Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one Inertlon $1 f0
One Square " one month - 3 0t
One Square " threo months -0 00
19 ruriLinnKn f.vkry wkhnksiut, by
W. If. DUNN.
OFriOB I K0BIN90H & BOHNK&'S BUILDINa,
ELM STREET, TIONESTA, PA.
TKUMS, $2.00 A YKAR.
5n Pnhanrlptiou received for n shorter
period than threo month.
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
uf Ui country. No nollco will be tukcn of
annonymnns coinnniiiientions.
i hie square " one j-ear - - 10 no
Two Squares, ono year - IS 00
Quarter Col. " - - - - 30 0l
Half " " - . - . 60 00
One " " ... - 100 eu
Legal notices at established rates.
Marriage and death notices, gratis.
All bills lor venrlv AilvnrtiNmntifa ru.l-
lcctcd quarterly, 'r-eniporary advertise
VOL. VI. NO. 20.
TIONESTA, PA., OCTOBER 22. 1873.
$2 PER ANNUM.
ments innsi ne paltl for in advance.
Jul) work, Casu on Delivery.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONESTA LODGE
Xo. aau,
r.o.oro. IT.
V
MEETS every Friday evening, nt 8
o'rlock, In tli Hull formerly occupied
y the Good Templars.
S. II. HASLET, N. G.
J. T. DALE, Si'o'y. 27 -tf.
Samuel D. Irwin,
, TTORNEY, COUNSELLOR AT LAW
f and HK.Mi ESTATE AGENT. 1-cgal
business promptly attended to. Tionesta,
. 1'a. 4-ly.
Ml I. KM V. TATS.
PETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
AM mre-l, tFoXKSTA, PA.
Vf. W. Muon, Gcorjs A. Jik,
lta.K r. iirikii(, r.
Mason Jerikss,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Ollleo on Kim
Street, above Walnut, Tionosta, Pa.
F. W. Hays,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, and Notary
Pl'M.lo, Reynolds Hukill A 'o.'n
Block, Sonesa St., Oil City, Pa. S'J-ly
V, KINKKAH.
y. B. BMILKT,
KIXXEA K C SMILEY,
Attorneys at Law, - - - Franklin, Py
Tlt ACTICE In the several Courts of Xi-
A. nango, Crawford, lorest, an
ing counties.
and nd.ioln
au-ly
K.UiHKK, D.. rABSEVT,
If A lilt IS FASSETT,
ttornsys at Law, Tltuavllla Penn'
ORACTICE In all tho Courts of Warren.
1 Crawford, Forest and Venango Coun
ties. -
FHYSICIAXS c sunaEoxs.
I. 'V7I5AH3, K D.p nd J. E. BLAINE, H. D.
Hnvlair entered Into a co-partnership, nil
calls, night or ilav, will receive tnimedinto
attention. , mien i rcttiut-itcw ui ui. t
naus. Elm St.. Tionesta. Pa. 30 ly
J. H. Heivly,
SURGEON DENTIST, In Schonbloin's
Hulldin-t, between Conlro and Syua-
bmrn SlH.. Oil CilV. Pa.
All operations done In a careful manner
ciul warranwu. v. niorotorni linn ciucrwi
inlmstcred when required ii tlio cue will
permit. l.Vly
Charles B. Arsart,
DRXTIRT, Centre Street, Oil City,
In Simon' lllouk.
' fl
Lawreicn House,
T
TIONESTA, PA., O. II. HITTER
FIIGI.n. rnoi-niKTon. n.i- iiouh
1s pent rally loi-etccl. Kverl!i' iu nowand
well furniKheil Superior mh mods
tions and strict ettention iiivi i t-ucats.
Vswetables and Fruit., of a. I kinds wrved
In their season. Sample room fur Com
mercial Ajrent.
Tionesta House.
ITTKL, Proprietor, Elm St. Tio
nesta. Pa., at tho mouth of the creek.
