II FUBLIBITGD BVEPY WEDNESDAY, BT
W. R. DUNN.
Office in Kryox's Bulldlig, Klrt Street
TERMS, $2.00 A YEAR.
No Subscriptions received for a Bliorter
period thnn throe monti's.
Correspondence solicited from nil nnrts
t the country. No notice will be taken of
annonymous communications.
Marriages and Dor.th notice Inserted
jrrntis.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
, WBWTON PETTIS.
MILKS W. TATE.
PETTIS & TATE,
Attorneys at law,
Im Wrtet,
TIOXKSTA, PA.
Isaac Ash,
ATTORNEY AT T.AW, Oil Citr, Pa.
X111 practice In the various Courts of
tForeat County. All business entrusted to
all rare will receive prompt nttenti n.
18 ly
Tf i W. Xuon, 0org A. Jen
TKmiu. r- jn 111,, r.
Mason jenKs-
TTORNKYS AT LAW . omoo on F.lm
" .,ui, TionoxiA, i'a.
C- ""-V. Gilflllan,
ATTORNfY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Pa. tf.
. R. AIlllIS,
D. I. FASSKTT,
HAIlitlS C FASSETT,
Attorneys at Law, Tltuavllle Penn'a.
PRACTICE In nil the Courts of Warren,
Crawford, Forest and Vonana;o Coun
ties. 40-tf
W. P. MerclUiott,
ATTORNEY A COUNSKLOlt AT LAW
Tlonesta, Pa. Oflice on F.lm St oct.
The professional services of the Hon. S.
Y. Johnson can ho secured through mo if
desired in any business entrusted to me in
Forest Co. Oolleetioim promptly attendod
to. Also Heal Kstato A gout.
Tlonesta House.
MITTEL, Proprietor, Elm St. Tio-
iiesta, l'a., at the mouth of the creek,
Mr. Iltlo has thoroughly renovated tho
Tlonesta House, and ro-lWnished it com
pletely. All who patronize him will ho
well cntnrtuined at reasonable rates. I'D ly
FOREST HOUSE,
DULACK PROPRIETOR. Opposito
Court House, Tionesla, Pa. Just
opened. Everything now and clunn and
frash. The best of liiiiors kept constantly
on hand. A portion of the public patron
age in respectfully solicited. 4-17-1 v
Holmes House,
TMONESTA, TA., opposite tho Depot.
C. 1. Mubic, Proprietor. Wood Sta
bling connected with the house. tf.
Scott House,
FAOCNPUS, PA., E. A. Roberts, Pro
prietor. This ho' el has been recently
re-furnished and now otlors aupeiior ac
commodations to pues's. iS-ly.
Syracuse House,
TlDIOUTf.PA., J. A 1) Maokk, Prople
tors. The house hnsleeii thornuithlv
refitted and Is now in the tirst-eloss order,
with tho best of accommodations. Any
nformalion concerning Oil Territory at
this point will be cheerfully furnished,
ly J. Al). MAOER,
Exchange Hotel,
LOWER TIDIOUTE, Ta., D. S. Rams
DkkIi A Hon Prop's. This house having
been retited is now the most desirable stop
ping place in Tidiouto. A good Milliard
ltooiii attached. 4 ly
National Hotel,
TRVINETON, PA. W. A. Uallenback,
"Proprietor. This hotel Is Nkw, Btid is
iOW open as a first class house, situate nt
ne junction of the Oil Creek A Alleglieny
tiTcrand Philadelphia A Erie Kail mails,
pposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
. ver trains will find this the most conveni
ent hotel in town, with llrst-class accom
uodaions and reasonable, charges. tf.
Dr. J. L. Acorrib,
PHYSICIAN AN D tUR(i EON, who has
had fifteen years' experience in a large
and successful practice, will attend oil
Professional Calls. Ollice in his Drug anil
Grocery Store, located in Tidioute, near
Tidiouto Houso.
IN UIS STORE WILL BE FOUN D
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, (J lass, I'aintH,
Oils, Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of the
' ltesl quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
.11. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
(list from Kew York, has charge of tho
Store. All prescriptions put up accurately.
jjio. r. nut.
