Hates of Advertising.
Forest Republican.
One Snnnre (1 Inch.) one Insert!o fl f
1 It "rtBLISIIKD', tVI-.tlY TUESDAY, BY
W. R. DUNN,
JtOet la HLripx's Bulldlrg, Klrr Street.
OneM'iunre ono month
One Square " three months... n (
One Square " one year 10 0
Two Squares. one rear IS
Quarter Col. " :W
Half " " "
One " " - 100
TERMS, $3.00 A YEA n.
Wo Subscriptions rocelvod fur a shorter
period than threo month.
Correspondence solicited from nil part
of the country. No notice will bo taken of
nnonynioun communications,
Marriages and Death notices Inserted
gratia.
Business Cards, not exceeding one iaeta
In length, 10 per year.
M Lot us have Faith that Right makes Might ; and in that Faith let us to the end, dare do our duty as we understand if-LINCOLN.
Legal notices at established rates.
T'l. n I ... .ml fin 1 AV laf tfl
.Ilt l.a ,a.lr. .... l ', a ,! m ! II ttt i fin AlllOn
itrons. The' rates otlored are such, v
VOL. IV. NO. 17.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, AUGUST 1, 1871.
$2 PER ANNUM.
in mime i hi nuTmiwi ... ...... F
business in the limits ofthe circulation of
the irniier to ailvertise liberallv.
I..:"
j
if
1i
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
TIONKSTA LODGE, NO. 47 7,
i.'o. a-, t.
A f eeta erery Wednesday evening, at 8
111. o'clock.
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
Ss TV. TATE, W. a. -
. IIWTtJI PETTIS. KILB8 W. TATB.
PKTTIS TATE, '
. ' ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Aim rMl, TIONESTA, PA.
Isaac Ash,
ATTORNEY AT liAW, mi City, Pa.
Will practice In the various Courts of
Forest County. , All bullions entrusted to
kl rare wiU receive prompt attention.
18 ly ,
W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Office on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tionesta, Pa.
C. W. GUflllan,
TTORNET AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
L naogo Co., Pa. . . tf.
N. B. Smiley,
ATTORNEY aT LAW, Vetrolenm Can
trt. Pa. Will practice In the several
Qearta of Forest County. 85-ly
Holme House,
a'lONKSTA, TA., opposite the Tlepot.
C. D. Mable, Proprietor. Good Hta
WLlog connected with the house. tf.
Jos. Y. Saul,
', PRACTICAL Ilarneas Maker and 8ad
' JT dltr. Three doora north of Holmes
1 House, Tionesta, Pa. All work la war
ranted, tf. I
Syracuse House,
T1DIOTJTF, Pa., J. A T) Maokk, Prople
tors. The house ha lieeu thoroughly
retltted and is now ia the tlrst-class order,
with the beet of accommodation. Any
formation concerning Oil Territory at
Wis point will be cueoriuliv turnisnon.
ly J.Al). MAG RE,
' Exchange Hotel,
T OWKR TIDTOL'TE. Ta.. D. S. Rams
' Lj dkp.l A Sos Prop's. This house having
leen rented is now the mostaesirantesuip
pi n Diane In Tidioute. A auod Billiard
Room attached. 4-ly
- . . . . national Hotel,
TRYINETON, PA. W. A. Ilallenback,
.'. . Proprietor. This hotel la Naw, and is
.ow open aa a ft rut class house, situate at
te junction oi 'ne uu .reea v Aiieanen;
, Aiverand Philadelphia A Krio Railroads,
pposlte the Depot. Parties having to lay
or trains will find this the most conven-
ent hotel In town, with ftrst-clasa aoeom-
nodatlons and reasonable charges, tt.
