... . n
tt PUBLISHED STEntf, TCE8DAY, t
v?. n. DUNK.
-HTloa In Kjiox'e Bulldlnffi Eln Street.
TERMS, fZOO A YEAR.
No Subscriptions received for a shorter
period tlmii throe mouths.
Correspondence solicited from nil parts
of the country, No notice will bo taken of
anonymous c-utnnunicatlnns.
Marriage and DoalU notice Inserted
gratis.
Vv DUSINZSS DIRECTORY.
TIONKSTA LODGE, NO. 477,
I. O. Of. T.
Meet every Wednesday evening, at 8
o'clock.
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
M. W. TATE, W. H.
. wsw-roif nnn, milks w. tat.
PETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
mint jBrert, TIOXESTA, PA.
Isaac Ash,
ATTOMNEY AT LAW, OH Tit. Pa.
Whl pra 'tioo In the various Courts or
Forest County. All business entrusted to
ill pure will receive prompt attcnti n.
M It
W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Dfflptnn Rim
Street, above Walnut, Tiwiexta, I'a.
C W. Giinilan,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., I'a. tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATIORVKY aT LAW, Petroleum Cnn
tre, I'a. Will practice in Hie svoral
Courts of Forest County. H6-ly
W, P, Mercllllott,
Attorney n t Law.
AND
BEII, KMTATI3 ACSI3XT.
TI OX EST A, I'A.
r-tr
C.l ARK.t F.13SETT,
A 1' TO It X1-: YS AT LA TT,
M ARI.KN AND TIDIOUTE, I'A.
TH"! VN t'KHSrXi:i havlnir associ
a'od themselves together In tlm prac
tics of l.vv, ollVr tliir professional serv cos
to the pu'ilic.
Rnaiiics1! promptly amended to !n all Mm
co iits of Warron, Forost and adjoining
amnti.,
JC:"IU3 R. CLAEZ, D. D. FAS3ETT,'
Vtaxi'ii, Ta. TiU.oiUe, Pa.
. Tioru a'.a Hnusc
M.ITTKL, Proprietor, Kim St.. Tin
s' iieUn, Ph., ntJhc mouth ifthacreek,
Mr. title has thornu till v retvv itod the
Tionesti 'loiinn, and re-fum'slM-d It om
pletelv, Al1, wh pn'mnlxn him will he
well vu.'rtdned at rmsonate rstcs, 20 1y
FOREST KCl.SU,
Dm, VCK PROPRIETOR.. Opposito
. Cou'-t llmnd. Tloncsta, Pa. JiiHt
ojieno I. . Everything new and clean and
fredi. The best of lienors koi t constantly
on hand. A pordnii of the public pair ri-el-.
rtapoctt'iilly solicited. 4-17-lV
H Mimes House,
a '1 OX EST A, PA., opposite the Pcpot.
C. !. Miibio, Proprietor. Uood Sta
bling romiei'lod with the Iioiiho. tf.
Syricusa House,
T'DToUT , P., J. A I) Maori-:, Propic-tor-.
The house has lieen thoroughly
roliltod ami Isn iw in the lirst-clas order,
with t!i best of '!. mi in' tu ion-t. Any
nibr.iuidon C'lneerninir ijl Territory at
this point will bo chcerfiillvturiiishcd.
-ly J. AD. MAilKR,
Exrhiri;e Hotel,
I ('Wi:R TirI'l!TE, Pa., D. S. Rams
J hki-.i. X Sos Prop's. This house having
lieon relil 'it is now the mostdosiriiblestop.
oin'j pla-vi in Tidiouto. A gomi Uilliard
It'io.u altadied. 4 ly
National Hotel,
XRVINETON, PA. W, A. Hallenback,
Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is
. iw opu as a tlrst claws house, situate at
I'e.luiirtion of tho OH Creek A Allegheny
t vcrand Plilhulelplila fc Erie Rail nlii,
ppoKitu the lcxt. Parties havimr to lay
ver Iruins will liud this the most eonveii
ent hoUil in town, with nrst-class aoooni
iiHlutioiis and reasonable harurns. tf.
