The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, August 29, 1871, Image 1

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    $ht Rarest gt jrobtan.
fllee is Kjox' Building, Elm. Street.
Rates of Advertising:.
One Square (1 Inch,) one Insertion-. .-tl (
One Square " one month 0
One Square " three months... 6 Ot
OnoSqnare " one year ... 10 00
Two Nqiinres,one Tear...l 15 01
quarter Col. " :W1 (
Half " " H0 00
One " " 100 0W
Business Cards, not exceeding one lac-h
In lenKth, f 10 per year.
Le;nl notices at established rates
These rates are low, and no derlatioa
.Mil be maile, or discrimination amon(
patrons. The rates olfered are such, a
will make it to the advantaiteof men dot. J
business In the limits of the circulation of
tne paper to advertise liberallv.
Things don't run very smoothly in
Wyoming. Recently six married la
1 Republican.
TERMS, $2.00 A YEAR.
Wo Subscriptions reneivod for a shorter
period thnti three month.
Corresondenee solicited from nil parts
.f the country. No notice will bo taken of
aaDonyinous' communications.
Marriages and Doath notices Inserted
" L?t U3 have Faith that Riht raake3 Might; and ia that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if-LINCOLN.
VOL. IV. NO. 21.
I. O. Gk T.
feeta every Wednesday evening, at
111 o'clock.
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
M.W. TATE, W. H.
. aawtoM rimi,
tmr,1, TIONESTA , PA .
Isaac Ash.
Will practice In the varloua Court of
Forest County. All business entrusted to
til care will receive prompt attonti n.
16 It
W. W. Mason.
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Office on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tionesta, Pa.
C W. Gilflllan,
TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
L aango Co., fa. tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTORNEY aT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, Pa. Will practice in the several
Cve.rU of Forest County. 85-ly
W. P. MerciUiott,
Attorney at I. aw'
Jotr K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
x Patents.No. 6W r rench streettopposlte
Hoed HouHe) Erie, Pa. Will practice in
the several Slate Courta and the United
States Courta. Special attention given to
aollcltlrj patents for Inventors lnfriii(ro
tnenU, re-issue and extension of patents
oarerullv attended to. Kererences: lion.
J anes Campbell, Clarion Hon. John S.
McCalmont. Franklin: II. L. A A. II.
Richmond, Mead ville; W. E. Lathy. Ti-
ueeta. .... i7
Tionesta House.
MITTLE, Proprietor, Elm St., Tlo-
-m , iy-q., a h., n .iiv ' i hi u ...... ....j . w n,
Mi". ItUe has thoroughly renovated the
' Tionesta House, and re-furnished it com
pletely. All who patronize him will lie
' well entertained at reasonable rat ox. 20 ly
XJ Court HoUMt, . Tionesta, Pa. Just
opened. Everything new anil clean and
fresh. The best of Honors kept constantly
on hand. A .portion of the public patron
age is respectfully solicited. 4-1 -ty
Holmes House,
inONESTA. PA., oiinosite the Penot.
1 C. I. Maiiie, Proprietor. Oood 8U-
ling connected with the house. tf.
Syracuse House,
TIDIOUTK.Pa., J. 1) Maokr, Prople
tors. The houNO has lieen thoroughly
rentteil and Is now in the nrst-clans order,
with the boat of accommodations. Anv
. Bformallon concerning; Oil Territory at
una point will be cneerrullv rurniHhMt.
ly J. Al. MAMKE
Exchange Hotel,
T OWER TIDIOUTE. Pa.. T. 8. Rams-
XJ dkkl A Hon Prop's. This house having
Men rented is now tne most uesi rame top-
Jiug place in Tidioute. A good Milliard
loom attached. 4-ly
National Hotel,
T RYINETON, PA. W. A. Ilallonback.
Proprietor. This hotel is Nkw, and is
.ow open as a first class house, situate at
. p junction of the Oil Creek & Allegheny
tiverand Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
nposlle Uie Depot. Parties having to lay
ver trains will find this the most conven-
' eut hotel in town, with Hrst-class accoin
aoilsliona and reasonable charges. tf.
it. e. irioiuti.s,
T nr 11 .1 V. .. 1 ...1 1M
Tionesta, and is prepared to do all kinds ol
xrork in tne line ol repairing
Clocks, Watches, Jewelry, &c,
In good stvle and warranted to give satis-
faction. Watches, Jewelrv, Ac, will be
left in care of 1. 8. Knox, who will be re
sponsible for tiioir safe return.
lWr. B. K. MORRIS.
