She covwt $tpuMifari.
is runi,ism:i) kvkiiy wkdnehday, by
V. 11. DUNN.
rriCE IK ROBINSON k BONNER'S BUILDIHO
ELM BTREET, TIONESTA, FA.
TERMS, $'2.(10 A Y H A It.
ffo Subscriptions received fir n shorter
(Kvi lrid limn three months.'-'
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of the country. Nouotico will bo taken of
niiiion vmoiin common iciktlinm.
. Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one inertion - f 1 fiO
One Square " ono month - - 8 ("I
One Square " three niontlin - H 00
iiionqimre " ono year - iu uo
wo ."Square, ono year - l. on
quarter Uol. ' . - HO On
Half " " .... 50 (Ml
One " .... 100 00
Legal notices at established rntps.
Marriairo and death notices, gratis.
All bllln for vpjirl v nfl vnrtisemmitM col
lected quarterly. Temporary ndverliNC-
VOL. VIII. NO. 22.
TIONESTA,., SEPTEMBER 8, 1875.
$2 PER ANNUM.
cnts must ho pnla ror in advance.
Job work, Cash on Delivery.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONESTA LODGE
Ao. aun.
I. O. of O. IV.
MEETS every Friday evening, nt 7
o'clock, in tli" Hull lormorly occupied
'iv the Good Templars.
A. II. KELLY, X. O.
. A. RANDALL, Secy. 27-tf.
riONESTA COUNCIL," N0.342,
O. U. -A.. M.
Al
EETS nt Odd Fellows' Lodfio Room,
every Tuesday evening, nt 7 o'clock.
J. T. DALE, C.
1. M. CLARK, R. S. 81.
Dr. W. W. Powell,
OFFICE and residence opposite tlio
Lawrence llnuso. Oillcodnys Wednes
days and Saturdays. 2-tf.
T. 11. A(iNKW,
Attorney at Law, - Tionesta, Pa.
Ofllco on Elm Street.
May HI, 1N7."..-If
E. L. Davis,
A TTOUNEY AT I, AW. Tionesta, Pa.
J Collections uiado in this and adjoin
ing counties, 40-ly
i i i : h" v . rv v t i:,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
li tl,-fl, TlOXK'irA, PA
F.W.Hays,
TTOUNEY AT LAW, and
J Pi'iil.li, Reynolds Unklll
Xotauy
fc Cn.'s
Jllock, Seneca St., Oil City, Pa.
.ni-iv
f. KIN Mi A II. . B. SMII.KV
li IS SEA It C SM ILE Y,
Attorneys at Law, ... Franklin, Pa.
IJRACTICK lirtlio several Courts of Ve
nango, Crawford, Forest, nnd adjoin
Inn pollution. 311-ly.
B AUREUS and IIalrdrespr. Hmear
bauli buitiliiiK. KIi" Hwltelipa,
l-rl'..nn. llraicls. CiirlH. mado from
CoiiiIiiiil'm. Harinir Httlpd oprniHiipiitly
in tlilM pluep, tliey dt'Hiro the patmnaitp of
the putilip. sallMiiu-iion nuamiiiovii. iu .ui
TIDIOTJTE., IP. -A..
W. I. UUt'KI.IX, - PnoHtiKTon,
I'rlHt-ChiHH IJcuiisod IIoiihc. GimmI sta-
lilo eoiuioeted.
l:l-ly
" CENTRAL HOUSE,
noNNKIt .v AGNKW DLOf'K. L.
13 Aiinkw. Prom-ietor. ThiM Ih a iipw
li jusp, ami has just brn-n fitted up for the
iicemiiiniMliilioii of tho public. A portion
if tho lmtronaio of tlio public Is Molloitod.
4l-ly
Lawrcrvce House,
T
-IONKSTA. PA.. WILLIAM
LAW
HUNCH, Pmn-niKToii. This housA
is centnillv located.- Everylhini,' now ami
veil funiUhod Superior accommoda
tionsiind strict attention given to (juests.
