i runusiiF.n every Wednesday, by
W. 11. DUNN".
mcB m nonmaoN a bonitor's Butlddjq,
ELM STREET, TIDNE8TA, PA.
TKRMS, f2.()0 A.YKAR.
Na r"hibcrlptions reeriTod for A shorter
period timi throo months.
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of Mi country. No noilen will bo Inkoa uf
nnonymom communication.
LJ 1 ". 1 -J
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TinnrsTA T.rmoT
r xo. sou,
O.ofO. IT.
MEFT3 every Friday ovenlnir, nt 8
o'clock, In the 1 1 nil lorniorly occupied
fcr tho Uood Tomplnis.
W. R. DUXiV.N. .
Q. W. SAW YF.R, Sec'y. 27-tf.
Dr. J. E. Blaine,
OFFICK nnd rcsidonco opposite tlio
Lawrcfieo Hotrse. OINoodays Wodiics
slay and .Saturday. 3'i-tf.
W. P. Morcllllott,
ATTORNF.Y AT 1, AW, cor. F.lm nnd
Walnut Sin., Tionesta, l'a. I liavo
associated myself with Hon. A. It. Rich
mond, of Mondville, l'a,, lit tho practice of
law lu Forest County. 10-ly
KVTO 1'BTTm. MILFN Vf. TATE.
PKTTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
.4 la r, ' TTOXESTA, PA.
" F. W. H.iys,
ATTORNltT AT LAW, and
PciiLic, Reynold HuUill
Slock, Seneca fit., Oil City, Fa.
NoTART
A Co.'s
3-lV
r. RIM BAR.
I. D. "MILKY.
Attorney at Law, - - - Franklin, Pa.
TJRAOTICE In ovoral Court of e
X
uiuiko, Crawford, Foreat,
nud
adjoin-."Vu-lr.
log enmities.
. ninui, i. d. kassktt,
jiarri$ c fawett,
etorneya at Law, Tttuavllle Fsnn'a.
PRACTICE In all tho Court of Warren,
(irawford. Forest and Venango 'mili
tia. '
CENTRAL HOUSE,
BONKKR A AOXKW RLOCK. I,.
Aonkw. l'ronriotor. This is n now
house, and has just been fitted up for tho
aooom limitation oi me puniie. a pomon
of the patronage of the public 1 aolicited.
, Lawreico Houie,
miOXEBTA. PA.. WILLIAM I.AW
L HENCE. Propriftoh. Thia house
1 entrajly located. Kvnrylhlng now and
well l'urnlheil ajuponnr ancommoii.v
Won and atrlet attention clren to truest
Veeetable and Fruit of nil kinds nervod
In their season. Satnplo room for Com
mercial Agent?.
FOREST HOUSK,
T ttLAC'K PnoPlUKTOIt. Opposite
AJ. Court II on .), Tionesta, Pa. Jnat
oaeaad. Kvervthinir now and clean and
fresh. Tho best of liquor kopf constantly
n hand. A portion of the public, patron
jui i raaneotfully olicitod. 4-17-lT
Tloncata House.
GT. LATIMEH lessee, F.lm St. Tio-
aesU. Pa., at the mouth of the crook,
Mr. 1. lias tliorouiihlv renovated tiio
Tioaaita lloum. and ro-furnisliod it com
aleUilv. All who patronize him will be
well entertained at reasonable rBtes. 37 ly
- 1
EnpIVe Hotel.
rnrnni'TR. PA. II. ENVALT). rnopniE
L tor. Tliis hoiiMO is centrally loonted,
li,u hoc!ii thorouirhlv rolutod and now
limtMtu nu iroml n tutilo hnd bods na nnv llo
tol in tho oil roL'lons. Transient only ?2.00
nor ilav. -fc-tm
C. B. Weber's Hotel, "
Tvi.ernburoh.pA. r. u. wkrer,
has possession of tlio new briek hotel
and will be happy to entertain all his old
customers, and any miiiiher of new ones.