A. B. KELLY.
MA f, PAIIK C CO..
BA 1TKERS,
Corner of Elm A Walnut Sts. Tionesta.
Bank of Disoount and Deposit.
Jnterest allowed on Time Deposits.
(Collections made on all the Principal points
of the U. S,
Collections solicited. 18-1 y.
, " A. PALS, hu J. T. DAI.I, Cubtor.
TIOITESTA
.SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank transact., a General Ranking,
Collecting and Exchange Business.
Drafts on the Principal Cities of the
, United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-.H0 Bonds
converted on the most favorable- terms.
interest allowed on time deposits.
War. 4, tf.
SLOAN I VAN GIESEN.
. BLACKSMITHS
AND
WAGON-MAKERS.
Corner of Church and HI in StrovU,
TIONESTA. ?A..
Tills Arm Is prepared to do all work in
(U lino, and will warrant everything done
at their hh m to give salif,jl-hii, par
ticular suvultot) given to
iioitsr-Niionxj.
TIe thwra trial, and you will not re-
rtn. ji iy.
T7
? UKJtfST
" Let us have Faith
VOL. V. NO. 32.
D. W. CLARK.
(COMMISSIONER'S CLKRK, FOREST C'J., r.V.)
It HAL ESTATE AGJcSNT.
HOUSES and Lots for SiOo nnd KEN rp
Wihl IaiiiI. r,.rt'.i. I
... .... . .
I have siinerlor fuel I If I-. r
.... " " r7 n fi Birri nil ill Mir
the p'lllillMnn nrinn....i ... .i , n
, :, " iei "x iioens, ore.,
and am thorefore qualMod to act intolli-
. ..Mi. oi. tiioso living Bt a tlis
IVrn owPn lF-" n tho County,
olllce In 'commissioners Room, Court
House, Tl onesta, Pa.
4-41-ly. r v r'T.AT'tr
w. mTHHinns, rtiu
T. A. W.K1HT tWr.
OfO. . III1HKIIMIK,
K l DITIIHIUUK. Tnu
THE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO.,
MANUFACTURERS OF
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c.
Mills on Tinnrsta Crrrk, Forest Co., To.
Yards k Office cor. Hi 1 Rail Rond Sts.,
PITTSRURGII, PA.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Hnrnoss Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors nortli of Holmes
House, Tionostn, I'a. All work is war
ranted, tf.
Wm.. F-llers,
LICKNCFI) AUCTIONIF.lt, will ntumil
to all business in that, line promptly,
at reasonable rales. Address
WM. i'liLUSRS, Newman villa, .
f-3m. Clarion Co. l'a.
RPWARD DITIIRIDOK. S. ll" DITIIKIIXII
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Kstablished A. P. 1S27.
BlTHEllDGE & SON,
MANUFAOTURKBS OF
Dithridge's xx Flint Glass
PATENT OVAL
LAMP CHIMNEYS.
AND
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
These chimneys do not break by heat.
Ask for DiTiiRiDOKs. Tuke no other.
DITIIRIDOK A SON,
Pittsburgh. Pa.
24-ly.
Acu Itourdlii"; IIoiimo.
MRS. S. S. HUI.IXOS has built a lamo
addition to her house, and is now pro
pared to accommodate h number of pernm
nont boarders, and all transient ones who
may favor her with their patronage. A
K-mhI stablo has recently liwn built to a
commotlate the horses of quests. Charu'os
reasonable. Residence on Kim St., oppo
site S. Haslet's store. Sl-ly
JONES HOUSE
CLARION, TENN'A.
S. S. JONES
Proprietor.
GROCERY A"D PROVISION STORE
IN TIONESTA .
GEO. W.BOVARD&GO.
HAVR nst lirntiKht nn a complete and
carelully selected stock of
FLOUR,
GROCERIES,
PROVISIONS,
and everything necessary to the complete
stock ofatlrst-oiassiirocory House, which
they have opened out at their establish
ment on lilm St., first door north of M. fc.
Church.
