V-
ia rtBLisnr.D evert Wednesday, ijy
V. 11. DUNN.
OFFICII IN EOBTT7301T A BON7TF.1VS BCTiDING
ELM BT&EET, TIONESTA, PA,
TERMS, $2.00 A YKAR.
No Subucrlptions received for a sbortor
period than thrca months.
Correspondence solicited from all pads
Of tho country. No notice will bo taken of
annonyroous communications.
ly ww b m mm mm
BUSINESS
DIRECTORY.
TIOSESIALODQE
I. O. of O. !D
MEETS every Friday evening, ac 7
o'cliok, In tho Hall formerly oeeuplod
by the Good Templar.
C. A. HAND ALT j, N. O.
S. II. HASLET, Sec'y. 27-tf.
TIONESTA COUNCIL, NO. 3 12
O. TT. IMC.
M
EETS at Odd FcIIowh' Lodge Room,
every Tuosday evening, at 7 o'clock.
P. M. CLAUK, C.
fl. A. VARNER, R. 8. 31
J. K. II LA INK, M. D. R. A. KOl'.KKT, M. P.
JILAIXE C EGJtmtT,
"VFFICE and residence In houso former-
J ly occupied Dr. Winans. Ofllcn days,
Wednesdays and Saturdays, iililt
K. L, Davis,
A TTOTtNEY AT LAW. Tionesta, Pa.
A Collodions mado In this and adjoin
ing counties, ' 40-ly
J. B. AC NEW, W. E. LATHY,
Tioaeata, Pa Erie, Pa.
AGNEW && JL.A.TIIY,
Attorneys at Law, - Tionesta, Pa.
Ofllco on Elm Stroot.
May 10, 1875.-tf . .
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
U Street, TIONESTA , TA .
F.W.Hays,
A TTORNEY AT LAW, and Notary
A Pum.ir, Reynolds UnkiU A Oo.'s
Block, Keneca St., Oil City, Pa. 3!-ly
V. KINNKAU.
f. . 8MILKY.
K INN H Alt C SMILliY,
ttornoys a Law, ... Franklin, Pa.
T)RACTICE in the several Courts of Vo-
JL Hango, I'rawiord, r orjvit, anu anjom
Ing counties. 3'J-ly.
. NATION A I. IIOTKJ,,
TIIDIOTTTEI., ZP.A.
RtCKLIN A MORE, PnorniKTons.
Frist-Class Licensed House. Good sta
ble connected.
W-ly
Lawrerc.o House,
T
UONESTA. PENN'A. C. E. Mn-
OHAY. PnoritiETOU. This nousn
Is centrally located. Everything new and
well furnished Superior accommoda
tions and Htrict attention irivon to guests.
Vegetables and Fruits of all kinds served
liitholr season. Kampio room ior t-oin-
merclal Agents.
Tionesta House,
A1
NDREW WHLLER, Proprietor. Thin
Iioiiho has Ixiei) newlv tit tod ui and is
iinwnncii for tho acconiniodation oi iuo
ublb. Charges roasonablo. 31 ly
CENTRAL IIOUSF.,
MOXNER t AG NEW BLOCK. L,
I AoNtw. Vronrietor. Tins U a new
uouso, and has just boon tti ted np !'r the I
Mceonimodatioii of tho public. A portion
of tho patronage of tho public is solicited.
4'i-iy
FOREST HOUSK,
o a YAliVUll PitorniETon. Opposito
Court. House. Tionesta. Pa. Just
ormnnrf. Evervthin-r new and clean and
frosh. The bost of liquors kopt constantly
on hand. A portion of tho public patron
ol'O is rosioctl'ullvsolicitcd. 4-17-lv i
" - "
W. C. COBURN, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON offers his
services to the people of Forest Co4 I
Having had an exoerienco of Twelve
Years in constant practice. Dr. Cobimi
1'iiftraiitees to eivo satisfactioii. Dr. Co-
burn makes a upooiiilty of the treatment
of Nasal, Throat, Lung and all othor
Chronic or lingering diseases. Having
investigated all scientific methods of eur
inor disease and selected tho zood from all
Hystems, he will guarantee relief or a euro
in all eases whore a euro is possiblo. No I
Cli'irrre for Consultation. All fees will bo
re-oiiablo. Professional visits mado at
nil hours. Parties at a dUtaneo can con-
kiiH h:m bv letter.
