in
tensity of which fuirly made our blood
curdle. And when he completed the
remark, which was neither very long
nor remarkably complicated, he picked
up a dictionary, hurled it at the proof
reaier with great asperity, and before
that good natured and greatly abused
angel of the editorial staff could recover
from his emotion aud get his umbrella
Mr. Thumbledirk was gone. lie dashed
out of the doo", missed tke stairway and
stepped down the elevator, falling a dis
tance of three stories, but he was too
mtd and excited to get hurt, and we
heard him rushing away down the alley,
yelling aud swearing till he was out of
sight aud hearing. As he is usually a
very severe man, of habitual reserve,
very particular and guarded in his lan
guage, we were amazed not only at his
words, for which his excited manner af
forded not the slightest explanation.
During the day, however, wo became
possessed of certain faots which may
give the reader some clew to the causes
of this worthy and respectable citizen's
violeut and disrespectful manner and
language.
It appears that about two o'clock in
the afternoon, Mr. Thumbledirk drop
ped in at the Union depot to ask some
questions relative to the arrival and de
parture of trains, and while passing
through the ladies' waiting room, he
was accosted by a lady acquaintance who
was (oing east on the T. P. & W. at
half-past two. She wished to go .up
town to make some little purchases, but
didn't want to take her baby out in the
rain. Would Mr. Thumbledirk please
hold it for her until she came back f
She wouldn't be gone more than five
minutes, and little Ernest was just as
good as an angel, and beside, he was
sound asleep.
Mr. Thumbledirk, with a strange flut
ter of his feelings, lied, and said he
would be only too delighted. Then he
took the baby, and the ticket agent, who
has two, knew by the manner in which the
man took the baby and looked anxiously
from one end of it to the other to see
which end the head was on, that he had
never handled a human baby before in
all his life, and promptly closed his win
dows to shut out' the trouble that he
knew was on the eve of an eruption.
Mr. Thumbledirk is a very tall, dig
nified man. lie was rather annoyed as
the mother disappeared through ' the
door to observe that all the women in
the waiting-room were intently re
garding him with various expressions,
curiosity predominating. He sat down
and bfeut his arms at the elbows until
they resembled in shape two letters V's,
with the baby lying neck and heels in
the angle at the elbows, and he looked,
and he felt that he looked, like the hide
ous pictures of Moloch in the old Sunday-school
book.
Mr. Thumbledirk felt keenly that he
was an object of curiosity and illy re
pressed mirth to the women around him.
Now a dignified man does not enjoy be
ing a laughing stock for any body, and
it is especially humiliating for him to feel
that he appears ridiculous in the eyes of
women. This feeling is intensified when
the man is a bachelor, and knows he is
a little awkward and ill at ease 'in the
presence of women, anyhow. So, as he
gazed upon the face of the quiet, sleep
ing infant, he mode an insane effort to
appear perfectly easy, and to create
the impression that he was an old mar
ried man, and the father of twenty-six
children, he disengaged one arm, and
chucked the baby under the chin.
About such a chuck that you always
feel like giving a boy with a "putty
blower" or a "pea shooter." It knocked
'"V the little rose-bud of a mouth shut so
quick and close the baby couldn't catch
jts breath for three minutes, and Mr.
Thumbledirk thought, with a strange,
terrible sinking of the heart, that it was
just possible he might have overdone
the thing. A short, young woman in a
kilt skirt and a pretty face, sitting di
reotiy opposite mm, said, "Uhr in a
mild kind of a shriek, and then giggled;
a tall, thin woman in a black bombazine
dress and a gray shawl, and an angular
woman in a calico dress and a sun bon
net, gasped, "Whyl" in a startled duet.
a fat woman with a small herd of child
ren and a market basket, shouted.