TEAS,
COFFERS,
RITOARS.
aiivbxo, rrtu I ITS,
KPICES,
HAMS, lard,
A nd rito VISIOXS OF all kisds,
at the lowest cash prices. Ooods warrant
ed to Ihs of the best qualil v. Call and ex
amine, and we believe we can suit von.
OICO. W. IIOVARU k CO.
Jan. 9. '72.
uvnirna ... . '
Lloyd & Sow,
WATER STREET, TIONESTA, PA.
1T WE JUST OPENED an extensive
Stock of
FLOUR AND FEED,
GROCERIES AND PROVISIONS,
Which they offer to the public at rates as
low as can be ottered by anv other estab
lishment in town. Give us a call before
purchasing elsewhere,
'-am. LLOYD SON.
A MIIIA C L IS I
Mr. Samuel Red, of W. E. Schinerts t
Co , Wholesale Hoot and Shoe Manulac)ur
ers, 31 Filtli avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa,, has
been alllictcd with chronic rheumattidi for
thi.ty years, from his riMt hip to his Unit,
having to uno a crutch and a cune, at times
so painrul as to utterly incapucitalo him
from attending to his business. Having
tried every remedy known, without effect,
except Uilliland s Pain Killer, ho was
finally induced to try it. A second applica
tion enabled him to lay aside his crutch,
and a third effected a permanent cure. Mr.
Uell is a popular and well-known cilizen,
is a living monument of the etfacacv of
thai MTeat medical discoverv, tiillihuul's
l'uin Killer. 'Hie alHii-tcd should ask their
(rrm'er or dru gist lor it, and trv its won
iUrt'ul power. Mr. Uillilund, "we under
stand, wants a respectable anient in every
town and county for it. The principal of
fice U at 72 U'Uird Avenue, Pittsburgh Pa,
81-4t I
that Right makes Might ; and
TIONESTA, PA., WEDESDAY. NOVEMBER 13, 1872.
A Long Story Briefly Told.
There was a certain king, WM0, like
many Li stern kings, , ng very fond of
hearing nories t'!u. To this amuse
ment he gave up all his time; but yet
was never HRtislied. The exertions of
all his coc.riiers were in vain. He, at
last, muJe a proclamation, that if any
man should tell him a story that
should last forever he would make
him his heir, and give him the princess,
his daughter, in marriage; but if any
one should pretend he had such astorv
I but should liiil that is, if the story
I did come to an end ho was to have
his head chopped off.
For such a prico as a beautiful
princess and a kingdom many candi
dates appeared ; and dreadfully long
stories some of them told. Some last
ed a week, some a month, some six
moths. Poor fellows I they all spun
them out as long as they possibly
could; hut in vain. Sooner or later
they all canio to an en-1, and, ono af
ter another, the unlucky story teller
had their heads chopped olf.
At last came a man who said he had
a story that would hut forever, if his
majesty would be ploaxud t0 give him
a trial.
He was warned of his danger; they
told how many others had tried, and
lost their heads ; but he aid he was
not afraid, unu so he was brought be
fore the king. He was a man of a
very composed and deliberate way of
speaking, and alter making all requis
ite stipulation lor time for bis eating,
drinking and sleeping, he thus began
his story :
"Oh, king 1 there was once a king
who was a great tyrant. And desir
ing to increase his riches, he seized
upon all the corn and grain in his
kingdom, ai.d put it in an immense
granary, which was built on purpose,
as high as a momitiun.
'This he did for several years, till
the granary was quite full up to the
top. He then stopped up doors and
closed it up on all sides.
"But the bricklayers-had, by acci
deut, left a very Small hole near the
top of the granary. And there came
a flight of Jouuslsj and tried to get at
the corn; but the hole was so small
that only m-e locust could pass through
at a time. So one locust went in aud
carried olf one grain of corn, and
then another locust went in aud .car
ried olT another grain of corn, and
then another locust went in and car
ried oil' another grain of corn, and
then another locust went in and car
ried off another grain of corn, and then
anothei locutt went iu and carried olf
another grain of coru, and then an
other locust went in and cairied oil'
another grain of coru,"
He had gone on thus from morning
till night (except when he was engaged
at his meals, for about a month, when
the king, though a very patient king,
began to be rather tired of the locusts.
and interrupted his story with
"Well, well, we have heard enough
nf the locusts; we will appose that
they helped themselves to all the corn
they wented. Tell us what happeud
afterwards."
