19 PUBLISHED EVERY WEDXKSIlAY, BY
V. It. DUNN".
OFFICE 15 E0B1N80S & BOHRER'B BUILDING!,
ELM BTEEET, TIONESTA, PA.
TIC U MS, M.ttO A YEAR, i
' No Subscriptions received for n shorter
poiiod than threo months, i
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of the country. No notico will bo taken of
nnnon vinous communications.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONESTA LODGE
MEETS every Friday evening, nt 7
o'clock, in tlii Hull formerly occupied
by thoUood Templars.
M. ITT EL, X. O.
W. It. DUNN, Nce'y. 27-tf.
Samuel D. Irwin,
TTORNEY.COUNSF.LLOlt AT LAW
J v nml ui;.i, ra i A i n aiii'.m , i.cgai
busiiH'ss promptly attcuitvtl to, Tionesta,
l'u. 10-ly
, WBWTnK PlirTIH.
Mll.KS W. TATH.
PKTTIS TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
. M, 7'ION KSTA , PA
W. W. Maxm,
Onrn i. Jenki,
TtaMMrn, r.
Mason 3k. JenKa,
A TTORXEYS AT LAW. Office on F.lm
. Htroot, above Wiilnut, Tionesta, ra
W. P. Mercilliott,
ATTORNEY COUNSELOR AT LAW
TIoiiohIii. Pa. Olllee on I 'Jin Stieet.
The professional services o'f tho Hon. H.
1". Johnson can he secured through me if
tlMired In any business entrusted to nie in
Iforest Co. Collections promptly attended
V. Also Heal Estate Agent.
F. W. Hays,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, and Xotahy
Prm.lc, Revnolils Hukill A Co.'s
liluck, Sunoca St.", Oil City, l'a. 8y-ly
Georgo F. Davenport,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Special atten
tion (ilven to the InvoKtiuationof Lund
Titles, Coiiveyiincinur nnd Collections In
Venango, Ci aw ford nnd ndjacont counties,
ill business promptly attended to. No. f
Mercnntilo lllock, oil' City, Pa. SH-ly
r. KINNKAIt.
r. B. HMILGT,
KIXXEA 11 C SMILE Y,
t Attorneys at Law, - - - Franklin, Pa.
I PRACTICE In the several Courts of Ve
naugo, Crawford, Forest, and nlioin
Ing coiiuties. 8'J-ly.
J. M. MARK!, ' ' ' 11. 1. TAfwKTT,
it a iwts .p rjssrrr,
Attorney at Law, TituaYlll Penn'n.
PRACTICE In all tlio Courts or Warren,
Crawford, Forest and Venango Couu
ttoa. 4-tf
J'Jtl SlClA XS ll 5 1'ltUEOXS.
J. VriUAsi M. P., and J. E. ELAINE, If. D.
IlnviiiC entered Into a eo-pnrtnerxhip, all
cnlla, nitrht or day, will receive Immediate
attention. iJtlice at resldeneo of lr. Wi
iiaiis, Eliiifl., Tionesta, l'u. 3fl-ly
Clnrles B. Atsart,
EXTIST. Centre Street, Oil
City, Pa.
Ju Simons Jiloek.
Lawrenca House,
WM. LAWRENCE, TnofKiKTon. This
house hns Just been opened to the
public and tho furniture nnd fittings are
all new. tluests will bo well entertained
at reasonable rates. Is situated on Em St.,
opposite Superior Lumber Co. Store. 3'J-ly
Tioneila House.