Tiftt Sons St Co.' i - ;
NEW ENGINES. The undersigned have
for sale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Ti fit Hons A Co,
are now sending: to this market their 12-
Horse Power Engine with 14-Horse Power
Boiler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
Omens at Duncan A Chalfant s, dealers
la Well Fixtures. Hardware. Ac. Main St
ext door to Chase House, Pleaaantvllle,
aad at Mansion House, Tltusviue.
tf. K. BRETT A SON, Agents,
John. K. Hallock,
A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor of
XI fatenta.No. fios Krench street(opposite
13 1 XI I.-..!.. T Will In
1HRKI H WUW, f V IV, mt , lit IHW.IHW
theanveral State Courts and the United
Ntates Cou rta. ISpecinl attention given to
soliciting patents for Inventora ; infringe
ments, re-issue and extension of patents
oareniily attenuod to. tuilcrenoes: lion
, - ..i.n rti..-t,... . u ... T ,.1, .. u
KII I nillllll, 3 ItlllVill i IIV'II, WUU M,
McCalmoKt. Frarklin; II. L. A A. H.
Ricbmoud, MeaJS ill ; W. E. Lathy. Ti-
nesia. il
. Dr. J. L. Acom.b,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
had ttfteen years' experience In a larfre
and BuceeaHful practine, will attend all
Professional Calls. Olllce In hta Drug and
Orooerr Htore, located in Tidioute, near
Tidioute House. ,
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment ef Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco. Cisars. Stationery. Glass. Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and hue Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
II. R. BURGESS, an experienced Prntr,
ajat from New York, has charge of the
IHfl V. Alt lll;i IJlklUIIB UV u mvv, ... "ivij ,
ir.
' W. P. Merctlllott,
ittoraey aft Law.
. AND
BE AX ESTATE AOEXT.
- TIO NESTA, rA.'
tr-af , ,
JOHN A. OALI, PRU T.
aa A. eaopis, vici prist, a. M.TttL, cashs.
TIOUESTA
.SAVINGS BANK,
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
Thla Bank transacW a (Jencral Banking,
t.'ollecting and ixchange liusiuess.
Drafts tu the l'lincipal .Cities of (I
Gold and Nilvr Coin and GoveriiHient
Sei-urities bought and sold. 7-:) lSoiuls
converted on the most lavoramo icrius.
Interest allowed ou time deposits.
- Mar. 4, tf.
DR. J. N. BOLARD, of Tidioute, has
returnsd to his prartiro alter ail ab
sence of four months, spent in the lio. pl
talsofNew York, where will altrnid
calls in his profusion.
Uiltce in Eureka Drug Store, Sil dir
above the bunk, Tidioutu, Pa. 4'Jlf
WANTED AGENTS FOR
Tpltftnphs of ECatepprtse,
BY JAMES PARTON.
s A New Book, 700 octavo pages, well
illustrated, iiitcnsoly iiilcrosting, and very
instructive. Exclusive territory given.
Our Terms are the most Liberal. Apply
to us. and stte il tluv are nut. A. K.
Ull.ll Y., Uartwiril, Conn.
GREAT EXCITEMENT!
at theStore of
D. S. KNOX, it. CO.,
Elm St., ionesta Pa.
-a
We are In daily receipt 01 tlie orgeat and
MOST COMPLETE stock
(mocEKirs
and
PROVISIOXS,
EVER BROUGHT TO THISMAIKKT
BOOTS & SHOES !
FOR TUB
MILLIONS!
whiah we are determined to sell regardless
of prices.
; AND
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ac, Ac,, Ac., which we offer at greatly re
duced pr.iooa.
FURNITURE! FURNITURE ! !
of all kinds,
PARLOR SUITS,
CHAMBER SETS, .
LOUNGES
WHATNOTS, -SPRIN6
BEDS,
MATRESSES,
LOOKING GLASS
ES, Ac., Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and ace,
7-tf D. S. KNOX, A CO.
INSURANCE
CO. OF NORTH AMERICA,
No. 232 Walnut St Fhila.
Incorporated 1794. Charter Perpetual
MARINE, INLAND 4 FIRE INSURANCE
$20,000,000 losses paid since Its organiza
tion. WM. HUULtll, central Agent,
Harrisburg, Pa.