To which the story-teller answered
very deliberately :
"If it please your majesty, it is im
possible to tell what happened after
ward before I have told you what hap
pened first."
And then he went on again
"And then a locust went in and car
ried off another grain of corn, and
then another locu6t went in and car
ried off another grain of corn, and
then another locust went in and car
ried olf another graia of corn."
The king listened with unconquera
ble patience six months more, when he
ugaiu interrupted him with
"Oli, friend ! I am weary of your
locusts 1 How soon do you thing you
will have done f"
To which the storj -teller made an
swer "Oh, ling, who can tell! At the
time to which my story has come, the
locusts have cleared away a small
place, it may be a cubit, "each way
round the inside of the hole, and the
air is still dark with locusts on all
sides. But let the king have patience,
and no doubt, we shall come to the
end of them in time."
Thus encourap-ud, the kini listened
for auother full year, the story teller
going on still as before. "And then
another locust went iu and carried off
auother grain of corn, and thcuanoth
er locust went in and carried off an
other graiu of corn, and then auother
locust went in and carried off another
grain of corn," tii) at last the poor
king could bear it uu longer, and cried
out
"Oh, man, that is enough! Take mj
daughter! take my kingdom! tukeuiy
anything everything; only let us
hear no more of your abomnable lo
custs ?"
And so the story-teller whs married
to the king's daughter, nnd was dc
clured heir to the lliroue ; and nobody
ever expressed a with to hear the res't
of his story, for fie said it was impos
sible to enme to the other part of it
till he hail dune with the locusts. The
unreasonable, caprice of the foolish
king was over matched by the ingi-ui-ous
device of this wise man. ,
13
KEPU
in that Faith let us to the end,
A Letter f em NVrk Twain.
To the Editor of the London Spectator :
biR: I only veil turn to intrude
upon y'.H became I come, iuoneseiise,
in the interest of public morality, and
this makes my mission respeetiibic.
Mr. John Camden Hotten,of London,
has, vf his own individual notion, re
published several of my books in
England. I do uot protest sgainst this,
for there is no law that could give
effect to the protest ; and, besides, pub
lishers are not accountable to the laws
of heaven or earth in any country, as
I understand it. But my little griev
ance is this : My books are bad enough
just as they are written ; then what
must they be after Mr John (Jaindeu
Ilotten hns composed half a doz. ii
chapter aud added the same to them If
1 feel that all true hearts will bleed
for an author whose volumes have liill-
: en under such a dispensation as this.
1 If a friend of yours, or if even your
J self, were to write a book and set it
( adrift among tho people, with the
! gravest apprehensions that it was not
up to what it ought to be intellectual
ly, how would you like to have John
, Camden Ilotten sitdowu and stimulate
I his powers, and tlrool two or three
! original chuptcrs ou to tho end of that
book?. Would not the world seem
old ami hollow to you? Would you
not feel that you wantd I to die and be
at rest? Little the world knows of
true suffering. Au.l suppose he should
entitle tliee chapters : "Holiday Lit
erature," "True Story of Chicago,"',On
Children," 'Train up a Child, and
Aay he Goes," and "Vengeance,"
aud then, ou tho strength of having
evolved these marvels from bis own
consciousness, go on and "copyright"
the entire book, and put in the title
page a picture of a man with his
bands iu another man's pocket, and
tho legend "All Rights Reserved." (I
only suppose the picture; still it
would be a rather neat thing.) And,
further, suppose that, in the kindness
I of his heart and tho exuberance of his
untaught fancy, this thoroughly well
meaning innoacnt should expunge the
modest title which you had jjiveu your
book, and replace it with so foul an
invention as this, "Screamers aud Kye
openers," and went and got that copy
righted, too. And suppose that on
the top of all this he continually- and
persiotently forgot to offer you a'single
, penny, or even send you a copy of
your mutilated book to burn. Let
j one suppose all this. Let him sup
I pose it with stnngth enough, and then
ho will know something about woe.