MITT EL, Proprietor, Klin St. Tio-
noHla, Pa., at tho mouth of thuereek,
Mr. Ittla has thoroughly renovated tho
Tioneta House, und ro-l'uruished it eoui-
I ei rly. All who pntronl7.o him will bo
wall entertained at reasonable rates. 'M ly
FCIEST HOUSE,
D11LAC1C PROPRIETOR. Opposite
. Court House, Tionesta, Pa. Just
opened. Everything new and clean asid
fresh. The host of liquors ket ronstautly
on hand.- A portion of the public patrv,,!
mi it reapoetfully solicited. 4-17-ly
Scot Hoi, "
FAOUNLUS, PA..K. A. Roberts, Pro
prietor. Yhls hotel has ieiai recently
re-fiirn'rKyl Rn, now olfera atiporior ac-
OOHV ..l.lin.u In irilika'u VA-1 V.
s-iy.
pr. J. L, Acomb,
piiyJilCIAN AND NURGKOX, wholia
l had fifteen years' expcrlencoin a large
.iuid aueeeHsfiil practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Olliuo hi hia Drug and
.Urocery Storo, located in Tidioute, near
'i'ldioute llouae.
IN HIS STORE WILL ni3 FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobai'oo, Cigars, Stationery, Cilm,s, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and fine Groceries, all of the
liost quality, and will bo sold at reasonable
rates.
H. R. Rt'ROESS, an experienced Drug
gist from New York, has charge of tho
More. All prescriptions put up accurately.
S -SwI, O.ol'O. IP.
n. a. mat. J so. r. rim. a. a. killt,
MA Y, PA Jt K C CO.,
;b .A. IST IK E! -jr, s ,
Corner of Elm" Wf.' nut Sts. Tionesta.
Bank of Dineount and Deposit.
Interest allowed on Time. Deposits.
.'Colleotioni madoon all tho Principal points
of the U. 8.
Collections solicited. 18-ly,
KO. A. LJLS l-rl. J. I.'bal,, CMh0r.
TIOITEA
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank trnnsae.ld a General Ranking
.Collecting and Excliango Business.
gratis on the Principal Cities of tho
United States and Europe bought and sold.
(iold and Silver Coin and Government
hoeurities bought and sold. 7-Su lioiids
converted on the most t'avnrahlo tortus.
lntorest'al lowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, If.
VOL. V. NO. 1 L
TENEYCK&VANDEUSAAL
Wllol.KSAI.K ItKTAtr.
CO NIT EC TIG XERS.
STORE: No. 3 South Seneca Street,
next noon to row okkicb.
JIASCFACTORY
3'J-ly
No. 88 Sorth Scuera Sired,
OIL CITY l'KNX'A.
D. W. CLARK,
(COJIMISSIONKh'S CI.KUK, TO II KIT CO., l'A.)
JULIL ESTATE AGENT.
HOUSES nml Lots for Sale and HEN'rp
Wild Lands for Snip. 1 .
I hnvo superior facilities for ascertaining
Iho condition of taxes nnd lax deeds, Ac,
and mil therefore qualified to net Intelli
gently as audit of those living nt a dis
tance, owning lands in the Comity.
Ollleo In Commissioners ltooin, Court
House, iioncsia, ra, a
4-41-lv. D.W. CLARK.
Vov Itonnling IIoiinp.
MltH. f. S. Hl'LIXOS lias hullt a largo
adilitinn to her house, anil is now pre
pared to accoinniodntc a number of perma
nent hoarders, and all transient ones who
mnv favor her with their pntronnijf. A
rood btnblo has recently been built to ac
commodate, tho horses of guests. Charges
reasonable. Rosidenco on Elm St., oppo
site H. Haslet's storo. 5t-ly
" a7 h. PARTRIDGE,
IiKAI.KIl IN
it jjttisr an TTttJH,
CHAM 15 Ell SUITS, SOFAS, TA ISLES,
CI I A 1 1!S, HEDSTEADS, MAT
Tltl'.SSKS, 1 ,OUNi i ES,
Sl'HI.NU 11EDS,
AC, AC,
FJIAMIXU VIL TUHE8,
A STKCIAI.TV,
Has a large variety of Moulding of all
kinds, and will fiame to order nil pictures
brougiii to linn m any aiyie to suit uiisto
n.ers.
Rooms In mvnnil storv of ltonner if Mo-
Kay's new building, Elm Hi., Tionesta,
Fa. oiMlin
OEIMSTOX & BIOSi:V,
CENTRE STREET, OIL CITY, PA.
KOOKtf,
STATIONERY,
FANCY' UOODS,
TWINES,
TOYS, INKS,
WIIOLKSALF. A NO KI'.TAII..
