&ht &mi gvtpufctkan.
19 rUBLISHEH EVERY TUESDAY, BY
W. It. DUNN.
Office In Knox's Building, Eln Street.
Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 Inch,) one lnertlnns - f 1 SO
One Square " one month - - .'I OO
One Square " three months - t 00
One Square " one year - - Iff OK
H OREST
EPUBLICAN.
Two nqusres, one year - i- if
QunrtHr Col. -.-. ;ui nil
Half " " SO on
One " " - - . 100 00
Businowi Card, not exceeding one Inch
In length, 10 per year..
Legal notices at established rates.
Thoe ratct are low, and no devletlon
irill be made, or diwrimination among
pntrnna. Tho rates offered are such, ns
w ill make it to the advnntagoof mnndol.
busmen in the limits of the circulation of
tho riucr to advertine liberally.
TEnMS, J2.00 A YEAR.
No Subscriptions received for a shorter
period Uiitn three month.
Correspondent solicited from all part
of the country. No notice will be taken of
annonymous communications.
Marriage and Doath notices Inserted
ifratis.
" Let ua have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in.that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if--LINCOLN.
VOL. V. NO. 14.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, JULY 2, 1872.
$2 PER ANNUM.
R
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
. IWTO! PETTIS.
MILKS W. TATR.
PKTTIS & TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
glut Strttt, TIONESTA , PA .
Isaao Ash,
A TTORNEY AT LAW, OU City, Pa.
V Will practice in' the various Courts of
Forest County. All business nntrnsted to
)ali oar will receive prompt attention.
18 ly
yr. W. M uon,
Qeorgt A. Jeaka,
Draotvlllt, r.
Mason A Jerks,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Onice on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tlonesta, l'a.
C W. Gllfillan,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Ta. tf.
J. B. KAnillH, D. D. FA8SKTT,
HARRIS P FASSETT,
Attorneys at Law, Tltusvllle Penn'a.
PRACTICE in all the Courts of Warron,
Crawford, Forest and Venango Coun
ties. 40-tf
W. P. MercUHott,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR AT LAW
Tlonesta, Pa. Office on Klin Street.
The professional services of the Hon. H.
P. Johnson can be secured through me if
desired In any business entrusted to me in
Forest Co. Collections promptly attended
lo. Also ileal ijtlato Agent.
Tlonesta House.
TT ITTEL. Proprietor. Elm St. Tlo
ii nesta. Pa., at the mouth of the creek.
Mr. Ittle has thoroughly renovated the
Tlonesta Mouse, and re-furnished it com
pletely. All who patronize him will be
well entertained at reasonable rates. 20-1 y
FOREST HOUSE,
D BLACK PROPRIETOR. Opposite
. Court House, Tlonesta, Pa. Just
opened. Everything: new and clean and
fresh. The best of Ho, unrs kept constantly
on nana. A portion 01 me puuuo patron
age is respectfully solicited. 4-17-1 v
Holmes House,
HMONESTA, PA.i opposite the Depot.
-a. C U. Mable, rroprlelor. uoou Hta'
kllng connected with the house. tf.
Syracuse House,
rpiUIOUTE. Pa.. J. A D Maorr. Proplo-
J. tW. The house haslocii thoroughly
refitted and is now in the ilrst-rlass ordor,
. with the best of accommodations. Any
nformatlon concerning; Oil Territory at
mis point win be cueenuiiv inrnmiicu.
-ly J. ill). MAUEK,
Exchange Hotel,
LOWER TIDIOUTE, Pa., D.'S. Rams
iikki, A Hon Prop's. This house having
been routed is now the most desirable stop
ping place in Tldloute. A good Billiard
Koom atlachcdt , 4-ly
National Hotel,
TRVINETON. PA. W. A. Hallcnback
Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is
ov open as a first class house, aituate at
ne Junction of tbo Oil Creok & Allegheny
.(Ivor and Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
)Kisite the Depot. Parties having to lay
yer trains will Una tills the most yonven
f'nt hotel In town, with first-class acoouv
nodations and reasonable charges. tf.