Sometimes when I ri ad one of those ad
diiional chapters constructed by John
, Camden Ilotten, 1 fuel us if I wanted
to take a broom straw and go and
I knock that man's brains out. Not in
j anger, for I feel none. Oh ! not iu
.anger; but only to Bee, that is all.
I Mere idle curiosity.
And Mr. Hotten says that 0110 nom
tie plume of mine is "Carl Byng." 1
hold that there is no affliction in this
world that makes a man feel so down
trodden and abused as the giving him
a name that does not bt loiitr to him.
How would this sinful aborigine feel if
I were to call him John Camden Hot
tentot, and come out ill the papers and
say he was entitled to it by divine right?
1 do honestly believe it would throw
him into a brain fever, if there were
not an inoUperahle obstacle iu the
way.
Yes to come back to the original
subject, which is the sorrow that is
slowly but surely undermining my
health Mr. Hotten prints unreviseJ,
uncorrected, and. In some respects,
spurious books, with my name to them
as author, aud thus embitters his cus
tomers against ono of the most inno
cent of men. Messrs. George Rout
ledge & Hons are the only English
pulishers who pay iim auy copyright,
aud, therefore, if my books are to dis
simulate either suffering or crime
among readers of our language, I
would ever so much rather they did it
through that bouse, and then I could
contemplate the spectacle Calmly as
the dividends came iu,
I am, sir etc.,
Sami ei. L. Ci.EMK.H,(Mark Twain).
London, Sept. '20, 1872.
A precocious youth of Altoona, Pa.,
having birreptitiously obtained u
package of powder and a cigar stump,
the other evening, soon realized the
fact that tho way of the transgressor
is hard. While smoking the cigt'r
stump, he saw his mother coming to
ward hiai, and at once slid the cigar
into the pocket containing the powder.
Hi baud, the cigar uud the powder
got out of that pocket "quicker'u
blazes," aud the youthful hero is now
securely "hottlled up" for a few days'
rest at home. This Alloona boy was
'thoughtful beyond his years. Realiz
ing thut he had no right to be smok
ing, he provided the means to blow
himself up, aud thus saved his mother
that trouble. How few children are
thus careful to keep unncce.-sury care
from their parents. Aud when we re
member how much anxiety iu tho len
der years of infancy, Ac, iSc.
Wearo rom of thesolcmii appcaance
of our cierks. We don't believe one
of them would laugh if bo saw auy.
body fall down mid break his leg.
BLICAN
dare do our duty as we understand it."LIIJCOLN.
Perkins has the Toothache
When I went to bed Inst night I ap
prehended trouble. Along one-sido
the left one occasionally capered a
grumbling sensation. It kept me
awake an hour or 10, trying to deter
mine whether that was all of it, or
W hether there was something to come
after that which would need my wake
ful presence, to contend against. Thus
pondering I fell asleep and forgot all
abodt the trouble. I don't know how
1 slept, but I fell to determining that
I had made a match for $58 a side, to
fight a cross-cut saw in a steam saw
mill, and was well to work nn the job
when the saw got my head between its
teeth. I thought it was a favorable
time to wake up, and so I did. It im
mediately transpired that 1 might
better have stayed where I was and
taken the chances with the saw.
I found myself sitting straight up
in bed, with one hand spasmodically
grasping my jaw, and the other sway
to and fro w ithout any a parent cause.
It wan an awful pain. It bored like
lightning through the baseme.-t of my
jaw, darted across the roof of my
mouth and then ran lengthwise of my
teeth. If every pang had been a drunk
en plow chased by a demon across a
stump lot, I think the observer would
understand my condition. I could nu
more get hold of the fearful agony
that was cavorting around in roe than
I could pick up a piece of wet boup
when in a hurry.
Suddenly it stopped. It went, giving
me a parting kick that fairly mude me
howl.
I llioug'it I was rid of the toothache,
but a grumbling set in in the morning.
It was just like the feeling of the
night before, and a still small voice
said to me, "Look out, Perkins."
I did. I went right away to the
dentist who has pulled the teeth of oi:r
family and knew our peculiarities.