Good accommodations for guests, unil ex
cellent stabling. 10-Sm.
Dr. J. L. Aconb,
PHYSICIAN AN1 Sl'HGKON, who hmt
had fifteen years' experience in a larpra
nnd successful piati-c, will attend all
Professional Culls. Oflleo in his Drujr. and
Urocery Store, located in Tidiouto, near
Tidioute House.
IN HIS STORK WILL RE FOUND
A full aseortment of Medicine, I.ifUora
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, all of tho best quality, and
will bo sold" at reasonablo ratos.
DR. CIIAS. O. DAY, an experienced
Plivsioian and Druggist from Now York,
has chai'KO of the SL.ro. All proscriptions
put up accurately.
a. a. hat. jmi. r. rAitk. a. a. kkllt.
MA Y, V ARK. C CO.,
B A H K B B S
Corner of Elm A Walnut Sta. Tionesta.
Bank of Discount and Doposit.
Interest nllowod on Time Deposit.
t'ollaotions niadoonnll tlioPrinuipal point
of tho U. S,
Colloctions aoiicited. 18-ly.
" D. W. CLARI
(COHMISSIONKR'8 CLEUK, FOllKST CO., FA.)
HEAL ESTATE AGENT.
OUSE.S and Lota for Sulo and REN
T.
V ild liuds fur Sale,
'I have superior facilities fir ascertaining
ie condition of taxes and tax iloeda, Ae.,
ami am therofure fpialiuert to act intelli
gently as acnt oi those, living ul a uis
uiimi. owuiuit lands in the County.
Ollloe iu ConunlsBionurs Room, Court
Ji.mso, Tionesta, l a.
4-41-ly. D.W.CLARK.
NEW BILLIARD ROOMS!
ADJOINING the Tionesta House, at the
mouth of Tiouosta Crock. Tho tables
and room lire now, and everything kept in
order. To lovers of the (jamo a eordiul
Invitation is extended to como and pluy
in the new room.
tf li. T. LATIM EI!, Le-see.
VOL. VII. NO. 23.
II IiHTAl'UAJfT.
J
ACnil SMEAT?nAt'iH hns nttod tip
tlic storo-biiibliirj north of Tab' s law
oflicc, for n rpsbiiiriml, a.id rill bo pleased
i) wo his fiends tlicrn. r rcsii Door on
draught. Also ale, donioKtie wines Ac.
Cold lunches nt nil times-, and oysters In
all stylos, in their season. l-i-ly
WM.-F. BLUrV.,
BLACKSMITH
AND
WAGON-MAKER,
Corner of Church and Elijl Streets, .
TIONE8TA PA.
Thia Arm Is prepared to do nit work in
Us line, nnd will warrant everything done
at their aliopa to plve aatisfaetion. Par
ticular attention given to
IIOISSE-.SIIOF.IXG,
Oie them a trial, and yon will not re
ttretit. 1''",y:.,-
PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY.
ELM HTKKET,
SOUI'lI OF ROniNSON, A BONNER'S
Tionesta, Pa.,
CARPENTER, Proprietor.
M.
r
..... -I.
Pictures taken in all tho latest styles
tho art. K 'MS-lf
PAPA BALinVIX
Ha Opened a
f
SEWING MACHINE . DEPOT
In his
BOOT and SHOE STORK,
And in coneJion wit hi other businoss
ho ha ')iistiitly in atoro tho
(
CKOVEK A 6AKER,
D0MKST10, .
VICTOR,
WILSON SHUTTLE,
,J WHITNEY,
HOWE,
) RLEES,
. ' WHEELER A WILSON,
) HOME SHUTTLE,
; and will
FURNISH TO ORDER
any Sewing Macuino In tho inarkot, at list
pricoa, w ith all tho
v
whichho Companlos tivo, and will
DELIVER THE MACHINES
In any par of Forest County, and glvo all
necessary instructions to learners.
f
Needle for all Marhlnrs, Silk anil Thread
ill ways in fttoro.