Dr7i, L. Aconbi
PHYSICIAN AND SURG EON, who has
had fifteen years' experience in a large
na successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Office in his Drug and
Grocery Store, located in. Tidioute, near
Tluiouio House.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Clears. Stationery. Olasa. Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and tine Oroceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
roiea.
H. R. BURGESS, an exporiencedDrug
gist from Now York, has charge of the
ilore. All prescriptions put up accurately,
IT.
' JOHN A. OALI, PREt'T.
HN A. lROPIR, VICI PR EST. A. H.ITEELI, CAtHR
TIOZtsnEST-A.
SAVINGS BANK,
Tlonesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank transacts a General Banking,
Collecting and Exchange Business.
Drafts on the Principal Cities of the
United Status and Europe bought and sold.
Hold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 ltouds
on verted on Uie most lavorauie terms,
Interest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf. 4fe
SLOAN & VAN GIESEN.
AND
"W AGON-MAKERS.
Corner of Church and Elm St roots,
TIONESTA, IP A.
'Tills firm is prepared to do all work in
Its line, and will warrant everything done
nt tlioir shops to give saiisiaciion. r ar
ticular attention given to
IIOIISII-KIIOEIXC,,
aU- e thorn a trial, and you will not ro
Igr'et it. 13-ly.
Lloyd & Son,
i -
W1TEB STREET, TIONESTA, PA.
HAVE JUST OFENED uu extensive
Stock of
.JLOUR AND FEED,
H GROCERIES AND PROVISIONS,
Which they offer to the puKUo at rates as
low as can be enured by jfor other estab
lishment in town. Girfs a call before
purchasing elsewhore.
40-3m. . LLOYD fc SON.
Tl Republican Office
KEEPS constantly on hand a large as
sortment of Blank lHjoiU, Mortgages,
Nubpcenas, Warrants, Suiumons, A.', to
be sold 'jbcap for cah. tf.
D. W. CLARK,
( commissioner's CXKRK, FORKHT CO., PA.)
REAL ESTATE AGENT.
rjOUSES and Lots for Sale and ItENn
LA Wild lands for Sale. 1
I have superior facilities for ascertalnlnir
the condition of taxes and tax deeds, Ac,
nu am tnererore qitaliuml to act fntolll
entlvas airont of thoso llvlmr at a dls-
taneo, owning lands In the County.
Oflloe In Commissioners llooin, Court
House, Tlonesta, Pa.
Ml-ly. D. W. CLARK.
KnW. PTTTIRTDOR, Fri-rt.
V a. VRinrrr Rrs
1. DITHKlUUfC, Tma-
OKU. W. dithhidOk,
THE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO.,
MANUFACTURERS OF
Mne Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c.
Willi on Tioncsta Crrck, Forest Co., Pa.
Yards k Office cor. Hi k Rail Road Ms,,
PITTSBURGH, PA.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tlonesta, Pa. All work is war
ranted, tf.
IDW1RD DITHSIDQI.
S. D. D1TI1S1DOI
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Established A. I). 1827.
enrttmeGE & sate,
MANUFACTURERS OF
. Dithridge's xx Flint Glass
PATENT OVAL
LAMP CHIMNEYS.
AND
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
These chimneys do not break by heat.
Ask for Ditrridoes. Take no other.
WT1IR1DQE A SON,
25-ly. Pittsburgh, Pa.
Xcw Hoarding House.
MRS. S. S. H U LINGS has built a large
addition to her house, and is now pro
pared to accommodate a number of perma
nent Doaruors, and all transient ones wno
mav favor her wltli their patronage. A
good stable Iihs rocontly been built to ao
commodate the horsos of guests. Charges
reasonable Residence ou 1.1m est., oppo
site S. Haslet's store. 23-ly
JONES HOUSE,
CLARION, PENN'A.!
S. S. JONES - - - Proprietor.
FEW
GROCERY AND PROVISION STORE
IN TIONESTA.
GEO. W.B0VARD&C0.
II
AVE just brought on a complete and
careiuny soiecloa tuocK or
FLOUR,
GROCERIES.
PROVISIONS,
and everything necessary to the complete
stock ofallret-cliisslirocory House, which
they have onenod out at their establish
ment on Elm Mt., first door north of M. E.
Church.