" - AND
Corner of Church and Elm Streets,
This firm Is prepared to do all work In
its line, and will warrant everything done
. ai tnoir anps to give salistHctiou. Par
ticulur atUmtiou given to,
Oivetliein atrial, and you will not re
gret it. IS-ly.
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank transact! a General Dunking,
Collecting and Exchange ilusiness.
Drafts on tho Principal Cities of the
United States and Europe bought and sold.
Gold and (Silver Coin and (ioveriinient
Securities bought and sold. 7-:io Honda
-eonvertod on tiie most favorable terms.
Interext allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, tf.
CJUIlNCRIKKiorthe Forest Kepubliciu
O ft wUl rtrr.
Dr. J. L. Aconib, I
I hnd tlllccn years' experience in largo
and successful practice, will attend nil
Professional Calls. Ofllee in his Drug and
Grocery Store, locstcd in ' Idiouto, near
Tidioute House.
V full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
roliseeo, Ciirars Stntlonerv, Glass, Paints,
Mis Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold At reasonable
II. R. BURGESS, an experienced Druir
Ist from New York, has ehargo of the
lore. All preseriptionHpiit upacciiratoly.
Tint Sons Co.'s
NEW ENGINES. Thcunderslgned have
forsale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Tint Hons A Co.
are now sending to this market their 12-
Horse Power Lngine with 14-lIorse I'ower
Holler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Okficks at liuncnu A t hallant s, dealers
In Well Fixtures, Hardware, Ac, Main St.
next door to Chase House, Pleasantville,
and at Mansion House, Titusville.
tf. K. HKKTT A SON, Agents.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesta, Ta. All work Is war
ranted, tf.
TR. J. N. KOLAKD. of Tidioute, has
J returnsd to his practice alter an ab
sence ot lour mounts, spent in tne no.
lalsnr.xew lorK, where will aw
Lil Ilium I'luit-wiuii. i
..... . . . . . . .
umce in r.iireKa irug more, an ooor
ibove the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4Utf
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, tc CO.,
Elm St., ionesta Pa.
We are In dally roeclpto. th. . rtmd
FOR Till?
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prices.
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails.
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ac,, Ac, which we otter nt great v re
duced prices.
of all kinds,
ES, Ac, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see.
7-tl D. S. KNOX, A CO. !
iw Send lor our new Prico List and a
Club Form will accompany it, containing
foil directions making a large saving to
consumer- and remunerative dub or,;uii
izers The f.rt'ut A nierlcau Tea
P, O. Uox 'Mi. nkw vokk. 1 4t
Triumphs of Enterprise,
A New Book, 700 octavo panics, well
Illustrated, intensely inlcrc-H'.iii. and very
instru -live. Exclusive lei riiorv idvcu.
Our Terms are the in si Liberal. Apply
to us, and hco i tliev are not. A. S.
UAlE A. CO.. Uiu'Ll'ord. Coiia.
A laily corrc.ponlcnt writing from
Lrnig Liiuncli, suys : There is nothing
inure annoying in a hotel than a man
given to loud snoring. On the second
Hour with me, looking out upon the
ocean, are two individuals who mnke
nignt duleous by their euuring. Old
Mr. (J , it is allowed, makes the
most noise, although on certain occa
sions, "our fiit friend" blows a very
shrill trombone. Your regular snorer
is an enemy to society, and either
ought to cure his propensity or turn
hermit. Old Mr. 0 , a lew even
ing since, so frightened Mrs. D 's
little Charlie that the child has not
got over it yet. 1 wish you could hear
the old ui'iillcinan hen ho is iu full
blunt. Hit other ii 1 2 hi I lay and lis-
teneil ; he exhaled. Now the air rush- (
eil through Ins extended jaws, now it ;
burst t.o tli obstreperously through this '
sounding no-e. lie took it iu with the '
tone oi i ooiuve Utile, and he let it i
out iig.un wit, i the profound depth of a !
iroiiiboue. ile breathed short, he
apcii, whistled, groaned, and gurgled.
lie quickened, the tone became
rapid, agitated, und furious. My hus
band could btuud it no longer, and
rising from his bed went directly to
his door and commenced a furious as-
upon it, calling Mr. J to
"shut up his mouse trap." The whole gone through, and many more are
thing was so ludicrous that I could not ncccessary before the knife is complete
refrain from roaring right out. I call- ly finished, although the number of
ed on the hotel proprietor to put a stop hands which it has now to pass through
to this very disagreeable noise. My depends in u great measure on the fin
little bov has iust as much rizht to ish to be eiven to the handle, accord-
1 beat his drum any night and distrub-
the sleepers of est r-nd as these loud
suorers by such pompous displays of
i ..i nr:n ... . i...
nunai aoiiiiy. ia lucj uu mm. too
noses of these gentlemen are punched ?