TIDIOUTE,' T A., Juno, 1871. 11-tt
NEW JEWELRY STORE
i
111 'flOHOMtH.
M." SMITH,
WATCHMAKER & JEWELER,
At SUPERIOR STORE.
5
ALL WORK WARRANTED.
A iAigo and Superior Stock of
AViitcliOM,
Clocks,
niil Jowelry,
CONSTANTLY ON HAND.
Mm
SMITH has tino niachinory for
makini; all parts of a watch or clock
that mav bo misNini; or broken. He war
rants all his work. The patronage of tlio
citizens of Forest County is most respect
fully solicited. All ho oaks is a fair trial.
4tf
XOTIC'K.
S N. ROLARD, of Tidioute, has
rel.iru.sd to Ins iiractice attor nu an
aeiice of four months, spent ill the Hospi
tals ot New York, whuro will in u mil
calls in his profession.
Ollieo in Eureka Druir Stoic, "id door
ihove the nauk, lulioute, l'a, 4ltt
irs.
T10NKSTA, PA.,
I) .it ;;i: ami tub hi iu;i.ahs.
"You nro not afraid, MafrgioT"
"Me nfiaid !" said Mafrgie. "I'd fio
fenr born in me. As "for tlie house,
its the Btongest fastened ever I was in.
You say yourself there's no lock a
burglar can force, and I'm not ou& to
let tramps or tho liko in of my freo
will. Uud knowa the place will be
safe enough when you come back as
safe ns though there were a regiment
of soldiers in it; and I'll lmvo all
bright for your new wife, Mr. Archi
bald." She called her master Mr. Archi
bald still, thia old woman ; but she
was the only one who still used his
christian name. Ho wait an elderly
man .himself, and had few intimate
friends, hospitality not being one, -of
his virtues. . He was rich and there
was much that was valuable in the
house, more ready, mob ey, too, than
most men kept about them ; but theu
it was as secure as a bank vault pat
'cut lock3 hud burglar alarms that first
sent a bullet into any that sought to
euter by stealth, and then rang a bell
to wake the household, were attached
to every door, and a furious watch dog
that lived on raw meat was in the
back garden. Tho Van Nott mansion
could have withstood a siege at a - mo
ment's notice.
Mi. Van Nott was a money dealer.
Ho had ways and means of aecumula
tiuqr nroberlv wuicli. were mvsterious
! to 1)16 neighbors, and they were suspi
cious that tho little back parlor, Ba
cred to business, had even such lesser
dealings as the loan of money on gold
watches, cashmere shawls and dia
monds of genteel distress. Two or
three mortgages that ho had bought
up had beeu rather cruelly loreclosed :
and he was a hard landlord, and a bad
person to loan money to altogether.
On the whole, he was disliked in the
place, and rich as he was, would have
found it hard to get a wife to his lik
ing among his neighbors at Oakham.
However, having resolved to marry
again there had been a Mrs. Van
Iga
Iott years before he had sought out
a wealthy widow of saving disposition,
who lived on a small farm some miles
out of town, and having already dis
inherited her daughter tor espousing
an estimable man ot small means, and
turned her only son uut of doors 1'or
equally prudent reasons, was not like
ly to bring any troublesome generosity
into his household, and had otlercd
himself to her her, and had been ac
cepted. And now, though both their
economical souls revolted against it,
custom decreed a wedding of some
sort, and a honeymoon trip somewhere,
and they decided to do it as cheaply
as possible. For this brief time Mr.
Van Nott must leave his business and
it was upon the eve of his departure
that he had held the above conversa
tion with his old servant, standing
with his portmanteau in his, hand re
garding her gravely,
"Yes, yes," he said, "I presume it is
all safe enough. And I'll speak to
the night watchman, nud give him a
dollar to look at this house. Well,
good-byo, Maggie, make things as neat
us possible, tor it they look dirty my
wife may think the furniture old, and
want something new for the parlor,"
And Mr. Van Nott departed.
