The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, December 19, 1871, Image 1

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    f2Pbe gttjmWIww.
Dfflce In Kaox'i Building Klny Strweb
TERMS, $2.00 A YE.VTfc
Jo Bubserlptlnnl rorelred for a shorter
period tliHii tlireo monlha.
Correapondoiiee solicited from all part
of the country. No notice will bo takon of
mnonyuious' communications.
Marriion ami Death notice Insortod
frat in.
m.- - I"".'"! . - - - '-
i. o. a-, t.
it 8
. T.
Let us havo Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN.
VOL. IV. NO. 37.
rnir. iiTnwmm. rnnt.
R feet every Wednesday evonliift,
IM.11 clock.
w. n. DUNN. w. C.
M. W. TATE, V. 8.
X iwto!i prrm. miluh w. tatk.
Isaac Ash,
Wl'l pra-tioo In tho various Court of
Forest County. All business entrusted to
iU euro will receive prompt attontl n.
in ly
W. W. Mason.
A TTORNEY AT I. AW. Mice on Elm
l. Htroet, abovo Walnut, Tlonesta, I'a,
C. W. Giinllan,
A TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
J nango Co., I'a.
N. D. Smiley, -
TIOUNKY T LAW. Pctrolomn Hen
A tre, I'a. Will pruolire In tlio several
Court of ! ureal County. .uj-iy
W. P. Mercilliott,
Attorney at Law
, ' r-tr
THE UNDERSIGNED bavins assocl
aled themselves Wether ' tlin l"-"0
tice ol law, oiler their professional sorv.coa
n Hie public.
Musini'ss promptly n'tondod to in all 'ho
courts of Warren, Forost and adjoining
jmima nr.Tiir. n. D. TA88ETT.
Warren. Fa. Tidiouto, I'a,
T. . WRIOHT, S..f.
HimIimv Minwr.
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c.
Mills on Tlonesta frcck, Forest Co., Fa.
Yards fc Office tor. 22d & Rail Road SU.,
Tlonesta House.
14 T ITTEL. Proprietor. Elm St., Tlo.
lL -n-ibi. Pn.. at the mouth of thecreck
Mr. Iitlo has thoroughly renovated tho
TMnn-iM louse, and re-fiirniahed it mil
pletelv. All wh -patronize mm win no
, well entertiilued at reasonable rates. 20 ly
"yl FOrES7 hCL&lii
I'eVlift llnn ii. Tionesla. Pa. Just
opcnoii. r.rorvtiunn new ami cieiu. aim
fresh, Tho best of lienor kept eotistantly
on hand. A portion of the public patron
'a ' respectfully solieitod. 4-17-lv
j jvi
Holmes House,
HMOffEfiTA, PA., opposite tho Depot.
1 (VI). Mabie, Proprietor. Good Sta
bling connected with tho house. tf.
Blue Eyes Behind the Veil.
Mr. Edgo was late at breakfast. That
was not hii unusual occurrence, and
lie was disposed to be cross; which
was likewise nothing new. So lie re
tired behind the newspaper, and de
voured his eggs and toast without
vouchsafing any reply to the remarks
of the fresh-looking little ludy oppo
site, to wit: Mrs. Edge. But she was
gathering together her forces for the
final onslaught, and when at length
Mr. Edge had got down to the last
paragraph, and laid aside the paper, it
'Dear, didn't you soy you were going
to have a hundred dollars for my new
furs, to-day ?'
What furs?' (rather shortly was
this spoken,) 'Pshuw 1 What is the use
of being so extravagant? I have no
money to lay out in useless follies.
The old ones are good enough for any
sensible woman to wear.'
Mrs. Edge, good, meek little soul
that she was, relapsed into obedient
silence. She only sighed a soft inward
sigh and preseuily begau a new at
tack. 'Henry, will you go with me to my
a lilt's to-night?'
'Can't you go alone?'
'Alone, how it would look 1' Mrs.
E's temper for she, hud one, though it
did not often parade itself was arous
ed. 'You are so neglectful to those lit
tle attentions you used to pay me once ;
you never walk with me, nor pick tip
my hankerchief, nor notice my dress
as you once did.'
'Well, a fellow can't be forever wait
ing en women, tan he?' growled Mr.
'You could b3 polite enough to Mrs.