There was an unusual smell about his
oflice; it was very suggestive of trouble
and as I snuffed it in I experienced a
sinking liel.ng iu the pit of my stom
ach. I looked at him and sickly
smiled. He was never, even on a hoi
May, the handsomest of men, bui now
his appmraiice was very, very .icpre.s
ing. He looked likp a corspo with a
lighted candle inside of it.
I told him what the matter was with
me how I had been up all night with
a four-story pain ; how my wife had
been thrown out of bed by tho violence
of my sutli-ring , bow "
He asked nie if I wouldn't sit down.
I sat down on what was once a hogs-,
head, but now was cut down and new
ley carpeted. IIo held back my head,
opened my mouth, and went to fishing
around inside with a piece of watch
spring.
And while he angled he conversed.
Said he :
"You have caught a terrible hard
cold."
"I have."
"It seems the trouble is with ono of
the bicuspids."
ut rnnrso 1 (lulu t know what a
bicuspid was, but I thought i- wouldn't
look well in the head of the family
being stuck with so short a word as
that ; so I asked him with some vigor ;
"Which one?"
"The timorous one," said he.
"I'm glad it ain't worse." I replied
with a sigh of relief.
"The frontal bono is not seriously
affected, the submaxillary gland is
somewhat enlarged, but it docs not
necessarily follow that parotitus will
ciijue."
"I am proud to hear that," said I,
w hich I ci rtainly was, olihough if the
pitri titus bad ensued, it is not likely
that I should have minded it much,
unless it was something that would
spoil, as I was dressed up iu my best.
He kept on falsing and angling.
"The oesophagus ain't loose," he re
marked. "Mi?" said I, winking at him.
"Oh, no, ligaments are linn. I
might say "
"Did it hurt you?" he asked, as
cool and calm as the lid of an ice
cream freezer.
"Hurt me! Great Heavens! Did
yon expect to split nie open iviih a
watch spring and not hurt me? What
was the matter did you slip?"
"Certainly not," he said, "I was josl
getting hold of the tooth. Just hold
your bead buck an instant, and I will
have it out at once."
"I guess I won't try it again," said I,
with a thiver. "The toothache is bad
enough, but it is a heaven along side
of that watch spring. You may come
up some time w hen 1 am t at home, i
think I could endure the operation if I
was about eight blocks off Come up
when you can."
'Now, John, suppose there's a load
of hay on one side of a river and a
jackass on the other side, and no
bridge, and the river is too wide to
swim, how can the jackass get to the
hav!' Til give it up,' 'Well, that's
just what tlie other jackass did.'
"Who wus tho meekest man, my
son?" asked the supct iutendeut of a
boy's Bible class iu this State. "Mo
ses, sir," "Very well, my boy ; and
who was the meekest woman ?" "Please
sir, thero never was uo meekest woman."
$2 PER ANNUM.
The Humo-s of Frontier Lite An
Arkansas Letter.
Dover, October 3, 1872. My Dear
Boy The double-barrel that you sent
came safely to hand, and I was only
shot at otn-e while I was carrying it
home. Bill Slivers popped at me
from behind the fence as 1 was passing
his house, but I had loaded the two
shooter as soon as I got it, and he
didn't jump from behind that fence
but once.
I am glad that one of the barrels is
a rifle, as I needed it for long range
practice. The other I can fill with
buckshot, and can riddle a man nicely
at close quarters. I mean to try both
barrels on those Jetts when I meet
them. Yon src, oid man Jett stole a
mule from us in the war, and when it
was over, pap laid fir hi in and killed
him. Then Nigger Tom Jett, as we
called him the black-faced oue ho
laid for pap and jilugged him. Then
I picked a lii is with Tom and cut him
iuto giblets, and since that time his
britherSuin has been laying for me.
I know- it is his torn, but I think my
do .ble-barrel will prove too much for
him.
