The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, August 15, 1871, Image 1

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    Rates of Advertising.
One Square (1 inch,) one Insertion II
OnnSnuare " ono Dinntlk 00
U rUBLISIIED EVERT TUKSDAT, BT
W. R, DUNN,
2fllce In Krox'i Building, Elrr Street.
EPU
One Sonars 11 three month-.-
fnenqnare " one year iu w
Two bsiuares, one year 1 00
Quarter Col. - 0
Half " " ilW
One " " 100 09
TERMS, $2.00 A YEAR.
No Subscriptions received for a shorter
period tliun three month.
Correspondence solicited from all part
of the country. No notice will betaken of
unonymous communications.
Marriages and Death notice Inserted
gratis.
Baslnens Cardn. not exceeding on loch.
In length, $10 por year.
"fLet us have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN.
Legal notices at established rates.
T-l. 1 ,AW maA n r. m-t nt Inn
will be made, or discrimination among
patrons. The rates ottered are such, s
will make It to the advantaged men dot. g
tlUHllIMM ill thn limits of the circulation of
VOL. IV. NO. 19.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 1871.
$2 PER ANNUM.
the paper to advertise liberallv.
BMCAN
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONKSTALODGK.NO. 477,
I. O. Gk T.
(I feet every Wednesday evening, at 8
11 o'clock.
W. n. DUNN, W.C. T.
M. W. TATE, W. 8. .
fc, BWTOS PSTTIS. . MILKS W. TATS.
PETTIS A TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
X hn rf f, T 10 S EST A , PA .
Isaac Ash,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Ta.
Will practice In the various Courts of
k'oroat County. All business entrusted to
kit car will receive prompt attention.
18 ly
W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Office on Elm
(Street, above Walnut, Tionesta, Pa.
C W. Glinilan,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., 1'a. tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTORNEY aT LAW, Petroleum Cen
tre, Pa. Will practice In the several
Courts of Forost County. 35-ly
Holmes House,
nIONESTA, PA., opposite the Depot,
i. C. 1). Mablo, l'ropriotor. Good Hta
bling connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Throe doors north of Holmes
House, Tiouesta, Pa. All work is war
ranted. tf.
Syracuse House,
TlDTOUTr", Pa., J. A D Maokp., rroplo
tors. The house has been thoroughly
refitted and is now ia the tirst-class order,
with the best of aconminodationa. Any
tiformstlon concerning Oil Territory at
this point will De cneerruiiv rurnisnen.
-ly J. AD. MAUEE,
i Exchange Hotel,
LOWER TIDIOUTE, Pa., TVS. Rams
BKKL A How Prop's. This house having
been reh tod is no w t he most desi rable stop-
Jlng place In Tidioute. A good Billiard
loom attached. 4-ly
- '? National Hotel,
TRVINETON. PA. W. A. Hallenbaok.
. Proprietor. This hotel is Kkw, and Is
,ow open as a nrsi class nouse, situate ai
1 ne Junction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
. tiver and Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
'; pposite the I)oM)t. Parties having to lay
ver trains will tind this tho most conveni
ent hotel in town, with ft rut-class acconv
oodations and reasonable uliarges. tf.
Tifft Sons Sl Co. 'a
NEW ENGINES. The undersigned have
for sale and will receive orders for the
above Eneino. Messrs. Tifft Sons A Co,
are now sending to this market their 12
Ilorse Power Engine with 14-Horse Powor
Boiler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Ofkicks at Duncan A Chalfant's. dealers
In Well Fixtures. Hardware. Ac. Main St,
next door to CIirho House, IMcasautville,
and at Mansion Mouse, Titusviue.
tf. K. BRETT A SON, Agents,
John. K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
A Patents.No. 6(15 French stroetfopposite
Keed House) Erie, Pa. Will practice in
V theseveral State Courts and the United
, States Courts. Special attention given to
aolicillrg patents for Inventors ; infringe
ments, re-issue and extension of patents
carefully allemlou to. itelcrences: lion,
lames Oampbell, Clarion ; Hon. John S.
f i.'va..i,iin . tr T. A A Tl
Richmond, Meadvllle; W. E. Lathy.' Ti-
onosia. s f
Dr. J. L. Aconb,
piJ Y8ICIAN AND 8UROEON, who has
x nad nueen years- experience in a large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Ofllce in his Drue and
rocery Store, located in Tidioute, near
liaiouto itouse.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
?obacco. Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
ils. Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
11. R. BURGESS, an experienced Drug.
jiM from New York, has charge of the
"Stere. Ail prescriptions put up accurately,
tr.
