.ww
he forest gUpuMkm
KatC3 of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one Inertloiis (1 ,V)
OneSqiiaro " one month - - ant)
OneSquaro " tliree month - 00
One Square " one year - - Hi 0
rirnt.isiiED evf.hy Tuesday, by
W. R. DUNN.
TIco In Knox's nulldlngi Elrr Street.
LICAN.
i
.
: s
wo Siitiares. one vear - - 15 0 t
(Hurler C'l. ' - - - - ;t0 Oil
Half " " .... no 00
One " " . - --- 100M
TERMS, $2.00 A YE A Tit
No Subscription received for ft shorter
ilod thiiii throo month.
Correspondence solicited from all parts
!' iho country. No noiico will be taken of
iionyinoii' communication,
farrliiftos and IJonlh notice Insortod
itiH.
Business Cards, not exceeding one Inch
In length, $10 per year.
" Let ua havo Faitli
VOL. V. NO. 15.
that Right makes Might; and in that Faith lot us to the end, daro do our duty as wo understand it."--LINCOLN.
Legal notices at established rates.
Tlieso rates are low. and no deviation
ill bo innile, or discrimination amonce
;etrons. 'I ho rates ottered are such, ss
will make it to the advantaireof men ilol. j
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JULY 1(5, 1872.
$2 PER ANNUM.
business in the limits of the circulation of
the taper to advertise liberally.
Fores
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
WRWTOX TE1TIS.
Mlt.KS W. TATR.
PETTIS & TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
. Street, 270.VKST.-t, PA.
Isaac Ash,
TTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Pn.
V Will practice In tho various Courts of
rest County. All business entrusted to
cars will iecoivo prompt altontlun.
l'liy
. W, M uon,
TlnUMt.
Georga A. Junks,
Mroukvlllt, r.
' Mason 4 Jorks,
fTORNEYS AT I,AV. OITlco on Kim
. Htreot, abovo Walnut, Tionesta, Pa.
C. W. GiirUlan,
TTORXEY AT LAW, Franklin. Vo-
nanKO Co., l'a.
tf.
tt. X 4 mils, D. P. FAHBUTT,
HAKlilS C FASSKTT,
'rtioya at Law, Tltusvllla Ponn'a.
RACTICK In all the Courts of Warren,
Crawford, Foront and Venango Coun
i. 4!-tf
W. P. Mercllllott,
TTORNEY A COUNSELOR AT LAW
1 Tionesta, Pa. Ofllco on Elm Htreot.
o profossionol services of tho lion. H.
Johnson can bosoettred tlirouph me if
ired in any business entrusted to me in
rest Co. Collections promptly attended
. Also Ileal KHtato Agent.
Tionesta House.
T ITTE L. Proprietor. Elm St., Tlo
! nesta. Ph.. at the mouth of thocreck.
r. flllo has thoroughly renovated tho
nsta Houso, nnd re-furnlslind it eom
Melr. All who palronizo him will bo
jII entertained nt reasonable rates. -0 ly
FOREST HOUSE,
A RLACK PROPRIETOR. Opposite
Court House, Tionesta, Pa. Just
"enad. Evorvtliinir now and clean and
usli. Tho host of liquors kept constantly
u band. A portion of tho publiu patron
o is respectfully solicited. 4-17-1 V
Holmes House,
niONFKTA. PA., ommsito tho Denot
L C. 1). Mftbie, Proprietor. Uood Sta
ling connected with the house. tf.
Syracuse House,
"MDIOUTF, Pa., J. ,fe Maoer, Proplo
. tors. Tho houso has boon thoroughly
'Html and Is now in the first-class order,
tU the best of accommodations. Any
urination concerning Oil Territory at
s point win bo ciieeriuiiv turnisnen.
y J.iKMAUHK,
Exchange Hotel,
OWER TI MOUTH. Ta.. P. S. Rams
i DKKi.it Son Prop's. This house having
nrolltoil is now tho most ilesirahlesioi
ii? place in Tidloute. A good Billiard
mm attached. 4-ly
" National Hotel,
tVINETOX. PA. W. A. Ilallenliacls
Proprietor. This hotel is Nw, and is
w open as a first class house, situate nt
njunc.tlon in tiie uu ireoK it .iici;iieny
vtirand Philadelphia fc Krio Railroads,
poaito tho liopot. Parties having to lay
.r trains will tintl 'his the most eonven
.t hotel in town, Willi llrst-class ewim-
alutloiia anil reasonable chantes. II.