MILES W. TATE, Agent in Ti
onesta, Forest County, Pa.
8 0m
REDUCTION OF PRICES
TO CONFORM TO
REDUCTION OF DUTIES
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS.
BY GETTING UP CLUBS.
TE,Send for our new Price List and a
Club Form will accompany it, containing
fuil directions inakiiix a large saving - to
consumer- and remunerative club organ'
leers
The Great American Tea
Company,
31 A 33 VESEY STREET,
P. O. Box 5643. MfW Yokk. 12-4t
50O VOLlTMi: IX OXE.
AGENTS WANTED
FOR
The Library of Poetry and Soag,
Iteing Choice Selec'ions from the Best
Poets, English, Scotch, Irish aud Ameri
can, n nil an introuucuoii uy
WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.
Under whose critiral supervision the
volume was compiled.
The handsomest and cheapest suhscrip
tion book extant. Over hoo panes, beauti
fully printed, choicely illustrated, hand
somely bound. A Library of over 5uO
volumes in one book, whose contents, of
no ephemeral nature or interest, willnever
grow old rr stale. It can lie, and will be
read and re-read with pleasure by old and
young, as long as its leaves hold together.
"A perfect surprise Si an elv anything
all all a favorite, or at all worthy of place
here, Is neglocted. It is a book lor every
household." A'. 1'. M'tH.
"eknnw of no similar collection In
tho English language which, in copious
ness and felicity of selection and arrange
ment, can at all compare with it." -V. I'.
Times.
Terms Ulieral. Selling very rapidly.
Seud lor Circular and Terms to
J. 11. FOKI) A CO.,
Zi Park I'luce, X. Y.
Juno 0, 171.
SUBSCRIBE for the Forost ltapubUorn
R-w4T1 fwy:
Sturgeon in Harnett,
Two citizens of Eaeton, Pa., Mr.
Samuel Phillippt and Col. J. R. Sit-
greaves, have for many years enter-
tained the notion that sturgeons might
be so managed as to draw a pleasure
boat. For the last three summers they
have keen making experiments to
solve the problem, and at last have
succeeded, lhe mode ot procedure
been every spring when the sturgeons
have made tliir way up the Delaware
as high as Bristol to buy a pair, and
towing them from behind a boat on
the Lehigh Canal to bring them to
Lehigh dam, where these gentlemen
have a boat house and a pond enclosed
for their aquatic ponies.
The mode of harnessing the stur
geons is peculiar. A broad India-rub'
ber band encircling each hsh just be-
hind the pectoral hn has a brass ring
attached on top. Through these rings
a stout ashen pole about eight feet
long is insert ad, and to two staples in braiding ot an elderly gentleman to
the pole the traces are fastened. There his son for too frequent dissipating un
it also a narrow cum elastic band . the dawn "chased the session oi the
around each sturgeon, just behind the
dorsal fin, with a loop in the side bold-.
ing the opposite ends of a much slight-,
er pole, to compel them to twim at a ,
regular distance irom each other. Mr.
Pliillippi, who acts as driver, has hit
seat in the bow. and directs their
course with a goad, which it a long '
pole, and thick at one't wrist, with a ,
sharp spike sticking but at right angles ;
from the end, aud it is surprising with
what alacrity they obey. When they
are to be turned to the right or left, a .
suddtn prick on the opposite side of,
each sturgeon causes the pair to take
the desired course. When a greater
speed is disired they are pierced near
the trail ; when they are required to
halt the goad is reached forward, and
they are pricked in front of the head.
There was much difficulty at first in
preventing the fish from seeking the
bottom aud drawing the boat under.