' W. P. Mercllllott,
Attorney at L,w.
AND
111. A I. ENTATE AOEXT.
TIONESTA, PA.
' 71-St
JOHN A. OALI, eSEt'T.
0 nn A. MOPES, VICC PREtT. A. H. STEELE, CASHR
TIOZLsnEST-A.
SAVINGS BANK,
Tiouesta, Forest Co., Pa.
Tills Bank transacts a General Banking,
XJollecting and Exchange Business.
Drafts -tm the Principal Cities of tho
united states and rcuropo nought and sold,
Gold ami Silver Coin and Goveriimenl
Securities Ixmjrht and sold. 7-30 Bonds
converted on the most lavorable terms.
I n lor en t allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4, If.
SUT1CE.
"TR. J. N. BOLAR1), of Tidioute, has
-A-s returnsd to ins practico utter an au
Hence of four moutlis. spent in the lio.iiii
talsofNew York, where will alUmd
Cajls in his prolession.
Olllce in Eureka Drug Store, 3d doo
ibove the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4'Jtf
WANTED AGENTS FOR
Triumphs of Enterprise
BY JAMES rARTON.
A Now Book, 700 octavo pages, well
illustrated, intensely Interesting, and very
instructive. Exclusive territory givou.
Our Tends are the most Liberal. A Pply
to us, ana sco u tnev are uot. A.
HA LE A fO , Hertford, Conn.
ITtir.
GREAT EXCITEMENT!
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, St CO.,
Elm St., ioncsta Pa.
We are In dally receipt oi the arrest and
MOST COMPLETE stock
UltOCERIES
and
PROVISIONS,
EVER BROUGHT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
FOR TnE
MILLIONS!
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prices.
axd
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ac,, Ac, which we offer at greatly re
duced prices.
FURNITURE! FURNITURE ! !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER SETS,
LOUNGES,
WHATNOTS,
BPRING BEDS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and sco,
7-tI D. S. KNOX, A CO.
INSURAIS'CE
CO. OF NORTH "AMERICA,
No. 232 Walnut St Phila.
Incorporated 1794. Charter Perpetual
MARINE, INLAND & FIRE INSURANCE
Assets Jan; 1, lStiU, $2,3W.a3 39
$20,000,000 losses paid since Its organiza
tion. WM. BUHLEU, Central Agent,
Uarrisburg, Pa.
MILES W. TATE, Agent in Ti-
onesta, Forest County, Pa.
8 6m
REDUCTION OF PRICES
TO CONFORM TO
REDUCTION OF DUTIES
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS.
BY GETTING UP CLUBS.
,Send for our new Price List and a
Club Form will accompany it, containing
foil directions making a large saving to
consumer- and remunerative club organ
izers The CJrcnt American Tra
Company,
81 A 33 VEHEY STREET,
P.O. Box 6013. new yohk. 12 4t
500 VOLUME IN OXi;.
AGENTS WANTED
FOB
The Library of Poetry and Song,
Being Choice Selections from the Best
Poets, English, Scotch, Irish and Ameri
can. With an Introduction by
WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.
Under whoso critical supervision the
volume was compiled.
The handsomest and cheapest subscrip
tion book extant. Over Kuo paes, beauti
fully printed, choicely Illustrated, hand.
sonu'ly bound. A Library of over 5o0
volumes in one book, whose contents, of
no ephemeral nature or interest, will never
grow old it suite. It can be, aud w ill lie'
read and re-read with pleasure I y old and
young, us long as its Icavus hold togetluir.
''A pur feet surprise. Hcareely anything
all all a favorite, or at all worthy of place
here, is neglected. It is a book lor every
household." A'. 1". Mnil.
"tveknow of no similar collection in
the English language winch, in copious
ness and Iclicity of selection and arrange
ment, can at all compare with it." X. Y.
2'inies.
Terms lilieral. Selling very rapidly.
Send l'ur Circular ami Terms to
J. B. FORI) A CO.,
i Park place, N. Y.
June 6, lf-71.