Dr. J. L. Aooiri''',
OHYSICIAX AND StIKlKOX, who has
I had ItttiM'ii vciirs' experience in large
slid kiiisdssi'iiI practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Olllce in his Unix ",c'
iJroccry Storo, located in l idioute, near
"J'idioute House.
IN 1113 STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, tJlass, Paints,
oil Cutlery, and lino tiroi-eries, all of tho
ties! quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
11. It. 1117 It(J ESS, an experienced Prmr
iiiHtfrom New Yoi'H, has charire of the
itoro. All prescriptions put up accurately.
tf. .
Cin!N VAN RIFSFN
BLACKSMITHS
AXD
TVAOON-MAKERS.
" t' .Comer of Church and Elm Streets.
TIOXESTA, PA.
This linn is propaied to do all work in
'its line, and will warrant everything dune
a: their ih ps to (live PatiuluoUiui. I'ar
licaiUi attention given to
jiostsii.hiior.ixfj,
ftiyetUwtt atrial, and you will not re
gret it, ' W-ly.
JOHN 1, DA'.I, PRE I T.
OHN1. waoeiR, VICE PRt ST. A. H. STEELE, CASHR,
TIOITBSTA
SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
Th!s llenk transoi.. a "oneral Tlrmkiiifr,
t'olloctiiiK and Exchange lliwiiseHS.
limrts on the Principal Cities of the
1 ' it.wl Ulolna lil k'uflllie llOlltrllt Ulltl holll.
liold and Silver C',in and I ioveinnii'iii
Securities onuulil anu mhi. i-.m in
ci avei teil on mo inosi mvoruoic rius.
jnturest allowed uu time depiits.
Mar. 4, It'.
(il'U- illHli fur luo l''orvt liepuLilicru
O It will pay.
Forest'
"Let ua have Faith
VOL. IV. NO. 35.
K- V. D.THltlUUK, Trow.
UF.O. W. IM1 II It 1 III' I R.
The superior lumber co
MANUFACTURERS OF
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c.
Mills on Tionrita frtck, Forest Co., Pa.
Tardi t Office cor. 2d k Bail Road Sts.,
PITTSRUnGH, PA.
KDWAHD DITKRIIKJK.
S. D. 0ITHRIUOI
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Eslablished A. 1. 1827.
DlTHfllB6E.& SQN,
MASUFxnTRERH or
Dithridge's xx Flint Glass
PATENT OVAL
LAMP CHIMNEYS.
AND
Silvered Glass Refloctors.
Theo chimneys do not brak bv lioal.
Ask for TrriiiUDOK. Take y othei1.
PITI1RIDGE A SON,
Pittsburgh, Pa.
25-ly.
Xcw Itonrdln Ilounte.
1 TIH. 8. S. IIULINCS has built a lariro
i'l a Ulition to her house, and is now pro- .
pared to aiKnitnodateanuinberof perma-w
nent boaiders, and all transient ones who
may favor her with their patronage. A 1
IK'Mid stable has recently been built to ac- '
c iniiii'idiilo tlm horses of ituests. Charges
reasonable. Itesidenco on Elm St., oppo
site S. Hamlet's sUno. - Itl-ly
. Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Rad
I tiler. Throe diHirs north of Holmes
House, Tloneata, I'a. All work is war
ranted, tf.
NOTICE.
DR. .1. N. BOLARD. or Tidlotite, has '
returned to his praetico after an ab
sence of four months, spent in the Ho. pl
talsorNew York, whero will attond
calls in his profession.
Olllce in Eureka liruir Store, 3d door
ibove the bank, Tidi'iute, Pa, 4htf i
GREAT EXCITEMENT !
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, & CO.,
Elm St., ioncsta Fa.
Wo are In daily recolpto, the srgpstsnd
MOST COMPLETE stock
jitoci:itir
nnl
IKOVISIOX.S,
EVER BROUGHT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
FOR TIIK
1
MILLIONS!
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prices.