"Weill" and then immediately clapped
her plump hands over her mouth as
though the exclamation hod been startl
ed from her, and a tall, raw-boned
woman who wore horned spectacles and
talked bass, said, "The poor Iambi" in
such sepulchral tones that everybody
eise laughed, and Mr. Thumbledirk.
who didn't just exactly know whether
sue meant him or the babv. blushed
Bcarlet and felt his face grow so hot that
he smelt his hair. And his soul was
filled with such gloomy forebodings that
all the future looked dark to him.
The baby opened its blue eyes wider
than any man who never owned ft baby
would nave believed it' possible, and
stared at Mr. Thumbledirk with an ex
pression of alarm, and a general lack of
connuenoe that boded a distressing want
of harmony in all farther proceedings.
Mr. Thumbledirk viewing these signs of
carelessness with inward alarm, con
ceived the happy idea that the baby
needed a change of position. So he
stood it upon its feet.
It is unnecessary to tell any mother
of a family that by the execution of this
apparently very simple movement, the
unhappy man had every thread of that
baby's clothes underits arms and around
its neck in an instant. A general but
suppressed giggle went around the
room.
Mr. Thumbledirk blushed, redder and
hotter than ever, and the astonished
baby, after one horrified look at its
strange guardian, whimpered uneasily.
Mr. Thumbledirk, not daring to risk
the sound of his own voice, would have
danced the baby up and down, but its
lit tle legs bent themselves into such ap
palling crescents the first time he let the
cherub's weight upon them, that the
wretched man knew in his heart of
hearts that he had forever and eternally
most hopelessly " bowed " them, and
felt that he could never again look a
bow-legged man in the face without a
spasm of remorse. As for meeting the
father of this beautiful boy, whose life
bo had blighted with a pair of crooked
legs never, he would face death itself
first. And in coming years whenever
tie met this boy waddling to school on a
pair of legs like ice-tongs, he weald
gnze upon them as his own guilty work,
and would tremble lest the wrath of the
avenging gods should fall apon him.
Alarmed at the gloomy shadows which
these distressing thoughts cast over
Mr. Thumbledirk's face the baby drew
itself up into a knot and wailed. Mr.
Thumbledirk balanced it carefully on
his hands and dandled it, for all the
world as he would " heft " a watermelon.
Instantly the baby straightened itself
out with such alarming celerity that the
tortured dry nurse caught it by the
heeh just in time to sava it from falling
to the floor.
"He'll kill that child yet," said the
gloomy woman who talked bass, and
Mr. Thumbledirk felt the blood curdle in
cold waves in his veins. By this time
the baby was screaming like a calliope,
and the noise added inexpressibly to
Mr. Tumbledirk's confusion and dis
tress. He would have trotted the baby
on his knee, but the attempt occasioned
too much comment. The fat woman
with the market basket said:
"Oh-h, the little dear I"
And the short, pretty woman snapped
her eyes and said.
"Oh-h-h ! how cruel !
And the woman in the black bomba
zine, and the woman in the sun bonnet
said:
"Oh-h-h ! just look at him !"
And the woman who talked bass said,
in her most sepulchral and penetrating
accents:
"The man's a fooL"
And the baby itself, utterly ignoring
the fact that Mr. JThumbledirk was labor
ing in its own interests, threw all the
obstruction it could in the way cf furth
er proceedings by alternately straight
ening itself out into an abnormal con
dition of such appalling rigidity, that
Mr. Thnmblekirk was obliged to hold its
head tightly in one hand aud its heels
in the other, and then suddenly doub
ling itself np into so small a knot that
the poor man had to hold his two hands
close together, like a bowl, and hold
the baby as he would a pint of sand, and
these transitions from one extreme to
the other were made with such startling
rapidity and appalling suddenness, that
Mr. Thumbledirk had to be constantly on
the alert, and his arms ached so, and he
exhibited such signs of fatigue and dis
tress that the depot policeman looked in
to say to him that if he was tired out, he
would send in a section hand or the
steam shovel to give him a spell.