SUBSCRIBE forth Forest Ropubliwrp
Josh Billings on Flize.
I hate a fli.
A fli has got no manners.
He ain't no gentleman.
He's an introodcr, don't rend no
kard, nor ax an introdiickehun, nor
don't knok at the frunt door, and nuv
cr, nuver thinks uv takin off his
hat.
Fust you know he is in bed with
you aud up yure nose tho what he
wants thare is a myatry and he in
vites hisself to breakfast and sets down
in yure butter without brushin his
pants.
He helps hisself to sugar, and meat,
and merlases, and bread, and pre
surves, enythiug, and don't wait for
no invitashun. He's got a good ap
petite, and jist as soon eat one thing as
another.
Tain't no use to challenge him for
takin liberties ; he keeps up a hostile
kumspondence with you, whether or
not, and shoots hisself at you like a
bullet, and ho nuvsr misses, nuver.
He'll kiss your wife 20 times a day,
and ziz zoo, and ridicule you if you
say a word, and he'd ruther you'd slap
at him than not ; he's a dodger of the
dodgrinist kine. Every time you slap,
you dou't slap him. but slap yourself,
and he zizzes and pints the hind leg of
skorn at you, till he aggravates you
to distrakshun.
He glories in lightin every pop on
the exact spot where you druv him
from, wich proves the intention to
tease you. Don't tell me he ain't got
no mind ; he knows what he is after.
He's got sense, and too much uv it tho
he never went to skool a day in his
life, ixcept in a supe dish.
H's a mean milliguant, owdashus
premeditated cufs.
His mother nuver paddled him with
a slipper. Ilia morrals wuz niglected,
and he lacks a good deal uv humility
mitely. He ain't bashful a bit, and I
doubt if he blushes ofting.
In fact, he was never fetched up a
tall.
He was born full-grown, he don't
git old uther things git old, but he
never gits old and he is imperfect
and mischievous to the the day of his
deth.
He droopz in cold weather, and you
kin mash him onto a window pain,
aud you've jest put yure finger in it.
He comes agin next yeer, and a heep
more with nim. Iain t no use.
One fli to a family might do for
amurement, but the good uv so many
flize I bo dogon ef I bin see, kin you?
I has thot much about flize, aud I
has iiotist how ofting they stop in thar
deviltry to comb thar heads and
skratcli thar nose with thar fourlegs,
and gouge thar arm-pits under thar
wings, and the tops uv thar wings with
thar lees.
Anl my kandid opinion is har, that
flize is lowzy, they eeches all the time,
is miserabul, aud that makes em bad
tempered, a'r.d want to make uther
pecpil miserabul too.
Lf that aint the floss fy of flizs, I
give up.
Altho a fli don't send in a kard, he
always leaves one, and I don t like it,
Taint pretty, if 'tis round. He kant
make a cross mark, only a dot, and he
is always dotting where thar aint no
i's. Thars no end to his periods, but
he never cums to a full stop. Sicb
handritin is uisagreeabul.
He's an artist, but his fresco and his
and his wall paperin I dont admire.
Thars too much sameness in his pat
terns. His specs is the only specs that
don't help the eyes. You kant see
t hroo um and you don't want to.
I hate a fli.
Darn a fli.
Under the head of Color vs. Brains
this statement is made: "The son of a
well known New Haven politician,
whose name begins with B., is a Fresh
man of Yale, aud was seated at recita
tion near the colored student, Bouchet,
whereupon the B. senior wrote to oue
of the I'rofessors.asking, as a personal
favor, that ho would change the young
man's seat, as it was distasteful to him
to sit near a negro. The Professor
wrote back that at present the students
were arranged iu alphabetical order,
aud it was not in his power to grant
the favor, but next term the desired
change would ba brought about, for
scholarship then being the criterion,
Mr. Bouchet will be in the first di
vision, aud your son in the fourth.'
The comment of a colored preacher
on the text : "It is more blessed to
give than to receive" is inimitable for
its poiut as well as eloquence : "I've
known many a church to die 'cause it
didn't give enough, but I neber know
ed a church to die 'cause it gave too
much. Dey dou't die dut way. Bred
eru, has any of you knowed a church
to die 'cause it gave too much? If you
do just let tne know and I'll muke a
pilgrimage to that church, aud I'll
climb by de soil light ob de moon, up
de moss covered roof ;aud I'll stand
dar, and lilt my hands to Heaven and
say, "Blessed are de dead dut die iu de
Lord I"
"Prisoner, why dirt you follow this
nrun, aud bout and kick him so shame
fully?" "I am sorcy, your honor; I
wus a little drunk, aud I thought it
I was mv wife."