Books, Ncwspapors and Magazines
MAILED TO AN Y ADDRESS
A.t publishers rates.
80- lv
GROCERY AMD PROVISION STORE
IX TI OX EST A .
GEO. W. BOVARD & GO.
HAVE nst brought on a complete and
carefully selected stock of
FLOUR,
GROCERIES,
PROVISIONS,
- t j n
nnd everything necessary to tho eonm''lB
stock of a first-class Grocery Hr.use, w'liich
they have opened out nt their establish.
inent on Kim St., fitst iluor north of M. E.
Cl'Virch.
TEAS,
COFFEES.
SUGAKS.
SYRUPS,
FRUITS,
SPICES.
HAMS, LARD,
A XI) ii?0 VISrOXS OF ALL KIXV.
at the lowest cash prices, floods 'warrant
ed to bo of tho best quality, 'Jan nmj ex
amine, and we believe vCKn hylli vou.
r o , U 1:a Vi . HOVARD Jt CO.
Jan. 0, '12,
QONFECTIONARIEg
I
AGNEW.
at the Post Omce,
bus
opened out
l choice lot or
GROCERIES,
COXFECTIONAMES,
2 0 J A CPOS,
. CJGAfiS, AND
NOTIONS OF ALL KINDS
A portion of tho patronage of tho publii,
is respectfully solicited,
Tl ON KSTA, PA., FEBRUARY 12, 1873.
Silt1'. JONKS'S I'HIATi:,
A sanguinary pirate sailed upon the
PpnniMi main in iv rakish-looknig
schooner which vns culled tins Mary
Jane. Sho cnrrieil lots of howitzers
nnd deadly rifle guns, with shot, pow
der and percussion caps in tou9.
The pirate wns a homely man, nnd
(short and grim nnd fat ; ho wore a wild
nnd awful scowl bencnth his slouching
hat. Swords, pistols nnd stillntos were
arranged arouud his thighs, nnd de
monicnl clnrinir was quite common
with his eyes.
I 11!. 1 1,1 1 t...l,na ,.1,1
axis ouujr uiuiiv iiiuii.- ttii-ina twin-n
nway beneath his noRe, nnd dropped
in elegant fixtootis nhout his very toes.
He hardly ever spoke at nil, but
when such wns the case, his voice
'twas easy to perceive was nuke a
hcttry bass.
lio was not a serious pirate; nnu
despite his anxious cures, he rarely
went to Sttudnv School, and scldoai
said his pruyers. Ho worshipped love
ly woman, and hu hope m i lie was
this: to calm his vild, tumultuous
soul with pure domestic bliss.
lien conversing with Ins ship
mates ho very otten swore Hint lie
longed to give up his piracy nnd se.ttle
down on shore, lie tired oi blood
and plunder; of the joys that thov
could bring; ho sighed to gain the
love ef some, aiTfccliunate thing.
One mornins ns Mary Jane went
bounding o'er the sea, tho pirate saw
a merchant bark fur elf upon his lcc.
He ordered a pursuit and spread nil
sail (lint ho could spare, nnd then
went down iu hopeful mood to shave
and curl his hair.
Ho blacked Jiis bomts nnd pared his
nail, and tied a fresh cravat; ho
he cleaned his teeth, pulled down his
cuffs and polished up his hat; ho dim
med with Hour the radiance ofJiis fiery
red nose; for, hanging with the vessel's
wash, he saw some ladies' hose.
Once moro ou deck, the stranger's
hull he riddled with n bull, and yell
ed : "I say, what bark is that if" In
answer to his cull the skipper on the
other boat repled in. thunder tones:
"This here's tho bark Matilda, nnd
her captain's name is Jones I"
The pirate told his bold corsairs to
man the jolly boats, to board the bnrk
and seize the crew nnd slit their tarry
throats; and then to givo his compli
ments to Ciiptniu Jones, nnd say he
wished that he aud Mrs. Jones would
come and spend the day.