They were consequently driven in wa
ter not over tour teet deep. Dr. black,
however, an eminent fish-culturUt in
the neighborhood, who had travelled
in Egypt and had observed the mode
of mauagiug sturgeon attached to
boats on the Nile, overcame the diffi
culty. He had two large hollow floats
made in the shape of swans, and paint
ed white to resembU those birds. To
each of these floats a cord of three
feet was attached and fastened Into the
rings on the pole to which the tracea
are made fast; the wooden twaot thus
serving an ornamental as well as a
useful purpose. To create the delusion
that the boat is drawn by swans, a
pair of gay reins reach from the bird
like floats to the bow. The boat is
shaped like a shell, and Col. Sitgreaves,
sitting in the stern with his trident
which be frequently carries is no bad
representation of Neptune. His Pal
inurus, Sammy Phillipdi, who keeps a
fast team, is as skillful in directing
the course of the aqueous steeds as he
is in driving the pair on the road.
Love of the Beautiful.
Place a young girl under the care of
a kind-hearted, graceful woman, and
she, unconscious to herself, growl into
a graceful lady. Place a boy in the
establishment of a thorough going,
straight forward business man, and he
becomes a selt-reliaut, practical busi -
nAatt man l'lnlH,.n a m iiufliihl Kl a
creatures, and circumstances, - anS
scenes, aud actions always impress, as
you influence them, not by arbitrary
rules, nor by stern example aloue but
in a thousand other ways that tpeak
through beautiful forms, pretty pic
tures, etc., so they will grow.
Teach your children, then, to love
the beautiful. Give them a corner in
the garden for flowers, encourage them
to put it in the shape of hanging bas
kets ; allow them to have their favor
ite trees ; teach them to wander in the
prettiest woodlets , show them where
they can best view the sunset; rise
them in the morning, not with ttcru
"time to work I" but with the enthusi
astic "see tho beautiful sunrise!" buy
for them pretty pictures, and encour
age them to decorate their rooms in
his or ber childish way. Give them
an inch and they will go a mile. Allow
them a privilege, aud they will make
your home beautiful.
Hampton Court, London, waa once
the scene of asingular epidemic. Oue
Sunday a youthful beauty fainted, and
handsome Sir Horace Seymour carried
her out. The following Sunday anoth
er fair damsel was similarly attacked,
and bir Horace, with like gallantry,
sprang to her relietl And thus the
epidemic went on. So successive
beauties fainted, and the handsome
Horace carried them successively out,
till he grew tired of bearing such
sweet burdens. An announcement was
made that in future all swooning
nymphs would be carried out of the
chapel by the dustinuu, whereupon the
uiuludy rapidly disappeared.
A Cincinnati)!!) whose whose read
ing of Greeley's "What I Know About
Funning," drove him into agricultural
pursuits, says: "No wonder Caiu kill
ed his brother. He was a tiller of the
f round. The wonder is that he didn't
ill his fut her, and then weep because
i h hadn't a grandfather to kill."
Put Yourtelf in Her Place.
A young lady visiting in New York,
the grand daughter of a Massachusetts
statesman, same home recently from a
ball, and kidding her good nigbt at
the door, proceeded, as she supposed,
to her chamber. To her consternation
on turning up the gas, she discovered
a number of trifles scattered about
' that told as plainly as inanimate things
could tell that she was in the apart
ment of a luxurous young bachelor.
At the moment of this discovery she
was horrified to hear a heavy step in
the hall, which was apparently coming
toward the room into which the young
lady had so unfortunately blundered,
j Following the impulse of her mind,
; she locked the door on the intide, and
toon heard a hand trying the lock.
one remained as quiet as a summers
day belore a shower, and in a moment
heard a tempest of words issue from
entry, which were evidently the up-
stars from the night." Receiving do
answer the voice gradually died away
in the distance with murmurings about
bringing a mother's hairs, in aonow
to the grave, and then the young lady,
quickly unlocking the door, glided
noiselessly down the stairs, through
the front vestibule into the street,
theace to her own house, which waa in
the next block.
Now, mark the sequel, which points
points a moral for all believers in
black spirits and white, red spirits and
gray, lhe possessor ot the voice re
ferred to above an elderly gentleman
of unquestionable respectability, and
who was never known to make a joke
in his life asserted that on a certain
night, at the hour when the church
yards yawn and graves give their dead,
he was anxiously awaiting the arrival
of his son, when he heard the front
door of his residence open ano tome
one enter the young gentleman's room.