AND
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac., Ac,, Ac, which we otlcr at greatly re
duced prices.
:o: ,
FURNITURE ! FURNITURE! !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER SETS,
LOUNCES,
WHATNOTS,
SPRING HUliS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac, Ac., Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tl D. S. KNOX, A CO.
W A1'TKI .Menaod fl'iimcr. seek
ing a (vhI pnyin? business to sell our '!.
helriU'd, liisioiical, bioK'sphlial, ro 1
jiions and ai ii'oliurul works, send stump
lor full pariicnlars how von can makeal. 0
tofUNipcr iii'Mitti. E. it. TREAT, Pub
WUor, Wo Broadway, X. Y. VH-it
that Right makes Might ; and
TIONESTA,
Relative Rank of Cities.
The cities of New York, TliilaJul-
J hia, and Brooklyn maintain the saint;
relative rank us to population tlinl
they did in 1800. There has been con
siderable shifting of places, ainoiift
those that now constitute the remain
der of ihe twenty foremost cities ol
the Union.
ring the last decade St. Louis lias
ascended the scalo from the eighth to
the fourth.
Chicago, in a similar proportion,
Changes from the ninth t the tilth.
Baltimore, which in 18G0 was the
fou rib, retrogrades to the sixth.
Boston pursues the same direction,
from the tilth to the seventh.
Cincinnati retires a step, from the
etYtmh to the eighth.
New Orleans talis back from the
sixth to the ninth.
Sun Francisco, taking a noble, for
ward leap, vaults from the hfteeuth to
the temh.
Butt'alo lags behind from the tenth
to tho eleventh.
Washington makes a slride from
the fourteenth to the twelfth.
Newark, New Jersiy's thriving mo
tmpnlis, drops, nevertheless, from the
eleventh to the thirteenth. 1
Jjouisville, twelfth in rank in 18G0,
is now argued tu the loinloeiiili.
Cleveliui'l, foil." steps forward, mounts
from the nineteenth to tin fifteenth.
Pittsburgh alone retains the same
relative rank now as then, the six
teenth. Jersey City rises from the twentieth
to the importance of the seventeenth.
Detroit recedes fro n the seventeenth
to the eighteenth.
Milwaukee from the eighteenth to
the nineteenth.
Albany, which was, ten years ago,
the thirteenth, now takes the old place
o" Jersey City, twentieth.
Tell ua not iu idle jingle "marriage
i.s an empty dream ;" fur the girl is
dead that's single, and things ure not
what they set-in. Life is real, life is
is earned, single blessedness a fib;
"Man thou art, to man rcturneth," has
been spoken of the rib. Nut enjov
inent aud not sorrow is our destined
end or way, but to act that each to
morrow finds us nearer marriage-day.
Lile is long ai.d youth is fleeting, aiid
our heart, though light and gay, still
like pleasant dminb are beatuijr wed
ding marches all the day. In the
world's broad fields of battle, in the
bivouac of life, be not like dumb,
driven cattle be a heroine a wile!
Trust no future, howe'er pleasant ; let
the dead past bury its dead; act act
iu the living present, hoping for a
spouse ahead. Lives of married folks
remind us we ran live our lives as
well, and departing, leave .behind us
such examples as will tell"- such ex
amples that another, wasting time in
idle sport, a forlorn, unmarried broth
cr seeing, shall take heart and court.
Let us, then, be up and doing, vtith a
heart on triumph set; still 'jontriving.
still pursuing, aud each one a husbai.d
get.
The Fincastle (Va.-) Herald Ravs a
lively trade has sprung up in acorns
in the last few weeks, the price fr
good acorns ranging from 25 to 35
cents per bushel. For fattening hogs
thev are louml nearly as good as com.
This recalls the history of a farm near
Baltimore which bad been sold th.ee
times, aud of each sale had come back
to the seller's hands in discharge of
the mortgage for unpaid purchase
money. Sooti atier he had sold it the
fourth time he visited the properly
and found the purchaser's wife anil
children gathering acorns. Killing
home the gentleman called out to his
son. "The old place is gone at last"
and it was. The purchaser has grown
wealthy off the land where others had
tailed, by the practice of an industry
which would not even let the acorn
crop go to waste.