"Yesv yes," said old Maggio, "no
doubt she'll have liue, extravagant
ways. Poor master 1 What a pity ho
should marry, after all but old fools
are tho worst foojs. A young thing of
eight and forty, when he has a sensi
ble servant, sixty, last January, that
knows what belongs to good house-
keeping. If he wanted to marry why
Uidn t he ask me? I d not liavo gone
gallivatiug aud spending. Ah, well,
he II sutler, not i. Ana Maggio
trotted away once more to begin her
dusting aud sweeping.
fche had said truly that thero was
no fear born with her, but as the night
drew on sho began to feel somewhat
lonely. Her masters presence was
strangely missed out of the great
house, and there was. something ghost
ly in the look of his empty chair when
she peeped into his little back olliee.
"It 1 was superstitious, she said to
herself, "I should think something
dreadful was going to happen, I feel
chilly up and down my back, and I
keep thinking ot luacrau. Ill make
myself a cup of tea, and see I can't
get over it."
And oecordintr'.v old Maggie shut
herself into the snug kitchen, and
litrhtinsr two candles, drew a pot of
tho strongest young hybou, and putting
her feet close to the cooking stove, she
ber?an to feel much more comtortablo
The clock ticked away on tho man-
tle, the hands pointing to half-past
eiL'ht.
"I'm coins to bed at nine," said
Maggie. I've worked well to-day,
Much thanks I'll get for it, I doubt
Hark! What's that?"
It was a sound outsido tho door a
slow, solemn eratins of wheels. Then
feet trod the pavement, and tho bell
rang luiutly.
'A carriage!" cried Mav
Ha
SEPTEMBER 9, 1871.
he changad his mind and brought her
homo at once ? Hut that can't be he's
not married yet." And then taking
one of the caudles sho trotted t the
door, but not before the bell had rang
again.
"Who's that?" she cried, holding
the door sightly ajar.
"A stranger," said a voice, "ono
who has something particular to say
to you."
"You'll have to wait for to-morrow,"
said Maggie. "You can't come in to
night." "My good woman," sa'd the stran
ger, "you are Margaret Black ?'.'
"That's my name,"
"Mr. Vau Nott' housekeeper
two
. ; l
and twahly years?"
"Yes."
"My good woman if vou are attach
ed to your -master I have very bid
news for you."
"Gracious Lord ! cried Maggie,
but sho did not open the door much
wider only enough to thrust he head
out. "Don t scare me, mister. hat
is it?"
"Tho worst yott can think of," said
the man. "Mr. Vau Nott traveled on
tho ' railroad. There's been an
accident."
"Preserve us?' cried Maggio, letting
the door full back, "and him on his
way to the wedding. He s hurt badly,
then?"
"He's dead," said the man. "Dead,
and we'vo brought him borne."
Maggie sat down on a chair and be
gan to cry.
" o ve done what we could, said
the man. "The lady he was to marry,
and his friends, will bo down to-mor-'
row. Meanwhile my instructions are
that you shall watch with him, nnd al
low no stragglers to enter tho house.
lhcreare valuablo thtng3 "here, Ira
told ; and M-r. Van Nott's lawyer must
take possession of them and seal them
up before strangers have accees to the
rooms."
"Oh, dear, dear," cried old Maggie.
"That it should come to this. Yes;
I'll watch alone, I'm not afraid, but
oh, dear!"
Then she shrunk back, and let two
men carry a horrible coffin iuto tho
front parlor.
They came out with their hats off,
aud tho other man, held his also in
his hand. -
"I regret to leave you all alone in
tho house," he said.
"I don't mind that," said old Mag
"but it's terrible, terrible."
"If you'd like mo to stay," said the
man."
"No," said Maggie. "I've no fear of
living or dead folks, lou can go.