Oilier and Residence second building
I.kIdw Llin Court House. Tionesta. l a. i)t-
llcn ihivs Weilnesdavs and Saturdays. tf
Er. J. L. Acorrvb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
hfrd tifteeu years' experience in a largo
and successful practice, will attend all
Vr,fi,ssioiial Calls. Office in his Drug and
,-nrr r located in Tidiouto, near
..wtij - - ?
'idiouto llouso.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A f,.11 assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobaeco, Cigars, Stationery. Glass, 1 al
.nils. Cutlery, all of tho bel quality,
1 nilltn,
and
W ill l Hi ,
DR. ClIAS. O. DAY, an experienced
l-l,VHician and Drug-ilst lroni JNew
York,
Jias charge of the Store,
iut up actmrat.dy
All prescriptions
Jill. p. PARK. A. KBU.Y.
3IAY, rAllK cC CO.,
Comer of Elm ,fc Walnut Sts. Tionesta.
Bank of Discount and Deposit.
Interest allowed on Time Deposits.
' Collections mado on all tho Principal points
of the U, H.
Collections solicited.
18-ly.
7T -ooji sjeinanaw.I
LosU,;' l " pu 0,i A4.PJJ.
7TIT7w c liI)S.-30 Extra Mixed Via-
4
VOL. IX. NO. 21.
MWIIWMnWMHMiniMMM
Painting, Paper-Hanging &c,
T? II. CHASE, of Tionesta. offers his
-Li sorvicos to those In nood of
PAINTTNO,
GRAINING,
CALCIMTNINO,
SIZING v VARNISHING,
SIGN WRITING,
PAPEU HANGING.
AND CARRIAGE WOHK,
Work promptly attended to and '
Hutic 1 i;tlon Gnnrnntoel.
Mr. Clmso will
work In
tho country
13-tf.
when dpsirod.
WILLIA31H CO.,
MEADVILLE, - - TENN'A.,
TAXIDERMISTS.
TJIKDS and Animals stuffed and mount-
Xj cd to ordor. Artilicial Eyes kept in
HtOC'lv.
2-ly
51 ItS. . 31. IIKATIf,
DRESSMAKER, Tionesta, Pa,
TTRS. HEATH has recently moved to
1A this nlace for the purpose of meeting
a want which the ladies of the town and
countv have for a Ions time known, that
of having a dressmaker of experience
amone them. I am prepared to make all
kinds ol dresses in tlio latest atyics, anu
Kiiarantee satisfaction. Htampinp; for braid
inR and embroidery done In tho best man
ner, with tho newest patterns. All I ask
is a (air trial. Kesldoneo on water atreet.
In tho house formorly occupied by Jacob
Kiiriver. imi
TIME TRIED AND FIEE TESTED !
TIIK OKIUINAt
ETNA INSURANCE COMPANY
OF HARTFORD, CONN.
ASSETS Dec. 81, 1873,
MILES W. TATE. Sub Aeent.
45 T'onosta, Pa.
Frank Robbfn,
JT U 1 U W X. J. JLJL J4 ,
r-r a rr n n n "r tt m t
(aUUCKSSOR TO DEMINO.)
Pictures In evorv style of tho art. Views
of tho oil regions for Halo or taken to or
der.
CENTRE STREET, noar R, R. crossing.
SYCAMORE STREET. nar Union Do-
pot, on city, ra. zu-ir
PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY.
EI, HI HTHEET,
SOUTH OF ROBINSON fe BONNER'S
STORE.
Tionosta,
Pa.,
M. CARPENTER, - -
- Proprietor.
Pictures taken In
all tho latost styles
2C-U
tho art.
FINE GOLD WATCHES,
SIIVEK WATCHES ANI
JEWELBY !
Watches, Clocks, Solid ami riated
Jewelry, Black Jewelry.
Iye Glasses, Spec
tacles, Violin Strlwjs, dc, d'c.
AT L KLEIN'S JEWELRY STORE,
TIDIOUTE, PV.
WATCUE3 AND CLOCKS
Itepnircd tinl Wtii-rnutexl.
LEAVE YOUR WATCHES
at G. W. Uovard's Store, Tionesta, ra.
NEBRASKA GRIST MILL
THE GRIST MILL at Nebraska (Lacy,
town. 1 forest countv. baa been thor
nniriiiv nvw iu oil ana reiuiou in urav
elass order, and ia now ruuuing and doing
all kinds of
CUSTOM ca 11 1 K It I u.
FLOUR.
FEED, AND OATS.
Constuntly on hand, and fco4 at the very
lowest licures. . ,.