A Gooa Joke on Editohs boon
after Chief Justice Jhase (then a
the gubernatorial chair
iu vmo, uc issued ms pi iiiinuiuiioii
111 Ulno, he issued his proclamation
appointing a thanksgiving jay. To
make sure of being orthodox, the gov
ernor composed his proclamation al
most exclusively of passages from the
bible, which he did not designate as
qu '.lanolin, presuming that every one
won d recognize them, and admire the
words us well as his taste in their se
lection. The proclamation meeting
the eyes of a democratic editor, ho
pounced at once upon it declared he
had read it before couldn't say ex
actly where but he would take hie
oath that it was downright plagiarism
fVem beginning to end. That would
have been a pretty fair joke; but
next day the lug editor came
valiantly iu defence of the governor,
prououiieed the charge false and libel-
lous, and challenged any man living
ti ..r.iiliit.t. i.iio Kiinrlu titm .I' tliu rwt.
clrtiuaiion that ever had appeared
print before. Columbus btntesman.
... v. ...fe.
I All ice dealer in Evansville, Iud.,
; siiys a colored man amused himself
i awhile on .Saturday by swinging his
corpus In 'in a hook suspended in tho
ice house for the hoisting and loucr
iug of ice. Suddenly, by some mis
hup, he misled his hold ou the hook
and tell into the deep ice cellar,, a
d plh of from fifteen to twenty net,
and "lit" ou his head and houldcr.
Of course those who suw it expected
to find him dead, but when they iook-
ed iu al the do... he i-ut scratching his
head with a bullish look u his lace,
. find exminniiig ihe broken ice whele
he fell, and then rdowly tuetixurnig the
j distance will; In eye upward to where
! he fell from When he saw Mr. Whee
ler l.e I. ked vt,y sorry and said.
vi i y
; "Fo lie 1, Id, I.....S, V
dat Ici , 1 i, r!i i."
st. sorry I
I The u -'-hi-cu i- Jj-pren gives the fol-
lowing louchiiig incident
with the receii dcaih of a citizen of
that place: "'He giveth Ilis beloved
slei.' The disease of which Mr. E.
II. Hollister died lutisid excessive
: drowsiin 8;, and efforts were made to
I counteract this tendency and
him from sleep. Just before he died,
i his i-i.-ti r urged him to resist ihi-gmw-I
it-g stupor, aud he rallied snllicienlly
to utter the sublime sentence: 'He
i giveth His beloved sheep.' Thes were
his last words, lor he slept to wake no
more into mortal life."
A man w ho had been denied per
mi.ssi.iii to cros the bridge of the JSew
Jersey Railroad lit New Brunswick,
shoved the the bridge ti nder aside and
walked along. Rciiuv he had reached
the opposite side a t ra in came (lushing
U, and he saw a terrible dealh siariug
him in the face without any apparent
means id' escape. Just as the lot unio
tive was upon him he jumped off the
bridge to the road beneath, a ditance
of about forty feet. The passengers
expected to see him dashed to pieces,
but he es aped almost unharmed.
An exchange t-ays that it knows of
a boy who accidentally swallow a sil
ver half dollar. T icy gave him warm
wa'er and tartHr emelic, and untiino
it iu I wiiie.aml peked I e i n eis down
ins llr at until the bov thought he
would ihrow up his h e nails. Altera
while a doctor came along who uiidi i
stood sin li i uses. He administered a
.-niu' I dose of patent medii ine, and in
less ihtiii It n minutes the boy threw
i the inni in live ccul ptcctS,
rx-iquce is a great thing
Manufacture of Knives.