If th" parallel holds in the case of
Fincasile, then Botletourt connty,
Virginia, in beginning to gave her
acorn crop, has set out upon the path
of prosperity and wealth.
A penniless young lawyer a?ked a
millioimire for his daughter's baud.
"I shall give my child a hundred
dollar on her wedding-day," answered
the merchant. "It is a prelty little
sum, enough to provide breakfasts for
the family. Now will you have the
kindness to tell me how you propose
to furnish the dinner?"
'Oh, for that matter," returned the
unabashed youth, "those who have
break f'ut toil so well- will not utcd an
dinner at all."
It has been ascertained that there
are but 2,000,000 cannibals in the
world, and the number is rapidly de
creating, not on account of u deficicu
cy iu tl e supply of their peculiar food,
but owing to the yearly increasing bad
ness of its quality. It is aid that
some tribes have lately abandoned it
iu. disgust, aud have taken to rattle
snake.
Wo itre informed that the Roths
child fa.nily is about to "celebrate the
eel leiuiry ot thdhikinj house to
which it owes its Tnrtuho." Would it
nid bo more correct to desciibe the
celebration as a Jcwbilecf .
Republican.
in that Faith let us to tha end,
PA., TUESDAY, DECEM B E R 4 187 1
A Tale of San Francisco.
Hospitality is a virtue, but abuses
of its privileges are so common that
one is tempted to regard it as general
ly better in theory than in practice.
That is to say, it is a virtae to be ex
ercised with caution, and of the truth
of this opinion a Mrs. B., of San Fran
ciso, has been disagreeably convinced.
Mrs. B is described as one of those la
dies moving in the "best circles," and
lately sue was informed by letter that
a beautiful and accomplished niece of
an intimate friend was about to make
her a visit. Glad to welcome an east
ern belle, Mrs. B. determined to omit
nothing that could render her stay
pleasant. In due time Georgie Mande-
ville arrived, and her beauty, her rare
accomplishments, and, above all, her
luxuriuiit golden tresses, became at
once the theme of conversation amoni;
l-.t.' r, I i i ra.
me can r rnucisco uacneiors. 1 ne story
is easily guessed : fehe came, she saw,
he conquered. A wealthy broker of
fered the fascinating niece Ins hand
and heart, and being fortunate in his
suit, pressed for an immediate marriage
Mrs. B. rejoiced, und to her rejoicing
came the anxious i.icce. What should
she do for a trousseau T she had writ-
leu to her banker, but it took time to
receive money. Of course Mrs. B.
was only too glad to advance the ne
nssary Uo.lXK), and a nisiiMiificeiit nr
ray of laces and other goods was at
iWiss Georgie's disposal. Meantime,
having told her predicament to her
belhrothed, he too had handed his
check for a like amount to his ensla
ver. As they say on the etagp, "Exit
Georgie; enter police." A trunk of
cust off clothing and a profusion ol
golden hair was all that the fictitious
niece but clever swindler had left be
hiud her.
A good story is told of a rather ver
dHiit agricultural laborer, who having
by hook and crook scraped together
fifty dollars, took it to Ins employer,
with a request t.i ti ke charge of it for
him. A year after the laborer sent to
another friend to know what would be
the interest oti it. He as told three
dollars. "Well," said he, "I wish you
would lend me three dollars for a day
or two. My boss has been keeping fif
ty dollars for me a year, and I waul
to pay him the interest for it."
"I am triad," said the Rev. Dr.
Young to t.ie chief of the Little Otta
was, "that you do not drink whisky,
but it grieves me to find that your peo
nle use much of it." "Ah, yes)" replied
the chief and he fixed his eye im
pressively on the doctor, which com
muuicated the reproof before he ut
tered it "we Indians use a great deal
of whisky, but we do not make it."