43-tini H. W. LEDEBUR
...
TIONESTA, PA.,
A. POT OF MONEY.
Ezra Alden was in love with Clara
Scu'lJer; nnd sometimes in momenta
of great exaltation for he was a mod
est youth, as ever)' true lover 6hotild
bo he had dared to think that sue
did not frown upon bis passion. But
Clara was the squire's daughter and
an heiress ; whilo Ezra was but a email
farmer, nnd so far from successful in
that pursuit, that it seemed absurd as
well as impossible, that he should as
pire to tho hand of. the lovely Miss
Scudder, who had been courted in
vaui even by fine city gentlemen, bo
ho hud sighed and cast longing looks
frorn his place in the choir (where the
S;iug in line tenor voice on cunaays;
into the squirerB pew ; and more thaD
once he thought pretty Clara blushed
brightlv and be knew well enough that
she always sqjiled sweetly : and her
voice when she spoke to him, had a
carressing sound : and altogether her
manner toward him was not discoura
cine.
liut Jiizra would not be encouraged.
...
ITe felt that it was useless for him to
ask the squire for his daughter's hand
unless he had a good pot of money in
his own hand with which to back his
proposal. So, ' instead of trying to
compass the desired end by increased
industry he neglected his little larm
more than before, and spent his whole
time in wishing that he could nnd a
pot of money somehow, in tan manuer
of old fashioned Btories at the foot of
a tree; under the foundation of his
house. I believe he would even have
sought for it at the end of the rain
bow, 1iko the boy in tho nursery
rhyme if he had beeu told there was a
good chance of hndinir it here.
buddenlv a rumor spread abroad
that a wonderful gipsy had appeared
who was tellinc people fortunes that
cam6 true in the most remarkable
manner, and all the country side was
in a state of excitement on the. sub
lect. She was of somewhat exclusive
character, tbiB madam gipsy, and
could only be consulted in a certain
place, in the shadow of a wych-elm in
the open air, and during certain hours
these hours being between the last
rays of the declining sun, and the first
shadows of the coming night.
Ol courso tho rumor ol the gipsy s
marvelous fortune telling reached
Ezra Alden, and equally of course he
was much exercised in mind concern
iog it. He found out the place where
the fortune teller divined these fair
fortunes; and one evening, after
watching the sun slowly disappear
behind the western hills, he repaired
thither; stealthily and a little afiai
of meeting Clara Scudder somewhere
in the viciuity, for the wych-elm was
on the further side of the squire's
farm. However, he met no one, ex
cept a hurried Bquirrel, fast speediug
to its home, and it was even more
scared at being met than Ezra was, so
he hastened to the wrch-elm, and
there, sure enough, was madam gipsy,
sitting curled up against the trunk
and looking precisely as it she were
waiting for him. She was a very ol
woman, bent almost double; her lined
and wrinkled face was the color
butternut, and the tangles of her hair
hung in self like, grizzled locks about
her brow and over her cheek3; but
her black eyes had a wonderful brill
iancy and such a keen look that they
seemed to see right through him. She
was wrapped ia a tattered old scarlet
cbak, and a hood of the same was
drawn well over her head. She gave
a quick nod to Ezra, and motioned
him to take a seat at her feet, which
ho did with his heart thumping as if
he were bpfore the Delphic oracle.
And when she spoke he had to bend
his head and listen very attentively,
for not only did she mutter her words
in a very toothless fashion, but sho
spoke in so low a tone that he had
some difficulty in hearing her. But
he made out that she said :
"I was expecting you, ray Bon,
and
then
I know what vou come for : and
she held out a hand even more butter
nut than her face a shaking and
tremulous hand ; and Ezra mado haste
to cross the palm with silver, that
being, as he knew, the time honored
custom, lhis happened beloro we
had begun the return to a specie basis ;
ana silver was scarce, pui 4vzr iiau
in his pocket a half-dollar piece, with
a hole in it, and a cross drawn on its
face, which he had kept many years
for luck. So, as there could be no
more auspicious occasion than the
present for usincr it, be timidly placed
? - . l '. I. 1 M n .1 Al.n!n Kent
11 1U lue glpaj unuu, aiiu ngaiu uvuv
his ear attentively to listen to her
unintelligible mumbling.
"I know the desire ot your heart,
my pretty gentleman, fiaid the gipsy
"It is a certain maiden not a hundred
miles away, only you have tho faint
heart that seldom wins a fair lady.