M.
Mr. Iltlo has thoroughly runovated the
1'mnesta House, and re-furnished it eom
' ,'letelr. All wh patronize him will bo
well entertained at reasonable rules. U0 ly
FOREST HOUSE,
D.
V.r.AflC PROPRIETOR. Opposite
Court House, Tionesta, Pa. Just
opened. Everything new and clean and
fresh. Tho best of liijuors kept constantly
on hand. A portion of the publio patron-
ao is respectfully solicited. . s-17-lv
National Hotel,
'PIDIOI'TE, PA., Renj. Elliott, 'proprlo
L tor. This house has been nowly furn
Wiod and is kept In good style. Guests
. w ill bo made comfortable hose at reasona
ble rates. 0 ly.
Scott House,
IAGITNDVS, PAi E. A. Roberts, Pro
. prietor. ThU ho'el has been reoontly
re-furuished and now oilers superior ae
isimmodations to gucs'
I'lt.
s-iy.
Dr. J. L. Acoirb,
Oil YSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
I bad fifteen vears' exporionco in a larjio
and iuoccMht'uf practice, will attend all
Professional Culls. ODIce in his Drug mid
(rocory Store, located In Tidiouto, near
Tidioute House.
INIIIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cl(rars, Stationery, Ulasf Paints,
oils. Cutlery, all of tho benl quality, and
will bo sold at reasonablo lutes,
IK. CHAS. O. DAY, an experienced
Physician and Druggist from New Y'ork,
ha charge of the Store. All prescriptions
put up accurately.
M. H. SiT. JSO. V. tXUH. A. B. SILLY.
31 A Y, rAliKtC CO,,
Corner of F.lm.A Walnut Sts. Tionesta.
Rank of Discount and Dejosit.
lutorest allowed on Time Deposits.
CwllouUoni madeonull tho Principal points
of the U. S.
Collections solicited.
lS-ly.
MO. A. Pll.K. l'nut. J- T- D-tLI:, C.l.ier.
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Hank transacts a General Ranking,
Collecting and Exchange llusiness.
Drafts on tho Principal Cities of the
United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold Olid Silver Coin slid Uovorninont
Kecuritid bought and sold. 7-30 Jionds
snvcrtud on the most favorublo Utium.
I ntorcst allowed n time deposits,
Mar. I, If.
J. B. LONG,
MANUFACTURER of and Doolor In
HARNESS. SADDLES. WHIPS, ROUES,
CURRY COMBS, RRUSHKS,
HORSE CLOTHINO,
and everything in the line. In Homier A
Auuow s lllock, atlioining Drug Store. 7
Frank Ilobbiiiw,
PHOTOGRAPHER,
(SUWESHOK TO DEM l!fQ.)
rictures In every stvloof the art. Views
of the oil regions for salo or taken to or
der. CENTRE STREET, near R, R. crossing.
SYCAMORK STREET, near Union no
pot, Oil City, Pa. 20-lf
THE BOOT & SHOE STQRE
Oj? TIDIOUOTE I
AT K. STEVENS. Propriotor. Parties
ii . in want of FINE lioow and Shoes will
always rind a pood assortment at Stevens'.
When you call. Just say "From Tionesta"
and vou will bo liberallv dealt with,
U-tJm .Is'. E. WTEVENS.
NEW BILLIARD ROOMS I
DJOIN'INO thq Tionesta House, at the
i i mouth ot Tionesta creeK. I ho tunics
and room aro new, and everything kept in
order. To lovers of the ame a cordial
invitation is extended to come and play
: . 1. - . .. ... w ITTI.M l .J -
III lliu urn ivniiii. ij. ai .u.j, . i.
kONFECTIONARIE
S.
T A(NEW. at the Post Omeo, has
1 opened out a choice lot of
GROCERIES
COXl'ECTIONAMES,
CANNED FRUITS,
TOBACCOS,
CIGARS, AND
notiqnof all kinds.