Then sho locked the door nnd went
into the parlor, aud putting the can
dle on tho mantle, looked at the coffin
through her tears.
"He was good to me," she said ;
"poor Mr. Archibald ! And this enmes
of wanting to get marrried at this time
of life, and gallivating on railroads. I
wonder whether ho is changed much.
I'll take a look," and Maggio crossed
the room nud lifted the lid over tbe
lace of the enclosed body.
"I'll take a look, she said to her
self ncain. "I'm not afraid of dead
folks."
In a minuto more Maggie dropped
tho lid again, and retreated, shaking
from head to loot, she had seen, with
in the coffin a face with its eyes shut,
and with bandages about the head,
and the ghastly features of a clown in
circus, minus the red mouth.
But it was a living face, well chalk
ed and not her nia&ter's ; and Maggie
knew at once that she had beeu well
humbusrered that this story of her
master's death was a lie, and that a
burglar lay withiu the coflin ready to
spring upon her, or, perhaps kill her
at any moment.
She could, of course, open tho door
and try to escape; but the accomplices
of the man were doubtless outside. It
was a long way to the nearest house,
and, even if they did not kill her.they
would execute ilieir purposo and rob
tho place before sho returned.
"Master loons natural, faia Mag-
gie, alouu, ami triuu to muai ncr
though I a.
Mr. Van Nott's revolvers wero in
the next room, she kuew, loaded, six
shots iu each. Maggie could use his
pistols. Sho had aimed at troublesome
cats with great success more than once.
If sho could secure theso pistols sho
felt safe.
"Boor, dear master," sho sobbed,
and eibed toward tho back room.
"Boor, dear master." Sho lifted the
desk lid. Sho had them safo.
Sho glided back to the fiont parlor
and sat down on a chair. She turned
up her sleeves and grasped a pistol in
each hand, and she watched llie coffin
nuietlv. In half an hour tho lid Btir
red. A cautious hand crept up tho
kiilo. A wirv eve peeped out. It fell
on tho armed figure, and closed again
"You'd bolter," said Maggio U her
self.
A .'ain tho head lifted. This time
Maggio sprang to her llct.
$2 TEH ANNUM.
"You're fixed quite handy," she
said coolly, "No need of laying you
out if I lire, and I can aim first-rate,
especially when I'm afraid of ghosts
as I be now."
Tho head bobbed down again. Mag
gie re-seated herself. Hho knew this
could not last long that thero mint
be a conflict before long. It was ns
sho sup.posed. A moment ffJoro anil
tho colli n was empty, and a ferocious
young fellow sat on its edge and thus
addressed her :
"We meant to do it all quiet," he
rard,- "and I don't want to frighten old
women'. Just put them down."
"I'm not frightened," said Maggie.
"I'm coining to take them things
a',ay from you,'' said the man,
"Come," !aid Maggie.
He advanced one step. PIio took
aim and ho dodged, but a ballet went
through his left arm, and it. dropped
by his side. '
Furious with pain, he dashed toward
her. She fired again and this time
wounded him in the right shoulder.
Faint and quite helpless, hestuggerid
uginst the wall.
"There you've dune it, oW woman,"
ho said. "Open, the duor aud let mo
out. My gamo is up."
"Mine isn't," said old Maggie. "Get
into your cofHn again, or this time I'll
shoot you through the heart."
The burglar looked piteously at her,
but he saw no mercy iu her face. He
went back to the coffin and lay down
iii it. Blood dripped from his wounds,
and ho was grow ing pale. Maggie did
not want to soft him die before her
eyes, but she" dared not call aid. To
leave the house before daylight would
be to meet tho man's companions, and
risk her own life. Thero was nothing
for it but to play the surgeou her
self, and in a little while she had stop
ped tho blood and saved the burglars
life. More than thia sho brought a
cup of tea, aud fed him with it as if
ho had been a baby. Nothing, how
ever, could induce her to let him out
of his coffin.