Kicked by a Mule.
Jake Johnson had a mule. There
was nothing remarkable in the mere
fact of his being the possessor of such
an animal, but there was something
peculiar about the mule. He the an
imal could kick hiaher, hit harder,
on the slighest provocation, and act
uglier than any mule on record.
One morning riding his property to
market, Jake met Jim Boggs, against
whom he had an ofd but concealed
grudge. He knew Boggs' weakness
lay in bragging and betting; there
fore, he saluted him accordingly.
'How are you, Jim? Fine morn
ing?" "Hearty squire," replied Jim. "Fiue
weather. Nice mule that you have.
Will he do to bet on ?"
"Bet on ? Guess he will that. I tell
you Jim Boggs, he's the best mule in
this country Paid $500 for him."
"Great smash ? Is that so ?" ejacu
lated Jim.
"Solid truth, every word of it. Tell
you confidentially, Jim, I'm taking
him down for betting purposes. I bet
he can kick a fly off from any man
without its hurting him."
"Now, look here, squire," says Jim.
"I am not a betting character, but I'll
bet you something on that myself."
"Jim there's no use; don't bet, I
don't want to win your money."
"Don't be alarmed, squire, I'll take
such bets as them every time."
"Well, if you are determined to bet,
I will risk a small stake say five dol
lars." "All right, squire, you're my man.
But who'll he kick the flyofl ? There
is no one here but you and I. You try
it."
"No," says Johnson ; "I have to be
by the mule's head to order him."
"Oh ! ya8s," says Jim. "Then prob
ably I'm the man. Wall, I'll doit;
but you are to bet ten against my five,
if I risk it."
"All right," quoth the squire. "Now
there is a fly on your shoulder. Stand
still." And Johnson adjusted the mule;
"What, Jervy, said he.
The mule raised his heels with such
velocity and force that Boggs rose in
the air like a bird, and alighted on all
fours in a muddy ditch, bang up
ngainst a rail fence.
Rising, in a towering rage, he ex
claimed: "Yass, that is smart I I knew
your darned mule couldn't do it. You
Lad that all put up. I wouldn't be
kicked like that for fifty dollars. You
can just fork over them are stakes for
it any way."
"Not so fast, Jim ; Jervy did just
what I said he could ; that is, kick a
fly off a man without its hurting him.
1 ou Bee the mule is uot injured by the
opreation. However, if you are not
satisfied, we will try it again, as often
as you wish."
"The deuce take you," growled Jim.
"I'd rather have a barn fall on me at
once than have that crittei kick me
again. Keep the stakes, but don'tsay
anything about it."
And Boggs trudged on in bitterness
of soul, murmuring to himself, "Sold,
by thunder! and kicked by a mulel"
Lady who is canvassing for a c'toir
at the village church "I hope, Mrs.
Giles, you will persude your husband
to join us. I am told he has a very
sonorous voice." Mrs. Giles "Asnor
ous voice, roarm? Ah t you should
hear it a comin' out of his nose when
he's asleep."
A dyspeptic and melancholic young
professional man once bewailed his
prospects to a friend, and said he
"didn't see how he should ever get
through the world." "Did you ever
know any one to stop on the way?"
was the grave and consoling reply.
"Now, Ichabod," said an aged New
Hampshire matron to her son, who
was about to sail for the Black Sea,"
don't you go in swimming in that sea
you're agoing to, 'cause I don't waut
you to come home a blackamoor, if
negroes are allowed to vote."
A lady was examining an applicant
for the oflice of "maid of all work,"
when she interrogated her as follows :
"Well, Mary, can you scour tin ware
with alarcity?" "No, ma'am," replied
Mary, "I always scour them with
sand."
"Won't you take hrlf of this poor
apple?" said a pretty damsel. "No, I
thank you. I would prefer a better
half." Eliza blushed, and referred
the young man to her papa.
A California politician says that the
path of rectitude has been travelled so
little in that Slate, of lute years, that
it has all run to grass.