They reached tho bark, they killed
the crew, they threw them in tho sea,
and then they sought the captain, who
was mad as ho could be, because his
wife who saw the whole sad tragedy,
it seems made all the ship vociferous
with her outrageous screams.
But when the pirate's message came
she diicd her streaming teers, and said
although she'd like to coma tho hud
unpleasant fears that, pirates' social
statu being evidently low, sho might
meet some common people whom she
wouldn't enre to know.
Her husband's aged father sho ad
mitted dealt in bones, but the family
descended irom tno famous uuiio ue
Jones; and such blue-blooded people,
that tho rabble might be checked, had
to luake their social circle excessively
select.
Before she visited the ship she wanted
him to say if the Stnythes had recog
nized him in a social, friendly way ;
did the Jonsons ever see him in their
ancestral halls? Wni he noticed by
the Thomsons? Was he asked to
8imtn's balls?
The pirate wrote that Thomson was
his best and eldest friend ; that he
often stepped nt Jonson's when he had
a week to spend. As for the Smythcs
they worried him with their incessant
calls; his very legs wore weary with
the dance at Simms's balls.
(The scoundrel fibbed most shaino-
lessly. In truth he i!y Knew a lot ' '
Smith'-jrritaout a most plebeian
crew, xlis Johnsons use a vulgar h,
his Thompsons spelled with p, his
Siinses had one hi, aud tlusy were com
mon ns could bo.)
Then Mrs. Jones mussed up her
hair and donned her best delaine, nnd
went with Captain Jones nboarJ. the
schooner Mary Jauc. 'i'iio piruto won
her heart nt r.ea by saying with n
smile, mver saw a woman dressed
Tilth biicli exquisite style.
The pirate's claim to status sho was
very sure was just, w hen she noticed
how familiarly the Jonsons he discuss
ed. Her aristocratic scruples then
were quickly laid aside, and when the
pirate smiled ut her reciprocally she
sighed. - ,
' No seoner was the newer love wHh-
in her bosom born, than Joue.s was
looked upon by herwithhatredandwitli
scorn. She taid 'twas true his auces-
' "'as famous Duko do Jones; but
li" "r ii ' remember that his
site shudJereu ..
father deult in bonce. . j a
So then they gof t CV"
and '...eked hint .with a word, and
clmnned l.i,,. i.,lJ fit t le l)US UUd t0CCl
Tho chaplain read
ffeptMtcfttt.
bark before the w'nlew's weeping eyes
was gobbled by a shark.
The chaplain turned tno prayer
book o'er ; tho bride took oil her
glove ; they swore to honor, to obey,
te cherish, and to love. And, freight
ed full of happiness, across the ocean's
foam the schooner glided rapidly to
ward tho (urates home.
And when tho ecstacy nnd joy their
hearts could hold no more, that pirate,
dropped his anchor down nnd rowed
his love nsdiore. And as they saunter
ed up the street he gavo his bride a
poke, nnd said, "In them there man
sions live the friends of whom I
spoke."
She glanced her eyes along the
plates of brass upon ench door.and then
lier anger rose ns it had never done
before. Sho said : "That Johnson has
an hi that Thompson has a p
Smith that spells without a y
.' The
is not
the Smith for inc.
And darkly scowled sho then upon
that rover of tho wave. "False!
False!" she shrieked, and spoke of
of him as "Monster, traitor, slnvel"
And then she wept and tore her hair,
and filled tho air with groans, and
curccd with bitterness the day she let
them cut up Jones.
And when nt last she'd spent on
him tho venom of her tongtio, she
seized her pongee parasol and stabbed
him in tho lung. A few more ener
getic stabs were at his heart required,
ami then this scand'lous buccaneer
rolled over and expired.
Mill brandishing me parasol sho
.mi ii .i , .
sought the pirate boat, she loaded up
n gun nnd jammed her head into its
throat; and fixing last the trtggei'.tlien,
with string tied to her toe, she breath
ed, "Mother!" through the touch-hole
and kicked and let her go.
A snap, a fuzz, a rumble; some stu
pendous roaring tones and where ou
tho earth's surface was the recent Mrs.