About one or two o'clock, she heard
steps outside, and knew that the other
burglars were near, but her stout heart
never quailed. Kite trusted iu the bars
and bolts and they did not betray her.
ilia daylight louud her sitting quiet
ly besido her wounded burglar, and
the milk mau, bright ana early, was
tho embassador who summoudcu- the
officers of justice.
hen the bridal party returned
next day the house was neat and tidy,
she told the news in laconic tashion.
"Frightened! she said, m auswer
to the sympathetic ejaculations of her
new mistress. "Friirhteued 1 Oh, no.
Fear wasn't born iu me."
There is an old goat owned in
Detroit which has received a great
deal of training from the boys. Last
Fourth of July they discovered that if
they stuck a fire-cracker iu the end of
a cane aud held it at William, ho
would lower his head and go for them ;
nnd they had practiced tho trick so
much that the goat will tackle any
human beinz who points a stick at
him. A lew davs ngo ho was loafin
near the corner of Third and Lewis
streets, when a corpuleut citizen came
up and stopped to talk with a Jriend
They happened to speak of sidewalks
when the corpulent ciiizen pointed his
cane just to the left of tho goat, and
iaid.
"That's tho worst piece of sidewalk
in this town.
Tho gont had been eyeing tho cano
and tho moment it camo up ho lower
ed his head, made six or eight jumps,
aud his head struck tho corpulent citi
zen iut on "the belt. I lie man went
over into a mass of old tin, dilapidated
butter-kegs and abandoned hoop skirts
and the coat turned a somersault the
other way. while slim citizen threw
stones at a boy seated on a doorstep.
who was laui'lunLr tears as big as
chestnuts, and crying out,
"Oh, its null to kill a feller!
Vv hen tho Key. Mr. Ilallock was
settled iu Bainfiold it was his custom
to collect his own salary, for wine
every voter in tho town was assessed
Calliiifr unon Mr. D.. tho blacksmith
one day, ho said : "1 have u small bill
against vou !" "And for what?" said
Mr. D. "For preaching." "I liavo
heard none of your preaching." "Tho
fault is your own," said Mr. H.," "the
doors have been open, and vou might
have come in." Not long after,
Mr. II. was ono day passing the black
smith bhop, Mr. IX, hailing him saia
"1 have a small bill against you.'
"And for what?" aaid Mr. II. "For
shoeing your horso !' "1 have hud no
horso shoed here," said Be v. II. "The
fault is your own," replied Mr. I)., "tho
doors havo been open, and you might
have come in." Mr. 11. paid tho" bill.
When a fellow lalks too long, und
there aro signs of a coming funeral, it
is tho correct thing to hand him a
card, upon which is inscribed, "Hire
a hall."
Rates of Advertising.
One Sipinro (1 Inch,) ono Inertlnn - JIM
"lie S. plain " one month - - ii on
One S-piaio " three months - 1 f
Ono S'liuiro " ono year - - 10 GO
Tw o Stjiiares, one year - - 1.1 On
ifunitert'ol. " - - - - HO (w
Half " r.0 CO
One " " - - - 100 CO
I etral notices at established rales,
M:irria'.re and death notices, gratis.
All bills lor vcarl.v ndve rtiscniciita rol-lert.-d
fii:ir?erly. Tnprn"!iry oiHortiso
inruts most .. paid fur in advanoo.
.lob work, Ca-.li on Delivery.
A WASHINGTON ItOMAM'K.
" Tho wedding was that of Mr. Con
ger, member of Gongrr-ra from Michi
gan, with Mis. Sibley, widow nf Major
Sibley, Uuitcd States army. Sim was
Miss Humphries, daughter of Judge
Humphries of the Supremo Court uf
tho State of Ohio, and twenty-seven
years ago was affianced to Mr. Conger,
then a handsome, blooming youth.