He immediately ascended, to have an
interview with his boy, but he found
the bedroom door locked, and there
was no response to hit knock. Subse
quently he saw a tight that chilled hit
blood. A female figure in shadowy
robes glideed out of the apartment
and down the stairs, and about an
hour afterward his son came home ut
terly ignorat of the mysterious occur
rence. After believing for a time that
there were more thiugs in heaven and
earth than we dream of in your phi
losopy, pater families was informed by
the pretty ghost herself how she inad
vertenly found herself in a delicate
poeition.aod how her woman's wit got
her outof it. Boston Gotettt.
A Story with a Moral.
The New York Journal of Commerce
lays that dealer iu pork has a pre
cocious son who it an expert in cards,
and, in playing with his young com
panions was seldom ou the losing side,
lie began at first to bet on the game,
aud ere long could play regular for
: . I i I ' , , .
money wiwi any oi nia age uiipotea to
take the risk, lie came home one day,
bringing several dollars, which he had
. Rcqulred in ui gmall way of gaming,
j aud exhibited his gaius to his lather
j with ite an air of triumph- The
; thoughtful parcut shook his head and
1 tod lig UD tiat the m wag Dot
. . .
"But I did not cheat," said the boy.
' I hope not," replied the father,
"But did you give the loser any equiv
alent whatever for it?"
The boy hung his head, and the
parent added :
"Money is honestly acquired when
there is an exchange of products or
services, aud the receiver gives an
equivalent for it; to take another
man's property and give him no equiv
alent for it, is to rob or cheat him." .
A tew mouths after, the father came
home from the Produce Exchango
with an elated aspect, and announced
that he had settled his speculative con
tracts in pork by the receipt of fifty
thousand dollars. Tl'. son eyed him
steadily a moment, and then said:
"What did you give the other man,
father, as an equivalent ler the mon
ey?" Ain't Got 'em! Threeof the dirti
est, most rngged little ragamuffins in
this city eutered oue of the magnifi
cent drug stores in our place. March
ing up to the counter, one said :
"1 waut a etui's worth of rock-can-dy."
"Get out, you ragamuffins! we don't
sell a cent's worth of rock randy f"
Slowly and sadly they filed out of
the store. On the sidewalk a consulta
. tion took place. They re-entered the
door.
"Mister, do you sell three cents'
worth of rock caudy?"
"Yes."
"Well, we ain't got 'em ;" and the
procession moved out again. l'.x.
While wading though a bucketful
of sloppy "original pot-try," an east
ern cotemporary sighs "for the time
whon young people will cultivate the
poetic art, as many of them do music,
merely as a private accomplishment,
to be hushed up in the family and
4 among friends."
Good Story of a "Boston Party."
A correspondent writing from San
Francisco, is responsible for the fol
low ing : A good story or two it told
of the "Boston Party which was here
last Summer. The members of this
party were, for the most part, men who
were in the habit, of knowing where
their money went, and of making and
requiring exact change. This trait
led them into many prolonged and not
wholly decisive contests, and event
ually attracted a good deal of atten
tion. A Californian was characteris
ing their email wayt with more empha
sis than good taste, when another Cal
ifornia took up the gauntlet in their
behalf. "They can't help it," said he,
"they don't act from penuriousness,
but from education. They have al
ways been used to close calculations
and exact settlements, and they can't
go back to life-long training."
"Well, there's one thing they can
do," aaid the other, "they can ttay at
home and not expose their breeding.
The same nartv visited the Nevada
Silver Mines, and upon coming out of
the tunnel one of them ottered their
guide who chanced to be one of the
principal owners of the mine a half
dollar for his trouble, lhe miner
looked at the money a moment and
then tuining to the man said, "May I
ask you how much you ate estimated
at home to be worth ?"
"About twenty-five thousand dol
lars," replied the Bostonian.
"Well," said the miner, "I guess I
won't take your half dollar. I made
a quarter of a million here last month."