Pr. J. L. Acorrib,
I1YS1CIAN AND SUROEOX, who has
had llfteen years. experience in a larifo
1 Hiiocesstul Druflice. will attemt at
ofOHsioual Calls. OMIco In bis Drug and
oeory Storu, loeateU In Tiuiouuj, near
.iioule Houso.
1 JI HIH STORE WILL RE FOUND
lull assortment of Medicines, Liquors
oaooo, Cigars, Stationery, tHass, I'aiuta,
s.Cutntrv. and tine Urocerlcs, all ol In
'1 quality, uud will be aold at reasonable
l. R. RURC.ESS. an expevieiu-ed Drncr-
I from New York, has ciiarKO of the
re. All jirescrintious put up accurately,
I UAI.K. Pr..L 1. T. DAl.R, C.dilei
TIOITESTA
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forost Co., Pa.
i'IiIs Rank transacts a General Ranking,
Hoc tiim and Exchange Rusiness.
Mratls on the Principal Cities of the
liitml States and Europe bought and sold
lild and Silver Coin ami tJoverninei
M'urlties bought and sold. 7-110 Honda
"verted on tiie most favorable terms,
Interest allowed on tiino deposita.
Mar. 4, tf.
Lloyd &Son,
WATER STUEKT, TIOKE3TA, PA.
f AVE JUST OPENED an xtonsivo
A block of
LOUR AND FEED,
GROCERIES AMD PROVISIONS
ldch they oflVr to the public at rates a3
w aa can bo oll'ured by any other estau
Jiment in town., tiive us a call before
roliasinir elsewhere.
Hl-ain. LLOYD & SON.
SLOAN & VAN GIESEN.
3LAGE1SMITHS
AND
7 AGON-MAKERS.
Corner of Church and Elm Streets,
CIONESTA PV.
This firm is prepared to do all work in
. line, and will warrant everything done
ilieir shops to give satisfaction, l'ur
ulur attention given to '
: iionsi:iiiB:ixcj,
a-
va them a trial,
nt it.
and you
will not re-13-ly.
ITATCH FREE to Agents to intro-
duce articles that sdll jn oyerv house.
Co., Pittsburgh, 1
Hit
D.,W. CLARK,
(COMMINSIONKll's OLKRK, FOIIKST CO., PA.)
HEAL EST ATJ'J AGENT.
IOU.SES nnd Lots for Sale mid REN'rp
Wild I,ands for Salo. 1 .
I have superior facilities for ancertalnlnir
the condition of taxes and tax deeds. An..
nd nm therefore niialltind to act Intelli
gently as a 'j(i it of those living nt a dis
union, owninii lands in the Comity.
(Mllee In Commissioner Room. Court
onsn, Tloncsla, Pa.
fl-lv. I). W. CLAKK.
UW. niTIUlMViK, Pn-t.
T A. WRKlllT, Sn.
til.O. W. DtTH K T Ix'lR,
DiuIukm Hunnger.
IMTIIlllUdi:, Tnw.
HE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO,,
MANUFACTURERS OF
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c.
Mills on Tionrsta Creek, Forest To., Ta.
Yards & Of ire tor. 22d & Rail Rond Sts.,
PITTSBURGH, VA.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Threo doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesta, l'a. All work Is war
ranted, tf.
KIrRD DlTHUimiE.
K. D. DITHRIDOK
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Kstablishcd A. D. 1827.
.PITHR10GE& SON.
MANUPACTUKEnS OF
Dithridge'a xx Flint Glass
PATENT OVAL
LAMP CHIMNEYS.
AND
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
Tlieso chimneys do not break by heat.
Ask for PlTitniDOES. Tnko no other.
J)ITH RIDGE A RON,
25-ly. rittaburgh, Ta.
New IConrdliig ZIou.sc.