It seemed to Mr. Thumbledirk that
he never heard so much noise come from
so small a baby in his life. The more
he turned it around and tossed it about
the more its cloak and dress, and skirts
and things became entangled around its
neck, and now and then the mass of
drapery would get over the baby's face
and stifle its cries for a second, but the
noise would come out stronger than ever
when the tossing little hands would tear
away the obstruction. And the louder
the baby screamed the faster the vigor
ous, fat legs flew, kicking in every di
rection, like crazy fly-wheels with the
rim off. Sometimes Mr. Thumbledirk
made as high as a hundred and eighty
grabs a minute at those legs and never
touched one of them, lie was hot,
blind and wild with terror and confu
sion. Once he tried to sing to the baby,
but when he quavered out a " Hootcby,
pootchy, puddin' and pie," the women
laughed, all but the gloomy woman who
talked buss she sniffled , and he stopped.
He gave the baby his pearl-handled
knife, and the innocent threw it into the
stove. He gave it his gold watch, and
it dashed it on the floor. He gave it his
emerald scarf-pin, and the baby put it
into its mouth.
The pretty woman screamed.
The sad woman in the bombazine
shrieked.
The angular woman in the sun-bonnet
yelled, "Ob, mercy on ns 1''
The fat woman with the market-basket
called wildly for a doctor.
The gloomy woman who talked bass
shouted hoarsely:
" He's killed it 1"
And Mr. Thumbledirk hooked his
finger into that child's mouth and choked
it until its face was purple and block,
trying to find that pin. And Mr. Thum
bledirk couldn't hear even the chattering
woman. It beat the air with its clenched
fists, and thrashed and kicked with its
fat bare legs, and wailed and howled
and choked and screamed and doubled
up and straightened out until Mr.
Thumbledirk, steeling bis nerves to the
awful effort, clasped the screaming baby
in his arms and rose to his feet.
He was going to go out and throw
himself and the baby under the first
train that came along.
The baby's mother sprang in through
the door like an angel of mercy.
She took the baby in her arms and
with one slight motion of one hand, hod
its raiment straightened out so exquisite
ly smooth there wasn't a wrinkle in it.
The baby lay in her arms as placid,
quiet, flexible, graceful and contented
as a dream of Paradise.
The mother thanked Mr. Thumbledirk
for the agony and torture he had endur
ed so patiently for her. This was the
way she thanked him. She did not look
at him. She looked straight out the
window with a stony glare, and said, in
tones that made the thermometer shiver:
" Mr. Thnmbledirk isn't a very good
nurse, is he, babyf"
All the women smiled, except the
gloomy woman who talked bass. She
nodded approvingly.
The baby looked up into Mr. Thum
bledirk's face and laughed aloud.
What Mr. Thumbledirk said when he
dashed in at the sanctum last evening
was this:
"By the avenging daughters of Night,
the everlasting, snake-haired Erynnes,
the terror-haunted shades never knew
the horrors that haunt the soul of a sen
sible single man that tries to take care
of some other fool s howling, squalling.
squirming .baby I" Burlington Hawk-
eye. .
Sunlight.
It is a familiar fact that a potato-vine
growing in a dark cellar is white, puny,
and without strength. It would be al
most precisely the same with a child
confined to a dark room. It is also well
known that light is somehow essential
to health, and that simple sunshine is
the best medicine in many diseases.
But it is not known how the hygienic
effect is exerted, though ther is reason
to believe the effect is mainly due, not
to the color rays, but to the actinio
the invisible rays that paint the pio
ture in the photograph, and penetrate
to the seed beneath the sod and quicken
its germ.
Some experiments, "however, recently
E resented to the English Royal Society,
ave a bearing on the solution of the
question. They prove that the pres.
ence of light, but especially of direct
sunshine, prevents the development of
the microscopic fungi which are associ
ated with putrefaction and decay. When
there are germs already present in a
liquid, it destroys them, and perfectly
preserves a putrescible fluid in which
they have not yet been developed.
While this preservative quality is most
powerful in the direct rays of the Bun.
it also exists in diffused light.
The hygiene of light will doubtless
sometime be fully understood. Mean
while we know enough to make it a sin
against health not to let the sun have
freest admission to all onr dwellings.