Few people have a.iy idea through
what a number of hands their pocket
knives have passed in the process of
manufacture. A bar of steel destined
to furnish u number of blades is heat
ed to redness, a length is cut off, and
the speedily ''moods" this that
is, shapes it roughly into the form of a
pocket-knife blade. Another heating
is then required to fit the end for be
ing fashioned into the tang; and yet
another, before it can undergo the fur
ther operation of "gmithing," the last
stage of which is the stamping of the
thumb nail, to facilitate opening. The
tang is then ground and the b'ade
mm'Ked with the name of the firm.
The slight bulge on the reverse side
caused by this operation is removed by
fire or the grindstone. The blade is
then hardened, by healing it to redness
and then plunged it into water up to
the tang.
The tempering process follows next,
the bluish yellow lint being consider-
ed as indicating that the proper degree
of heat at which to immerse the blade
once more in cold water has been at
tained. After this the various kinds
are clarified iu the warehouses and
undergo sundrv grinding operations to
fit them for being lmfted. Twelve dis-
tinet processes have by this time been
inr to the quality of the blades with
which it is fitted, and the price which
the completed article intended to real-
i A remarkable triumph of surgical
gjn ;g chrouicled in the Louisville
,)imers. A few weeks nco a little bov.
gix years of ago. while playing on the
stairwav ot the unit tiouse. tell a ois
tance of seventy feet, alighting upon a
stone floor, from which he was raised
apparently a lifeless, shapeless mass.
In the course of his fall he struck a
projecting corner of the staircase,
breaking an inch board across the
grain, and further down he struck and
broke an oak baluster an inch in diam
eter. Numerous fractures and a terri
b.e scalp wniin I were produced by this
triLlitlul tali. I he right arm was
crushed into pieces above and bel w
the elbow, both legs were broken at
and near the ankle joints, and iunu
merable contusions were received nil
' over the body. Notwithstanding these
dreadful iniuries. under skilful sur-
pical t.are the child not only recovered,
but now has a perfect use of all his
; limbs.
.,.,. ,,., l;. l v:.
.iir ii.i, ci n Mill. ill . 1 1 -
gmia a' killed hv the bite ot rattle
; snake. The little fellow had gone out
: with some other members of the fa nil
: ly to look for eggs, and in his search
he crawled under his father's barn.
After going some distance under the
floor, he s reumed to his companions
that something was killing him. I hey
obtained assistance, and raised up the
planks of tin floor, when to their hor
ror they found a large rattlesnake had
tightly roiled ar .uud his neck. The
snake hud bitten him iu several places
ou the face and neck, and he wajijuite
1 deud w hen taken up.
1 An Irishman was looking about the
ruins of the .iiirnl confectionary estab
Ishinent in Nashua, Saturday, when he
. spied a box - f lozenges, still iu a fair
j stale ot preservation. He picked up
the box, but preliminary to makini;
' off with it the bright idea occurred to
him to lie sure that the lozenges were
woiih purloining. He picked out a
i full lili L ti it ill ttl-n uud Itrutnniitil l.iu
i , .
moiiiii as lull oi ozeiiges as the l ra
chitis did of spoons. In a moment
more the bux was hurled to the ground,
accompanied by thecm liiimitimi : "Be
gorra, iney are hot yet!" They were
of the ea venue oi t.
The wonderful ice cave in Decoruh,
Wiunesheik county, Iowa, is a vertical
fi-stnc in the the face of the cliff of
Trenton linicstoine that forms a part
of the upper Iowa river. It is about
100 feet deep in all its windings, in
from two to eight feet in width, and
varies still more in height. In the
winter the cave is free from ice, but
upon the approach of hot weather the
ice bcgiini to accumulate, and sold,
hard and dry cakes encrust the sides
and bottom of the cave. When tin
weather is hottest the cave is most
abundantly stored with ice.
Joseph Wilson committed suicide at
ai Camden, N. J., on Monday. He
first attempted to open an artery. In
this attempt hu cut his arm across in
a number of places. Fiudiug he had
not reached an artery, he drew the ra
zor along the boi.e all the way from
the shoulder to the wrist. Failing to
kill himself by these means, hu at
tempted to cut hi throat. Ho sever
ed the indpipc, but aitin failed to
reach the arteries, and lived several
hours iu terrible torture, entirely uu
abie to speak.
Two brothers named Elliott, and N.
J. Ioiig and John Mullen were caught
and killed recently by Indians near
I ers.wau burned at Uie Blake.
Fort (irilhu, Texas : one of the broth-
Strange Freak of Fortunt.