MRS. H. S. IIULINGS lias built a larpo
addition to her house, and is now pro
nared to accommodate a number of ponna-
nent lioarilers, anil all transient ones who
mav favor her with their patronaite. A
pood stablo has recently been built to ac
commodate the horses of quests. Charges
reasonable. Residenco on 101m St., oppo
site H. llaslot'a atoro i-ly
JONES house:,
CLAPJON, TENN'A.;
S. S. JONES . - Proprietor.
1TBW .
GROCERY AND PROVISION STORE
IN TION ES TA .
GEO. W.BOVARD&GO.
HAVKJustbrounliton a coi.iplote and
carefully soleelod stock of
FLOUIt,
GROCERIES,
PROVISIONS,
and everything necessary to tho coinpleto
stock ofu II rat-class Urocory House, which
they havo opened out at their establish
ment on Kim Kt., first door north of M. K.
Church.
TEAS,
COFFEES.
SUO.ARS.
8YRUPS,
ritUITS,
sfices.
HAMS, LARD,
A NO PRO VISIONS OF A LL KINDS,
at the lowest cash prices. Goods warrant
ed to bo of Xhe best quality. Call and ex
amine, and wo believe we can suit you.
GEO. AY. ROVARD A CO.
Jan. 9. '72.
A M I 11 A t' Ia
K !
Mr. Samuel Roll, of W. E.
Schinertz it
Co., Wlinlesalo Boot and Shoe Manufactur
ers, 31 Fifth avonno, 1'ittsburnh, Fa., has
been afflicted with chronic rheumatish for
thiity years, from his rinlit hip to his foot,
having to use a crutch and a cane, at times
so painful as to utterly incapacitate him
from attending to his business. Having
tried every remedy known, without effect,
except Gilliland'H l'aiu Killer, he was
linaliy inducod to try it. A second applica
tion enabled him to lay aside his crutch,
and a third effected a permanent cure. Mr.
Hell is a popular and well-known citizen.
is a living monument of tho ell'acacy of
that (treat medical discovery, Gilliland'a
Fain Killer. Tho atliicted should ask their
(rroeer or druggist for it, and try its wou
derl'ul power. Mr. Gillilaud, we under
stand, w ants a respectable agent in every
town and county for It. Tim principal ot-
iico is at Ti Third Avouuo, Pittsburgh Pa.
ai-
THE
BOOT AND SHOE
STOBB.
TF YOU WANT a perfect fit and a irood
X article of Roots and (Shoes, of the finest
woi Kiiiansinp, go to
II. J 4. MtCAXC'irS,
30 CENTRE STREET, OIL CITY, PA.
fiCrSatisfactioti cuarautcod. 2-33 tf.
AGENTS AYANTED Bound canvass
lng book
SENT FREE !
of postage on receipt of 75 cents,' and ox
eulhivo territory granted on the
PICTORIL HOME RIBLE.
Contains over 3(Hi illustrations. Isa com
plex Library of liiblical Know loilmj. Kx
cells all others. In English and German
Wni. Flint A Co., Phil,, Pa, 'J7-lt
Little Potter.
AJf INCIDENT OF THE REBELLION,
A short, little, square-built, dark
skinned twinkling-eyed young fellow,
was Known tho regiment over as 'kit-
tlo 1 otter. The name camo from his
trade before the war times, and from
the fact that ho was always talking
ouup gnu exuiiin.iug ciuys wim an me
enthusiasm of a geologist. Ho had
the faculty of becoming interested in
anything that any other man was do
ing, standing near the picket lire,
though untfcmfortablo himself, be
could always sugprcst a way in which
to make tho collcn boil, and would
gather up a little splinters and pile
under and about the httlo kettle, with
the keenest enjoyment, although the
- TV- 1 l i
cuuee ueiuugeii 10 mo most taciturn i
man in the regiment. Ho showed his
kindly interest in every man s afluirs,
and of course was universally liked.
At Nnloli, in the midst ot the
second day s battl6 JUittio rotter left
iuo company lor water ioruimscu nna I
i.,. . . .,1
several oi ins companions, a quick
change of position, a new line of bat-1
tie lormation, took place alter inn ue
parture, and Little Potter was seen no
more lor several days. Alter the
rebels retreated, he was acting as nurse
.4 V-.- 1 l.-..:il TT l.lt I
and the regiment on his return, but
found the hospital, and the division
surgeon ordered hira on duly and dis
covering his excellence as a nurse
would not let Lira return to his com
pany.