Vaueliibles and Fruit of nil kinds aervod
in their seam. Suiuiilo room for Coni
iiioi'vIhI Agents.
FOREST HOUSE,
O A. VAltNEH Phoimuktou. Opposite
Court lloiiso, Tioiipstn, Pa. Just
opened, l'vervlhimi now and clean and
liih. The bct of liquors kept constantly
on hand. A portion of the publio ptitron-n-.;u
is respectfully solicited. 4-17-1 V
C. D. Weber's Hotel,
rpYLKUSlUTKGH.PAf C. R.WK.nKR,
X has possession of tho new brick hotel
and will Ve happy to entertain all Ills old
customers, and any numhpr of new ones.
4ioo I accommodation for guests, and ex
cellent stablinjj. l0-3in.
Dr. J. L. Acorfjb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURG HON, who liaa.
1 had lillepn years' experience in a larjre
nnd suiH'ewsiui practice, win kiiciiu h
Vroressional Calls. Olllce ill his Driitf and
4irocory Store, linalod in Tidioute, near
Tiiiiouto lloiiso.
IN HIS STORK WILL RE FOUND
A full AHSO rtmeiit of Medicines. Liquors
l.l.n-i Clirarn. Stationorv. Glass. Paints,
His, Cutlery, all of the host quality, and
will be sold at reasonable rates.
DR. CHAS. O. DAY, nn experienced
Physician anil DrnjrAlst from New York,
lias chai'KO of tho Store. All proscriptions
put up accurately.
II. U. SAY. JSO. 1'. r.lKK. . B. KW.LY.
MA Y, VA11K .C CO.,
3 A U K E E, S
Corner of Elm it Walnut Sts. Tionesta.
Ilauk of Discount and Deposit.
Interest allowed on Time Deposits.
Collections niadoon all the Principal points
of tho U. S,
Collections solicited. lS-ly.
D. W. CLARK,
coMMlHSlOMHtt'D Ul.kW. FOHKST CO., PA.)
HEAL ESTATE AQBNT.
HOUSES and Lots for Kale and RENT
Wild I-ands for Halo. A.
I hav superior facilities for ascortalnlim
the condition oi taxes aim im uewis,
mid urn therefore qualiliod to act intolli.
nently as aitont of those living at a dis.
i nuniiof lands ill tho County,
Ollico ill Coiiiniissioncrs Kooni, Court
House, Tloiicsta, Pa.
4-41-ly. D.W.CLARK.
i''7i i.. "
WANTED. I'vcrvboily to know that
Four-Fold l.luluiPtit is tlio loadiiiR Lini
i fr ciiriuu all kind of Pains and
'ei,i-...iis and for Horses, t.'uttle. itc,
w tint IlilkSL siiiuMissl'ul Liniment in the
..... ,-i,i .Sun .ii-ciilars around bottles,
Syld by all 1 inii-'si
Lj')-1 v com
Painting, Paper-Hanging &c,
It. CIIASF, of Tionesta, offprs Ills
npr"lcca to thoso in need, or
PAINTING,
(;kaininii,
C'ALCl MINING,
sizing Varnishing,
shin writing,
paper hanging.
AND CARUIAGK WOKK,
Work iroinptly attended to and
Nn 1 1m Oict Ion CJMimitol.
Mr. Chase will work In
tho ronntry
la-tf.
when desired.
NEW HARNESS SHOP,
TUST oppnpd next
door north of tlie
The nndprHlirned is
J Lawrpnco House.
prepared to do nil kinds of work in bis
line In tho best stylo and on short noUuo,
XKW II A II X 13 H H
A Kpoplnll v. Keeiis on hand a fliioassort-
mviit of Curry Combs, finishes, llarnoss
Oil). Whins, and Ha kilos. Harness of all
Kinds made to order and enpnp ns vne
rheaposu Itpniembpr tho name and place
Xorth of iAwronco House.
14-ly Tionesta, Pa.