A very singular story has come to
our notice illustrative ot the strange ;
freaks sometimes played by lotteries. The version is this year given by the
A gentleman well known in military i Cincinnati Commercial, and is as fid
circles in thie city, made an invest-1 lows:
ment to the extent of one ticket in I
the Sacramento Lottery. He purchas-
ed at the time the first tickets were
offered for sale. He had purchased
dozens of lottery tickets before, and
held twenty in the Mercantile Library
scheme, but never heretofore has had
the fortune (or misfortune) to draw a ,
prize, lie had become completely
disgusted with his ill luck, and had
detcrmin.d never to buy anothjr tick-1
et. Ilut when the Sacramento lottery
tickets ere offered, he, under a whim
if the moment, resolved to seal it in
an envelope without looking at the
number until the drawing should have
taken place, aud he should have a full
list before him. He carried out his
resolution. Last evening, with a full
list of prizes at hand, hu opened his
envelope. He had been so many times
unf irtunate that he really nad no ex
pectation uf drawing a prize, but he
title I a faint hope that his luck would
change. On tearing upeo the enve
lope with an affected nonchalance,
judge of his astonishment on finding
he had nrawu nothing. Moral : It
you want to be sure of a lucky num
ber, don't look at it until it draws
something. San Francixco' Bulletin
July 24.
Personal Items. Max Strakoscb
sailed yesterday for Europe Cyrus
V. Field sailed the day before Ole
Bull and his new w ife are visiting Mrs.
B.'s father-in-law at Madisou, Wis.
Ralph Waldo Emerson bud Miss
Louisa Aleott have arrived at their
home in Concord, Mass., the former
from California ai.d the latter from
Europe; she is "inundated" with ginn
ing letters complimentary of er Little
Men Nilsson aud her affianced go to
Newport next month, and Miss Kel
legg will also go there, and both will
sing Miss Agnes Ethel (Frou Frou)
sailed yesterday for Europe, taking
the big Saratoga trunk and 41 dreeses;
she goes to "recuperate" Madame
Anna Bishop sails for Europe ou the
, Few of the masculine gender have
any idea of the intricacies of the fe
male toilet, while its cost is a marvel
even to the most astute, llicro is a
conundrum w hich explains that a ship
is always skeu ot as being ot the letn-
luiue sex, "because the rigging costs
more that) the hull :" uud this contains
a profound philesophical truth. A
huir-dresser in New York has on sale
a double braid of pure gray hair,
twenty-eight inches iu length and of
about the thickness uf ones wrist, on
which he places tha modest price of
83,000, and expects to get it, too.
Truly, we are fearfully and wonderful
ly made.
A fish boat coming into Michigan
''ity was suddenly seen to disappear
about four miles out, when a tuggoing
to look after it found it bottom up,
with three men dinging to it. There
had been four on board, but after cap
sizing the boat would sustain only
three, and the fourth, John Olvany,
saying that as the others were men of
family he would give them the chance
of rescue, and himself try to swim
aslmre on a board, had started, but
the empty board floating back soon
had indicated that he wns drowned.
A Paris correspondent says : "You
wish for Ihe latest social news, and the
very latest fashions from Paris, an.!
you shall have them, such as they are;
but, alas! Paris is iu abeyance. The
bloody hand of revolution has crack
ed the gilts- mid ( Hst down the mould ;
sod, iu truth, neither fusuion or form
are much heeded. The fashion today
it metaphorically sackcloth, with ashes
on the head actually the deepest
mourning that milliners can imagine,
"Come here, my little Eddy," said
a gentleman to a youngster of seveu
VfHN uf Hire uliita uillinir in tlm imp.
! lor where a large company was assem
bled; "do you know me?"
"Yes, sir, I think I do."
"Who am I then? let me hear."
"You are the tuau who kissed sister
Augeline, lust night, iu the parlor."
Angel, ne fainted.
A (leutlctnan asked a lady known
to he utterly ignorant of language,
"How did you get along when abroad
to make yourself understood ?" She
replied, wuh (juite a French air, "we
hud tho interrupter with us." The same
lady, having a ranged some statues in
an adjoining room, requested the same
gentleman to step into the next " im
part ineul und see the antics."
It is mentioned as an extraordinary
event, that last week a car containing
six tons of twenty dollar gold pieces,
and a million dollars iu mutilated cur
u ncy, passed from Sun Francisco to
Omaha without a f'reebooting hand be
ing raised agaiust it.