"How do you feel with such a shock
ing looking coot on?'' said a young
clerk, of more tailors' bills than good
sense, one morning. "I feel," said old
Roger, looking at him very steadily
with one eye half closed, as if taking
aim at his victim "I feel, young man,
as if I had a coat on which has been
paid for. I hope you may enjoy .the
luxury some time."
A white-haired old negro preacher
in New Orleans thus addressed one ot
the meetings of the disatisfied colored
folks recently: "What vmi gruniblins
about T Yer all better off dan ye eber
spected to be. Did yer link when
Massa Linkum guv ye yer freedom he
was gwine to buy tickets in the Louisi
ana Mattf Lotiery for yer besides?"
Some fathers are too hard-hearted
for anything. A man scolded his
twelve-year-i Id sou fully five minutes
the other day because the child used
his (the futher's) best Sunday razor, to
open oysters with. We don t see how
the razor could hurt the oysters any
how. A parsimonious sea-captain, an
swering the complaints of his men
that the bread was bad, exclaimed:
"What! complain of your bieul that
is made frmu Hour? hat do you
think of the Apostles? They ate 'shew
bread,' mude from oil boots and
j Bhoes."
A lady having accidentally broken
her smelting botile, her husband, who
ius very petulant, said to her, "I de
clare, my dear, every thing that be
lungs to you is nre or le-s broken."
"True," replied I lie lady; "for even
you are a little cracked."
The following notice appears on a
bridge at I nver, Colorado: "No ve
hicle drawn by mora than one animal
is allowed to cross this bridge in op
posite directions at the same lime."
The editor of a couutrv paper re
marks that half the people who at
tend musical entertainment 1m his
town "don't know the diHereiine be
tween a symphony and a sardine."
Said a gardener to a friend who bad
a very rubicund countenance, "Pray
gaze oter my garden wall for a little
while ; my cucumbers are very back
ward." An Irish student was once asked
what was meant by posthumous works.
"They are such works." said Paddy,
"as a man writes afler he is dead."
Advice to mothers A switch iu
time saves nine.
dare do our duty as we understand if--LINCOLN.
Shakspeare and the Bible.
A writer in Oliver Optic's Magazine
has made a collection of curious par
allel passages which show the famil
iarity of the great dramatist with the
Scriptures, and account for the com
mon saying in resrard to many a famil
iar quotation : "It must be found either
in the Bible or Shakspeare : "
II ,
umeiio. -jtuae am i in my
.
peecn.
Bible. "But though I be rude
in speech. M 2 Cor., xi.. 6.
Witches in Macbeth. "Show his
, eyes and grieve his heart."
1 tt:i.i nr ,
uiuie. VOiisuuie mine eyes, anu
grieve mine heart. 1 Sam. n, 33.
Macbeth. "Life s but a walking
snanow.
1,'it .. .
mine. -iiian waiketh in a vain
show. Pg. xxxix., 6.
Macbeth. " We will die with harness
on our backs.
Bible. "Nicaner lav dead in his
harness." 2 Mac.,xx.,28.
Banquo. "Wo tu tiie land that is
Bible. "Wo to thee, oh laud, when
thy king is a child." Eccles. x.,16.
governed by a child."
Tiir.on of Athens. "Who can call
him his friend that dips iu the same
dish ?"
Bible. "He that dippeth his hand
with me in the dish, the same shall be
tray me."
Two mem hers of the West Virginia
Legislature lately took a sleeping car
at Grafton. The cars were crowded,
anp the two had to sleep together. One
wa? fat; the other was lean. The fut
man snored, and the leau one had to
Juy awake. At about midnight the
insomnia legislator could no longer
stand the stcntorions breathing of his
mate, and he anno and sat by the fire.
An old lady entered and wanted a
place to sleep. 'Go to my berth,' said
the sardonic lean one; 'I left my little
boy there asleep. I shall sit up. I must
think of legislative things.' Ku the old
lady went to her berth, disposed of her
garmeuts, and laid down. Presently
tin- 'boy' kicked. Then the 'ady pat
ted him on the back, and said: 'Lie
Rtill.sonny ; pa said I might sleep along
with you.' 'Oh, no!' ma red the bison
a boy no more, but a bison : Thun
der! who are yu? I ain't a boy 1'ni
a member of the West Virginia Legis
lature.' The lady then went into a
swoon; nor could ehc.he aroused until
the tavmau had promised her that he
would have the lean one impeached.