M US. . 91. in: ATI I,
DRESSMAKER, Tioneste, Pa.
M
HS. IIKATII lias rocontly moved to
this place lor the purpose or mceiinii
a want which the ladies of the town and
county Imvo for a lonjr time known, that
of liavinit a dressmaker of experience
nmont tliHin. Iam prepared to make all
kinds of dresses in the latest stylos, and
icuarantoo satislHetion. Stamping for braid
inir and einbroidcrv done in the best man
ner. with the newest patterns. 'All i asK
Is a (air rial. Residence on Water Street,
In the house formerly occupied by Jacob
Mirtver. mi
Frank HobbliiM,
PHOTOGRAPHER ,
(sUCCKSHon TO DKMIMO.)
Pictures In every sty leof the art. Vlowa
of the oil region for sulo or takon to or
der. CEXTRU STRKKT, noar r R. crossing.
SYCAMORK STRRET, near Union De
pot, Oil City, Pa. 20-tf
PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY.
ELM HTRERTi
SOUTH OF RORIXSON A HOXNER'S
STORK.
Tionesta,
CARPENTER, - -
Pa.,
- Proprietor.
M.
Pictures takon In all the latest styles
tho art. -r aa-tr
I.riCIKIN,
(In BO YARD t- tX).'SSU)ro, TionosUi, Ta.)
I'UACTIOAI.
WATCHMAKER & JEWELER,
DEALER IX
U'ttU-hett, Clock, Solid ami riated
Jewelry, ltlack Jewelry,
Eye Glasses, Spec
tacles, t'lolln StrimjH, fr., ('.
Will examine and repair Fine Himlish,
Swiss or Aincrican Watches, such as Re
peatprs, IndeiHmdent Seconds, Stem
Winders, Duplex, Levers, Anchors and
IxipinsH, and will make any new pieces
for the same, such as Starts, Forks, Pel
lotts, Wheols, Pinions, Cylinders, Bar
rels, Arbors, and In fact any part apper
taining to tine watches.
Vll AVoi-lc "Viii'i-uutol.
I can safely
that any work undertaken by mo will bo
done iii such a manner aud nt such prices
for
(JOUD WO II It
that will (rive satisfaction to all who may
favor me with their orders.
L. KLEIN,
14-ly Author of "Tlio Wuteh."
You Can Nave Money
Hy buying your PIANOS and ORGANS
Hum tho understood luanuiaciuiwa
Agent, lot the lost brands in the murket
Instruments shipped direct from the Fae
lorv. CHAS. A. SlidI'., Tuner,
:j Iv I,':, I ox 171'i, Oil City, Pa.
.era w liwm i m jl
A RUNAWAY WATCH.
Many Year since, there dwelt in the
town of P . a pretty village distant
home twenty miles from .the market
town.a peculiarly comely and graceful
maiden, who had a peculiarly ugly and
cross-grained, but wealthy father.
Minnie was JDaDiorlh only child,
and report said she would be his sole
legatee. The old man was a sturdy far
mer, and was estimated to be worth full
ten thousand dollars at that period a
very handsome fortune, to be sure.
ThesnnrklintTpvKS and winninor wavs
of Minnie Danforth had stirred up the
finer feeling of the whole male portion
of the village, and her suitors were nu
merous; but her father was particular,
and none succeeded in making headway
with him or her.
In tho meantime, Minnie had a true
and loval lorer in secret. His name
was Valker Joe Joe Walker, and
he was simply a farmer, employed by
old Danforth, who had entrusted Joe
with the management of his place fur
two or three years.
But a very excellent farmer and good
manager was the plain, unassuming but
good-looking Joe Walker. He was only
twenty-three, and he actually fell in
love with the beautiful, pleasant joyous
Minnie Danforth, his old employer's on
ly daughter. But the strangest part of
the occurrence was, that Minnie re
turned his love earnestly, truly and
frankly, and promised to wed him at a
favorable time.