An old lady in Maine thinks a com
pass would be the best sewing machine,
because she's heard it has a needle
with thirty-two points.
The gentleman whose countenance
fell on hearing of the loss of his prop,
erty, is beginning to pick a bit, and
hopes soon to put a good face ou it.
Bald-headed, meu take a joke more
easily because they are uot at the
trouble of getting it through their
hair.
Waves that are harmless The
waves of ladies' handkerchief?.
Story of False Teeth.
Pays a Vermont correspondent :
Among the drollest things in traveling,
are the scraps of conversation one
catches unavoidably. Just listen with
me to the following, between two styl
ish looking girls sitting opposite me
while waiting for the train at White
River Junction : "Yes I'll admit he's
nice looking, but he has false teeth 1"
smiling and showing her own mouth
full of natural pearls "Well what if
he has ? False teeth are better than
none, that is if they keep iu the place
they are destined for. Ha 1 ha 1"
laughing musically that reminds roe,
did I ever tell you cousin Kate's ad
venture when she was stopiDg with us
when papa kept the N hotel ? There
was an insurance agent boarding at
the house a tremendous flirt, al
though he had a wife and half a doz
en children down in the country, and
a tremendous bore as agents always
are, trying to make themselves so fa
miliar and agreeable that they are a
positive nuisance. Kate, you know,
is very pretty and he got sight of her
as she went out and in, and was de
termined to make her acquaintance;
but it was never quite convenient for
pupa to bring him iu and introduce
him so we kept clear of him for Borne
time, But at last he managed to find
out cur breakfast hour, and used to
come in at the same time for his own,
insead of eating with the rest of the
boarders. We were terribly annoyed,
but could not very well help ourselves,
and so laid it all to Kate, and had
what fun out of it we could. One
morning he came in and took a seat
by Kate, as usual, and commenced
talk, and bless me ! how ha would talk 1
All he had to do was to open his
mouth, and he opened it a littler wider
than common as he said, "Good morn
ing ah. How do you find yourself
r. m; v-i- .i. ii a ...i
who luuiuui, iiiioo naiD an i nuu
out went his full upper set of false
teeth smack into Kate's coffee. Can
you imagine it? It took me so entire
ly by surprise that I didn't think of
the proprieties at all, but screamod
with laughter. Kate tried to be her
own proper dignified self, but my mer
riment was contagious. Mamma had
an errand in the china closet, and pa
pa business in the oflice immediately.
You never saw any one so crest-fallen.
He took a spoon and fished out his
property awkwardly enough, and left
room ; we were never troubled with
his company again.
A woman on the track waving her
apron violently in the air I lheenin
sees her just as he is about rounding a
curve! Ihe train is stopped in its
swift rush toward destruction, and the
rescued passengers learn that she
is the engineer's wife, and that she
wants to remind him to bring her a
pound of butter from town and some
new socks for the baby.
A Troy paper gives the following
sad result of the lack of a street
sprinkler: "Miss Smith sailed forth in
the morning with a beautiful pearl
and rose complexion. By noon she
was brown as an Egyptian mummy
the gentle rain had cut ravines and
gutters in her cheeks, and made a war
map round her mouth."
"I shall die happy," said the expir
ing husband to the wife, who was weep
ing most dutifully by the bed side, "if
you promise me not to marry that ob
ject of my increasing jealousy, your
cousin John." "Make yourself quite
easy about that, I am engaged to his
brother," said the expectant window.
A wealthy gentleman who owns a
country seat recently lost his wife, who
fell into a river which flows through his
estate. He announced the narrow es
cape to his friends, expecting their
congratulations. One of them, an old
bachelor, wrote as follows: "I always
told you that river was too shallow."
"Why is it" said a teacher to ascape
grace.who had caused her much trouble
by bad conduct, "you behaved so well
when you first came to school, and are
so disoSedient now?" "Because," said
young hnpeful, looking up into the
teacher's face, "I wasn't much acquiut
ed then."
A Chicago man presented bis wife
with a block of wood in token of his
admiration. She receive it on the fore
head, and was so overcome by grati
tude that she fainted away. The gen
erous husband has also given (23 to
the police justice.