Waters, lust night, when you never
tnought to ask Whether Planted any
thing, though, you knew perfectly well
that 1 hud a headache I don't believe
. . , i iiiu kmc us iiiuvii i " iuc a, , uu umtii
--. to' And Mrs. Edira looked pxLreme
D'irL'rSr iy pretty with the tears iu her blue
mMH'l Ot lOlir niOIIUlH, Uphill 111 HIM (. jip.vniiMti kumvi m hw ivuiiu,
Established A. I). 127.
eiTKMQQe& saw,
Dithridge's xx Flint Glass
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
Thoso chimney do not break by heat.
Ask for DiTHiuDOKs. Take no other.
23-ty. Pittsbur(h, Pa.
New Hoarding House.
Mil. S. 8. HULIN'ISN has built a larjro
addition to her house, and Is now pre
pared to nivomniodato a number of perma
nent boiirders, and all transient ones who
lnav favor her with their patronau;". A
ITimhI stable has recently be n built to ac- 1
commodate the horses of irttcstH. I'lmrues
reasonuhle. Residence on Elm St., opK-
site S. lla-let s store. l-iy
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesla, Pa. All work is
. Syracuse House,
TlinOUT'-, Pa., J. A- 1 M aokk, Propie
tor. The hoiiMj has been thoroughly
refitted and is now in the lirst-elasa order,
'ith. tlii best of aeeoinni'Mlations. Any
nlniiMiiiioii eoiii'erninu Od Territory at
this point will bo cheerfully furnishil.
Exchange Hotel.
i T OWER Timni TE. Pa.. P. S. Rams-
ti-J V.KI. A Son Prop's. This house having
'i i-been relited is now tho most desirable stop
f pin plaeo in Tidiouto. A good liillinrd
V ltoo.u attached. 4-ly
talsof.S'ew York, where will atU.nd
calls in his profession.
oiHce in Eureka lrue; Store, 3d door
ibovo the bank, Tldloute, Pa. 4'Jtf
at tu Store of
- National Hotel,
TRYINETON, PA. W. A. Hallenback,
. Proprietor. This hotel la Sew, and is
,ow opoii as a first class house, situate at
re lunction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
liver and Philadelphia Erie Railroads,
pposite tho l)eMt. Parties having to lay
ver trnlna will llnd this the most convon
cnt hotel in town, with rtrst-elass aiwmi
iiodHtions and reasonable harites. tf.
Dr. J. L. Acortb,
I hail tifti-en years' experience in a laro
and successful- practice will attend all
: , Professional falls. Otlico in his Pru and
L. iro(ry Store, located in Tidioute, near
1 Tidiouto House.
A full assortment of Medicines, Lirpiors
Toliaeco, Ciuars, Stationery, I j lass. Paints,
Oil. Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of tho
best quaLity, and will be sold at reasonable
II. R. RUROKSS, an experienced Priiit
y 1st from -New York, has eharjro of the
Store, AU proscriptions put up accurately.
. KNOX, to CO,
Elm St., ionesta Pa.
W are In daily receipt o. th argMtand
which we aredaterraintd to sell rjardless
of prices.
Corner of Church and Elm Streets,
This Arm is prepared to do nil work in
itsiiine, and will warrant everything done
at their sh PS to uive salisfuction. Par
ticular attention i cii to
you will
flivo them a trial, and
not rc-
l .Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
Tills P.aiik transaclo a Heneral Ranking,
ol ect int uud Kxchauo inisiness.
Dratta on .thu; Principal Cities of the
United Slates niel Europe bought anil solil.
(lohl and Silver Coin and Government
Securities boutibt and sold. 7-".H ISonds
eonvciu d ou iUo moi.t favorable terms.
Interest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4. tf.
Forest lti'ptibljcrn
Ilouso Fiirnibhlnu (ioods. Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ae., Ao Ac, which we olfer at greatly re
duccd prices.
of all kinds,
ES, Ac, At-., Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and seo,
SUHSCRIliE f. rtlie
. Ttwlllpitv.
WAXTKn-Men and Wonieii seek
,.uul our il-
liistrated, liis'orical, biographical, reli
gious and aL'rlciilu.ral works, elld atainp
for full particulars how von can make I'll 0
to MHi per month. E. It. TREAT. Pub
IMmt, WW Hnnwdiray, V. Y. SM-V-
'Pshaw,' said the husband peevishly.
-Sow don t be silly, Maria.
And lu the stage, yesterday, you
never asked me if 1 was warm enough,
or put my shawl around me wh le Mr.