Ihere was a quarrel between the
captain and tho surgeon, tho former
seeing Little Potter as a skulker, and
the latter seeing him as a uselul man
who had made a mistake through no
fault of bis own. The captain report
ed Potter absent without leave, and
he was court martialed. rhe sentence
was that lie should forfeit six month's
pay. The men of the company were
very inditniant, but 1 otter said nom
ine Tho stoppage of tho pay told
sorely ou him, but he weathered the
storm, and came out as serene as
though ho had never been court mar
tialed.
Much clothing was lost at Shiloh,
and a list was made out of clothing
lost in battle.
Tho sergeant would ask :
"Well, Blame, what did you lose at
Klnloli7
Answer "An overcoat and knap
sack.
"What did you lose at Shiloh, Tot
ter 7 '
With iudiscribable drollery, Potter
said with a sortot lisp that was char
acteristic: "I lotjit theveuty-eight
dollarth I"
This was the only reference he made
to the court martial and six mouths
pay until the morning ot the terrible
December 31st, at Stone river. Ia the
hurry of the company formation for
battle, Little Potter was the first man
in place, after the orderly, and though
the shortest man iu the company be
held bis placo thorp in face of the
rule to tho contrary. There was
sweeping charge, x hat company leit
their dead further to the trout than
any other regiment in action on that
day. They were cruelly crushed, re
leutlcssly driven.
Little rotter was a giant in doing,
He kept his place next to the orderly
when the company was broken and
scattered. With precession that would
under other circumstances have been
droll, ho formed on the orderly when
ever a charge was made, and while it
was every man lor lumselt. As he was
ramming home a load a ball struck
him in the fleshy part of the leg, cut
ting a great gash, an J tearing his
clothes. He was advised to go to the
rear. 1 ho reply was :
"I will show them who is a coward
A shot struck him iu the left shoul
der, and ho became deadly pale. Still
with teeth and right band be tuauaged
to load his gun and tire. Another
shot struck him in the thigh and he
full. He was dragged to a stump and
placed so that the raking fire would
not touch him. lie deliberately
crawled round and placed himself so
as to face the rebels, and as the com
pany gave back in one of thoso almost
hftud to hauu lights, kittle 1 otter
kissed his hand to tho mau nearest
him and then nestled down with a
sigh of relief.
Days afterwards tho sergeant found
a pair of black eyes glistening from
festoouB of white sheets in a hospital
at Murfreesboro. They belonged to
Little Potter; broken-legged, broken-
armed and bandaged, lie could not
move and could hardly speak. But
as the tearful men bent over him be
lisped: "We wakthd them, didu't
we 7"
ihe rebels , lound turn braced up
against the stump, punching at them
with nis gun hem in bis one hand, as
they ran by. He was taken to the
hospital, and here day after day his
old comrades went to see him. They
did more; they wrote to General Rose-
crans, telling him the story. They
carried the letter along the red
tape
line, from brigade headquarters to
division, lrom division to corps, lrom
corps to army headquarters, and re
turued with au order from Rosecrans
himself, directing that the six month's
pay bo returned to Little Potter, that
all charges on the record be erased.
and that an order complimenting his
callantrv be read on nress nnrndA. ami
that a conv ha sent tn the man who
behaved so nobly. The order was
read on dress parade, and the docu-
tucnt, with all its array of endorse
menu and old Rosa's letter, were car
ried to Little Potter by men who could
narujy speat. lie seemed like one
transfigured, as ono of his old-time
friends read nnd re read the order let-
ter. lie had it held down to his eves
so that he cold see the red lines and
official signatures. Then came his
first tears.
"Now, boys, I don't care to get well.
It's nil wiped out, ain't it? I was de
termined to get well to wipe it out.
you know. But now torn up as I am,
It. ....... .. '
it is better to die.
And the next morning;, with tho or-
der and old Roso's letter on his bosom,
Littlo Potter died. And still can we
hear the cnzzlv old Burcroon's words as
he came to tho cot: "Dead. Why
uou 01C3S the DOT 7
-
Story for the Times.