A portion of the psti4naga of the public
Is resspectl'ulty solicited.
44-tf L. AGNEW.
.1TEW
GROCERY m PROVISION STORE
.V TIONESTA.
GEO. W. BOVARD &G0.
TTAVJ'J Inst brought on a compute and
cnrolully selected stuck of
FLOUIi, .
GROCERIES,
PROVISIONS,
and everything necessary to tho complete
stock ofa tlrHt-class 'Jrocery House, which
they have opened out at their establish
meiit on Elm St., first door north of M. K,
Church.
TEAS,
COFFEES.
SUGARS.
SYRUPS,
FRUITS,
SPICES.
HAMS, LARD,
a xd rito risioxs or all kixds.
at tho lowest cash prices. Goods warrant
ed to be of the beat quality. Call and ox
amino, and we believe we can suit you.
GEO. W. IJOVARD k CO.
Jan. 9. '72.
RUBBER GOODS,
RUBBER GOODS,
RUBBER GOODS.
RUBBER GOODS,
AT
II. ii. TlXItlSIl & CO.'S
CENTRE STREET, OIL CITY. PA.
We have an immense assortment of the
abovo poods In every stylo and quality
imaginable, as for instance :
1) inch Two-ply Deltlng.
2 inch Two-plv Melting.
i!J Inch Two-ply liclting,
2 Inch Three-ply Belting.
i!J inch Throe-ply Rolling,
it inch Three-ply Halting.
31 inch Three-ply liclting.
4 inch Throe-ply Uniting,
fi inolt Threa-ply belting,
fl Inch Three-ply Melting.
7 Inch Tlireer ply Belting.
S Inch Fonr-ply liclting.
9 inch Four-plv liclting.
10 Inch Four-ply Belting.
12 Inch Four-ply Uclting'
FIVE-PLY AND ENDLESS KELTS
TO ORDER ON SHORT NOTICE.
Wo garontee satisfaction in every in
stance. Wo are headquarters for the
above goods.
II. G. TINKER & CO.
Ofpn A T1CQ We have just issued
uxivau waltzes in two vol
utin1, price $1 each In boards, to each in
cloth. The two volumes contain over forty
beautiful WalUes, worth at lratft in
sheet form. I." A Vm?TT lV lu
(Icriiigtr'nii XX UHi L ii.t t h e r
dealers lie particular to ask for Pti K.ns'
EniTioN of Nthm'ts' Waitjks, as it is
the onl v correct and complete edition. Ad
dress J.L.FETEK.SIf A T rVrl?i2
Music Publisher, V 1 tijij.
lfroalw.'iv, .cw ork. oy, I-
TIIK II.M.l'C'KY I.OVKKS. .
Fanny Foo-Foo was a Japanese girl,
A child of the great Tycoon ;
She wore her head bald, and her clothes
were made
Half cUicoat, half pantaloon;
Uer face was tho color of a lemon peel,
. And tho sliapo of a table-spoon.
A liandsomo young chap was Johnny
Ill-Hi,
And ho wore papor-inttslln clothes ;
His glossy black hair on the top of his
head
In the form of a shoe-brush rose ;
His eves slanted downward, as if some
chap
Had savagely pulled bis nose.
Fanny Eoo-Foo loved Johnnj Ili-III,
And when in tho usual style,
j.lle popped, she blushed such a deep or-
' ange tinge,
You'd hae thought she'd too much bilo,
If it hadn't been for her slant-eyed glance
And bjUrcharmiuggWf do-mouthed smile.
And oft In tho bliss of their new-born
love,
Hid these little Pagans stray
All around in spots, enjoying themselves
In a strictly Japaneso way ;
Sho howling a song to tho one-stringed
lute,
On which she thought she could play.
Tho course of truo love, even in Japan,
, Often runs extremely rough ;
And the fierce Tycoon, when he heard of
this,
Used Japanese oaths so tough
That his courtiers' hair would have stood
on end,
If only they'd had enqugh.