He Was Correct
"Broke down, did you f" queried a
Gratiot avenue wagonmaker yesterday,
as a farmer's team hitched to the front
wheels of a wagon halted at his door.
" Mashed by the cars, was the brief
reply.
" Train struck you, eh ?
" Well, kinder. I hod on a load of
fence-posts, and when I reached the
crossing the train was right at hand. I
put the whip ou to Sarah, and I gave
Bill a yank on the lines, and then I fig
gered on my chances. I'm a whole four-
hoss team on mental arithmetic, I am,
and I want a minute calkelating that
that air locomotive would strike the off
hind wheel of my wagon. Bill reared
up, Sarah shied, and the engine tooted
over four "hundred times a minute, but I
had them Aggers right down fine."
" The engme ran into your wagon,
did it?"
"Of course it did struck that hind
wheel exactly as I calkelated, lifted .me
lust as high as I calkelated, landed them
horses aud fence-posts where I calkel
ated, and now I calkelate that you want
about twenty dollars to repair the busts
on this vehicle I"
He was right on that, too. Nothing
like arithmetic. Detroit Free Pre.
A correspondent writes from Parma,
"There's always something to charm the
eye, delight the ear and stir the soul in
Italy. The introduction of the scrub
bing brush would make it a paradise."
A German Onion Market.
1 am sure you can not guess what sort
of a thing a Zwiebel-markt is. The
word means onion-market, and I will
tell you about one which I saw in a
German city.
I was awakened very early one October
morning by the rumble of heavy carts
under my window, and drawing aside
the curtain, I looked out upon the great
square all alive with a busy crowd of
men, women and children. There were
huge canvas-covered carts, drawn bv
oxen ; great lumbering wagons, with a
horse and cow, or a pair of droll little
donkeys, harnessed together ; dogs and
goats were tackled to small wagons that
rattled along over the cobble-stones,
while the drivers' whips were cracking
like hundreds of torpedoes, and everv
cirt, large and small, was heaped with
onions.
Where had tlaey all come from, for it
was barely sunrise then ? While eating
breakfast, which I took an hour earlier
than usual that morning, I asked my
landlady about it, and she told me that
it was Zwiebel-markt, and would con
tinue three or four days. It is really
the season when the harvest is gath
ered, and the farmers come to town
to sell their country produce ; but
instead cf making it a mere stupid
time of traffic, they turn it into a
grand holiday. The town puts on its
gala attire, the shops are bright with
all manner of glittering things ; street
musicians draw around them crowds of
happy peasants, who stand and listen
in open-mouthed delight ; Punch and
Judy shows, dancing bears, trained
bears, trained dogs and talking birds,
are all to be found in tents or booths
at every corner. So, you see, it is not
by any means made np entirely of
onions.
As I walked through the streets I
found that there were all sorts of veg
etables, such as we see in our markets
at home at Thanksgiving time ; but an
air of beauty was given to the whole
by the tasteful arrangement of the
various articles. Bright yellow carrots,
with their delicate foliage, contrasted
with white cauliflower and the crisp,
curling leaves of red cabbage ; turnips,
large and small, were arranged in fan
tastio heaps, their green leaves still
bright ; and strings of shining onions
were piled on the ground in gigantic
pyramids, a great deal taller than any
man.
The peasants take great delight in
this holiday season. Whole families
come together, and camp out during
the night just beyond the city limits,
returning each morning before sunrise
to their places of sale. The largest
collections of fruit and vegetables are
left under the care of a guard at night,
but the smaller wares, such as poultry,
eggs, butter, cheese, nuts, grapes, etc.,
are packed into the same carts which
brought them to the town, and carried
off by their owners to the place of
t ; encampment. Q olden Hours.
Prince Murat.
A despatch from London announces
the death of Prince Lucien Charles
Francois Napoleon Murat. He was the
youngest son of Joachim Murat, a cele
brated French General and King of Na
ples (1808), his mother being Caroline
Marie Annonaade Napoleon, sister of
.Napoleon I. He was born in Milan.