Things went on merrily for a time
but old Danforth discovered certain
glances and attentions between them
which excited his envy and suspicion.
Very soon afterwards Joe learned the
old mau's mind indirectly, in regard to
t - r... j: i ..e Xf : l.-.l
ins luiure disposal ui minuie iibiiu,
and he. quickly saw that his case was a
hopeless one, unless he resorted to strat
agcra; aud so he set his wits at once to
work.
By agreement, an apparently settled
coldness was observed by the lovers to
wards each other fur five or six months,
and the father saw, as he thought, with
satisfaction, that his previous suspicion
and fear had been all premature. Then,
by agreement also between them, Joe
absented himselt trora the house at
evenings; and night after night, for full
three months, did Joe disappear as soon
as his work was finished, to return home
only at late bed-time. This was unusu
al, and old Danforth determined to
know the cause of it.
Joe frankly confessed that he was in
love with a man s daughter, who resid
ed less than three miles distant; but af
ter. a faithful attachment between them
for several months,.the old nfau had ut
terly refused entertain his applica
tion for the young lady s hand.
This was canilal: iust what old Dan'
forth -most desired. This eatisfidPhim
that he bad made a mistake in regard
to his own child; and be would help Joe
get ma rued and thus stop aJJ further
suspisfous or trouble at mime, do ne
said:
"Well, Joe, is she a buxom lass?"
"Yes yes," said Joe," "That is,
other folks say so. I'm not much of a
judge."
"And you like her?"
"Yes, sir yes."
"Then marry her," said old Dan
forth. "I can't the father objects"
"Pooh!" continued Danforth,"lethin
'do so, what need you care? Kuu away
with her."
"Elope?"
"Yes! Off with you at once! If the
gal will join you all right. Marry her
and bring her here; you shall have the
cottage at the foot ot thelaue. 1 11 lur-
I K r I It 1. .
uish it for vou: your wages shall be in
creased, aud the old man may like
or not, as he will.
J3UI
"No buts, Joe. Do us I bid you! go
about it at ouce, and "
. "You will stand by me?"
"Yes, to the last. I know you, Joe.
You're a good fellow, a gooJ workman,
and will make anybody a good son cr
husbaud."
"The old fellow will be so mad,
though."
"Who cares, I say? go ou quickly,
but quietly."
"'lo morrow night, then," said Joe.
"Yes," said .Danforth.
"IUl hire" Clovers horse"
u,.wNo, you shan't."
"No?"
"I sav no. Take bit horse the best
one Young Morgan; he'll take you off
m fine style, in the new phaston.
"Exactlv."
"As soon as you're spliced, come
right back here, and a jolly time we'll
have of it at the old house.
"Her father will kill me."
"Bah! He's an old fool, whoever he
is; don't know your good qualities, Joe,
as well as I do. Dou't be afraid; a fuiut
heart, you kuow, never won a fair ludy."
"The old mau will be astounded."
"Never mind, go on. We'll turn the
laugh ou him. I'll take care of you
and your wife, at a:iy rate."
"I ll do it," replied Joe.
"You shall," said Danforth; and they
parted in the best of spirits.
An hour after dark, on the following
evening, Joe made his appearance,
decked in a new black suit, aud really
looking very comely. The old man
bustled out to the barn with him, help
ing to harness "Young Morgan" to the
new pliajton, and leading the spunky
animal himself to the road, away went
the happy Joe Walker in search of his
bride. A 4ew rods distant from the
house he found her,as per previous ar
rangement, and repairing to the next
village, the parson very quickly made
them one in holy wedlock. Joe took
the bride and soon dashed back to the
town of P , and halted at old Dan-
forth's house, who was already looking
for him, and who received him with
open arms.
"is it doner cried the old man.
"Yes yes!" answered Joe.
"Bring her in, bring her," continued
the old fellow, in high glee; never
tnind compliments; no matter about
the dark entry; here, here, Joe to the
right, in the parlor, we 11 have, a jolly
time now," and the anxious farmer
pushed away for lights, reluming al
most immediately.