So the Tycoon bucklod on both his swords,
. In his pistol placed a wad,
And went ot.t to hunt the truant pair,
With his nerves braced by a tod.
Ho found them enjoying their euilolass
solves
On the top of a lightuing rod.
Sternly he Ordered the gentle Foo-Foo
To "come down out of that there I"
And he told III-III to go to a place
I won't say precisely whore,
Then ho dragged off his child, whose
spasms evinced
Unusually wild despair.
Rut the Tycoon, alas I was badly fooled,
Despite his paternul pains;
For John, With a tooth-pick, let all the
blood
Out of his jugular veins-
While, with a back commors Milt on the
flocW
Foo-Foo battered out her brains.
They buried them both in the Tycoon's
lot,
Right under a dogwood treo,
Where they could list to the nightingale
and
Tho buzz of the bumble-beo.
And where tho mosquitto's sorrowful
chant
Maildons the restless flea.
And often at night, when tho Tycoon's
wife
Slumbered as sound as a post,
His almond-shaped eye-balls looked on a
sight
That scared him to death, almost,
'Twas a bald-headed spectre flitting about
With a paper-muslin ghost.
AT 1118 OLD TUIt KH.
An American lady was recently
shown through Newgate. On coming
to the alley in which executed crimi
nals are buried, the ladv who 'is i
good Quaker shuddered at that, aud
the warder stud :
''You will notice here that ours is a
great improvement over the American
plan, lu America they give the bodies
ot executed criminals to their friends
who, as likely as not, make a hern of
him, and bury him with pomp. But
these scoundrels dread being buried
away in this alley almost as much as
they dread the gallows. This is a chief
part ot their pumsumeut.
The lady having suggested that ex
ecution was quite enough, the warder
replied, "Not a bit of it. I was show
our plan to a remarkably intelligent
American who admired our arrange
ments exceedingly, only he thought us
too lenient. That gentleman said that
tho great mistake in America was len
iency. 'Would you believe it,' said
he, 'we caught a rascal in America
the other day whom we ought imme
diately to have burned, and we only
hung him. But we are coming to our
senses, and we are now making ar
rangements to burn certain men for
w hom the gallows js too good."
"Will thee he good enough to tell
me the name the American gentleman
who made the remark to thee?" said
the Quakems.
"Ah, yes," said the warder reflec
tively, "let me see it was a Mr. Mark
Twain.
The lady gave a smile of relief and
weut (j IK.
"Give the devil his due, Tat, and
where would you bo ?" ''Alouo your
Hc-uor."
A REARKABI.E STORY.
Here is somrtliine remarkable from
the Datibury Isews: A woman in
New Haven was recently bereft of lipr
pcalp by the iilopyncracics of a shaft
and belt. Tho doctors saw that to
remedy the evil they would have to
recourse to transplanting, and so they
actually succeeded in getting a suffi
ciently number of pieces from other
peoples heads to give this unfortunate
woman a scalp. We hope those New
Haven ooctors used more discretion
than did he who attended a man
named Finlev, who met with a similar
accident in Oiiskany, N. Y., gome
thirteen years ago. Bits of scalp from
seventy persons were secured by the
doctor and adroitly stitched to the
head of Mr. Finley. When it was
done, people came miles to see Finley's
head, and lMDley himselt, with his
checker-board cranium, was the -hap-,
piest man in O.isknuy. Butwheu the
capillary glands got in working order,
and the hair commenced to grow, the
top of the man's head presented the
most extraordinary spectacle on rec
ord. The doctor who, was about half
the time in liquor, had consulted ex
pediency father than judgement, and
secured that new 3calp without any
reference to future developments. We
never saw anything like it. Here was
a tuft of yellow hair, and next to it a
bitot black, and then a flame of red,
and a little like silk, and more like
tow, with brown hair aud gray hair,
and sandy hair, and . cream colored
hair scattered over his entire skull.