ISrown was so altectionate to his wile.
It was mortifying enough, llcury ; iu.
deed it was.'
I didn't know women were such
fools,' said Mr. Edge as he drew m his
overcoat, to escape the tempest which
was lust approaching. 'Am I the sort
of a man to make a ninny of myself
doing the polite to any sort of a female
creature 7 Did you ever kuuw me to
be conscious whether a woman hud on
a shawl or a swallow-tailed com''
Maria eclipsed the blue eves behind
a little pocket-handkerchief, and Hen
ry the savage, banged the door loud
enough to give Betty in the kitchen a
nervous start.
'Raining agaiu ! I do believe we are
going to have a second edition of the
deluge, said Mr. h,dgo to himself, that
evening, as he ensconced six left of
iniquity into the southweet corner of
the car at city hall. '(Jo ahead, con
ductor, cau't you see we are lull, and
it is dark already r
'lu one minute, sir. said the con
ductor, as he helped a little woman,
Willi a basket, on board. '.Now, sir,
move up a little, if you please.'
Mr. Edge was exceedingly comfor
table and did not want to move, but
the light of the lamp falling ou the
fiearly forehead and shining, golden
niir of the comer he altered his mind
and moved up.
' W hat loveiy eyes,' quoth he men
tally, as he bestowed a single acknowl
edging smile.' 'Ileal violet, the very
color I most admire ! Bless me ! what
business have old men like me to be
thinking about eyes. There she has
drawn a confounded veil over her fa-.-e,
and the light is as dim as a tallow dip;
but those were pretty eyes!'
The fair possessor of those blue eyes
shivered slightly and drew her man
tilla close around her shoulders.
'Are you cold, Mis? Pray honor
me by wearing my shawl. 1 do not
need it myself.'
Mie diu uot refuse she murmured
some faint apology for troubling h.m,
but it was uot a rctusal.
'Mo trouble not a oil,' said he, with
alacrity, arrunginj it on her tapering
b'hnulders, and then as the young lady
huuded her lure to the conductor, he
said to himself, "what a slender little
huiid! if there is anything admire iu
a woman it is a prctiy hand. Wonder
what kind of a mouth the has got? it
must be a delightful one if it corres
ponds with the' hair and eyes plague
take the vt il.'
But 'plague,' whoever that mystical
power muy be, did not take potsensiou
of the veil, so Mr. Edge's curio.ity
about the blue eyed dauiecl rejiaiueil
'Have you room euoiii'h, Miss? I
fear you are crowded. Pray it a lit
tle closer to me.'
'Thank you, sir,' was the soft reply
coming from behind the veil, as Mr.
Edge reflected like an angel from a
dark cloud. And his heart gave a large
thump as the pretty shoulder touched
his owu shaggy overcoat iu a hesitat
ing sort of a way.
'WidwJIy, this i gfcttiag uih rn
raantic,' thought he, and then with an
audible whisper, 'what would Maria
say ?'
The rest of that long, dreary ride
was delicious with the shoulder Against
his own. Hour gallantly ho jumped
up to pull the strap for her hy some
streak it happened to be at the very
street where ho intended to stop. Un
der the circu instances we hardly blame
him, when the cars stopped so sud
denly that she caught at Ins arm for
the squeeze he gave plump, rosy hand
any man of sense would have done
I the fame it was such an inviting lit
tle lily.
I A II . . - J....- ........ 1... . lr .
AntllT IIIU to IUIIJF juui ima&ub,
Miss, as our path lies iu the same
direction,' said Mr. Edge courteously,
relieving her of her burden, as he
sp-,ke; 'and and may be you'd find
less difficulty il you take mv arm.
Well, wasn t it delightful r fllr. lvlgo
forgot the wet street and pitchy daik
ness he thought he was walking on
roses. Only as he approached his
door he began to feel a little nervous,
and wished the little incognito would
not hold on so tight, suppose Maria
should be at the window on the look
out, as she often was, how would she
interpret matters? lie couldn t make
her believe that he only wanted to be
polite to tne fair traveler. Hesides,
Ids sweeping declaration in the morn
ing she would be sure to recall them.
As he stopped at the right number.
and bude her adieu, he wns astonished
to see her also run up the steps to en
ter. Gracious Apoilol he burst into n
cold perspiration at tho idea of the
young lady's error.
I think you must hove made a mis
take, Miss, he stammered; 'this can't
be your house.