TEAS,
COFFEES. RUOARS,
SYRUPS, FRUITS,
SPICES,
HAMS, LARD,
AND riiO VISIONS OF ALL KINDS,
at the lowest cash prices. Goods warrant
ed to be of the best quality. Call and ex
amine, and we believe we can suit yon.
GEO. W. 110VARD & CO.
Jan. 9, '72.
A M I It A C Ii E r
Mr. Samuel Boll, of W. E. Schmertz
Co., Wholesale iioot and Shoe Manufactur
ers, 31 Fifth avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa., has
been afflicted with chronic rheumatish for
thiity years, from his right hip to his foot,
having to use a crutch and a cane, at times
so painful as to utterly incapacitate him
from attending to his 'business. Having
tried every rmedy known, without effect,
except Gilliland's Pain Killer, he was
finally induced to try it. A second applica
tion enabled him to lay aside his crutch,
and a third effected a permanent cure. Mr.
Bell is a popular and well-known citizen.
is a living monument of the effacacy of
tuat great medical discovery, uiliuana a
Pain Killer. The altiicted should ask their
groeer or druggist for it, and try its won
derful power. Mr. Uillitiind, we under
stand, wants a respectable agent in every
town and county for it. The principal of
fice is at 72 Third Avenue, Pittsburgh Pa.
Si-tt
AGENTS WANTED Bound canvass
ing book
SENT FREE!
of postago on receipt of 75 cents, and cx
culsive territory granted on the
riCTORIL HOME BIBLE.
Contains overitiKHllustratlona Isa com
plete Library of Biblical Knowlodge. Ex
cells all others. In English and Gorman,
Win. Flint A Co., Phila., Pa. 27-4t
THE
BOOT AND SHOE
STORES.
IFYOUWANTaporfectflt and a good
article of Boots aud Shoes, of the liuest
woritmansuip, go u)
II. I. aycL'AXCTTN.
39 CENTRE STREET, OIL C ITY, PA.
,--Sutisfactiou euarsnteed. 2-33 tf.
JIM WILD.
BY F. BRBT HARTE.
Say. there I P'raps
Some of you chaps
Might know Jim WlldT
Well, no offence
Thar ain't no sense
In gottin' riled I
Jim was my chum
Up on the bar :
That's why I coma
Down from up yar,
Look in for Jim.
Thank ye, sir I you
Ain't of that crow
Blest if you arel
Money T not much ;
That ain't my kind ;
I ain't no such.
Rum? I don't mind,
Soeln' its you.
Well, this yer Jim,
Did you know him?
J ess 'bout your size j
Same kind of eyes T
Well that is strange
Why it's two year
fcince he come here,
Sick, for a change.
Well, here's to us,
EhT
The deuce you say.
DcadT
That little cuss T
What makos you star'
You, over thar T
Can't a man drop
'S-glass In your shop
But yeu must rar' T
It wouldn't take
Very much to break
You and your bar.
Dead X
Toor little Jim !
Why thar was me,
Jones and Bob Lee,
Harry and Ben,
No-account men ;
Thou to take him t
Well, thar Oood by,
No moro sir, I
EhT
What's that you say?
Why, dern It 1 Bho !
No! Yesl By Jo!
Hold!
Sold ! Why, you limb,
You ornery,
Domed old
Long-legged Jim !
From our Special Correspondent.
A. TXTT TO
THE MAMMOTH CAVE of KY.
Dear editor: With your per
mission I propose to give a descrip
tion of our trip to the Mammoth
Cave, Kentucky :
Leaving Louisville on Monday
morning, June 10th, we reached the
Cave Hotel in due time, but being fa
tigued we did not enter upon our ex
plorations until after dinner. The
party consisted of several ladies and
gentlemen from your State, and sev
eral others who went there for the
same purpose, i. e. to see the cave.
One must see a party attired for
the cave to appreciate their appear
ance. The "cave suits" for th6 ladies
are somewhat picturesque, while those
for the gentlemen are simply well
suffice it to say your correspondent
wore his only one day, as he did not
think it very attractive, either in fit or
material.
Promptly at 4 p. in. we took up our
line of march, led by the accommo
dating guide, James , a very in
telligent colored niaft Winding our
way down a deep ravine we reached
the mouth of the cave, which is about
five hundred yards from the hotel.