But if you can find a pot of money
vour spirit would be bolder. Listen
to me, aud obey me, and you shall
have your wish." Ezra did listen, with
all ha cars, and as you may suppose
u
SEPTEMBER 20, 1876.
they were iust then pretty long and
wide, aud capable of taking in a largo
amount.
"You must dig every footof land
on po53es9," proceeded the gipsy ;
you musn't grow weary in your
seaich you must dig and dig, contiu-
uously, and plant and harvest,
and
my
you
the
dig again, if necessary and, mark
words, before a very long time,
will find the pot of money, and
maiden will be yours.
Ezra listened with faith, and de
parted with joy iu his heart. He ful
filled tho fortune teller's injunctions so
well, that nil the country side took to
talking of him after tho gipsy disap
peared. He not only dug, but he
ploughed and sowed and harrowed;
he seemed taken with a sudden man-
a for farming and work, which before
md seemed distateful and monoto
nous, now, that he had an object in
view, was full of excitement and inter
est. At first he dug and dug, looking
for his pot of money ; but ns it did
not turn up, he continued to dig, full
of faith, and growing every day mora
interested in his own- efforts.
"What on earth has got into Ezra
Alden?" asked the neighbors, one of
another. "Why he has taken to work-
ng like all possessed. lie's hired a
man, too, and the pair of 'em are at it
from the first dawn of daylight to
nightfall."
"v hatevcr has got into him he S3
going to have the best crops of the,
year," answered one. "Lucky fellow.
Just when there s going bo be a raise
n nour, too, and he has no end ol
wheat growing, and in eplended con
dition."
Why, Clara, isn't thut Ezra Alden's
farm?" asked the squire, as his daugh
ter one day drove him past it, in her
pretty pony carriage
Yes, sir, returned Llara, with a
faiut pink stealing into her clear, pale
cheek.
"Has some one else farmed it then ?"
asked the squire. "There isn't anoth
er farm aroubd here fit to compare
with it."
The pink in Clara's cheek deepen
ed to a lovely crimson.
"O, no, papa, 6he said softly, "it
seems Ezra Mr. Alden. has just de
veloped a sudden talent for farming.
"Aud a very first rate talent, I
should say," said the old gentleman
"A man who can show such a larm .as
that cau hold his head as high as apy
one
Clara's eyes glowed and sparkled.
She touched ber ponies lightly ; and
her happy thought rushed off into the
future at a pace to rival even their
fast trotting.
As the neighbors had foretold, Ezra
Alden had particularly Cue crops that
season ; and his success at farming
having also developed his commercial
ability, he sold all that he bad to sell
to excellent advantage.
"Well," said Ezra, as ho counted
hia gains, and tied them securely in
his money hag, "I haven't found my
pot of money, but this little pilo is not
to be despised, and I shall keep on.
By George 1 I wonder if this was vr hat
the old gipsy meant."
Ezra had some time ou his hands
now for dreaming ; and ho took to
sighing for Clara once more, but in a
much mora hopeful spirit.
"1 will epeak to her lather, he
thought ; "and if he gives me encour
agement I will ask -Clara, plump, if
she will marry me."
Xsow some young men would have
thought it safer to win the daughter's
consent first; but Ezra was too honor
able for that.
If the squire won't have me," he
said to himself, "it's no use to ask
Clara. She would never disobey her
father. I shouldn't care half as much
for her if sho would."
So he took his money bag iu his
hand and sought tho presence of
Squire Scudder.
'ri. . : --i j: - r
xne squire sut reuuiuj a vuiuiuo ui
the Pickwick Tapers in Ins handsome
old-fashioned parlor j and being in a
very genial mood, be leceiyed ii,zra
with the most encouraging kindness,
and listened to all that he had to Bay
with a benignant smile.
"It is not a great deal," concluded
Ezra, holding up his money bag, "but
there's plenty more where I found this
sir.
"And pray, where did you find it,
Mr. Alden ?" asked the squire, rather
taken aback.
"At the roots of my wheat and bar
ley, answered Lzra ; adding, with t
lauKb. "To tell the truth, sir, J con
suited a fortune-teller, and she told
me to dig and dig, and I would cer
tainly find a pot of money. I haven't
fouud it yet. but I intend to keep on
digging, and I don't doubt but I shall
find it by and by.
Squire ScuJder burst into a hearty
laugh, and kindly patted Ezra on the
shoulder.