Valuable Invention.
A Birmingham, England, invention
coDBicts of a machine designed to
punch the holes through the webs of
steel rails, near their extremtties.which
are required in "fishing" joints. Two
holes are simultaneously punched,each
being one inch by one and a quarter
in dimension, lhe pressure is applied
by meant of a hydraulic cylinder of
lourteeu incnes ammeter; ana tne wa
ter is supplied from ai. accumulator
having a compressed air-chamber, in
which the pressure it raised to oaHJ at
mospheres, The total pressure which
the press tt capable of exerting
amounts therefore to nearly 400 tons.
The upward stroke is effected bf means
of a smaller cylinder which is always
in communication with the accumula
tor, to that the email piston always
tends to lift the ram and punch. When
a down stroke it to be made, the water
it admitted to the main cylinder by
opening a stop-valve, this valve being
combined with a discharge-valve,
which it opened on the completion of
the downstroke, the ram being then
raised by the action of the tmall pis
ton, and the water in the main cylin
der flowing oil through the waste-pipe.
If any of our young lady friendt
are impecunious, in outer woras naru
op for pin money, we can tell them
how to make a raise. At least, we
can tell them how a Nevada girl spot
ted d,U0J. One night the presented
herself at the bedside of a young man
of tueceptalile bosom, and asked him
the conundrum, "did be love her.
Now, we ask, where it the youtn who
would answer "no 1" to such a question,
under such circumstances? If such
there be, go mark bini wetl and shoot
him on the spot. Since Joseph left
his coattailt in Potiphar'a house, there
"don't was" any such young man.
This Nevada youth answered, "yes,"of
course. And then that gentle maid
went away and sued that natural young
man for $3,000 on a breach of promise.
And got her money. Daughter of
Ev in Chautauqua, can you not draw
ycor owu moral lesson. We charge
nothing for this hint nor for the ad
vice to any youug lady who proposes
to try this neat and expeditious ma fl
eer of raising chignon money not to
make auy mistakes aud try it on mar
ried meu. It it not siife. Jamertorvn
Journal.
A well known New Orleant miuLter,
walking along the street a few days
since, met a lady far whom he hud re
cently performed the marriage service.
Desiring to renew the acquaintance
(for the lady had interested him grtut
ly at the time) he accosted her with
the remark :
"Madam, did I not have the plea
sure of marrying you a few days
since f "
"1 was married a few days since
tir."
"Yes I thought I was not mistaken.
I married you."
"Indeed ! Well, I thought my hua
Sand was a much younger mau than
you are but I have not seen enough of
him to make his acquaintance thor
oughly. By the way, my dear, my
chignon is getting thubby ; please give
me some money to buy a waterfall."
Evidently this was more than the
minister bargained for, and with a
hasty bow, accompanied by
"No you are not the lady I'm mis
taken," he took his leave.
Out in Iowa kisses are told at fairs
bv the fair. A man pays a certain
' sum to the general fund, and then se
lects the girl or woman he desires to
Ikise.
Tanking a Swim.
Out in Ohio, last week, twenty Bap
tist clergymen, who were attending a
Convention, went down to a secluded
spot on the river bank, in the after
noon, for the purpose ot taking a swim.
These score of brethren removed their
clothing and placed it upon the rail
road track close at hand, because the
grass was wet. Then they entered the
water and enjoyed themselves. Pres
ently an express train came around
the curve at the rate of forty miles an
hour, and before any of the swimmers
could reach dry land, all those under
shirts and socks and things were flut
tering from the cow-catcher, and
speeding cn ward toward Kansas. It
was painful lor the brethren exceed
ing painful because all the clothing
that could be found, after a careful
search, was a sun umbrella and pair
of eyeglasses. And they do eay that
when those twenty marched home by
the refulgent light of the moon, that
evening, in single file, and keeping
close together, the most familiar ac
quaintance with the Zouave drill, on
the part of the man at the head, with
the umbrella, still hardly sufficed to
cover them completely. They felt
conspicuous, somehow ; and the situa
tion waa made all the more embarrass
ing, because that night all the Dorcas
societies, and the woman's Rights Con
ventions and the pupils at the female
boarding school, seemed to he pranc
ing around the streets, and running
across the route of the parade. Most
of the brethren are now down on im
mersion, and altogether in favor of the
use of water only in sprinkling.