Jones? Go ask the morning winds,
the wave, tho mist, the murmuring
sea ; go ask tho h.sh, tho coroner, the
clams but don't ask me. Max Ado
ler. The Boston Advertiser says that:
Some time last year wo told the story
of the Lexington, Kentucky, munici
pal government. In old times theciiy
was Democratic. When the negroes
were enfranchised it becamo Republi
can. The State Legislature, however,
dreading the consequence of an elec
tion, extended the terms of the oflicers
of the city two or three times; nnd we
believe it to he true that the oflicers
of tho city now in power wero elected
more than three years ago for one
year only, nnd have never gone before
tho people iu nil that time. This state
of things, however, could not last for
ever.and last Wednesday a newclectiou
was held. The City Council had ar
ranged the mutter in advance. Spe
cial lints were prepared, aud no citizen
could voto whose name was not upon
them, although there is no registry law.
A correspondant of tho Cincinnati
Commercial describes the election, and
says that he himself, although possess
ing every qualification for n voter,
was denied the privilege. Last No
vember thero were 2,'iOO Republican
votes in the city. Lust week, no less
1.02G colored voters were rejected
more than tho w hole number of Demo
cratic votes cast. The colored men
were provided with aflidavits showing
that they wero legal voters, but these
certificates were disregarded. There
seems to be no doubt that the Ken
tucky Democrats made a mental reser
vation when they subscribed to the
Cincinnati platform.
Dr. G. H. Ke yser, of PittsburjI ig
a very lean, bony, skeleton-looking
man, and has au of'.ce. en Liberty
street. Oue 'Jay when the Doctor was
tut, a small tiy with a basket came in.
ma office bov. utter showing turn mo
odd articles, concluded to frighten tho
lad, and suddenly opened tho closet
where a human skeleton was standing,
and shaking tho dry bones, alarmed
the boy so that he ran away, leaving
the basket. When tho doctor eume
in ho iuquired who left the basket.
Ou being told, ho reprimanded tho
oflice boy and started him out to look
for the frightened lad. He soou return
ed n'd'.l reported the little fellow on
the opposite side ot tho street but
afraid to come in. Tho doctor went
tothedoor to induce his little frightened
costotner to coma over, and beckon
ing him with his long, bony hand,
called to him pleasantly. The young
urchin cast a suspicious glance ut him
aud answered: "No you don't! I
know you if you have got your clothes
ou
lie mistook the doctor for the
ikeletoa be hud btcu frightened with.
To add to Stokes's misfortune, and
lessen tho probability of Lis escaping
the gallows, it has just come to light
that' Fisk's murderer is related to Mrs.
f:m,,i' Dix. which fact, instead ef
inclining the (ioverner toward S'.okes,
would make Lim less inclined to inter-
C.r. but it. kholl Id bo attributed to
family inlluciue.
S2 PKH ANNUM.
A I'AK.IICIl IN A IM'ANDAKY.
The Memphis Appeal is responsible
for the following comical, if not in
credible, story. It says that a few
days ngo a gentleman living near
Madison Station, on the Memphis nnd
Little Rock road, left his home to go
to the village. Ho had not proceed
ed more than 200 yards, mounted on
a lineal descendant of Balaam's nss,
when he encountered a great, greasy
black bear. Tho bear was nstonished,
and without taking time to think, hur
ried up a scaly-bark hiekary nnd seat
ed himself very comfortably ou nlimb
thirty or forty feel from the ground.
Tho farmer wns completely puzzled.
If he should ride bntk lo tho house
to got his gun, (he bear would
surely escape. He therefore tied the
mule a long-eared, melancholy mule,
forty or fifty years of age, to the body
of the tree. The inu!e was bridle
wise, but no bridle could hold him,
n:id a strong leather cablo wns kept
coiled about his neck. With this he
was fastened to the tree. Tho farmer
started for the house, and bruin, di
vining his plans, deemed it prudent to
get away. Ho doubtless suspected
that a gun was coming. Ho came slow
ly down, tearing the bark from the
body of tho tree. It rattled about
the sleepy mule's head, who had not
yet seen the bear, aud dreamed not of
the proximity of the ugly beast. The
bear descended slowly until within
five feet of tho mule's ugly head.