There is a fable among the Hindoos
that a thief, bavins been detected and
condemned to die, happily hit upon
j. .l 1. i , ..
an expedient which gave him hope for
life.' Ho sent for the jailor, and told
him that he had a secret of great im
portance wlitcn he desired to impart to
the king, and when that had been done
ho would be prepared to die. On
ceiving this intelligence tho king or
ucred the culprit to bo conducted to
his preseuce, and demanded of him to
know Ins secret, ilie thiet replied
that be knew the secret of causing
trees to grow which should bear fruit
of pure gold. The experiment might
casny oe inea, ana nis majesty might
not lose the opportunity; so, accompa
nied by bis prime minister, his courti
ers, nnd chief priest, he went with the
thief to a place selected near the city
wall, where the latter Derformed a se
ries of solemn incantatious. This done,
the condemned man produced a piece
ot gold, and declared that it it should
be planted it would produce a tree,
every branch or which would bear
gold. "Jiut, he added, "tins must be
put into the ground by a band that
has never been stained by a dishonest,
act. My band is not clean, therefore
I pass it to your majesty." The king
look the piece of gold, but hesitated
I inally lie said : "1 remember in my
youDgcr days that 1 often niched
money from my fathers treasury,
which was not mine. I have repented
of the sin, but yet I hardly dare say
my baud is clean. 1 pass it, therefore,
to my prime minister." The latter af
ter a brief consideration, answered
"It were a pity to break a charm by a
possible blunder. 1 receive taxes lrom
the people. How can I be sure that 1
have reoiaiaed perfectly honest 7
must give it to the governor of our
citadel. JNo, no, cried tho gov
emor, drawing back; "remember that
I have the serving out of nav and
provisins to the soldiers. Let the high
priest plant. And the Inch, priest
said: "You iorget; 1 have the collect'
ing of tithes and disbursement of sac
rilices." At length the thief exclaim
ed: "xour maiesty I thmk it is bet
ter for society that all fivoof us should
1 I 1 iA. I J .1 . .
ue uaugeu, since it is louna tuai not
an honest man can be found among
us. in spttu ot the lamentable ex
posure the king laughed ; and so pleas
ed was ho at the thiet a cunning ex
pedient, that he granted him a pardon
Laws for the Million.
A note dated on Sunday is void.
A note obtained by fraud, or from
one intoxicated, cannot be collected.
If a note be lost or Btolen, it aoes
not release the maker he must pay
it.
An endorser of a note is exempt
from liability, if not served with no
tice of its dishonor within twenty-four
hours ot its non-paymcut.
A note by a minor is void.
Principals are responsible for their
agents,
Each individual in nartnorshin is re-
sponsiblo for the whole amount of tho
debts of the firm.
Ignoranca of the law excuses no
one.
It is a fraud to conceal a fraud.
The law compels no one to do im
possibilities.
An agreement without consideration
is void.
A receipt for money is not legally
conclusive.
The acts of one partuer bind all the
others.
Contracts made on Sunday cannot
be enforced.
A contract made with a minor is
void.
A contract made with a lunatic is
void.
This kind of literature is still popular
inilissouri: 'The at;'' ut mated eye
lids of MeLeod, of Calumet, were first
separated by an attentive nurse eighty
three years ago. Since that time thoy
have never looked upon a raiu that
for wetness would equal that which
spread itself over this villago last
week."
Advertising for Sealed Proposals.
A chap issued a leap-year invitation,
and sent the following notico to the
papers for publication :
TO COSTRACTOnS.
The undersigned, feeling the need of
some one to find fault with and grum
ble at, when business matters go wrong,
and being lonely with no one to hate
mm ; auu wnereas, naving arrived ai
the proper age, he is therefore deter
mined to "crawl out."
Healed nronosals will bo received un
til two o'clock p. m. on the 31st of
December, 1872.
Applicant must possess beauty.or its
equivalent in currency.
bhe must possess a sweet and forgiv
ing disposition, and when ono check is
kissed, tuin the other that is if the
right man is kissing.
hhe must not chew gum.
Nor wear long dresses in the street.
Nor frequent sewing circles.