May 16, 1803, and after living near his
mother until 1824, he went to Spain,
where, on the suspicion of being on a
treasonable- errand, he was arrested and
thrown into prison. After his liberation
he came to the United States and mar
ried a Miss Fraser, his wife earning a
support by teaching, lie returned to
France in 1848, and was elected to the
constituent and legislative assemblies.
He was envoy extraordinary and minis
ter plenipotentiary to Turin in 1849,
and became senator on January 25, 1852.
In 1853 he received the title of prince of
the imperial family. In 18G0, when the
Bourbons were expelled from Naples,
Murat put forth his claims, to the throne
of the Two Sioilies, but at the instance
of Napoleon III. he soon publicly dis
claimed his intentions. In 1871 he was
with Bozoine in Metz, and when the city
capitulated he was made prisoner. His
eldest son, Joseph Joachim Napoleon,
born in Paris July 21, 1834, has been
since 1866 colonel in the French army,
and in April, 1872, obtained leave to
serve four years in the Swedish army.
An Intelligent Hippopotamus,
A famous naturalist says that animals
have much more capacity to understand
human speech than is generally sup
posed. The Hindoos invariably talk to
their elephants, and it is amazing how
much the latter comprehend. The
Arabs, he says, govern their camels with
a few cries, and his associates in the
African desert were always amused
whenever he addressed a remark to the
big dromedary who was his property for
two months; yet at the end of that time
the beast evidently knew the meaning
of a number of simple sentences. "Some
years ago, seeing the hippopotamus in a
menagerie looking very stolid and de
jected, I spoke to him in English, but
he did not even open his eyes. Then I
went to the opposite corner of the cage,
and said in Arabio, 'I know you; come
here to me.' He instantly turned his
head toward me: I repeated the words,
and thereupon lie came to the corner
where I was standing, pressed his
huge, ungainly head against the bars
of the cage, and looked in my faoe with
a touch of delight while I stroked his
muzzle. I have two or three times
found a lion who recognized the same
language, and the expression of his eves
for an instant seemed positively human.
All animals seem to nave the home in
stinct implanted in them, and languish in
captivity."
ISDI1N rOET-KING.
Who nullt a ftlrusnlflrrnt Tower for the
Worship of an Unknown Deity.
We find this in a letter from the city
of Mexico : I am going to tell you of a
trip to the mountain of Tezjosingo,
famous in Aztec days as being the pleas
ure garden and retreat of the Indian
poet-king, Nezahuacoyolt. From Tex
coco the trip is wildly picturesque and
grandly beautiful. The curiously con
structed bath of Nezahuacoyolt is cut
from a solid block of granite overhang
ing the brow of the hill. The rock has
a smooth surface several yards square,
and dropping from its center is a circular
basin some three or four feet deep and a
dozen or more in circumference. Out
of one side is out a Beat for the acoom
modation of the bather, while rising
from the surface a little bock is another
having a perfect chair form, with a rest
on one side for the arm. Protecting the
outer side of this is a wall a part of the
same rock into which Beats have been
cut, and various little niches in the
form of miniature steps, which might
have been used by the old Indian mon
arch as receptacles for his toilet para
phernalia. '
Following along the still well-pre
served path, we came to a chamber cut
into the Bide of the hills, now unroofed
and in ruins, the floor being strewn with
debris. At the end of this vaulted
chamber was a raised platform a foot in
height and several feet square, hewn
from soljd rock, and on either corner,
bock of this, were niches chiseled out,
with fragments of cement still clinging
to their sides. We have sinoe learned
that between these, above the platform,
there still remained at the beginning of
the present century a large calendar
stone, which was later destroyed by the
neighboring Indians in search of treas
ure. This curious work must have cost
its builders a vast deal of labor.