The drill inspector iu an English
regiment one of the old stamp of
martinets rgeants who was the ter
mr of every recruit aud the remorse
less tyruht of the awkward Kquud. was
putting a firing party through the fune
ral exercise. Having opened the ranks
so as to admit the passage of (he sup
posed carriage between them, the in
structor ordered tho men to 'rest ou
their arms reversed.' Then, by way id'
practical explanation, he walked slow
ly down the lane formed by the two
ranks, saying as he moved : 'Now, I'm
the corpse I Pay attention I Having J
readied the end ot Hie party, he turn
ed and regarded them steadily with a
scrutinizing ,;ye for a moment or two,
and then remarked, in a most solemn
tone of voice : 'Your 'auds is right,
hikI your 'eads is right; but you
'aven't cot the look of regret that you
ought to 'ave;'
Sophia, a six year-old pet, after look
ing thoughtfully at the new moon a
little while, turned to her uncle and
said : 'Uncle Will, I can see God's
thumb nail. That id it.' sue added.
minting to the narrow crescent; 'and
can almost see God's thumb.' At
another time she found a shelless egg
uiiuer the currant bushes, and, in a
high stale of excitement, brought it
in and showed it to her aunt. 'See
auntie,' said she, 'what I found under
tL' a currant bushes! And I kuow the
old lien that laid it, I'm just going to
put it back iu the nest and make her
liuish it.'
The High School of Spri:igficld,
Ohio, graduated the youiig ladies of
Us last class in calico dresses, as pleas
ing tu the eye of taste as to the hand
of economy. This was hi ought ubout
by the thoughtful suggestion of the
superintendent and the hearty ac
quiescence of the girls themselves, ou
the only ground on which high schools
can long be perpetuated, namely, tlt.it
beiug supported by luxation they must
be open to all classes iu society and
coiiitr their advantages upon the poor
est of their pupils, without preemption
by fushiou or creed, expenses or auy
ttiing else.
Some paper says: "Texas has a new
game in curds; one holds a revolver,
the other holds the cards. A coroner
holds the inquest." In case any one
should wish to try the game, und finds
the instructions not sufficiently full,
we may add that the holder of the
cards "turns up," and tha: the firer of
the revolver "cuts." Iu New York, wo
presume, the coroner would hold the
stake, iu the interest of the next jtlode
tt when he turus up.
A concsi ltd young parson once said :
'This morning 1 preached to a o ngre
tion of usses!' '1 thought of that,' re
torted a lady, 'when you called them
your blovJ brethren.'
$2 PER ANNUM.
American Women.
This is what Dr. Holland says on
the subject of the physical condition of
Americun Womeo : There are other
s:gns of improvement iu the Ameiican,
and these relate mainly to the feuialo
side of the nation. Tlm
i man has long been regarded by Euro
r-"B me mosi oeautitui woman in
the world. This t.he is aud has been
for twenty-five years, without a doubt;
und as the circumstances of her life
become easier, her labor less severe,and
her education better, she will t more
beautiful still. America never pos
seseed a more beautiful generation of
women than she possesses to day, and
there is no doubt that the style of beau
ty is changing to a nobler type. The
characteristic American woman of the
present generation is larger than the
characteristic American woman of the
previous generation. It conies of bet
ter food, of better clothing, better sleep,
more fresh air, and less of hard word
to mothers during those periods when
their vitality is all demanded for their
motherly functions. V vmimn
say that the remark has been made
py onservers thousands of tunes during
ing the past summer, at the various
places of resorts, that thev had nevr
seen so many large women together be
ore. indisputably they never had.
Mocking a Minister.