"Here's the certificate, sir," said Joe.
"Yes. yes"
"And this is my wife," he added, as
he passed up the beautiful bride the
bewitching and lovely Minnie Dan-
forth!
"What!" roared the father," Joe you
villain, -you scamp, you audacious
cheat, you you you "
It is true ir, we nje lawiuliy mar
ried. You ai""t to this course,
you assiatelfv4e, you planned the whole
Hair, you lent me your horse, you
thoucrht me. last eveniuc, worthy of
any man's child, you promised me the
cottage at the foot of the lane, you
"1 didn t; 1 deny it. Xoit can t prove
it you're a a a "
"Calmjawiiow sir," continued Joe,
and the entreaties of the happy couple
were at once united to quell the old
man's ire, and to persuade him to ac
knowledge their union.
The fiit her relented at this. It was a
job of his own manufacture, and he
saw how useless it would be finally to at
tempt to destroy it.
lie gave in reluctantly, and the fair
Minnie Danforth was overjoyed to.be
duly acknowledged ns Mrs. Joe Walk
er. The marriage proved a happy one,
and the original assertion of old Dan
forth proved truthful in every respect.
The cunning lover was a good son and
a fuithful hustand, and lived many
years to enjoy the happiness rvnicn tot
lowe.d up the runaway match; while
the old man never cared to hear much
about the details of the elopement, for
he saw how completely he had over-
shot his mark! 9
TIIK OH
OF 8EXKS.
Aristophanes, the funny man of clas
sic Greece, gives the following mvth
"Once upou a time mau had three-
sexes ana a aouoie nature: nesiues
i i l . 11
this, he was perfectly round, ttnd had
four hands and four feet, one head
with two faces looking opposite ways,
set on a siugle neck. When these
creatures pleased, they could walk as
we do now. but if they wanted to go
faster they would roll. over with all
their four less in the air, like a turn
bier turning summersaults ; aud their
pride and strength were such that they
made war upon the gods. Jupiter re
sented their insuleuce, but hardly
liked to kill thorn with thucderbolts,ns
the gods would then lose their Bacri
faces. At last he hit upon a plan. "
will cut tbera in two, he said, "so
that they wi
ill wtrJS on two legs instead
foBrwj-hey wWi tfea be only I
ag ingoent,but twice as numerous,:
half
.and
we shall get twice as many sacrifices.
Ibis was done, and the two halts are
continually going about looking for
one another; if we mortals (says
Aristophanes, with a comic air of sp
prehension,) are not obedient to the
gods, there is a danger that we shall
be split up again, and shall have to
co about in basso-relievo, like those
figures with only half a nose which
you may see sculptured on our cot
urn us. ,
Rome Sentinel: Ihe young man
who sat on the front steps of a Floyd
avenue house all day yesterday, was
not ou a wairer. as was generally bud
posed. The steps were newly painted
with a patent paint, Saturday, and the
paint was nut dry bund ay eveumg
when the young man sat dowu there
to talk with his intended at the parlor
window. He was not ready to go un
til midnight, and then fouud the pain
under hitu was dry. Last night they
loosened the plank on which he sat,
aud he carried it carefully home be
hind him.
A witty Troy girl, having drauk
some nauseous medicine by Mistake,
id to her mother: "It is said that one
swallow doesn't make spring, but that
swallow made tue ppnug six tccf.
TIIR Bl'BKAf nilAWF.K.
The man who will invent a bureau
drawer which will move ou t and in With
out a hitch will not only securo a for
tune but attain to an eminence ih his
tory Dot second to the greatest war
riors. There is nothing perhaps (al
ways excepting a stove pipe), that will
so exasperate a man as a bureau drawer
which will not shut, it is a deceptive
article. It will start off all right,
then it pauses at one end while the
oilier swings in as far as it can. It
is the custom to throw the whole
weight of the person -against the end
which sticks. If any oue has succeeded
in closing a drawer by so doing he will
confer a favor by sending his address
to this office. We have seen men do
this several times, and then run from
the oilier side of the room and jump
with both feet against the obstinate
end. This doesn't appear to auswer the
purpose any better, but is very satis
lying. Mrs. Halcomb was trying to
shut a bureau drawer, Saturday tuoru
;ue, but it was a failure. Finally she
burst into tears. Then Mr. Halcomb
told her to Blaod aside and see him do
it.