If you want to see fun, come down
for a while and bring a rifle. It don't
make any di Mere nee which side you
belong to, and it isn't eveu necessary
t.i join the militia. It is easy to get
up a grudge against somebody, aud
ull you have to do is to lay for your
man and knock him over. Belli nd
my pig pen is ono of the sweetest hid
ing places I know of, and it is so han
dy ! A good many people come within
range iu the course of a week, aud a
man can pass his time right plcasunt-
I wish you would send me a cata
logue of Suuduy school books, with the
iiriccs, if there ara any in St. Louis,
f we can get them ou time, we will
take a big lot of books. I am Super
intendent of the Baptist Sunday
School now, and am running it under
a full head of steam. Old man Byers,
who was turned out, is right 'mad
about it, and swears that he will chaw
me up; but he will chaw lead if he
don't keep clear of nie.
My w:tb wntits to kuow if yu can't
send her a set of teeth without Jier
getting measured lor them. Her $2.r)
set was busted all to flinders by a pis
tol shot that went through her mouth;
but didu't hurt her tongue. Write
soon to your friend and pard.
I. S. That sneaking, ornery cuss,
Sam Jett, crept op lust night and fired
at me through the window, but he
didn't hiipp'-u to kill any one except
a nigger girl. I mean to go for him,
though, to-dny, and will bo glad of a
chance to trv the iloubie barrel.
A Gifted Memphis Lawyor, who Ed
ittd Two Pkipers, Beth Daily.
An antiquated writer in the Mem
phis Appeal has dog up out of his
memory the following rich story. Tho
young lawyer referred to is still flour
lshinir iu Memphis: "There whs nev-
er gealer local excitement than that
which grew out of this infernal navy
I . : i : ii .ir ,i . i .. . .
juiu oiiMiice. iillil him people were
iu favor of accepting the property,
and half or more opposed it, tho latter
thinking thut tho government might
bo induced even yet to inako liberal
appropriations and perfect the navy
yiud, and build 8hips and steamers
here. Thero were two newspapers
published here one a morning publi
cation, edited by a gentleman of no
ordidary ability, named B.tnkhead,
who was tragically and mysteriously
assassinated some six years ago. There
was another, an afternoon paper, call
ed the AVic.i, (I believe that was its
name,) edited by n man named Yan
cey. These editors opposed one anoth
er on the navy yard question, and
their discussion had begotten a good
deal of excitement, when both went
away for the summer, and each with
out the other's knowledge employed
the same ir.au, this young lawyer, to
conduct hi-J paper in his absence. The
young I. ml) of the law naturally
enough took to both sides of the ques
tion. He made the controversy be
tween the two papers holler at'il hot
ter on each successive day. Crowds
gathered each afternoon about the
Ne ii'ii ollice, and somebody ei pet ted
that the two furious editors ivo'ild
sheil blood. 1 he coming duel iu Ar
kansas was confidently anticipated,
and the feiocity of the two papers was
marvelous. Popular excitement was
i nl disc when Jiaukbead came hurry
ing homo from Virginia and Yancey
from Alabama, each thinking the oth
er was about to murder his own sub
stitute. Such was the fervor of popu
lar feeling and exasperation thut tile
story was necessarily kept quiet. If
flic mischievous fraud upon the pub
lic passion hud beeii exposed at the
time, tho deceiving editor would have
been hanged to a lump-post.
To the auxoiis inquiry "How shall
we kcip our b. ys iu nights?" we
would respectfully suggest a total ab
stinence from unripe fruit.
They must have had the mumps iu
a virulent f.nn up in Sherman. Eve
ry other person one meets ou the
street luoks as if ho had been guessing
at the weight of a mule.
Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one Inertions - fl ."ht
OneK. mam " one month - - ;t mi
due N'i'mie " three months - Olio
ma fmiiwe 4 " ono year - - , 10 ou
Two-y,Uiircs, one year - " l.'i 00
(iuntirCol. - - - - :to 00 '
Half -! . . . . en on
One " " - - - - 100 00
lliislm'ss Cari.1 not exceeding ono Inch
in lonjith, $10 per year.
I.enl notices at established rates.
These rates are low, and no deviation
ill be made, or discrimiiialionnmoni;
I strons. The rates otfered are ueh, s.s
.Mil make it to the advantage of meudol.
business in the limits of the circulation of'
ti.e i'Hiier to advertise liberally.