Then it was that tho stupid, inno
cent, unsuspecting mule looked up.
lie had never seen a bear before. JI is
knees smote one another. He grew
palo in the face. His eyes were pro
jected from his head, the farmer said,
half afoot. Hie tailwasslowl 'luted,
the hairs nil turned nway, till it stood
at an angle of forty-five degrees above
its spinal column, and then it was that
the mule "hoved n sigh and smoled a
smile." It was nn unearthly sound.
The fanner, fifty yards away, says it
shook tho ground where he stood
watching tho progress of events. Tho
bear suddenly twisted itself about and
re-oscended to its perch. Tho mule
swooningly fell nt tho bnse of tho tree.
Ho lay still nnd apparently lifeless for
a time, when bruin ngnin attempted
the descent; but tho terrified mule
howled nnd roared even more terribly
and piteously when the bnrk begun
to fall, and he dashed nnd danced
about the tree so frantically that bru
in hesitated, and finally, in slupified
amazement, sat upon the limb upon
which ho first rested. Hie farmer
cati.0 with his rifle, and a bullet soon
stopped the pulsebcats of t'io bear. It
tell lienvily beside the mule, ami
strange to tell, ns told to us, the mule
nnd bear died side by sido ; the one of
a mortal wound, the otner ot mortal
terror. J. he bear was still black: as
Erebu3 ; tho mule's fac was already
white with an indescribable ngouy of
mortal fear.
Jl'STH U IN I'Al.lt'OHMA
Tho first Alcade, in lSol, in Yreka,
California, wns known us "Cut-eve
Foster," but ho left no docker, f'd
soon ran away, and Georgo C. Vuil
reigned in his stead. No luw book
was ever used in his court; ho decided
each enso on its own merits, writing
out the full history, and his docket is
a curiosity. In one case brought bo-
fore him, a boy had driven .
lea is
from Oregon, and worko-J all winter
fur a man, who dee'.incd lo pay. He
sold out iu the spring ,)J w3 leav
ing suddenly, when, on complaint of
'V.o bov, S'uil and two constables stop
ped him on the road. It was proved
that he had received three thousand
dollars on his sale, but ho declared
himself unablo to pay, though not
denying the boy's claim. Judge Vail
decided in theso words: "Constable,
stand this man on his head, shako him
well, and sco if you can't hear some
thing drop!" No sooner said than
done. A vigorous shaking brought to
light n wallet contuiniug two thousand
dollars in gold dust; the boy received
his claim of three hundred dollars,
the judgo and constables took nn
ounce apiece for their trouble, and the
defendant went his wuy a lighterman.
Justice like this was cheap at three,
ounces.
A trceu individual, who was a
stranger to mirrors, aud who stepped
into a. cabin ot one ot our acean steam
ers, slopped in front of n largo pier
glass which he thought was a door,
und scciug his own reflection, said: .
"1 say, mister, wheu does this ere
bout start?"
Incensed ut the siletil figuro, he then
broke out:
"(in iO thunder! ve sas-ufru-s color
ed, shocked headed bull-calf, yu don't
loul; as if you knew enough lo answer,
a'.i) how.
Tho Williunihpoit man who blew
tho snow elf his roof with'nilro glyct-
riiiii thinks he will use slate o:t his
new hoti-e.
Rates of Advertising.
One Squnre (1 inch,) one inertlon - fl AO
Ono Square " one month - -110(1
OnoSquaro " three months - II (
Ono Squnrn " one year - 10 en
Two Squares, one year - - 15 Ou
Quarter Col. ' - . - .mm
Half " .... fio 00
Ono " " -. - - 100 00
Legal notices nt established rates.
Marriaae nnd death notices, gratis.
Ail bills for yearly advertisements col
lected quarterly. Temporary advertise
ments must be paid for in advance.
Job work. Cash on Delivery.
HOW TO iKT AI.OXl.
Do not stop to tell stories in
busi-
ness hours.