Ct ubasson relatis a laughable anec
dote of a Gibraltar ape, which he
broutrht ud tame, and wlii.di I,..m...
so attached to him as te be desirous ot
occompanying him wherever he went,
so that when lie had to p -rtlirm the di
vine Service he was under the neeesitv
of shutting the ape up. One day, how
ever, me animapeseaped and followed
ins masier, remaining perfectly quiet
Until tha RArmnn karroo T I ...
- - Vv... VUIICII
forward, and overlooking tlm rUi.ir
imitated his gestures so grotesque!)
"that the whole congregation was con
vulsed With lauchier. Omhnaion sur
prised aud displeased at this ill-timed
levity, reproved his auditors for in
uttention; and on the obvious failure
of his reproof, he, in the warmth of
zeal, redoubled his gesticulations, and
vocueraiions. 1 hese the apo so exactly
imitated that all respect for their pas
tor was swallowed un iu tlx ceii bu
fore them, and the w hole congregation
burst into a loud and continued roar
ot la: ghter. A frieud of the preacher
in length stepped up to him; and, on
learuiuir the cause of this hilnritv ;
was with the utmost difficulty that he
could command a serious countenance
while he ordered the ape to bo taktu
away.
A correspondent of the St. James
Magazine cites a.i instance, which tic
cuired as late as twenty five yeurj ago,
of a couple married with the church
key instead of a weddinjr rine. Th re
appears to be some doubt as to the
valiuityof this substitute, but in point
of symbolism, at any rate, a church
key is surely, in comparison with a
marriage ring, the more suitable in
strumeiit of wedlock.
A boy aRked a certain preacher if he
would have a light. No, child,' said
the Doctor, 'I am one of the lights of
the world.' I wish then,' replied the
boy, 'you were hung at the end of uui
alley, for it is a very dark one.'
'You must not play in the street
with the boys now, my dear; you are
seven years old said an old lady to
her grand child. 'But, graudma, was
the innocent reply, 'liie older I grow
the better I like the boys.'
A German porter and a French girl
were married iu Hartford last week, af
ler forty-eight hours acquaintance.
Neither of them understood the
language of the other, so it will be
some little time before they cuu fight iu
peace.
A clergyman once posted the follow
ing notice on the gate of the church:
"Found, two hats in my strawberry
bed. The owners can have the same
by proving property." We don't be
lieve the owners wiil call for litem.
Mrs. Mala prop, who was early left a
widow, has an obliging neighbor to
whom she applies iu al! her little difli
cullies, one of those handy men who
can do any tiling and ever) thing; she
calls hiiu her Teetotum.
Auntie 'Well, Lucy, I suppose
vnii 're pleased with the new hubv?'
Lucy 'No, I ain't. Auntie 'It will
such a nice play fellow tor you.' Lucy
'How can it be a p'.ay-lellow when
it's a giil.'
A young man in the street being
charged with laziness, was asked if he
took it from his father. 'I think not,'
said the disrespectful sou, 'father's got'
all the laziness he ever had.
'Our children will have an immense
tax on their hands,' said a gentleman.
'O, horrible!' exclaimed an elderly la
dy. What a blessiug we have nails
ou ours.'
' "This is capital ale," said ail old to.
per, "see how lung it keeps its head !"
"Ay," said a by stander; "but consid
er how soou it takcaaway yours!"
A uuiversal waut-sWnt of moa-y.
i;Siii mmuiiimmmit- m -tt Tin f
Rates of Advertising.
One flqnare(l Inch,) on Insert Ion.... fl
OneS'juare " one month I Of
One Squire "- three months... 8 09'
One Square " on yae.r 10 00
Two Squares, on year 14 00
Vuartr Col. " SO ov
Hair " no or)
One " 10e 0-
Business- Cards, not exceeding one Inoh
In length, f 10 per year.
Legal notices at established rata.
These rates are low, and no derlatiet
will be made, or discrimination amonir
patrons. The rates offered are such, sa
will make it to the ad vantage of men dol
business in the limits of the circulation ot
tue I'rtDer to advertise liber all v.
Deal Gently.