"You see," said Mr. Halcomb, with
quiet dignity, ''that the drawer is all
awry, lhavs what makes it stick.
Now anybody but a woman would see
at once that to move a drawer in that
position would be impossible, i now
bring out this other end even with the
other; so. Then 1 take hold of both
knobs, and with an equal pressure
from each hand the drawer moves eas
ily in. See?"
The dreadful thing moved readily
forward for a distance of nearly two
inches. Then it stopped abruptly.
"Ah!" observed Mrs. Halcomb, begin
ning to look happy again.
Mr. Halcomb very properly made
no response to this ungenerous
expression, but he gently moved each
eud of the drawer to and fro, but with
out success. Then he pulled the draw
er all the way out, adjusted it prop
erly, and started it carefully back. It
moved as it it was on oiled wheels
Mr. Halcomb smiled. Then it stopped
Mr. Halcomb looked solemn. -
'Perhaps you ain't got the ends ed
usied," suggested the uuhappy Mrs
Halcomb.
Mr. Halcomb made no reply. Were
it not for an increased flush in his face
it might have been doubted if he heard
the remark at all. He pushed harder
at the drawer than was apparent to her,
but it didn t move. lie tried to bring
it back again, but it wouldn t come
"Aro you sure you have got every
thing out of here you want?" he finally
asked, with a desperate etlort to ap
pear composed.
"Uh, that s what you are stopping
for is it? But you needn't; I have got
what i wanted; you can shut it righ
up." Then she smiled a very wicked
smile,
He grew redder in the face, and set
his teeth firmly together, and put hiB
strength to the obdurate drawer, while
a hard look gleamed in bis eye.
But it did not move. He pushed it
harder.
"Ooh." he groaned.
"I'm afraid you haven't get the end
adjusted," she. maliciously suggested
A scowl settled on his lace while he
strained every muscle in the pressure.
"What dumb tool put this drawer
together, I'd like to kuow?" he suapped
out.
She made no reply, but she felt that
she herd not kuowu such happiness
since the day she stood before the alta
with him, aud orange blossoms in he
hair.'
"I'd like to kuow what in thund
you've been doing to this drawer, Jane
Halcomb?' be jerked out.
. "1 am t done anything to it, bl
replied.
"1 know better, he asserted.
"Well, know what you please for all
I care, sho sympallnzingly retorted
The cords swelled up on his neck
and the corners of his mouth grew
white.
"I'll shut that drawer or I'll know
the reason oi it," he shouled; aud li
iumf
kick
umped up aud gave it a passionate
"O. my!" she exclaimed
He dropped on his kuecs again an
grabbed hold of the knobs, and swaye
and pushed al them with all his tmgi.
but it didu't move.
"Why in heaveu'a name don't you
open the window? go you want
smother me?'1 ho passionately cried.
It was warm dreadfully warm
The prespiratiuu stood in great ilroi
ou his face, or ran down iuto hisueck
The birds sang merrily out the doo
and the glad suushine lay in goldu
sheet upou the earth; but he did not
notice them. He Would have given five
dollars if he had uot touched the ao
cursed bureau: he would have give
teu if he had never been born. II
threw all his weight on both knob
It niuved then. It went to its place
with a suddeuuess that threw him Irom
his balance, aud brought his fac
against the bureau with i'urco cnoii
to skin his nose and fill his eves with
water to a degree that was blinding.
Then he went out on the back stoop,
nd sat there for an hour, scowlrne at
the scenery.