It has a wild, weird look, as, standing
just above the entrance, you gaze
down into its depths of darkness.
Our lamps were soon lighted and we
started on our journey, to make what
is called the "short route."
Before proceeding further, it may
be well to give a few facts about the
cave. It is situated in Edmonson
county, Kentucky, about nine miles
from Cave City, on the Louisville and
Nashville Railroad, from which place
it is reached by stage. It was dis
covered in 1809, by a man named
Houchins, who ran a bear into it.
During the war of 1812 saltpeter was
manufactured in this cave ; the old
vats still remainiug in a good state of
preservation. 1 hough sixty years
have passed away the ruts, worn by
the cart wheels used ia transporting
the saltpeter, are still plainly visible
in the now almost petrified earth.
For many years after this the cave
was considered of littlo value, and at
one time the property on which its
eutrance is situated, containing 200
acres, was sold for only fifty dollars.
It is now owned by a company, and
is leased by Mr. D. L. Graves, who is
the proprietor of the hotel, and who
knows how to make his guests com
fortable and happy.
It would bo vain to attempt a de
scription of the many interesting
scenes " in the cave. Piothing but
sight can give any adequate idea of
their grandeur. I will therefore con
tent myself with a brief running ac
count of our trip through this subter
ranean world, leaving the imagination
of the reader to draw the pictures as
proceed.
Fassing along the "narrows," and
leaving the saltpeter vats to our right,
the first place of interest we reached
was the Methodist Church. This is a
large apartment, eighty feet in height
It is said meetings were held ther9
fifty years ago, and the logs used as
seats are still there. A projecting
rock some fifteen feet high served as a
pulpit platform.
Fassing on by "Wandering Wil
lie's Spring," we entered the Gothio
avenue, saw the "Giant's Coffin," and
reached the "Gothic Chapel." This
is a very large room, the ceiling ap
pearing to be supported by gigantic
stalactites, which extend to the floor.
The stony icicles are large enough to
form ribbed pillars, and fair gothic
arches. Three of these stalactite pil
lars form the alter. Our guido told
us that three couples had been united
in marriaee before' this altar. The
first couple were driven to this sub'
terranean chapel because the fair
bride had solemnly promised her
mother that she would not marry any
one on the face of this earth ! So she
had to go under the earth. The guide
said he knew of no reason for the
other marriages there unless the par
tics wished to "run matrimony in to
the ground." Next we reached the
"Devil's Arm Chair." This is a very
larga pillar, with a very comfortable
seat in it. Nearly all our party
tried the chair and as Miss McF
sat in it some one remarked, "Now it
is forever purified," and asgvour hum
ble servant in turn took the seat, the
remark was made, "Now tl old fel
low himself is in it." I vacated im
mediately, l'assinjr on our way we
came to a small body of clear water,
named "Lake Furity," from which we
drank, and hastened by objocts of
minor interest to the famous "Star
Chamber." This is sixty feet in
height, seventy in width and five hun
dred in length. The ceiling is com
posed of Black Gypsom, and is stud
ded with innumerable white points
which, by the dim light, presents a
resemblance ot stars. Here all our
lamps were hidden or extinguished
and the guide threw a faint light
upon the ceiling, and most . of the
party immediately went into ecstacies
over the starry heaven which they
fancied they saw.
By faji the grandest sight on the
"short lite" is "Goriu's Dome."
This is more than two hundred feet
high, and its walls present a gorgeous.
and impressive appearance when
lighted by a Bengal light. This
alone worth a visit to the cave
Turning away we now retraced ou
steps and soon were again in the outer
world.
Next week I will give you a de
scription of the "Long Route." D.
FURTHER DESCRIPTION OF THE MAM
MOTH CAVE, KENTUCKY THE
I.ONQ ROUTE.
Dear Editor : As I promised
you in my letter of last week I will
now try and give you a description
of our second day's journey to the
Mammoth Caveby the "Long Route.
After a pleasant night's rest, the
next morning, at 8 promptly, we set
out on the long route to reach the en
trance of which we went over a mil
or more of ground (or rather rock)
traversed the day before, and left the
main cave at the foot of the "Giunt'i
Coffin." The entrance is very diffi
cult and requires one to appear very
much in the same ridiculous attitude
the ladies assume in the Grecian bend!