And what a mad man Finley was, and
no body could blame him. He would
stand up against the barn for an hour
at a tune and sob aqd swear. It was
very fortunate that the doctor was
dead. He wcDt of!' tvo weeks before
with' blue ague, which is a mild sort
of a disease. Finley kept his hair
cut short, but that made uo difference.
Then he tried dves, but thev only
made matters worse. Then he got a
wig, and this covered up the deformi
ty ; but some times at church he would
get asleep, and the wig would fall off,
and make the children cry. (jure at
the country fair he fell asleep, and the
committee on domestic goods, when
they came around, stood in front of
Finley's head for some five minutes in
wrapt delight. They then immediate
ly decided that it was the most in
genious patch-work in the list, and
never seen the mistake until they at
tempted to pin the premium card to it.
At that Finley awoke, and knocked
down the chairman of the committee
and chased the others out of the build
ing. We hope the New Haven doctors
have beeu more particular, as it is not
a subject to trifle with.
DAYS OF TUB UOI.D DIGniN'US.
We take the following from the
Mobile Register : A savage si reel duel
was fought in Virginia City, Nevada,
in which both combaian'S were killed.
And this reminds us of a story told with
great gusto by a now departed friend,
iu his life time the proprietor of a
well-known "saloon" ou lioval street.
There had been a lively skirmish in
front of his saloon hetween two young
bloods, who, as is ofteu the casu, hud
missed each other, but greatly jeopar
dized the lives of the innocent by
standers, one or two shots having pars
ed through our friend's saloon in very
dangerous proximity to his person. A
few hours afterward we met him on the
sidewalk ; he was elated, he was hap
py, he was gtand; aud we inquired
into the cause of such an exuberance
of spirits.
"Oh!" he replied, "I feel so good!
so good I that little altair tins morn
ing! was delightful ! I felt quite-happy
It remindud roe of home sweet
homo! when I was digging fur gold at
LosAngelus! iu fact 'twas just like
the pood old days."
"Why," we inquired, "did they ever
have such pusses ut arms iu Califor
nia?" Oh, yes ! oh, yes ! often ! I remem
ber one day just such a day as this
two gentlemen high-toned, sensitive,
ninctillioiis gentlemen, happened to
mve a little misunderstanding and
met at the l'ustoftire just when it was
L-rowded, und deliberately went to
work, drawing their revolvers, and
commenced right there in the midst
of the crowd, bring at each other.
Oh! 'twas lovely 1 such excellent, ac
curate firing, to !"
"Aud did they hit each other?" we
aake J.
"Well no not at first, but they
killed outright three bystanders ami
wounded four or five more. Knelinice
shooting! iu fact elegant elegant !"
"But," we iusisted,"did they hit each
other?"
"Oh, yes, oh, yes; tl.ey did ouce,
each at least !"
"And were their wouuds severe?
did they die tf them?"
"Oh, no, no they didu't die of their
wounds but tho vigilantes tunic
n round und Imnjrcil. them both?"
THE COSTLINESS OF S1IODDT.
The debasement of quality which,
under the pressure of competition, has
gradifally extended of late years to
almost every article used by man, is
notorious. Yet, as few persons except
the initiated realize tho immense loss
to society from this souice, and illus
trative experience of my own may
here be welcome. When my father
left nie manager of the New Lanark
cotton mills, in the winter of 1824-25,
a certain Mr. Bartholomew, who had
long been a customer of ours to the
extent of 20,UUU to SoO.UOU a year,
came to roe one day asking if I could
make him a lot ot yarn suitable lor
ordiuary shirting at such a price, nam
ing it. "We have but one price," I
said, "and you know well we sell such
yarn 20 per cent, above the rate you
propose. . '
"1 know that," he replied, "but you
couia make it so as to be sold at my
price.
"Yes, by usine waste and mixing iu
vean, short-stapled cotton.