But it was too late she was already
the brilliantly lighted hall, and
turning around threw oif her dripping
habiliments, und made a low curtsey,
'Ahy, its my wife! gasped air,
.'And happy to see that you hive
not furcrotten all your gallantry to
wards us ladies,' pursued the merciless
little puss, her blue eyes (they were
pretty) all in a dance with suppressed
Edije looked from ceiling to floor in
search of a loop-hole to retreat, but
the search was unavailing.
Well,' he said in the most sheepish
tones, .'it s the fir.'t. time I wns ever
polite to a ludy in the cars, aud hang
me if it shtui t be the last.
'You see, my dear,' said the ecstatic
little lady, 'I didn t expect to be de
layed so long, and hud uot any idea I
sheuld meet with such attention in the
cars, aud that from my husband, too!
(.fondness gracious, how Auut Priscilla
will enioy the pike.
'If you tell that old harpy I will
never hear the lust ot it, suid tune in
'Very probable,' was the provoking
reply ot his wife,
'Now, look here, darling,' said Mr,
Edge, eoaxingly, 'you wou't ry any
thing, will you? A fellow don t want
to be laughed at by all the world.
say, Marin, you tdiall have the pretti
est furs in New York if you will only
keep quiet you shall, Ujion my honor.'
1 lie terms were satisfactory, and
Maria capitulated who wouldn't?
And that is the way she got those
splendid furs that filled the hearts of
all her female friends with envy. And
perhaps what made Mr. Edge such a
courteous husband ever since.
Fallacies as to Diet.
A gentleman writing of a "long" ac
quaint a nces, says there is among his
acquaintances one at least who t-njoys
a "high" reputation, for he etandsover
seven feet iu his stockings, and though
a talented member of th bar, he is
good natureo, modest citicen. lie was
sitting in the stall of a theatre when
the curtain r, we and the actors advanc
ed to their postiona. A cry of "Jowu
in front" became general throughout
the audience. Their attention was
directed to the tall H , who feeling
himstlf the object of r?mark thought
he was reqoi.ed to pellle a little,
looking as if he would like to settle
through the floor, he presided to
to raise himself to a standing psitio(i,
in such manner, however, as to con
vey an impression that there no end
to him At last he did get himself
straightened out at full length, aImU
glancing at the astonished audi-nce, he
very delilwrately remarked: "Gentle
men. to satisfy you that I was sitting
down, I uow stand up. " A burst, id'
laughter and applause succeeded, the
audience ami actors became convulsed,
the curtain descended rspiilly, the
msiirjer, with beaming countenance,
came loraard and, amid the wildest
applause, conducted the gentleman to
a private box.
It is height of meanness to impale
man on bis own dagger, but some
people are unscrupulous. The editor
of the Hudson (N. Y.) Ptar received
an acrostic recently, mhich he inno
cently published, not knowing that it
impudently said : "A.N. Webb is au
ass." He dK'u't care, so much fo.'
acrostics as be did, but ho is eagerly
searching lor "Ellen," the acrostic-maker.
Ex-Senator Gwin is gmine to mals
money out of his new gold
fHov.n Pft
) ' '
A fallacy, in regard to diet, is to
suppose that the natural appetite is
not the best guide ns to the quantity
and quality of our food.
It is true that the appetite docs
sometimes become perverted. It is true
i lhat it does become sometimes a symp
tom of disease But theso cases are
Hideous doctrines hare been taught
on this subject. We have been solemn
lv told to rise from the table a bun-
izrv as when we eat down. We have
been told to be always ready for
a meal in other words, to live in
state of perpetual hunger. We have
been told to eat thoso things which wc
most hate and to avoid those things
that we most love that to have
longing for any article is the very rea
son why we should be denied it.
These doctrines are monstrous. They
are unworthy of the nineteenth centu
i ' t . s r ,
rv. 1 liev are a libel on tne reutor
who gave us taste and appetite, in or
der that we might know what to
and drink, and gave ns also judgment
to direct nnnetite and taste when the
system hecemes diseased.
' -vt . .. . ...... ii !
INot WIIIISiaiKnilL' llll lis iiauiiuy io
. .... .1
nerversion. the nnnetite is, on tne
whole, a better euide in selecting food
and in measuring its quantity, than nil
the books on hveiene that have ever
been written.