Some men are like cats. You may
stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring; butac
cideutly tread on the tail, and all
memory of former kindness is obliter
ated. 'This world is all a fleeting show,'
said a priest to a culprit ou the gal
lows. 'Yes,' was the prompt reply,
'but if you have no objection I'd like
very much to .e the show a little
louger.'
How does a pitcher of water differ
from a man throwing his wile over a
bridge? One is water in the pitcher,
aud the other is pitch her .u the water.
Tho Duke of Moutpensier, a Span
ish journal says, "is us bold as a ple
beian, vain ai a noble, rich as a kinir."
Rather Snug.
We now proceed to fulfill our prom
ise to bring home to the Tammany
Ring, and more particularly to Con
nolly and Mayor Hall, a clear case of
swindling. That is the proper word to
describe the transaction, and is indeed
the only word, and thsrefore we have
no hesitation in using it. If Mayor
Hall and Controller Connolly object
to being branded as thieves and swin
dlers, as we once more brand them
now, they can sue us for libel, aud we
will prove our charges in a court of
law. Y hat is more we will prove our
charge by njpans of Controller Con
nolly's own books. It will not do for
Hall to try and sneak out by saying
that he is "used to newspaper attacks."
We do not attack him now on political
grouuds, or in wild language but we
call him a thief because we can prove
him to be one. iV. x. Time.
"Certainly" If small girls are
waifs, are large ones wafers? ''Certain
ly," says sweet sixteen ; "at least the
the boys have the habit of applying
them to their lips in sealing their
vows. .
An Elmira editor, speaking of the
marriage of a brother quill, says: "Its
sad, however, this parting with old
mends. One by one they drop oil and
double up."
"I see him on his winding way,"
said Mrs. Toddles, as she saw Mr. Tod
dles corkscrewing his way home, just
as the evening star showed its silver
eye in the firmament.
"Oft" she gone," said a lady, sprcak
ing of the train as it was starting.
"You have mistaken the gender, mad-
em," a gentleman said : "this is a mail
tram.
"Didvou sav that I lied, sir?" "I
did." "You used the word lied ?" "I
did.'' "There is no doubt about that?'
"None in the least." "What a pity !"
An Omaha paper advises the peo
ple 'not to make such a fuss about the
shooting of one constable, as the.e are
over forty candidates for the position.'
'Rarer than the Phoenix,' says De
Quincey, 'is the virtuous man who
will consent to lose a good anecdote
because it is a lie. (
"You want nothing, do you?" said
Pat. "Bed ad ! an' if it's nothing you
want, you'll find it in the jug where
the whiskey was I
Why does a coat get larger when
taken not of a carpet-bag? Because
when you take it out you'll fiud it in.
creases.
Whatever Midas touched turned in
to gold. In these days, touch a man
with gold and be 11 turn into anything,
A writer on school discipline savs
'Without a liberal use of the rod it is
impossible to make boys smart.'
"Will you have me, Sarah?' said a
young man to a modes girl. 'JNo, John
UUb j UU IHU IIBIO UJC, 14 JVJU till.
A man who has repeatedly tried
them say that all tne short cuts to for
tune are horribly overcrowded.
Mr. Ron having died out West, the
other day, aged ninety, a serious wag
asks, "Who 11 care lor mother, now?
"Gently the dews are o'er me steal
ing," as the man said when he had five
due bills presented to him atone time.
It is at the approach of dinner time
that we feel most sensibly 'the empti
ness of things below.'
A Dandy on shore is disgusting to
many people, but a swell of tho sea
sickens everybody.
The more cautious and careful the
sailor, the more he is likely to make a
wreck less record.
A young man's affections are not
always wrong, but they are generally
miss placed.
Many young men are so improvi
dent they caunot keep anything but
late hours.
When a person declares that his
braiu is on fire, is it etiquette to blow
it out?
The sale of Woodhull & Clafiin'a
Weekly has been prohibited iu Ger
many. Is there anything in the world (hat
can beat a good wife ? Yes, a bad hus
band, A housekeeper says there is no veni
son iu the markets, but plenty of dear
meat.
When is a small fish-pond like a
bird-cage? When there's a perch iu
it.
What piece of carpentry becomes a
gem as soon as it is tiiiiehcd ? A gate,
lu Euglund they give concerts for
the promotion of wiudow gardening.
The way to get a good wife is to
take a good girl aud go to a miuister.