"And it would look almost as well ?
"Perhaps."
"Then I'll risk it."
"My father's instructions," I replied,
"are not to lower the quality of the
goods. I'm sorry ; but can't fill your
order.
He went off iu a huff, but returned
two days later. "See here," said he,
"don t be quixotic, lean havetheyarn
1 usked you about spun elsewhere,
"What's the use of driving a good cus
tomer fro ji you? I shall get the stuff 1
want, and use it all the same.
"It would injure tho character of
our mill ?" . ,
"Not if you leave off your trade
mark. What do I cure about the pic
ture? Mark as you will."
I hesitated, but finally not much
to my credit agreed to make the yarn
for him. I had it marked with a large
B. "It will stand either for Bartholo
mew or for bad," I said to him when
he came to look at it. "I'm ashamed
to turn such nu article out of our
mill."
But three weeks after again. "Just
the thing!" he said, and he gave me a
second order thiice as large as the
first.
The B ya-n became a popular arti
cle in the market; the Blurting that
was made from it looking smooth, nud
being sold at some 10 per cent, less
tnan that made from our usual quality.
Yet to my certain knowledge for I
tried it it ilid not lust half so loug
as the other.
That transaction sits somewhat heav
ily ou my conscience still. Yet it help
ed to tench me a great lesson. It is
my firm belief that, at the present
time, purchasers of cotton, woolen,
licen and silk goods, of furniture,
hardware, leather goods, and all other
manufactured staples, lose on the
average because of inferior quality,
more than halt ot all the money they
pay out. And I doubt whether, except
by co operation, this crying evil can
be remedied. R. D. Oiven in Atlantic.
"Olive Harper" writes to the St.
Xjouis.uiohe from Vienna that she is
"fast imbibing the custom of thecoun
try" that is beer drinking. She says
thev tell her that "no person can be
wffl in Germany who does not drink
beer." As proof of the theory that
beer is harmless she cites a cae of a
young girl who belongs iu Vienna,
wun is delicate as a lily in appearance
aud who takes her eight glasses of
beer regularly everv day. Olive who
has hud California experience with
fleus, suys the Geruau fleas excel Call
foruiu fleas, in "pure cuhsedness,'
thousand fold. They bother one all the
time, but they are fearful in their
wickedness in publio "where they
know you cannot hunt them." A wo
man with a flea on her in public is
helpless object aud is to be commiser
ated, tor while a man can scratch aud
dig with impunity if not with per
fect propriety a woman must sit and
tuke it without eveu squirming, to say
nothing ot scratching.
Mr. Gouuh tells a good story illus
trative of quaint Scottish humor : Two
sparks from London ouce came upon
a decent looking shepherd in Art' vie
chire, uud accosted him with : "You
huve a very fine view here you tun
see a great way. "Ah I vou i-au see
America here, I suppose!" "Farrer
thuu that." "How i that?" "Yujist
wait tule the mist gang away, aud
you'll see the moou."
"James Jenkins," said a school mas
ter to his pupU, "what is uu average?
"A thing that hens lay eggs on."
"Why do you say that you silly boy?"
replied tho pedagogue. "Because,"
saitl the youtii, "1 heard a gentleman
say the other day as a hen would lay,
on a average, a hundred and tweuty
eggs a year."
Phil. Sheridan cultivates an enor
mous moustache, and thinks he will
uuver marry, as ho is getting buld
beaded fait enough now.
THE SONS OF fil't'CESMFCL .MEN.
Next to tho inquiry. What becomes
of the pin? an interestine question
would be, What becomes of the sons
of successful men ? A few men and a
few firm are in the bands of tho
founders; but these are exceptions.
The old name and the old trade pen- -
erally pass into the hands of others.
"Uo you see that man shoveling coal,?