A boy fiAeen years old, while look
ing through his fatlutr'a machiue shop
in 1 lnlud
last week.
i'oiti, oil co in EMia J oi
was caught by the inaiu
I.: i r
belt, aud dashed against the ceiling so
ioleutly as to kill him instantly.
The Game of Fly Loo.
The story about the "new" game of
ny loo is in its annual rounds again.
"The detestable canker that destroys
men's souls had made its appearance
among the little community of plea
sure seekers at the Yellow Springs, tin-
der the auspices ot a celebrated Alder-
man of this city, w ho is notorious for
the alacrity with which he will bet on
anything, from tho juvenile game of
pica or po tome relative leugtn ot
.straws to be plucked out of a hay-
stack, and iu the enticing form of
Fly Loo,' It is iu testimony that
every afternoon from twenty to thirty
of the very flower of our mercantile
population retire to a private room.
aud uuder locks and bolts give them
selves up to this satanic game. The
players solemnly seat themselves
around a table, each with a lump of
sugar, and a curd bearing in plain let
ters ins responsible name and repre
senting so much money iu front of him,
and, with a sileut gravity that would
become a watch-meeting, and the illy
concealed anxiety of men staking
their all on the cast of a die. await
the advent of the first fly. On the
buzzing insect comes, sweeping now to
ward this lump,' theu veering off to
ward that, sending thrill after thrill
uf anticipated triumph or expected
disappointment through the frames of
the auxions wnthers. At last the ago
ny is over, ihe atomic insect, all un
conscious of the important part he is
playing, the reversals of fortune that
he is cuusing, settles lightly uron
particular lump of sacchyrine, and
twenty-nine disgusted meu lose from
$.3 to $25 each, while the delighted
representative of the sweet morsel
choBeu, scoops iu the whole pile. This
decides one 'baud' at the dignified
game which lias run poker, seveu
up, and 'iioston completely away
from the Springs, and another und an
other 'pot,' aud 'pots' ad infinitum are
made up and won and lost id the close,
hot room, while the deserted ladies are
languishing for a little male con versa
liou below.
A a rieuti ot mine, said .brskme,
"was Buffering from a continual wake
fill lies, and various methods were tried
to bring him sleep. At last his physi
cians resorted to . n expedient which
succeeded admirably. They dressed
him in a watchmau's coat, put a lau
tern iu his hand, placed him iu a sen
tiy-box, aud he wus asleep in ten min
There are but two kinds of tempo
rary insanity, and each has but a siu
gle symptom. The one was discover
ed by u coroner, the other by a law ver
The one induces you to kill yourself
when you are tired of life; the other
persuades you to kill some one else
w hen you are fatigued at seeiug him
about. .
According to an exchange, Mrs,
Humest, of illiuois, was latelj kicked
in the chin by a mule, causing her to
bile off the end of her tongue. Since
then, Mr Humest has been offered
thousands of dollars for that mule,
but stoutly declines all offers. lie
prizes that mule higher than anything
else on earth.
"Don't put too much confidence in
a lovers vows and sighs, said old
Mrs. Partington to her uiece; "let hira
tell you that you have lips like straw
berries aud cream, cheeks like a car
nation, and an eye like au asterisk ;
but such things olUuer come from a
tender head than a teudi r heart."
A rogue wus once begging charity
on pretence of being dumb. A lady
having asked him, with equal simplici
ty, iiow long he had been dumb, he
wus thrown off his guard and replied ;
"From birth, madam." "Poor fellow,"
said the lady, aud gave him a shilling.
A Wyoming husband advertises
himself as a monthly nurse. He says
his wife formerly supported the family
by that business, but since she acquir
ed the right to vote and sit ou juries
she does nothing but talk polities, and
so he in net keep the business up or
himself auJ the children will starve.
A "mother" says that she counted
twenty instances of poslive cruelty to
children, on the part of nurses, during
a walk the other afternoon iu Central
Park. Other mothers would do well
to look after their children's nurses a
little, and after their childreu also.
An ill-tempered contemporary says
that Pennsylvania should shake iu
her shoes at the uews of the discovery
of coal iu Rhode Island ; for, should
tho samo' prove middling thick, and
underlie the whole State, the produce
would be as much as seveu bushels.