"I don't doubt but you will, my
lad," he said cheerily, "Honest in
dustrv is the best pot of money any
young man ever found. As for Clara,
$2 PEH ANNUM.
vou enn talk over that matter with
herself she's sitting there by the win
dow, hidden behind the curtains
Now, that was dreadful mean of the
squire, not to havo given Ezra a hint
of Clara's presence before ; but he
didn't mean it. It seems quite impos
Bible for theso old gentlemen to realize
how serious such matters are to boys
and girls.
Squire Scudder rose with a nod and
a smile, and went away, leaving Ezra
in dire contusion, staring at the win
dow curtains ; and wishing the floor
would open and swallow him. But it
didn't. Instead, tho window curtains
opened, and a lovely young lady step
ped out Jroni them.
o, Jlr. Alden, she said, coming
forward, ' you consulted the gipsy for
tune-teller, too?
"O, Miss Scudder Clara you have
heard everything," stammered Ezra,
sinking into the chair, from which he
had risen in his first consternation
"What a terrible fool you must think
mel"
"But I don't I have great confi
dence in that gipsy's predictions."
"Then you consulted her, too," said
Ezra.
"Dozens of times she beguiled me
of all my small silver."
"Wellshe got but a single piece
from me, that's some comfort," said
Ezra, recovering somewhat, and ven
turing to laugh slightly.
"Was it anything like this?" asked
Miss Scudder, producing one from her
pocket and holding it towards Ezra on
the palm of a hand like cream.
Ezra looked and started and gave a
little cry. It was his own lucky silver
piece. He glanced into the laughing,
blushing face ; and then far the first
time he looked straight into Clara
Scudder's eyes. Thsy were very, very
dark, and wouderfully brilliant ; but
this time they did not seem to look
through him they sank before his
glance and veiled themselves under
lovely, long black lashes.
"O, Clara !" murraered Ezra ;. "you
were the gipsy T
"Of courso I was."
"And you knew I loved you all the
time 7
"Of course I did, you foolish boy
that's why I had to invent a way of
telling you so."
t
A Printer's Dream.
A printer sat in bis office chair, his
boots wero patched and his coat
threadbare, and he looked weary aud
worn with care. While sadly think-
iug of business . debt, old Morpheus
slowly around him crept, aud before
he know it he soundly slept; and
sleeping he dreamed that ho was
dead, from trouble and toil his spirit
bad fled, and that not even a cow-bell
tolled for the peaceful rest of his cow
hide soul. As he wandered among the
shades, that smoke and scorch in low
er Hades, he shortly observed an irou
door that crcakingly swung on hinges
aiar, but the entrance was closed with
a red-hot bar, and, Satan himself etood
peeping out, and watching for travel
ers thereabout, and thus to tho pass
ing pi inter spoke :
"Come in, my dear, it shall cost you
nothing, and never fear : this is the
place where I cook the ones who
never pay their subscription Bums, for
though in life they may escape, they
will find when they re dead it is too
late ; I will show you the place where
melt them thin, with red-hot chains
and scraps of tin, and also where I
comb their heads with broken glass
and melted lead, and if of refreshment
they only think, there's boiling water
for them to drink : there s the redrhot
grindstone to grind 4owu his nose, and
red-hot rings to wear on Ins toes, and
if they mention they don't like fire
I'll sew up their mouths with red-hot
wire; and then, dear sir, you should
sae them squirm, while I roll them
over and cook to a turn."
With these last words tho printer
awoke and thought it all a practica
ioke. but still at times so real did it
seem, that he cannot believe it was al
a dream ; and often he thinks with t
chuckle and grin, of the fate of those
who savo their tin, and never pay the
printer,
Tho first seeds of matrimonial dis
cord are usually sown immediately af
ter going to housekeeping. It is not
because the tender wave of harmony
no longer pulsates from soul to soul.
It is because she insists on bis doing
the marketing immediately after break
fast, on a full Btomach, wnen be don'
care whether he has a canvass back
or ft boiled dish-rag for the next meal
There mav not be much gold, but
there's no questiou about the quantity
of lead in the Black Hills. Lvery In
dian has a gun full of it, and isn
stingy.
A daughter of a wealthy Watertown
farmer has distinguished herself by
raising eight little pigs on a bottlo
Suck-cess to her liter-ary efforts,
Rates of Advertising.
Ono Square (I Inol:,) one Inertion $1 50
Lne (square one month - im
One Square " three months - 6 l'
Ono Square " on o year - - 10 CO
Two Squares, one year - - ----15 0:1
Quarter Col. - - . ' - 30 tt)
Half " - - - - 00 CO
Ono ' - . - Jt)9 00
f.egal notices at established rwtes.