Well, his children, and children like
his, will jostle your pampered sons
and rule this land," said an old New
Yorker, the other day. The old name
have ceased in the pulpit, The famed
men of the bar seldom have a success
or. The eminent jurists carry their
honors with them to tho grave. Mer
chant princes are obliterated. The
reason is clear. The fathers laid the
basis of business one way and the sons
build another. Men who earned their
fortunes by hard work, diligence ; that
knew sixteen hours' toil by .personal
attention l that were their own book
keepers, salesmen, cashiers and often
porters, are followed by sons who do
as little as possible, who delegate to
others all the work they can, and who
know more of the road than the ledger.
Famous hotel men were gentlemen,
men of intelligence, men who were the
equuls of the best in the land, and
who never sunk the gentlemen in their
trade. Young men who fling the ex
ample of their sires to the winds, find
it easier to squander a valuable name,
ruu through a fortune quicker than it
was earned, and find themselves, while
young, at a point from which their
fathers started. One thine is quite
marked in New York. It is the fact
that the heavy business is getting into
the hands oi foreigners, llie heavy
importers, the great bankers, and mncu
of the trade of value is slippiug out
of the hands of Americans, as the
trade of England got into the power
of the Lombards. N. Y. Letter to
Boston Journal.
A man from Illinois went over to.
Fort Madison the other day with sweet
potatoes to sell. His early education,
had been somewhat defective in arith
metic, for ho offered to sell his entire
wagon load at" sixty cents per half
bushel, or two dollars per bushel.
Baskets and sucks were begged and
borrowed, and every one was buying
potatoes at Bixty cents per half bushel.
ihe man did not see it until tha last
.half bushel was sold. He wanted (2
a bushel lor the load, uue man offer
ed him 81.90 per bushel. He persist
ed in selling at sixty cents per half
bushel, thinking doubtless there wero
four half bushels in a bushel. Anoth
er said ho would take three half bush
els. A third took two half bushels.
Before the man commenced tho retail
business a grocer bought two bushels
for his own use at $2 a bushel. He
ottered 81.90 a bushel for the whole
load, in order to sell again, but was
refused. When the man saw his blun
der, he held up hotb hand?, and ex
claimed, "Oh 1 thunder."
Mr. W. C, a snob, was so fond of
fine clothes that ho roveled iu them by
day and dreamed of them by night.
One evening he visited a lady, and re
moved his ovorccat, etc., in tho Lull,
preparatory to entering the parlor,
when the lady heard him utter the fol
lowing sensible words; Taking his
overcoat and hanging it up, ho said,
"Hung there you fifty dollar over
oat!" Pulling ofT his gloves and put
ting them on the table, "Lay there,
you Cve dollar gloves !" Placing his
hut on the rack, "Hung there you ten
dollar hut!" Putting his cane in cor
ner, "Stand there you fifteeu dollur
csue!" Then entering the parlor, ho
wus about to sit down when tho lady
showed him a chair, and as she left
room, said : "Sit there, you ten cent
fool!" He has uot beeu arouud that
house since.
A geutleman who had tarried luto
at a wine supper, found his wife in a
high state of nervousness, waitiii" his
return. , She said : 'Here I've uceu
waiting and rucking in the chair, till
my head spins round like a top.' 'Jess
so, wilb, where I've beeu,' responded
he. 'It's in tho atmosphere !'
An old chap whose wifo is as ugly
as sin, was recently reading au tlopc
ment case which seemed to aO'ect him.
Said he: "I should be tempted to
shoot a man, if he was after uiy wife."
"Well," tuid a hearer, "a mau ought
to be, shot, if he ran off with your
wife."
A westeru tuau who hud been sit
ting on a woi-j), and the wasp had just
noticed it, arose partly to bis feet and
with pathetic, tenderness remarked,
"Ouch !" just at the time when tho
lecturer intended to have the people
laugh.
Boston papers tell this: A lady
tailed at a drug store and breathless
ly remarked, "There! I have serenaded
all the way dowu here to get n receipt
prescribed and disremtmber the. com-buMibks!"