"Should auld acquaintuuee bo fur
got?" Not if they have money.
Iu Tennessee a hotel keeper is call
ed a 'hath mill boss.'
Name fur u druggist's wifo Auu
I El in.
Foreign Items
Ducrot, the prominent French gen
eral, was formerly a dancing master.
The Gaulois is now the French dai
ly newspaper of tho largest circula
tion.
General Bourbaki is insane, and is
now an inmate of the lunatic asylum
at Charenton.
All the journeymen shoemakers in
Germany have been on a strike for
some time past.
Georee Sand was a nurse in the Taris
hospitals during the insurrection of
the Communists.
La Situation, Napoleon's London
organ, will suspend publication on the
nrst ot July next.
Minnie Hauck, the American can-
tatrice, has been engaged for life at
Royal Opera in Berlin.
Alexandre Dumas, Jr., has purchas
ed a housa at Seville, and will per
manently reside in that city.
Dr. Von Schweitzer .the leader of die
German socialists, and a prominent
German dramatist, is dead.
The Roman Countess di Gianotta
has turned Protestant, and has been
excommunicated by the Pope.
The Crown-Prince of Austria saved,
the other day, his father's life during
a hunt in the mountains of the Tyiol.
Dollincer. the celebrated Bavarian
adversaryof the infallibility dogma, 3
one ot the leading vegetarians in uer
raany. Wrolewski, one of the leaders of
the Parisian Communists.was formerly
the court pianist of the Emperor cf
Brazil.
Faul Feval's death was caused by
the shock he recieved upou hearing
that his son had fallen in front of
Fort Vanvrcs. '
All of the valuable historical docu
ments of Adolpho Thiers were saved
at the destruction of his house by the
Communists.
Archbishop Darboy was greatly dis
liked by the Empress Eugenie, and but
for her influence would have been
cerated a cardinal. 1
The Archduchess Sophia, the mother
of the EmperorMaximilian of Mexico,
has ordered a statue of her ill-fated son
in Carrarian marble. .
At a horticultural fair held in Ber
lin, the Crown-Princess Victoria re
ceived the first prize for strawbereiea
raised on her farm near Potsdam.
Prince Bismarck has recently told
several deputations that were sent to
him, that he was getting old., and that
his health was by no means good.
The Queen of England has at last
consented to eat mutton chops at
breakfast; she having steadily refused
them since the death of the Prince
Consort.
Megy, the Communist chief of the
Parisian police, obtained his notoriety
by shooting, during the second empire,
a policeman who entered his house for
the purpose of arresting him.
HofT, the German "malt extract"
seller, spends every year three hundred
thousand dollars for advertising. He
is worth two million dollars, which he
made in the last twenty years.
Bishop Ketteler, of Mayence, now
the great leader of the infallibilista. in
Germany, was formerly an officer of
hussars, and still bears in his face the
marks of a sabre-duel which ho ought
about twenty years ago..
The reoeipt which Carl Scburz gave
in November 1850, for the money he
used for the purpose of delivering Pro
lessor Gottfried Kinkel from the pen
itentiary of Spandau, near Berlin, was
receutly sold in the latter city for $75.
The Marquis deGalifTet, whose love
affairs made him so notorious during
the second empire, and who was the
lent by Marshal Forey to present the
keys of the city of Mexico to the Em
peror Napoleou HI., is now assistant
adjutant general of Marshal MacMa
hou. Colonel Theodore Stoflet, Napoleon's
confidential military ageut, whose re
ports from Berlin previous to toe
breaking out of the war have attracted
so much attention, has committed ?ui
cido at Verviers, in Belgium. He took
a dose of Paris green, aud died iu
great suffering.
A curious fact is, that about thirty
thousand foreigners served in the army
of the Parisian Communo. According
to the Gaulois, eighteen thousand of
them were Garibuldiuns; seven tli 'iis
aud English and Irish Feniaus; twelve
hundred Greeks; six huudred Ameri
cans; and six hundred Germans, bpuo
lards, aud others.
The commissioners charged with the
duty of examining tho educational in
stitutous of Rome havo reported that
those institutions were iu a condition,
that could hardly be equalled in auy
civilized country. Tho Roman Univer
sity had no library at all, aud among
its professor wert'ew who could writq
Italian eorrertlv.