Roving on through the deserted
chamber and other places of no in
terest we came to a long, serpentine
and narrow passage, called "Fat
Man's MifcCJy ;" and it is well named
for it is almost impossible for one
weighing, say 250 or 275 pounds, to
get safely through it. It is about fifty
yards long. The lower part of the
avenue in width is irom nueea to
thirty inches, and the upper part,
that is from a man's chest to his head,
from four to eight feet. In height it
varies from four to eight feet, the
greater part of the way averaging but
four feet. The heaviest man known
to have passed this tortuous avenue
weighed 263 pounds. The "Fat
Man's Misery" leads to a large hall,
called "Great Relief."
Through "River Hall" we reached
"Bacon Chamber," where most visi
tors think they see a fine collection of
mestone hams and shoulders sus
pended from the ceiling. My impres
sion, however, was that unless told so
by the guide.imaginalion would never
see the bacon. Leaving "Bacon
Chamber" we went on to the "Dead
Sea." This is the most awful wild
and solemn view in the cave. Along
a narrow, slippery terrace, we passed
a deep gulf, which, when illuminated
by the Bengal light, we saw to be a
body of water some fifty feel long,
twenty-five wide and fifteen deep.
From the terrace to the water is an
almost perpendicular wall about forty
feet high. There is a terrible gran
deur in this place, and as I write 1
involuntarily shudder at its gloom.
Connecting with the "Dead Sea" is
the river "Styx." As you pass along
you hear the dull sound of invisable
waterlalls. J. he deep, dark river is
over-arched with rock so that we
crossed it on a natural bridge. The
"Styx" is one hundred and fifty yards
long, from fifteen to forty wide, and
varies in depth from thirty to forty
feet. The natural bridge crosses the
river about thirty-five feet above it.
Soon we reached the calm and
peaceful lake "Lethe." This is one
hundred and fifty yards long, thirty
feet wide, and has an '. average depth
of twenty feet. As we stood by its
side and peered out over its waters,
we could almost fancy we stood by
the heathen stream of oblivion ee
dense was the darkness so awful
still the scene.
Here we had to embark in boats.
As they moved away, the reflection of
the swinging lamps in the water was
beautifully sublime. But a few hun
dred yards further ou we reached
"Echo River," which is three-fourths
of a mile in length. Connected with
this riHpr are some of the most de
rwr
Lftfl i
lichthn impressions we received in
tho cave. There are sights more gor
geous, more awful, more sublime, but
nowhere are the senses of sight and
sound so beautifully and so charm
ingly brought into unison, as at "Lake
Lethe." So here we crossed in beats
which made three trips before wo
reached the "other shore."
Before crossing "Echo River" our
guide fired a pistol and the reverbcra
tioos were louder than the heaviest
artillery or thunder I ever heard.
In these waters are found the ecle
bratea eyeless tisu. ine nsn are
rarely over eight inches long and re'
semble the common catfish very much.
They have not the slightest trace of
the organ of vision and are almost
transparently white.
I have not space to dwell on many
places of interest, but will briefly re'
fer to the remainder of our journey,
By a tedious and monotonous route
we reached "Washington Hall," where
we partook of the frugal repast set
before us by our guide. Some of the
party complained of a scarcity of pro
visions, but as every body knows my
well merited reputation, as a small
eater, this was of no great inconveni
ance to me.
The mo6t artistic portion of the
cave is to be seen after leaving the
dining hall. Fassing through "Snow
ball Room" and avenue we came into
"Cleveland's Cabinet," which, in its
extraordinary beauty, is the crowning
glory of the cave. This avenue is
about two miles in length and is a
perfect arch of fifty feet in the centre,
It is completely incrusted from end to
end with crystal izations of gypsum
white as snow. These crystallisations
ass u in. o various figures, mimicking
flowers of all climes. Sometimes the
the bard rock is changed into a par
terre ot white roses ; sometimes it is
starred with opening daisies ; the sun
flower spread their flat disks and
rayed leaves j the feathery chalices
of the cactus hang, from the clefts ;
the night blooming cereus opens se
curely her snowy cap, for the morning
never comes to close it; "the tulip is
here a virgin, and knows not that her
sisters above are clothed in scarlet of
shame." Among so much magnifi
cence it was difficult to select special
objects for the memory to retain.