Separating himself from the cares of
His kingdom, Nezahuacovolt came for
retirement to this beautiful mountain,
art1 Vi ay a f ah f.iTYiAa nvarv flav frw "iff ?
days, on bended knees, he offered prayer
and incense to the all-powerful god.
hidden and unknown. It is said that in
answer to these earnest petitions a vision
appeoredto one of his servants in at
tendance, directing him to go at once to
his master with the comforting assurance
that the unseen god had been pleased
to accept his prayers and offerings, and
would avenge him by the hands of his
son, Axoquatzin, a boy of only seventeen
years. The king could not accept the
supernatural viBion which was, however,
fulfilled. Nezahuacoyolt, upon hearing
of the fulfillment of what he hod consid
ered a false prophecy, retired in humili
ation to the garden of his palace, and
kneeling on the ground gave thanks to
the unknown god for his signal benefits,
promising to build a temple to his
honor, to abstain from idolatrous wor
ship and human sacrifices and to alone
acknowledge the supremacy of the un
known god. In compliance with his
vow, he built a tower nine stones high,
the interior of which he garnished with
gold and precious stones, and the ex
terior he covered with block cement,
embellished with stars. The workman
ship was of the most expensive order.
in this superb tower were stationed
men, whose duty it was, at certain hours
of the day, to strike upon plates of fine
metal, at the sound of which the mon
arch fell upon his knees in prayer.
Words of Wisdom.
It requires strength and courage to
swim against the stream, while any dead
fish can float with it.
Insult not misery, neither deride in
firmity, nor ridicule deformity; the fir6t
is inhuman, thesecond shows folly, and
the third pride. "
The true pleasures of temperance, and
the many benefits that follow sobriety,
cannot be imagined by those who live
dissipated lives.
In the moral as in the physical world,
the violent is never the lasting; the tree
forced to unnatural luxuriance of bloom
bears it and dies.
Bad habits are the thistles of the
heart, and every indulgence of them is a
seed from which will come forth a new
crop of rank weeds.
No species of falsehood is more fre
quent than flattery; to which the coward
is betrayed by fear, the dependent by
interest, and the friend by tenderness.
The great art of conversation consists
in not wounding or humiliating any one,
in speaking only of things that we
know, in conversing with others only on
subjects which may interest them.
No great man or woman has ever been
reared to great usefulness and lasting
distinction who was unschooled by ad
versity. Noble deeds are never done in
the calm sunshine of summer's light.
Imaginary evils soon beoome real ones
by indulging our reflections on them; as
he who in a melancholy fancy sees some
thing like a face on the wall or wainscot,
can, by two or three touches with a lead
pencil, make it look visible, and agree
ing with what he fancied.
Men know how thunder and lightning
come from the clouds in summer, and
they want to thunder and lighten some
times themselves; but it is better that
the contents of the clouds should drop
down in gentle rains, and make some
thing grow, than that there should be
flashing and resounding in the heaven,
and that the oak shonld be crushed to
Eieces which has been growing for a
undred years; and it is better, not that
men should produce a great racket in
the world, and work destruction round
about them, but that they should create
happiness among their fellow men.
Items of Interest.
Iowa has 890 newspapers.
Disturbing the grave Making a sober
man laugh.
They have ladies' smoking cars on
Peruvian railroads.
The Most Unpopular Petty Officer in
the Army Corporal punishment.
An editor offers a reward of five dol
lars for the best treatise on " now to
make out-door life attractive to the mos
quito." What is the difference between the
Prince of Wales and a jet of water? The
Prince is heir to the throne, and the jet
is thrown to the air.
" The moon is always just the same,"
he said languidly, " and vet I always
find some new beauty in it. " It's just
so with the circus," she responded. He
took the hint and bought tickets for
two.
The unequal length of the lower limbs
sometimes observed in man can be more
readily detected when the man is lying
down on the floor than when he is stand
ing up. Experienced tailors assert that
this aberration accounts for some mis
fits in trousers.
First Law Pill " Gad, Jones, a most
curious question has arisen lately.