What a world of happiness and 1or
this would be, were we all to obey
this simple command 1 A few Word
of love and kindness are more sure to
guide the erring in the path of right,
than a lifetime of harsh dealing. Sis
ters, deal gently with an erriug broth
er, l.ir the kind words of a loving sis r
ter are sweeter far than mu.-io in s
brother's ear. Brother, listen and
obey the commands of a loved sister.
It you are traveling in the downward
path, I admonish you, hear the gentle
words of a sister. Her words may fall
unheeded now, but perhaps when the
voice of that loved one is hushed, when
she can no longer plead with you,
her gentle and loving admonitions
will haunt you day and night, and the
pleasure you sought for will net be
louml until you seek and travel in the
path that she has pointed out to you. .
I have often thought, were wives to
deal more gently with their husbands,
husbands to treat their wives in a like
manner, there would be thousands of,
happy homes where now misery reigns.
Should it be the lot of any young la
dy to he weddel to an intemperate,
husband, deal gently, for you will Bey
er reclaim him from the paths of vice
by dealing harshly.
'Indeed you are very handsome,'
said a gentleman to his lady love.
Toon I pooh I said she, 'so ycu would
say it you did not think so.' 'Ana so
you'd think if I did not say so he an
svt ered.
"Susie," said a mother to her little
daughter of five summers, "what would
you do without your mother?" "I
would put on jtst such a dress ss 1
pleaseed, every day," was the prompt
reply.
Come here, you mischievous little
rascal you 'Won't you lick me, fath
er?' 'No.' 'Will you swear you wou'tf '
'Yes.' 'Then I won't come, father, for
pa i son Atwood says that he who swears 1
will lie '
The fall and winter crop of female
lecturers bids fair to be very heavy.
All sorts of subjects will he introduced.
'How to keep down the family' is an
nounced by a beautiful Iudiana lady
of 25.
A cross bid bachelor says, "The
reason why women do not cut them-
selves iu two by tight lacing, h be i
cause they lace around the heart, and
that is so bard they cannot effect it,' ,
Penelope Ann, an old maid, hearing
her cousin, Jerusha Jane, complaining
of chaped hand, said she wished she ,
had them, for she hadn't hud a chap
on her bauds fur twenty years. '
A man com ting a young woman was
int. ruga ted as to Lis occupation. 'I
am a paper-hanger on a large scale-,
he replied. He married the girl and
turned out to be a bill-sticker.
An Elmira editor, speaking of the
marriage of a brother quill, says: 'It's
sad, however, thU parting with old ;
friends. One by one they drop off aud
d uble up
"Women, wake up!" exclaims the
Revolutiou, and an indolent rural ed-
itor adds: "Yes, and turu out and .
make a fire and put the lea-kettle ou." .
A modern thinker says tlmt "many '
people will be astonished when they get
lo heaven to find the angels laying na
schemes to be made arch-angels.
A French wit said of a man- who
was exceedingly fat, that uature only
made him to show how the human skin- -would
stretch without breaking,
A sick man was told that hit wife
would probably marry again. 'Alt
right said he, 'for there will be oo -man
to lament my death.'
A Veteran merchant says that al
though his clerks are very talkative
during the day, they are always ready
lo shut up at uight.
"Pa, isn't that man in what they
call the spring, time of lite?" "Why,
my son 7 "lecause he looks so very
green.
A gardener's wife made a pin-rusinn
out of a Spanish onion, but she fouud
it brought the tears into ber needles
eyes.
You talk of your troubles, but yours
is not such a hard case as mine, as ibe
oyster said to the fisherman.
Among the lart things out in pa
thetic song are "My Darling's Shoes."
T Jey are out at the toes.
'I am receiving my back rations at
the soldier said wheu be was flogged
for stealing beef.
No dust affects the eyes like gold
dust, aud no glasses like braudy
glasses.
A Western gentleman advertises for
a 'self supporting wife
Is it for a garret window to suffer
room attic paues?
'Do you keep accounts, Dick ? 'Yes,
I rcckou.'
The cup after the cup that cheers--The
hie cup.
A b!ack bird A raven hue officer.
Au attached couple Oystor abell.
1 ;