The practice of weighing the food
which was introduced to the world by
the example and teachings of Cornaro
the Italian, cannot be loo strongly re
probated. It is impossible for the
seales to trll us how much to eat. The
quantity of food that we need depends
on the amount of labor that we do, on
the nature of the constitution, on our
mental moods aud on the quality and
variety of the food which is served.
To weigh or measure the lool habit
ually is not only silly, unnecessary
and useless; it is actually a crime. It
wastes valuably In.urs that should be
better employed. It makes us miser
able, nnd that fact alone is argument
enough against it. It brings on iudi
testion and all other woes, and there
fore prevents us from (retting the best
advantage of what wo eat.
Another common fallacy in regard
to diet, is tho theory that one or two
kinds of food, at each meal, are more
easily digested, aud more wholesome
than a large and palatable variety.
Our books on health tell us over
and over again that two articles at
each meal nre sufficient, and that we
shall be liable to eat more if the table
is covered with a generous variety,
My advice is emphatic and clear.
Let "there he as generous, agreeable
aud attractive a variety at each meal
we can afford. Let the limits of that
variety be determined by our purses
our tastes, our appetites, and our tal
ent in cooking, and nut by the books.
It is possible for nearly every fnmi
ly to have a good variety of food nt
least, at the principal incut of the day,
without great expense. Cookery is
one of the fine arts. It should be made
.. ...i .ii
a study. e nave goou dooks ou
cookery at the present time, and every
young wife who loves her household,
and every young maiden who hopes to
have a household to love, should study
the best works ou this subject, just as
they grammer, arithmetic and geogra
phy in the schools ; aud, above all,
should practice the urt with their own
hands at home.
Genius never made any ludy a good
cook. The art is acquired by close
study and patier.t practice, by many
and repeated failures. A good cook
can make a pleasant and healthful
lueal out of a few simple articles. A
poor cook will make a wietched din
ner, even ftiih the whole market at
her disposal. I hope to seo the day
when the art of preparing food will oe
taught iu our schools, like other im-
portuut branches; when young girls
and young wives will go to the cook
iug-school as they now go to the dauu
iug halt, and when even ladiesot fash
ion will boast of their bread und their
puddings as they now boast of their
acquisitions iu music and French.
A variety of food is more healthful
than one or two kinds, because it is
more easily digested. This is a law of
nature. Appetite teaches us to c mi
bine tweet with sour, vegetables with
meat, dry food with wet, etc.
A meal composed simply of dry
Graham bread, or of potatoes, or of
fruit even, is far, far less palatable and
es digestible than a meal composed
of all three varieties at once. Science
aud experience are here iu perfect ac
cord, If, therefore, wo must rat rniidy, let
it he with or just after our meals. It
we iiiu' eat sweets iu the evening, let
us have sour fruit apples, or lemons,
or oranges at the same time, and we
shall be less injured. We should nev
er eat a large quantity, either of sweet
or ot sour substances, ou a perfectly
empty stomach.
Still another common fallacy is,thut
hruin-wurker need less nutriment tluiu
those who live bv their muscles.
This idea would never have been en
terlaiued if people had depended on
their own observation and . xiwriitnce.
! Ukit we have been influenced by fuUe
. I .. - . I. ... T
tionsof clergymen, or alumni meetings.
or has boarded with students, has bad
.pportunitv to seo that brain-workers
are large eaters, as indeed thry should
lie if they are really hard workers.
the changes ot tissue in the brum, that
take place during study nnd thought,
are very important and vr ry rapid, and
must he replaced by nbiiiulant. I:nd.
Our Home rhynewn, by Vr. Heard.
' itaies oi .tt.uvfc-i.iinAAn.
On!sV,i!n-;l lifrli,fom Insertion..'..'
One Square " oiitiionl .1, :-.
one S,naro " Hire! mon. ri -
One Nipiarn ' mie year
Two squares, onu year - .J ( ' ,
jnnrtr!"l. " ' ,,,,
Half " " j V'
Olio " " ' "
Ibisiness Cards, not exceeding ouo Im
In length, 10 per year. notices at established rates.
Those, rates aro low, and no dovin'ion
.vlll be made, or discrimination '"'"r
latrons. The rates oil. red aie Me .,
will make it to the a.lvi nuueof nir n ool
business in the limits i f tim clrculatio-i ol
tun I nper to advertise 1,1
Another Chance.