.Nor co around befrsriiig for charita
ble purposes.
JNor read tho paper brst in the
morning.
JNor talk when 1 am sleepy.
Nor trade off my clothes to wander
ing Italians, for flower vases.
Nor borrow money from my vest
pocket when I am asleep.
JNor hold a looking glass over my
face at such times, to make me tell all
know.
She must believe in suddon attacks
of chills, and make allowances for
their effect ou the nervous system.
When the "old bear comes home
from "a few friends," rather affection
ate, she must not take advantage of
his stage and wheedle him into trips
to watering places.
And above all, she must not, on
such occasions put ipecac into tho cof
fee she prepares for his "poor head."
bhe must sit up lor him, when he
happens to be detained to a late hour
on his committee.
A lady possessing the foregoing
qualifications, positive and negative,
can bear ot something to their ad van
tage by addressing tho undersigned,
and inclosing a stamp.
All proposals must be accompanied
with satisfactory evidence of the abih
ity of applicant to support a husband
iii uie Btvie io wiiicu no uas oeen ac
customed.
Madame Leutner and her Husband.
Madame Leutner is a beautiful wo
man. One scarce knows which to ad
mire most her loveliness of person or
exquisite charm of manner. Her
smile is the sweetest in the world : with
such a smile she must be amiable. She
is under the protection of a staid.
somewhat eldeily, commonplace-look
ing husband Just the sort ot man
who, lor some inexplicable reason, is
sure to carry off the prize so many
more attractive, better-looking fellows
aro dying to secure. It is well tho
great cantatrice is married, else the
hearts of all bachelor Bostonians
would be laid at her feet.
fcne is thirty-three years ot age, in
the ripened prime of her beauty and
her genius, ller singing is marvelous
Risiug in clear, flute-like tones, it fills
every nook of the vast building, bcem,'
ingly without effort sho soars through
the involved mazes of tho melody up
to Gun alto, and there rests sublime,
When Mr. Uilmore announces her as
the greatest of living sopranos we
think he does not exagerate. Sho can
never win the world-wide reputation of
Nilsson and her sister singbirds who
Hit from clime to clime, as she is prima
donna for life at the Royal Opera at
Leipzig. Jubilee Cor. of N. Y. World,
Some years ago a Lazy Man's Socio.
ty was organized iu London, and one
of tho articles required that no man
belonging to the socity should ever be
in a hurry. If he violated this article
he was to stand treat to the other mem.
bers. Now it happened on a time that
a member, a doctor, was seen driving
post-haste through the streets to visit
a patient. The members of the socie
ty saw him, and chuckled over the
idea of a treat, and on bis return re
minded him of his fust driving an
violation of the rules. "Not at all,'
said the doctor, resolved not to be
done ; "the truth is, my horse was de
termined to go, and 1 lelt to lazy
to
stop hira." They did not catch him
that time.
Miendan, one day, when coming
home from shooting, with an empty
bag, did not like to go home complete
ly empty, and seeiut; a number
duckf in a pond, a farmer leaning on
a rail watching them, said, "What
will vou take fur a shot at the ducks?1
"Well," he said, "I will take half
sovereign." "Done," said Sheridan
and he tired into the mi J.-t of the flock
killing a dozen. "I'm afraid you have
mado a bad bargain," said Sheridan
"Well, 1 don t know, said the man
"they wern't mine."
A gentleman dining at a cheap res
tauruui tho other day was beard to
give tho courageous order: "Waiter,
let tho cheese move this wav.
was a cheeso very like that ou the ta
bio which was awarded the prizo to
gynianastics at a country fair.
Scene at an Auction.
A writer in the Spirit of the Timet
thus sketches a sccue in an auction
room that bo witnessed a few days
since. The at tides offered he said
wore "damaged goods" and that wo
men dote on them as they do on curly
headed babies.
The first articles put up were a pair
f blankets for which more than a
ozon bids were immediately offered.
Tho puzzled auctioneer, " however,
caught up the highest, which was a
dollar, from a female who seemed dc
termined to have them at any price,
when ere be could say "going" a malo
cried out "dollar lilly lrom tbo oppo
site side of the room.