Marriage and death notices, grails.
All bills for yearly advertisements nol..
lected quarterly. Temporary advertise
ments must be paid for in advance.
Job work. Cash on Delivery,
The Slaughter of tho Innocents.
September has an "r" in it,
therefore, the truce botween man
and
and
the oyster is at an end. Si a Co the
first of May the gentle bivalve !ian
has passed fair days of reeponse at the '
bottoms of the creeks, holding sweet
converse with his wives and hi:
pledges of affection, but now bis gol
den dreams are over, and rakes will
begin to desecrate his bed. - 7
The oyster is of a calm and plachl
temper. He is a steady diinker, but,
yet be is never disorderly. One night
a barrel of brandy began to leak in
the cellar of a fashionable restaurant,
and when tho keeper descended . he
found a large oyster lying in a pool
of liquor in a deplorable stato of In
toxication, aud yet that oyster was
quiet and well behaved. He was what,
used to bo termed gentlemanly drunk.
He lay decidedly aslant, opening and
shutting his mouth in a somewhat
maudlin way, and smiling benignly
on the company. Uentlcmen of too
old school used very frequently to get
n tins condition, and when so weYe
fteu more offensive in their manners
than the oyster. Besides, in this case,
the brandy came after the oyster,
whereas the gentleman of the old '
school, aud of the new school, too, for
that matter, go after the brandy.
What could that unhappy oyster do
when the tide of brandy rose around
um but get drunk. Tut the most ad
vanced temperance man in a pool of
brandy, and he will necessarily get
drunk by absorptiou, in spite of his
temperance principles. lie was as
morally irresponsible as the temper
ance twin of the compact. For the
wicked Eng used to drink the whisky,
and Chang got drunk. The oyster is
a creature of staid acd conservative
principles. He is never led off bv any
new-fangled notions or captivating
isms. His shell is hard, and thus he
impervious to new ideas. When
the oysters arc torn from their native
rocks and butchered to make a Ro
man holiday, they never murmur or
anient, lhey come up smiling and
say Ave I morituri te talutant. lie ia
always welcome; for a little, little
breakfast, he reveals all his finger
emotional and mural qualities, whun
broiled and laid on toast ! for a littlo
lunch, raw, lying within his own
pearly residence, with just a touch of'
etnonjuico; at dinner ho presents
himself in many captivating guises;,
and, at a late supper, wicked and car-;
nafminded men take unholy delights
in him ruasted in the shell. From '
September first to April thirtieth, tho
oyster is slain by thousands, ton or
thousands and millions. The walrus
and the carpenter aro equally his foes,
and. he has no one to defend him. Ho
has a heart; his case is very hard.
A Chicopee man had a cat which he
cared no longer to possess. lie took
the animal into the garden, struck it.
nine times on the head with a ham-
mer, and, as it still moved, he boxed
its ears with a spade, and then buried
it. Next morning that cat walked se
renely in to breakfast, willing to forget
thepast.
At the French Assembly, 7:15 p. va,
Speaker (aside to member): "For heav
en s sake finish your speech I 1 give a.
dinner party to-uight." Member (aaJo
to Speaker): "I know it. Another time
you'll invite me,"
If anybody doubts that England
has a claim to be still called the "tight
little isle," he will find ou consulting
the documents that thrco hundred
thousand Englishmen were arrested
for drunkenness last year. , , -
The only quotation which seems to
be thoroughly understood by a straw-
cutter, is that which nays : "All flesh
is grass, This leads the cutter into
frequent errors, and makes it an un
pleasant companion for small chil
dren.
The judge the other morning asked
a prisoner charged with drunkenness
what he intended to do, He replied
frankly, that he "wasn't hia own bota.
this morning."
Said Mr. Tapley, of Danbury, feel
ing softly of his noeo, "I don't want to
be too hopeful or sanguiue, but I be
lieve I'm going to have a boil."
A newsboy says of the
new star
"If aty
splangled handkerchiefs;
man aims a blow at the-
American
flag, spot him ou the snoot."
Professor of Rhetoric "What im
portant change came over Burns iu
the latter part of bis life?" Senior
,'JJe died.
No mau should part with hia indi
viduality and become that of another,
Channing.
It is proposed to send An amateur
brass band to Montana and make tho
Indians go West.
Thousands of base deceivers are hung
every night on the backs of chains.
fol. Co., . i