But the "Last Rose of Summer" de
serves mention. Ihis is a large white
rose, eight inches in diameter, which
hangs from the ceiling, and, strange
to say, is the last flower in the avenue,
aud there are no others in the imme
diats vicinity. This fact gives it soli
tary beauty which it would not other
wise possess.
The cross attracted considerable at
tention. This consists of two crevices
in the ceiling, intersecting each other
at right angles, forming a maltese
cross. These crevices are lined with
flowers of plaster of paris. The cross
is about eight feet long.
Leaving these enchanted scenes
where wo see God's appreciation of the
beautiful we soon crossed the "Rocky
Mountains" and reached "Crogans
Hall," the end of the cave, having
traveled a distance of nine miles.
Wearily we set out on our return.
Several of our party had been too
tired to proceed beyond "Cleveland's
Avenue," and had ahcady started
back.
Finally the cave's mouth was
reached and toiling up the hill we
soon surrounded the well filled tables
of the dining-roora, and I opine that
that there was not much margin for
the landlord that night.
In conclusion I would say we had a
most delightful trip, although we were
all very tired. D.
The Detroit Free Frcss mourns the
loss of a smart boy in this manner
The public will regret to learn that
the family of James Otis, Forter
street, is to remove to Saginaw, tak
in L' voting Johnny along. Jhe boy
started out two years ago by shooting
himself. 1 wo mouths alter lie chok
cd himself with a fish bono. A few
davs after he built a fire in the barn
and called out the steamers. He then
swallowed a top. cot run over by an
ice wagon, fell into tho river, was loBt
for three davs. and first aud lust he
has been a fountain of local news,
whose value cannot be estimated on a
slate futir feet square. If the Saginaw
reporter only commences on him right
he will"pau out" at least three times
ner week, lie should be furnished
w ith a box of matches, a horse pistol
aud plenty of gunpowder, and it won't
do any harm to pat hira on the back
occasionally ami tell him that his ef
forts are appreciated.
One of tho most remarkable men in
Mexico is General Manuel Lozada, an
independent chieftain, who .prides
himself on having in his veius the
blood of the Montezumas. For many
years he has been independent of the
government, nas uis own army, col
lects his own revenues, makes his own
tuns, and declaies war and makes
peace to suit himself. The population
of his canton is 30,000, all Indians,
and under his complete control. He
maintains tho most stable and orderly
government in Mexico. He u a lar
mer by desires and tastes, aud ono of
the hardest-working men in the can
ton. His people are comfortable anl
happv, yet he cannot write his name.
That sort of thing is done for him by
a priest who is always by his side,
An Irish correspondent of an Eng
lish paper, after staliug the fact that
every stemuer is loaded with emi
grants for America, many being left
be hind tor want ot accommodtv
tions on board, says: "I sincere'
ly hope my poor countrymen are "im
proviuf ilitir fiunmuii iu j.n
to the 'i ar W est : but if enugral
on this scale continues a little longer?
I think Ireland will become a large
pasture farm. Already several large
farmers in my locality have sold oil'
their milch cows and turned to feeding
dry stock, in consequence of the scarci
ty of female servants."
Iu Clevelaud, Olio, the other day,
a young woman called at a tailor's es
tablishment to procure work. One cf
the workmen, an entire stranger to
her, being attracted by her appearance,
struck up a talk, and in less than an
hour they were made man and wife. Of
course such a protracted courtship
afforded every opportunity for the
young lady to become thoroughly ac
quainted with tho disposition aud
character of her spouse, and a happy
married lifo must be tho result.
A young man in Hartford read
somewhere that more deaths occurred
at five o'clock iu the morniug than at
any other hour, and now gets up
regularly at four, iu order to be out
when Death makes his morning calls.
The following extract from the Lou
isville Courier is a gem in its way)
"The New York Sun, which ia seldom
satisfied with things, objects to the
proportions of rattle-snake recently
seen in Carter County, in this State,
and described as reaching from one
side of the road to the other, while its
body was as big as an ordinary churn.