"Iwo dollars: echoed tho woman,
elbowing her way through the dense'
mass of females who were separated
from the males by a long couutcr upon
which the glibtongucd auctioneer walk
ed to and lro with his goods.
'Two filly, nodded tho man.
"Thank yo, sir ; going at two fifty,"
cried the auctioneer.
"Three 1" screamed the woman.
"Give the fifty T" said the auctioneer,
turned to the woman with a ball-sup
pressed smile on bis small, sober visage
A nod lrom the woman.
"Three fifty I am offered ; give me
four; come, don't be afraid, they're
worth double the money.
"Yes, and that 8 all.
"Sold!" cried the dealer, almost
bursting with laughter, "to Captain
Smith not John for four dollars."
"Smith 1" cried the woman; "what,
my husband" raising herself on tip
too to catch a glimpse of him. "Why,
you good-lor-nothing mau ; you ve
been bidding against your own wife
Oh! you impudence 1 But I won't
have them about tho house.
Captain Judkins.
Captain Judkins, for many years
commodore ot the Uunard line o
steamers, bad a certain way occasion
ally of expressing himself in reply to
wnai no aeemeu poiuica questions
from passengers. Iu fact, a dove-like
sweetness of manner was not the com
modore's best point.
On ono of his latest voyages he bad
among the passengers liishop Little
john and wife, of Long Inland. Mrs,
Littlciohn one day, being near the
Commodore, asked him it it was not
coins' to rain.
"Ask the cook, was hisbluil reply
"1 beg pardon, sanr-JUrs. .Little
john, "am I not sgeuking to the cook?
History has not lulorined us as to
tho precise phraseology of his response,
Alas! Alas! the dog to Ins vomit.
the sow to her wallowing in the mire,
After all the mnss of prayers said for
the Prince of Wales during his sick
ncss, after the confident hopes exhibit
ed that when his convalescence should
be accomplished he would forsake bis
"wildness" und turn over a new leaf,
and become a model Prince Albert
sort of u man, it is said that tho re
stored prince exhibits as strong a ten
dencv fur concert saloons and low
actresses as bo ever did. Just the oth
er day he whisked off to Paris to see a
comedy acted there which wussoinde
cent that even tho Parisians were hor
riCed at it.
A lady in New York, wife of a dis'
tiuguiohud literary man, relates that
in her younger days she met at a party
the wife of a wealthy fellow-citizen, to
whom, on being introduced, sho inci
dentally remarked, "I see you every
Sunday ; we are members of the same
church." "Ah !" was the reply ; "where
do you sit 7 1 do not remember you
face. "Oh, we sit in the gallery,
answered the editor's wife. "Ini'oed!
in tho gallery?" echoed the fino lady
with a littlo shrug; then, remember
int; her manners, she added, "Well
some very respectable people sit in tho
gallery.
Be Gexti.emf.s at Howe. It
cruel aud cowardly, in uuv man, .to
speak to the women under his ow
roof in a manner that would forever
didgraco him if heard under any other,
And vet how many do it, alas! an
even go their way after it, selfishly fo
trettiuir the tears and tho bitterness
thev havo caused, and selfiolilv expec
Inc. if they remember it at all, that on
their return the domestic sky w ill be
without a cloud. Moro the pity whe
itist Then, indeed, is there danger
in the air; for then too often come
deceit, aud hypocrisy, aud iudill'ercuce
A colored preacher at Sparta, C!
some time ago was heard to say in
fuueral sermon of a deceased bruddcr
"lie rumiuatcs no lender aniont; us
ho have exonerated from the syllo
trisms of this world's discrimination
and when he gits to de cold dry strecm
of the River Jordan, the Kerosines
aud Pcriphcus will meet him dare to
row him over on dry laud to the sil
verstering city."
The Rev. E. B. S was recently
asked bis opinion of u young lady
much uillicted with tho "Grecian
beud." lie replied that she reminded
him of the woman mentioned in the
Heripturcn, "who had u spirit of infirm
itv. and could in no wise lilt up be
self."