Doubtless all of the readers of
Mosaic have heard the story of the
young mini who applied to Dean Rich
mond for a position as conductor on
tho New York Central Uailroad, and
was asked if he hud a gold watch, dia
mond brenst-pin, nnd other similar
trinkets. When ho replied in the neg
ative, Dean emphatically declined his
services, saying :
"All our conductors are supplied
with these articles, nnd we do not w ish
to stand nur new expense in that line."
This reminds us of a story, told with
great gusto by a jovial friend in Lew
York.since gone to his last account we
hope St. Peter was good lm lured to
him. "Many years ago," he used to
say, "Hank Miller was the great Om
nibus King of New York that whs
before si reel cars were known, anil
Hank's, 'busses were going on all the
principal lines. He was a good Matur
ed ninn, quiet and full of fun. The
drivers of the 'busses were cashiers,
ton; received the passengers' money,!
made change, und at :iight handed
over their day's receipts, Ono even
ing, Hank was inspecting one of tho,
stalls of one of thestables, when John-1
V. -I III 1 I
cy iiemcK, a wcn-Kiiown urivcr, ami
as shrewd a fellow as ever' cracl ed n
whip, enme in, und, without noticing
Huuk. emptied his pockets in the next
stall, and commenced to make up his
"That's four Ehil'n for Hank, nnd
here's four for me," he said, laying
them in two different piles. "There's
four shill'n for Hank, and four for
me," and thus ho continued until thrf
money wns divided intotwo piles, with
an odd hslf dollar iu Johnny's hand.
"How's this?" says Johnny; "who
does this belong to? Well, we'll throw
up, heads for me, nnd tails for Hauk,"
an. I up be flipped it.
"Tails, by jing!" he
rnioc. I teachings aud erroneous theories,
I Any ore who bus attended usoeia
exclaimed ;
"ah, but that wasn't fair. We'll try
it n.'Min," and up it went once more.
"Heads! I thought it was mine, and
with a satisfied air he pocketed his
share and started for the ofiice to make
his returns. Hank took a short cut,
and when Johnny entered, was behind
tho counter ready to receive his money.
"Good eve'u." said Johnny, touch
ing his hut to Hunk, as be laid the
money on the counter.
"That's all right, Johnny," suid
Hank, quietly ; "we dou't need yoiii
services any more."
"Eh! How's that? What's the mat
ter, Mr. Miller?" exclaimed the as
tonished John.
"Well, 1 don't think you treated
me exactly fair," Hank dryly replied.
"Y'ou ought to have given me another
chance for that four tliiil'u."
Fates of the Apostlos.
Matthew is supposed to have suffer
ed martyrdom, or was slain in tho city
of Ethiopia.
Mark was drugged through Ihnstrects
of Alexuiidriu, in Egypt, till he ex
Luke was banged olive tree in
John was ;ut in a caldron at Home,
but escaped death. He died a uutural
death ut Ephcsus, Asia.
James the Great was beheaded at
.lames the Less was thrown from a
pinnacle aud beaten to death.
Philip was beheaded.
Bartholomew was sWiunrd alive.
Andrew was crucified and pounded
bile dying.
Thou. as waj run through with a
Simon was crucified.
Matthias was stoned to death.
Paul was beheaded by the tyrant
Nero, at Home.
. Trade with a Monkey.
Monkeys are scarce in Michigan. A
saddler in Detroit kepi one for a pel,
who usually sat on the coii.itcr, the
proprietor being in the biu k room. A
customer s-ciiig a saddle that suited
him, nsked the price.
Monkey said nothing.
Customer said : "I'll give you twen
ty dollars for il," laying down Ihc
money, which monkey shoved in tin:
drawer. The man then took the sad
dle, but monkey in. united him, tore his
hair, scratched his face, and the fright
ened customer screnmciWor dear life.
Proprietor rushed in mi l wanted to
know what's the fuss
"puss?" said the customer, "fu's?
I bought a saddle of your con, sitting
there, and when I went to take it lie
wouldn't let me have it."
The saddler apologiz"d for the mon
key, but assured him he was uu reln
tiull. An Indiana editor is represented in
"squealing back a squnwk of s cil ry.-i-oied
flis "
They Will all do so.