1 he Sun says 'that was a very badly
proportioned snake,' and that 'it
should have been a good deal longer
or else a good deal thinner.' We
should like to know who is running
the snakes of this State, herself or the
editor of the New York Sun. When
things come to such a pass that New
York arrogates to herself to dictate to
Kentucky the sizo and shape of her
serpents, it is high time for the trum
pet to sound to arms and for the sword
to leap from its scabbard."
A few days ago a couple of Boston
runners entered a restaurant in Port
land and ordered dinner. One was
pleased to order a plate of baked
beans. When he came to settle ho
asked the price, and was informed
that forty cents would be satisfactory.
The runner was astonished, and ex
claimed "Isn't that a h 1 of a price
for beans?" The man of grub got
mad, and said that was the price and
that must be paid. The runner re-ut
tered the same pious exclamation of
astonishment several times and paid
the scot. On going out of the door
he turned and yelled it again, but the
bean man was silent, lue next day
the restaurant keeper received a dis
patch and paid the telegraph boy tor-
ty cents. Judge, if you can, of his
utter disgust when upon opening it ho
read. "Isn't that a h 1 of a price for
beans?" Bangor Commercial.
We have a little story for boys with
a nice moral to it. Little Johnny
Moore, away out in Monroe, Mich.,
went to a picnic last week, and like a
foolish little boy that he was, tried to
smoke a cigar. It made him sick, of
course, and he threw himself on tho
wet grass and lay there a long time.
The result was he had congestive chills
and died. It is a sad story, aud the
moral is that you can go to picnics
if your parents are willing, but you
had better not try to smoke cigars,
and by all means don't lie on the wet
grass.
There seems to be an unusual anxie
ty nowadays to save the lives of mur
derers. The minions of the law will
neither compass their death nor allow
them the privilege of doing it them
selves. A wretch in Peoria, Illinois,
who had slain one wife and obtained
another in Kentucky, tried to poison
himself a few days ago, but was pre
vented. His wife had kindly furnish
ed him with a dose of corrosive subli
mate, but was disappointed by the
meddling officers.
A simple, practical test is given in
the American Artisan to test the purity
of coll'eo by which many adulteratious
of that article can easily bo detected,
even if the taste is not a sure index.
If a teaspnonful of genuine ground
cofTee be thrown into a tumblerful of .
cold water, it will float upon the sur
face. Most substances used in adul
tering coffee will sink at once.
A printer, having been "flung'' liy
his sweet heart, tried to commit suicide.
The "devil" found him out and took
him to the sanctum where the editor
was writing duns to delinquent sub
scribers. The picture of despair pre
sented by the editor reconciled the
printer to his fate. He began to con
sider himself as comparatively happy.
A New Fairfield man who failed' to
get a thirty cent pine apple for a quar
ter of a dollar, wanted to know
"whether we are breathing the pure
nir of freedom, or being strangled with
the fetid breath of a hellish despot
ism ?'! The storekeeper said those
were the only pine apples he had.
An aged couple in a village reprov
ed a young man for familiarities with
their daughter, when he thus to them
did make reply: "Well, you needu't
be so bouncy about it, we've been mar
ried a year."
An ingenious youth, in Quiucy, 111.,
has been doing a thriving trade iu sail
ing rats' tails, plautcd in flower pots,
to uusophicated florists, as specimens
of new species of cactus.
A Kansas paper in reporting a trial,
concludes with "tho jury returned a "
verdict of not guilty, but if the pris
oner is sharp, he will leave town with
out loss of time."
A city missionary was asked the
cause of his poverty. "Principally,"
said he, with a twiuklo of the eye,
"because I have preached so much
without notes."
There aro two reasons why some
people don't mind their own business.
One is that they have no business,
and the other is that they have no
mind.
An old farmer said of his clergy
man, whose sermons lacked point:
"Ah, yes, he's a good man ; but ho
will rake with the teeth upward."
yi A dumb man recently went to law
f .. ti. . l ...... ..
nun u iii'oi man. x nu i.rncr, ui iymi
w;u tho dcat'-cudunt.
II