In the early stages of his ministry,
the celebrated Dr. Strong.of Hartford,
Connecticut, preached some time in a
neighborhood village. One day a com
mittee called upon him to settle with
him for his services ; and, after stam
mering a while, signified to him, that
his further services were not desired.
"What does this mean, gentlemen?"
asked the Doctor. "Why," replied
the spokesman, with tome hesitation,
"the people have got the impression
that you are inclining to universal sal
vation." "Gentlemen," answered the
Doctor "I never have preached that
doctrine; but, it 1 ever should, 1 prom
ise to make the people of this town an
exception T
In New York a roan last week made
awager that he could run a closed um
brelia down his throat to the handle.
No sooner had he accomplished this
feat than the base wretch who made
the bet seized the umbrella by the
handle and opened it all the way,
clinching it on the catch, lie then
fled. Of course all efforts to close the
umbrella and remove it have been ut
terly useless, the poor sufferer walks
about with his person distended in a
manner that is inexpressibly painful
These practical jokes are very wrong
Just for the sake of a moment's amuse
ment this mau is obliged to carry that
umbrella with him to his grave.
On the great farm of Col. Thomp
son, in Wells, Minnesota, is a cheese
factory which has a canacitv for mak
iug into cheese the milk of o.OOO cows
but now only woras up the daily pro
duct of 225. It it three etories high
the main building ia 35 by 82 feet,
built of brick. A steam engine of 24
horse power drives the machinery.
Water is supplied from an artesian
well. There is a butter room attach
ed with steam churn aud all necessa
ry appliances. Col. Thompson intends
to increase the number of hit cowt to
UOO soou.
"I was going," taid an Irishmen,
"over Westminister bridge the other
day, and I met Pat Hewins. "Hew
ins," aayt I, "how are you?" "Pretty
well" says he, 'thank you, Donnelly.1'
"Donnelly I" says I, "th it't not my
name." "Faith, no more it mine
Hewins," says he. So we looked at
each other again, and sure it- turned
out to be nayther of ut,"
A Virginia editor has come to the
conclusion that a man might as well
undertake to hold himself at arm's
length and then turn a double somer
sault over a meeting-house steeple as
to attempt to publish a paper that will
suit everybody.
A young lady became to dissatisfied
with her lover that she dismissed him.
In reve.ige, he threatened to publish
her letters to him. "Very well," re
plied the lady, "I have no reason to
be ashamed of any part of my loiters
except the address!"
Said a pompous husband, whose
wife had stolen up behind him and
given him a kiss, "Madam, I consider
such an act indecorous !". "Excuse
me," said the wife, "1 didu't know it
was you."
A Belfast gentleman wears an old
fashioned silver fouipcuee attached to
his watch chain, in atJec'liouate remem
brance of the time when it was an
eijuivakut for a squurc, honest driuk
oi old cognac.
"You'd better look out for yer hose's
feet above here, mister," said a rngged
boy to a Jimtown traveler. "Why?"
saiil the gentleman nervously pulling
up. "Cos, there's a fork in tha road
there," was the candid reply.
A Wonderful Clock.