A notable personage has just diet
Mr. Augustus Smith, King of tho
Scilly Islandj, of which there are 140,
although only six are inhabited. Mr
Smith was a wealthy and crotchety
Euglisman, who iu regard to govern
ment had notions of his own which he
wished to carry into practice, and so
he became lessee of Scilly Islands, un
der the County of Cornwall. He thus
became King of about two thousand
subjects, most of whom were a wretch
ed lot of peasants, fur the islands are
poor aud unfruitful. With a court of
twelve men he ruled the land, re-adjusting
the relations of land and peo
ple, and attended generally to their
moral, and religious status, although
IP Ine i'Utcr item he was not very
strict. He made the children go to
school, and in every particular the in
habitants hud to obey him almost as
if thev were slaves. Once he packed
off all the residents of one of the is
lands, aud turned it into a deer-park,
but in recompense be gave the poor
inhabitants better accommodations
than they had ever had before. At
first he was greatly disliked, but when
the islanders came to see that his rule
was w ise and beneficient, and that they
greatly improved under it, thev learn
ed to like and respect him, and at his
death he was much regretted. This is
probably the first king who has borno
tho name of Smith, at least iu modern
times, and it is not likely that he will
have a successor to his title.
The following paragraphs are taken
from verious numbers of the Danbury,
Connecticut News, a paper whose lo
cals aro often quoted and generally
admired for their quaint and good
uaturcd wit and lively insight into hu
man nature :
As two country lads were pa-sing a
druggist's establishment, where a sign
was exhibited which had on it tho
words "Congreis water," one asked tho
other what sort of water that was?
"Why, you fool," replied his compan
ion, "that's what they fpout in Con
gress." A Greenwich man has invented
something that goes iuto a cow of
horse and briugs out anything like a
potato that may be misplaced. A good
tleal of enjoyment in an animal's eat
ing is mnrred by the apprehension of
accidents in swallowing. The Green
wich man's invention will be apt to
give the animal more confidence.
A Balmforth avenuo mau was ob
served going up home this morniug
with a gun that will carry at least an
once ball. As ho lives next door to a
man who is learning to play Rory
O'Mooro on a pair of cymbals, we
have thought it best to print au extra
number of copies of our next issue.
Orders left at the uews stands of this
oflice will be promptly attended to.
The few lines received on the death
of several individuals, iu tho past
week, aro respectfully declined. We
don't like this kind of poetry. We
receive a great deal of it, but we don't
seem to harden under it. Now if tho
authors of these affecting stanzas would
only try to control their feelings and
not give way so to the bitterness of
their grief it would be much bet
ter for them and for those depending
upon them. They would hud the
world to be brighter; they would
grow purer and nobler themselves,
aud might iu time and we don't
think it too much to expect might
learn to spell.
Numerous boys with worms are oft"
fishing 'bis week.
Partridges in Beaver Brook are
tame enough to eat from the hand
when properly cooked.
The Michigan newspapers are full
of items the price of shot-gun, hav
ing been reduced to ?7.
"Man proposes woman opposes,"
says a cynical bachelor, who probably
never proposed iu his life.
Tracts designed to meet the special
requirements of the people who aro
putting up stoves would have a good
run just uow.
The boy that crocs in swimming at
tho railroad bridge with nothing
to conceal his nakeduess but a
mole on his back is respectfully re
quested to either give up that habit or
change that mole to tho front.
A South Street boy can make one
hundred aud sixty-five "faces" with
out sitting down. The feelings of his
brokeu-hcarted father, when reaching
fur him with a strup, cau better bo im
agined thau decribed.
A choral association forming here
wants sonicbady to lead them. Tho
people who live next door to whero
they rehearse are equally auxious for
somebody to lend them; and th-j further
he leads them the better thcto outraged
people will feel.
Little Lulu was most philosophical.
Two or three hours after caliug a
hearty dinner of succotash she com
plaint d of stomach-ache.
'Perhaps," suggested her mother,
"tho succotash you uto is troubling
i,
you.
"Oh, no, muiiima," she replitJ, "it
isn't that it's ever so far below the
fcUcoti'..-h."
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