The Detroit pupers have discovered
a new way of driving away the orgau
grinders, Every day or two thev have
a small paragraph like this: "Organ
grinders in Memphis make about ten
dollars a day."
A beggar has just been discovered
: u, I ...i -,. i:.. i.:
iii 'i. u'uio, v un, auri fiuni ma u-
cation for twe'ity years in conjunction
wilh his w ife, has turned out to be
' worth over J0,Him).
dies and as many geutlemen were em
panneled upon a murder case there,
and it became necessary to lock them
up all night. Three of the husbands
stormed and raved at the judge and a
halt dozen children made tho court
ring with their cries.' Tho uproar
continued until the jury was placed
under luck and key.
An "oracle" at New Orleans, dis
coursing on the wonders of the Missis
sippi, mentioned the iron coffin of De
Soto, containing the golden trumpet
given him by tucen ictoria. "V hat
exclaimed oue, "not Queen Victoria?
ny she asn t born then by two hun
dred years or mote." "I don't care if
she wasn't," was the bold reply, "I
reckon she could leave it in her will!
A clergyman who was recently dis
coursing; upon the alarming increase of
intemperance astonished his audieneo
hm exclaming, "A young man in my
neighborhood cied very suddenly last
Sunday while I was preaching the Gos
pel in a beastly state oi intoxication.
Mi ral c
-clergymen should study gram
A rich man sent to call a physician
for a slight disorder. The physician
felt his pulse, and said. " Do you eat
well?" "Yes," said the patient. "Do
you sleep well?" "I do." "Then,"
said the physician, "I Bhall give you
something to take away all that." So
like them, except the candor.
An Albany damsel asked one of
her fellow-boarders, a stylish dry
goods clerk, at tho breakfast table,
"Why is your moustache like my
back hair ?" Ho blushingly gave it
up, when the answer caused nira to
blush still more,"Because its all down."
"Why, Uncle Johnny," said his
friend, "can you afford to eat shad at
twenty-five cents a pound?" "Mine
Got," said Uncle Johnny, triumph
antly, "I can put hira in mine ice
ohest and keep him till he gets sheap
A gentleman traveling on a steam
er, one day at dinner was making
away with a largo pudding close by,
when he was told by a servant that it
was dessert. "It matters not to me,"
he said, "I would eat it if it were a
Elmira rats are not gifted with a
sup. rior order of intelligence if re
ports are true, They steal shoe pege
and stow them away under the delu
sion that they are oats a notable
example of moral and mental darkness.
A fellow was told that three yards of
cloth, being wet, would shrink a quar
ter of a yard. "Well then," he inquir
ed, "If you should wet a quarter of a
yard, would there be any left?"
"Bill," said Bob, "why is that tree
called the weeping willow?" "Cause
one of the sneaking plaugey things
grew near the school house, and sup
plied the master with switches."
Some one, describing a bad dinner
to which he had been invited, said
that the "meat was cold, the wine
was hot, and everything sour but tho
A Yankee being asked to describe
his wife, said : "Why, sir, she'd make
a regular fast, go-ahead steamer, my
wife would she has such a wonderful
talent for blowing up."
A Brooklyn mother advised her
daughter to oil her hair, and fainted
flat away when that candid damsel re
plied, "Oh, no, ma. It spoils the gen
tlemen's vests."
"I wish you had been Eve," said an
urchin to a stingy old aunt, proverbial
for her meanness. "Why so?" "Be
cause you would have eaten all the ap
ple instead of dividing it.
A cynical Frenchman says there are
always two parties to a love affair
the oue who loves, aud the oue who
consents to be so treated.
"I wonder what causes my eyes to be
so weak ?" said a fop to a gentleman.
" 1 hey are in a weak place, replied
tho latter.
Why is the first chicken of a brood
like the mainmast of a vessel ? Because
it is a little forward of the main hatch.
The man who sat down on an open
paper of carpet nails, said they remind
ed him of the income tax.
What an unlucky suitor did lie
wooed and she wouldn't. He cooed
and she couldn't.
The woman that makes good pud
ding iu silence is better thau oue who
makes a tart reply.
Switzerland Uanxious to know if its
mountain passes otier sufficient security
for a trifling loan.
Why is your chambermaid immor
tal? She returus to dust every day
without dying.
What word may be pronounced
quicker by addiug two more letter to
it? IJuick.
A painter advertises that he hat a
portrait of "Death as Urge as life."
The Mo(u)roing Air The "EW