An Irishman was going alone a
road, when an angry bull rushed upon
im, and with his horns tossed lntu
over a fence. The Irishman, recover-
ng from his fall, looked up and saw
the bull paywing and tearing up the
ground as the custom of that animal
wnen irritated : whereupon Pat. smil-
nguthim, said, "If it was not for
our bowing and scraping and your
limbic apologies, you brute! fuix I
hould think that you had thrown mo
over this fence on puposc."
'astagno di Cento Cavalli is tho
name given to an immense chestnut
tree up on Mount Etna whose circum
ference near the ground is variously
stated by travelers to be from 180 to
204 feet. It is related of Jeanne of
Aragon that when visiting MotintEtns,
attended by her principal nobility, a
icavv shower camo up, and sho and a
hundred cavalier3 took refuge under
tho branches of this tree, which com
pletely sheltered them.
The reason why tlia boys are not
more fond of croquet is that they stand
no chance when nlavinrr acainst a party
of deformed and hooped fcmalo swin-du-licrs,
who, when the ball is not in
good position, cast their voluminous
drapery over it, and thus concealing
both bail and lcet, cause the spheroid
to move iu a mysterious manner to a
different and better posish. This is
an old, old dodge, and not one man ia
a hundred dares object.
The Mobile Register publishes tho
following personal : A young lady who
has been greatly annoyed by a lot ot
young simpletons who stop under her
window at night to sing "It ever 1
cease to love," w ishes us to say, if they
will cease their foolishness, come in
and talk "business," they will confer
a favor.
"Charley, what makes your checks
so red ?" asked his sister's admirer, of
a little urchin five years old. "Cause
I put soma of sister's paint on. She
puts it ou every daf." It was an em
barrassing disclosure all around. At
least Charley thought so, after the vis
itor was gone.
"Death," said a Santa Fo paper.
with fleshless rapped at tho door of
Mrs. J. N. IJ. s soul, and obedient to
the inexorable call, the spirit of that
loved woman floated up to its Creator,
leaving her husband, children and
friends to mouru over tbo mortal
ket."
Lawyer "How do you identify this
handkerchief ?" Witness "By its gen
eral apncarance,and the fact that I havo
others like it." Lawyer "That's no
proof, for I have ono just like it in
my pocket." Witness "I don't doubt
that. I had moro than ono of the
same sort stolen."
A modest young lady at the table,
desiring the leg of a chicken, said :
"I'll take tho part that ought to be
dressed in drawers." A young gentle
men opposite replied : "I'll tako the
part which ought to wear the bustle."
Young lady fainted.
A Western New York miss unguard
edly volunteered tho remark in the
family circle that when gentlemen eat
warm maple rugar it gels into their
moustaches and makes them scratchy.
Her father is curious to know how she
found it out.
A man out West thought the lions
at a menagerie were poor-spirited
beasts, and tried to rouso tbeni by
poking them up with bis cane. He
says he misses his eye more than any
thing, uui ne never uiu caio lur uuau
much.
The workingmcn at Baltimoro are
showing a degree of good sense and
moderation which does them infinite
credit. Instead of getting up strikes,
they are holding meetings for consul
tation aud asking the cniployors to
participate.
It is the unvarying misfortune of
tbeso anxious reformers to bo contin
ually falling into the hands of their
cueiuics. Fifth Avenue was to all 'of -them
a smaller scalo repetition of Cin
cinnati. "Take your departure to the abodo
of the revorberatingechos of Heaven's
artillery!" angrily exclaimed a West
cm Congressman to au oppouent, "or,"
he mildly added, "iu plain English,
go to thunder!"
Five of the Indian tribes in Alaba
ma are civilized, temperate, intelligent
and pious. They have a population
of fifty-five thousand souls, of whom
ten per cent, are converted Christians.
The Cincinnati Commercial speaks
of "the a-bominuble, enervating aud
joyless pic-nie," as ono of tho Ameri
can bartiariiius that are scarcely tol
erated elsewhere.
A wretched old bachelor says ; "Af
ter all a woman's heart is the sweetest
thing in the world ; it is a perfect
honeycomb full of sells."
A Chicago editor recently received
a perfumed noto asking why Mr. By
ron, w ho used to write such sweet poet
ry, keeps so sileut lately.
"Boy, you are not far from a fool."
"Well, as wo air.'t moro than three
feet apart, I give in to that," was the
reply.
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