There's a man in Newton, and the law's
such that they can't bury him I" Se
cond Law Pill (earnestly) " Very as
tounding, to be Bure I Why how on
earth can that be ?" First L. P. (de
risively) " Why, he isn't dead yet 1"
A huge snake of the garter species
was lately killed in Atchison, Kansas,
and on being opened a female quail was
found inside. The quail was also cut
open and three eggs were taken from her
and placed under a hen. In a short
time two of the eggs hatched young
quails, who were as lively and healthy
as any others are, but hod defective
heads, as they were shaped and had the
appearance of a snake, being entirely
destitute of feathers.
MATED AND REMATKD.
A tear stood In her eye of blue,
She .aid, " Oh, what would Edwin do
Were Angelina fated
To quit this happy world and die?"
His quivering lip. made qoiok reply,
" I'll get you, love, cremated."
On rosy lips a pout waa seen,
' What will you do yourself, I mean?"
Bright eyes hi. answer waited.
When from bin heart resistless came
The answer 'twas almost the same,
"I'll get myself rematecL"
John Burdette has a new dog, and in
a spirit of malicious daring, has named
him "Mister." And every time he
waves his hand at the canine and shouts
in savoge tones, " Go home, Mister, or
I'll land a brick at ye!" every mau on
the street rolls up his sleeves and waltz
es up to the auditor and wants to know
"who he's a talk in' to, and what ho
means by it ?" And the result is the
boy is on fighting terms with half the
men in Burlington. Hawkeye.
Near Waterloo Station in Georgia a
ground-hog lately carried off a child
from the hut of John Keeshnn, a laborer
on the railroad tracks, and, carrying it
to a hole in a tree, deposited it there
and covered it with leaves, and, return
ing to tho hut, attempted to drag aw ay
some of the child's clothing, when Mrs.
Keeshan entered the room and chased it
out, and, on following it to the tree for
the purpose, of getting the clothes back,,
was rejoiced to discover her lost child
snugly ensconsed in the hollow.
A BONO WITHOUT AN E.
The letter E is used more than any
other letter in the English alphabet.
Each of the following verses contains
every letter of the alphabet except E
A jovial swain should not complain
Of any buxom fair
Who mocks his pain, and thinks it gain
To quia his awkward air.
Quixotic boys who look for joys
Quixotic hazards run ;
A lass annoys with trivial toys.
Opposing man for fun.
A jovial swain may rack his brain,
And tax his f aucy's might ;
To quiz is vain, for 'tis most plain
That what I say is right.
George Mitchell went on a frolic in
Antioch, Cal., on the evening before the
day appointed for his wedding, and in
the morning his convivial companion
was found murdered. Suspicion rested
on Mitchell, and he was placed on trial.
The girl to whom he was to have been
married sat at his side in the court room.
and her sympathy and grief were so at
tractively exhibited that the Judge, in
his charge, warned the jurors not to per
mit themselves to be influenced by her.
They acquitted Mitchell, however, and
it is impossible to determine by the
meagre reports whether the verdict waa
caused by the evidence or by the girl.
The pair were married immediately in
the court room.
During the war between Augustus
Cujsar and Maro Antony, when all the
world stood woudering and uncertain
which way fortune would incline her
self, a pcor man at Rome, in order to be
Crepared for making, in either event, a
old hit for his own advancement, had
recourse to the following ingenious ex
pedient : He applied himself to the train
ing of two crows with such diligeuce
that he brought them the length of pro
nouueing, with gre it distinctness, the
one a salutation to Csesar, and the other
a salutation to Antony. When Augustus
returned conqueror, tho man went out
to meet him with the erow suited to the
occasion, perched on his fiHt, and every
now and then it kept exclaiming, "Salve,
Ccr-tar, Victor Imptrtor .'" ("Hail,
Ctosar, Conqueror and Emperor I") Au
gustus, greatly struck and delight
with so novel a circumstance, pure!
the bird of the man for a sum '
nifK'iiiN'lv r'--'' 1 1 ;,,t i' '