A young man, a son of a well-to- !"
firmer, had the initio, lime to i: .;iio
deeply Humored of a young lady, m-d
after a brief con i tshii, proposed and v.' )
accepter)'. But what was his snrpri"!
one evening, when about entering tl o
parlor with all iho uiiccieiiionicii-. u'e :-
dom of a lover, at discovering hi- i.
amorala upon a sofa, her arms around
the nc k of a neighboring youth, and
her lips in such blissful proximity to
his ns to convince our hern that mat- .
tcrs were fearfully in earnest. In rage
and mortification' he rushed bomewenl,
arriving just in time to surprise his
only sister, the pious wife of the vil-
ragii minister, to kill a young
.... ..... ... x- . -I .. r .
i disciple Ot DiaCKSIOIIf. licilliv mio
tic ut such disclosures among people
whom he hint believed to lie a little)
lower tluiu the aiigei-', he made a bold
dash for the barn, running directly up
on bis mother, kissing the old family
physician, who hud "siole a march"
upon her us she was looking after thu
poultry. This was too much, and with
a groan ihe young mail turned, tiudis
covired, nwny, resolved to puss tho
night with his grief, beneath the stars,
fearful of further revelations should he
venture beneath the shelter of another
The morning cnrotirged 'hint, how
ever, nad dew drenched and aoriovvful,,
he sought his home, wh?n his mother,
with true maternal solicitude, ques
tioneJ him ns to his sad looks ; where
upon he related thu incoiisislency of
his fair bcthrothed, receiving in reply
tho gratifying intelligence that she ns
a good-tor-liothipg, Hi -P 'tnhla hirzy,
and he must not speak to or notice her :
iijrrtin one so utterly unworthy.
"But, mother," he continued, fakes
tug, "that is not nil."
"Not all? Whatcna there be more? '
was the next question.
"Why, when I hastened home, what i
should 1 find but my sister my godly
sister in the arms of a rascally young .
"Your sister!" shrieked the outrag
ed mother. "My child? The ungrate
ful, wicked creature ! Is it for this I
have given her a home, nnd cured f -r
her husband and children? I iM do
it no longer; such conduct is infamous
-and to be digraced! She shall leave,
to day, and never enter my j resciico
"When sick and discouraged by
such tepented exhibitions of sin, I Mt,
the house, determined to pass the niijbt
iu the burn, I there found my laother
kissing old Dr. F."
"You did ?"
"I did."
"Well never mind, my son; they
will all do so."
Doctor "Well, how did your wife
manage her shower bath, deacon?"
Deacon "ho had real good luck.
Madame Moody told her how sho
managed. Hlie said sho hud a largo
oiled silk cap, with a capo to it, like a
fireman's, that came till over her shoul
ders aud "
Doctor "She's a fool for her pains
that's not the way."
Doiicon "So my wife thought."
Doctor "Your wife did nothing of
t,he sort, I hope."
D.-acoii "Oli, no, doctor, sho used
an umbiilly."
Doctor "What ! used nn umbrella?
What the mischief good did the show
er bath do her?"
Daaeon "She said she felt better.
Her clothes wcrn't wet a mite. Sh
sot uiu'er the uuibrilly for half an
hour, till nil the water trickled off.
a id taid 'twas cool and dcliglitful.und
just like a leetle shower iu summer.
Then sjio took oil' her things, and rub
bed herself li r lulfun hour urtcr."
A miilher-in-law, up ill Troy, thought
she heard bard words between her
daughter and her husband, mid 'so
she tried to sue what was going on
through the key-hole. She is now us
ing eye water on account of a doo of
red pepper that soon how went through
that key hole. Well, key holes will
act that way sometimes, when mothers
in law uro making improper uu of
1 It ro is a beautiful instance of con
jugal till'ictioii. A married lady in
Connecticut recently fell i-ito a river,
and would have been drowned, except
that her erics attracted l!io nttt ntioii
of In r hii.-hulid, uho mistaking her ill
the d;.rk for i.uolhcr woman, worked.
like n beaver to get her out.
A i::au gcln; out of nn omnibus it
few (lavs a, made use of two knees to
steady himself, at v l.ich tho Indies look
off nee. and one ol ihcin crii-1 aloud,
"A perfect savage."
" i'rue," said a wag inside, ho belongs
to the Paw-Knee tribe."
"What ii. tikes you so glum, Tom?"
"Oh, I have had to ciidaje a sad
trial to my feelings."
"What on earth wus it?"
"Why, 1 had to tie on u prct y girl's
bonnet while her mother wus looking
The ucw slvle. of collars for gentle,
man is simply terrili.'. With moder
ately long pantaloons, they da away
(Vith ajl iicce.-oiiy fur u shirt.
lie. virtuous, 1., happy.
'..t'l hitieruc"