Tin y quarrelled nud parted. In six
months the quarrel was forgotten, and
they wero ng.iin engaged. She was
pnttj, a elli', nnd a flirt. Her flirt
ing propensities did not please Mr.
Conger, and he remonstrated with her.
Being a high-spirited girl, she again
broke the engagement, telling him she
would never marry him.
Ha left tho State. Sho married and
he married. Major Sibley lived twelve
years. Thero wi.ro no children, and
at his death bho went abroad. Mrs.
Conger lived a few years, and left,
three children. In October, weary of
European lile, Mrs. Sibley determined
to return to her homo in Cincinnati.
Arriving in New York, it occurred to
bcr to como to Washington for a few
weeks. Oh, woman how mysterious
are thy ways ! One day, time hanging
wearily on her hands, she wandered (?)
to Congress ; of course, never dream
ing that in this august body sat her
affinity ! . An hour passed; tho debates
were prosy and tidious- So, gathering
her wrrps about her, sho prepared to
leave the gallery, when there wns a
tap on her shoulder. Turning, who
did sho behold but tho lover of her
outh! . '
After commonplace greetings in an
gilated voice, she made tho inquiry,
I suppose your family is with you?"
Did vou not know that my wife was
lead ?" With tragic start she averred
he did not. They chatted sonic time,
and on leaving she said, "I am at tho
Arlington, you come and, seo me?
Hesitation ou his part, blushes on hers,
and then in a low voice replied Con
ger, "I will como if you tako back
what you said to me twenty-live years
..... -it., . i .I
ago. i win, sue answered, ana sno
wilted.
The engagement was very brief, and
the happy twain wero united last Sat
urday nioruiug nt 11 o clock, llio
bride wore a pearl-colored ealin bro
cade, with diamond ornaments,-and
looked very well, albeit sho could uot
look sentimental, for she is not very
young, and weighs about ono hundred
and Ninety-live pounds. Ctcinft
Commercial.
A one-legged soldier, a Mormon,
recently asked Bringhatu Young to
supply, by a miracle, tho missing
limb, but the apostle, not to be caught
made this reply : "I can in an instant
produce a new leg in place of tho old
one, but then you seo if I do it will
cause great inconvenience to you in
heaven ; alter your exaltation to glory
the original leg will come back to tho
spiritualized body, mine also being of.
divine origin becomes immortal, and,
in this case, observe how very awk
ward a three-legged angel from Utah
would appear among the inhabitants
of tho eternal world."
A young butcher, who wns courting
a girl with matrimonial intentions,
asked her if sho could mako lard. She
replied that sho could "try." His
proposal was not iuterlarded with un
necessary words, and her answer "ren
ders" a wedding trousseau necessary.
Tho young butcher will "dress to kill,"
of courso.
Probably nothing diminishes a wo
man's chances for salvation so much
as to be kept iu tho house by a sick
child, while another woman is liaug
ing over the garden fence, waiting to
talk with her about the Beccher scan
dal. Susie Liberty, of La Crosse, Wis.,
has thirteen lovers, and every ono of
Iheni exclaims: "Give mo. Liberty or
give mo death !" And she's a red
headed girl at that.
The log cabin which Mr. Liucoln
made when sixteen years old, stauds
iu seven dillerctit counties in Illinois,
and they haven't got through counting
'ct"
A wealthy young English widow
whoso passion is for small feet offers to
marry tlio man who is over fivo feet
tall und can wear her shoe No. 3.
A New York company will insure
poodle dogs, but won't take a cent's
risk on babies. They know which re
ceives tho most care.
A Yankee editor has receutly got
up a remedy for hard times. It con
sists ol ten hour's labor, well worked
in.
Newspaper readers do not liko to
read indill'ereiit poetry by little girls
unlc-1 tho little girls me their owu.
Better try to kindle your fire with
a powder can, well tilled, than with
tho contents of your kerosene can.
Deep w.iurs make a still noise. So
do deep moil.