If you have a place ef business be
found there when wanted.
No man can get rich by sitting
around stores and saleons.
Never "fool" in business mattes.
Have order, system, regularity nnd
promptness.
Do not meddlo with business you
know nothing of.
Strive to avoid hnrsh words and
personalities.
Do not kick every stone in your
path! Merc miles can be made in a
day by going 6tcndily on than by stop
ping. l'ny ns yon go.
A man of honor respects his word
as he docs his bond.
Help others when you can, but ncv-'
er givo what you ennnot afford to, sim-'
ply because it is fashionable.
Learn to say no. Nn necessity of
snapping it out dog fashion, but say
it firmly aud respectfully,
Use your own brains rather than
those of others.
Learn to think and act for yourself.
Keep ahead rather than behind tho'
times.
J.t cigars alone, money goes fast
enough without being puffed away.
Youns men cut this out and if there
be folly in the argument let lis know,
i p i
Francis Joseph, of Austria, has k
mania which induces him to collect
skulls of remarkable criminals.. Ho
has over four hundred of these, nnd is
always looking about for opportuni
ties to add to his museum. Under
these circumstances criminals must!
experience very uncomfortable sensa-,
tions, when applying for pardon or tt j
commutation of seutence, as if they ,
have heads at all remarkable in shape .
or development, the emperor will cer- ,
taiuly refuse to interfere, as ho will ;
naturally desire to give them a place
in hi; collection. But then tho crim
inal has this ad vantsgo: his head-piece .
will bo handsomely housed and duly
labeled with tho details of his crimo
gummed conspicuously upon his pa- t
rietals, instead of remaining unknown
and lots in tho disgraceful debris of
the potters' field. This is well worth
considering.
A . Chicngo gentleman having
grown wealthy suddenly, wrote to a
local newspaper, and inquired the best
way of obtaining au entrance into the
best families in the city, high-toned
houses, society, and all that. The ro- '
ply was, to go to the front door, or,
if do display was desired, go. down tho
coal hole iu the cellar, and then np in
to the parlor, or go down through tho
scuttle in the root) just as ho felt in
clined. A young lady teacher in a Lawrence,
Mass., Sunday School cnught a boy
smiling, last Sunday. Said she: "What
are you smiling nt, Johnny?" "Noth
ing, mum," was the answer. "I know
better," said tho tencher, severely.
'"Nq'.y tell me what it was." Johnny
looked frightened ns he Btutteringly
said, "I I s-see your u-newspaper
g-sticking out, mum." Tho teacher
sat down suddenly nnd nrraugeil
things.
It i. becoming very popular among
"swell" dancers of both sexes to stick
i lucre noses up at quadrilles nnd latir
ciers. 11ns is not in good taste, it
young people, liow-u-days, insist upon
whirling themselves through tho world,
they ought certainly to allow the
older people n chance to dance on tho
"square." As the former have "Ger
mans," why do not the latter get up
some "Americans ?" All hands arouud.
"Fa," said a little, seven-year fellow,
"I guess our man, Ralph, is a goodt
Christian." "How so, my boy ?" que
ried the parent. "Why, pa, I read in
the Bible that tho wicked shall not
live nut half his days; and Ralph
says he has lived out ever sinco ha
was a little boy."
It is said that the newspapers are
the means of a great many ladies "get
ting their backs up." The best con
ducted papers often make a great
bustlo among them, and uearly every
tiewspnper is a waist basket.
A young man who atended a lec
ture on tho subject, "Are we better
than our fathers?" started for lioiim
saying, "I'm going to get tho better of
in i no somehow, any wuy."
A married ladies' "Come Home
Husband Club" is now announced. It
is. about four feet long and has a brush
ut the end of it.
Which would you rather, that a
lion ate you or u tiger? Why, you
would rather that the lion ate tho ti
ger, of course.
Oue day wheu Mrs. l'urliiigtou
heard thi minister suy that there
would bo n have hi tho new church,
ehu observed that knew who the,
party wait,"
him overboil.',
tho scryj;'a aud
4(-tf
I AOXI W.
the
Captain in