Mr. R. D. Munson, an old resident
of Williston, Vt., has just completed
a wonderful musical calendar clock,
which has attracted visitors from far
and near. It is in every detail his
handiwork, the old farmer having
spent his spare hours in working upon
it, for the past eight years. lie has
produced au eight-day clock, whose
dial marks the second, minute, hour,
day of the week, day of the month,
month and year ; a thermometer rests
against its pendulum, giving the state
of temperature ; the ball of the pen
dulum contains a miniature time-piece,
which derives its motive power solely
from its vibrations, and keeps ac
curate time, ihere is also a cylinder
musical attachment, which may be set
to rjlav any one of seven tunes at the
end oi each hour. In this last feature
it can be so adjusted and such waa
the intention of the maker at to play
Old Hundred at the end of each
hour on Sunday, and "Old Folkt at
Home," "Swiss Waltz," "Star Span
gled Banner," "Hail Columbia,
Yankee Doodle and "bweet Home
respectively u each successive day of
the week. The entire mechanism it
placed in a black walnut case, which
measures ten feet high, twenty inches
wide and ten inches deep, lhe case le
highly polished, and its front bears the
inscription iu raised letters, "Our
Union forever," "U. S." Mr. Munson,
who is sixty-two years old and quite
feeble, feels proud of what he has ac-
complisheed. 1
A Colorado saloon keeper taid of a
rough crowd: "I couldn't get their
whiskey strong enough lor them, so al
ter tryiug every way, I at last made a
mixture ot poison oac and butternut.
That fetched them. I called it the
sheep herder's delight, aud it was a
popular drink. The first Pike I tried
it on yelled with delight; the next one
took two drinks and turned a double)
somerset in the road before the house.
A peddler came along, and after he
took several drinks of my sheep her
der's delight, he went off and stole hit
own pack, and hid it in the woods."
A schoolmaster in Binghamton, N.
Y., has been fined $1,700 for circulat
ing a copy of verses found upon the
floor of his sshool-room, in which the
character of a young lady in the neigh
borhood was maligned. The action
was brought under the new law, mak
ing it an offense to impute a want cf
chastity to a woman ; and it is taid
that some of the jury were in favor of
placing the damages at $10,000. The
writer of the verses ia now to be pro
ceeded against. - a - :
The Lynchburg, Va., Republican
says : "Lynchburg boast of a sun dial
which was made iu London in the year
of 1428, and which, consequently, Is
now 443 years old, and which, when
Columbus cressed the ocean blue and
planted his standard on American soil,
enjoyed the ripe old age of sixty-four
years. The age of this vcncrablo
uoter of the sun's course appears to be
unquestioned, aud is doubtless the old
est specimen of man's haudiwork
which this country can furnish."
A Woman has no natural graco
more bewitching than a tweet laugh.
How much we owe to laugh 1 It turn
the prose of our life into poetry; it
flings showers of sunshine over the
darksome wood in which we are trav
elling; it touches with light even our
sleep, which is the image of death, but
gemmed with dreamt that are tha
the shadows of imortality.
A gentleman from Philadelphia waa
recently commending a young friend
to the notice of a Chicago merchant,
and closed his appeal by saying : "He
conies of a very good family ; both
his father and grand-father were prom
inent men in the east." "Were they?"
les ponded the merchant ; "that is good,
but it is of no account with us cere.
There is less daddy ism in Chicago than
any other place in the Uuiteu States."
A raw Jonathan who had been at a
garden in the vicinity of New York,
in which were several marble statues,
exclaimed, "Just see what a waste.
Here's no leas than six scarecrows in
this ten foot patch, aad any one of
'em woull keep the crowa from a five
acre lot."
A joyous damsel rushed into a citi
zen's arms at Savauah, exclaiming,
"Oh, you are long-lost brother!" hho
soou discovered her mistake, and rush
ed off iu a confused manner, accom
panied by her long lost brother's pock,
et book.
I pressed her gentle form to mo, and
whispered in her ear, if, wheu 1 was
fur away, she'd drop fur mo a tear. I
paused for cheering words, my throb
bing heart to cool ; and with her rosy
lips she said, "Oh, Ike, you're such a
fool 1"
Out West they tell a story of a do
who was greatly inteiested iu music. He
attended a singing school, and was
subsequently found iu tho back yard
with a music book iu front of him,
beating time with his tail ou a tin-pail,
aud howling "Old Huudred."
Mowing and threshing tnaching if.
ridenr are doinj wa-11.