One dav CoVnel Kisk won shnwinir
Mr. Travers over thgfjj'lymouth Rock,
the famous Long Branch boat. After
showing the rest of the vessel he poin
ted to two large portraits ot himself and
Mr. Uotild, hanging a little distanco
part, nt the head ot the stairway.
There savs the Colonel," w hat do you
think of them?" "They're good. Colo
nel you hanging on one side nnd
Gould on the other; f-i-r-s-t rate. But,
Colonel, continued the wicked Mr.
Travers, buried in thought, "w-where's
our Savior?" Mr. Travers, who is a
vestryman in Grace Church, says he
knows it was wicked, but ho could'nt
have helped it if he'd been nn his dy-
ng bed.
"O, Lord, thou kno'vest," prayed a
Connecticut deaccn, "that I am afflict
ed with a most impious and depraved
bou. Thou knowest that he will swear,
and lie, and steal, and do all sinful
thiugs. Thou knowest that on lust
Sabbath ho was seen walking down
the principal street in the village, with
his hands in his pockets, whistling the
following ungodly tuuo:" and tho
congregation were as'ouuded to hear
"Yankee Doodle" flow melodiously
from the deacon's pursed-up lips.
When a boy succeeds in convincing
his mother that he was not swimming
n the river that his hair wa made
wet by prespiraliou while "helping
Bill Tim in ins to catch a chicken just
uow" you might just as well try to ex
plain the Schleswig-Holstein question
as to undertake to describe the awful
expression of that boy's face when his
mother subsequently discovers that he
has on another boy s shirt.
A Detroit bachelor, not rich, but
industrious and respectable, entered
the house of a respectable widow on
Baker street, the other day, aud said :
'Airs. Ulank, 1 11 give you just three
minutes to say whether you'll be my
wife or not." "I only want fifteen sec
onds yes I" she answered, and then
they sat down and began, to plan how
many tomatoes they would can this
summer.
A father fearing an earthquake in
the region of his home, sent his two
sons to a distant friend's until the peril
should be over. A few" weeks after,
the father received this letter from his
friend: "Please take your boys home
and send down the earthquake."
One morning a little four-year-old
boy lay awake in his crib. His bead
seemed to be stopped wilh a cold. Af-,
ter vainly suffering for a while to
clear it, ho exclaimed: "Mamma,
what is the matter with one Bide of
my nose ? it won't go."
"The greatest obstacle to being he
roic is the doubt whether one may not
be going to prove one's self a fool.
Ihe truest heroism is to 'resist the
doubt, aud the protoundest wisdom is
to know when it ought to be resisted
aud when to be obeyed."
When the Rome (N. Y.) Sentinel
gives advice, it always has an eye on
the main chance; as, for instance,
when it says : "When the weather is
such that you can not work in-your
hay held, sit dowu and renew your
subscription."
Nebraska planted twelve million
trees last year. This may seem a
small number as compared with Ne
braska's necessities, but it must be re-1
niembered that four horse-thieves can.
be bung on each tree. '"'
A young man In Lancaster sent a
dollar to a firm in New York, who ad
vertised a receipt to preveut . bad
dreams. He received a small slip of
paper, on which was printed, "Dou't
go to sleep."
The model husband lives in Phila
delphia. He never allows his wife to
do more than half the work. She puts
up all tho canned fruit in the summer,
aud he puts it down in the winter.
You can travel all day iu New
Hanijishiro and not find any door
plates, but then the kitchen floors are
us white as chalk and all the girls can
bake bread.
Burn urn's uew fut womau demanded
more salary the other day, and when
it was refused, she went right away
aud hired to play the piano in a sa
loon. A man who was up in a police court
recently, gave his occupation as that
of a "couuhologist," aud explained by
saying that he openod oysters at mar
ket. A female justice of the peace iu
Wyoming had to stop to pin up her
hair while solemuly eentoiicing a pris
oner to three month iu jail.
Some mou aru like pyramids, which
are very bioad where they touch tho
ground; but grow narrower as they
reach tlio bkv.